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"Sandra Brown, M.A." Articles

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Relationship Articles

Abuse Articles
ABUSE SURVIVAL KIT.
ABUSE TOWARDS WOMEN
Are They An Anti-Social Emotional Vampire?
Are You In An Abusive Relationship?
Breaking Free of Explotive Relationships: TRAUMA
Characteristics of a Misogynist
CHECKLIST: Are You A Victim Of Abuse?
CONTROL FREAKS: Trampling Privacy & Boundaries
Domestic Violence and Women with Disabilities
Emotional Abuse Causes Depression
Emotional Rape Syndrome
Father butchers wife & stabs 8 yr old son, WA
Favorite Phrases of a "Player"
From The Abuser's Point of View
How 'They' View Their World
How Borderlines Abuse Others
I Thought Everything Was My Fault
In Sheep's Clothing: Covert-Aggression
Is He Abusive? (Characteristics)
Is He Really Changing? How Can I Tell?
Is Your Partner A Narcissist?
Jerks who fuck with your mind
Let Go of Abuse-Coping Behaviors Holding You Back
Sex Addict Behaviors
Signs of Emotional Abuse
The Boiling Frog
The Devaluation Funhouse
Traumatic Bonding: The Betrayal Bond
Verbal Abuse As Damaging As Physical Abuse
Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality
What To Do When Your 'Worm' Comes Crawling Back
When You Keep Thinking And Hoping He'll Change
When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly WRONG
Will The Games End When I Leave?
You Are Nothing But An Object....
Cheating Statistics
Affairs
American Sex Lives-2004 ABC Airing
Why Men Cheat
Dating Advice
Bad Relationships - How did I get so stupid?
How To Spot A Married Man on a Dating Site
If he doesn't call, it means...
Signs she is about to dump you
You Think He'll be Different with You
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Dealing With An Abuser During the Divorce
Divorce Statistics
Hiring An Attorney
How to Win When Facing Divorce
Japan's Divorce Rate Hits All Time High
What Is Mental Cruelty?
Your REAL Chance of Divorce
Gender Difference Studies
How Male and Female Brains Differ
Men Lie More Than Women?
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Are You Addicted to Bad Relationships?
BOLD FACED LIARS
BUT I LOVE HIM & MISS HIM!!
Confusing Love With Obsession
DENIAL: What is it? What does it look like?
Emotional Dynamics in Dysfunctional Relationships
Getting the Attention you Want
How Can I Help The Bordeline In My Life
Oprah's Opinion about Men
Pornography Addiction - The Progression
The (How Not To Be A) Bad Lover List
What is Emotional Rape
Women & The Disease to Please
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Basic Needs in Relationships
Keys to a Healthy Relationship
Meeting Your Partner's Needs
What is REAL Love?
What is REAL Love? Part II
You Deserve a GOOD BOY!
Internet Cheating Articles
Are You A Victim of Sweetheart Fraud?
Bi-Polars and Internet Relationships
Can You Surf Without Wiping Out?
Cyber Cheating - A Growing Cause of Divorce
Dating Sites Sued for Fraud
Gordon B. Hinkley, Pres. LDS Church (The Mormons)
How To Seduce Women Online
Is Cybersex Cheating?
LIES WE TELL OURSELVES
Online Dating Attracts Married Folks
Profile of the Mental Rapist
Red Flags to Watch Out for When On-Line Dating
Serial "Web Romeo" Sued Over Kooky Come-Ons
The Cyber Lothario
The Cyber-Narcissist
The Lures of the Online Predator
The Online Disinhibition Effect
Virtual Relationships & Online Betrayals
Warnings Signs of Love/Sex/Cybersex Addictions
We Just Clicked
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Marrying Later in Life Lessens Chances of Divorce
Nomarriagedotcom
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The Pill & Breast Cancer?
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Viagra/Levitra/Cialis - Long Term Effects?
What is depersonalization disorder?
What Is Shared Psychotic Disorder?
When Someone Threatens Suicide
Women & Depression
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Americanwomensuckdotcom
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Breaking Up Is Hard On Men, Too
Domestic Abuse Against Men
What Porn Teaches Men About Women
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CELL PHONE DATA NEVER DIES
Cyberstalking in the 21st Century
Did You Have An Emotionally Abusive Mother?
How to Deal With an Overbearing Mother
How To Pass A Lie Detector Test
IDENTITY THEFT: Protect Yourself!
Is It Legal to Expose a Cheater or Abuser Online?
Man Convicted for having Sex with Cows
Man dies from ruptured colon from sex with horse
Man gets the ULTIMATE Revenge!
MySpace & Related Sites: Safety Tips
New 3' Human
The Heavy Cost of Chronic Stress
There's No Excuse to Avoid Counseling
You Can't Fight Depression On Your Own
News
A drug that induces love may be in the near future
Japanese Develop "Female" Android
National Singles Week Sept 21-27
Online Dating Sites Sued for Fraud
Rape Statistics
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Rape Survival, Defense and Healing
The Facts & Statistics about Rape
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Porn Use and Sex Crimes
What Are Paraphilias?
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Sexual Infidelity Articles
Cake Men (Men who want their cake & to eat it too)
Don't Have an Affair with a Married Man
Infidelity - A Form of Abuse
MEN & PROSTITUTES
Prostitution Flourishes Online
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The "Other Woman" - What's she like?
The Monogamy Myth
Why Spouses Stray
Why Women Cheat
You're Joined the Adulterers Club!
Single Women
Best Cities in America for Singles
How to Life a Romantic Life Without a Relationship
Japanese women staying single by the droves
More Single Women, than Married in NYC
Single By Choice
Single Mother's in US sky rockets
Single Women Have 35% of Babies
Surviving Infidelity
5 Things You SHOULDN'T DO If He's Cheating On You
Comparisons With the Other Woman
Emotional Detachment
Falling Apart Safely After the Break-Up
Keys to Personal Recovery
RECOVERY FROM THE RELATIONSHIP
Some Thoughts on Healing from the Relationship
The "Need to Know"
Top 10 Reasons to Expose A Cheater or Abuser
When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong
Websites that help cheaters
Ashley Madison: When Monogamy Becomes Monotony
Fast Seduction
Meet 2 Cheat!
Philanderers.com
Secrets of Sexual Addiction
The Erotic Review (TER)
Website helps men cheat on their partners
Women Over 40
Andy Rooney's View of Women Over 40
Written or quoted by Little Miss WomanSaver
7 Signs of How to Tell if It's Just a Spring Break
Show Instead of Tell
Warnings Signs of Love/Sex/Cybersex Addictions

Warning Signs of Cybersexual Addiction:

Routinely spending significant amounts of time in chat rooms and private messaging with the sole purpose of finding cybersex.

Feeling preoccupied with using the Internet to find on-line sexual partners.

Frequently using anonymous communication to engage in sexual fantasies not typically carried out in real-life.

Anticipating your next on-line session with the expectation that you will find sexual arousal or gratification.

Finding that you frequently move from cybersex to phone sex (or even real-life meetings).

Hiding your on-line interactions from your significant other.

Feeling guilt or shame from your on-line use.

Accidentally being aroused by cybersex at first, and now find that you actively seek it out when you log on-line.

Masturbating while on-line while engaged in erotic chat.

Less investment with your real-life sexual partner only to prefer cybersex as a primary form of sexual gratification.

Sex addicts often turn to the Internet as a new and safe sexual outlet to fulfill their compulsions without the expense of costly 900-lines, the fear of being seen at an adult bookstore, or the fear of disease among prostitutes
.

Understanding what makes Cybersex & Online Love addictive.

Sexual compulsivity over the Internet is not just a result of deviant individuals engaged in acting out, but with remarkable speed, the mental health field has witnessed those with no prior criminal or psychiatric history engaged in such behavior online. The Model of Cybersexual Addiction is used to explain how the Internet creates a cultural climate of permissiveness that actually serves to encourage and validate sexually deviant behavior. The Model examines the Anonymity of online interactions that serves to increase the likelihood of the behavior, the Convenience of email and chat rooms making it easily available to users, and finally, the Escape from mental tension derived from the experience which serves to reinforce the behavior leading to compulsivity.
---------------

Excerpted from an article by By Robert Weiss, LCSW, CAS

Healthy romantic love is a unique experience which can encourage bonding, intimacy and the opportunity to play and explore with that special new person.

Romance, with or without sex, encourages personal growth as each new relationship forces new insights and self knowledge. The beginning stages of a potential love relationship can be intense and exciting. Most people easily relate to that "rush" of first love and romance; the stuff of songs, endless greeting cards and warm memories. Healthy intimacy, however, is characterized by more than romance, intensity and sex. Intimacy evolves over time. Loving relationships develop partially through utilizing those first exhilarating times to begin to build a bridge toward deeper, longer term closeness.

It can be difficult for anyone who is not a love or sex addict to understand how love or sexuality can be exploited or evolve into destructive patterns of addiction and compulsion. Yet for the love and sex addict, romantic love, sexuality and the closeness they offer, are experiences most often filled with pitfalls, anxiety and pain. Living in a sometimes chaotic emotional world of desperation and despair, fearful of being alone or rejected, the love addict endlessly longs for that "special" relationship.

Caught up in the constant search for a partner, the addict‘s endless intrigue, flirtations, sexual liaisons and affairs, leave a path of destruction and negative consequences in their wake of his or her behavior. Ironically, the love or relationship usually has few options to resolve these painful circumstances except by engaging in even more searching, creating an escalating cycle of desperation and loss. Just when seemingly "safe" in the rush of a new romantic affair or liaison the troubled Love or Sex Addict grows steadily more unhappy, fearful and bored and ends up pushing their partner away or looking outside the relationship for yet another new intensity or "love" experience.

Thus the cycle begins anew.

Unlike the healthy person seeking partnership and sex as a complement to their life, the love and sex addict searches for something outside of themselves (a person, relationship or experience) which will provide them with the emotional and life stability that they themselves lack. Similar to a drug addict or alcoholic, love and sex addicts use their arousing romantic/ sexual experiences in an attempt to "fix" themselves and remain emotionally stable.

When love and sexuality are used as a way to cope, rather than a way to grow and share, partner choice becomes skewed. Compatibility becomes based on "whether or not you will leave me", "how intense our sex life is" or "how I can hook you into staying", rather than on whether you might truly become a peer, friend and companion.

Addictive relationships are characterized over time by unhealthy dependency, guilt and abuse. Love and sex addicts will use seduction, control, guilt and manipulation to attract and hold onto romantic partners. At times, despairing of this cycle of unhappy affairs, broken relationships and sexual liaisons, some love or sex addicts may have "swearing off" periods (like the bulimic/anorexic cycles of overeaters). The addict believes that just "not being in the game" will solve the problem; only to later find the same issues reappearing when they re-engage in any type of potential intimacy.

Typical Signs of Love or Sex Addiction Include:

Constantly seeking a sexual partner, new romance or significant other (trolling online for new partners or having a bunch of them going at the same time)

An inability or difficulty in being alone

Consistently choosing partners who are emotionally (or logistically) unavailable

Using sex, seduction and intrigue to "hook" onto a partner

Using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotions

Missing out on important family, career or social experiences in order to maintain a sexual high or romantic relationship

When in a relationship, being detached or unhappy, when out of a relationship, feeling desperate and alone

Avoiding sex and sexual acting out (being online, seeing prostitutes, etc) for long periods of time to "solve the problem"

Returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to self or others (returning to spouse, significant other after a horrible period of acting out and swearing you will change)

Mistaking sexual experiences and romantic intensity for love

Not everyone who has engaged in one or two of the above has an addiction problem, many people may have their judgment skewed by a difficult person or situation from time to time in their lives. However, when these situations become the norm, lived over and over again in some form or another, the diagnosis can be made. Love and sex addicts who are not in recovery, like any addict, do not learn from their consequences and mistakes. It is only when the pain of these behaviors and situations becomes greater than the pain and challenges of creating change, that recovery begins.

(Love & Sex Addiction doesn‘t seem like much at first, can be FACILITATED by the internet and will lead the cyberpath to slowly & covertly manipulate the target in a relationship that FOR THE PREDATOR is about SEX ONLY. When they are done they move on with some lie for an ‘excuse‘, leaving the target, who has probably fallen in love, wondering what happened!)

from: http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com/2006/02/online-predators-cybersex-and-covert.html

* All break up and relationship articles are the property of their owners. All WomanSavers relationship articles are copyright of the individual authors, unless specified. http://www.WomanSavers.com is not responsible or liable for the accuracy and/or content of the women's relationship and break up articles displayed on this site. Submitted relationship articles for women to be included, but not limited, to the categories of: relationship articles, break up articles, abuse articles, cheating statistics, dating advice articles, divorce articles, gender difference studies, healthy relationship articles, internet cheating articles, marriage articles, medical articles, men's advice for women, men's relationship articles, miscellaneous articles, relationship news articles, rape statistics articles, sex articles, sex laws, sexual infidelity articles, single women articles, surviving infidelity articles, websites that help cheaters, women over 40.





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