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"Sandra Brown, M.A." Articles

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Abuse Articles
ABUSE SURVIVAL KIT.
ABUSE TOWARDS WOMEN
Are They An Anti-Social Emotional Vampire?
Are You In An Abusive Relationship?
Breaking Free of Explotive Relationships: TRAUMA
Characteristics of a Misogynist
CHECKLIST: Are You A Victim Of Abuse?
CONTROL FREAKS: Trampling Privacy & Boundaries
Domestic Violence and Women with Disabilities
Emotional Abuse Causes Depression
Emotional Rape Syndrome
Father butchers wife & stabs 8 yr old son, WA
Favorite Phrases of a "Player"
From The Abuser's Point of View
How 'They' View Their World
How Borderlines Abuse Others
I Thought Everything Was My Fault
In Sheep's Clothing: Covert-Aggression
Is He Abusive? (Characteristics)
Is He Really Changing? How Can I Tell?
Is Your Partner A Narcissist?
Jerks who fuck with your mind
Let Go of Abuse-Coping Behaviors Holding You Back
Sex Addict Behaviors
Signs of Emotional Abuse
The Boiling Frog
The Devaluation Funhouse
Traumatic Bonding: The Betrayal Bond
Verbal Abuse As Damaging As Physical Abuse
Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality
What To Do When Your 'Worm' Comes Crawling Back
When You Keep Thinking And Hoping He'll Change
When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly WRONG
Will The Games End When I Leave?
You Are Nothing But An Object....
Cheating Statistics
Affairs
American Sex Lives-2004 ABC Airing
Why Men Cheat
Dating Advice
Bad Relationships - How did I get so stupid?
How To Spot A Married Man on a Dating Site
If he doesn't call, it means...
Signs she is about to dump you
You Think He'll be Different with You
Divorce
Dealing With An Abuser During the Divorce
Divorce Statistics
Hiring An Attorney
How to Win When Facing Divorce
Japan's Divorce Rate Hits All Time High
What Is Mental Cruelty?
Your REAL Chance of Divorce
Gender Difference Studies
How Male and Female Brains Differ
Men Lie More Than Women?
General Relationship Articles
Are You Addicted to Bad Relationships?
BOLD FACED LIARS
BUT I LOVE HIM & MISS HIM!!
Confusing Love With Obsession
DENIAL: What is it? What does it look like?
Emotional Dynamics in Dysfunctional Relationships
Getting the Attention you Want
How Can I Help The Bordeline In My Life
Oprah's Opinion about Men
Pornography Addiction - The Progression
The (How Not To Be A) Bad Lover List
What is Emotional Rape
Women & The Disease to Please
Healthy Relationship Articles
Basic Needs in Relationships
Keys to a Healthy Relationship
Meeting Your Partner's Needs
What is REAL Love?
What is REAL Love? Part II
You Deserve a GOOD BOY!
Internet Cheating Articles
Are You A Victim of Sweetheart Fraud?
Bi-Polars and Internet Relationships
Can You Surf Without Wiping Out?
Cyber Cheating - A Growing Cause of Divorce
Dating Sites Sued for Fraud
Gordon B. Hinkley, Pres. LDS Church (The Mormons)
How To Seduce Women Online
Is Cybersex Cheating?
LIES WE TELL OURSELVES
Online Dating Attracts Married Folks
Profile of the Mental Rapist
Red Flags to Watch Out for When On-Line Dating
Serial "Web Romeo" Sued Over Kooky Come-Ons
The Cyber Lothario
The Cyber-Narcissist
The Lures of the Online Predator
The Online Disinhibition Effect
Virtual Relationships & Online Betrayals
Warnings Signs of Love/Sex/Cybersex Addictions
We Just Clicked
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Marrying Later in Life Lessens Chances of Divorce
Nomarriagedotcom
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The Physical Symptoms of Depression
The Pill & Breast Cancer?
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Viagra/Levitra/Cialis - Long Term Effects?
What is depersonalization disorder?
What Is Shared Psychotic Disorder?
When Someone Threatens Suicide
Women & Depression
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Americanwomensuckdotcom
Men's Top 10 Rules for Women
The Art of Seduction (How they do it)
Men's Relationship Articles
Breaking Up Is Hard On Men, Too
Domestic Abuse Against Men
What Porn Teaches Men About Women
Miscellaneous
CELL PHONE DATA NEVER DIES
Cyberstalking in the 21st Century
Did You Have An Emotionally Abusive Mother?
How to Deal With an Overbearing Mother
How To Pass A Lie Detector Test
IDENTITY THEFT: Protect Yourself!
Is It Legal to Expose a Cheater or Abuser Online?
Man Convicted for having Sex with Cows
Man dies from ruptured colon from sex with horse
Man gets the ULTIMATE Revenge!
MySpace & Related Sites: Safety Tips
New 3' Human
The Heavy Cost of Chronic Stress
There's No Excuse to Avoid Counseling
You Can't Fight Depression On Your Own
News
A drug that induces love may be in the near future
Japanese Develop "Female" Android
National Singles Week Sept 21-27
Online Dating Sites Sued for Fraud
Rape Statistics
Rape Facts & Statistics
Rape Survival, Defense and Healing
The Facts & Statistics about Rape
Sex Articles
Porn Use and Sex Crimes
What Are Paraphilias?
WHO ARE THE MEN BUYING PROSTITUTES?
Sex Laws
Worldwide Sexual Age of Consent Chart
Sexual Infidelity Articles
Cake Men (Men who want their cake & to eat it too)
Don't Have an Affair with a Married Man
Infidelity - A Form of Abuse
MEN & PROSTITUTES
Prostitution Flourishes Online
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The "Other Woman" - What's she like?
The Monogamy Myth
Why Spouses Stray
Why Women Cheat
You're Joined the Adulterers Club!
Single Women
Best Cities in America for Singles
How to Life a Romantic Life Without a Relationship
Japanese women staying single by the droves
More Single Women, than Married in NYC
Single By Choice
Single Mother's in US sky rockets
Single Women Have 35% of Babies
Surviving Infidelity
5 Things You SHOULDN'T DO If He's Cheating On You
Comparisons With the Other Woman
Emotional Detachment
Falling Apart Safely After the Break-Up
Keys to Personal Recovery
RECOVERY FROM THE RELATIONSHIP
Some Thoughts on Healing from the Relationship
The "Need to Know"
Top 10 Reasons to Expose A Cheater or Abuser
When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong
Websites that help cheaters
Ashley Madison: When Monogamy Becomes Monotony
Fast Seduction
Meet 2 Cheat!
Philanderers.com
Secrets of Sexual Addiction
The Erotic Review (TER)
Website helps men cheat on their partners
Women Over 40
Andy Rooney's View of Women Over 40
Written or quoted by Little Miss WomanSaver
7 Signs of How to Tell if It's Just a Spring Break
Show Instead of Tell
Cyberstalking in the 21st Century
By Dave Breakenridge -- Sun Media

CALGARY -- It took her almost three years, but Jane was able to get justice against her stalker.

After months of endless phone calls, letters and being followed, Jane -- not her real name -- breathed a sigh of relief in 2002 when her stalker was sentenced to jail.

"I was so grateful -- I was so relieved when it was over," said Jane. "I had almost given up."

A restraining order didn't work -- her stalker kept coming. But he was eventually arrested, tried and convicted, and Jane has had more than two trouble-free years.

There have been no phone calls, no notes, not a peep.
But Jane is still careful.

Her phone number is unlisted, she has a new job, and she hopes to move to another part of town, just to be safe.

She wanted neither her name nor her stalker's name printed.

But she wants to see other women in similar situations follow her example of never giving up, and going to great lengths to protect themselves.

"They're dangerous even if they don't touch you, because you don't know what they're capable of doing," she said.

Information risk specialist Sharon Polsky says the key to staying safe from a stalker is protecting your personal information.

"Someone who is a stalker, they are determined and they usually have a target in mind," says Polsky, owner of Project Scopes Solution Group.

A target can prevent a stalker from learning more about her -- victims are overwhelmingly female -- by being protective about what information they give out in their day-to-day lives.

"Don't give real information on websites and don't give out your home number on websites, unless you're dealing with the government and you're required to," she said

Polsky also advises women to make sure their addresses aren't listed in the phone book, or to have a completely unlisted number.

"Also, get a shredder so your utility bill doesn't accidentally end up blowing down the alley in the breeze," she said.

It's also advised if a victim moves to escape a stalker, that she set up an alternate mailing address, such as a post office box.

The Canadian Resource Centre for Victims of Crime says the post office box should be a victim's primary address for licences, car registration, credit cards, bills, schools, voter records, and all medical records

And, as a general rule, people should not give out their Social Insurance Number to anyone other than banks and employers, because a SIN can be used to track someone.

In addition to protecting information given out on-line, Polsky said people need to protect their home and work computers by changing passwords and making sure they've been turned off before stepping away from them.

This would prevent stalkers, particularly intimate partner stalkers who might have access, from hijacking e-mail programs.

But Polsky said a persistent stalker will use any means to get information. "It's not the technology, it's the people," she said.

"Stalkers operate on base instincts -- it's very easy to get information from people just by asking."

Tracy Bahm, director of the Stalking Resource Centre at the National Centre for Victims of Crime, in Washington, D.C., said it's frightening what someone can find out with something as simple as an online background check.

"You're info gets passed around and put in more and more databases, so you need to protect it," she said.

Victims also need to keep a record of everything, Bahm said, no matter how minute the contact.

"It's multiple acts that make up stalking," she said. "A lot of it is keeping a log keeping record of how many phone calls or e-mails came in on a given day."

But even if victims are even able to protect themselves or gather enough evidence to take to the police, stalking still leaves a mark.

"It's that invasion into every part of your life that I think is really hard for victims -- unless that person dies, it never goes away," Bahm said.

"There's that fear element -- they just won't stop and I think that's pretty scary."

Bahm said people are aware technology is being misused but as it gets better, it becomes harder and harder to detect

That means victims and police have some distance to make up in the race to thwart the shadowy techno-stalker, with all eyes on his victim.

- - -

STALKING SURVIVAL GUIDE

If you or someone you know is being tormented , you can:

* Contact the police

* Keep a written record of the date and time of every contact with the stalker and keep the record in a safe place

* Tell friends, family or co-workers what's happening

* Get a peace bond under section 810 of the Criminal Code of Canada. They can have conditions of no contact, or order a person to stay a certain distance away from you

* Keep as much information as possible private , and change your mailing address to a post office box

* Keep the outside of your house well-lit, install an alarm, change the locks and keep doors and windows locked, even when you are home

* Change your phone number, using *67 to block your number or *57 to trace harassing calls

* A cellphone is recommended in case of emergency

* Keep emergency numbers next to the phone

* Seek out the help of victim services in your community

* Make trusted people in your workplace aware of the situation and tell others not to reveal your whereabouts to outsiders

* Have unnecessary information about you removed from your company's website

* Be well aware of your surroundings when you are out

* If you are being followed, drive directly to a police, gas or fire station, remain inside the vehicle and honk the horn until someone comes to your aid

* If a friend is being stalked, express concern about it to the victim and encourage them to turn to the police for help

* It is not advised to confront a stalker on a friend's behalf -- this can place you at risk of harassment and could place increased risk on the victim -- contact the police instead

-- source: Canadian Resource Centre for Victims of Crime

- - -

CREEPY CHARACTERISTICS

Some things a stalker may do:

* Follow his victim everywhere

* Make repeated, unwanted phone calls

* Damage the home, car or other property

* Send unwanted gifts, letters, cards or e-mail

* Monitor phone calls or computer use

* Make threats or commit other actions to

While not all stalkers are the same, most of them share some common traits:

* Obsessive personality

* Above-average intelligence

* Extreme emotional needs

* Few personal relationships

* May be delusional

* Non-conformity to social norms

* Low self-esteem

* Substance abuse

While a stalker can pose a threat to his target, there are a number of warning signs the risk regarding the stalker is increasing:

* Escalation to more personal forms of conduct

* Closer geographical proximity of the stalking

* Prior criminal history

* Communicated threats are a strong indicator, especially direct, private, written threats very specific and severe in nature
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