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"Sandra Brown, M.A." Articles

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Abuse Articles
ABUSE SURVIVAL KIT.
ABUSE TOWARDS WOMEN
Are They An Anti-Social Emotional Vampire?
Are You In An Abusive Relationship?
Breaking Free of Explotive Relationships: TRAUMA
Characteristics of a Misogynist
CHECKLIST: Are You A Victim Of Abuse?
CONTROL FREAKS: Trampling Privacy & Boundaries
Domestic Violence and Women with Disabilities
Emotional Abuse Causes Depression
Emotional Rape Syndrome
Father butchers wife & stabs 8 yr old son, WA
Favorite Phrases of a "Player"
From The Abuser's Point of View
How 'They' View Their World
How Borderlines Abuse Others
I Thought Everything Was My Fault
In Sheep's Clothing: Covert-Aggression
Is He Abusive? (Characteristics)
Is He Really Changing? How Can I Tell?
Is Your Partner A Narcissist?
Jerks who fuck with your mind
Let Go of Abuse-Coping Behaviors Holding You Back
Sex Addict Behaviors
Signs of Emotional Abuse
The Boiling Frog
The Devaluation Funhouse
Traumatic Bonding: The Betrayal Bond
Verbal Abuse As Damaging As Physical Abuse
Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality
What To Do When Your 'Worm' Comes Crawling Back
When You Keep Thinking And Hoping He'll Change
When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly WRONG
Will The Games End When I Leave?
You Are Nothing But An Object....
Cheating Statistics
Affairs
American Sex Lives-2004 ABC Airing
Why Men Cheat
Dating Advice
Bad Relationships - How did I get so stupid?
How To Spot A Married Man on a Dating Site
If he doesn't call, it means...
Signs she is about to dump you
You Think He'll be Different with You
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Dealing With An Abuser During the Divorce
Divorce Statistics
Hiring An Attorney
How to Win When Facing Divorce
Japan's Divorce Rate Hits All Time High
What Is Mental Cruelty?
Your REAL Chance of Divorce
Gender Difference Studies
How Male and Female Brains Differ
Men Lie More Than Women?
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Are You Addicted to Bad Relationships?
BOLD FACED LIARS
BUT I LOVE HIM & MISS HIM!!
Confusing Love With Obsession
DENIAL: What is it? What does it look like?
Emotional Dynamics in Dysfunctional Relationships
Getting the Attention you Want
How Can I Help The Bordeline In My Life
Oprah's Opinion about Men
Pornography Addiction - The Progression
The (How Not To Be A) Bad Lover List
What is Emotional Rape
Women & The Disease to Please
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Basic Needs in Relationships
Keys to a Healthy Relationship
Meeting Your Partner's Needs
What is REAL Love?
What is REAL Love? Part II
You Deserve a GOOD BOY!
Internet Cheating Articles
Are You A Victim of Sweetheart Fraud?
Bi-Polars and Internet Relationships
Can You Surf Without Wiping Out?
Cyber Cheating - A Growing Cause of Divorce
Dating Sites Sued for Fraud
Gordon B. Hinkley, Pres. LDS Church (The Mormons)
How To Seduce Women Online
Is Cybersex Cheating?
LIES WE TELL OURSELVES
Online Dating Attracts Married Folks
Profile of the Mental Rapist
Red Flags to Watch Out for When On-Line Dating
Serial "Web Romeo" Sued Over Kooky Come-Ons
The Cyber Lothario
The Cyber-Narcissist
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The Online Disinhibition Effect
Virtual Relationships & Online Betrayals
Warnings Signs of Love/Sex/Cybersex Addictions
We Just Clicked
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Marrying Later in Life Lessens Chances of Divorce
Nomarriagedotcom
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What Is Shared Psychotic Disorder?
When Someone Threatens Suicide
Women & Depression
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Americanwomensuckdotcom
Men's Top 10 Rules for Women
The Art of Seduction (How they do it)
Men's Relationship Articles
Breaking Up Is Hard On Men, Too
Domestic Abuse Against Men
What Porn Teaches Men About Women
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CELL PHONE DATA NEVER DIES
Cyberstalking in the 21st Century
Did You Have An Emotionally Abusive Mother?
How to Deal With an Overbearing Mother
How To Pass A Lie Detector Test
IDENTITY THEFT: Protect Yourself!
Is It Legal to Expose a Cheater or Abuser Online?
Man Convicted for having Sex with Cows
Man dies from ruptured colon from sex with horse
Man gets the ULTIMATE Revenge!
MySpace & Related Sites: Safety Tips
New 3' Human
The Heavy Cost of Chronic Stress
There's No Excuse to Avoid Counseling
You Can't Fight Depression On Your Own
News
A drug that induces love may be in the near future
Japanese Develop "Female" Android
National Singles Week Sept 21-27
Online Dating Sites Sued for Fraud
Rape Statistics
Rape Facts & Statistics
Rape Survival, Defense and Healing
The Facts & Statistics about Rape
Sex Articles
10 Steps to Picking Up Girls
Porn Use and Sex Crimes
What Are Paraphilias?
WHO ARE THE MEN BUYING PROSTITUTES?
Sex Laws
Worldwide Sexual Age of Consent Chart
Sexual Infidelity Articles
Cake Men (Men who want their cake & to eat it too)
Don't Have an Affair with a Married Man
Infidelity - A Form of Abuse
MEN & PROSTITUTES
Prostitution Flourishes Online
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The "Other Woman" - What's she like?
The Monogamy Myth
Why Spouses Stray
Why Women Cheat
You're Joined the Adulterers Club!
Single Women
Best Cities in America for Singles
How to Life a Romantic Life Without a Relationship
Japanese women staying single by the droves
More Single Women, than Married in NYC
Single By Choice
Single Mother's in US sky rockets
Single Women Have 35% of Babies
Surviving Infidelity
5 Things You SHOULDN'T DO If He's Cheating On You
Comparisons With the Other Woman
Emotional Detachment
Falling Apart Safely After the Break-Up
Keys to Personal Recovery
RECOVERY FROM THE RELATIONSHIP
Some Thoughts on Healing from the Relationship
The "Need to Know"
Top 10 Reasons to Expose A Cheater or Abuser
When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong
Websites that help cheaters
Ashley Madison: When Monogamy Becomes Monotony
Fast Seduction
Meet 2 Cheat!
Philanderers.com
Secrets of Sexual Addiction
The Erotic Review (TER)
Website helps men cheat on their partners
Women Over 40
Andy Rooney's View of Women Over 40
Written or quoted by Little Miss WomanSaver
7 Signs of How to Tell if It's Just a Spring Break
Show Instead of Tell
I Thought Everything Was My Fault


The Star Press/June 18, 2004
By Ric Routledge
That first-grader staring out the window at school might not be daydreaming. Instead, he might be thinking about what he saw at home last night - Daddy beating the hell out of Mommy.

Maybe he saw Mommy being taken away in an ambulance and Daddy in a squad car, which means he‘s without both parents.

"This happens more often than people will ever, ever know," said Alice, a former abuse victim in her 40s who lives in Blackford County and asked that her real name not be used. "They [victims] keep their mouths shut because they are scared, absolutely terrified. Or they have nowhere to go, or they think that no one will ever believe them."

Just why some men, and even a few women, physically and verbally abuse their mates, supposedly their loved ones, is still being debated. But there is no argument that domestic violence is prevalent in our society.[h4]Low self-esteem

More than 3 million children are at risk of exposure to parental violence each year, according statistics provided by womensissues.com, and the violence knows no boundaries.

"We as a society think people with more education and wealth would be immune from this," said Bud Edwards, a counselor at Ball State University. "But there is no respect to class or race. We find the phenomenon across most demographics in this country."

Why men beat up their wives, and why a woman would stay in such a situation is subject to speculation more than science.

"As best we understand it, some factors are similar," Edwards said. "Men with a low self-esteem, and ill equipped to maintain an equal relationship, may have a need to have power in order to make themselves feel good." They are often jealous and control freaks, he added.

"The need for control usually comes from how they get their self-esteem," Edwards said, "They assure themselves they can maintain a relationship and have an air of superiority that they know what is best for their partner. And if her self-esteem is low enough, she may believe him."

Women stay in abusive relationships, according to Edwards, also because of low self-esteem.

"She believes that she couldn‘t make it on her own when, in reality, she probably could."

Finances are another big reason why women stay, especially if children are involved. He might be the sole provider and she can‘t see how she could possibly make it financially without him.

"They brainwash you," said Alice, who still fears the man she divorced years ago. "They literally control you, they make constant threats. I ended up having a nervous breakdown and looking like the crazy person. I wasn‘t but he had taken me to where I couldn‘t go any further.

"It got so I‘d rather he hit me than take the verbal abuse," she said. "You can recover from the bruises but you don‘t recover from the verbal abuse. God, I hate to think about what it‘s done to the kids."

Taking the blame
Alice said that for years she thought she was to blame for all of their problems.

"I thought everything was my fault," she said. "If he had run over somebody while drunk I would‘ve thought it was my fault because I should have tried harder. He always said everything was my fault, and I believed him.

"You think maybe it‘s not real, or that he‘s going to change, or that it‘s going to get better the next day. I kept thinking that if I was a good wife he would be different.

"But it didn‘t matter what I did, I know now, because it made him feel superior."

For former victim Betty, domestic abuse is something she‘s known since childhood.

"I heard my parents fight when I was a kid," said Betty, who also asked that her real name not be used. "I thought she [Mom] had it coming because she was pretty hard to take. When I encountered it years later, I assumed that I had it coming. If I thought she deserved it, then I did, too."

This happened to Betty during her four-year marriage to a Ph.D. while she was working on a master‘s degree. That was 30 years ago and the Delaware County resident still hasn‘t remarried.

"I don‘t fit any of the stereotypes. That‘s why I wanted to tell my story," Betty said. "He was a heavy hitter in terms of intellect, very successful. I was 35 when I married him, not exactly a baby."

Warning signs
Both women said they were fooled by their men when they were dating.

"In the beginning he was so nice," Alice said. "He had me meet his mom and dad. I thought he was great. He was sweet and loving - and a monster."

"He was the perfect gentleman when we were dating," Betty said about her former husband. "Sophisticated, had a Shakespearean aura about him."

Signals that someone might be an abuser often aren‘t apparent at first, Ball State counselor Edwards agreed.

"It‘s hard to see these things coming," Edwards said. "It may be that some of these things aren‘t in place yet, especially if you marry young, or if life circumstances change inside the abuser."

But there are warning signs.

"Look for people who struggle with controlling their emotions, especially anger, and have a history of violence," Edwards said.

"How does this person treat other women in his life? Sometimes it‘s gender-specific, which is why other guys wouldn‘t see it."

Domestic violence has remained hidden for a long time, according to Edwards. "We still have a ways to go to academically address this less desirable piece of our culture."

"It‘s time people wake up," Alice said. "Your daughter could be in a bad situation or your son could be doing it to someone."


http://www.rickross.com/reference/abusive/abusive11.html

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