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"Sandra Brown, M.A." Articles

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Relationship Articles

Abuse Articles
ABUSE SURVIVAL KIT.
ABUSE TOWARDS WOMEN
Are They An Anti-Social Emotional Vampire?
Are You In An Abusive Relationship?
Breaking Free of Explotive Relationships: TRAUMA
Characteristics of a Misogynist
CHECKLIST: Are You A Victim Of Abuse?
CONTROL FREAKS: Trampling Privacy & Boundaries
Domestic Violence and Women with Disabilities
Emotional Abuse Causes Depression
Emotional Rape Syndrome
Father butchers wife & stabs 8 yr old son, WA
Favorite Phrases of a "Player"
From The Abuser's Point of View
How 'They' View Their World
How Borderlines Abuse Others
I Thought Everything Was My Fault
In Sheep's Clothing: Covert-Aggression
Is He Abusive? (Characteristics)
Is He Really Changing? How Can I Tell?
Is Your Partner A Narcissist?
Jerks who fuck with your mind
Let Go of Abuse-Coping Behaviors Holding You Back
Sex Addict Behaviors
Signs of Emotional Abuse
The Boiling Frog
The Devaluation Funhouse
Traumatic Bonding: The Betrayal Bond
Verbal Abuse As Damaging As Physical Abuse
Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality
What To Do When Your 'Worm' Comes Crawling Back
When You Keep Thinking And Hoping He'll Change
When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly WRONG
Will The Games End When I Leave?
You Are Nothing But An Object....
Cheating Statistics
Affairs
American Sex Lives-2004 ABC Airing
Why Men Cheat
Dating Advice
Bad Relationships - How did I get so stupid?
How To Spot A Married Man on a Dating Site
If he doesn't call, it means...
Signs she is about to dump you
You Think He'll be Different with You
Divorce
Dealing With An Abuser During the Divorce
Divorce Statistics
Hiring An Attorney
How to Win When Facing Divorce
Japan's Divorce Rate Hits All Time High
What Is Mental Cruelty?
Your REAL Chance of Divorce
Gender Difference Studies
How Male and Female Brains Differ
Men Lie More Than Women?
General Relationship Articles
Are You Addicted to Bad Relationships?
BOLD FACED LIARS
BUT I LOVE HIM & MISS HIM!!
Confusing Love With Obsession
DENIAL: What is it? What does it look like?
Emotional Dynamics in Dysfunctional Relationships
Getting the Attention you Want
How Can I Help The Bordeline In My Life
Oprah's Opinion about Men
Pornography Addiction - The Progression
The (How Not To Be A) Bad Lover List
What is Emotional Rape
Women & The Disease to Please
Healthy Relationship Articles
Basic Needs in Relationships
Keys to a Healthy Relationship
Meeting Your Partner's Needs
What is REAL Love?
What is REAL Love? Part II
You Deserve a GOOD BOY!
Internet Cheating Articles
Are You A Victim of Sweetheart Fraud?
Bi-Polars and Internet Relationships
Can You Surf Without Wiping Out?
Cyber Cheating - A Growing Cause of Divorce
Dating Sites Sued for Fraud
Gordon B. Hinkley, Pres. LDS Church (The Mormons)
How To Seduce Women Online
Is Cybersex Cheating?
LIES WE TELL OURSELVES
Online Dating Attracts Married Folks
Profile of the Mental Rapist
Red Flags to Watch Out for When On-Line Dating
Serial "Web Romeo" Sued Over Kooky Come-Ons
The Cyber Lothario
The Cyber-Narcissist
The Lures of the Online Predator
The Online Disinhibition Effect
Virtual Relationships & Online Betrayals
Warnings Signs of Love/Sex/Cybersex Addictions
We Just Clicked
Marriage Articles
Marrying Later in Life Lessens Chances of Divorce
Nomarriagedotcom
Medical Articles
Adult Immunizations
All About AntiDepressants
Bariatric Surgery/Gastric Bypass
BOTOX
Endometriosis
Epileptic Seizures
Herbal Remedies
Intermittent Explosive Disorder
LASIK and other refractive surgeries
Social Anxiety Disorder
Suicide Information
The Physical Symptoms of Depression
The Pill & Breast Cancer?
Urinary Tract Infections
Viagra/Levitra/Cialis - Long Term Effects?
What is depersonalization disorder?
What Is Shared Psychotic Disorder?
When Someone Threatens Suicide
Women & Depression
Men's Advice for Women
Americanwomensuckdotcom
Men's Top 10 Rules for Women
The Art of Seduction (How they do it)
Men's Relationship Articles
Breaking Up Is Hard On Men, Too
Domestic Abuse Against Men
What Porn Teaches Men About Women
Miscellaneous
CELL PHONE DATA NEVER DIES
Cyberstalking in the 21st Century
Did You Have An Emotionally Abusive Mother?
How to Deal With an Overbearing Mother
How To Pass A Lie Detector Test
IDENTITY THEFT: Protect Yourself!
Is It Legal to Expose a Cheater or Abuser Online?
Man Convicted for having Sex with Cows
Man dies from ruptured colon from sex with horse
Man gets the ULTIMATE Revenge!
MySpace & Related Sites: Safety Tips
New 3' Human
The Heavy Cost of Chronic Stress
There's No Excuse to Avoid Counseling
You Can't Fight Depression On Your Own
News
A drug that induces love may be in the near future
Japanese Develop "Female" Android
National Singles Week Sept 21-27
Online Dating Sites Sued for Fraud
Rape Statistics
Rape Facts & Statistics
Rape Survival, Defense and Healing
The Facts & Statistics about Rape
Sex Articles
10 Steps to Picking Up Girls
Porn Use and Sex Crimes
What Are Paraphilias?
WHO ARE THE MEN BUYING PROSTITUTES?
Sex Laws
Worldwide Sexual Age of Consent Chart
Sexual Infidelity Articles
Cake Men (Men who want their cake & to eat it too)
Don't Have an Affair with a Married Man
Infidelity - A Form of Abuse
MEN & PROSTITUTES
Prostitution Flourishes Online
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The "Other Woman" - What's she like?
The Monogamy Myth
Why Spouses Stray
Why Women Cheat
You're Joined the Adulterers Club!
Single Women
Best Cities in America for Singles
How to Life a Romantic Life Without a Relationship
Japanese women staying single by the droves
More Single Women, than Married in NYC
Single By Choice
Single Mother's in US sky rockets
Single Women Have 35% of Babies
Surviving Infidelity
5 Things You SHOULDN'T DO If He's Cheating On You
Comparisons With the Other Woman
Emotional Detachment
Falling Apart Safely After the Break-Up
Keys to Personal Recovery
RECOVERY FROM THE RELATIONSHIP
Some Thoughts on Healing from the Relationship
The "Need to Know"
Top 10 Reasons to Expose A Cheater or Abuser
When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong
Websites that help cheaters
Ashley Madison: When Monogamy Becomes Monotony
Fast Seduction
Meet 2 Cheat!
Philanderers.com
Secrets of Sexual Addiction
The Erotic Review (TER)
Website helps men cheat on their partners
Women Over 40
Andy Rooney's View of Women Over 40
Written or quoted by Little Miss WomanSaver
7 Signs of How to Tell if It's Just a Spring Break
Show Instead of Tell
The Devaluation Funhouse
So, you still hanging on to that Narcissist? Good for you! I know, he‘s beaten your soul out of recognition and you don‘t know who you are anymore, but hang in there, things might turn around someday!

By now you‘re great friends with an adorable little quirk called devaluation. As you know, just about anything can bring this scene on, such as he‘d had salami for lunch, you asked him if anything was wrong, his friend got a new girlfriend, or you were so out of control as to criticize him (such as, "I feel like I‘m not as important to you as I used to be," or, "It was manipulative of you to threaten to leave if I didn‘t do as you say"). The mind of the narcissist is wildly chaotic, fraught with conflicts and about as predictable as the bullets in Russian Roulette.

But, usually, here‘s what happened: You Two Got Too Close. Yes, you probably invoked that bane of narcissistic existence, Mister Intimacy. Cuddling after nookie, kissing anytime outside of foreplay (when he initiates it), talk of meaningful growth in the relationship such as a commitment (even if he‘s living in your house and you‘ve been together five years) or spending time with other couples-- though this is all pleasurable and welcomed by good men, you were a very bad girl for subjecting your poor narcissist to such torture.

And here‘s how you‘re punished. At the drop of a hat, and usually after a particularly reassuring and close time together, he‘ll insult you. Or threaten the relationship. He‘ll tell you he doesn‘t see how the two of you will make it. You‘re so demanding. Projection is common: You don‘t give him what he needs. You play mindgames with him. You. You. You.

Now, this serves a gleefully vast array of purposes. One, it puts distance between the two of you and abates that terrifying and nauseatingly moist intimacy you two had going. Two, it makes you anxious and upset, and as all good narcissists know, how much they can hurt you is an EXCELLENT indicator of how important they are to you. Three, you immediately begin to try to reason with him or find out what brought this on, and that, of course, is rich, full-bodied attention directed at him, the nectar of narcissistic life. Four, you might threaten to leave him, which in his absolutely chaotic and absurd mind is what he wants, as a latent response to childhood anxieties. (Go ahead and convincingly say you‘re leaving. Watch him shift into capitulation overdrive. You‘ll see a turn-around that‘ll make your head spin.)

The most common form of narcissistic devaluation is the blame-and-bolt maneuver. You two are doing great. You‘re sitting on the porch together, playing footsies, talking about the dog. Then, he drops a dig.

"If we break up, I think you should take the dog."

This comes out of nowhere. You catch your breath and say, "What do you mean? Why would we break up?"

"Well," his powerful logic informs you, "Like I‘ve said before, I just don‘t know if this can work out."

"But, it already is working out. Why wouldn‘t it work out?"

"I don‘t know," he shrugs. "I just never really know with you. Sometimes I feel like you‘d rather die than let me know what you‘re thinking. I don‘t think a relationship can survive like that."

You sit in stunned silence, remembering his complaining the day before that you talked too much.

"So," he concludes with a flourish, "I don‘t know. That‘s all I can say. I just don‘t know." And, if he‘s bored with your response because it‘s not riveting or desperate enough: "I gotta go."

SCORE!! You‘ve been devalued! Sadistically put down, robbed of any orientation or security, told you‘re disposable, and it‘s ALL YOUR FAULT. Optional ornaments include rage, obscenity, name-calling, and maybe even a cliche‘d insult or two. (Narcissists aren‘t the most creative psychopaths in the DSM.)

If you‘re with a man who devalues you just once, get out. If you give him another chance, the probability of him doing it again and again is 100%. Your love and efforts will not save the relationship, it will bring on more devaluation. Get out and find somebody sane.

http://www.angelfire.com/indie/aanouri/devaluation.html
* All break up and relationship articles are the property of their owners. All WomanSavers relationship articles are copyright of the individual authors, unless specified. http://www.WomanSavers.com is not responsible or liable for the accuracy and/or content of the women's relationship and break up articles displayed on this site. Submitted relationship articles for women to be included, but not limited, to the categories of: relationship articles, break up articles, abuse articles, cheating statistics, dating advice articles, divorce articles, gender difference studies, healthy relationship articles, internet cheating articles, marriage articles, medical articles, men's advice for women, men's relationship articles, miscellaneous articles, relationship news articles, rape statistics articles, sex articles, sex laws, sexual infidelity articles, single women articles, surviving infidelity articles, websites that help cheaters, women over 40.







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