Shame Websites

The Rise of Shame

Shamesites: blogs that make you blush...because they're about you.
By A.J. Jacobs
October 1, 2006

Everyone's worried about NSA wiretapping and such. But really, that's not the invasion of privacy that's going to affect our lives. Instead, it's user-generated spying and gossip. That's what is going to make America into the equivalent of a small-minded small town.

Remember anonymity? Or the idea of making a fresh start in a new city? Or even the notion of having a mysterious hidden past? Such quaint ideas. Soon, everyone will be branded like a sex offender who moves to a different neighborhood only to have posters of himself on every third tree. We're seeing the rise of a new morality. This is the dawning of the age of humiliation and dread.

We're not talking about Big Brother here. It's Little Brother. The shame blogs. Here, disgruntled exes detail the personalities and physical flaws of their former boyfriends. You can read about a man's alleged cheating, stinginess, STDs, or general naughty behavior. (One man supposedly "did cocaine on his daughter's second birthday." Another has "extremely hairy [balls] . . . and a wang that is anything but satisfying.") This is part of a breed of Web sites--including truedater.com and womansavers.com--that review your potential mate like Zagat's critiques a restaurant.

Then there's your work life. Whatever your business, there's a blog out there waiting to humiliate you (for Wall Street, DealBreaker.com; for restaurants, it's bitterwaitress.com). Yes, sometimes this gossip will help. Sometimes it's empowering. The tape recording of that AOL guy who just about refused to let the customer cancel his service? Brilliant. And sure, it's acceptable to alert women about a Romeo who claims he's single when he's married with kids. But more often, it'll be a pain in your ass. These sites aren't always overseen by editors or lawyers. They're teeming with bitter former mates who happen to have mastered the hunt-and-peck method or former employees who got fired for drinking a fifth of Jack on the job. Libel laws won't help us; information wants to be free--even nasty, embarrassing, or false information. We can't stop it.

We'll take fewer risks. One mistake will follow us forever. Or worse. Internet shaming has been taken to such extremes in China that it's generated a bizarre and scary trend called Internet hunting. In one case cited by The New York Times, strangers enraged by an online bulletin board formed posses--offline, three-dimensional posses--to harass an alleged adulterer at his house.

While I said it was a new morality, it's actually not. It's a very old morality. It's a return to the shame-based society. Think the stoning of adulterers in Mesopotamia or the stocks of the Puritans or the shunning practices of the Amish. And it means you better be careful. We'll all be prudes. So please, for your own good, make sure your scrotum is manicured.