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"Sandra Brown, M.A." Articles

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Relationship Articles

Abuse Articles
Are They An Anti-Social Emotional Vampire?
Are You In An Abusive Relationship?
Breaking Free of Explotive Relationships: TRAUMA
Characteristics of a Misogynist
CHECKLIST: Are You A Victim Of Abuse?
CONTROL FREAKS: Trampling Privacy & Boundaries
Domestic Violence and Women with Disabilities
Emotional Abuse Causes Depression
Emotional Rape Syndrome
Father butchers wife & stabs 8 yr old son, WA
Favorite Phrases of a "Player"
From The Abuser's Point of View
How 'They' View Their World
How Borderlines Abuse Others
I Thought Everything Was My Fault
In Sheep's Clothing: Covert-Aggression
Is He Abusive? (Characteristics)
Is He Really Changing? How Can I Tell?
Is Your Partner A Narcissist?
Jerks who fuck with your mind
Let Go of Abuse-Coping Behaviors Holding You Back
Sex Addict Behaviors
Signs of Emotional Abuse
The Boiling Frog
The Devaluation Funhouse
Traumatic Bonding: The Betrayal Bond
Verbal Abuse As Damaging As Physical Abuse
Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality
What To Do When Your 'Worm' Comes Crawling Back
When You Keep Thinking And Hoping He'll Change
When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly WRONG
Will The Games End When I Leave?
You Are Nothing But An Object....
Cheating Statistics
American Sex Lives-2004 ABC Airing
Why Men Cheat
Dating Advice
Bad Relationships - How did I get so stupid?
How To Spot A Married Man on a Dating Site
If he doesn't call, it means...
Signs she is about to dump you
You Think He'll be Different with You
Dealing With An Abuser During the Divorce
Divorce Statistics
Hiring An Attorney
How to Win When Facing Divorce
Japan's Divorce Rate Hits All Time High
What Is Mental Cruelty?
Your REAL Chance of Divorce
Gender Difference Studies
How Male and Female Brains Differ
Men Lie More Than Women?
General Relationship Articles
Are You Addicted to Bad Relationships?
Confusing Love With Obsession
DENIAL: What is it? What does it look like?
Emotional Dynamics in Dysfunctional Relationships
Getting the Attention you Want
How Can I Help The Bordeline In My Life
Oprah's Opinion about Men
Pornography Addiction - The Progression
The (How Not To Be A) Bad Lover List
What is Emotional Rape
Women & The Disease to Please
Healthy Relationship Articles
Basic Needs in Relationships
Keys to a Healthy Relationship
Meeting Your Partner's Needs
What is REAL Love?
What is REAL Love? Part II
You Deserve a GOOD BOY!
Internet Cheating Articles
Are You A Victim of Sweetheart Fraud?
Bi-Polars and Internet Relationships
Can You Surf Without Wiping Out?
Cyber Cheating - A Growing Cause of Divorce
Dating Sites Sued for Fraud
Gordon B. Hinkley, Pres. LDS Church (The Mormons)
How To Seduce Women Online
Is Cybersex Cheating?
Online Dating Attracts Married Folks
Profile of the Mental Rapist
Red Flags to Watch Out for When On-Line Dating
Serial "Web Romeo" Sued Over Kooky Come-Ons
The Cyber Lothario
The Cyber-Narcissist
The Lures of the Online Predator
The Online Disinhibition Effect
Virtual Relationships & Online Betrayals
Warnings Signs of Love/Sex/Cybersex Addictions
We Just Clicked
Marriage Articles
Marrying Later in Life Lessens Chances of Divorce
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Adult Immunizations
All About AntiDepressants
Bariatric Surgery/Gastric Bypass
Epileptic Seizures
Herbal Remedies
Intermittent Explosive Disorder
LASIK and other refractive surgeries
Social Anxiety Disorder
Suicide Information
The Physical Symptoms of Depression
The Pill & Breast Cancer?
Urinary Tract Infections
Viagra/Levitra/Cialis - Long Term Effects?
What is depersonalization disorder?
What Is Shared Psychotic Disorder?
When Someone Threatens Suicide
Women & Depression
Men's Advice for Women
Men's Top 10 Rules for Women
The Art of Seduction (How they do it)
Men's Relationship Articles
Breaking Up Is Hard On Men, Too
Domestic Abuse Against Men
What Porn Teaches Men About Women
Cyberstalking in the 21st Century
Did You Have An Emotionally Abusive Mother?
How to Deal With an Overbearing Mother
How To Pass A Lie Detector Test
IDENTITY THEFT: Protect Yourself!
Is It Legal to Expose a Cheater or Abuser Online?
Man Convicted for having Sex with Cows
Man dies from ruptured colon from sex with horse
Man gets the ULTIMATE Revenge!
MySpace & Related Sites: Safety Tips
New 3' Human
The Heavy Cost of Chronic Stress
There's No Excuse to Avoid Counseling
You Can't Fight Depression On Your Own
A drug that induces love may be in the near future
Japanese Develop "Female" Android
National Singles Week Sept 21-27
Online Dating Sites Sued for Fraud
Rape Statistics
Rape Facts & Statistics
Rape Survival, Defense and Healing
The Facts & Statistics about Rape
Sex Articles
Porn Use and Sex Crimes
What Are Paraphilias?
Sex Laws
Worldwide Sexual Age of Consent Chart
Sexual Infidelity Articles
Cake Men (Men who want their cake & to eat it too)
Don't Have an Affair with a Married Man
Infidelity - A Form of Abuse
Prostitution Flourishes Online
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The "Other Woman" - What's she like?
The Monogamy Myth
Why Spouses Stray
Why Women Cheat
You're Joined the Adulterers Club!
Single Women
Best Cities in America for Singles
How to Life a Romantic Life Without a Relationship
Japanese women staying single by the droves
More Single Women, than Married in NYC
Single By Choice
Single Mother's in US sky rockets
Single Women Have 35% of Babies
Surviving Infidelity
5 Things You SHOULDN'T DO If He's Cheating On You
Comparisons With the Other Woman
Emotional Detachment
Falling Apart Safely After the Break-Up
Keys to Personal Recovery
Some Thoughts on Healing from the Relationship
The "Need to Know"
Top 10 Reasons to Expose A Cheater or Abuser
When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong
Websites that help cheaters
Ashley Madison: When Monogamy Becomes Monotony
Fast Seduction
Meet 2 Cheat!
Secrets of Sexual Addiction
The Erotic Review (TER)
Website helps men cheat on their partners
Women Over 40
Andy Rooney's View of Women Over 40
Written or quoted by Little Miss WomanSaver
7 Signs of How to Tell if It's Just a Spring Break
Show Instead of Tell
Single By Choice

The percentage of single-person households has doubled in the last few decades, and many of them are inhabited by women who are blissfully single by choice.

By Joie Davidow Alone at Last!

Today for the first time, I had to remove the propane tank from my barbecue. For the 13 years I've had a barbecue in my Los Angeles backyard, I've always managed to get a man to take care of it. Hired handymen, my girlfriends' husbands, even the occasional beau, were all too happy to do the manly deed. But I was waiting for friends to come over and grill steaks when I'd realized the tank was empty, triggering one of those rare moments when I wonder if it might not be better to be married, or to at least have some sort of husband substitute at my disposal.

I am living my worst old nightmare: alone, childless, 50-something, a little overweight, losing my looks. If at 19, I could have seen myself as I am now, I would have been suicidal at the thought of such a terrible fate. After an uninterrupted string of boyfriends that lasted for three decades, here I am, alone at last -- middle-aged and single. But aside from the propane tank crisis, I'm almost perfectly happy. When I told my long-divorced friend, Susan, that I was writing an essay about what it's like to be single and middle-aged, she said, "It's heaven. Just say that it's heaven." But do I dare? If this secret information got out, it could strike a blow to the very heart of family values. It wouldn't be good news for men, either, especially in the unlikely event that there are actually some single 50-something men out there looking for women of a similar age.

Yet the advantage of unmarried life seem perfectly obvious to me: I never have to do anything to accommodate the "other." I cook dinner if and when I feel like eating it, and only if I'm in the mood to cook. I stretch out all over my queen-sized bed. If I wake up in a good mood, I don't have to contend with someone who wakes up in a bad one -- and vice versa. It's nobody's business but mine if I spend too much money on clothes or makeup. I don't have to put up with anybody's boring friends or annoying relatives, or listen to the football game blaring from the den. If I decide I'd like to vacation in Mexico, I just do it. I could go on for pages without exhausting the list of petty annoyances inherent in a good marriage, without even beginning to address the miseries of a bad one. As for that thing one imagines a single woman might really, really miss when there's no man around -- well, like cigarettes and chocolate, the longer you go without it the less you miss it. I may have a moment of longing when a beautifully muscled 20-something passes me on the jogging trail. I may even imagine my lips tracing a line from his powerful pecs to his washboard abs. But I have no illusions that anything like that might still be available to me, and I've learned to simply enjoy the view.

Single by Choice

Thirty years ago, when my mother's sister was my age and single, all of her girlfriends were married. Divorce was much less acceptable then, and since women were ill-prepared to support themselves and their children, unhappy marriages were often endured to the bitter end. My Aunt Evie took great comfort from the misery of others. She told me, "Whenever I feel bad about being single, all I have to do is talk to my married friends and I get over it right away."

My generation is different. I get no solace from listening to the complaints of my married girlfriends. They are living proof that love is still possible. At midlife, they have been married long enough to have weathered the inevitable storms and settled into comfortable partnerships. If they hadn't been able to successfully navigate the rough patches, they would have gotten divorced long ago.

And, unlike Aunt Evie, I have lots of single girlfriends. No one is shocked to learn that I am not now and never have been married. Few eyebrows are raised when I answer "no" without regret to the perennial "Do you have children?" My family and friends may have worried about how I would survive some of my relationships, but nobody seems to be worried about how I will survive being single. I am neither a spinster nor an old maid, as my aunt sometimes thought she was. Those awful, archaic terms were far more pejorative than the male equivalent, confirmed bachelor, because they lacked the connotation of choice. A man was single because he chose to be so, while it was inevitably assumed that a woman was single because she had failed to be chosen.

Women of my generation got to choose as well as to be chosen, but often we chose badly.  Sometime around my forty-fifth birthday, as yet another romance that had begun in joyful hope ended in painful disappointment, I finally paused to wonder if there was something wrong with my selection process. My only criteria had been that the guy had to be good-looking, smart, available, and wildly attracted to me. I had neglected to choose men who were also trustworthy, loyal, and kind. I decided to take a break from romance and work instead on having a good relationship with myself.

No Mr. Right

Learning to live contentedly on my own was neither easy nor fun, but it was worth it. I had to go through profound disappointment to twist my mind away from the thought that I had failed to meet life's most important challenge. There were nights when I lay sleepless with worry, longing for the comfort of a hairy chest where I could rest my head. There were lonely Sunday mornings, when I missed having someone to cuddle over bagels and coffee. But, slowly, I began to look forward to delicious, solitary hours spent lingering over the paper. And if my troubles seemed too hard to handle on my own, there were always wise and caring friends, just a phone call away.

One Friday after I'd finished work, I celebrated the arrival of the weekend by driving to the beach and running barefoot as far as I could, admiring the sunset over the Pacific. I realized then that I was as happy as I'd ever been -- just me, alone with the ocean. I no longer needed to share the moment to fully enjoy it.

I stopped waiting for Mr. Right t come along, and started to live as though I planned to stay single forever. For the first time I understood that I was a free woman, that I could live as I chose, be whoever I wanted to become. I hadn't stopped liking men: I had just stopped needing to have one of my very own in order to feel complete.

I bought a second home, a tiny apartment in Rome. I cherish the time I spend there so much that I have pondered what draws me back to L.A., since, as a freelance writer, I can live virtually anywhere.

My Family of Friends

Last month I had a little cancer scare. My mammogram was clear, but when I went in for my annual exam, my doctor felt something in my left breast. "It's probably nothing," she said. But she gave me the card of a specialist and made me swear I'd have it checked out within six weeks. I decided to postpone panic I had more information, and I didn't tell any of my friends, because I didn't want anyone else to worry.

The day before the appointment, I phoned Susan. "Are you very busy tomorrow? I'm going to be in your neighborhood." Susan is rarely too busy to find time for a late-afternoon movie, but she wondered what would bring me to her side of town. I told her, as lightly as I could. "The whole thing is probably just an annoyance," I said. I'd call as I was leaving the doctor.

I got to the doctor's office early -- a few minutes after I arrived, Susan walked into the waiting room, and refused to leave until she knew I was fine. No matter that we waited more than an hour. No matter that she was missing a business appointment to be with me.

Susan was more relieved than I was when it turned out that the lump had disappeared. And I finally understood what was keeping me in L.A. As it turns out, I'm not really single, after all. I may not have a husband and kids, but I do have a family -- Susan, and all the other friends who would have loved me enough to worry about the lump in my breast if I hadn't loved them too much to tell them about it.

I donít have a beau with the tank on the barbecue, so I simply decided to attack the monster myself. Wearing my dirty gym clothes and armed with the inadequate tool I keep around in case a pair of pliers is required, I went out to the backyard sure I was about to be blown up. Ten seconds later, with a turn of a little knob, I had removed the empty propane tank and exchanged it for a full one. To think that for all these years, I needed a man to do that.

* All break up and relationship articles are the property of their owners. All WomanSavers relationship articles are copyright of the individual authors, unless specified. http://www.WomanSavers.com is not responsible or liable for the accuracy and/or content of the women's relationship and break up articles displayed on this site. Submitted relationship articles for women to be included, but not limited, to the categories of: relationship articles, break up articles, abuse articles, cheating statistics, dating advice articles, divorce articles, gender difference studies, healthy relationship articles, internet cheating articles, marriage articles, medical articles, men's advice for women, men's relationship articles, miscellaneous articles, relationship news articles, rape statistics articles, sex articles, sex laws, sexual infidelity articles, single women articles, surviving infidelity articles, websites that help cheaters, women over 40.

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