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Thank you Alexander!

I am trying to live the best I can after all those events. I am reading (while I read I don't think) books, I am focused on my hobbies...but whatever I do, he is always present on my mind. I feel ashamed but I have promised to myself that I will get over it. I will go to France next July with friends and in October if everything goes well I may visit some countries of Eastern Europe. It's kind of a treatment.

Thank you and I send you a hug.

Oh, I'm sending too the only two pics I have on my hard drive.

The first was taken some months ago and my hair was too bunky :(

This one was from ten years ago.

Hope you won't get scared :)

Yeah, I knew you read that.

You know, there is a chance she was writing to your ex. Name and city match. Who knows?

Try to calm down! There is nothing you can do from now on. This is a delicate matter for the police whether or not he's involved.

You know, I've changed the browser and something silly happened. I was browing with Opera and it showed Alexander as being the poster for Thailand Cheating but now being with IE, I can see it was you the poster!

So, it was a silly question :) I cannot browse the site with Opera!!

Oh thank you Alexander! Believe me I don't like too much how I look at the photos :)

The top one was taken in Lisbon.

Alexander,

Lisbon is the capital of Portugal. Portugal and Spain are two different countries. Although we have common borders (East and North) Portuguese and Spanish are very different. Generally American people tend to think Portugal is a region of Spain. No, Portugal is an independent country! It is the second oldest country of Europe, after England. We are a country since 1083. By that time Spain was just a group of Kingdoms with different Kings: Navarra, Leon, Castilla, Asturias, etc.

So, I hope nobody will never mislead again this. :)

Yeah, there is no censorship in Portugal at any kind since 1974.

Between 1928 and 1974, unfortunatelly we were a dictatorship. Nowadays we are a fully democracy and a member of the European Union.

Alexander,

Is it possible to delete this post with the answers?

That's because I think we all fell here on a "trap" :).

Like the French say "Trop bon, trop con".

I am a very new member here but I cannot stand those little jerks trying to fool us with these disgunting "tricks".

Jml24,

I think you should change your phone number. According to what you said, your husband is done with her and it is a fact she is a little bit crazy.

The best way to deal with it is making impossible all communications between you and her.

I also hope your husband will learn from that experience. Sometimes cheating has a high price to pay.

Now something I would like to add about the fact she is ugly and fat: I work with men! I am the only woman on a sea of men. I listen to their comments all day long. One of the things I’ve learned is that when they are with a woman just for sex, they don’t care too much if she is ugly or not. They say it is simple. They don’t need to look to her face!

(Hope you can understand me! I am a foreigner and I know my English is not the best)

Yeah nice joke... now, you please tell me why do so many Americans go to Pamplona just to run away from the bulls?

Now you know the Spanish really like bullfightings. They think it is a brave act. When a bullfighter kills the bull, there is an orgasm all over the audience! They want to reverse nature: a man can have power over a stronger animal. It is really disgusting! 

Life is a paradox. Three years ago, the man who brought me happiness and self confidence back, sent me this (among some more).

Three years later, I found out he was a great liar and cheater.

It was hard to read this again. This is beautiful however it was used by a man to lie to me.  

My God,

Like in "Travelling Angels" my ex, also sent this to me.

Anna,

I really apologize deeply. It was all my fault! Due to time difference I just saw it now. I said if I were wrong I would apologize and that is what I am doing. Keep venting because I know you need.

I also apologize the other members because I really thought this post was spam.

Sorry Anna.

Hey Harley,

Don't think like that. This thread is nice. It's not your fault that someone may use this to gain trust.

When I first read this, I felt a knot but believe me there are more threats here that I've also received from him. 

Thanks and keep posting these positive thoughts!

Hi,

Did you already try a kick on the right place? ;)

What about puffy eyes? I have pockets under my eyes (genetic). I’ve tried everything I could, some were very expensive but nothing seems to work.

Does anyone here know anything good? I’ve tried Galénic, Vichy, Dior, Sthendal, etc...

Thanks 

You're right about the salt. It may be one of the reasons for puffiness but I don't use too much salt at home. The problem is that at lunch time I eat at restaurants and you know, we have no control on the amount of salt used.

For a long time I don't use refined salt on food as well. I use instead what is called "the flower of the salt", the first particles that come to the water's surface during the process of crystallization, always in a small amount not only because of it but also because it's better to health.

I know the gel from Body Shop. I've used it in the past, it refreshes the eye area. I think they still carry it.

For dark circles there is a fantastic gel, not very expensive called Innoxa. It's great.

Thanks

Serendipity,

Your story reveals two interesting points:

1st) A woman that you think is your friend;

2nd) A cheating husband.

On the first point you have to see that friend of yours is not a real friend. How can a close friend be flirting with your husband? What kind of respect has she towards you and your kids? How can she allow your husband to flirt with her? You need to think very well if she is a friend or not. No one needs enemies having friends like her.

On the second point, there is one issue you have to keep in mind. If you accept this situation where your husband says you're the love of his life but on the other hand saying he needs to be with someone else for the experience, you will lose control of everything. If you allow once, you will never be able to stop him. 

Now, he is flirting with that suposed friend of yours. At any moment he will get tired of her and he will jump to another. How are you going to stop this?

To finish, I think you should check very well his mouvements without letting him know, otherwise he will get smarter. About that friend of yours, I would never confront her. I would simply stop talking to her. If she aks you why don't you speak to her, you should just answer "You know very well why"!

Good luck!    

An update on my previous post: don’t believe in that bullshit of an "open marriage". It was what he told you. I am pretty sure if you start dating a man, he won’t allow. 

I'm glad things are better for you now.

Go woman! 

Well, you talked to a woman I think must be on her 70's, 80's. She is aged and married to him for a long, long time. She knows very well her husband but she is from a different generation. Her reaction is typical and you shouldn't have had this conversation with her.

It is simple to deal with this type of man. All you have to do (and also the others) is not allowing him to behave that way. You just need to say: STOP!

This is more common than what we think. Generally they try to force "the act" because they are aware a very young woman doesn’t want a so aged man.

Some of these old men can also be pedophilics. Some use force, others try to "buy" the victim especially when they come from lower classes.

If they are married what can an old woman do? Most of them are models at home and great fathers! This is unbelievable but it’s true whether we want to believe it or not.

I found it some time ago on the internet. I think it is good to share it here as it can help someone to understand some facts related to cheating, lying, abuse and God knows what else...
I have been reading a book called "Phatolical Personalities" and it is helping me a lot, understanding what happened to me, for instance.
Sometimes, knowledge is power as we can guess the next step.

"A number of mind-manipulating cult leaders may exhibit many of the behavioral characteristics of a sociopath--an outstanding ability to charm and seduce followers. Since they appear apparently normal, they are not easily recognizable as deviant or disturbed. Although only a trained professional can make a diagnosis, it is important to be able to recognize the personality type in order to avoid further abuse. These traits also apply to a one-on-one cultic relationship.

Glibness/Superficial Charm

Language can be used without effort by them to confuse and convince their audience. Captivating storytellers that exude self-confidence, they can spin a web that intrigues others. Since they are persuasive, they have the capacity to destroy their critics verbally or emotionally.

Manipulative and Conning

They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They dominate and humiliate their victims.

Grandiose Sense of Self

Feels entitled to certain things as "their right." Craves adulation and attendance. Must be the center of attention with their own fantasies as the "spokesman for God," "enlightened,"  "leader of humankind," etc. Creates an us-versus-them mentality

Pathological Lying

Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and able to pass lie detector tests.

Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt

A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

Shallow Emotions

When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion, it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

Incapacity for Love

While they talk about "God's love" they are unable to give or receive it. Since they do not believe in the genuineness of their followers' love, they are very harsh in testing it from their devotees and expect them to feel guilt for their failings. Expects unconditional surrender.

Need for Stimulation

Living on the edge, yet testing the beliefs of their followers with bizarre rules, punishments and behaviors. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal.

Callousness/Lack of Empathy

Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them. Their skills are used to exploit, abuse and exert power. Since the follower cannot believe their leader would callously hurt them, they rationalize the behavior as necessary for their (or the group's) own "good" and deny the abuse. When devotees become aware of the exploitation it feels like a "spiritual rape" to them.

Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature

Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others. The followers only see them as near perfect.

Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency

Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

Irresponsibility/Unreliability

Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blame their followers or others outside their group. Blame reinforces passivity and obedience and produces guilt, shame, terror and conformity in the followers.

Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity

Totalist leaders frequently practice promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts. This is usually kept hidden from all but the inner circle. Stringent sexual control of their followers, such as forced breakups and divorces, removal of children from parents, rules for dating, etc.

Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle

Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future. Many groups claim as their goal world-domination or other utopian promises. Great contrast between the leader's opulent lifestyle and the followers' impoverishment. Support by gifts and donations from the followers who are pressured to give through fear and guilt. Highly sensitive to their own pain and health.

Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility

Changes their image and that of the group as needed to avoid prosecution and to increase income and to recruit a range of members. Is able to adapt or relocate as needed to preserve the group. Can resurface later with a new name, a new front group and a new twist on the scam.

Other Related Qualities:

Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them

Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them

Authoritarian

Secretive

Paranoid

Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired

Conventional appearance

Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)

Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life

Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)

Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim

Incapable of real human attachment to another

Unable to feel remorse or guilt

Extreme narcissism and grandiose

May state readily that their goal is to rule the world"

Shattered,

I am putting an eye on the articles you pointed out. In fact they are very interesting.

Just one question. Do you know this book called "The sociopath next door"? The link is here http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/076791581X/104-6155954-3847149?v=glance

I want your opinion because maybe I will buy this book.

Thank you so much

Konfused,

Here is my response promised since yesterday. It was too late to answer you. Anyway, here it goes. I will try to be straight on what I think about your involvement with what it seems to me “a nice piece of shit”. If all I can say won’t match, then, I cannot guess what’s this guy deal and what kind of agenda he has.

This guy played a complete charade on you. He lied to you! I believe he is really a tremendous psychopath. This man doesn’t know what he wants from life. He is a fusion between the West and the Middle East. His mother is from the UK but to marry a Saudi, she needed to be converted to his religion, or, she was already a Muslim woman living in the UK. He studied in the US, he lived in NY, he works at the Saudi Embassy. He lives like a Western, he thinks like a Saudi!

He is using women just for his own gratification. Personally, I DON’T BELIEVE he was six years without sex. What a big lie! I believe he doesn’t have sex on Ramadan. Out of that period, I don’t believe.

I bet he has a Muslim girlfriend somewhere. I also believe he will never get married to a Western. It is something related to the “pure”. A Western woman is dirty, she does everything they will never accept. There is also the chance he is married. Who knows if he has a wife in Saudi Arabia? I am rambling but don’t get surprised  if he has.

You said “he is over the edge about germs”. It may be based on his beliefs. Germs are a product of the West. The West spreads the great diseases and the evil all over!

He works for the Saudi Government. OK, he can do whatever he wants! He has what is called “DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY”. He will never be in trouble with the Police for harassment and stalking. Only if he gets caught in the act. Other than that, forget! It’s the International Law. (Unless there is a special agreement between the US and Saudi Arabia).

You were toyed on his fashion. He has used his Saudi friends (maybe using the influence he has at the Embassy to find his stupid fellows of the diaspora) to scare you. He wanted you out of his life! You were followed, photographed, etc., just to make you feel scared. They called you all night long! A game to scare you. Once again, I bet he has a Muslim “fiancée” or wife. This can answer why he plays games with women. He is a great cheater and he needs to get rid, no matter how, of his girlfriends. That is why he called you ugly. Don’t care about it. He says the same to all when he gets tired of them.  

I don’t believe he is something more than a stupid scumbag, piece of shit. His profile doesn’t match what you may suspect. He can be on something illegal related to business, perhaps due to some influence at the embassy. The others, don’t want any noise around them.

What you need to do is blocking all communications with him. Don’t answer phone calls and e-mails. If he sends you an e-mail do not open it. He may send an attachement with a keylogger hidden and that’s why he knows what you do on the Internet. Try to install an anti-spyware on your computer and do a full sweep. Some keyloggers are not detected by the anti-virus.  

Run away and heal your wounds. Sing, dance, go out to parties! The scumbag wants to get rid of you? Good for you! Imagine how fortunate you are compared to a poor woman who may be dating him or even worse: married!

Chalk it up to experience! Do never try to contact him! There is no possible dialogue with a sociopath. It’s a game you will ever lose! If possible change your phone number.

I am afraid you can do nothing for the women on Yahoo Personals! You can post your story on all places available although  I know you are afraid and I understand.

For now, smile, lift your face and breathe deeply.

You are not alone! I understand how much you have suffered but IT’S OVER. He will never bother you again. I’ve learned when a scumbag wants to leave us we just need to let them go.

Keep being strong!

She is still afraid of posting a story on a message board. The bunch of Saudis did scare her.

Konfused, I don’t believe they stop on this site. They are checking porno for sure! It is something forbid in their country and when they are out, they want to feed their eyes from the starvation they have in their home land!!! Don’t be afraid!

Shattered,

As usual thanks for your great links. I can translate two chapters from the book I am reading and send it to you, if you want. I just need two or three weekends to do so.

Konfused,

I wouldn’t be so sure on what you may think. I used to be on a relationship during three years with a man who I thought it was a widower. We used to be together during weekends and I could call him at any time. Apparently there was no sign! We could be talking on the IM a whole night! No sign he was married. We had holidays together. Now, ask me how can he be married? Yes, almost impossible but he is and he lives with her!

You also played a game with him. "You wanted to get into his pants..." Lady, you were playing with fire!! You were also playing with him. You learned a lesson.

I understand what you feel but don’t take anything for granted.

About Diplomatic Immunity, I can see you are surprised. It doesn’t mean a person can commit a crime. It’s not that. Nobody can commit a crime but those who have diplomatic immunity CANNOT BE ARRESTED by the host country. Yes, a person who works at an embassy has Diplomatic Immunity! It doesn’t seem to me your guy is the one who cleans the bathrooms there :).

It’s the Convention of Vienna. The law is from 1961!

Check this link and read http://wordiq.com/definition/Diplomatic_immunity

Stay away from him and next time you got involved with someone, place your feelings first.  

You know, I think Shattered sent you nice links for you to check and read.

Understanding the anti social personality is half way for you to start being another woman. Next time, you will have your eyes wide open.

You are still atractive regardless of what he did to you. If he knew you were questioning your womanly and attraction because of him, he would be very smugged and happy. You don’t want this, do you? You are the same woman and wiser now: you’ve learned how to spot a guy with a personality disorder.

Any time you need come here to vent!

Good luck

Drugs here are a problem like in the other countries of Europe. We just have the problem of our geographical position. We are an entry country to Europe for those who travel from the American Continent. Flights from Colombia, for instance, need to be deeply checked.

I can tell you that last week, we had to deal with a Colombian girl en route to Spain, who swallow some packets of cocain. She could have died if they’d opened in her stomach while flying.

About the number of drug addicts, maybe it is now under control. But there is still a very high number and I am talking about the heavy drugs addicts. I am excluding the light drugs, like marijuana. We have the locals and now there is also an increasing  problem among some foreign communities especially Africans.

It affects all us here as the Government has a plan to treat those who want.  The money spent on methadon to replace the heroin, for i.e., is a serious issue. Methadon can be even more expensive than the drugs itselves. 

So, indirectly from our taxes we all paid this!

Anna,

I never heard from a massage parlour without sex in the middle. Those places are known as "places for sex" and I think it is the same all over the world.

To tell you something more I wanted to know if this a legal or illegal activity in the US.

You don't need to know more than what you know by now. You don't need more pain.

I've already told you on the other threat this is a very big problem to deal with, as this is a fétiche your husband suffers.

Anna, be strong and keep counselling. Do you notice any difference in your husband behaviour?

Tell us something more.

Big hug

Have a nice trip!

While in Morroco are you going to stay just in Marrakesh? Try to go to Fez. It is a very different city in central Morroco. I still have vivid images from there. The streets are so narrow that if you open up your arms you can touch the houses  from both sides of the streets.

Try always to wear a pair of jeans. Avoid if at all possible very short shorts or mini skirts. In some places of Marrakesh some guys like to catch us by surprise and put a snake in our necks just to take a photo. They try to sell it! I had a hard time dealing with it! I was always looking back.  

Bon Voyage!

On edit: I forgot to say that it was in 1998 and now things can be different. :)

Here we have Dove Gel Bath with different scents. I just use the one that says "Dove Original".

For me, it's the best!

Thank you Chick! ;)

It's always good to know those little things.

Hope you understand. If not, please tell me.

These are two simple dishes that we cook at home.

CHICKEN WITH PASTA

You  need:

- one chicken cut in pieces;

- oil;

- an onion cut in small cubes;

- two tomatos;

- garlic;

- ¼ of a pepper;

- red wine;

- pasta.

Cut the points of the chicken’s wings and remove the skin.The hormones are all there and before you prepare this recipe, put the chicken boiling in a saucepan for 15 minutes. This is just to remove the biggest part of the fat and hormones. Throw that water away. You will see how that water is full of fat.

Now, put a saucepan in the cooker with enough oil just covering the bottom. Add the cubes of the onion. When they start to get golden add one cup of water. Remove some part of the tomatos’ skin (not all because the skin gives a nice taste), cut the tomatos in small pieces and put them in the water. Let it cook a little for 10/15 minutes. Add a little bit of more water and put two teeth of garlic cut in pieces as also the pepper in pieces. Add some red wine (this is just to give some taste as the alcohol is going to evaporate during the cooking).

Add the chicken, if necessary add water.

Put salt. Check the water’s level and if you see there is enough water to add the pasta, that’s ok. If not, add some more water. When it’s all boiling add the pasta. More 10/15 minutes and it’s ready.

My advice is to use curved pasta (kind of macarroni but curved) because it helps to get tasty.

TURKEY FILLETS WITH RICE OF TOMATO AND PEAS

You need:

-         Turkey cut for fillets;

-         Salt;

-         One lemon;

-         Cayenne pepper;

-         Breadcrumbs;

-         Rice;

-         One tomato;

-         Peas.

Pick up the fillets and put on them salt and the juice of a lemon. Add some cayenne pepper. Let it stay on that marinade for some hours.

To the rice:

Cut an onion in cubes. Put oil on a saucepan just covering the bottom and add the cubes of the onion. When they’re golden add twice the amount of water you have for the rice. For example: for one cup of rice put two equal cups of water.

Add the tomato cut in pieces with the skin removed. Cook a little. Add the peas and after some minutes add the rice.

Pick up the fillets and involve them on the breadcrumbs. Fry them on a frying pan.

Bon appétit.

P.S. Eat always fruit after the meals!

 Always you like you can have your meals with a salad of lettuce and raw tomatoes round cut. Add olive oil and a little of vinegar (use cidra apple vinegar instead of wine because it’s healthier).

Just use wine vinegar to wash vegetables.

I am going to start from your last statement.

It helps being here posting. I just don’t know if some members understand me. I am a foreigner and it can be an handycap.  I know sometimes my English is not very good, especially when I’m tired. Other than my mother tongue, French is my second language. Than comes the Spanish, so, you see, sometimes it’s hard to me.

I am also too straight sometimes. It may be a lacking of "savoir faire" but it's due to my job :)

At the same time, I am also on a Portuguese group for the same stuff.

I am still hoping that one day, another victim of the same guy will post here… ;)

Ok, you have another post with two recipes. It is simple food, cooked mainly at home.

I have more if you like. Do you eat fish?

I will really try this Prep. H.

Thank you all of you.

Fantastic post Shattered.

It is all so true.

Hey, thank you Krismiss and Chick.

Another recipe came to my mind because it's my favourite.

CODFISH WITH POTATOES

- Codfish;

- Potatoes;

- Onions;

- Garlic;

- olive oil;

- tomato in tube or in can;

- paprika;

- Small leave of a bay tree.

Smash the codfish with the hands, removing the spines and the skin.

Slice the potatoes and the onions.

Pick up a saucepan.

Start with the onions slices. Make a layer of onion slices at the bottom of the saucepan. Above this layer make another one with potatoes slices, next add another layer of codfish. Repeat these steps till when you think it’s ok.

Add just a cup of water (it will be enough). Add the tomato, the garlic teeth cut in pieces. Add a good amount of olive oil and a small amount of paprika. To finish, put at the top the bay tree leave.

Put the saucepan in the cooker and start cooking. It will take 30/35 minutes to get ready.

If you don’t like codfish you can replace it by another one similar, like hake or whiting (I don't know if it is the right name).

DamageControl,

I think this girl has reasons to go to the Police. They were living together and because she was trusting him, she gave him the PIN. He, Dick, abusing on her trusting withdrawed from ATMs, money without her consentment and when she find it out he denied everything.

Ok, I don’t know US laws, or, better said, your state laws for this but I am pretty sure this guy named Dick commited a crime. In my country it is a crime called "abuse of confidence". For sure it must be similar there.

If I were on her shoes, I would go to the Police, really.

Good luck to her.  

P.S. - This guy needs to walk on the streets with a paper stuck on his back saying "nice asshole for free".

Krismiss and Chick are right.

You should avoid high heels.

At the same time you should go to a doctor for a complete check up.

Do you notice any difference on the number of times you go to the bathroom, for instance?

I am not a doctor or a nurse but I've heard too many times it can be due to kidney problems, heart or lymphatic circulation. Anyway, do not get worried. Just try to check it out.

The most probable reason is that you stand on your feet the whole time. Walk at least 30 minutes each day.

I don't know what can I say here. I was involved with a cheater during three years and I didn't look at the clues. How I wish I could go back three years in time.

I still don't understand this behaviour online. If someone just wants sex, why cheating this way? There are too many women and men available just for a sex relationship that can be found in a bar, for instance. So, why going to the Internet pretending one whole life? Why spending money with travels? What is the gain?

If all those men and women could have a pale idea of the devastation they bring to others' life, they should cover the face for a whole eternity.  They should be ashamed of themselves.

Unfortunatelly I've learned they don't feel regret. Even worse: they have no feelings at all. 

Bunnyluvin,

I don't know you at all but it seems to me you need to understand life is not like we want it to be. There are always "spines on the roses" and we just need to go through adversity. You have to remember there's always someone living worse situations.

I just can say

"Smile, even if your smile is sad!

Because sadder than your sad smile,

Is the sadness of not watching you smile."

Alexander,

You are a very nice person and you were really great when I posted my story here on this site. You were the first answering and I won't forget it.

Whatever is the reason you need therapy, is always a right choice. Don't be afraid of medications because you are not going to get zombie.

For a while I thought like you. I was too stubborn and I wanted to do things on my own. Then, a time came I couldn't sleep a whole night. There were days I couldn't sleep more than a hour per night. You can't imagine how I was working. It was a miracle I never had a car accident, just to make you a picture what was my life after the shock I went through, when I found out I've been joked just for someone's gratification.

I went to therapy and it was the best I did. I also started medication. I am on Zoloft. At the beggining I had some liver problems but as time went by, all went to normal. I was also taking what is called an hipnotic pill to sleep. Now, I don't need it any longer. I can sleep without pills and that is great. 

I didn’t read the book People of the Lie but I am interested. I will try to buy the book here otherwise I will buy it on Amazon.

I’ve read all the articles about Internet Predators and Players and I’ve also followed the links on your site. They really help and we can have an idea about all those liars and cheaters.

At the same time, I dare to start a theory of my own. You know, it’s like a criminal’s mind. A serial killer, a rapist or a burglar have in common a "modus operandi". They develop their modus operandi to find places and victims.

I think all these folks follow a common modus operandi:

1) They have the place - the Internet;

2) They choose the victim;

3) They seduce the victim;

4) Gradually they start to gain victim’s trust; 

5) They develop the relationship;

6) At a time of their choosing they start to disapear; (generally they tell a story like: I am going to work on another place and I will be busy to write)

7) Total lack of communication from their side. 

8) The victim discovers the truth.

I do believe this applies to the majority of situations. Having read a lot of articles and stories from your site and links, and also from what I heard, generally it’s how they act.

Great Con Artists!  

At the same time there are still people who look at it like as harmless behaviour. I found this post on a site. It is from a woman whose husband cheats on her online:

Yeah, so right Shattered!

What an emotional rape it was for both of us. To be frank I need to read Cagirl story. I think I missed that one.

This should be considered a crime. It should be considered a crime called "lack of good faith", which means, someone who lies and pretends a life just to use one person, no matter what the agenda is.

On my case, trusting will be difficult.

Well, I am going to read Cagirl story.

You're great Shattered.

I just read Cagirl story and I cannot understand how I’ve missed it!

Well, Cagirl could be me when I was married. I was just strong enough not to believe the problem was on me. Cagirl has everything that lacks on him. Maybe smarter than him and making more money. The only way he finds to defeat her is playing mind games and making her believe she is guilty for each single bad deed he does. It’s an emotional rape. Sure it is and unfortunatelly I know it very well.

I knew it again although on a different stage with the guy living in Germany: The great pretender!

I have a voice inside telling me his wife is also a victim like Cagirl is at the moment.

I can't understand how could I miss that story. I am not going to add anything new to what others have already said.

This guy is in fact too classic. This is a normal story (with almost all the details) any woman in danger has, when they start to search for help whether at the police or at any institution that helps women in danger.

Cagirl, it's never too late. You are independent. Don't let him f**k your life and do NEVER FEAR HIM.

Move out before it's too late. I am sorry for you and also for his ex-wife. I am pretty sure if you could talk to her, you'd be horrified on what she can tell you.

Do not play his "mind and controlling games". This kind of man will never change and lots of times those stories have bad endings.

Good luck for you.

I really loved this post. I want to make some comments here because at this present moment I am attending a seminar on my job’s headquarters in Lisbon about some stuff that is present on Holly’s story.

First of all it represents the fail of some judicial systems when they have to deal with foreigners.

Ali Rasai is not only a rapist. He has more crimes behind him. He needs to be judged on several countries for rape and false identification.

Holly commited one mistake all women commit when they are raped although I understand because if I were on their feet, I’d do the same for sure.

A woman cannot take a shower after the rape! The reason is if she takes a shower the evidence may be gone. On this case she knew the attacker. Now imagine if she didn’t know him at all? How to prove in court he raped her? So, no shower! It’s always possible to get a sample of semen to get the DNA from the offender and lots of times it’s the only evidence (and the only necessary).

Now, let’s get focused on Ali, the Iranian. This man stands behind something. Fake documents to travel are one evidence. Obviously fake documents need alias! Those documents are not cheap. They need to be paid and well paid. Where was he getting the money to pay for the documents and for so many travels? Did he have a money factory? So, something here stinks!

This could lead us to a debate. The problem of the documents. Western countries were not ready to deal with it. I can tell you that my country needs to insert more security data on our documents. The reason is to detect those guys with fake documents.

Nowadays the situation here in Europe is not good. There is an agreement between a large number of countries called "Schengen agreement". This agreement allows a citizen from outside Europe to go to all Schengen countries with just an entry visa for one country. Example: a visa to enter in France, allows that person to travel  in Portugal, Spain, Holland, Denmark, Sweden, etc, etc.

What happened with Holly story is not just a fail from the Justice of Canada. It’s also a fail from Australian authorities. Don’t you get surprised it was Turkey the country that caught the guy? I just don’t understand why didn’t Turkish authorities arrest the guy at the airport. Well it was Germany. Frankfurt airport generally is an airport for people in transit and they catch a lot of those guys there with fake documents.

I know Western Europe, U.S.A. and Canada are working with those issues to avoid it. Homework is being done and I really do hope Holly’s story won’t repeat because of lack of agreements and no responsability at checking carefully documents and worse than that: authorities not checking Interpol databases at airports.

Shattered,

I don’t doubt this technique was used with me too! So many things matching!

Well, at least I don’t feel so stupid. With all those online lessons, no doubt, everyone falls on the trap. You know what? It’s disgusting....

Once again thank you 

P.S. - Sosuave.com is also a strange name. "Suave" is a Portuguese word that means "soft". Now you can see "so soft"....

The Governments plan to treat the heavy drug addicts has the purposal to reduce the violent crime.

Well, the legal blood alcohol level here is .5!!

Shattered,

I just wrote to your friend Holly. I posted my comment and I told there what must be done by a victim of rape. Who knows, it may help future victims.

This is a great site about Narcissists and pathological liars. When I was reading the stories it was like I was watching mine on a screen.

I was told the same Shattered. I still remember the words. "I don’t want to let you go, NEVER"! And guess what? After I find out some part of the truth (because I believe my ex must have a secret life) he blamed me for everything that went wrong. This is just the first letter he sent me after I find out he was married. I have more but this one shows his lying character:

Shattered (and all others)

My last post is a post with words from a liar and a cheater. As you can understand he doesn't admit the truth and he is blaming me for not trusting him. He wants to tell me that he is out somewhere fitghting terrorism. What a big lie! He is married and he is a retired military. He is just the Chief of Housing for Stuttgart region.

Are there any comments to this? No, no comments.

Oh great Mary!!!!

You know Cadia, you can call me crazy but we, women, we all generally do the same mistakes.

When we catch them on a lie, the first thing we do is to call them, let them know how we are feeling miserable due to their actions. This is a terrible mistake! Why? Do you ask. The answer is simple. It allows them to dwel on lame excuses, it allows them to tell how they love us and how important we are on their lives. They still keep telling lies and it’s our fault because generally we tend to believe them. We think with the heart and not with the reason. With this, they think there are no boundaries of decency on a relationship. With time, you’ll see you’ve been wasting your time, your energy, your life…

If we were clever, we should keep our mouths shut and move away. Believe me, this is the best because they start to get nervous. What has she found out? Did she find out this or that? They get really nervous.

His profile is a BIG RED FLAG and jump before it’s too late. You don’t need to stay with a man who doesn’t respect you. I’d rather be alone because a relationship is not a triangle or an open free space. If they want more women they can get converted to the Islam and start an harem!  

Get focused on your studies and sooner or later you’ll find someone who respects you and REALLY loves you.

shattered4good wrote:

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!! I pulled this from another place and was so stunned I had to share it here.  IT IS VERY GRAPHIC SO PLEASE BE WARNED!!!  It is a post from a "diagnosed sociopath" and one of the replies from a public forum called craigslist. I’m sure many of  you have heard of it. well people can get on there and say pretty much anything that is on their mind. It is an anonymous forum. there is no way to track down who writes what. If you really want to know what goes on in some of these guys heads, read on.: "I have a long history with women. I have been in many committed relationships over the years but have always maintained relationships on the side. None of my girlfriends know about the other women when I start seeing them but they eventually find out. There is only so long that you can keep it a secret. They either let it slide or leave me and I just pick up with the ones that I have on the side that dont know about the other women until the same thing happens with them. I have been doing this for years now. About 10 or 12 years ago I am pretty sure I contracted HPV. Every once in a while I would get these little growths on my dick. They always popped up overnight and never got bigger than a pencil eraser. Whenever this happened I would just grit my teeth and pull the fuckers off using my fingernails. I would make sure it was all gone and squeeze as much blood as I could from the wound. Then I would mop everything up with alcohol and hope for the best. It always worked and I never got more than 1 or 2 evry few years. I am pretty much a serial dater and I will fuck anything I can find. I hate condoms with a passion and try my best to never use them. It is pretty easy because I am very good at other things to the point that the woman wont even care that I am not wearing one and will pull me up and let me fuck her without it. I love when that happens, because I know she just wants the dick in her no matter how dangerous it is. I have had a few girls over the years confront me on the HPV thing but it is sucha pervasive that I turn it around on them and they end up trying to figure out where they go it from. I still wont use condoms if I can avoid using them. I never have a problem finding women that dont mind if you dont use them either. On some occasions if the woman makes me use one I will fuck her wildly and make the thing tear and then cum inside of her as well. On more than 1 occasion I have taken the thing off in mid fuck and cum inisde them and then roll off of them and pretend like I am taking the condom off. I have this one chick that I have been fucking for 5 years who still does not have my phone #. I can call her after not talking to her for months and she will invite me over and I will fuck her raw for hours. She is a hopeless case and less than good-looking so she takes what she can get. I call her up on a whim and tell her I am going to be in her hood for the night and she will tell me to come by. I think I will call her right now. I am such a nice guy...   I am a diagnosed sociopath. I was forced into therapy many years ago when I got into trouble as a teen. I really do not care one way or the other about anyone but myself. I make a very decent living (100k-120k) and steal from every employer I have ever had. I will walk the hallways of any job I have had and find things to sell on ebay and use the company fedex account to send the stuff out. My feedback is off the charts because I send everything priority overnight without telling the buyer. It is pretty easy finding women who will let me fuck them without condoms. I am a reasonably good looking guy with a great knack for engaging conversations. I know a little about everything, just enough to make you think I know a lot when I really dont know shit. It is all about knowing the buzzwords. I chat the women up and chisel my way into their heads. I could care less if I have sex with a woman on the 1st, 2nd or 3rd date. I could wait months if that is how long it takes. I want the woman to be the one to engage the actual sex act. I can have my dick at the entrance to her pussy and if she tells me to stop I will. I want there to be no reservations about giving themselves to me sexually. This is one of the reasons I have had so many women fall in love with me. As soon as I leave a woman that stops the sex act, I just call another one and bang away. Women seem to think any guy who waits for sex is really into them. For me it is all about the mind games. Sex is great but fucking the mind is even better. Women equate love with sex, I dont. It is just power to me."   The reply: "The problem with you guys not caring is not entirely your fault, but in fact you are very scared and angry underneath this whole "facade". I pity you, it’s a disease, with a poor prognosis and a high risk of STD’s apparently. You almost seem to be proud of your STD. Actually sociopaths don’t understand love. So in fact the closest they get to it is sex, so in a way they do equate it with love. Your inability to feel love is the reason you are so promiscous. You have to get your thrills somewhere, right. But not here."

Do you remember my comparison between a criminal and those guys?

I think I'm not so wrong. As you can see, it is followed a "modus operandi".

Disgusting...

Dear Shattered,

First of all a for you too.

I don't know if they pick up the best. I think they try to wound the strongest. From my side I can say that as long as I have some strength I will fight those type of scumbag the much as I can. For 13 years I've been trying to remove some "society shit" (pardon the french) out of the streets. I just have to add one more "kind of criminals" on my crusade.

Thank you for all and YOU'RE GREAT!!!!

If I were in your shoes I would start planning living alone. Don't allow this man to tell you what he is telling.

Who does he think he is?

A nice poem Cagirl.

You know I used to do the same. I just wrote them on another language. Time will heal your wounds.

Good luck

I read here a strong manipulation.

Do you have any chance to find a job? That would be my starting point.

Please don’t get me wrong but having read some of your posts (I am not answering just based on this one), allow a woman who lives very, very far from you to tell you that you need to change the way you see and live your life.

I understand what you went through and I can guess it has been tough to deal with all this. Yes, I understand.

I just think that you need to have something different in your life. For instance, why don’t you try to learn something new? A new language? When we’re busy learning something we don’t think so much on how life has been bad to us.

You have been living some real bad moments, so, knowing what you know now, you need to get based on your previous experiences and be able to see from a distance what you should or what you shouldn’t do.

Just to give you an example, I wouldn’t go lunch with a guy who says he still loves me if he is going to marry another woman. I am not criticizing (once again, try to understand this is just an opinion) but it doesn’t make any sense at all. Why are you wasting your time with him? Are you opening a path to him to have an affair with you? I’m pretty sure you’re not but he will may think you are and I wouldn’t be so surprised at all that in the future he’d knock at your door...you know for what.

If I were figthing for the custody of my child I wouldn’t be waiting for the father’s money. He has to give the money for child support (no doubt about it) but I wouldn’t cross my arms as well. First thing to do: trying to find a job.

Another thing to do is lowering the amount of money we spend on frivolous things. This is the basic rule! We just buy or pay what we really need to. Other than that, cut!

Getting back to the beggining, you really need to get focused on something new. Oh yes you need! Learning new things open us a window of curiosity and knowledge. We have new things on our mind, we’re busy with new worlds, with new people. We learn how to deal with people from different places, from difficult cultures, not looking so much to our belly. This is a way of enlarging our horizons. With a very large horizon, you will learn, for instance, love is not based on beauty.

I remember you have a post with a picture showing a brunette your ex was dating. You said on that post something like "how can it be possible?" because she was not so beautiful compared to you. In fact, you are more beautiful than her but it doesn’t mean anything. I don’t know both of you but you need to learn that love and a relationship has nothing to do with the outside beauty. It has to do with the beauty that comes inside, that you have within you. A pretty face may be just a facade. How many times did we all hear this statment from a man "Oh that woman is really beautiful but she cannot open the mouth because she cannot say anything smart". (this is just an example, I am not thinking about you). This is more common than what we all think! And I know what I am talking about because in my job I am the only woman surrounded by twelve men.

Learning new things and enlarging horizons can also be a kind of a treatment to you. You said you are a sex addict but I am pretty sure if you want so, you’ll be able to control your libido. 

You need to do so because other women can look at you as a threat. Believe me!

For now, don’t live your life just thinking on your past, present or future relationships. Start thinking on a new life and enlarge those horizons! Be open to new "healthy" friends. Here you have lots to help you. Really lots. Not only three, four or five! Look at how many people post here!

On the outside world do the same! Make new friends! It will help you. The diversity is so, so good. Different experiences, different cultures, different opinions.

At the end you will see, the world has so much to offer. You’ll get happier and sooner or later you’ll find the "right" someone.

Dear board friends,

I want to thank you for the compliments I read on another post.

I admire Krismiss for her common sense. She uses common sense to help others and that is great. The problem is that sometimes when we want to help, we CANNOT say what people want to listen. We need to show them reality and that is very different. To me, that's exactly what a friend needs to be, pointing out the good and the bad. Keep on Krismiss, you're great!

Alex: You are really a nice person. I don't forget what you said by the first time I posted here. You are great and you give very nice answers to posters.

I don't use translators to write on a different language. I write like if I were writing on my mother tongue. I had a French teacher in the past who taught me a secret: when you write or speak on a different language, never think in your own language. You will never be able to translate the idiomatic expressions. This is true. If you use a translator, you are entering the "non sense kingdom".

Europe is a continent with a diversity of languages. That's why many people here speak several languages.

I still have three languages I would like to learn and I am working on it. German, Russian and Arab. If everything goes well, I will start in September a free course for Arab at the University, with a teacher from Morroco. That would be like a dream coming true. I don't know yet if I will be able to write those strange characters from the right to the left. That will be a challenge.

One of the things I like on this board is that we can find real smart and nice people. I adore Shattered. She is so great and nice!

Everyone here is great. I will not say more names because I could forget some and that would be a mistake.

Thank you everybody.

 to all of you!

Well ladies you're both great! Thanks.

Lady, I speak four languages (Portuguese, French, Spanish and English). If you start to learn Russian in the near future, please let me know that I will try to start learning as well. We could practice here, what do you think? :) The only problem is to use the cyrilic alphabet...In terms of sound, Russian has no accent which helps very much. I have some friends who told me it's not that difficult. Shall we go for it? :)

I’ve been on the same boat and that’s why I noticed your situation all at once.

I am glad you were brave enough to leave him and you are doing the right things. There is no right to treat someone the way you were treated. If you feel lonely, don’t hesitate, come here to vent. 

Do you have news from your friend Holly? I would like to have some feedback from her.

Yes Cagirl,

These are extracts from letters he sent me after I found out he was married. It’s fantastic, isn’t it?

You know, I still feel like a dumb because I trusted him for three years. When things started to smell bad, I did some background searches and I had all my answers.  I still cannot believe.

You know, I think cheaters and abusers they all read the same book. It must be a kind of "Cheaters’ Instructions".

My story is on the Message board for Germany.

I’m glad you left your man. Good luck!

Ooops Alex, what is a Marijuana brownie? :)

Is Marijuana legal there?

I have to disagree Bunnyluvin. It may depend on how things afftect you but you need to accept there will be always someome living worse situations.

What about those who have a car accident and end up in a wheelchair? Someone diagnosed with cancer? Imagine yourself you are a woman aware of your rights and you live in Afghanistan?

I think it is an injustice saying there are no worse problems.

This is just an opinion but we can't look just at our belly!

Theories? Well, it sounds he is cheating on you. Porno, e-mail addresses and phone calls at 4 am...

What can I say? You have some clues. I suggest you start to make some background searches, if you have the chance to do so. Here on this site, there is also a section called Catch a Cheater, it may help you. 

Chick,

What do you need to have your motivation? Can I help you?

You know, nowadays I have a little more time to my hobbies and things I want to learn. During almost ten years I was working lots of hours per day and I couldn't do the things I wanted to. Now that I have the chance I don't want to miss it.

You know Chick, you’re also a nice person here. As you can understand this wasn’t an innocent post. I just read something on another, that lead me to do this. ;)

Well Bunnyluvin,

This could be a never ending post and each one has a different point of view that I have to accept but I think you shouldn’t point out the things the way you did. I know feelings and emotions are totally different from person to person but that is not the point.

Let’s imagine two scenarios. I am going to interpretate this through your point of view:

1) You go to the hospital because you have a flu. You are a young person with no health complications. After you, someone enters the hospital with a leg and an arm broken. Doctors start to treat first the person with the broken leg and arm. Suddenly you say: hey, please treat me because I’ve arrived here first and to me my flu is so bad as a broken leg!

2) Now imagine this: a CSI team is called at the same time to check two crime scenes. A house has been burgled and on the other side of the town there was an homicide. What is the first place to go? No doubt, is the homicide but if the owner of the burgled house thinks like you, he may say: sorry but my case is so bad as the homicide.

This was just to tell you that whether you want it or not there will always be worse situations. Don’t get confused with strong personalities like Christopher Reeves. He is an example of determination of going through adversity. Strong personalities have the capacity of not falling down facing the problems. They just try to help themselves.

About someone diagnosed with cancer, it also depends on its stage. On the terminal stage of the disease, I can’t imagine any challenge! Maybe only facing the unknown. Can we call it the other side of life? If death is a cycle of life...

When I talked about women of Afghanistan, I was also clear. I said a woman AWARE of her rights. Maybe one day during your free time you can google the word RAWA. Read everything you can and you will see how your problems (mine also) are just a joke!

Alex,

I think Ireland’s law is similar to the Portuguese. We are talking about Catholic countries.

Divorce is allowed (there are some directives coming from the European Union and all member countries respect). I don’t know any European Union country where divorce is difficult. It isn’t religious based.

What is different in Ireland and difficult is the abortion (like here). Abortion is ilegal but she can clarify us for sure!

For me the best qualities:

-         intelligent;

-         caring;

-         good listener;

-         likes reading, watching movies and listening to music;

-         art lover;

-         sense of humour;

-     helps in kitchen;

-         true.

What I avoid:

-         drinking too much;

-         telling stories where he is always a hero;

-         not paying attention to his image;

-         selfish;

-         not being able to have a smart conversation.

For a relationship add to the qualities physical attraction.

You need a brain transplant? Oh you're joking :)

With all your knowledge about medical stuff, I needed you to work on my team, believe me.

Bunnyluvin,

I didn’t mean to piss you off either. I was just showing you my point of view. What we had here was just a debate, do you understand?

You and I, we belong to societies where each one can show a different point of view. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about yours. You must express always your opinion. That’s democracy!

It's obvious you don't know me, otherwise you wouldn't get angry. I just like the debate, that's it.

No doubt Cagirl. Another one who blames you for everything. He blames his ex-wife, be blames you. He’s the only innocent, he’s a victim. Nice projection! (Isn’t it, Shattered?)

I just hope he never crosses your life again. 

What can I tell you more? It will take some time for you to heal your wounds. You know what? Stay here to give your advice to other women. You're strong and I am pretty sure you'll give smart opinions.

Good luck!

Judyl, they all read the same book, what can we do? ;)

it seems we all have been on the same boat!

This sounds like a joke! She was trying to hire someone to kill her ex-husband with his own money? Fantastic! I know a lot of similar stories but this one has this difference.

Glad she was caught!

Hey, I don't doubt a single word on this story. You know, I am a little bit used to crazy things and that's why I tend to laugh.

Maybe she thought "well, he is going to die, he doesn't need money and he can pay his own death".

That's why I laughed.

We can never imagine what an humain being is able to do!

YES!!!!!!!!!

Well, José Mourinho is a man from my country! He was the manager of FC Porto, a club from the city where I live.

I agree with you! I love his smile.

The man on the right on the top picture is the President of FC Porto (Pinto da Costa).

Yes, I vote for the Portuguese José Mourinho but let me tell you one thing: he cheated on his wife while he was the coach of FC Porto, her husband spat on him in the Stadium of Chelsea during the match Chelsea-Porto.

He left Porto because Abramovitch pays him a fortune and also because the husband of the other lady was chasing him.

It seems to me, based on what you've posted, you have been dating to a sociopath.

A sociopath doesn't feel love and doesn't feel regret.

-----------------------------------------

Read this:

Profile of a Sociopath

A number of mind-manipulating cult leaders may exhibit many of the behavioral characteristics of a sociopath--an outstanding ability to charm and seduce followers. Since they appear apparently normal, they are not easily recognizable as deviant or disturbed. Although only a trained professional can make a diagnosis, it is important to be able to recognize the personality type in order to avoid further abuse. These traits also apply to a one-on-one cultic relationship.

Glibness/Superficial Charm

Language can be used without effort by them to confuse and convince their audience. Captivating storytellers that exude self-confidence, they can spin a web that intrigues others. Since they are persuasive, they have the capacity to destroy their critics verbally or emotionally.

Manipulative and Conning

They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They dominate and humiliate their victims.

Grandiose Sense of Self

Feels entitled to certain things as "their right." Craves adulation and attendance. Must be the center of attention with their own fantasies as the "spokesman for God," "enlightened,"  "leader of humankind," etc. Creates an us-versus-them mentality

Pathological Lying

Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and able to pass lie detector tests.

Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt

A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

Shallow Emotions

When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion, it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

Incapacity for Love

While they talk about "God's love" they are unable to give or receive it. Since they do not believe in the genuineness of their followers' love, they are very harsh in testing it from their devotees and expect them to feel guilt for their failings. Expects unconditional surrender.

Need for Stimulation

Living on the edge, yet testing the beliefs of their followers with bizarre rules, punishments and behaviors. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal.

Callousness/Lack of Empathy

Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them. Their skills are used to exploit, abuse and exert power. Since the follower cannot believe their leader would callously hurt them, they rationalize the behavior as necessary for their (or the group's) own "good" and deny the abuse. When devotees become aware of the exploitation it feels like a "spiritual rape" to them.

Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature

Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others. The followers only see them as near perfect.

Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency

Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

Irresponsibility/Unreliability

Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blame their followers or others outside their group. Blame reinforces passivity and obedience and produces guilt, shame, terror and conformity in the followers.

Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity

Totalist leaders frequently practice promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts. This is usually kept hidden from all but the inner circle. Stringent sexual control of their followers, such as forced breakups and divorces, removal of children from parents, rules for dating, etc.

Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle

Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future. Many groups claim as their goal world-domination or other utopian promises. Great contrast between the leader's opulent lifestyle and the followers' impoverishment. Support by gifts and donations from the followers who are pressured to give through fear and guilt. Highly sensitive to their own pain and health.

Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility

Changes their image and that of the group as needed to avoid prosecution and to increase income and to recruit a range of members. Is able to adapt or relocate as needed to preserve the group. Can resurface later with a new name, a new front group and a new twist on the scam.

Other Related Qualities:

Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them

Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them

Authoritarian

Secretive

Paranoid

Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired

Conventional appearance

Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)

Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life

Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)

Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim

Incapable of real human attachment to another

Unable to feel remorse or guilt

Extreme narcissism and grandiose

------------------------------------------------

Anyway Shattered is the right person to answer this. Search her posts and you will find a link to her website. It's a fountain of information. You won't waste your time. 

Whosfoolingwho,

Go for the DNA test to end all doubts.

Meanwhile if you have a chance, create an e-mail account with a name different than yours. Go to www.readnotify.com. Create an account there (free for sending ten e-mails), use your imagination and send one e-mail to taht person following the steps there.

When the person opens the e-mail, you can know where the person is located and also the IP Address. Then, check to whom the IP belongs. Maybe it will give you an idea.

Good luck

If he has a personality disorder you're just wasting your precious time writing to him. Each time you write to him or speak to him, you'll get hurt.

I know it's difficult but forget him and never contact him.

Cheer up, it was a good thing to you that he has gone.

And that capability of learning from your mistakes, places you on the group of clever people and passionate as well.

Questioning what we are, what do we want and where do we want to go, is the best thing to do to find our path on life.

There will be moments we’ll fail and others we’ll win. That’s life and that’s what turns you different from those who think they don’t need to question anything.

Remember the Greek philosophers! Remember Socrates: I just know I know nothing! Aristoteles spoke about Ethics. To him, soul has three functions: vegetative, sensitive and intelectual.

Platão (sorry, I don’t know how to say his name in English), used to question successively the external appearance of things, separating the abstract. After that operation, you would get your real “you”.

But, following Descartes “I think, therefore I exist”, we just know that we live, so, we need to learn everything based on what we believe and on what we think it’s better.

Nice post Alexander. I like this!  

Ok, we all have two sides: the dark and the light! Generally we tend to act using the feelings and emotions of the side of the light. The bad that happens to us, placing us bad feelings, anger, rage… it’s hidden on the dark side. We just need to be more sensitive or facing some situation that gives an order to our uncounscient, and the dark side comes to the surface.

It’s normal feeling anger, the rage inside us if, for instance, we were bullied.

On my case, I have lots of difficulties in trusting people. Is it fair? No it isn’t because others are not guilty of what happened to us. Perhaps religion may help on this issue because it teaches us something very important: the forgiveness!

When we forgive we don’t feel like you feel now! Forgive and forget! You will never be able to get rid of your dark side (I think), you just need to balance it right. In fact, we cannot be neither too good nor too bad.

There is a balance we need to find according to the situations.

Yes it makes. Anyway rather than just looking at others qualities try to find yours, and man you have a lot of them.

You know, we cannot be equal! Each person has a different personality. You just need to pick up the best you have on you.

I totally agree with you!

Hey, it seems you are a winner! That's great!

See Alexander, you have here an example on how to deal with that dark side ;)

Well, my High School for sure, was different from yours as it is a school from another country. My High Scool was known in the city for being very demanding with their students. In fact, there were some tough teachers but we survived J.

I miss my colleagues. I lost contact with the majority of them. Some days ago I knew one of the girls in class, is a manager in a hotel in Lima, Peru and I am very surprised.

I also miss the parties and our gatherings at the cafés near the School. In one of those meetings we decided to surprise our Maths teacher. She was mean and tough, so, one day, we’ve decided there should be no Maths class that day. What did we do? We went to the place where all the room keys were kept and we threw to a lake the key of the Maths room’s door.

The stuff at school, didn’t have a second copy of the key and we were all sent to what you call the Principal. We were all punished! During one week we were obliged to stay at the Library during breaks, otherwise we could be sent to another school, expelled from the one we were attending classes.

Needless is to say that we all had a hard time with Maths classes. She became even more demanding and we all sweat a lot to pass.  

My French teacher was a very sweet lady and by coincidence she lives near me. She still remembers me and she loves to kiss my face and she often invites me for a cup of tea.

One day two kids stole the car’s radio from one colleague of mine. When he was approaching the car, he saw the two kids inside. He ran to catch them but obviously the kids ran as well. He was able to catch one and he took him to our room at job. He was 13 years old. My colleague picked up his hand and placed it on a photocopier machine. He said, this machine is a machine for the truth. If you don’t say who is the other guy who was with you, when I’ll hit the green key (the copy button) you can’t imagine what is going to happen to you. Before he hit the button, the boy started to scream “Please, don’t do that, I will tell you who is the other guy and where he lives…”

Oooopppss Shattered! How did teachers and stuff at school allow this? My God!

Well, teach your girl on how to defend herself even if one day out of school, she will need to break someone's face. At least from that moment on, they will think twice...

The pictures are all from my city, Porto! What you see is the old town by the river!

Well this country is beautiful. My pictures are all from the city of Porto but if you want to see more check out this site http://www.pbase.com/diasdosreis/portugal_stock

Each picture is an entry for a gallery of a region of Portugal.

We are a country of sun and it’s difficult to tell you what are the main attractions here. You can find the old mixed with the modern. There are nice beaches, nice mountains and the countryside is spectacular!

If you click here http://www.cm-cinfaes.pt/inicial2.htm, you will see the small village where I was born. Then, click on the home page and it will turn you into Portuguese. At your left, try to find “Galeria Fotográfica” and you will see more photos from my region. Hope you like, you’re already my guest!!

Anyway, the US, must be also spectacular and immense!

All is true Krismiss, no photo tricks.

If you want to come here one day, you're already my guest! 

I am with Shattered.

Don't go out with him, don't answer his phone calls, etc, etc.

About the other guy, I also think the same.

You shouldn’t be ashamed Shattered. What happened with Jeff it’s his fault and not yours. Keep that in mind, please!

When I knew I’ve been involved with a married guy, I felt ashamed the same way as you. I know one priest (Catholic) and I’ve talked to him saying that I was feeling bad and ashmed because I dated a man who was already married.

Do you know what he told me? No, there is no sin! HE, he commited a sin but not you. Forgive him because Christ also forgave (you know the old dogma from Catholic Church).Stay in peace with your heart because my dear he will never be in peace after what he did to you. He knows God will punish him one day. (Well, I don’t know if I should believe he is not in peace, I really believe he is laughing).

So, never feel ashamed. It just happened! What you do to help others is fantastic. Maybe God up there (and I am talking about only one God, the same for Jews, Catholics, etc) needed you to help others.

Reading it under Catholic beliefs, maybe this is the provation to deserve Heaven.

You are spreading the good for one reason and maybe you were one of the chosen.

Didn’t you know about the incident on Chelsea Stadium during the match Chelsea-Porto for the Champions League?

UEFA wanted to punish the fans of Porto but José Mourinho wrote to the UEFA stuff, saying it was personal. He had his reasons ;)

Anyway, he is sexy. Ah, and that Armani coat with the collar always up ... makes him even more sexy. 

By the way, he is an example of self determination. He has the ability to pick up a guy walking with a cane and transforming him into a soccer player. That’s why he is considered the best coach in the world.

Well, I cannot tell you what kind of companies are there waiting for each one of us but I do know one thing: I don't want to know.

I am like a colleague of mine. He is always saying he doesn't care if he is going to die one day. He just doesn't want to die neither by day nor by night!

Shattered,

Do I need to cross the Atlantic to smash you woman? :)

What happened is past! It was bad but you’re alive and you are needed alive. You have your kids, in the future you will have your grandchildren. Your grandchildren will need you. You are needed to spread love!  They need to hear your story by your own mouth!

If that makes you happy, it was good for me “to know” you.

So smile, otherwise, I will try to find you to pull your ear and you watch out, I am mean!    :) Oh so mean!! :)

Damn, you’re so right!

You know some people have a brain inside the head, others just have shit. To turn things even worse they create those websites for those who have the brain, pardon, the shit, with a direct link to the bowels.

After reading all the tips and instructions from those clever posts, they are ready for their moment of glory. :)

Sorry for my poetic tone here but I don't know any other way on how to vent about it.

You know Alch,

You are one caring person, so nice and at the same time so reasonable, full of wisdom. You don’t need to talk too much to say it all, do you?

I know a lot of cases where the woman forgives the abuser and let him get back into her life. She forgives all the bad behaviour thinking things will get better because she thinks he loves her and he’s really working on the relationship based on mutual respect.

This is a big mistake! If she was living a Hell before she will live a worse Hell in the future. I never knew any case, where in fact, the abuser turned into a normal person, respecting the wife, kids, etc...

This only happens because for some reason or another, a woman fears being alone. The abuser, knowing this vulnerability will try to have the victim back into his life. He will use any trick he might have on his pocket.

The abuser doesn’t want to be alone. He needs someone to soak. He doesn’t want to be pointed out by society because he lives alone.

Once the victim is back into his life, she will fall down to Dante’s Hell. Worse than before, over and over...  

Shalom!

Hey nice post. It's good to break some myths!

Shalom again Shattered,

This is what we could do to Jeff !

Lena (wow I have a sister with the same name),

You gave some detais but it’s difficult to guess what is his agenda. I really believe you might be dealing with a very difficult issue. In my opinion he may NOT be cheating on you. Do you know if someone has told him you were having an affair outside?  Sometimes, we are just talking with someone and those who are always talking bad at our backs may say we’re having an affair. You know that type of people who are always making comments about the life of others? You may be a victim of something similar.

How do you get along with his family? Did you have any recent conflict with them? You said he goes often to his sister.

Do you know if he follows you when you are out of home? I think you are dealing with a very jealous man. A jealous man sees things where they don’t exist. A jealous man always thinks the wife cheats on him and dear if that is true you will have a hard time even with a simple going to the supermarket. He may think you’re going to meet someone.

I believe someone accused you of something OR he saw something that makes him believe you are cheating.

Well, I just rambled here but try to do a flasback remembering when did he start to do those things. Then, try to remember what happened. It may give you a clue.

This is just what I believe.

Good luck

Ah Ok, he had an affair in the past with someone at the office!

Hhhmm, he treats you like shit! He wants to control, he is JEALOUS!! Oh dear, run away...

On editing: Do you know that film performed by Julia Roberts, called Sleeping with the Enemy?

 Yes Shattered!! Can I had Nathan as well? We could kill two rabbits with just one shot...LOL

Count on me, I'm already there!! I would just add one thing: we could let him just with underwear at the Temple's door...LOL

Unfortunatelly you’re right! Yes, women can cheat the same way as men. I’ve just answered someone on this board and it was about a cheating woman as well.

I don’t know if we are facing a lack of values or if it has to do with this rat race. Can we talk about a crisis when it comes to values in Western societies? Maybe.

Modern society is in a permanent changing. Fortunatelly women work and we have reached unthinkable work places to reach just 50 years ago. We are on the military, we are on the police, we are everywhere…

For instance, in my country we represent more than 50% of the voters.

So, as we develop, women also tend to behave like men. Women also cheat and it’s devasting as well.

I’d rather say this is human related and not specifically from women or man.

It has to do with honesty, character and integrity!

And I agree with you: TV shows, soaps, etc, doesn’t help anything at all as the quality is very, very low but we all know they think about the audiences. They broadcast for the majority.  And majority doesn’t mean quality…

Ok, no underwear.

After this show we were providing for free, we would set them on a very small cell with no light. Just a very small hole on the door to throw some bread and water.

From time to time they could have a shower with very hot olive oil, like in the Middle Age!

Lena,

Go to Abuse Help on this message board and read Shattered's post, called How They Suck You Back In...

It's an interesting post to you, I think...

I don’t understand it either Chick.

Do you mind that I tell what my job is  by e-mail?

Editing: I sent you an e-mail Chick!

Someone at job has already told me about Anna Lalick but I think I never heard anything from her. Which is her best song to you? I am going to download a song from her to listen.

I also wonder about Krismiss and Alex.

Ok, I am going to download the album Wreck of the Day!

Thanks

Chick,

I'm reading it by the first time. Well, you already know by now.

I can just tell you that I do testify a lot in Court to the point recently I did a course on how to testify in Court.

Nice photos LLM.

I remembered Marrakesk!

Hey, congrats! You could stand the snake around your neck! Me? No way. Me and snakes, we have a bad relationship. :)

It was noticed here in our TV that Angelina Jolie and Bradd Pitt were not discret in the hotel in Marrakesh. Angelina Jolie yellings were heard all over the hotel!

I need to rectify what I said on my post. It was in Kenya and not in Morocco, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, were making all that noise. :) at their suite.

It is written on that site http://www.correiomanha.pt/noticiaImprimir.asp?idCanal=133&id=159423 , that people at the hotel thought they were being attacked by a wild animal. :)

Hey Chick, I loved the album. She has a very soft voice. She made me remind one singer that had a song called My Name Is Luca. (I don’t remember her name right now).

About Krismiss and Alex, I don’t want to say that I am worried but I found it strange. Both used to post here a lot. About Alex, the only thing I know is that he posted two threads called Sometimes and Have You Been Bullied, and then he disappeared without trace. It seemed he needed to vent.

Forgive and forget is always the best therapy. We cannot live thinking only in our miseries, can we? There is no way to survive and to get stronger if we're just focused on revenge. On Stefanee's case, they got friends. To all the others the best is despise.

Hi

I’ve tried to enter on the chat room but it says, chatroom currently full. Is it working?

I've tried a lot of times and I cannot join in. Maybe another time. :)

Right Chick,

It’s Suzanne Vega! I used to sing that song a lot! And yes you’re right, the song is about domestic violence and denial. ;)

Hey, Alex is alive and well. He's back. :)

Still wonder about Krismiss.

Chick and Kris,

If you love music there are two russian sites (legal) where you can buy music for a very low price. In one of them, you just pay 10 cents of a dollar (which is around 7 cents of Euro to me). A full album is around 1,10$.

No, it is economical because you don't buy the CD. You pay for the songs and you just need to download them. They are in mp3 format. Then, you just need to burn them on a CD, using Nero, for instance, and at the same time you are burning the musics on the CD, they will be burned on CD Audio format.  

The sites are:

http://www.mp3search.ru/

http://www.allofmp3.com

When you enter the sites, probably you're entering a page written in Russian. Don't worry, you just need to click on Great Britain's flag and there you are in English. 

A USB Memory Stick is a portable device that you plug on one of your USB ports. They are cheap and you can save anything you want there. You can save musics too :)

Then you just need to plug the Memory Stick in a computer with a CD Burner and you are able to burn them, like if they were saved on the hard drive of that computer.

Taxguru

According to therapists and wise people, we should never say them how bad and miserable they made us feel. They get smug and happy because if we say those things, they can see they've reached their goal. We cannot say that! Never!

I think this man was trying to get you back just to make exactly the same he did before.

That's good you are on a new relationship! However, I think, he'll be back again, trying to get you back into his life.

I wouldn't tell him how much he made me suffer because I could bet he doesn't care and he'll never care.

Good luck! 

Taxguru,

I’ve also dated a man I met online. During three years I thought I’ve found Mr. Right, till the day I started to act driven by my guts. That’s when I found out he was married. You can’t imagine how I’ve felt! It was a mixed feeling of anger, sadness, rage and shame.

By the first time of my life, I’ve tripped on the word sociopath. All the definitions of a sociopath were stamped all over him.

I’ve tried to let him know how I was feeling. The feedback was undifference and I was blamed for things till now I don’t understand. He denied everything even when I sent him his marriage license record.

I know now they just use people to reach their goals. How they do that? They act by impulse not thinking on the consequences. They don’t care if they act absurd or risky.

As they cannot love or feel regret, telling them their actions hurt, has the same effect as talking to fishes or to a wall. They won’t change. They also have a lack of cultural values.

So, talking to them and “making them see” is just a waste of time.

I think you are on the right path now. I am doing the same as you about relationships.

I am glad you are on a good position in your job and I hope all goes well with your new man.

Good luck and keeping being strong!  

Lady

I have a Compaq Laptop and till now I had no problems. I've just added 512 MB of RAM to the original 256 MB. So, now it's very fast.

The PC I have, has no brand. I've set it up by myself. I bought a monitor on one place, the CPU on another, etc, and there he is working. :)

Smoking cigarettes has nothing to do with integrity and character. It’s just an addiction. Smoking weed is another addiction but with one difference: it’s ilegal.

The best you have to do is making him understand that smoking cigarettes is bad to health but don’t impose him to quit all of a sudden. Cigarettes have one substance called nicotine and it is too tough to ask it. Nicotine creates dependency and the process of dropping cigarettes must be gradual.

As I’ve said above, you cannot define a person’s character just because of the smoke. There is no possible relationship.

About smoking weed, it is said (and Alex said the same) that is not so bad as smoking cigarettes. It may be true but the problem is (obviously it depends on each one) it can lead in the future to the use of heavy drugs.

Anyway, try to focus yourself on college. It should be your priority! You are so young girl!

There are viruses designed to spread on a Macintosh system as far as I know.

I was told Linux is safe although I am not so sure. I think all systems are vulnerable.

And yes, Sony Vaio Laptops are good. I also like Toshiba.

I need to clarify something I wrote on my previous post because I can see it was misunderstood.

I am going to speak about pot smoke, the leaves of Cannabis based on some notes I wrote down during a seminar about drugs.

When I said pot smoking could be a gateway to heavy drugs, I didn’t mean each pot smoker would end in heavy drugs, like cocaine or heroine. In fact, this is a myth.

Anyway, it all depends on how often Cannabis is smoked, on the quantity of each dosis and also on the quality of the leaves.

Cannabis doesn’t provoke physical dependency. It just provokes psychological dependency. The effects come in a short period and generally are:

- the increase of cardiac frequency;

- red eyes;

- dilatation of the bronchis;

- cough;

- photophobia;

- reduction of whimper;

- frequent feelings of euphoria;

- sleepiness;

- great sensivity to external stimulations;

- alteration of immediate memory and capacity to carry through tasks demanding multiple and varied operations.

- Etc, etc…  

Smoking Cannabis doesn’t always bring well-being sensations. Sometimes can bring symptons of anxiety, paranoid and panic attacks and after the initial euphoria, depressive symptons can appear.

It is also possible to identify some symptons on some consumers of Cannabis with time: great risk of lung cancer, diminishing of testosteron, apathy, tendency for isolation, absent minded, passivity.

The majority of Cannabis’ smokers don’t feel the need “to fall” on heavy drugs but there are individual and social facts involving each one of the smokers that can lead them to the use of heavy drugs.

So, we cannot say a weed smoker will be a heavy drug addict but on the other hand a gateway can be open to it. It all DEPENDS on each individual.

The only thing I know is that the great majority of drugs addicts started on Cannabis. We are talking about a drug accepted by society but we cannot say it is harmless.

Hope I was clear now. :)

Bunnyluvin,

Sorry to ask but do you live alone or do you live with your parents? Do you have brothers and sisters?

You know Krismiss, sometimes I laugh with my own mistakes!!!

Ok, I meant lachrymal, the tears. Even when we don’t cry, our lachrymal bag is always working, otherwise our eyes were dry. They cannot be dry!

There is a reduction on the amount of the lachrymal bag.

(Sorry for the mistakes) 

Nessa,

I feel terrible sorry for you! Maybe I understand you better than what you can think. Your guy was dating you and at the same time planning to get married to another woman. He married her and he used you to go shopping for the wedding!

What a jerk!!

I understand you want to let him know how mad, sad and miserable you are feeling BUT DON'T DO IT! If you talk to him, you will be feeding his ego! He used you, you were toyed! He is a piece of shit!

Move on, heal your wounds and start to think on other things to help you. Don't waste more of your precious time thinking on a jerk.

You are in shock and I understand but please don't talk to him!

LLM,

I had another idea. Well, by this time you must be calling me crazy, I guess, but when I was trying to find out international phone lines for abuse help I thought of something new to your site.

What about having a home page written in more than one language? The initial home page in English but with links to more languages. You could insert the national flags for Spanish, Portuguese and French. When someone clicked on that flag, they could read your home page on the correspondant language. I can translate the home page, to the other languages, if you want so.

In addition to this new feature, new Message Boards could appear: a messga board to post in Spanish (I believe there is a great number of posters who can write in Spanish), other in Portuguese (trying to pick up women from Brazil as well, and obviously I need to help here) and another board for the French language (not only for France but also trying to listen from francophone women - Québec in Canada, Martinique, Algeria, Morroco, etc, etc).

What do you think about my crazy idea?

Maybe he is and I agree with Alexander.

He calls you, he spends time with you. Give more time to time to know him better and understand his type of personality. Go slow and you'll have your answers.  

I don’t understand how CS works in the US. Would some of you explain it to me, please? It’s just curiosity because in the majority of European countries, CS goes until the child is 18. CS here is based on a percentage of father’s salary and it only stops if the father gets fired from job and makes no money at all.

Is it possible to write to her Bar Association and explaining them her bad work? What would be the consequences if you did so?

At the same time is it possible to have an attorney without paying the services? Here it is possible! If you say to the Court you have no money to pay a lawyer, the Justice system finds one for free.

Our law says everybody must have the same rights for Justice. Those who can't pay can have an attorney as well. 

Thank you Chick!

So, how can CS stop for her at the end of the year? Under this circunstance she needs to charge against that lawyer at the Bar Association.

Ah, ok, we're talking about extra CS!

So, it seems you all are having a day off! That’s nice. Our next holiday is the 10th of June, our National Day.

You all have a nice day off. I have worked! :( 

For me, is already Tuesday! It seems that I live in the future. :)

My dear Shattered,

You know what? Do what I’ve been trying to do with Nathan’s memory. Imagine he is dead somewhere without a place to make the cult. You cannot put a flower in his grave!

He died and you don’t know where he is because the body is lost!

He doesn’t deserve flowers anyway and the show must go on, like in the song!

Artist: Queen  
Song: The Show Must Go On

Empty spaces - what are we living for
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score
On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for...
Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore
The show must go on,
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on.
Whatever happens, I’ll leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess I’m learning, I must be warmer now
I’ll soon be turning, round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark I’m aching to be free
The show must go on
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends
The show must go on
The show must go on
I’ll face it with a grin
I’m never giving in
On - with the show -
I’ll top the bill, I’ll overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the -
On with the show -
The show must go on...

Chick,

We have those national holidays:

1^st January – New Year’s Day

On February or March (it is always on a Tuesday, mobile holiday) – Carnival

On Easter, we celebrate Good Friday and Easter Day

25^th April – Freedom Day (we celebrate the Cup that ended dictatorship in this country and brought us to modernity and democracy, allowing us to be a Member of the European Union and facing the same chalenges of the other countries of this old continent).

1^st May – Labour Day

10^th June – Day of Portugal. One of our greatest writers called Luís de Camões, died on this date in 1580.  Luís de Camões is for the Portuguese language like Shakespeare is for English.

19^th June – Religious holiday – Body of God

15^th August – Religious holiday – Assumption of Our Lady

5^th October – Implementation of the republic – the fall of monarchy

1^st November – Religious holiday – All Saints Day

1^st December – Independence Day – between the period of 1580-1640, Spain seized Portugal because our King didn’t have any child to go to the throne and he died young in the battle of Ceuta (Morocco) which used to be an old Portuguese city there. There was a dinastic crisis and the King of Spain seized this country. On the 1^st December of 1640, the Spanish were sent home.

8^th December – Religious holiday and the ancient mother’s day. We celebrate Our Lady of Conceição, whom it is said, she appeared to the 1^st King of Portugal in 1146, helping him in his battles. She is the Our Lady of Portugal as well as Our Lady of Fátima.

25^th December – Christmas

24^th June – Holiday just for the city of Porto. We celebrate the saint of this city – St. John. One of the greatest street parties of Europe. It goes all night long till morning in almost every streets!

Well I must be crazy. It's almost 2am here and tomorrow at 9am I need to be working :) Sweet dreams to all of you.

Sure there is Krismiss. The religious holidays are merely cultural, still kept by the civilian society.

In fact, our Constituion forbbids Church to interfere in the State Affairs. If that was allowed, I am pretty sure a Revolution would take place.

It is merely cultural. We're a laic country and as far as I know, at least Spain and France also have religious holidays.

Nessa,

On the page 3 of the general message board there is one topic started by Shattered called Buying The Lie. Read all posts!

Tomorrow night I will send both of you more international phone lines. :)

Thank you.

Shattered,

Let’s forget the religious side about your Jeff. Do you know a nice punishment to him? That God forgives me because you can call me a bitch, but Gaza Strip should be a nice place to send him and then ask their terrorists to start again an Intifada.

I am not Jewish but the very little I know from Judaism tells me this man is not a real Jewish. A real Jew respects others and has compassion.

Forgive me for this vent

Shalom! Let peace stay among us!  

Sheema Israel.

Editing: We could send Jeff with Nathan and this ex-bf of Nessa. What a nice rock band they could do there! They could sing for Palestinian terrorists.

Some International abuse phone lines

PORTUGAL

Emergency hotline - 112

Victims of Domestic Violence – 800 202 148

Abused Children – 213 433 333

SOS Friendly Voice (Depression, Suicide) – 800 202 669

SOS Pregnant – 808 201 139

SOS Child – 217 931 617

APAV (Portuguese Association for Victims Help) – 707 200 077

Website: www.apav.pt or http://www.apav.pt/home_en.html (for English language) with very useful national and international links for all kinds of abuse.

ITALY

Emergency hotline:

113 Telefono Arcobaleno

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01 53 71 47 40

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EL SALVADOR

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Tel: 226-54 66

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LLM,

I can see Wire posted a recipe for absente.

A colleague gave me recipes for Absynth (the drink with alcohol), are you interested in some? 

First of all I have to tell you that I am not an expert on drugs. The knowledge I have is based on short seminars and on courses of legal medicine/forensics but anyway according to what I know your panick attacks are exactly one of the effects associated with weed/pot.

Each person has a different reaction to the same substance. It seems to me you were suffering from intoxication. Perhaps you were smoking high dosis. The intoxication of Cannabis Sativa is not physical but psychological.  The effects of the intoxication are panick attacks. It is described on the sharp effects from the intoxication of Cannabis.

If there is something you didn't understand or if you need more information about it, you can send me an e-mail because I work on a daily basis with people who have an high knowledge on that subject.  

Yeah, but you don’t know what was the quality of the leaves used.

Each person may have a different reaction and you react with panick attacks. When you smoke weed, it seems you are more vulnerable to the sharp and strong effects. You have what is called Toxic Psychosis.

Some people don’t feel it because their bodies and minds get adapted to it. It’s due to the vulnerability of each one.

It’s the same about some substances and principal actives present on some medicines. Some people feel adversary effects when they take a substance and others don’t. For some an Aspiryn is not enough to stop an headache, others just need half!!

Editing: I forgot to say something. You said at least once you felt like your heart was racing. This is a sympton of anxiety, induced by the weed. Generally feelings of anxiety may lead to a panick attack. It's like a chain reaction.

Like I said above you're vulnerable to the weed and you really must avoid it. ;)

Well those who are from wine country producers know why wine coolers exist. :) and it has nothing to do with feminine/masculine ;)

Vinho verde, or "green wine," comes in white, rosé, and red varieties, of which the white is the best and most popular. It’s low in alcohol and has a slight effervescence, making it pleasantly tingly on the tongue and refreshing on hot days and it must be served fresh.

The bottles of this kind of wine, when they come to the tables, they come always with wine coolers, otherwise no wine lover or expert would drink it! 

I live in a city famous in the whole world for its wine. It’s like an heresy reading it. Sorry Wire. :) 

Shattered,

I found out two studies about Domestic Violence done with the support of the European Union. They are also written in English and I thought that maybe you are interested in reading them, because it can give you some ideas for your website entries.

Do you want me to send them to your e-mail?

Yes I have Chick :) I am going to post it on the Recipes section.

Editing: it’s already posted on the Recipes section. Hey, don’t drink too much because the last time I drank it, I really needed a couch to take a nap. :)

I never allow anyone to use my name or nick to write or post.

It is a violation of privacy and at the same time a lack of respect for the person involved.

This post shows you cannot respect her and you are everything Shattered said.

Downloading music? Nice excuse, isn't it? 

Shattered,

I’ve just sent you the Studies. Hope they can provide something of interest to you.

Well, it is said my name has a Teutonic origin but if dramatic love scenes are my favourite fantasy, does it mean I will have to live a Greek Tragedy each relationship I have? :)

Ok, better off changing my name! :)

Are you on the pill? I don’t know anything for it. The only thing I know while taking the pill is that it is possible to eliminate one period. You just need to keep taking the pill, not stopping for the normal seven days. In any case, it shall be done just once! Am I right Chick?

Yeah, I know it wasn't a good advice ;)

I'm going to check my mail box now! Thanks.

Did you see the recipe for Sangria?

Darla - I don't know any trick :(

Ok, Bunnyluvin

I think you give too much importance to banal things. If you want an opinion, I can say based on other posts, that you still have lots of contradictions. And I think you can be as well a real stubborn :)

It seems that your priority is having someone to date! Girl, don't look at it as a priority! You have a long way to go in your life! The way you are living now, can lead you into a depression and to a personality crisis.

Each person has a "for" and an "against". There is no perfect person in the world. You didn't like the kiss from this guy, ok, no need to feel guilty. 

Lady gave you a nice advice and follow it, but there is something you still need to do: you need to find a hobby where you can feel happiness.  

I hope next time, you'll find out someone who you really like and enjoy the company. You still need to give time to time and you have lots in front of you....  

Chick,

This morning I went to downtown trying to buy that book but there isn't the translation yet to my language. I will wait then because it sounds good and interesting.

Meanwhile, I bought a book with the original title " The Kitchen Boy". In Portuguese the title is "The last days of the Romanov". The author is Robert Alexander.

It follows a story about a Russian cook working for the Imperial Russian Family. He went to the United States but he has a secret: he is a witness of the Romanov's killing.

I've started to read it this afternoon and it sounds very interesting.  

Chick,

Thank you first of all! I work hard to have some sense when I write! :)

You know, we have so much slang in our language that if I post all the slang here, be sure I will be banned from this message board. LOL!!!!

Do you want to know how do we say kiss my ass? Well, the translation is...lick my ass!!! Pardon!  

All the languages that I’ve learned were taught the same way. A teacher in a classroom, making you read and write the language while correcting the pronunciation.

I guess I understand your co-worker when she says in China there isn’t a expression for kiss my ass. The Chinese alphabet is different. They don’t have a letter for a sound. They have symbol characters. They write from up to down based on symbology and not on a fonetic alphabet.

But I do know Chinese has a terrible slang! My sister worked in Macao, China, during the time this city was a Portuguese territory. She knows a little of Chinese and she says they are terrible, principaly when they are talking about Westerns. ;)

Well, raio que os partam (Damn them)!!! LOL 

In fact, all languages have slang. French and Spanish have too much as well. I don’t know how to write or speak in Italian but I can understand the written language and maybe this is one of the funniest: BA BENNE! PIANO! PREGO!

Other thing that we can do with the Portuguese language is to transform the word sounds of other languages to words of ours. Maybe the funniest is with Greek and Russian.

Imagine this Greek name: TOUTAPOULOS. In Portuguese we can laugh and say TOU TA POLOS which is slang, (correct way is "estou-te a pô-los") meaning I am putting you a pair of horns!

Imagine this Russian name: Urina Pakova. It can be transformed to "urina para a cova, meaning "peeing to the grave"!! 

Now, Tom Cruise. We joke to Tom das Cruzes, meaning Tom of the Crosses!

Well, so many examples!!!

You’re welcome!!

I am very happy today because I am going to be off next week!

Editing: do you like music from other countries? Maybe I can send you some musics. Do you have speakers on your computer?

Try to stay calm during this time because you're going to need to have your head very fresh.

It seems to me there's nothing you can do to save your marriage, unless you want so, but you need to reflect if it will worth the while. You said he is an anti social and he probably is. At least he is a pathological liar and don't allow him to fool you once more.

Other think I want to tell you is that maybe he is spending all his money with that Veronica. He asked you to give him all the money you both saved, to buy tools to work on weekends? I believe he wants the money to spend with her. Maybe at her request. I am afraid it was a trick (I hope I am wrong).

Do you have the chance to prove you gave him all the money you saved? I don't know if it can help you in the future but try to fight legally to have your money back. 

What the hell want Tom Cruise from Silvio Berlusconni? Messing with other Governments? I think Italy's problems are for the Italians, not for Tom Cruise.

Unfortunatelly I think Berlusconni is even worse than Tom Cruise.

Michelle,

I am pretty sure you deserve too much better for you. You know, I don’t like the idea of sending away a girl who has a child from your supposed boyfriend. It’s not too ethic but maybe I don’t know your story to make any judgement of value.

What about the girl? What is she guilty of?

What about saying "The English spoken in the United States is a slang"? :)

I keep on saying all languages have slang. ;)

Don't worry, I don't know Dick as well...

You're not alone!!!  

No doubt Shattered, I read it quickly and it is very good.

By the way, did you receive the reports I sent you? I think the 1st called the Alcipe Project, has some chapters with interest.

Coreysix,

Why don’t you use your imagination to call those phone numbers listed on your husband cell phone? They don’t know your voice, do they? Use your imagination and start a conversation. Don’t give any clue on your real intentions ;)

Fake a marketing phone call! Use whatever comes to your mind to know who they are.

 Use an anonymous number and be clever to keep the conversation. Try to know the name and if possible the address.

This can give you a clue. You need to be smart and act like a marketing professional, don’t forget.

If you can get this information, you will have an open road to know the rest.

Anyway, it sounds your husband cheats on you!

If you know he gets crazy when you joke with him, I just can say, don’t joke.

If he is with you now, why do you need to joke about him. You’re still very young ;)

Learn on how to conquer his affection without teasing him.

What you speak is English! No doubt about it. The English spoken in the United States just suffered a mutation like for instance the Portuguese of Brazil and Africa and the Spanish of Central and South America.

English is the result of a fusion of Old English and Norman-French, as a result of the Norman Conquest in England. It is also called Middle English and it is the immediate ancestor of Modern English.

Modern English suffers mutations according to regions and cultures. Each living language in the world has the same problem. As time goes by, we can find new words and also new forms of slang in a language as a fusion with different languages and also by the introduction of new technologies. When this happens we have to deal with new words. That’s what happened in the US.

Now can you please tell me what is a croissandwich? I know the French word "Croissant" and not "croissand" for pastry. What is that? Yeah I think maybe France was insulted. :)

Editing: I googled the word "croissandwich" and I found out is a sandwich in a croissant! What a nice shit it must be :) Sandwich is a sandwich, croissant is a croissant. Bacon and eggs or tuna on a croissant? Help!!!!!

It must be the same, like I saw once in a tourist resort in the south of Portugal! I saw a couple of tourists putting ketchup on grilled sardines!!! Oh God, even the waiter was astonished :)

Chick,

I understand very well what you feel. I also know some women who got married with rich guys just for the fun of having fancy jewels, shoes, clothes, etc....

I believe this is a reaction to some incapacity those women have. Some think it's very good to have money without having the worries of a job on a daily basis. Most of these women are vain and frivolous. It is impossible to have a smart conversation with the majority of them. Some may not know where diamonds come from. You really have a hard time explaining them lots of people in Angola work in the diamond mines just for the daily meal. 

There is also another class who buy Prada shoes, for instance, just for the pleasure of buying them (in my case, I don't like Ruiz de la Prada fashion).

It's their job Chick! They have turned into new "bourgeois" or new riches. It's the result of western consume societies. The day is passed between the hairdresser's, high fashion shops and the discussion of the new fashion of Yves Saint Laurent, Christian Dior, etc.

Ask them something about what is happening in the world. You'd be surprised on how they know nothing ;)

Some men cannot be directly confronted because they will act like yours did.

I've read your two last posts and it is clear now what are his intentions. He is not mature enough to see he has children to feed and to care. Perhaps he is surrounded by bad male companies pushing him to those women.

You cannot be his mother for the rest of your life. If he doesn't care about you and the children, to the point he is not coming home to sleep, I would change the locks and send his belongings to the bike club with this note " Bye bye and from now on, if you want to talk to me, please address to my lawyer". See you in court!

Well, that is what I would do if I were in your shoes.

Good luck!

My bet is: he is talking to women over the internet and he is trying to meet them. The women probably are from the areas he says he needs to travel.

Generally, my advice goes to not confronting him, before you can gather all the evidence. This is the common mistake women do.

There is a section on this site, called Catch a Cheater. If you can find out clear evidences he is cheating on you, then, you can confront him, never before.

Editing: he compares you to his mum, when you complain about him. Watch out! Red Flag!

You're welcome!

If he has no internet access (are you sure?) then, he has someone under his eyes!

Good luck

Sure, you're more than right to install a keylogger and start snooping... I'd do the same if I were in your shoes!

Good luck

I am answering based on cell phones from my country and I believe it’s the same all over the world.

Yes, it is possible. Your number can show up as restrict or anonymous if you want so.

You just need to define it on the menu settings! Here, every boy and girl with a cell phone knows how to do it.

What is the cell phone? If it is an Alcatel or a Nokia I can post here how to do it.

I can guess your cell phones are different from the cell phones in Europe. We can restrict or not our number through the Menu Settings. We don’t need to dial anything before the number. I am surprised because I think the cell phones come from the same factories!

I also can reject phone calls from pre-defined numbers.

Ok, I cannot help on Kiocera. I know how to define on an Alcatel and in a Nokia.

Go to the kiocera site and try to search if there is some help for your cell phone menu.

This is a story of an eight-year old kid that touched my heart.

"LISBON, June 3 (Reuters) - An 8-year-old survivor of Asia’s devastating tsunami will realise a dream when he walks with his heroes the Portuguese national soccer team onto the pitch at a World Cup qualifying game.

Martunis, an Indonesian third-grader, was found by a British TV crew after the December 2004 disaster wandering delirious and emaciated and dressed in Portugal’s red-and-green team jersey.