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Posts by Lady1981.
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WomanSaver's Forum
Topic: Hey Ladies....New here
Subject: Hey Ladies....New here - Posted: 11/12/2004 4:44:09 AM
I'm a newbie!  Suffering from some insomnia and I arrived here by just playing on the internet and have been surfin' and reading the message board for about 2 hours and decided to join!!  This is an absolutely wonderful site.  The message board was so insightful and I found myself saying.."I've been there", "I know how that feels" and so on.  It's amazing at how we all relate.  Anyway, I just recently began to take a hold of my own life after reading the book "He's Just Not That Into You."  Totally changed my life, views, perspective.  Since then, I've been trying to quit being a doormat for men to wipe the mud off of their feet.  It's hard because a lot of times it means being alone, but I promised myself that I would never forget the way I felt at what I thought was my lowest point and that I would not let a man bring me back to that point again.  I'm at the age where everyone is getting married, but I managed to meet some new single friends so I'm on the field trying to date around and meet people and we'll see what happens. So, that's just a little bit about me! 

Topic: I Miss the Person I Thought He Was
Subject: I Miss the Person I Thought He Was - Posted: 11/12/2004 10:27:13 AM
I completely understand what you are going through.  I think about the little things and my situation was fairly recent also.  Some days are good and some are bad.  I have made the choice to focus on other things and try to become happy on my own, without a manís help...but itís still hard.  Itís like you see these images flash through your mind at random times of the day of the way he looked at you or you can hear things he said to you.  It was those thoughts that I used to think about that would lead me back to him and go through the same cycle over and over again.  Somehow, he manipulated me into thinking it was my fault and that I was crazy or psychotic. I always ended up apologizing for him being a d*ck!  Iíd be back in the same situation again when he really wasnít into me at all.  I think heís already found someone else, so Iím sure heíll be the same to her.  He doesnít know what he wants.  I try to go out and have a good time, but I have to fake it and Iím trying my hardest to get over it, so I completely understand.  I try to replace those positive thoughts that suck me back in everytime to the negative.  Like I try to hear when he called me a whiney bitch and to call someone who cared because he didnít (somehow I ended up apologizing) and I try to picture him turning and walking away.  It helps me to realize, that Iím not the one for him and heís not the one for me and maybe he is capable of treating someone like a queen, but that person isnít me...so I need to free myself.  Wow, didnít mean to end up venting haha.  Had a rough night last being upset! haha!  Point is, I understand and itís hard...but remember the same man who did all of those sweet things and the things you miss is the same man who faked a whole relationship with you.  You deserve better!

Topic: why do some men like younger women ?
Subject: why do some men like younger women ? - Posted: 11/14/2004 11:07:39 AM
Wow, I can def. agree with a lot of what is being said.  I will be 23 in a few weeks and my most recent situation was a man who was 32.  I think I was more mature than he was.  His last relationship before me was with a girl who is now 21 and he rarely dates women over 25.  He says he doesn't look for it, it comes to him, but hanging out with younger guys (his roommate is 21 lol) may have something to do with it.  He also looks about 25 or 26 when he wears a hat.  He's attractive and I mean I obviously fell for him.  But throughout the ordeal with him, I learned that I have to agree with LMM.  Age and life experience brings wisdom.  I thought I knew a lot until him.  I realized that I really am young and I have a lot to learn before I can even come close to settling down.  He had a few friends around his age that I really enjoyed spending time with and I began to notice the difference in the age groups.  My opinion on him specifically is that he seemed to be very controlling and likes to have things his way.  Well, women my age will take that crap.  I mean I did for a while.  But when I finally wised up and recently started to have a backbone and stand up for myself, he got mad.  Women who are older than me have been there, done that, and aren't going to put up with it anymore.  I know that I'm not ever again.  He gave me a backbone and a strong will and things may have been rough at times, but I'm glad I have a backbone with men now.  I dont mean cold and indifferent, but I just realized that I don't have to take it and I have plenty of time to find someone else. Anyway, so I think sometimes men may go for younger women because the younger women ARE in fact inexperienced and may put up with a lot more sh*t than other women who are older than them.  Maybe they have a security issue and a younger women that will take that crap helps them feel better about themselves.  This man likes to talk and show off and I think he likes to have a younger woman on the arm.  I'm only speakin from what I gained from my experience and not all men in general, but it's a theory that could hold truehaha, jk :)

Topic: Last Thing
Subject: Last Thing - Posted: 11/14/2004 4:54:17 PM

Hey ladies.  I was listening to Launchcast on Yahoo and heard this song so I found the lyrics and I'm posting them below.  We all come from various backgrounds and situations and I'm sure some of you can relate to this song.  It makes sense for me being at the point I am where I just want to be happy and enjoy life instead of counting on a man to make me happy and coming out of the situation I had been in where it was a continuous cycle.  Enjoy!  By the way, it's called "Last Thing" by Diana Anaid

I'll stay away
Don't have to face this
It's my mistake
And no one's business

I am trying not to want to hurt him
Trying not to start this up again

He's in my way
And no surprises
It's been a day
Somehow survived it

Still I am trying not to want to hurt him
Trying not to start this up again

[Chorus]
It's the last thing that I need right now
Someone to bring me down
And I've got a rule that I've made up now he moved out
No way, no boys allowed
And there's a reason why I keep my distance
Don't think you're gonna understand
This is the last thing that I need right now

No need to stay
My choice, I made it
I keep away
Don't have to take it

'Cause I'm trying not to want to hurt him
Trying not to start this up again

[Chorus]

Don't need a boyfriend
Not one like him
Don't wanna be the foolish girl I was
And end up worse again
You can say it's from me
I'll be keeping away
Don't wanna be the same foolish girl again

I'll stay away
Don't have to face this
It's my mistake
And no one's business

I am trying not to want to hurt him
Trying not to start this up again


Topic: Picture In Wallet
Subject: Picture In Wallet - Posted: 11/14/2004 8:32:24 PM

To me, it doesn't seem like there is any harm in asking.  Obviously it is on your mind and it is bothering you.  If you are anything like me, you won't stop until your mind is at ease.  I think you should confront him in a non-accusing manner and find out...then go from there.  I hope it's nothing for your sake.


Topic: Picture In Wallet
Subject: Picture In Wallet - Posted: 11/14/2004 8:39:28 PM
I thought your username was familiar so I went back and saw you had posted under another section about your husband.  It seems you already suspect something, so go ahead and ask is my opinion. good luck.

Topic: Is it possible to forgive?
Subject: Is it possible to forgive? - Posted: 11/14/2004 8:47:20 PM
I don't know if it is possible to forgive 100%.  I know the thought would always be in the back of my mind.  I have known several people who have been in situations like this.  I have a guy friend who cheated on his ex girlfriend with her best friend, so the ex girlfriend was hit pretty hard.  He is truly sorry and I can tell he is a changed person from it and the guilt has really screwed him up emotionally and mentally.  However, I know other people who continously cheat and if they get away with it once, they can continue getting away with it because their husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, whoever allows them to.  Usually your gut instinct is the right one to follow.  Take time and think about what you really want and what you think you can handle.  Do you think you can forgive?  My best friend just went back to her husband who had an affair and so far things are going okay.  Not happy, but okay.  She is constantly wondering in the back of her mind though.  Everytime they argue, she thinks and worries that he will go back to the other woman.  I think part of it is if you can handle it.  All I know to say is to trust your instincts and take your time figuring things out.  It's a big decision.  Good luck and you know we're all here when you need us :)

Topic: IT COMES AND GOES
Subject: IT COMES AND GOES - Posted: 11/15/2004 12:14:50 PM
I am so sorry that you are having a bad morning.  I know a lot of women, myself included, can sympathize with you.  I also have my good days and bad days.  Sometimes the good days are really good and the bad are really bad.  I usually just let myself mourn, cry, and let it all out and then realize that even though I am hurting at this moment in time, I am much better off.  Of course it is not your fault and never let anyone make you feel that way.  It's easier said than done, but realize that you know in your heart you were not in the wrong and you are the one who has to sleep at night.  I agree 110% that you should not settle for something you do not want.  If  you are not interested in dating, then don't date.  Spend time with your friends and learn to be happy on your own.  One day, you may be ready to date again and then when that time comes, go for it.  But in the meantime, learn to love yourself and find out who you are.  That's exactly what I'm doing and granted, sometimes I feel down and sad, but then I look around and realize that I am bettering myself for me and not anyone else.  I hope you feel better soon.  By the way, I see you are from SC and so am I!!! :)

Topic: Just chit chat
Subject: Just chit chat - Posted: 11/16/2004 7:36:48 AM

Ok, so you're going to think I'm a dork for this one, but I love that movie from like the mid 90's...."Son in Law" and my favorite part is when Pauly Shore runs out of his room with leopard pj's and a pilgram hat on jumping around sayin..."Steven Tyler pj's...Steven Tyler pj's..."

And then in "Shall We Dance?"...loved that movie too...when Richard Gere is coming up the escalator towards the end....mmm yummie!

If I think of more, I'll post them...right now my brain is clouded b/c I have a lot to do today!


Topic: What does time alone REALLY mean
Subject: What does time alone REALLY mean - Posted: 11/18/2004 4:40:07 PM

Ragequeen...You seem like an honest, caring and genuine person.  You do not deserve this kind of treatment.  No one does.  My vote is to also move on from this man.  What I think it all boils down to and when the day is done, you are the one who has to sleep at night.  Being upset and worrying over this man seems to be causing you more grief than what it's worth.  I think it's okay to be giving, but like a previous post said, it has to be 50/50 and you're not getting your 50.  Eventually you are going to wear yourself down emotionally and find yourself in a bad place where you don't want to be.  The sooner you move on, the easier it will be.  If this man wants his space, give him his space.  When he's ready to talk, he'll come to you.  In the meantime, focus on yourself and what your wants and needs are since they have been being neglected.  Go out with some girl friends, get a manicure, pedicure, or just take a walk.  I once heard a saying...."I'm only as strong as the cocktails I drink and the girl friends I have..." and I have learned to live by that statement and I can tell you, I'm getting stronger every day!  Learn to love you and if this man is smart, he'll realize what he's got before you're completely gone.  If not, then there will be another man waiting around the corner who understands your needs and wants to please you and make you happy.  Do something besides sit and wait by the phone.  If he wants to talk, he'll call you and it seems like he's been avoiding this whole conversation.  What's he so afraid of???  He's afraid of you because you are taking a stand and merely asking for what you want and deserve.  Don't be ashamed.  I have read many stories on this board and have my own experience.  We women are a lot more savvy and strong than some men give us credit for.  You know we're all for you.  Good luck and keep me posted on what happens.  There's a whole other world out there just waiting for you to come discover it...


Topic: He wont tell me?? Why?
Subject: He wont tell me?? Why? - Posted: 11/18/2004 5:19:05 PM
Okay, this is simple.  He is trying to keep you  hanging on and not letting you go because you let him.  If you let yourself go and quit hanging on, you'll be done with it.  This man has no respect for anyone, not even himself.  The sooner you let go, the easier it will be.

Topic: What does time alone REALLY mean
Subject: What does time alone REALLY mean - Posted: 11/18/2004 6:20:13 PM
That's exactly right.  You know where you stand.  No answer is your answer and that should be enough closure.  I completely understand about not wanting to leave things on a sour note.  I'm the same way and that is EXACTLY what kept me in a cycle.  It won't end until you decide enough is enough and move on.  Some men aren't mature enough to leave things on a good note and have closure so it's up to you.  He'll be back...He'll come crawling back and when he does, you step right over him and keep on walking.

Topic: Where is....
Subject: Where is.... - Posted: 11/20/2004 2:05:10 PM
.....that medium with men?  I read and hear from men and women both that women shouldn't chase a man.  I understand.  And that women should let the man come to them, and if they really want you, they will find you.  I believe that and apply that in my life all the time.  With that being said, how do you show a guy you are interested without being too foward or chasing him?  Where is that medium of showing interest without chasing or being too needy or clingy?

Topic: This is so stupid
Subject: This is so stupid - Posted: 11/22/2004 7:45:34 AM

Ok..So I'm friends with an ex boyfriend and we hang out from time to time.  He got me goin to this particular bar while we were together and we went there about two weeks ago.  Well, that night, they had started trivia night and so we planned to go again but they didn't have it the following week.  In the meantime, I invited a friend of mine to come along and he was cool with it b/c he knows her too.  It's a really cool bar and I have been a few times without him and have gotten to know the bartenders and some of the people through him and they always said to come in again with or without him so I have like three times without him on nights I knew he was doing something else.  Well, I asked him if he was going tonight and he said no and then I asked if it was b/c of me and he said yea and to stop tryin to take over his hangout.  OMG, I could not believe my ears!!!  I told him I didn't realize he felt that way and that he was making a big deal out of nothing.  I thought it was stupid when I thought we already had planned to go to the next trivia night.  I guess he feels that I am invading HIS space but I didn't mean for it to come across that way by any means.  So I told him I wasn't going to go anymore and I cancelled the plans for tonight with my friend who was coming along.  What do y'all think?  Is that stupid and childish of him or am I in the wrong for going a few times without him after getting to know some of the people?  I can see where he would think I'm invading his space, but I am not trying to.  I just like the atmosphere and people.   This whole thing is just really stupid in my opinion and that's why I cancelled plans.  It's not even worth it.


Topic: This is so stupid
Subject: This is so stupid - Posted: 11/22/2004 9:21:57 AM
Ehh...he tries to not be sensitive but he accuses me of making a big deal out of things when it's actually him.  Yea, we're pretty good friends.  We were before we dated and we are now.  Maybe he is jealous b/c I became friends with his friends, but I dont want to invade his territory or whatever he calls it.  There are plenty of other places to hang out but you'd think he'd be glad I became friends with his friends.  Go figure. 

Topic: Whats so GOOD about you?
Subject: Whats so GOOD about you? - Posted: 11/22/2004 9:31:18 AM
Wow..That's a great idea for a new thread.  What's good about me....I care about myself physically and emotionally.  I try to eat decent (although french fries are yummie haha) and I try to run a few miles a day.  I am all about adventure and I like sports, extreme sports included.  With the exception of one man who was my ultimate downfall (of course it took a few weeks, but I picked up, moved on, and here I am), I pretty much hold my own in relationships.  I am constantly learning about myself, other people, anything I can.  I'm a loyal person and learned early in life (at 22) that if you got your girl friends...everything will be alright.  I'm independent and I have a mind of my own.  Again, what a great idea.  I'm sure this will cheer lots of women up b/c I know it did me!!!

Topic: When he comes crawling back...
Subject: When he comes crawling back... - Posted: 11/22/2004 9:39:55 AM
step right over him and keep on walking!!!  I saw that on Dr. Phil last week and it has not left my mind!!!  Hope it sticks in yours too if there is a man who keeps crawling back over and over. :)

Topic: jealousy keeps me from posting as much
Subject: jealousy keeps me from posting as much - Posted: 11/23/2004 9:18:21 AM
Oh jeeeez. Well apparently your life has some sort of excitement that hers/his doesn't so they feel the need to get you in trouble and talk about what you're doing instead of worrying about their own work.  I hope that you can always continue coming to this site.  It really is a safe haven so to speak because we can all seek out advice, vent or share stories that we may not be comfortable sharing otherwise.  Good luck and I hope to continue seeing you on here!!!! 

Topic: Whats so GOOD about you?
Subject: Whats so GOOD about you? - Posted: 11/23/2004 9:21:44 AM
Wow...an even better twist to the thread..how did I feel?  I remember posting and then sitting back thinking..that felt good. haha.  I was also amazed at the women on this site.  You ladies are awesome and I think it's amazing how no matter what has happened in each of our lives...we still hang on to the good in us and KNOW without any doubt that we are awesome women.  That was a really great thread idea!!

Topic: please read, this came from my mind and heart....
Subject: please read, this came from my mind and heart.... - Posted: 11/23/2004 9:26:59 AM
Wow...I'm glad you finally got to the bottom of this.  I have also learned that my gut instinct is usually right.  Good for you for going out there and seeking out the truth and I hate that the truth is that your gut was right, but at least you found out now.  That was an amazing poem.  You seem to have a lot of compassion and caring in you and by that poem, he probably never deserved a great woman like you to begin with.  That will blow his mind and I hope it does.  As you start over without him, you know you have your inner stregnth and you can do this.  We are all here for you.  I'm so glad that you found out the truth as hard as the truth is.  I wish you the best and I wish him the worst!!!  buh bye to another cheating man!!!!!

Topic: an ex b/f of mine is weird
Subject: an ex b/f of mine is weird - Posted: 11/25/2004 8:39:03 AM
and just when I thought men in our lives couldn't get any wierder........

Topic: Listen to this
Subject: Listen to this - Posted: 11/26/2004 6:23:28 AM
That's great that you are writing your governor about the problem.  I agree with you completely.  I know a lot of people who have gone to college, have PhD's and so forth and end up being forced to do something else that makes more money and they could have gotten those jobs without going to college.  Teachers are underpaid.   I remember my music teacher in high school working part time in a retail store at the mall to make ends meet.  It's sad that you spend all this money to pay for college so that you can have a career that you've always dreamed of and do something that you love and then you are almost forced to do something else so that you can afford to live.  Good luck and I hope you get a response!

Topic: Wanted to share a poem I wrote
Subject: Wanted to share a poem I wrote - Posted: 11/26/2004 9:16:11 AM
That's really awesome.  I like the part about the fear of letting you into my dreams.  I agree that writing is a good way to use that energy.  I do it too.  I write poems, journal, write letters that I never send and then I feel better until the next time...Keep that creativity going!

Topic: I Miss the Person I Thought He Was
Subject: I Miss the Person I Thought He Was - Posted: 11/29/2004 7:28:10 PM
alooney1983 wrote:

i have been looking for a site like this for weeks. i knew i wasenít the only person who had been through the horrible pain of a cheater.

 my boyfriend of five years, whom i met when i was 15, has left me for a 15 year old. iím 20. he is 22. we have a daughter, sheís 3. i know it best for her and i to leave, go "start over." itís so hard, i donít even know if i really love him. i have never been on a date. he never bought me anything when he had a job and he hasenít had a job in atleast 2 years. iíve been working since my daughter was 7 months, iíve neer missed a paycheck. i know i could do better by myself. problem is i donít want to. i so badly want him to come in, say "i love you", and never cheat again. i feel so stupid. a 15 yr old girl, lady, whatever has my man. is this normal? to feel so stupid, to be so stupid?



Wow..I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this.  I'm sure that it's very tough on you having been with the same person since you were 15.  I tried to put myself in your shoes and I cannot imagine the pain that you feel.  I also have to sayfor working and taking care of your daughter.  That is an awesome accomplishment and you should be proud and you are so independent to  be 20 years old.  You mention that you want him to come in and say that he loves you.  Maybe you are hanging onto this thought and hope that someday he will..and maybe he will but most likely won't as painful as that is.  If he wants to be with a 15 year old, let him.  Let him have what he wants and do what he wants to do because he's going to do it anyway.  You are much better than that.  Meanwhile, while he's out messing with illegal little girls, you have a daughter to take care of.  Obviously, she's the only good part of him you got out of this relationship so hang on to that.  When you feel the time is right, move on.  There are plenty of men out there.  Not all of them are cheaters and not all of them suck.  We're all here for you and anytime you are upset or need to talk, post away! :)  I hope you feel better soon!

Topic: Quick Fix
Subject: Quick Fix - Posted: 11/29/2004 7:36:54 PM
Ditto!!  I could not have said it better myself.  As I was reading your post, everything MP posted, I was thinking also.  If this man was really interested, he woudln't wait 2 months.  There's nothing wrong with you, only the way you percieve yourself.  I go out a good bit to get my mind off things and I am very fortunate to have wonderful friends to go out with.  I don't really see it as a quick fix because there really are no quick fixes with relationships.  They all take time to get over and heal.  I just choose to go out and meet other people and find new friends.  I have, at times, faked a good time and before I knew it, I was really having a good time.  After going out and doing my own thing, I have really begun to enjoy life and not think so much about past hurts.  It does take time and I am one of the most impatient people out there but I realize that it's all worth it in the end.  You are not crazy, just hurting! 

Topic: New here- looking for support
Subject: New here- looking for support - Posted: 11/29/2004 7:45:15 PM
Welcome to the site.  I'm with KM....I have no new advice to offer that hasn't already been said.  I hope that everything works out for the best.  If your husband is truely sorry, I'm sure in time you will know it.  Good luck with everything!

Topic: Drugged and Conned by Shrink
Subject: Drugged and Conned by Shrink - Posted: 11/29/2004 10:20:58 PM
WOW.  I'm glad you reported him and I sure hope they can catch this man and that he will have to pay the consequences.  You can also put him under the database on this website so that other women who visit this site who may be considering him or know him will be able to search him.  Good luck with all the legal issues and I hope things work out.  Keep us posted!

Topic: ever a time when a man says no to sex?
Subject: ever a time when a man says no to sex? - Posted: 11/30/2004 9:38:17 AM
He'll be back.....too bad you'll be out doing your own thing!  Guess he'll have to get a new computer to rekindle the flame haha.

Topic: gotta luv the weird ones...
Subject: gotta luv the weird ones... - Posted: 11/30/2004 9:47:36 AM

OMG...and here I was all this time thinking that I met the wierd ones and thinking I wore some sort of fragrance that drew idiots to me...but I think I must be meeting normal ones compared to this and that's kinda scary!!! 


Topic: Is Passion really all that important....
Subject: Is Passion really all that important.... - Posted: 11/30/2004 5:24:57 PM

Can you explain more about how he feels?  You say you adore him.  What about his feelings toward you?  Your answer to that will help me to give you my opinion on this situation:)


Topic: A Question For The Ladies
Subject: A Question For The Ladies - Posted: 11/30/2004 10:29:13 PM

LMP, I agree that Barry should have been up front and honest when getting into a new relationship.  The choices he makes about the things he does or the way he wants to live are exactly that...his choices.  I know a few transgender men and have no problem going to shows or just hangin out and having a drink with them.  If they are willing to be my friend, I'm willing to be theirs.  Please do not feel that I was judging you or Barry in any way as far as a personal attack goes.  In fact, I had no idea that you were transgender.  No clue whatsoever and I still think no differently of you.  As far as what I posted about the men in our lives getting wierder, I was referring to the surprises and unexpected and did not mean to offend you in any way and I apologize. 


Topic: Staying together for the sake of the kids
Subject: Staying together for the sake of the kids - Posted: 11/30/2004 10:37:16 PM
What about your happiness?  Are you happy with this choice?  I'm guessing that since you posted under the cheating forum that your husband has cheated on you.  You do not have to take it.  I agree that the children will eventually pick up on things.  Kids are a lot more savvy than we give them credit for and a lot of times, they know more than we could ever imagine.  Think about the long run.  If you are not happy and things are not going to work out, you will be miserable ten years down the road and your children could be too.  I have a friend who stayed with his wife for the kids too and it eventually got really bitter and they divorced.  I wish you the best in this decision.  I have never been married and I do not have children so it's really hard for me to put myself into your shoes, but I do hope that you do what will make you happy and  be honest with yourself.  Keep us updated! :)

Topic: Is there pressure to get married?
Subject: Is there pressure to get married? - Posted: 11/30/2004 10:56:33 PM
I am an only child and my father has had a history of cardiac problems and both of my parents have health problems that are under control but can easily get out of control and cause more serious problems.  They worry that one day they will die (we all do eventually) and that I will be left alone.  They constantly talk about how they hope I find a good man.  My mom always makes jokes saying that I need to find a doctor to marry at the hospital (I'm in Nursing).  Everytime I go to a wedding, everyone says...oh you're next.  Well, no, I don't think I am.  I do not want to be married.  I'll be 23 next week and there is so much I want to do that I can't do if I am married or have a family, one of them being travel nursing in a few years.  Again, my mom says travel nursing will be a lonely life.  I don't see it that way.  I see it as a great opportunity to travel all over the country and meet so many people and just see and visit places I may not be able to otherwise.  The point of this little tangent is that I think the pressure varies among people.  I feel extreme pressure for the above mentioned reasons but I have other friends who are older than me and feel no pressure at all.  It's frustrating to try and live my life the way I wnat to when the parents act like I can't make it without a man.  I've made it 23 years without being married.....haha

Topic: STILL WONDERING
Subject: STILL WONDERING - Posted: 12/1/2004 12:07:00 PM
Welcome to the site and I'm glad you found your way here.  I found my way here by mistake and it has to be the best mistake I've ever made.  You're right.  Reading others' posts makes you stronger.  Before I registered, I read posts for a few days and realized this is a no BS forum and when you need to vent or seek out advice, people take you seriously and don't make fun of you or judge you for what you have done or are going through.  I'm pretty much out of the situation I was dealing with for the most part, even before registering but it helps to come here.  It's kinda like our little corner of the internet and I keep it quiet that I come here and post because I feel like it's a place where I can go and not hide any thoughts or feelings that I have.  It's really neat and I'm sure you'll grow to love this site and appreciate the people more and more.  I'm sorry that such a situation has brought you here.  It's never easy to move on.  I like what LMM said about he's pretty much dead to you.  It's okay to mourn and be sad.  If you weren't upset, I'd wonder.  I think after the mourning is over, the hardest part comes.  That's where you realize it's over and you pick up and you go on.  Take your time and allow yourself to heal.  I have been blessed with wonderful friends and they have been wonderful.  I hope that you are blessed in the same way.  Good luck with everything and keep us updated on what's going on.  Things will get better.  Nothing makes you forget about the last man than the next :)  We're here for ya!

Topic: Can you learn to trust men again?
Subject: Can you learn to trust men again? - Posted: 12/1/2004 12:20:21 PM

to the site!  Good for you for getting back out there and dating again.  I am sorry to hear that you went through a marriage of emotional abuse but I'm glad to hear that you are back on the field.  While reading your post and then Agnostic's response about a pattern in the men, I thought of something that someone once advised me after a series of one dud after another.  This person asked me to look at what these men had in common and try to see a pattern.  Well, after much thought and looking into things, I realized that I somehow chose men who had emotional problems.  Why?  Well, because I used to be somewhat codependent and I would feed off of these men's emotional problems thinking I can help them solve their problems or I can be there for them.  Well, that's not the way it worked.  I ended up blaming myself for everything and was eventually brought down and the only way I could look was up and that's when I realized all of this.  Since realizing it and doing something about it, I couldn't be happier.  I have changed my ways of meeting men and dating.  My point is, think about the men you have been seeing.  What do they have in common?  Where have you been meeting them and so forth?  You may also see a pattern that can be fixed. 

Another thing is yourself.  After all those years of emotional abuse, how do you feel about yourself?  Did he beat you down so low that your self esteem is non existant or did he make you feel that no one would ever love you?  How do YOU feel about YOU?  If you aren't happy with yourself, you cannot be happy with anyone else.  Maybe dating isn't what you need right now if you aren't really truly happy. 

Don't give up hope and these are only thoughts and suggestions that worked for me.  I hope that you figure things out for yourself  and can move on.  Feel free to post and vent at anytime.  We're all hear for you and we care :)


Topic: Can you learn to trust men again?
Subject: Can you learn to trust men again? - Posted: 12/1/2004 12:23:21 PM

Oh!  I almost forgot!  People have what I have heard called a 6th sense about situations and people.  Trust your gut.  If you have a bad feeling about someone, you're probably right.  If you are ever in doubt, then don't.

Also, if a man leaves you just because you won't sleep with him, then he wasn't worth sleeping with to begin with.  Take your time and if someone can't respect that, then You are worth waiting for!


Topic: Staying together for the sake of the kids
Subject: Staying together for the sake of the kids - Posted: 12/1/2004 12:27:53 PM
You are not alone by any means in your situation.  I know of several of my parents friends and I have a friend who has or is doing the same thing.  There's a thread under the General section that was started by Lady of Richmond about trusting men again.  Check it out.  Seems she was in the same situation and you may can talk with her :)  Good luck:)

Topic: Too Quick??? What is he thinking?
Subject: Too Quick??? What is he thinking? - Posted: 12/2/2004 12:42:03 PM
I'm not a guy...but here goes haha.  I am not saying you are settling for the first man you date, but I think you should continue to date around.  Like you said, you are just now getting back out there and dating again, so I think you should date other men also.  Four dates in my opinion is hardly enough time to figure out if you can live with someone.  If you have your doubts about this man, then don't.  Trust your instincts. 

Topic: Pet names
Subject: Pet names - Posted: 12/2/2004 7:11:36 PM
I think it depends on the woman's preferences too.  I don't particularly like being called sugah or baby unless he's joking or something and even then I don't like it too much.  Then, there's my roommate who has this whole other baby talk language with her boyfriend.  I gag tryin to listen to a conversation between those too, so I think it all depends. 

Topic: Addicted to Abuse
Subject: Addicted to Abuse - Posted: 12/3/2004 8:58:31 PM
This is gonna be a long one....I know I never really shared any stories on the board.  That's mostly because I'm trying to focus on other things and move on.  BUT, I thought I was stronger than I am.  I'm still falling into the same cycle of emotional abuse.  Hell, we're even broken up, but the cycle has continued after the breakup.  I think I'm addicted to emotional abuse.  I take it, cry, and take it again.  I have never wanted someone who doesn't want me so badly in my life (though I'm 23).  I'm the one who keeps crawling back.  He doesn't know what he wants.  He can't make up his mind.  I either want all of him or I want someone else.  He gets so mad about me talking to other people, but then he says he doens't care.  One minute he cares about me and loves spending time with me.  The next minute he's telling me he has nothing to say and blows me off.  I wonder if it has ever occurred to him that maybe I have something to say?  He makes me feel so stupid and like my thoughts and opinions don't matter because they are worthless.  If I stand up to him, he'll walk away.  I've done it before and then ended up apologizing.  I make exuses that he's really a nice guy, just confused.  The other weekend he said he had to put me in my place and completely bitched me out, then called and apologized and took me out.  I tried to stand up to him then and he took me back home, but then back out again.  I'm afraid to tell him he makes me feel like shit.  I'm not even like that.  I take up for myself to everyone else when I have to.  I'm scared of losing him.  When he's in a good mood, he's so much fun to be around and I love spending time with him.  For some odd reason, our friendship matters to me.  I've read the books, given the advice, I know the deal.  Yet, I always fall into the same old patterns.  He told me his friends think I'm crazy and obsessed with him and that sometimes he thinks the same.  Why do I listen to that?  It's hard to find someone else because I will lose him.  It will be over and I should want it to be over.  I think I like the abuse.

Topic: pet names
Subject: pet names - Posted: 12/3/2004 9:03:08 PM
stefanee wrote:

the only nickname i was called in my past relationship was babe.  i called him babe as well.  i think the entire 16 months we were babes???...lol

the only time we really used our names was when we were into a serious fight and even then there were other names called ... ummm... never mind.. lol

i think its really cool, thats your own little way of expressing your love.  if he didnt call me babe, i would think something was wrong and those times were rare.  as for baby, sometimes, not always...  boo?  yeah okay i can do without that.. and sugar and honey??  where are we, at the dinner table??  lol..

just my rediculous opinion, im in a silly mood tonight sorry im sick and took too much nyquil..  :)



OMG...that's hilarious!!!!  That post gave me a good laugh...At the dinner table Good lawd hahahaha.

Topic: Addicted to Abuse
Subject: Addicted to Abuse - Posted: 12/4/2004 10:27:12 AM

Thanks for your responses.  I read them over and over again.  It's almost like I'm in conflict with myself.  I've been learning a lot about myself lately and I know I do not NEED this person at all and I have things I'd like to do before ever settling down for good.  I'd like to do travel nursing after I graduate and work for about 2 years to gain experience before going all over the country and working with different patient populations and hospital systems.  I wouldn't mind going international for a few months to some of the 3rd world countries either.  I should have graduated this past May but I changed my major twice and took a semester off a few years ago so instead I graduate May '06.  Anyway, the point of my little rant is to say that I have future goals and there are things I want to do and places I want to go.  I know in the long term, I do not want a serious relationship right now because I don't want to be held back.  But then, there's that other part of me that WANTS something that this man can't give me. I was swept off my feet the day I met him and haven't grounded since regardless of how shitty he makes me feel.  It's like I contradict myself.

LMM, I agree about the rock bottom.  I'm getting there.  Each time he talks down to me, I care less and less.  It's almost like I cry less harder (is that a word lol) each time.  I stay busy with school and I'm starting a new job at the hospital in two weeks so I don't have a whole lot of time for a social life.  I have plenty of wonderful girl friends who are single and independent that I look up to.  I think sometimes I spend time with him just so I dont have to sit at home.  Sad as that is.  He just makes me feel so guilty for going out with other men, yet he's the one who broke up with me.  Go figure.  Part of the mind games you were referring to I guess.

KM, that's a great idea.  I am really close with my mom and I tell her a lot of what goes on.  A lot more than most girls my age tell their moms.  She worries about me and says that this world is full of crazy people and that this man is one of them.  He has spent the weekend at my parents house and my parents loved him...until I started telling her what was really happening with the patterns.  So, he's charming for sure.  My parents didn't even see through him.  But I like that idea. 

So while I'm writing this novel of a post, lol, I want to mention something else.  I am an only child and have a very close knit extended family on my mom's side.  Christmas is crazy around our house.  Anyway, my mom grew up sheltered and my dad was out on his own at 18 doing his own thing, making his own mistakes.  My mom has never smoked a cig and I was with her the first time she drank alcohol.  My dad lived his days...to say the least.  So, my dad understands, but it's a problem about me being independent and choosing to stay single.  My mom gets upset saying she wants someone to take care of me when they die and she doens't want me to travel because it will be a lonely life.  They both say they want me to be married and they want grandchildren, but I don't want that right now.  I know they love me and they're saying it because they care, but it's like this stuff has been pushed into my head since I was like 2 years old.  I grew up hearing about marriage and when I get married blah blah blah.  I was brainwashed (not in a neg. way) until I moved to college and stayed and now I live here and don't go home during summertime or breaks except for a few days.  I have learned a lot and met a lot of different people and somehow in that, I developed my own goals and wants and needs that conflict with theirs for me.  How do I handle this without hurting them? 

Also, KM, you say you wish you knew then what you know now.  Any advice to offer me so that I don't feel that way one day?

Sorry about the long post!!!!  It's just so easy to vent and get carried away on here


Topic: Addicted to Abuse
Subject: Addicted to Abuse - Posted: 12/6/2004 10:11:06 AM

Wow...I had the most random night of my life Saturday night and it all ended with "Do not contact me" to him. 

To make a long story short, I started out with him and his best friend out drinking.  Then, we went to another bar so we could meet up with my friends.  On the way, we had a fight and he yelled at me and I asked him not to treat me that way and he told me he was taking me back to my car and that sometimes I needed to be yelled at and that there was nothing else to say.  I asked if it ever occurred to him I had something to say and he said no because everytime I acted like I had something to say, it was nothing so he was tired of it.  Well, I get in my car and go back to the bar to meet my friends.  Let the night carry on...without him.

Well, his friend had gone to meet us at that bar where my friends were so he and I walked in at the same time and I offered for him to sit with us and he said.."I'm here to meet my friend, you go with yours."  so i walked off and had a good time with my friends, met some new people, and so on...forgot about him.

Then, he calls and wanted me to come out to where he was and I told him no that I was with my friends and all my freinds were encouraging me and reminding me of how he had treated me like shit 4 hours earlier.  So he ended up comign to where I was....stupid me left with him...

We talked and I thought things were fine...although I could somehow with a 6th sense feel that the rock bottom LMM referred to was coming.  There was another couple there with us.  Some things happened and he went against what I had asked and pretty much without saying a word gave me a slap in the face (not literally) and a fuck you, I dont care what you think and fucked someone else.  I had always told him that was where I draw the line. 

After we were alone, I said..."we're done" and he kept saying he knew he crossed the line and he was sorry and kept on and on apologizing and admitting he was wrong and so on blah blah blah.  And I said.."That's fine, but we are done.  I draw the line and I'm sticking to it."  I went to sleep and the next morning, he drove me back to my car and I asked him not to contact me again and he got mad and told me to go on about my way.  I talked to him later that day and he said he'd call me if and when he was ready to talk...Whatever.  Power hungry maniac.

So, one of my friends saw him and his best friend out last night and he felt uncomfortable as soon as she walked in and he ended up leaving and his best friend told my friend.."please encourage her not to see him anymore.  he does not know how to treat women and she's a sweet girl and can do much better than him." and my friend told him no worries that she was doing just that.  That's pretty bad if his own best friend says that.

Well, yesterday was a hard day and I slept most of it.  But today, I woke up and I feel totally different.  He disrespected me and my wishes in the worst way and I allowed it to happen.  It's like literally overnight, I understand rock bottom and I hit it.  I dont' have any feelings for him anymore.  I feel a cold indifference towards him.  I have no desire to talk to him.  It's the wierdest feeling in the world. 

In the meantime, I learned a lot about myself from him and people in general.  I gained a lot while at the same time I lost a lot.  I'm choosing not to date for now just so that I can regain my self respect and enjoy time with my friends who this weekend proved themselves to be loyal and the best friends that any girl could ever ask for.  I once heard the quote..."I'm only as strong as the cocktails I drink and the girl friends that I have..." and that's how I'm choosing to be for now.  

Before, I always hoped he'd call to apologize or call to hang out again and that we'd get past it.  Not this time.  I do not want to hear from him.  I can't even be friends with someone who walks on me like that.

Buh bye to him


Topic: Thank You For Making This Site!
Subject: Thank You For Making This Site! - Posted: 12/6/2004 10:15:41 AM

Wow...good for you!!!  I am in your situation also.  Just this past weekend, I asked him not to contact me again.  It's really hard but we can do it.  Good luck to you!!!  I have also chosen not to date for a while until I gain my self respect back that I lost with him.  I wish you the best in your situation also.  I know that you can do it.  There are so many strong women and men on this site who can encourage you and you can really learn a lot from them.  Someone is always on 24 hours a day.  Anytime you need to vent or seek advice, someone will respond day or night. 


Topic: Just wanted to say....
Subject: Just wanted to say.... - Posted: 12/6/2004 10:19:24 AM

to everyone on this site!  You all have been wonderful.  Before I even began posting about my own situation or responding to others, I would read the threads and I learned so much from all the women and men on here.  That's when I decided to join.  It has really been such an encouragement to see so many people come out of situations like mine and many situations much worse than anything I could imagine ever going through.  You all are so strong and I really admire each one of you.  This message board has been a way for me to vent and seek encouragement.  It's hard for me to talk about things with people I am close to, but I am able to on this site.  You all rock! 


Topic: what do man think??
Subject: what do man think?? - Posted: 12/6/2004 10:28:08 AM
Wow, I completely agree with Agnostic.  I actually like the way he put it.  There's no reasons, only exuses.  I really like that.  Anyway, I know a lot of men (and women) who live in the moment.  He may be caught up in a moment and do what he feels will please him at that moment in time and then later realize that he screwed up, but there's no reason or exuse for it.  He did what he did and you don't have to take it.  He behaves a certain way and you can either take it or leave it and if it's wrong or inappropriate, leave it.  He may not think about the consquences of his actions and that's just too bad for him.  We all have our own selfish desires and obviously he indulged in his a little too much.  In turn, he felt guilty so that's why he belittled and emotionally abused you.  I have been there and it's hard to get out of.  But good for you for leaving this situation.  I have also come to learn that if I have to try and figure out a man or question his motives or intentions, it's best to just leave him alone if he's that confusing and doens't know what he wants. 

Topic: He wont tell me?? Why?
Subject: He wont tell me?? Why? - Posted: 12/6/2004 10:37:15 AM
I am so sorry that you are hurting.  I, too, just came out of a siutation that I refuse to go back into.  There are times throughout the day that I think of him.  We had also become close friends so I totally sympathize with where you are coming from and it's hard.  It's like sometimes you miss the friendship.  But I try to remember that the same person that I laughed with and had some of the greatest times with is the same person who lied to me, slapped me in the face (not literally of course) and totally disrepected me and my wishes and everything that I am and what I stand for.  That makes it easier to know that it probably wasn't even real.  At one time, he may have cared...Maybe for the first five minutes.  All in all, it was nothing.  I don't really have any advice to offer because I feel I am in the same boat with you, but I can tell you what I chose to do.  I am not dating anyone for now until I gain the self respect and dignity that he stole from me.  I will go out with my friends and have a good time and focus on work and school.  And when I do start dating again, I will be more aware and careful and if I do not like how I am being treated, I will walk away, no regrets.  I have some wonderful friends who will hold me accountable.  I encourage you to do the same.  If you have family or friends you are close to, ask them to hold you accountable not to go back to this man and in the future not to take the same shit from other men.  In fact, we can hold you accountable on this site.  You don't deserve this. It's hard to forget someone who was a piece of your life that's now missing.  But those pieces will come back together.  I believe it for myself and I believe it for you.

Topic: dirty dog!
Subject: dirty dog! - Posted: 12/6/2004 10:42:52 AM
I think you put up with the bullshit for the same reason we all do.  We care about the person and we want them to change.  It's a challenge to us.  I hate that you had to find out that way and it sucks that he doesn't have the balls to tell you himself.  I agree that if you are into that lifestyle, that's fine, but both partners should agree on it and it should not be a life led in secret from your partner.  I'm sure you feel betrayed and I hate that for you.  This situation I just got out of, that's almost what happened there.  He asked me if I wanted to switch up with another couple and I said no and he did it anyway.  Talk about a fuck you and slap in the face.  People are going to do what they want to do and you just have to let it be.  It hurts in the worst way.  I don't try to understand or figure out anyone.  Just let them be.  Let this be a learning experience for you.  Next man who throws some bullshit at you, walk away.  If you let them shit on you one time, they'll keep on.  Good luck to you and I hope you heal soon.

Topic: i feel like myself again...
Subject: i feel like myself again... - Posted: 12/6/2004 10:47:15 AM
I have done the same thing.  I read my own advice and realize...damn, why can't I listen to myself?  I think it's much easier when you have someone putting it all out there for you.  Plus, I feel like I am biased in my own situation and an outside opinion is always easier to follow.  I like to hear it for myself instead of telling myself sometimes too.  I'm glad you chose to get rid of this last man.  They come and go but at least you ended it before it got out of control.  Next man please! haha!

Topic: Guidance or advice needed
Subject: Guidance or advice needed - Posted: 12/6/2004 10:58:51 AM

Wow.  This is definately a difficult situation.  However, I feel that if he has something to prove to you, let him prove it.  Tell him that you will not call him.  Make him work for it.  If he wants to talk to you, he needs to call you.  If he wants to see you, he needs to put forth that effort but in the meantime, don't drop what you are doing to spend time with him.  If you are already doing something or have plans, stick with those.  Do not let him back in your life just because he wants back in or because he is lonely or feeling guilty.  He should only be allowed back in your life with hard work and sincerity.  That's how he can prove it.

Don't give up anything for him.  You keep doing your own thing and living your life.  An teacher I had in high school once told me something that has stuck with me 6-7 years later.  He said...Hurt me once, shame on you.  Hurt me twice, shame on me.  I have lived in shame for a few months and I don't want to see you go through the same thing.

You obviously have strong feelings for this man and he knows how to get to you.  Remember that.  Watch him closely.  Is he trying to get to you because he wants to be with you or is he trying to get to you because he knows he can?  Is he trying to prove something to himself that he can have you when he wants you or is he trying to prove something to you because he wants you in every way a man can want and need a woman?

Please and take your time.  If he tries to rush you, walk away.  He's got a lot of work to do.  Keep us posted and I hope things work out for the best...whatever that may be.


Topic: I have found one!
Subject: I have found one! - Posted: 12/6/2004 2:52:04 PM
Congrats!!!  I'm happy for you!!!  I know there are good men out there and one day, I may or may not find one.  I'm def. glad you did.  Good luck and I hope things continue to go well for you!

Topic: Guidance or advice needed
Subject: Guidance or advice needed - Posted: 12/7/2004 9:52:07 AM

I'm glad you are doing what you feel is right.  Please keep us all updated on how things go and I wish you happiness and I hope that everything works out for the best!


Topic: i feel like myself again...
Subject: i feel like myself again... - Posted: 12/7/2004 4:13:57 PM
stefanee wrote:

i think that once we finally get that one big wake up call, we open our eyes, ears and hearts to reality and force ourselves to believe all men are not what we truly think they are.  sometimes we make ourselves believe, he will change, or make excuses for him as to why he has been treating us the way he does.  but it has to come to a hault one time or another.  and that is the decision each individual must make, be it being extremely heart broken and a lesson learned.

its really sad that some women have to take a trample time and time again, just to realize that she is dating one jerk after another.  how many times can a woman really get so heartbroken after finally saying okay, enough is enough!...  i had my one big wake up call 2 months ago, and now that is my lesson learned.  i am cautious, guarded, and have alot more repsect for myself now.  i refuse to ever let any man ever take advantage of me, lie to me, or even try to play me.  im a wiser, stronger person and i have alot of people to thank on this site for helping me be this way.

if a man does not repsect you, and love you back the way you love him, its time to move on.  those feelings will eventually fade, be it months or years from now, but its better heartbroken for a small amount of time than to be abused, or played for the longevity of the relationship. 



I agree completely about the wake up call.  For me, it came within a matter of seconds and I knew I'd never be the same again.  It is painful and hard at the time, but you are right, it's a lesson learned.  You learn about men, other people, and mostly yourself.  It sucks to have to deal with it over and over (in some cases) but as long as you are learning from your mistakes, then it almost seems worthwhile.

Topic: men and fetsih?????
Subject: men and fetsih????? - Posted: 12/8/2004 2:31:06 PM
I know many men who have a thing with thongs and asses.  High heels is one I hear about a lot...thigh highs too.  I don't really think anything of it.  Maybe that's not really fetishes that I named but whatever they're into. 

Topic: a birthday message for krismiss
Subject: a birthday message for krismiss - Posted: 12/9/2004 12:34:42 PM
Awww!!!  Happy Birthday Krismiss!!!  I hope you have a wonderful day and a great year ahead!

Topic: Does Size Matter?
Subject: Does Size Matter? - Posted: 12/10/2004 3:21:19 PM
Depends....how big is his tongue?

Topic: Does Size Matter?
Subject: Does Size Matter? - Posted: 12/10/2004 3:48:47 PM
Ha! That's the truth...Like Viagra Plus for all ages.

Topic: Need Advice
Subject: Need Advice - Posted: 12/11/2004 1:31:27 PM
I agree with what everyone else has said.  Usually when a man doesn't trust you, he really doesn't trust himself.  He brings you down because he is down on himself and like the old saying says....misery loves company.  Relationships shouldn't be confusing.  If he doesn't know what he wants, then it's not you.  If you find yourself trying to make exuses or figure out his behavior, you're way better off without this man.  I agree that you could be his security blanket.  He has a comfort zone with you.  I agree that he is coming back because he thinks he could get laid or he hasnt' found someone to replace you.  You will probably never know what he's doing when he disappears for all that time.  And to be honest, do you really care?  Move on and keep moving on.  Never stop.  I've been you.  I know how you feel.  I wish I could have taken my own advice so many times.  Respect yourself.  Don't take his calls, don't respond to him.  It must give this sick f*ck some cheap thrill to get a reaction out of you, so stop giving one.  The best thing you can do and it's what I have done also is to keep moving and don't look back.  It gets easier everyday and you gain more and more respect for yourself and feel stronger each day.  I wish you the best and please feel free to vent or say what you feel at anytime.  We're always here

Topic: Addicted to Abuse
Subject: Addicted to Abuse - Posted: 12/11/2004 10:19:30 PM

Agc, I read and responded to a thread you had started as well.  I completely understand what you are going through and how you feel and I know you feel the same as me.  We can just continue to encourage each other!

After a week goes by, he called me constantly last night when I was out with my friends.  I finally answered at about 4 am because I was getting tired of him calling.  BAD MOVE!  He acted nice at first.  Said that he was calling to "see how I was doing" and I told him I was fine and he said he wans't mad at me and dind't want any hard feelings and I told him I knew that and there were no hard feelings.  Also said he had been thinking and he missed me.  Riiiight.  He was just pissed off and wondering where I was and who I was with.  He gave me the 21 questions game about where I was, who I was with, accused me of dating other guys and f*cking around.  I just dind't respond to him the way I usually do.  I have nothing towards him. I'm cold and numb.  Anyway, he was trying to accuse my friends of things (we have some mutual friends).  He's just trying to isolate me to control me. He kept asking who I was out with and I told him friends and he asked who and kept pushing the issue so I told him and he got mad because I was out with a guy I used to date...which we are ONLY friends now.  In fact, he even has a new girlfriend who was hanging  out with us!!!  No big deal.  The ex has some issues. 

He really ruined my night.  I feel cold and numb but he knows how to get to me.  Then, today I talked to him and he was pretty much actin like an ass saying that there was nothing else to talk about.  He said it was enough for him just knowing that I had gone to what he called my backup.  I explained to him, even though I owe him no explanation, that the guy had a girlfriend and we were only friends.   So, then he changed his tune and wants to talk tomorrow.  I dont' feel like it.

I came a long way within one week of getting rid of him.  I even surprised myself.  If I talk to him tomorrow, it will make me regress back to square one.  I have worked too hard and kept myself busy and surrounded myself with friends to just go back to the same ole habit and bullshit.  As soon as I answered the phone, I could feel myself regressing and I do not want this. Why can't he just leave me alone.  I asked him tonight to let me let him go. 

MEN!  Anyway, I know that I have to keep moving and not look back.  I'm trying to view this weekend as a minor setback.  Damnit.

 


Topic: A 6 year old Girl
Subject: A 6 year old Girl - Posted: 12/11/2004 10:23:08 PM
hahaha! That was too cute!  I needed a good laugh!

Topic: God and Eve
Subject: God and Eve - Posted: 12/11/2004 10:25:03 PM
Oh my gosh!! I have never heard that before!!  That was too cute.  I love it!

Topic: Need Advice
Subject: Need Advice - Posted: 12/11/2004 10:28:49 PM
I understand all about that getting to the point where you just dont' care anymore.  There comes a breaking point.  We can only take and handle so much and then we're done.  I have also come to that point and I feel cold and indifferent...numb I guess you could say.  It actually has helped me get through the past week.  is right.  He's not worth you giving him the time of day!

Topic: Make him suffer GIRLS?
Subject: Make him suffer GIRLS? - Posted: 12/11/2004 10:41:03 PM

I don't think this is worth your time or energy.  It could backfire on you.  In my opinion, you will only be hurting yourself in the end.  You may or may not get the reaction you want.  If he's going to fall head over heels for you, he will do it. 

If you are going to breakup, then let it be what it is.  A break up...meaning you are apart. Of course he will realize one day what a great girl you are and he will regret it, but let that be his problem, not yours.


Topic: Oh, LMP.....Where You Be?
Subject: Oh, LMP.....Where You Be? - Posted: 12/11/2004 10:43:31 PM
I don't understand what the purge stage is.  I saw you mentioned it in another thread.  What exactly is it?

Topic: Addicted to Abuse
Subject: Addicted to Abuse - Posted: 12/11/2004 10:55:47 PM

Oh my gosh!!  It's like you took the thoughts right out of my head!!  I also have felt guilty for allowing this to go on.  I lost a lot of respect for myself and allowed myself to be drug down to a low point.  But, I just try to remember that everyone makes mistakes and I have to live and learn and not repeat them.  I can assure you and everyone else that those mistakes WILL NOT be repeated ever again.

I also never took anything of anyone and never wore my heart on my sleeve either.  I am a strong person.  He is my weakness.  I know that he does not care and I know that he knows exactly what strings to pull and just how to get under my skin and so does he.  I have never taken shit off of any other men I have dated and I know I won't in the future.  I wonder myself, what is it about HIM that makes me weak?  But I'm not going to try and figure it out.  The minute I sit and overanalyze is the minute I begin to waste even more time on this man. 

I have learned so much from this relationship and I'm sure you have to.  I am surrounding myself with friends and I hope you do the same.  In fact, I looked around this week when I was out with my friends and realized just how blessed I really am.  I knew that everyone that I was out with cared about me.  I hope you are equally as blessed.

It's hard but we can do it.

 


Topic: Need Advice
Subject: Need Advice - Posted: 12/11/2004 10:59:16 PM
I have never heard that song by eminem I don't think.  Wouldn't piss on fire to put you out!  I like that! hahahah!!  There's a song by matchbox 20 too that says...You brought me to the fire and left me there to burn.  owch! haha

Topic: sex sex all day long??
Subject: sex sex all day long?? - Posted: 12/13/2004 3:47:00 PM
It sounds like you stay busy, so I'm with everyone else.  Stick with the toys and you never know...that may turn him on and make him want it more...

Topic: I want to know your opinion on the show The Swan.
Subject: I want to know your opinion on the show The Swan. - Posted: 12/13/2004 3:50:23 PM
I never really watched the swan except maybe bits and pieces every now and then.  Going through such drastic changes as they do, I wonder if they help them with counseling and dealing with other personal and internal issues.  I have a friend who had the gastric banding surgery adn she was required to go to counseling sessions.  do they do that on the swan?

Topic: Desperate Housewives
Subject: Desperate Housewives - Posted: 12/13/2004 3:53:11 PM
I've heard of it but never watched it.  Does it have a plot or storyline each week or is it like a soap?

Topic: Why do we do this to ourselves?
Subject: Why do we do this to ourselves? - Posted: 12/13/2004 7:12:21 PM

If you have mental issues, then we all do because we all grieve and hurt and experience anger and so forth.  It sucks to know that he has somewhat moved on and here you are hurting.  I'm sure you want him to hurt the way you do.  I know the feeling and plenty of us have been there.

Think about the future.  In just a few years or months, this man will only be a memory to you...a learning experience.  You'll never understand what is going through his head and you can try to think of all scenarios and exuses in the world, but it won't change things.

He is who he is, nothing less and nothing more.  Let him go.  If he wants to see other women, just let him.  You know that he is not capable of a real relationship, so let him take someone else down with him meanwhile freeing yourself to other men who may come along. 

Take your time.  There is no time limit on getting over someone.  If it takes you a week, wonderful...but if it takes you a year...then that's fine too.  As long as you are growing and little by little, it will get better.

Try to focus on other things.  Surround yourself with your friends and people who care.  Next time you are with friends, look around and realize that these are the people who love you and care for you more than that man ever could and hold onto those people in your life. 

Do something out of the ordinary.  Challenge yourself.  Read a book that you normally wouldn't.  Go somewhere you've always wondered what it was like.  Meet someone that you may normally turn your nose up to.

It's easier said than done and soooo frustrating.  I know how you feel, but the best thing you can do is see the situation for what it is and just let it go.  I'm in the boat with you so I'm talking to myself also....but I can say that every day is easier and easier and he's further and further out of my mind.

 


Topic: Am I crazy?
Subject: Am I crazy? - Posted: 12/13/2004 7:19:41 PM
I have learned that when a man accuses me of something, it's usually him.  Usually it's been negative stuff, but this may be the same thing in a positive.  He could be accusing you of being too emotional because it sounds like he is himself by his reactions.  That's def. confusing....Are you dating one of my ex boyfriends??

Topic: Why do we do this to ourselves?
Subject: Why do we do this to ourselves? - Posted: 12/13/2004 8:52:05 PM

Random....I used to live in Loganville and then Snellville and then moved to SC


Topic: The website....
Subject: The website.... - Posted: 12/15/2004 10:54:15 AM
was down yesterday on my computer.  Maybe it was just my computer but I haven't restarted or anything,but the site was back up today.  Did that happen to anyone else or is my computer just being screwy?  I was in a panic thinking the site was gone forever

Topic: Why do we do this to ourselves?
Subject: Why do we do this to ourselves? - Posted: 12/15/2004 11:05:32 AM
agc210 wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:

Random....I used to live in Loganville and then Snellville and then moved to SC



Really? How old are you? Now that would be funny if we new one another. haha

 



23

Topic: Okay...how about non-sesxual fetishes?
Subject: Okay...how about non-sesxual fetishes? - Posted: 12/15/2004 11:17:30 AM
krismiss wrote:

 

Iím a sick weirdo because I know lots of information about serial killers.  Iím guessing no explanation is needed here.

Iím a sick weirdo because I move my furniture around when I get stressed. My parents were convinced I would grow up to be an interior designer.

 



I'm a sick wierdo because...

I have things in common with other sick wierdos.

I also like to read about serial killers.  I think it's because I like psych and I'm fascinated by the way people think and why they behave the way they do.  Interesting stuff.

I also rearrange my room when I'm stressed out.  That and clean and I mean like scrubbing floors clean.  I've moved my furniture around three times since August  and had at least 2 cleaning spells a week.


Topic: Okay...how about non-sesxual fetishes?
Subject: Okay...how about non-sesxual fetishes? - Posted: 12/15/2004 11:21:28 AM
stefanee wrote:

im a sick weirdo  because...

i just learned how to drive a street bike and am about to buy one, and am probably making the biggest mistake of my life, im 5í2 and 123 pounds.  but life is about living to the fullest....



I'm a sick wierdo again because...

I'm also into sportbikes.  It's easy to get into and once you're into it, you're hooked.  Not sure how long or how far into the sport you are, but if you haven't and ever get the chance, go to a race.  Fast bikes, attractive(for the most part) men, and lots of stuff going on.  I have no doubt you'd love it. What kind of bike are you lookin into getting?  It's no mistake.  You are right.  You only live once so live life in the fast lane..literally.


Topic: Okay...how about non-sesxual fetishes?
Subject: Okay...how about non-sesxual fetishes? - Posted: 12/15/2004 11:29:01 AM

Now, I'm a sick wierdo on my own because...

I'm scared to death of fish.  I won't eat them, touch them, or swim with them.  I'll go in the lake or ocean but as soon as I see a fish, I'm out.  I've been fishing before but I'll throw the line out and when something hooks, I'm done and won't pull it in or touch it haha.

If I'm writing a paper or just to write and I make one mistake, I tear the whole paper up and start over...Yea, and I know they make pen erasers, but it's not the same as a fresh piece of paper haha.

I can be just plain intentionally manipulative when I need to be...which I haven't been in quite some time.

I'm obsessed with politics.  Either party, any candidate, any viewpoint.

I keep my cereal in the fridge and eat it out of a cup instead of bowl, but I still use a spoon.

When I was in elementary school, I thought a bubble existed above my head and everyone could see what I was thinking or daydreaming about haha.

I fantasize about wierd sexual games and things, but don't act on them because they're too wierd...even for me.

I like to sit outside during rainstorms or thunderstorms.

 


Topic: Spells I wrote last night for Voodoo Doll
Subject: Spells I wrote last night for Voodoo Doll - Posted: 12/15/2004 11:39:49 AM
shattered4good wrote:
agnostic wrote:

Viginity...I think it grows back...!!



its been almost 8 years for me.

but I have 2 kids

however I believe I qualify



My friends and I have a "Cancelling out" theory you might like.  We have cancelled out in some way all of the men we have had sex with so they no longer count and we declare ourselves virgins by cancellation. LOL.  Here are a few of the theories..

If it was bad sex, it cancels out.

If he breaks up with you, it cancels out.

I regret it, so it cancels out.

He had a girlfriend I didn't know about, cancels out.

He drinks too much so he cancels out.

His friend is hotter so he cancels out.

I married someone else, so he cancels out.

He married someone else, so he cancels out.

I was drunk and he cancels out.

He cussed at me...cancels out.

There are more...just make it whatever you want and it cancels out!

And ultimately....you are renewed the 1st and 15th of each month so all before cancel out.  It works for us.


Topic: oh no... please stop me...
Subject: oh no... please stop me... - Posted: 12/15/2004 8:41:05 PM
When in doubt, just don't.  Stop right where you are before you get in too deep and end up where you started.  I haven't been a member long, but I do know that you are very intelligent and you have a good head on your shoulders.  You offer wonderful advice and you have come so far.  This man is like a block in your path and you can either make him a stepping stone and keep going or a stumbling block and end up in all too familiar patterns in situations. 

Topic: Cheating or no?
Subject: Cheating or no? - Posted: 12/15/2004 8:46:59 PM

No one is here to point fingers or judge you.  We are here for support. 

Have you tried to talk to him to find out what is going on?  There could be something more or it could be that he just doesn't want to be with you anymore(hopefully that's not the case).  Try talking to him if you haven't already to find out what is going on.

If he doesn't want to talk or doesn't give you a good enough reason, then hold your head high and walk away.  Don't make exuses or try to figure out too much.  Just take whatever it is for what it is.

I hope you get the answers you are looking for!


Topic: FOOT SEX AND SHE-MALES
Subject: FOOT SEX AND SHE-MALES - Posted: 12/15/2004 9:11:16 PM

Holy shit.  Wow....My jaw was dropping every other sentence while reading your story.  My heart breaks for you.  I cannot imagine going through anything like what you have gone through.  You trusted this man and planned a future and I can tell you really love him. 

I have to say good for you for getting out there and seeking the truth.  You did your research in a non-manipulative way and found out the truth.

If you want to find out more or meet these people, then I say go for it.  But be prepared that you are most likely not going to hear what you want to hear.  If you can handle anything they may reveal, then I think you will have a peace of mind in the end. 

I wish you the best and please keep us all updated.


Topic: FOOT SEX AND SHE-MALES
Subject: FOOT SEX AND SHE-MALES - Posted: 12/16/2004 4:31:39 AM

By the way....when you write your best seller book.....can we all have personally autographed copies??


Topic: Repairing a friendship...
Subject: Repairing a friendship... - Posted: 12/16/2004 11:41:56 AM

I don't know how to repair this friendship.  Okay to make a massive story short...

I have been friends with my roommate for 3 years.  We have lived together the year before last and this year.  Anyway, the last guy I dated who fucked up my world to say the least, lives with her boyfriend of 5 years.  I had gotten to be really good friends with him too.  That's how I met my ex...when he moved in with my roommates boyfriend.  Anyway, the first week this guy and I dated, she was cool about it and liked it.

Then, I'm sure she knew things I didn't and so forth.  She started getting mad at me for saying I wasn't going back to him and then going back to him. 

She ended up fessing up about some things she knew a while back and I cut the guy off but then took him back and he basically blamed it on her saying that he told her those things to see if he could trust her and to see how long it would take to get back to me.  He also said that they had made a bet on how long it would take for us to get back together and so on and so on. 

I lost trust in him and her and just about everyone else in my life associated with him. 

Come to find out, she and my ex had some not so clean conversations and he told me about it to "help" me understand why she dind't like me and him together.  I kept that secret to myself.  He said those conversations (on computer only) ended when we met chalkin it all up to jealousy on her part.  Well, he got pissed at her for telling another person and he threatened to tell her boyfriend.  This is fucked up now that I type it out.

Anyway, the more the cycle continued with this guy, the worse our friendship became.  I dont' even talk to her boyfriend anymore.  I was totally oblivious and completely thought she was being a bitch and I just wasn't thinking straight.  Now that the guy is gone, I'm beginnign to think clearly again.  I see things I didn't before and understand a lot more now. 

I have been trying to repair the friendship and offered my apologies that all that had been going on has affected our friendship and i missed us hanging out and her response was that our friendship would never be the way it was and she accepted my apology but it doesn't make up for all that has transpired and she'd talk to me later b/c she had to go.

Is this repairable or should I let it go?  Now that I"m thinking straight, this guy totally fucked up my world.  I have lost two friendships (my roommate and her boyfriend) that I valued greatly. 


Topic: Todays Oprah
Subject: Todays Oprah - Posted: 12/16/2004 1:57:16 PM
If it hasn't already been on, then be sure to tune into Oprah.  It's about a girl who confronts her stepfather who sexually abused her for years after she was replaced in a foster home. 

Topic: new here, not sure what to do...
Subject: new here, not sure what to do... - Posted: 12/16/2004 6:12:04 PM

What a hard situation you are in.  I have never been in any situation like that so all I can offer is my opinion and an ear to listen. 

I see two sides of this.  First, a part of me says that you should mention this to her because you have survived a cheating husband.  You can remember how that felt so try to put yourself in her shoes.  Would you have wanted a neighbor to tell you?

Then again, there is that stereotype of a nosey neighbor and she may not want to listen.  How close are you two?  Do you ever talk with the husband? 

I think it depends on the relationship with the nieghbor.  Revealing suspicions like that is personal so are you close enough to do that?

My best friend's husband had an affair and you can bet her neighbor told all she knew but they had become acquainted over the time they lived near each other and their children played together, so her neighbor was a valuable resource.


Topic: For the Ladies...
Subject: For the Ladies... - Posted: 12/16/2004 6:16:02 PM

Maybe there's too much air in my head hahaha...

I don't get it???


Topic: new here, not sure what to do...
Subject: new here, not sure what to do... - Posted: 12/16/2004 7:02:13 PM

Dang..that's a good point agnostic. 

How old are the children?

I agree...bringing the woman into his wife's home..OMG. 

I like the letter idea MP mentioned.  That way you are helping but not directly "sticking your nose into it" so to speak. 

Keep us updated.


Topic: anal sex??
Subject: anal sex?? - Posted: 12/16/2004 7:31:17 PM

I've tried it a few times, but I just can't get past that initial owch part.  I was even really extremely drunk one night and still felt it.  I also have a friend who loves it and I just don't see how.  I wish I could try it because I like to try just about anything at least once and if I don't like it, I don't do it again.  I do however, think that the tongue and fingers are good to go anally, but I have yet to get further with anything else.

Wow, that was some personal info haha.


Topic: would u....
Subject: would u.... - Posted: 12/16/2004 7:40:33 PM

chicks before dicks...

I donít like to share so I donít know about a 3some...been there, done that with another woman and man and then two men...again whatís up with me and giving out personal info tonight??? haha

Iíd hope my friend would get over his abs and move on because sexual tension is a bitch...


Topic: would u....
Subject: would u.... - Posted: 12/16/2004 9:07:45 PM
Audii wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:

chicks before dicks...

I donít like to share so I donít know about a 3some...been there, done that with another woman and man and then two men...again whatís up with me and giving out personal info tonight??? haha

Iíd hope my friend would get over his abs and move on because sexual tension is a bitch...



hear ya..but the question was too good to keep to myself besides life is too short...rigth!!

yeah did the 3some once only once...and i was young and stupid at the time and really it was fun-but i like all the attention on me all the time -so that other chick was really only getting on my nerves...



EXACTLY!!!!  it's like...hello over there?!?!

But, the chick in my experience was bisexual so I did get a lot of attention.

It was an annoying experience b/c I liek to focus and be focused on 110%...

you need to try 2 men


Topic: anal sex??
Subject: anal sex?? - Posted: 12/16/2004 9:10:48 PM
Audii wrote:
Miss Priss wrote:
HAAAAAAAAAAAAATE IT.  Iíve always told my men that I would let them IF they would let me with a foreign object.  That usually shuts them up.


love it!! i may need to use that line....(too funny)


It works...I"m like...well yeah you but it'd really be hot if I could...

and before you know it...they're off your case about it


Topic: how loud is too loud??
Subject: how loud is too loud?? - Posted: 12/16/2004 9:15:42 PM

See..now if you can't have sex all day long, at least you can post about it right? haha.

Anyway, I dont think I've ever woke the neighbors and I live with two other girls.

I have beat on the walls, scratched walls...once I knocked down blinds, broke a lamp..Hell, when you're gettin it good, you're just gettin it good right?

I don't fake orgasms that often...so when I get loud, it's loud but I like it that way.  I like to feel free to release it and let it go and live up to the fullest.

I like when the man is loud too and talking dirty...

Woohoo...

Damnit, I'm single


Topic: Why do we do this to ourselves?
Subject: Why do we do this to ourselves? - Posted: 12/16/2004 9:22:44 PM
agc210 wrote:
MISS Perfect? wrote:
Agc, we here in GB LOVE  Southern accents!!    yes, agc,the battle is over now K and i are now formally estranged.

                           Best Wishes

                            Samantha



I was born and raised in GA and have a southern accent. I lived in England for 6 yrs, air force kid!  The battle was entertaining, I just sat back and read, I had nothing to add but glad everything has settled down.


Did you ever figure out if we knew each other?

Last time I was in GA, loganville had grown so much from when I lived there...

I liked it b/c not to far from Braselton and Road Atlanta for some racing!


Topic: Why does a man...
Subject: Why does a man... - Posted: 12/16/2004 9:36:44 PM

want to have sex with a woman and then when she does have sex with him, she becomes a "slut"?

I've always wondered about that one


Topic: Why does a man...
Subject: Why does a man... - Posted: 12/17/2004 2:28:47 PM
haha..no it was just a general question.  i hear guys talking about a girl and wanting her and then when tehy get her, they start calling her a slut...just wondering haha

Topic: 2 Christmas parties in a row...Partay tonight :)
Subject: 2 Christmas parties in a row...Partay tonight :) - Posted: 12/18/2004 11:14:49 PM

Have fun and drink a few for me!!!  I think I did myself in Friday night.  We went out to celebrate a friend's graduation and I celebrated a little to much and tried to go out tonight but it's 1:20 and I'm already in haha.  I hope everyone else had a good weekend!

 


Topic: if you could pick just one....
Subject: if you could pick just one.... - Posted: 12/18/2004 11:26:32 PM
Stay in reality and see things and people for what they are and not what I want them to be.

Topic: My Life - Bill Clinton
Subject: My Life - Bill Clinton - Posted: 12/18/2004 11:30:45 PM

That's next on my reading list.  I'm currently reading Hillary's autobiography.  Hers is kinda similar as far as people knowing other people and how she's connected and so forth. But to understand who she is, it's important to know the people she knows and how they influenced her and her involvement with them...if that sentence made any sense.  I've flipped through his book and I look foward to reading it.

I think you should stick it out.  Some of it's going to be boring because it's an autobiography and you are trying to understand and read about the life of another person.  I'm sure it will be worth it in the end.

I agree, I think he was an awesome president!  I hope you start enjoying it better.  After I start reading it, I'll let ya know what I thought too :)


Topic: What do You think?
Subject: What do You think? - Posted: 12/18/2004 11:35:35 PM

If you are in counseling and he's becoming more abusive, then he's not going to change.  It's not your fault that he entertains the thought of cheating on you.  Never think that.  It's his decision if he chooses to act on it, then he'll have to face the consequences that come. 

Get out of this before the abuse gets even worse than it already is.  I agree that you should proceed with the divorce quietly.  I have a friend in a similar situation and the main reason she cannot proceed is due to fear.  If you keep it quiet, then he will not know until you are long gone.

I wish you the best and please let us know how this goes.

By the way, are there children involved?


Topic: My Life - Bill Clinton
Subject: My Life - Bill Clinton - Posted: 12/19/2004 7:29:28 AM
I couldn't agree more.  Even in her childhood and college years, she dealt with a lot and has constantly been scrutinized for the decisions she has made and the things she has done.  I think she is outstanding.  She believes what she thinks is right and fights for what she feels is a worthy cause.  She stands behind what she says and fights until the end.  I'd love to see her as president someday.  Bill will be first man hahaha. 

Topic: i wanna exploit the situation
Subject: i wanna exploit the situation - Posted: 12/19/2004 7:46:12 AM

Don't blame yourself for him cheating on you.  He chose to cheat and he chose to lie.  There's a moment right before he cheats where he can sit back and decide...should I or should I not cheat and he chose to go for it.  Same with lies. 

I'm glad that you have a plan and I believe you should stick to it 110%.  He seems to be very manipulative and smart.  I say that because he has gotten you back on emotion and has turned this around and now you feel like it is your fault. 

Be careful in the next few weeks and months and guard yourself.  Be aware of what he's doing and ways he could manipulate you or the situation.

I think you are doing the best thing you could do.  Please keep us updated and I wish you the best.  I hope that everything works out and remember he lied not only once, but three times that you know of...no telling what else.  Keep that in mind and know that you are better than that and stronger!


Topic: What do You think?
Subject: What do You think? - Posted: 12/19/2004 9:27:09 AM
and good for you for being confident and able to take care of yourself!!!  Please keep us updated and we're all behind you 110%!

Topic: Bwwwhahahahaha
Subject: Bwwwhahahahaha - Posted: 12/19/2004 9:38:02 AM

Soooo...I hung out with a guy who stayed on his phone all night and kept walking outside to take calls...

Having learned a lesson on the last asshole...all I gotta say is..

Next please?


Topic: i wanna exploit the situation
Subject: i wanna exploit the situation - Posted: 12/19/2004 1:57:36 PM
winner wrote:

he actually cheated twice that i am aware of but iím pretty sure it was more....fucker.  itís kinda hard sometimes when i get angry and want to tell him i know, but i gotta keep the eye on the prize.  he is very manipulative...he lies to everyone friends and family and just for little things. i would tell him "wow you lie to everybody, i bet you lie to me too" heís all "i would never lie to you!" fuck you!

is he violent?....not to me but heís told me a story where he hit one of his exGF (that was High School).....but anyway as soon as i found out about the second girl i went to my insurance and changed the beneficiary to my life insurance.

i just want revenge....after all my years (almost half my life) of commitment and blind devotion and sacrifice. he made a fool of me and the life i lead...i thank God we do not have kids...he doesnít deserve to break my heart and break my uterus.....fucker.

not that i am a complete sucker, but to others and occasionally to me, he can be a decent guy. i would uses to say "everybody loves M****" he knows what people want to hear and what needs to be said.....fucker.

i want to plot exact revenge. i need all the conniving (sp?)minds out there to help me think.  remember not criminal just clever. i want to come out of this relationship shining, looking the better, brighter person.

he leaves jan.4th what can i do to fuck with him where he wonít know itís me just a run of really bad luck......fucker



Exactly!!  Please stay focused and your eye on the prize...a better life without him!  Usually if someone will lie to other people, you can't believe them when they say they'd never lie to you.  Think of yourself as you're the rule, not the exception.

The best revenge is to ignore him.  It will drive him crazy.  He wants a reaction and to get a rise out of you so just don't give it to him.  I believe that what goes around comes around and karma can be a bitch...but will be on your side.

This even annoys me.  I cannot stand a manipulative person that everyone just adores, but you see the true colors and know the opposite of what everyone else sees and says.

This is way off subject, but you say you're a nurse.  I work Oncology, what type of nursing do you do?

Good luck to you and continue with the updates!


Topic: Pregnant mother killed for baby
Subject: Pregnant mother killed for baby - Posted: 12/19/2004 3:09:56 PM

So, she faked a pregnancy, killed a woman, took her baby, and then was going to try and pass the baby off as her own???  Do I understand correctly?


Topic: Pregnant mother killed for baby
Subject: Pregnant mother killed for baby - Posted: 12/19/2004 4:03:56 PM

KM, no apologies.  You were clear.  Just wanted to make sure I understood :)

I'm in shock.  I cannot believe someone would do something so sick.  That sounds like something on a soap opera, not something you would hear about in real life. 


Topic: Bwwwhahahahaha
Subject: Bwwwhahahahaha - Posted: 12/19/2004 7:25:31 PM
Well, that would add another story to my date book from hell hahaha :)

Topic: Bwwwhahahahaha
Subject: Bwwwhahahahaha - Posted: 12/19/2004 8:05:15 PM

umm...where do these people come from that say stuff like that????

that is a good thread idea...

starting one right away!


Topic: Date from hell...
Subject: Date from hell... - Posted: 12/19/2004 8:06:20 PM

So what was your worst date or date from hell? or maybe dates from hell haha....

post away!


Topic: Who is admin of this site? Its can be deface if....
Subject: Who is admin of this site? Its can be deface if.... - Posted: 12/21/2004 6:52:16 PM
stefanee wrote:
agnostic wrote:
stefanee wrote:
huh?.... what the hell is this all about....


Stef, the first post under that from íjillí is in my name, but I didnt write it, at 9:04:55 I was on campus walking with my boss...


wow, holy macaroni,....

youíve been cloned.. lol.

what a shame, these people dont have anything better to do???   you have to get this fixed asap. 

 



an agnostic clone....

Not enough cold water in the world!


Topic: Date from hell...
Subject: Date from hell... - Posted: 12/21/2004 7:09:16 PM

Hmm..I don't think I've really had a date from Hell...ever since I started this thread, I've been searching through my brain.  I've had dates where I just wasn't into the guy and it didn't go anywhere...

There was the guy I call the Emerging Chest Hair guy b/c he wore a polo shirt unbuttoned all the way with a forest climbing out.  It was a blind date.  We went to a movie and I'm glad that I didn't have to talk to him because he bored me to tears on the way and on the way back.  He walked me upstairs to my apt against my request (I told him I could walk up steps alone,but thanks).  Then he tried to kiss me but got the door instead.  I woudln't let him come in because my very outspoken roommate at the time woudl laugh in his face...Not really a date from Hell, but a boring one.

I met a guy at the state governor's debate a few years ago.  I'm on the liberal side and he was ultra conservative which doens't bother me.  We all have different views.  He took me to dinner and pretty much bashed out the Democratic party all the way from Clinton back to like the 1200's (even though America wasn't here lol).  That annoyed me.

If I think of more random stuff, I"ll post it :)


Topic: Date from hell...
Subject: Date from hell... - Posted: 12/21/2004 7:13:36 PM

OOOO!!!  thought of another one!!! 

I think I went on a date with a guy who lived under a shelter his entire life.

Over dinner, he told me how he didn't want to marry a girl who wasn't a virgin.  Then proceeded to bash unmarried mothers and a lot of my friends are not married but have children.  Then told me that a woman's place is in the home and he didn't want his wife to work.  I still haven't figured out why he was talking about a wife when we were on our first and last date...

He also laughed hysterically at his own corny jokes and I mean CORNY. 

A homosexual couple was eating nearby holding hands and talking intimately and he felt the need to point them out.  Annoyed the hell out of me.

Anyway, that was pretty much the jist of the evening with him.  Listening to him judge everyone.


Topic: question for agnostic
Subject: question for agnostic - Posted: 12/21/2004 7:21:08 PM

You are awesome!!  You absolutely are admired by every woman on this site!  If only all men were as open and honest as you...

I appreciate all of your input and I'm sure I speak for everyone else too.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts in that post.

One day you will make some woman really lucky!!  I just hope she's good enough for you!


Topic: Hard to let go.........
Subject: Hard to let go......... - Posted: 12/21/2004 7:28:10 PM
amberbear wrote:
Why is it so hard to let go? I know that he is a liar, possibly a cheat, and continues to berate me. For what ever reason i still love him. I can not let go..............i dont know how to let go.........i am not even sure i want to. I know that sounds stupid. Let me explain. I dont want to let go because i am scared. I have a 5 year old and i know this is going to be hard for me and especially my little girl. once i leave there is no turning back. i know that i should not ev en want to go back but I love him. I am so confused.    


In my short 23 years of being alive and having what little experience that I have (I know I have a lot to learn still!), I think it's sometimes hard to let go because you become comfortable with a person.  They become a part of your life and daily routine.  You become used to talking to them everyday and seeing them, having their input and enjoying their company.  Then when things turn bad and they show their true colors, you wish you had been colorblind.  Yet still, it's hard to just tell yourself that the pros and cons are all the same person and it's much easier to accept the cons than let go.

I'm sure you are a very strong woman for having been through what you have gone through.  I am a firm believer that nothing is thrown our way that we cannot handle.  It may push you to the edge and have you hanging by a twig, but will not let you fall. 

Take your time and sort things out.  You know there is no turning back and sometimes that can be the best thing.  Take that rearview mirror off so you can't see what's behind you...only what's in front of you and your daughter.

Think about how you will feel a year from now if you walk away and dont' look back.  My guess is you will be happier and more carefree and ready to enjoy your own life and your daughter.

I hope that you feel better soon!


Topic: Why does a man...
Subject: Why does a man... - Posted: 12/21/2004 7:35:57 PM

I once heard a quote...I'm thinking maybe Joan Rivers???

Anyway, whoever it was said...

If a woman makes 20 or 30 mistakes, she's a tramp or something to that nature...

I guess I shoulda looked it up first haha...but you get the point..I liked the 20-30 mistakes part haha


Topic: question for agnostic
Subject: question for agnostic - Posted: 12/22/2004 8:48:05 AM
OHHH okay!  I thought I was missin out on something! haha

Topic: The Red Flag List: Warning Signs He/She is BAD NEWS
Subject: The Red Flag List: Warning Signs He/She is BAD NEWS - Posted: 12/22/2004 12:40:10 PM

Wow...that's really good...and very true.

I like the part at the beginning about people who can change do it on their own. 

I recently looked at all the men I have dated and saw a pattern for the first time in my life.  They all have some sort of fucked up emotional issue and I try to be there for them and all that crazy mess.

I quit doing that and since I have, I'm much happier but that article is absolutely true...people who sincerely want to change take a break and focus on themselves.

The red flags....damn....if I had only seen them when I started dating!!!


Topic: Fun Snow Pics
Subject: Fun Snow Pics - Posted: 12/22/2004 4:10:51 PM
Miss Priss wrote:

Itís snowing here in North Texas today.  Is it snowing where you are?



is that your son?  he's such a cutie!

we get snow every now and then in sc.  had a few flurries the other night but nohting stuck :(


Topic: pain of infedelity
Subject: pain of infedelity - Posted: 12/22/2004 7:41:38 PM

This whole thread is new since I last logged on and I just read the whole thing and I literally had tears in my eyes when I finished.  It just absolutely breaks my heart to read your story.  Words cannot even begin to describe it.

First of all, I haven't been completely in your shoes as far as the swinging goes, but I do share a similar experience.  The last guy I dated had married friends who were swingers.  I knew they were and if that's the lifestyle they chose, that's fine.  Well, as time progressed, they wanted to drag us into it.  I wasn't really interested in that sort of thing.  Here comes the fucked up story.

Well, one night after a lot of drinking, we were sitting around  at the guy's house.  The couple started up with the whole sex thing.  I'm so ashamed but anyway, my guy and I were having sex and he said...Do you want to switch and I specifically said..No way, I do not want that man and I do not want you to be with his wife.  I know I shouldn't have even been remotely close to being in that situation, but I was. 

Anyway, a few minutes later, I turned my head and saw him stick his dick in that man's wife.  I said nothing.  I did nothing.  I will NEVER EVER forget that image that will forever be in my head.  The husband came up to me and I said...No so he pulled back and told his wife no.  Next thing I know, my guy was coming back to me and his touch made me cringe.  It did nothing for me.

At that point, the couple left and I told him we were done.  I had left my car at a bar so I stayed at his house.  He kept apologizing over and over saying he got carried away and I said..I do not care, we are done.

The next day we had a huge fight.  Just last week, he called while I was out with friends and chewed me out over his own guilt.  Then he told me we needed a break..whatever, who cares?!  Monday night, he called and the guilt is eating him alive.  Good.  Shows he's half human.  I mean he's like your husband.  The guilt is almost literally killing him.  He doesn't know what to do with himself...and I'm still done.  I will not go back to him.  He chose to do it and now he faces life without me.

Sorry to bog your post down with my own story.  I just wanted you to know that I can somewhat relate.  I'm sure those pictures are forever engraved in your head just like I will always have that image.  It's hard to forget.

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you.  I think time is your best bet at the moment.  See if his words turn to action.  Mine was a boyfriend, yours is a committed marriage so there's a huge difference.  I'm at a loss of words.  Your post shocked me and broke my heart...partially because you have gone through such a horrible thing and partially because I remember how it felt to see him with another woman right in front of my face.

I also hope things work out for your daughter.  I cannot imagine how she must feel.  You two can lean on each other.  I'm guessing you have a close relationship since she confided in you.  You can be there for her and it can help to heal your pain.  I have found that when I help out a friend, it makes me feel better.  You have people in your life who love you and care for you.  We care about you on this site and we are always here.  Someone is logged on at all times. 

I'm sorry I have no advice to offer.  I'm really speechless.  But just know that I care and will be thinking of you.  I wish you the best and please please come here as often as you like.  This site is a safe haven for so many women including myself.  I come here and vent or respond to others and it's almost like a family here.  None of my friends or family know I come here, so it's a place to be honest about my thoughts and feelings and I hope it becomes the same for you..


Topic: Hard to let go.........
Subject: Hard to let go......... - Posted: 12/22/2004 7:46:57 PM

Agnostic needs to start a seminar and have men followers.


Topic: To Krismiss
Subject: To Krismiss - Posted: 12/24/2004 8:28:02 AM
Where is this story?

Topic: merry christmas to all....
Subject: merry christmas to all.... - Posted: 12/24/2004 12:41:26 PM
He'll have to take a cold shower again

Topic: One of those times when you REALLY need a man around
Subject: One of those times when you REALLY need a man around - Posted: 12/24/2004 9:05:34 PM

hahahaha!!!  evil elves. hahaha!!!

i bet your son will be so excited on cmas morning!!!  I love seein kids when they see the gifts under the tree.  my best friends little boy is 2 and he goes absolutely crazy over cmas. 

good luck with the batteries and assembling things and remember we do what we gotta do, man or no man! haha!

drink a few glasses of wine for me:)

Merry Christmas MP!


Topic: sites we love to hate
Subject: sites we love to hate - Posted: 12/24/2004 9:08:05 PM

what is that eroticy.com??

some random guy IMed me tonight on yahoo messenger and said he saw my profile on that and I am like..wtf i'm not on that site...never heard of it and he apologized and said bye...

just wondering


Topic: a little xmas carol for the betrayed women....
Subject: a little xmas carol for the betrayed women.... - Posted: 12/24/2004 9:13:47 PM

OMG!!!!

That is the funniest thing!!!  I am in the living room with my parents cracking up!!!  I just sang it for them and now that's going to be stuck in my head alllll weekend!!!

That was awesome!!!


Topic: Funny forum pics
Subject: Funny forum pics - Posted: 12/25/2004 9:08:20 AM

yeah..I have seen those on other forums that I go to but I never knew where they came from.

On some of the motorcycle forums, they'll post hot women or their g/fs, wives, or women post pics of themselves and they have all kinds of pics that say ..."I'd hit it" and all this funny stuff and different famous people with conversation bubbles above their heads..

Funny stuff haha.


Topic: Really Great Dates
Subject: Really Great Dates - Posted: 12/25/2004 9:15:30 AM

I'm so happy KrissMiss!!  I'm glad things are going well with the new man.  Hopefully he'll continue to be a "good boy" and not screw things up because if he does, he will suffer a huge loss!!!  You have offered so much kindess, support, and wonderful advice on this board and any man should consider himself the luckiest man in the world to have such a thoughtful, intelligent and caring woman in his life.

I have heard of people putting ads on the internet.  I have some friends on match.com that have met a ton of people.  I've heard of American Singles and then Yahoo personals.  I've never tried that though but thought about it just to meet people.  who knows.

Have a great CMas!


Topic: To Krismiss
Subject: To Krismiss - Posted: 12/25/2004 9:22:52 AM

OMG, I just read that story!  Fruitloop is a compliment for him.  Who calls themselves Peter Pan and says they aren't a suit??   He doesn't seem to be the brightest crayon in the box...but to each its own I suppose..


Topic: Now THATS IT!
Subject: Now THATS IT! - Posted: 12/26/2004 9:13:36 AM

He sounds like he's not too bright anyway to not delete the history after going to a site like that on Internet Explorer. 

It's also pathetic that he feels the need to have to LEARN to manipulate you.  And it's also pretty pathetic that he feels the need to manipulate you period.  Sounds like an insecurity and shortcoming on his part if he thinks you must be manipulated to fall for him. 

Dump him.  If you want to tell him why, then do so...but it'd catch him by surprise if you just dumped him without reason.  All he's going to do is start in with the exuses and bullshit anyway.  Tell him you just really don't feel....and then throw in a trance word that you use like the example said...comfortable.  Say, "I just don't feel comfortable with you..goodbye."

 


Topic: PIGGED OUT!
Subject: PIGGED OUT! - Posted: 12/27/2004 6:53:07 AM
misterrogers wrote:
KILL YOU DEMONIC FUCKERS!!!  LOL!  FOREVER IN HELL!


I'm not one to chime in on threads like this, but this is ridiculous.  If you can't handle what people say, whether you agree or not, then don't ask.

You don't know anyone on here and they don't know you which is why people can give honest OPINIONS and advice.  If you dont like KM's opinion, then ignore it instead of lashing out on everyone.


Topic: Worst DateS!!!!
Subject: Worst DateS!!!! - Posted: 12/27/2004 7:23:14 AM
misterrogers wrote:

angels =DEMONS!

Oh how you have fallen, star of morning

You who ruled the nations

You shall be cast down!



is that from the bible?

Topic: JESUS WILL KILL YOU ALL!
Subject: JESUS WILL KILL YOU ALL! - Posted: 12/28/2004 2:14:22 PM
I wanna be a fucker too!!!!!!!fellow fuckers!

Topic: feeling evil but need some help
Subject: feeling evil but need some help - Posted: 12/28/2004 2:17:35 PM

Why'd he do a stupid thing like that?

Does he think you'll be jealous of his hand?


Topic: I LOVED the movie
Subject: I LOVED the movie - Posted: 12/28/2004 2:21:01 PM

ooooooo I'm glad someone has seen it.  I want to see it so bad but haven't heard too much about it.  Leo does such a great job in all of his movies.  He's really talented. 

Super, I can't wait to see it.

What other movies have y'all seen that are really good?

I saw Lemony Sniketts series of unfortunate events hahaha...it was actually reallly really good too.


Topic: Why Men Should Not Marry
Subject: Why Men Should Not Marry - Posted: 12/29/2004 10:38:23 PM

Men should not marry so that there will be more happy women in the world...

 

(and I'm not referring to the rare men on this site! ;) )


Topic: lying, cheating military man...same old story..
Subject: lying, cheating military man...same old story.. - Posted: 12/29/2004 10:52:41 PM
madandhurt wrote:

 



Welcome to the site!  It's a great place to be and I became totally addicted in a short amount of time and the people here take you in like family, so please feel free to come anytime for advice or to vent or just chit chat...

I am in shock over your story.  I can only imagine how you must feel.  You loved this man and had no apparent reason to distrust him and he took that trust and manipulated and betrayed you. 

I'm also pissed off that he would use a war that's going on as an exuse to that he can go see that other woman.  People are over there fighting and dying.  Families here are missing their loved ones.  It disgusts me that this man would even lie about something like that.  That just shows you what kind of person he really is.

He has basically faked a relationship with you and manipulated the hell out of you.  There's nothing you really can do in my opinion.  You just have to accept it, face it, and move on.

Of course you want him to love you and it hurts that he obviously has proven otherwise, but you can't make him and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it.  I'd love to see a lot of people in pain, but reality is...you probably won't.  I'm a firm believer in karma and karma can be a bitch sometimes so he will get what's coming to him.  You may not be around to see it, but it will come.

Getting tested is a smart idea and I have done that several times.  I hope everything turns out okay.

I wish I had more that I could offer you to help.  Don't feel like an idiot for introducing him as your fiance.  That's what he was and you were stating the truth.  He's the one who is an idiot for manipulating you and using Iraq as an exuse which still makes me gag by the way. 

Better to find out now than later even though it hurts and it will hurt, but just know that we are here for you anytime.


Topic: Why do men lie and cheat?
Subject: Why do men lie and cheat? - Posted: 12/29/2004 10:59:25 PM
Tassia143 wrote:
Hey. I was thinking. What about the girls that know the man is taken and still wants to be with him. I mean the girl my EX cheated me with must have known there was someone else coz he always got home at bout 6am. Why would someoene want to go home just after 5 in the morning if someone is not waiting home????


Girls like that give us all a bad name.

In fact, the other night some friends and I were sittin around chatting in a bar and one of our guy friends was sitting down between us and got up to use the restroom.  While he was gone, a friend of a friend had came along and she mentioned he was attractive and I just said...yeah he is.

Well, she turned to another girl and said...I'm gonna fuck him tonight.  And she told this new girl that he had a g/f and she said...i don't care.

WTF???  Obviously there are girls out there who do not care enough about themselves to do this.  It's sad actually.


Topic: Why do men lie and cheat?
Subject: Why do men lie and cheat? - Posted: 12/29/2004 11:02:16 PM
kelly13 wrote:

Men cheat for all kinds of reasons.  I consider myself above-average in looks and sexual appetite.  Iím stylish, clean, a great cook, giving, funny, supportive.  I give great head.  Iím openminded.  But the fucker still cheated.  I wondered why too.  What I accept now is that not all men cheat.  It is the ones with low self-esteem that do it habitually, without conscience.  They need to be validated by other women that they are desirable, and it doesnít matter how she looks.  It is the payoff, sort of like how money feels when itís coming out of the ATM -- instant gratification.  This puts another notch in his belt puffing up his manhoodup briefly until he gets another fix.  Itís what makes him feel like a man and that heís smart.  I do believe it catches up with them, because at some point thereís no one there who they find truly desirable and who truly loves them back.  And if heís screwing women who arenít up to his "standards" of the past, he continues until he finds one who satisfies him on all levels. Then he gets scared of commitment and the whole cycle begins again! heheheeeee...itís like an illness.

Finally, they become miserable after a while or start screwing men, like my ex did...

and to the therapist they go...



Agreed.

Instant gratification.  Living in the moment and not thinking of future consquences or other people that their actions may hurt.  I'm sure men cheat for the same reason women sometimes do..just looking for something more in another person whereas if they had a good self esteem, they would already be fulfilled and able to maintain a stable and healthy relationship


Topic: 8 Easy Ways to Spot an Emotional Manipulator
Subject: 8 Easy Ways to Spot an Emotional Manipulator - Posted: 12/29/2004 11:15:17 PM

I checked out that heartless-bitches site b/c I saw you get a lot of your posts from there.  I enjoyed the site!  Lots of good info and fun stuff to read...


Topic: Survivor of Pure Hell!
Subject: Survivor of Pure Hell! - Posted: 12/29/2004 11:19:08 PM

Wow...what an inspiration!  I often feel sorry for myself and throw mini pity parties as you could probably see in some of my previous posts.  However, I have never been through what you have and I completely admire you for it.  You are truely an inspiration to me.

I read your post and reflected on the things I think about,worry about and waste my thoughts on and I realized that I am also a stronger person than I give myself credit for.

Thanks for sharing and I really appreciate your stregnth and hope that same thing for myself!


Topic: 8 months later...still haunted
Subject: 8 months later...still haunted - Posted: 12/29/2004 11:23:37 PM

My therapist suggested the thought stopping method with me also.  I have a mild diagnosis of PTSD from some things that happened a long time ago and the thought stopping really did help with the flashbacks, which is pretty much what you were having.

That's a great idea to do a search and try it.  It's really hard at first, but it helps.

I hope that you are able to take control of your thoughts and the things he engraved into your mind and overcome them...


Topic: Depression and adultry
Subject: Depression and adultry - Posted: 12/29/2004 11:30:31 PM

I caught something you said that makes me agree with the other members.  He said that she is the cure, answer, and so on for his unhappiness. Well, she's not medication and if he is suffering from depression, then a woman cannot fix a chemical imbalance unless she is writing out the prescription. 

Sounds to me like he's playing on your trust and emotions.  Just because someone is depressed is no reason to go around cheating and especially with a family member as close as a son's fiance.

Apparently he does have some sort of issues b/c his behavior is not normal, but it's no exuse. 

Over time, people change, for the better and worse and it sounds like he could be makin that change for the worst.

by the way, welcome to the site :)


Topic: Now THATS IT!
Subject: Now THATS IT! - Posted: 12/30/2004 11:31:45 PM
SDT wrote:

OK, officially dumped.

Thanks Lady! I used the "Comfortable" language.

Of course he denied going on the website. LMAO! Guess I must be walking around with a sign that says "NAIEVE" on my chest.

Hopefully the poor girl who dates him next will come to this site because Iím sure heíll never make that mistake again!



Good for you and just in time for the new year!!! 

An even bigger idiot than we thought....he denied even going to the dayum site...sounds like he's the naive one...jeez.

And you're right....POOR girl who dates him next.  I already feel sorry for her.

Have a happy new year!


Topic: Good Gosh...
Subject: Good Gosh... - Posted: 12/30/2004 11:34:25 PM
stefanee wrote:
agnostic wrote:
It was an actual bicycle.


oh wow,

okay.  i was starting to get second thoughts about getting my ninja.  i guess no matter what kind of bike you are on you always have to be extra cautious.

i just thank god that you are alive and well  !!!!



you startin on a 250?

you'll move up pretty fast..ever test drove a cbr?  they're pretty good beginner bikes too....

i like the dirtbikin and atv stuff b/c i like goin offroad.

I like to be on a streetbike only if i'm goin fast and around twistys

woohoooooo


Topic: Survivor of Pure Hell!
Subject: Survivor of Pure Hell! - Posted: 12/31/2004 9:12:59 AM
df1919 wrote:
  What helped me through all of this is to remember that the bad things that happen to you do not make up who you are.  Yes you learn from the situations and are more cautious but, do not let them mold you into a person you donít want to be.  Just because one person has violated your trust does not mean that everyone in this world is bad. 


I just cannot stay away from this thread.  I read your story over and over and I just read it again.

I love this part about not letting the bad things that happen to you make who you are and not allowing them to mold you into someone you do not want to be. 


Topic: Happy New Year Wishes
Subject: Happy New Year Wishes - Posted: 1/1/2005 11:36:56 PM

MP-thanks for the nice post!!  I went to a party, got too drunk and obnoxious but hangover free because I stuck to beer and shots instead of mixing beer and liquor haha.  That always gets me in trouble....Anyway, I had a great night and a wonderful 1st day of the new year!  Now life can get back to normal after all these holidays...

Harley-I'm so sorry your husband acted like such a jerk.  Are you two going through a divorce?

I hope everyone else has a happy happy new year!


Topic: Advice For Agnostic
Subject: Advice For Agnostic - Posted: 1/1/2005 11:48:19 PM
Krismiss....Please don't leave

Topic: Happy New Year Wishes
Subject: Happy New Year Wishes - Posted: 1/2/2005 1:16:14 PM
Harley wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:

MP-thanks for the nice post!!  I went to a party, got too drunk and obnoxious but hangover free because I stuck to beer and shots instead of mixing beer and liquor haha.  That always gets me in trouble....Anyway, I had a great night and a wonderful 1st day of the new year!  Now life can get back to normal after all these holidays...

Harley-Iím so sorry your husband acted like such a jerk.  Are you two going through a divorce?

I hope everyone else has a happy happy new year!



Weíre living apart yes...filed for divorce not yet...he says he canít afford it but doesnít want one anyhow.

He actually told our friends yesterday that everything was fine between us...that weíre doing good..OMG!



Sounds like he's got some serious issues from your posts.  Delusional...denial...whatever you want to call it. 

Topic: Question time
Subject: Question time - Posted: 1/2/2005 7:21:38 PM
So...if I'm seeing a guy that I'm really into but we can both date other people and I think he is but I'm not b/c there's no one else I'm into right now...how do I handle it and what do I do?  I want to date around also, but no one else is asking me out at the moment LOL.  I don't want to be jealous and wonder about where he is or why he didn't invite me somewhere...How do I deal so that I don't become jealous?

Topic: In Spite Of
Subject: In Spite Of - Posted: 1/2/2005 7:31:28 PM

I hate that you are having such a hard time.  It just doesn't seem fair that such a caring person has to go through all of this.  I really hope things start to look up for you in this upcoming year. 

I don't mean this offensive or to personal, but do you really have OCD?  The reason I asked is because I am on medication and mine is controlled.  It used to be really really bad but not so much anymore...Just wondering...


Topic: In Spite Of
Subject: In Spite Of - Posted: 1/2/2005 10:31:10 PM
Miss Priss wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:

I hate that you are having such a hard time.  It just doesnít seem fair that such a caring person has to go through all of this.  I really hope things start to look up for you in this upcoming year. 

I donít mean this offensive or to personal, but do you really have OCD?  The reason I asked is because I am on medication and mine is controlled.  It used to be really really bad but not so much anymore...Just wondering...



Not too personal, and certainly not offensive.  Iíve been diagnosed with mild OCD, and it can seem to get out of control sometimes.  I am on medication, and it has been helping until recently, recently like this weekend.  My dosage was altered about 30 days ago and I am thinking itís time to talk to the doc about altering it again.  This weekend Iíve had real problems with it, mostly obsessing over the failed relationship again.

 

 



I think the hardest thing is the obsession and not so much the compulsions.  I also go back to the obsessive thoughts many times.  I completely understand how you feel.  It can become a roadblock in recovery and healing from this relationship.  Try your hardest not to let it.  Let it be a stepping stone instead of stumbling block in your path.

There are times I also have a bad day or weekend with the OCD and constantly obsess and go over things time and time again in my head, but the compulsions are mostly controlled.  Every now and then I'll get the urge and start counting things or arranging stuff in my house.  I'll keep checking something 20 times before I realize it's not going to change.

Hang in there, but I def. understand how hard it is to deal with relationships and everyday circumstances when you are OCD.

 


Topic: Strip Tease..
Subject: Strip Tease.. - Posted: 1/3/2005 2:26:26 PM
Has anyone heard of these workouts?  I know Carmen Electra has a series of videos of strip tease aerobics.  I think I wanna invest.  Anyone else tried it?

Topic: to all my fellow mofos....
Subject: to all my fellow mofos.... - Posted: 1/3/2005 2:36:29 PM

Same to you and everyone else! :)

I declare this year as the year of the Mofo's...


Topic: Strip Tease..
Subject: Strip Tease.. - Posted: 1/3/2005 2:39:12 PM

Good luck MP on your running and diet.  I know that it will help you to feel better and give more confidence :)

I wanted to try something new so I figured this little strip tease workout can give my non coordinated self a few laughs too because I always run or play basketball...this outta be interesting LOL


Topic: GO TO HELL FUCKERS!
Subject: GO TO HELL FUCKERS! - Posted: 1/3/2005 10:53:44 PM
agnostic wrote:
misterrogers wrote:
FU


Everybody was kung-FU fighting...

Man those kats was fast as lightening....



Thanks man...

now that song is stuck in my head

LOL


Topic: Strip Tease..
Subject: Strip Tease.. - Posted: 1/3/2005 11:00:43 PM
agnostic wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:
Has anyone heard of these workouts?  I know Carmen Electra has a series of videos of strip tease aerobics.  I think I wanna invest.  Anyone else tried it?


Is this an actual aerobic type of exercise program? If so it may be worth while...for more than aerobic reasons.


hahaha yeah!  i saw carmen when she was on oprah one time and actually showing oprah and some audience members some moves.  it's kinda like pilates as far as learning control and muscle tone and then teaches you a routine.  it looks more fun than anything else...

i'll use it when i find a man lucky enough! bwwwahahaha!


Topic: Feeling A Lil Freaked Out!! Possibly Need Help
Subject: Feeling A Lil Freaked Out!! Possibly Need Help - Posted: 1/3/2005 11:07:24 PM

This is kinda off topic from the point of this thread, but kinda related...

This thread made me think of how our ex's still haunt our memories and dreams.  It amazes me at how much power one person can have over thoughts and actions.  To think that the person you once loved and who loved you back is now the most repulsive person in your life is just a strange thought to sit and think about.  Anyway, I don't even know why I thought of that from this thread, but thought I'd throw that out there.

How have y'all gotten rid of the haunting memories/dreams?


Topic: Strip Tease..
Subject: Strip Tease.. - Posted: 1/4/2005 1:44:19 AM
dazedstare wrote:

Has anyone here taken a spinning class??? Let me know how that works...how intense is it....?



what's that?

Topic: MISS Perfect? Has Been Banned, You Have
Subject: MISS Perfect? Has Been Banned, You Have - Posted: 1/4/2005 9:00:52 AM
Angelnomore wrote:

Here is a great read ~ "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov.  The subtitle is "From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Womanís Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship".

Chattel?  NO.  Bitch?  Yes.



OMG...I love that book!!!  I read it b/c I had ordered He's Just Not That Into you off of amazon.com and that book came up as a suggestion so I read it later.  that book is awesome!!!  It just kinda puts things into perspective. 

I have a lot of work to do to be the bitch and not the nice girl!!!!

 

What'd you think?


Topic: Strip Tease..
Subject: Strip Tease.. - Posted: 1/4/2005 9:04:11 AM
agnostic wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:
dazedstare wrote:

Has anyone here taken a spinning class??? Let me know how that works...how intense is it....?



whatís that?


Spinning is essentially riding various types of stationary bicycles. It incorportates aerobic and leg muscle exercise all at once. I used to have a device that attached to the rear wheel of my mountain bike, it accomplishes the same goal, only I can do it at home. It satisfies similar exercise found in jogging, only it is very low impact, I actually recommend against jogging, as it impacts the knee joints consatnly, over time. I have a cousin, 40, extremely fit, but a year ago she had to have arthroscopy on each knee...no more running ever. Over time, running/jogging will do this, no one is immune. Go ride a bike! Spinning is so low on impact. It will make your legs look like that of female ice skaters, or tennis players...its yummy lookiní...


Ok..so maybe I was a little too tired when I posted but for some reason I had pictured someone spinning in circles for exercise

I can't believe I've never heard of that.  I have now,but I guess just didn't know it was called spinning. lol.

Agnostic...you mountain bike?  ME TOO!!!!  I just got a new hardrock women's a few months ago.  I love biking and the outdoors!


Topic: Question time
Subject: Question time - Posted: 1/5/2005 9:17:14 PM

awww!!!  i love cats!!!  I can't have one in the apt i'm living in right now.  as soon as i move out of here, i want a million kittens!!  they're too cute!!!

no worries about the topic changing to cats...haha.

i'm tryin to get out there and meet other men besides the asshole i've been dealin with for a while and i found at least one but just wondered how to deal with the jealousy until i find more :) bwwwhahaha!


Topic: Hmmm...
Subject: Hmmm... - Posted: 1/5/2005 9:20:56 PM

k..sorry to be personal here for a sec...

the first day of my last period was Oct.17.  i havenít had one since.  for a while around the time my period was supposed to start, i cramped, had the blahs and all that stuff but it never started.  i took a pregnancy test the first week of december and it was negative...but still no period and no signs of one.


Topic: SHAVE WHAT ! ! !
Subject: SHAVE WHAT ! ! ! - Posted: 1/5/2005 9:23:02 PM

if you can stand the waxing...then go for it.

if not, trim first, then shave.  less messy and gets the job done quicker.  i think they make a nair type stuff for the genital area, but i dont know what it's called.  def. use a shaving cream though and lotion after.


Topic: YaYa Sisters
Subject: YaYa Sisters - Posted: 1/5/2005 9:25:31 PM
too cute!!!  you always post the neatest and cutest stuff!

Topic: just a question
Subject: just a question - Posted: 1/6/2005 6:36:11 AM

Does he even know she goes to this site?  I keep it a secret that I come here because I do vent so much and talk about personal things I deal with that I just don't tell anyone I go here especially the asshole I vent about :)

And I have to agree with Agnostic. The behavior is likely to come back.  There are always patterns and you can find them if you look hard enough and sometimes you barely have to look at all and you see them.  I know this b/c I see patterns in my situation and I'll be out 110% one day...just a matter of time.

I hope your friend gets this fixed :)


Topic: Raidergirl...Deedee
Subject: Raidergirl...Deedee - Posted: 1/6/2005 6:38:51 AM
what's happening here?

Topic: Bitterness
Subject: Bitterness - Posted: 1/6/2005 9:16:16 AM

Alright, he fed me the lines again and actually mentioned us moving in together and all sorts of bullshit that Iím not even going to waste time or yours in posting.  I had my doubts, but heard him out.

After hearing him out, and then him doing God knows what with God knows who last night and staying out all night again...and reading Heís Just Not That Into You..AGAIN and this time I applied it to myself instead of him.  The first time I read it I applied it to him, but this time I chose to apply it to me and all men that may cross my path and not just him.  Anyway, after all of that and reading his yahoo away message this morning that says...Dreaming of a Georgia Peach...which means that heís not at work today AGAIN.  If you have Yahoo, then you know that everyone can see your away message and thereís no checking to it.  Itís out there so he has no shame in me seeing it.

Anyway, so after all of that, Iím choosing to walk away.  Itís going to be the hardest thing I have done so far in this relationship.  I have told him before, weíre done! and I have told him that itís over a million times.  But this time, I"m not telling him anything.  Iím just going to walk away.  Actions will speak louder than words.  If I tell him Iím walking away, heíll talk me into staying and start with the bullshit.  This man knows women and knows what to say to each one of them to get them to say in his life.  Iím 23 and I am barely beginning to step out and live my life and I donít need to start it this way.  He knows women and I know him by now.  I know what heíll try to say to get me to stay and I know about how long itís going to take for him to contact me again.  Patterns.  Itís all about patterns.  Anyway, thanks for all the encouragement and advice and I think Iím making the right choice.

A friend of mine did this when she left her husband.  After enough bullshit and leaving and coming back, she finally made up her mind, left for work one day, and never came back and hasnít talked to him since except through divorce lawyers.

So, my choice is to silently walk away instead of making a discussion out of it.


Topic: Amber Frey on Opray
Subject: Amber Frey on Opray - Posted: 1/6/2005 2:39:23 PM

I watched it.  I haven't seen her interviews with Matt but I saw when she was on Oprah. 

For a while, I jsut thought there was something strange about that situation.  It's like she doens't know or has been trained on how to answer questions, but I'm sure she's under a lot of legal stuff so they may train her on how to answer.

I felt bad for her story.  She seemed to have absolutely no idea!!!  What got me was the tapes of her conversations with Scott.  That man is a sociopathic freak!!! 


Topic: Hmmm...
Subject: Hmmm... - Posted: 1/6/2005 2:42:26 PM
I have an appt with the gyno for later this month so of course they'll ask when was my last period yada yada and I'm also going to go ahead and get tested b/c i know this relationship I'm struggling to get out of isn't the purest on his side...so I'll just get it all over at once.  I hope to God I am not pregnant.  Until then, I'm not going to think about it.

Topic: I seem to have struck a nerve
Subject: I seem to have struck a nerve - Posted: 1/8/2005 7:44:42 AM
shattered4good wrote:

http://www.network54.com/Forum/thread?forumid=197189&messageid=1105137471&lp=1105137471

 



Oh please. Don't even think twice about it.  You are very supportive of everyone here.  That's why I don't go to the Ihatemen.  There are funny jokes and things like that, but c'mon, that's a little ridiculous.

From me to you: 


Topic: Strip Tease..
Subject: Strip Tease.. - Posted: 1/8/2005 7:46:57 AM
willmakehimregretit wrote:
Lady 1981:  Out of curiosity of the subjest I asked my hubby what he thought of it, Strip Tease.... and he thought it would be pretty kewl to take lessons not only to get fit, but to also "show" him a few things. Hee hee. Although doing it in proper shoes I think is the smart way to go.. but those 6" heels I see the strippers dancing in, umm, no way I wouldnít risk it ...lol..Iíd be too affraid breaking my ankle. My hubby mentioned tho, that he wouldnít mind me doing something like what Jamie Lee Curtis did in the movie True Lies. Private and between us is just fine with me. So with all this being said, if you think youíll enjoy it, go for it, may turn out to be fun, and your man can "enjoy" too..


I just got all the DVD's in the mail today so the workouts start soon! 

And by the way....I'm doing no such performance until I find a man worthy of it...This may take a while hahaha!!


Topic: Found a lump?????
Subject: Found a lump????? - Posted: 1/8/2005 7:50:34 AM

If it's almost time for your period, than can cause lumps and things like that and will go away once you start.

A lot of clinics offer free breast cancer screenings so you should def. check into that.  Your health is nothing to mess around with so I would def. try to look up a free clinic or your state health dept.


Topic: a prayer
Subject: a prayer - Posted: 1/8/2005 11:40:20 AM

I loved reading your posts Audii.  My grandmother was the same way.  She lost her glasses a few times a day and never could find her keys in her pocketbook, but could tell the most amazing stories from the Great Depression and so forth.

While we're on the topic of elders telling stories and having so much wisdom, that's another reason I have to brag about this site!  I really honestly listen to you all when you give advice or tell stories to me or other women and men.  I'm 23 and really listen to you all who are older than me.  None of you are elders by any means, but you carry more experience than me whether you are 25 or 95.  I listen. 

Anyway, off my little bragging box...I agree that this is the calm before the storm.  I'm not like a deeply religious person, but my family is and they always talk about the end times and things like that.  It really is scary.  I'm also more of take care of our own people before we worry about the rest of the world.  We're the richest country in the world and can't even take care of our old folks and give them medical coverage.  But this natural disaster has me thinking.  We have to take care of each other.

 


Topic: its kinda funny
Subject: its kinda funny - Posted: 1/8/2005 11:43:40 AM
agnostic wrote:
Audii wrote:
lol...yeah the swing has kept us busy..but really i was away for the last week --got taken away to Las Vegas and i shall say it was wonderful the ppl, the casino ( i LOVE the casino, not sure if its b/c i love to loose so i can play again of if its b/c i love to win to play again....either way its fun...and i came out a winner ---so it was great, the hotel was so nice we stayed at the Venetian resort -not sure if any one has every been there, but if u havnít its worth every penny....happy to hear u missed me....or should i say noticed i was not around :) wink **


Cool, I went with a buddy to Vegas in August, we stayed at Circus Circus. That place is Chaos! I had never been there, so it was a whole new thing. I gotta go back! I didnt gamble once while there, The sights and sounds were enough. Besides, if I wanted to gamble, Iíd have better odds at Wendover, on the Utah-Nevada border. Iím glad you went!

VIVA LAS VEGAS!!!



OMG LOLOLOL...that little las vegas smiley made me choke on my drink for a second there! LOL

Topic: Strip Tease..
Subject: Strip Tease.. - Posted: 1/8/2005 1:11:28 PM

Alright ladies!!!  Order up!!!  Men..order them for your wives, g/fs, whoever.

This is the most fun workout I've ever done in my frickin life!!  I have been workin out alllll morning!!!!  It's soo much fun plus makes ya feel sexy ;)

www.aerobicstriptease.com


Topic: I really need advice baaad about
Subject: I really need advice baaad about - Posted: 1/8/2005 1:38:05 PM
ilenen wrote:

Hi --

Iím currently seeing a man who has a really crazy past relationship history -- all of which happened before me. He recently told me that the reason he broke up with his ex-wife was because -- well, the impetus -- was because he had an affair while she was 7 months pregnant and then told her. He said that it was a passive aggressive move in what was a terrible marriage -- and the pregancy was a mistake. He is very reputable professionally and told me this upfront, thereby taking a risk to tell this story to me so early on.

But it concerns me. I think it shows that he can be cruel. I know that people make mistakes but should I avoid this guy entirely or give him a chance... so far heís been pretty kind to me... a little jealous sometimes but pretty kind. Should I continue this relationship? Please help... Thanks so much!!



This is a tough one and can go several ways.

One thing is you can't really hold what has happened before you against him because it was before you. But at the same time, there are patterns within us all that either make or break relationships. 

The positive side is that he was upfront and honest with you and took that risk of you walking away.  He realizes his mistakes, but is he willing to change them in the future?

The other side wants me to tell you to just stay away.  I'm concerned because he's a little jealous already.  Not a good sign.  Probably due to his own insecurities from his cheating past.  I also want to say don't be too excited about his upfront honesty.  Could be part of a game to make you think he's honest with you and that he's trying to start fresh with you so he can go out and do the same thing to you.

I feel bad for being so negative, but this just seems like it could be a lot more drama than it's actually worth.  All in all, I think only time will tell.

So my advice to you is take the pros and cons of all sides of the situation and let time be your guide.  Keep your guard up and emotions intact and be aware of what is going on.


Topic: I really need advice baaad about
Subject: I really need advice baaad about - Posted: 1/8/2005 1:40:35 PM
ilenen wrote:

Thanks so much LittleMiss... that was great advice. You basically confirmed what Iíve been thinking all along... Itís just so difficult not to get to wrapped up in this guy and maintain the proper degree of perspective.

Thanks again for such thoughtful, good advice.

Cheers!



Well if you have been thinking this all along, then you have your answer.  If you are ever in doubt, then just don't.  Avoid the situation and heartache all together. 

Topic: Jennifer Anniston and Brad Pitt split
Subject: Jennifer Anniston and Brad Pitt split - Posted: 1/8/2005 1:42:11 PM

I guess it goes to show you need a lot more than fame and fortune and all that stuff to have a successful relationship.

I was kinda sad b/c I thought they always looked cute and happy.

However....I always knew Brad would come back LOL..J/K of course :)  wishful thinking....hahaha


Topic: I miss Krismiss! :(
Subject: I miss Krismiss! :( - Posted: 1/8/2005 1:43:26 PM
Has anyone heard from her?  Is she coming back soon?  the site just isn't the same without her!

Topic: Just a suggestion LMM
Subject: Just a suggestion LMM - Posted: 1/8/2005 1:45:06 PM

we have shirts?

This is awesome.

Merry late christmas to me


Topic: Desperate Housewives-Coming Up Soon!
Subject: Desperate Housewives-Coming Up Soon! - Posted: 1/9/2005 6:11:50 PM
I started watching after y'all talking about it a few weeks ago and I am totally hooked!  I'm counting down! :)

Topic: is it offensive to yall...
Subject: is it offensive to yall... - Posted: 1/9/2005 7:50:49 PM
if a guy (or girl) you dont' really know calls you babe, sexy, and things like that?  i think it's annoying, but just wondering if maybe i'm stuck in the southern ways (hence the y'all in the topic haha).  i'll have random people IM me on the computer or guys i hardly know say...hey sexy, bye sexy, blah blah blah and i was just wonderin what y'all thought.

Topic: Bitterness
Subject: Bitterness - Posted: 1/9/2005 9:28:15 PM

Just so you know...you all rock...but of course you already knew that :)

I have been writing like crazy in a notebook I bought.  My latest was I hate you because and every sentence has started with that and then followed by a reason that I hate him.

This journal writing is really helping.  If I start to hurt, feel anger, or have an urge to check up on him or wonder what he's doing, I write.  It's really sorting out my thoughts and putting things into perspective.  After I write, I read and then come back later and read again and realize what I have been allowing myself to go through and it makes it easier to keep losing interest in him and turning away. 

I wish it were as simple as erasing him out of my memory and past (and present at times) with a magic eraser but it's not.  I have really been looking within myself to find that inner stregnth that I know is deep in there somewhere.  His most recent rant was accusing me of not caring about anything but going out and getting fucked up with my friends.  So what?  We go out for drinks but are no where near being drunk and ridiculous every night. 

I've busied myself and started the strip tease workouts haha, which actually give a massive boost of confidence.  I've been going out with friends and actually met a nice guy Friday night...but to my luck, he had to catch a flight back to Chicago the next day, which is where he lives, but we exchanged email addresses. 

Anyway, I'm getting through it one day at a time.  It's slow but daily I can feel myself healing a little bit at a time. 

Before I know it.....he'll be 110%

 


Topic: Name?
Subject: Name? - Posted: 1/11/2005 9:12:02 PM

Lady b/c that's how I want to be treated and 1981 is the year I was born.


Topic: Other sites. I just dont know....
Subject: Other sites. I just dont know.... - Posted: 1/11/2005 9:17:26 PM
Averily wrote:

A lot of people say this place is hateful. I donít see how....

It seems so calm and nice. Unlike some of the other Man hating places Iíve been too.  The guys here seem "unarcissitic".. thatís always good. defintely.



It is very calm and nice.  I love this place.  In fact, I love it so much that I want to tell all of my friends about it, but I don't.  No one knows I come here.  I like to have somewhere to go where I can say what I think and feel and get objective opinions.  You get to know people on here and when people say they care, it's sincere.

Topic: Isotopic Decay of Nuclear Batteries and Diffusion ratios
Subject: Isotopic Decay of Nuclear Batteries and Diffusion ratios - Posted: 1/15/2005 10:26:40 PM
agnostic wrote:
Wire wrote:
Going about 3 days without relieving oneself will cause the most..."explosive" shots, although perhaps a weak orgasm.  Contrary to popular belief, the male orgasm is most powerful when it is least likely to happen, such as soon after a previous one. 


Okay. Iíll refrain. I have had that happen on rare occasion, A second more powerful eruption soon after..."although perhaps a weak orgasm...What do you mean? Once again I appear to be missing something?


Agreed......If a guy refrains from jackin it or messing around, the load is bigger...

Topic: Found a lump?????
Subject: Found a lump????? - Posted: 1/15/2005 10:28:52 PM
willmakehimregretit wrote:
Just to Update!Like LMM said fiberous tissue, a cyst, nothing to worry about they said Y-ay!!They said it should go away on its own. Thanks for the advice though guys....Glad to know yaíll are here....


Ohh!!  Wonderful!!  I"m so glad to hear the good news.  I was thinkin about you the other day and I'm so glad it's nothing serious!

Topic: To the nuthouse you must go!
Subject: To the nuthouse you must go! - Posted: 1/15/2005 10:40:01 PM
I'm confused.  This is crazy. 

Topic: Its picture time!!! :)
Subject: Its picture time!!! :) - Posted: 1/15/2005 10:57:14 PM

 

I'm on the left in both pics :)


Topic: Online Predators - Online Scum
Subject: Online Predators - Online Scum - Posted: 1/16/2005 1:57:09 PM

I have been gone from the site for a few days so I'm still playing catch up on everyone, so I just now went through this thread.  First of all, welcome to the site:)

Now..this story blows my mind.  My jaw dropped every few sentences.  I think that the hardest thing is to not have the answers.  I can't stand to have a relationship end without closure to my satisfaction and I know it hurts to be left wondering.  This story is also very suspicious.  Things with your friend just aren't adding up.

However, what I think it all boils down to is that he just didn't want to be with you bad enough.  He freaked out on you because you simply asked questions about  meeting his family, which seems normal to me.  You want to know every part of a person you are in love with.  You want no part of their life left untouched.  It's frustrating to not have answers and to be left in the wind so to speak.  However, he was probably long gone even before he disappeared on you.  The good news is that he is gone.  It may not seem like it now, but think in the long run.  He proved what type of person he really is early on and consider yourself lucky for not having to deal with this asshole any longer. 

Don't waste any more of your time trying to figure this man out.  Obviously he has some deep issues that you can't solve.  Also, don't blame yourself.  It's not your fault he's emotionally and relationship challenged.  He also is a very weak person to not be able to tell you he was leaving and do you really want someone that weak in your life?

I agree with the mantras KM suggested.  I often do them and it really helps you to regain control of your own thoughts and feelings and when you do them enough, they stick with you. 

 


Topic: Online Predators - Online Scum
Subject: Online Predators - Online Scum - Posted: 1/16/2005 6:52:17 PM
shattered4good wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:

I think that the hardest thing is to not have the answers.  I canít stand to have a relationship end without closure to my satisfaction and I know it hurts to be left wondering.  This story is also very suspicious.  Things with your friend just arenít adding up.

However, what I think it all boils down to is that he just didnít want to be with you bad enough.  He freaked out on you because you simply asked questions about  meeting his family, which seems normal to me.  You want to know every part of a person you are in love with. 



sorry Lady to disagree.

Yes, he probably didnít want to be with her bad enough - BUT to walk away without a trace & do what he did? Thatís not normal.  He wasnít just withholding information he was ACTIVELY hiding it.

I saw speaker once who said what 3 words to people use to manipulate others the most?  "I LOVE YOU."

Think Scott Peterson here Lady.  Maybe this guy wasnít a killer but he was psycho.  Normal men donít act that way.  They break up with you, make you angry, even argue with you - they donít do what this guy did.  Sorry.



No need to apologize :) 

He's obviously got something wrong with him to leave a wonderful woman like he did


Topic: Orgasms....
Subject: Orgasms.... - Posted: 1/16/2005 7:46:58 PM

in your sleep????

Possible?


Topic: Orgasms....
Subject: Orgasms.... - Posted: 1/17/2005 11:06:15 AM

Ok...

The reason I asked is b/c my best friend and I were having this conversation about how sometimes we wake up feeling relieved like you do after sex....then we began to wonder if you can have o's in your sleep. hahahaha...we have strange conversations...


Topic: Its picture time!!! :)
Subject: Its picture time!!! :) - Posted: 1/17/2005 11:14:11 AM

I agree...

Looking at everyone's pics...I realized that everyone on this site is absolutely beautiful and that I don't think I spelled that right haha.  Anyway, it's so great to put faces with names.  We are the manhatin hot women (and rare men) site! All of us are way too attractive to be puttin up with the men (and women) that we have put up with!!!


Topic: Unique Statements
Subject: Unique Statements - Posted: 1/20/2005 3:11:17 AM

I just realized there was a chat room on here.....

This just made my day


Topic: How could he do it??????????????????
Subject: How could he do it?????????????????? - Posted: 1/20/2005 3:20:58 AM
Tassia143 wrote:
I posted a few topics in the past pondering if my guy was cheating and if he did leave me for someone else. Well he has. The bastard. She has just came out of the closset and I am so mad and feel so hurt. How do I go on??? I keep on seeing them in my mind and I still love him. I need help fast. I want revenge but know it is not worth it. I still see him everyday coz he takes me to work and we have a son 2gether who visits him on weekends. How can he leave me for her, stop loving me and go to her?????????? I cant believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am devastated


Oh my goodness.  I am so sorry that you are going through this.  My heart goes out to you.  You said that she came out, so it's definately true or could she be lying or making things up?  However, you seem certain that he has left you for her.  I'll tell you how you go on.  You go on by loving your son and taking care of him.  Remember that you got the best part of your guy and that's in your son.  Other than that, you have no use for him.  In my opinion, revenge isn't worth it.  It will only make you angrier and upset.  I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around and karma can be a bitch. 

As far as you seeing them in your mind, you can try thought stopping.  I know it has been mentioned in other threads and I do it quite often because I suffer from minor PTSD from some things a few years ago.  My therapist suggested the thought stopping.  When you see the image in your head, stop it and replace it with something else.  It doens't necessarily have to be logical.  For example, if you see them in your head, then stop the thought of them being together and picture her leaving him or knockin him upside the head or her falling on her ass.  Anything to stop those thoughts. 

How can he leave you for her?  Because he's obviously not the brightest crayon in the box.  You seem like a wonderful woman and don't try and compare yourself to this other woman. 

Try and hold your head high.  I'm here if you need to talk, vent, or anything!  I wish you the best.


Topic: Crash and Burn
Subject: Crash and Burn - Posted: 1/20/2005 3:27:42 AM

Harley..Just to be honest, I am at a complete loss of words. I'm fairly new to the site and am still getting to know different members and their stories.  However, I didn't want to not respond at all to your post.  I don't know how it feels to struggle the way you are right now.  You and some of the other members have really put things into perspective for me because I whine and bitch about things that are so minor compared to what you and some of the others have gone through and are going through.  I can only offer words of encouragement to you.  Your jokes and inspirational types of threads are fun to read.  I enjoy them.  You offer advice and reach out to anyone in need and your life is completely worth it.  Remember that when you are at the bottom, the only way to look is up.  I hope tomorrow is a better day.


Topic: Are there any real men left out there???????
Subject: Are there any real men left out there??????? - Posted: 1/20/2005 3:34:30 AM

There is nothing wrong with you so don't blame yourself. 

It has happened to you twice and probably won't be the last.  I hate saying that but I say it about myself too.  Not the first time and not the last.

But don't let it discourage you.  Chin up woman!  My friends and I joke around and say that all the good men are too busy dating each other (except the rare men on this site). 

I don't know how into movies you are but in Sweet Home Alabama, the guy said..."What is it with you southern girls?  You seem to make all the wrong decisions before making the right ones."  Don't have to be southern for that to apply.   A lot of times we have to go through all the wrong ones to find the right ones.

Take your time and don't rush back out there onto the dating scene.  Allow yourself time to heal and refocus on yourself and what you want.


Topic: Trying to date again...I think I bombed!!
Subject: Trying to date again...I think I bombed!! - Posted: 1/26/2005 4:31:33 PM

I def. 110% and then some agree that you should pick up a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You."  Another good one is "Date Like a Man". 

I don't feel that you have done anything wrong.  He knows you had an interest and if he were just as interested, he'd make time.  It doesn't take that long to respond to an email.  It's not that hard to grab your cell phone and give someone a call on your way to a meeting or work or whatever has kept you so busy.  Do you really want someone like that in your life?  I didn't think so.  None of us do.  We want someone to care for us and about what we are interested in and want and he obviously doesn't.

Keep right on going...Next man please!!!!


Topic: What do you admire about the opposite sex?
Subject: What do you admire about the opposite sex? - Posted: 1/26/2005 4:34:46 PM
hellhathnofury wrote:
they can go to the toilet standing up!!


That is pretty impressive come to think of it

Topic: Things About Men
Subject: Things About Men - Posted: 1/26/2005 7:05:59 PM
I love it!!!  I'm going to copy and paste it and send in an email to some friends.  You always post the funniest and neatest stuff!!!  Where do you find it or does it come in emails to you? 

Topic: dating delema
Subject: dating delema - Posted: 1/26/2005 7:10:59 PM
Agreed.  Your time is valuable and he can't respect that.  Don't ever talk to him again.

Topic: Miss Priss
Subject: Miss Priss - Posted: 1/29/2005 11:18:45 AM
I agree!!!  You are a wonderful person to look up to and I admire you!!!

Topic: We Dont Live Here Anymore
Subject: We Dont Live Here Anymore - Posted: 1/29/2005 11:22:33 AM
bitofheaven521 wrote:

Another really good movie is Closer with Julia Roberts, Natalie Portman, Clive Owen and Jude Law.  I will warn you though that this film might be really difficult to watch.  Some of the scenes and dialogue were so familiar itís like they ripped them right from my own experience.  I actually sobbed out loud and I left the theater feeling like Iíd just broken up with my ex all over again.

Anybody else seen it? 



I saw it too.  It was one of those movies that leaves you thinking.  I walked out of the theater in silence.  The language is crude and I still can't get over sweet Julia Roberts saying "Cunt"...never will shake that hahaahhaa.  I think it shows you what people are really capable of.  Great cast for a great movie too.

Topic: LMM
Subject: LMM - Posted: 1/29/2005 11:25:12 AM
chick1110 wrote:
Iím just a little leary about posting photos..Iíve posted a group
picture before where no one know which one was me .



You can always delete it later.  I can also assure you taht not many people know about this site.  There are a lot of members on here, but I dont' even tell anyone I go here.  It's my little second home.

Topic: guys
Subject: guys - Posted: 1/29/2005 11:28:23 AM
This is only my opinion on relationships, but I feel that if he is in some sort of emotional need or is struggling with something, then he should come to you, not another woman.  I could understand if he turned to a friendship with a male friend or family member, but to turn to another woman is just wrong.  In my eyes, I feel that you can emotionally cheat and not just physically.  I don't think you should let it go.  Even if you tried, I'm not sure if you could.  I know I couldn't. 

Topic: HPV Human Papillomavirus...genital warts..
Subject: HPV Human Papillomavirus...genital warts.. - Posted: 1/29/2005 11:48:19 AM
I am so calling bullshit on this man.  You cannot get HPV from a friggin toilet seat.  There are many different strains of the virus but the one you are referring to that is tested by Pap has to do with your cervix.  It causes dysplasia, or abnormal cell growth causing an abnormal pap.  Usually, most gyns will go ahead and test for HPV in the beginning in order to rule it out.  It is a virus and doesn't go away.  It will come and go with active infections, but will never be completely gone.  Your former guy may never know exactly where he got it from.  You can get it the first time you have sex, and it not even become an active virus for ten or so years.  It's all unanswered.  There is also an HPV strain that does cause the external genital warts.  How did you guy know that he had it?  For the strain that causes abnormal paps on women, there is no way to really test a man.  Just wondering about some more info.  What did he say about it?  Does he actually have the warts?

Topic: HPV Human Papillomavirus...genital warts..
Subject: HPV Human Papillomavirus...genital warts.. - Posted: 1/29/2005 11:49:04 AM
oh and yes you can spread it w/o warts b/c of the diff. strains.

Topic: Examples of good relationships?
Subject: Examples of good relationships? - Posted: 1/29/2005 2:54:02 PM
I know couples who put on the front of having a good relationship but have their own problems behind closed doors.  Of course every relationship has its own problems, but I honestly have sat and searched my brain over your post and I cannot think of one good and healthy relationship.  Kinda depressing! haha!  I know that I have less drama and less problems when I'm sittin my ass at home doing schoolwork or hanging out with the girls.  Show me a relationship that's good and healthy and I'll maybe get into one again, but until then....I'm much happier single and doing my own thing :)

Topic: Is there any need????
Subject: Is there any need???? - Posted: 1/30/2005 7:54:48 AM

One thing that I thought of that no one else brought up is why she is still calling when she has a new boyfriend and why is he involved or is she just making it up?  The fact that she is involving other people screams guilty stalker or something.  I agree that maybe she wants answers or wants to be heard, but there are other way to go about doing that instead of making harassing phone calls and text messages.  She can handle herself a little better than that.  I don't think it will stop until the law stops it.  Maybe you should give her a serious warning that if she does not stop, you will infact involve the law and you are not joking.  If she persists...then do it.  Don't talk about it, threaten her with it, just do it.  Once she figures out you aren't joking, she may stop.  If she still doesn't stop, let the police take over.  Just my .02.


Topic: An aquaintance was drugged with GHB at Sales Conference
Subject: An aquaintance was drugged with GHB at Sales Conference - Posted: 1/30/2005 8:03:47 AM

That is awful to hear about your friend LMM.  I have had two friends that similar things have happened to, only the people around them realized they had been drugged and got them to the hospital safely before anything could happen. 

It's just really disgusting that some men think they have to drug a woman to have sex with her. 

It's stories like these that I keep trying to remind myself of when I go out to run errands or whatever I need to do by myself.  Like KM said...keeping yourself aware of your surroundings and those around you.

 


Topic: Agnostic to change Avatar name.
Subject: Agnostic to change Avatar name. - Posted: 1/30/2005 8:05:48 AM
I'm confused

Topic: Agnostic to change Avatar name.
Subject: Agnostic to change Avatar name. - Posted: 1/30/2005 6:15:51 PM
Alexander wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:
Iím confused


Why for?


so you are still agnostic just with a diff. name????

Topic: Agnostic to change Avatar name.
Subject: Agnostic to change Avatar name. - Posted: 1/31/2005 5:18:59 AM
Alexander wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:
Alexander wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:
Iím confused


Why for?


so you are still agnostic just with a diff. name????


Yes, I felt my own first name would be...more soothing, as it were, representing all of who I am, not just a  part of who I am.



Jeez..I went away for a few days and come back and you have a new name and I thought it was someone new on the board.  Then I noticed the avatar and that confused me even more and then the Utah location....not to mention the name of the threadI lack in the common sense department sometimes :) haha!


Topic: What I dreamt this Sunday afternoon.
Subject: What I dreamt this Sunday afternoon. - Posted: 1/31/2005 5:27:30 AM
where is stefanee?  isn't she good at dream analysis?

Topic: Oki guys wat the heel is up with this.........
Subject: Oki guys wat the heel is up with this......... - Posted: 1/31/2005 5:38:37 AM
sexonlegs wrote:
Oki so the guy i been in love with for like three years came over yesterday we end up kissing/making out and i say oh so are we going out or what and hes like i dunno. Then im like well do u like me he goes "Maybe". I say would u like to go out with me " i dunno" and yet he makes out with me for like 2 hr wat do u guys think is going on here cuz this has been going on for a while now


Don't mistake his physical lust for emotional love or caring. 

He's probably tryin to figure out what to say to get you under his control so that you will sacrifice everything you stand for and compromise your standards to be with him.

Don't allow him into your world in an intimate way like that committment free....Once you let him in without committment, you will never get one.


Topic: Affecting my work...
Subject: Affecting my work... - Posted: 1/31/2005 9:58:32 AM

Iím trying my hardest to move on and to heal from this past relationship, if you can even call it that.  He has taken advantage, ruined my self esteem and pretty much has left me to pick up pieces, yet he still sticks around just to make sure he can knock me back on my face.  I can easily quit contacting him and ignore his calls for a while, but he always finds a way to sneak back in.

Anyway, that along with some other stuff I have never revealed about myself have affected the way I work. 

For starters, I was raped once when I was 17 by one guy and once when I was 18 by two guys.  When I was 17, I was "dating" or whatever you call it a guy and he passed me off to be raped by his friend.  I stayed with him out of fear.  The second rape was the same guy who left me to two of his friends to rape me at the same time.  After that, I left for college and never looked back. 

Then, last week, I was attacked again by a guy but managed to defend myself and he left but before he left, he snuck into my roommates room and tried to get in bed with her and she screamed.  I dontí know how he got back into our apt.  Anyway, so now Iím 23 and reliving everything that has happened since I was 17. 

Now, I find that I cringe when a man is around.  I donít like men to look at me or talk to me.  The only man I allow in my life is the one who I have been on a roller coaster with and why heís still around, I donít know, but Iím slowly getting over that one.  It affects my work.  I treat male patients differently.  I donít like them.  I donít want to take care of them.  I do what I have to do and leave their room, whereas Iíll get to know my female patients.

I have been finding it harder and harder to get out of bed.  I sleep all the time and get up to go to the bathroom, go to work, or whatever I have to do, play on this site of course :) and then crawl back in bed.

Is this normal?  How has anyone else handled situations like this?


Topic: Agnostic to change Avatar name.
Subject: Agnostic to change Avatar name. - Posted: 1/31/2005 10:04:10 AM
Maybe it's because I've grown up and still live in the South, but I love double names!!!  Mary Ann is such a beautiful name.  I used to go by my first and middle name, but once I went to college, my middle name was dropped and I just go by my first.  I miss both names sometimes. haha!

Topic: HPV Human Papillomavirus...genital warts..
Subject: HPV Human Papillomavirus...genital warts.. - Posted: 1/31/2005 10:12:10 AM
gottocatchhim wrote:
sorry to say but not my "former guy"  its my sob husband.  but dont worry no sex since this.   he had hernia surgery and 4 weeks later warts appeared.  is used to wrk for a md and know what is was told him to go to md made an appointment for him (didnt tell him what i thought it was but did cut him off)  urologist confirmed my thought and burnt off 4 lesions.   had to go back 2 weeks later for another lesion burnt off.   he tried to initally tell me i was screwing around and thats how he got it!  i told him what i thought of that.  went to my gyno and was tested.  i was neg.  no sex since!!!!!!!! i saw them on him first.   after second visit which was his first f/u visit and had second warts burnt off he came home and told me she (uro.) told him he could have gotten them from a toliet seat.   yeah right!   anyway.....   if the warts werent enough....when he found out what he had it was not "oh no how could this happen reaction"  it was an "oh s#$@ ive been caught" reaction there is a huge  difference.  oh by the way..    when we got married...  i had been with one other person who had only been with me and my husband was a virgin.   yeah if you can believe that heís a lying cheating sob now but at the time i know for fact he truly was a virgin i was the only girlfriend he ever had.  so it cant be something that just surfaced in him and he had it before me.  I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR INPUT, HELP & ADVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  please


Sorry about the former guy/husband reference.  As I read your post, it pissed me off so bad that I was ready to respond! haha!

Sounds to me like you're calling it like it is...he is a sorry sob.  You apparently don't need any more proof that he has cheated.  Either way, if you re read the last part of your post, he lied.  Either he lied about being a virgin when you married, or he has cheated.  Both lies, just different circumstances.

I say, be grateful you did not catch anything from him, hire a lawyer and get this man out of your life.


Topic: Agnostic to change Avatar name.
Subject: Agnostic to change Avatar name. - Posted: 1/31/2005 10:14:44 AM
Alexander wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:
Maybe itís because Iíve grown up and still live in the South, but I love double names!!!  Mary Ann is such a beautiful name.  I used to go by my first and middle name, but once I went to college, my middle name was dropped and I just go by my first.  I miss both names sometimes. haha!


Do you have that "Southern" accent?


Yes!!!  I don't notice it but everyone else does.  Every now and then I'll notice I say something with an accent.

Topic: Agnostic to change Avatar name.
Subject: Agnostic to change Avatar name. - Posted: 1/31/2005 10:19:03 AM
And just to throw this out there....along with the Southern accent came the old southern way of standing by your man and being the typical housewife, barefoot and pregnant southern belle.  My mom was like that, my grandmother, and it keeps on going back...Thank God for Hillary Clinton who blew that one right out of the water! haha!

Topic: Agnostic to change Avatar name.
Subject: Agnostic to change Avatar name. - Posted: 1/31/2005 10:22:39 AM
Alexander wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:
Alexander wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:
Maybe itís because Iíve grown up and still live in the South, but I love double names!!!  Mary Ann is such a beautiful name.  I used to go by my first and middle name, but once I went to college, my middle name was dropped and I just go by my first.  I miss both names sometimes. haha!


Do you have that "Southern" accent?


Yes!!!  I donít notice it but everyone else does.  Every now and then Iíll notice I say something with an accent.


This is interesting, so to you, you dont recognize you speak with what I refer to as a "Southern Accent"? But others do?

Its intoxicating...I dont have an accent, I do imitations pretty good, if I heard yours, I bet I could emulate it rapidly.

We have to talk LMM into having a voice section with our Avatars...?



where we introduce ourselves or something? hahaha!!!  I don't notice it b/c I hear myself all the time.  I work with a nurse from Pittsburgh and she points it out allll the time.  So do a lot of other people.  I guess I sound like what you'd think a southern person sounds like...I confess that I say sugah instead of sugar and after I badmouth someone, I always say..."bless their heart" as if that exuses it.  I did some work with the SC Democratic party and someoen pointed out that I said...Govnah instead of governor...

Topic: Is it normal to want him back?
Subject: Is it normal to want him back? - Posted: 1/31/2005 10:52:14 AM

I know that you want to go to college and room with your friend, but you have to do what is best for you.  I may not know you, but you seem like a person who will easily attract friends and other people into your life. 

If you choose to go to a private school, they give out a lot of scholarships.  Def. check into that.  Apply for anything and everything, even if you think you donít qualify.

If you choose a state supported public school, there is financial aid available.  What are you thinking of majoring in?  A lot of majors are in such high demand for jobs after graduation, that they will forgive loans and you never have to repay. 

When do you graduate from high school?


Topic: For everyone over 25...
Subject: For everyone over 25... - Posted: 1/31/2005 11:32:18 AM

I always hear people say stuff about how you shouldn't do this or that or have a relationship or get married and so on until you are 25.  I also hear that you are never the same person after 25 that you were before.  Why is this?

Also, I am 23.  What would y'all do differently if you could go back to before you turned 25?  KM started a thread about mother's wisdom.  But what about the wisdom on this board?  Y'all are a bunch of strong women.  What advice do you have to offer all of us youngins???


Topic: Affecting my work...
Subject: Affecting my work... - Posted: 1/31/2005 3:44:07 PM

I had an epiphany type experience this afternoon.  The man I'm trying to stay away from told me I was acting like a kid b/c I chose to stand up to him and express my thoughts and my feelings exactly as they were.  So now all of a sudden, I am a kid.  He's 32, divorced, with two children by the way, so I guess this gives him the right to call me a kid.  He says things like that all the time.  If I ever wanted to talk about anything, he'd say...I dont' have time to deal with high school right now, we'll talk about it later.  No wonder I have trouble expressing my thoughts and feelings...they keep getting brushed aside!

Anyway, about the epiphany.  I wish I could explain it.  I read the responses to the thread I started asking for wisdom of the ladies and men on this board.  I know everyone on here has different experiences and backgrounds.  There are things I wish I could drill into the head of my 16 year old cousins, but I can't which is why I value y'alls opinions so highly...because I know you know what you're talking about. 

Today, after he called me a kid yet again and brushed me off, I started to cry and then realized...like bunnyluvin...I have survived sex against my will among other things and I'll be damned if I can't survive some man thinking he can control me and make me feel inferior.  I have decided to reach deep down inside and find that stregnth that you all have and that I know is there.  I have never let a man control me and rest assured, no man ever will again.

I realized that I am in fact cute and I am intelligent.  I do have opinions and beliefs.  I know that I am worth more than what I have given myself credit for.  Worse things have happened to people and they survived.  I have things that I want to do and I have goals that I want to achieve and I will achieve them. 

I have signed off of yahoo messenger and aol messenger and turned my phone off.  I do not want to hear from this man and I feel relieved.

Anyway, all of that happened in a moment.  Can't really explain it other than that. 


Topic: For yall to read
Subject: For yall to read - Posted: 1/31/2005 3:58:14 PM

okay, so Iíve really opened up a lot the past few days on the board about things I have been through, struggle with, and have weaknesses with.  Although this is a board and no one really knows anyone, I was still skeptical about opening up.  Just the way I am.  Anyway, hereís a poem I wrote a while back that some of you may be able to relate to. 

Expunge the sneer from your countenance and the salient stain from your brow.                                                                   

Stagger to your knees and kiss the foundation on which I stroll.

Your jest no longer charms me and your inarticulate attempts at comedy regurgitate a previous taste.

I once thought someday you fancy my demeanor.

I thought you would grasp my inner thoughts and grab hold my hand as our fingers interlaced.

But my beliefs were unsound and I never foresaw the day you lashed into my heart and plundered into my skin.

My scream pierced the nightís sky and you..you began to chuckle.

I weltered in intensified agony and you left me in a sob to opiate your pathetic mentality with a drab whore clothed in jade attire.

You mocked me...You abused me...and you left me.

By now, my heart has transposed into infuriation and I shall never repose until you feel that which you slung upon me.

THE END haha

And hereís another one just for kicks....

Like fingers slithering along a flush fabric, the ocean of flames so creeps through my veins.

A blaze supressed all too long shut up in my bones.  An injection of such trickery pierced into my skin.

Seeping from my pores of sweat fall drops of animosity.  Spewing from my mouth, a deslusive plate many served lunges foward.

On my knees, groveling toward a repulsive figure, unable to tear into the flesh before me.

I spit upon the ground from which the body burns..I drive my hands back into control.

My only pleasure in watching you welt away.

 


Topic: Affecting my work...
Subject: Affecting my work... - Posted: 1/31/2005 4:01:41 PM
Alexander wrote:
So, who is this guy calling you a kid? From work?


noooooo...the guy i have been trying to stay away from!!!! the one all my posts are about....lol

Topic: Acid Burn
Subject: Acid Burn - Posted: 1/31/2005 6:20:25 PM

You say you feel like sometimes you have acute multiple personality disorder and I'm also picking up maybe some molestation from your past that you have surpressed?  Over the time I have been a member of this site, I have picked up on things and noticed details about you here and there.

This isn't an accurate assessment, but just a thought you may want to consider.  You could have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  One of the major symptoms is numbing and dissociation.  I know you talk of feeling numb and disconnected.  The feelings of a multiple personality can come from the dissociation which can cause alterations of body perception and out of body experiences. 

People with PTSD have a dysfunction in norepinephrine in the brain which is related to stress and behavioral changes.  It's also associated with dopamine and cortisol.  Serotonin also plays a major role.  Anyway, I won't bore you with the chemical mumbo jumbo. 

It's just something for you to think about and consider.  I'm not here to diagnose you.  I"m here to listen and be a friend.


Topic: How could i have been so blind!!!
Subject: How could i have been so blind!!! - Posted: 1/31/2005 6:26:33 PM

Welcome shelley!! 

Donít feel like you have no friends or anyone to talk to because you have the members of this site.  You may not know me, but I am here.  I check the site frequently throughout the day and when I have a chance and there is always someone logged on and reading and ready to listen.

I feel so bad that this has happened to you.  Feel free to vent and tell what you feel comfortable telling.


Topic: What could he possibly want???
Subject: What could he possibly want??? - Posted: 1/31/2005 9:15:13 PM

Hmmm...

I think you should meet him out for a drink or dinner and find out what he wants:)


Topic: Child Killers Walk Free in Washington State
Subject: Child Killers Walk Free in Washington State - Posted: 2/1/2005 12:35:05 AM
The sad thing is that I"m not surprised.  This article didn't shock me one bit.  In SC, rapists walk free and child molesters walk free.  It's sick, sad, and true all at the same time.

Topic: Dangerous, Undiagnosed and In Your Life
Subject: Dangerous, Undiagnosed and In Your Life - Posted: 2/1/2005 12:52:43 AM

I think I heard or read in the news that Scott Peterson was a psychopath as well. 

This was very informative.  Thanks for sharing it. 

I found it interesting how it said that some women are predisposed to being drawn to these men.  It reminds me of co dependency.  That's worth reading into as well if you find yourself with psychopath after psychopath.

I must admit...only one in my life so far.  Well, was in my life...Y'all know what i mean. 

Hopefully more women and men will become educated on these personality disorders so that the disorder will only affect the person who has it and not a partner as well.


Topic: His dad made me cry last night
Subject: His dad made me cry last night - Posted: 2/1/2005 6:33:36 AM

Wow.

You're right.  The things we do affect not only ourselves, but those around us.  Jesse's actions have not only affected you, but also his family.

Do you want to keep in touch with his family or cut all ties?  Were you close with them?


Topic: His dad made me cry last night
Subject: His dad made me cry last night - Posted: 2/1/2005 7:22:50 AM

This is just my opinion.  For me, it would be hard to stay in contact with his family and I would try to break free.

What are your feeligns on that?


Topic: His dad made me cry last night
Subject: His dad made me cry last night - Posted: 2/1/2005 7:50:04 AM

Of course it's hard to let go.  I have struggled with the same thing for months...but the choice is yours.  There is other help out there for the other needs that you have in your life.  Also, in order to move on, you have to be emotionally free and able to move on.

I really hope that you get your car fixed soon so that you won't have a reason to talk to Jesse anymore.  You're a wise woman and too wise for him!


Topic: For everyone over 25...
Subject: For everyone over 25... - Posted: 2/1/2005 8:29:36 AM
krismiss wrote:
Harley wrote:

Ya know I hear younger people talk hard ships and yes some have hada hard life...some I want to kick in the ass . Itís funny I hear youngladies saying their a "Bitch" they need to earn it. Bitch is goingthrough the school of really hard knocks and living through it andbeing able to stand on your own two feet. Like one young lady Iknow...daddy pays her rent and car and sheís a Bitch..whatever.



 However, none of that matters when you have a stranger lying on top ofyou, violating you in ways that will forever change the way you viewthe world, men, and yourself.


Oh my gosh KM!!  I don't think anyone could have put it more simple and out there than that!!  No one can say it better than the way you just did.  I come from an okay well off family.  I don't hurt for money.  My college was all paid for with scholarships and in turn for a 3.5 or better GPA, my parents paid for my car and apt and so forth.  I don't consider myself ever having been spoiled because I had to work for it..whether that's studying my ass off or actually working, I still did it.  However you are absolutely right.  Nothing matters when you have a man (I knew my attackers) holding you down and tearing your body and mind into shreds at the same time.  Wow...that statement was powerful.


Topic: For everyone over 25...
Subject: For everyone over 25... - Posted: 2/1/2005 8:32:30 AM
bitofheaven521 wrote:

THis is a good thread.  So much good advice.  Thanks for understanding, Krismiss.  I guess maybe I have a chip on my shoulder, but like you, smugness bothers me.  Iíve always had an old soul and I hate being looked at as a child.

Itís nice to be supported for being single.  I love my mom but she has a hard time with the idea that I might never marry.  Itís a shame that in this day and age some people look at a personís life as beign incomplete without marriage. After two failed engagements that ended in messy breakups, I donít really feel like jumping back into that ocean, you know?

But that doesnít make me less of an adult who has been married. 



I understand how you feel when you say you don't know if you want to jump back out there.  In time, we will.  I grew up an only child so I got used to being around adults and it absolutely drives me nuts when people treat me like a child because I have always felt older.  However, I have come to value the opinions and advice of those who are even the slightest bit older than I am.  You are right.  It's very encouraging to have people stand behind you and let you know that it's okay if you don't get married and it's okay to value independence and singleness.  Don't worry about jumping back into the ocean...I'm still standing on the shore with you!

Topic: Dangerous, Undiagnosed and In Your Life
Subject: Dangerous, Undiagnosed and In Your Life - Posted: 2/1/2005 8:35:57 AM
You know...there are common everyday situations that I find myself thinking about the consequences of my actions and I cannot imagine being indifferent and having no remorse.  It's a fault of mine to feel bad over things I cannot control but I cannot imagine being on the other end of the extreme.

Topic: Is it normal to want him back?
Subject: Is it normal to want him back? - Posted: 2/2/2005 8:00:21 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:
Anyone seen Ever After?  I watched that the other day and I almostcried because I was thinking thatis the type of love I want.  But then I realized it was just amovie and that life sucked because dreams make you believe so manythings can happen... but they canít.  Sounds terrible, huh? Well, it is.


I have never seen that movie but I was the exact same way over The Bridges of Madison County.  Actually, I have never seen the movie, but I read the book over and over and the movie could never do it justice, so I jsut never bothered to see it.  Anyway, I had that same reaction of wanting that love and passion and it's actually a true story.  It's nice to read about stuff like that, but one in a million I think it happens.  I like to dream though and have wishes.  I'm pretty down to earth for the most part, but it never hurts to dream :)  Find a good book and escape reality for a while everyday.  Just you and your world.

Topic: This article is un-fucking-believable PLEASE READ IT
Subject: This article is un-fucking-believable PLEASE READ IT - Posted: 2/3/2005 2:06:39 AM

"We don't encourage extra marital affairs.  We understand them,"  and then some don't expect their mistress to have another mistress????  I cannot believe what I just read.  What in the hell is there to understand about broken vows, deception, lies, and spreading God knows what disease all over the planet????  And then to have the audacity to expect the person they are having an affair with not to have an affair with anyone else.  Wow.

It's articles like that giving stats that makes me glad I am single.  Honestly, if the percentages are that high, I really don't even want to be married.  I can appreciate my single life just fine because I don't have to deal with that mess.

I find it a sad day when cheating like that is encouraged and acceptable. 


Topic: This article is un-fucking-believable PLEASE READ IT
Subject: This article is un-fucking-believable PLEASE READ IT - Posted: 2/3/2005 1:16:41 PM
Miss Priss wrote:

 

I agree with Wire.  Itís the world we live in today.  And it seems hopeless that it will ever be any different from a social point of view.  Sad but true.



Moi aussie.  I think we have to adjust ourselves to evolve into the changing world.  Sure at one time, it was safe to leave house doors unlocked, but I sure as heck wouldn't now.  Socially things change as well, and I feel like we have to roll with the times. 

<---me, hahahha!


Topic: Help me, help her.......
Subject: Help me, help her....... - Posted: 2/3/2005 1:23:27 PM

Thatís a long debated and hot topic period.  Opinions vary as to when itís actually life and so forth.  However, fact is that itís legal up until 12 weeks.  After that, itís been banned and youíre messing with some dangerous territory.  I feel that you should encourage her to decide for herself whether you feel it is right or not.  She is in a sticky situation and she has to do whatís best for her.  If she decides to keep the baby, be there for her and continue to support her through the divorce and dealing with this man she doensít want in her life.  If she chooses to have an abortion, same applies.  Be there for her and support her. 

Oh...and ditto what Bitofheaven just posted.  Sheís been there and knows what your friend needs.  I wish you the best and please keep us updated.  Itís hard on you too, Iím sure and we are here for you while you are there for your friend.


Topic: Good story!
Subject: Good story! - Posted: 2/3/2005 1:32:33 PM
bwwwahahahahahhaahha!!! i love it!

Topic: Ill be traveling til next Friday
Subject: Ill be traveling til next Friday - Posted: 2/4/2005 10:40:19 AM

I hope you have a great time!!! 
We'll try not to fall apart.  Can't make any promises!!! haha!


Topic: Need advice on what to tell friend....
Subject: Need advice on what to tell friend.... - Posted: 2/4/2005 10:50:31 AM

Welcome! 

I agree with everything LMM said.  Feel free to send her over here for support and it's completely anonymous. 

Also, since she is still in college, you could advise her to see a counselor at the college.  Most colleges offer free counseling for a few sessions.

 


Topic: alright guys u know guys better then us chicks so help me out here
Subject: alright guys u know guys better then us chicks so help me out here - Posted: 2/4/2005 11:04:25 AM
Wire wrote:
Alexander wrote:
sexonlegs wrote:
hey everyone brad pitt is sexy


Iíd prefer Jennifer Aniston for my three wishes...


Or Agnelina Jolie, whichever....



Even I'd prefer Angelina Jolie

Topic: alright guys u know guys better then us chicks so help me out here
Subject: alright guys u know guys better then us chicks so help me out here - Posted: 2/4/2005 11:11:23 AM
sexonlegs wrote:
Oki there is this guy i hav been on & off with for three years anyway one minute he likes me and one minute he doesnt then he says he wants to date me when he gets back from holidays, then he finally says he loves me, then he gets annoyed over one small thing which no it was not cheating or anything like that and he decides no im not dating u when i get back is this guy a playa or just really disturbed?


Before I get on my , I just wanted to let you know I know where you are.  I have been there and am currently getting out of that situation myself so I completely 110% understand.

Now up on the box I go.  If he hans't decided in 3 years whether or not he wants to be with you, then he probably won't.  Why would he?  He gets to live in your world as more than a friend committment free!  As for the ups and downs...that's too much to handle.  If he gets annoyed over small things, what's going to happen when things really get rough because all relationships have rough times every now and then.

Think about what YOU want, not what he wants or what makes him happy.  Write down your thoughts and everything you want.  Not what you want from him, but what you want period.  Like someone else said, do you want a serious relationship?  Do you want to further in your career?  And so on...you get the point.  Write that down and let your words flow freely. 

After you write, read it.  Does this guy fit into YOUR picture?  If not, then keep on going.  Afterall, you are a busy gal with other people and other things going on in your life. 

The thing that helped me was realizing something.  The first thing I had to do was to actually figure out what I want and what I need and not from a man.  Just in general.  After that, I realized...you know...this man is not meant for me and that's final.  It's really quite simple.  So, I turned off my phone and signed off of yahoo and aol messenger.  It was hard for a few days and yea, he still contacts me, but you know what?  I'm not delaying the inevitable anymore.  What about you?  Do you want to delay any longer?

Okay, off the box now.  Good luck to you and I wish you the best.  It's harder than anything anyone can post or advise.  Find that stregnth that you know is in there.


Topic: alright guys u know guys better then us chicks so help me out here
Subject: alright guys u know guys better then us chicks so help me out here - Posted: 2/4/2005 11:12:02 AM
Alexander wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:
Wire wrote:
Alexander wrote:
sexonlegs wrote:
hey everyone brad pitt is sexy


Iíd prefer Jennifer Aniston for my three wishes...


Or Agnelina Jolie, whichever....



Even Iíd prefer Angelina Jolie


I bet sheíd probly beat me up...Before sex!


hahahaha!!!   i think she's great!

Topic: alright guys u know guys better then us chicks so help me out here
Subject: alright guys u know guys better then us chicks so help me out here - Posted: 2/4/2005 11:15:51 AM

Oh and one other piece of advice that a 90 year old woman gave me at the hospital the other day.  She literally appeared to be about 60 years old and not a day older.  I didnít even believe she was 90 until I looked at her chart.  Anyway, hereís what she told me and itís actually quite cute.

She said..."The one thing I have learned all my years of liviní is to not sweat the small stuff.  Thatís why I donít have wrinkles."

No wonder she looks so young.  She lived her life and never worried about small things.  The rate I have been going, Iíll be wrinkled at 30.  Not anymore though and I hope the same for you.  Donít keep people who bring you down and stress you out in your life.  They give wrinkles!


Topic: The women who always come through
Subject: The women who always come through - Posted: 2/5/2005 5:15:59 PM

Without a doubt, the first person that comes to mind is my mother also.  I see her stregnth and she amazes me at all of the things she juggles everyday.  Since my grandmother passed away two years ago, my mom is the backbone of our entire family.

No matter what I have done, my mom is always there.  After being raped twice in high school, I never told my mom.  I was ashamed and didn't want her to know.  During my freshman year of college, I was so upset about it that I couldn't hold it in any longer and I called her during the middle of her work day and told her and her voice was all I needed to hear to know that everything would be okay.

I also remember I had a nervous break from some post trauma stress and my mom got out of bed in the middle of the night and drove two hours to my dorm that same year and brought me back home so that I could spend a few days going to my therapist.

One of my favorite memories was one night over Christmas a few years ago when I was at home.  My dad went to bed around 11 and my mom and I stayed up watching the Gameshow Network.  That 25,000 dollar pyramid or whatever it's called was on.  My mom and I were just yelling out answers and I don't remember but I said something really off the wall and I will never forget how hard my mom and I laughed.  I think it was that moment that I realized I had a friendship with my mom and she went from being a mom to a friend.

I remember when guys would break up with me and she would always be there.  Friends would betray me and she'd be there.  She told me that no matter where I go or what I do that I always have a bedroom in their house.  My room is still the same as I left it when I graduated high school and moved away.  She said it's my room and I'll always be welcome there.

I could go on and on but I'll stop there so that I don't bore y'all :)


Topic: What am I going to do?
Subject: What am I going to do? - Posted: 2/5/2005 6:38:43 PM

I read your post several times to take it all in.  I have to say that my heart goes out to you. 

It sounds to me like your husband had an emotional affair which is equally as painful as a physical affair. 

I know you are tempted to blame yourself because you work and stay busy, but he chose to turn to another woman instead of trying and talking things out with you. 

You say you are a fighter.  My advice to you is to start fighting.  If you feel that you and your husband can get through this, then start fighting.  Seek counseling, talk things out.  Do what you have to do to save your family. 

I wish you the best and I hope that things work out and that it's not over if you do not want it to be over.

 


Topic: LMM, as soon as you left...
Subject: LMM, as soon as you left... - Posted: 2/6/2005 3:15:06 PM

It wasn't me

 


Topic: Need open-minded advice
Subject: Need open-minded advice - Posted: 2/6/2005 3:17:02 PM

I'm lost


Topic: Thinking of moving
Subject: Thinking of moving - Posted: 2/7/2005 10:52:51 PM

Okay, maybe this is completely wrong and random.  I'm thinking of picking up my life and moving somwhere else.

I currently live in Columbia, SC and am on my 5th year of school because I changed my major 3 times.  I'm in Nursing right now and work at a hospital doing internship type stuff.  Anyway, I'm starting to second guess that choice. 

I feel extremely unhappy here.  I am thinking about just dropping out of school and moving somewhere and getting a job waiting tables or something, establish residency in another state, and then going back to school.

I feel so burnt out and sick of Columbia and SC in general.  I have no idea what I want to do as a career.  I have gone from one extreme to the other..Public Relations to Communications to Nursing.  I just don't think I can do it anymore.  I have NO idea what I want out of life or what I want to do.

Is this completely crazy?


Topic: What am I going to do?
Subject: What am I going to do? - Posted: 2/8/2005 8:23:53 AM

oh my gosh!  i felt so positive about things after reading your post and was hoping to continue to hear better news.

how did you find out she was pregnant?  did they tell you?  is it your husbands or her own husbands?

regardless of how you feel you have not devoted enough time to him and have been gone a lot, two wrongs still do not make a right.  what he has done is wrong.  he could have came to you, but he chose to turn to another woman.

i know that you are hurt.  you reacted the way you did in front of everyone over the microphone because you were hurt.  i just hope that you can find peace and refocus on your life.  the long road is just now beginning...but we are all here for you.

do your children have any idea something is going on?


Topic: Thinking of moving
Subject: Thinking of moving - Posted: 2/8/2005 8:33:09 AM

I am supposed to graduate May 2006 so I have three semesters, including this one left.  I'm almost done, so I might as well just throw myself into work and school and get it done.

I have just felt so depressed lately and I think I'm thinking and acting out of desperation.  I take antidepressants and have a therapist, but that doens't seem to be working anymore.

I have missed class days and clinical days and if I don't do something now, I am going to fail.  My GPA is a 3.4, so I'm not that type of student and my teachers have taken notice.  I just don't feel like doing anything.  I just want to lay in bed and stare at the wall.  I don't answer my phone unless it's my mom and she'll worry if I don't.  I just dont care about anything I used to care about.  I feel like I don't have any feelings left.

There are good days and then there are bad, but the past few months, they have been mostly bad. 

Wow, what a pity party post I just wrote.  That's just how I feel right now.


Topic: Is he for real?
Subject: Is he for real? - Posted: 2/8/2005 10:30:57 AM

Just to be honest with you and this is only my take on things.

Iím sure that he does miss what yíall had but thatís just the point.  Itís what yíall had with had being past tense.  Things have changed, times have changed, and you have changed.  You have come a long way and the circumstances are different now.  One thing that hasnít changed is that he is still the same man who told you that he didnít love you and walked out of your life. 

Unless heís doing everything in his power to win you over, then I donít think you should consider this for real.  He could be lonley and unhappy with the choices that he has made, but thatís his problem to deal with now....not yours.  You have better things going on right now. 

My advice to you is to maintain your class and dignity, hold your head high and walk away. 


Topic: I was fine yesterday, why am I not today?
Subject: I was fine yesterday, why am I not today? - Posted: 2/8/2005 10:46:17 AM
alwaysincrisis wrote:
Yesterday I felt fine. Today is the fourth day my husband isgone.  I have seen him everyday. Today I woke up so depressed andI feel like breaking into tears so bad but I am fighting it. My husbandand I are still talking on the phone every morning and during lunch. Iasked him weather he was confused of coming back to me or if he wasgoing to come back but just needed to be away. I asked him because hehas me so confused and I have no idea of what is going through hismind. He said that he is going to come back to me but that he needs tobe on his own for now. I donít get it. How could you be with someoneand married to them yet not want to live with them? How does that work?I feel so miserable today, I am dying for the day to end so that I cancome home and curl up in my bed. Hopefully my little girl wonít actlike the energizer bunny like she does everyday because I just want tocuddle and cry.


I have learned that there will be good days and then there will be bad days.  Some days you probably won't cry a lot and other days, you will feel very down, but this is a normal part of healing. 

If your husband left you, why are you still talking to him in the mornings and at lunch like y'all did before he left?  He left you.  Cut him off and let the courts take care of the rest. 

It frustrates me that he says he's going to come back but needs to be on his own right now.  This is a marriage, not a hotel where you check in and check out. 

You had said in an older thread that he won't try counseling.  You have done all you can do. 

If he doesn't want to live with you and causes such confusion in your life, then he's not putting forth an effort to work things out.  I think you should quit talking to him so much during the day and allow yourself time to heal.


Topic: What am I going to do?
Subject: What am I going to do? - Posted: 2/8/2005 10:57:52 AM
Mystified wrote:

 



I actually found this site on a sleepless night.  It was about 4 am and I was wandering around the internet looking up quotes about breakups, healing, cute quotes, things like that and I stumbled on this site and haven't been able to stay away since.  I feel like I have my own set of friends/family on this board. Sleep will come to you.  You can't go on forever without it.  I have found that herbal tea works well.  The box says something about sleeping.  You could have a hot cup at night.

Her comments about...Gee, he was good is just completely uncalled for and not very classy.  She doesn't seem like the brightest crayon in the box. 

He lied to you.  She lied to you.  What they have done is wrong and you have every right to feel hurt and angry.  You were decieved into thinking your husband had a friendship with another woman.  

Don't allow him into your bed.  He lost that priviledge.  He really needs to stay in a hotel or sleep on the floor.  You need your own time to take all of this in and begin to face reality because the day will come when you have to talk to your children and face things. 

I think you should try to be as calm as possible so that you don't drive yourself crazy.  I'm not one to encourage smoking, but if that works, then do it for now.  Go for a run, buy a punching bag, just do what you need to do so that you can take care of your children. 

Be the better woman.  Don't sink to this woman's level of name calling and throwing around sexual references with your husband.  Walk away from her.  There's no reason you need to talk to her.  And as for your husband, find a good lawyer and get this thing going.


Topic: What am I going to do?
Subject: What am I going to do? - Posted: 2/8/2005 11:48:30 AM

It sounds like you are starting to feel a little better.  Emotions are so powerful that they can make anyone feel crazy sometimes.  I'm also a firm believer in a thin line between love and hate and both are such strong emotions.  I have to constantly remind myself to stay in control and keep my emotions in check.  When my ex broke up with me for...mmmm..about the 4th time, I hauled off and tried to hit him, but he blocked my arm and I'm not that type of person at all (yet still continued to talk to him for months but that's another story).  Emotions took over me just like they took over you. 

I am for the most part a very calm person.  I talk and laugh a lot, but I'm not overwhelming and loud.  I used to be highly opinionated and very strong but he got the best of me and reduced me down to someone I didn't want to become.  I'm healing and slowly getting back to the person I was and want to be.  You sound like the same thing has happened to you.  You are smart and you are assertive and he has reduced you down to someone you don't want to become.  You know how you can grab a hold of someone's arms and shake them saying...."Would you get a hold of yourself?!"  The same applies here.  Imagine the strong woman you are grabbing hold of the mess you say you have become and shaking some sense into yourself.

Do not let him have this power and control over you.  Do what you need to do and don't do anything to please him or make him happy because he has proven himself unworthy.

I hear what you are saying about realizing that it is over.  I even saw on Dr. Phil where he told this woman that the first step is to actually admit to yourself that this is not the person for you.  That's what I had to do and I have for the first time started to recover.  It sounds like you are doing the same.

Here is a quote for you.

"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished.  That will be the beginning."    -Lous L'Amour


Topic: Time for me to bitch
Subject: Time for me to bitch - Posted: 2/8/2005 1:15:58 PM

I think I'm going to hide under my bed for a while so I don't get hurt.

So what's going on?  Obviously someone has lied to you or is being a hypocrite and you are upset, so talk to us.  Vent away!


Topic: Valentines Day
Subject: Valentines Day - Posted: 2/8/2005 1:49:33 PM

It's only a few days away!  What's everyone's plans?

The idiot I'm now getting over and I had plans and dinner reservations for a really nice restaraunt here in town, but that's cancelled needless to say.  Just wondering about some ideas because I know it's going to be a sad night sitting at home and I really don't want to go out and drink haha.

Soooo...what are all y'all going to do?


Topic: Valentines Day
Subject: Valentines Day - Posted: 2/8/2005 6:52:19 PM
krismiss wrote:

 Iím taking a break from dating right now, but VD (ha! ha! ha!) doesnít make me sad.  After all, I could be involved with some schmuck who treats me badly 99% of the time, but brings me roses in mid-February.



hahaha!!  That's the truth!!  What ever happened to that man you had gone out with a few times recently?  (If you don't mind my asking).

Topic: Valentines Day
Subject: Valentines Day - Posted: 2/8/2005 6:55:02 PM
Miss Priss wrote:

 

This has been such a shitty week.  I canít imagine that Valentineís Day could be any worse or any better.  My PC cratered due to a virus....had to have it re-imaged and all software re-installed.  I have a LOT of work-related software I use on a very regular basis.  Luckily they were able to save a large number of my data files, but not everything.  The whole situation has sucked beyond reasonable belief.  I now have a sophisticated back-up system and I am going to use it.  If you guys are not backing up you should be.

Iíve been off-line for days.  And prior to that I have been mega busy.  I actually helped a couple today hire what is called a "Forensic Construction Investigator".  I had no idea such a thing even existed.  What he does is pretty cool I have to admit.

 



Oh my goodness MP!!!  I hope your week gets better and I hate that you are having so much trouble with your computer.

And I have noticed you haven't been posting a lot lately and I miss reading!!!!  Don't stay gone too long :)


Topic: I cheated.
Subject: I cheated. - Posted: 2/8/2005 7:11:40 PM

I agree with KM.  Let her have her time and space. 

She is probably going to go through several phases of shock, anger, bitterness, hurt, numbness and so forth.

What happened?  Did you cheat with a friend of yours or a random woman?  I hope I'm not being too nosey. 


Topic: I cheated.
Subject: I cheated. - Posted: 2/9/2005 2:19:55 AM

I agree with everything he said. 

Be prepared to move heaven and earth to be with this woman if that is what you want.

Also, Alexander is right in that you have to be able to look within yourself and not give exuses to get yourself off the hook.  I understand that you say it was peer pressure, alcohol, etc. but put yourself in her shoes.  Would you want to hear that?  I'm not saying lie to her by any means, but definately think about what Alexander has said and you have to be prepared to answer the why's and how's and with good reason and not just....Oh forgive me, I was drunk and so forth.

Good luck and keep us updated!


Topic: Sharing a bit of personal good news
Subject: Sharing a bit of personal good news - Posted: 2/9/2005 8:23:59 AM

That's so great to hear!!!  I'm sure your site is helping millions of women worldwide.

You hadn't posted for a few days, but I made a thread for you under the General section about your site so check it out if you haven't already.


Topic: Thinking of moving
Subject: Thinking of moving - Posted: 2/9/2005 9:31:41 AM

Ok.  I have an appt. to get my medication adjusted for the 16th.  Hopefully that wil help me snap out of this and keep on going.

The Dean of Nursing called me this morning and wants to see me today so I have an appt. with her at 2.  I have a feeling I'm going to get kicked out of nursing school because I have missed two clinical days for OB/GYN and we are only allowed to miss one, I have turned in stuff late and have not found a person to do my long term project on over the semester.

Any advice on what to say to plead my case?  I'm almost ready to just go in there and spill the beans about everything that has gone on in my life the past two years.


Topic: Aint it the Truth!
Subject: Aint it the Truth! - Posted: 2/9/2005 9:33:17 AM
Oh my gosh!  I love quotes! I am so glad you posted this.  I keep a little notebook and I write down really good quotes when I see them or when someone says something.  Yea...that's a little extreme, but I like to look back on it! :)  This is great!

Topic: Thinking of moving
Subject: Thinking of moving - Posted: 2/10/2005 6:42:28 AM

So the meeting was awful.  The dean said she heard through rumors that I had an alcohol problem (WTF????) and told me that I had some serious issues to work though, asked if I felt I could be bipolar and so forth. 

Then she told me it hasn't passed the withdrawl deadline and that she advised me to withdraw myself and if I didn't, then I would be administratively withdrawn after the deadline and would fail and it would kill my GPA.  So I was forced to withdraw.

I have no idea what to do now.  I feel like I am spiraling downhill and fast.  Have been since I have known that guy whose the subject of my posts.  He threw my life into a whirlwind and then pretty much just left me there and moved onto the next woman and now I'm here picking up pieces and have no clue how.


Topic: whats your opinion of long distant relationships?
Subject: whats your opinion of long distant relationships? - Posted: 2/10/2005 6:49:03 AM

I personally have never been in a long distance relationship so I cannot speak from experience.  However,  a friend of mine is in school here in SC and her boyfriend is living in FL for grad school.  They have been together for over 2 years and more than half of it was long distance.  She understands that there are no guarantees but says that she really loves him so they have made it work.  He calls her everyday and they see each other on breaks, holidays, etc.  It actually works out for her because she can focus 110% on school during the week and has a 4.0 GPA.

My questions to you are...How long have you known him?  How long have y'all been dating?  How did you meet him?  Do you know how he feels about you?

My opinion is that if he wants to be with you badly enough, he will make it work.  It's not wrong of you to ask for what you want if that is truly what you want.  If he isn't willing, then you know that it's not going to work and you can free yourself to be with someone else down the road.


Topic: Just found out...i got PLAYED
Subject: Just found out...i got PLAYED - Posted: 2/10/2005 6:55:07 AM

What a jerk.  That's sick that he gets off on playing women.  Sounds like he has an ego or self esteem issue. 

I know you feel ashamed and embarassed about pouring your heart out.  I have done that before too.  But you did it and you can't take it back.  Save the compassion for someone worthwhile.

If this guy has a history of this type of behavior, then you know it's nothing you have done so don't feel bad or guilty.  Men like that are smooth operaters and can fool the best of us. 

Be glad he is gone...you will be glad soon enough and you will look back and know that you learned something and hopefully will be more aware next time.

 


Topic: Are there any real men left out there???????
Subject: Are there any real men left out there??????? - Posted: 2/10/2005 7:00:59 AM

I just thought of something that someone once told me.

Look at the types of men you are dating.  There is most likely a common pattern or personality trait that sets them up for failure.

For example, I have a need to feel needed feel that I have to help people with their problems and that somehow I can.  So, I go after men who have emotional issues and are basically screwed up in the head.  On a subconsious level, I think I can help them.  I never realized it until it was brought to my attention.

I encourage you to think about that.  What do these men have in common and what are your personal stregnths and weaknesses?  It takes a while to think about because you have to sit down and be honest with yourself and think things through but it's very worthwhile.

Just a suggestion that I thought of :)


Topic: Having a down moment......
Subject: Having a down moment...... - Posted: 2/10/2005 6:19:36 PM
Mystified wrote:

sometimes to keep it together we got to leave it alone.

So you can get on with your search, baby,
and I can get on with mine.
And maybe someday we will find
that it wasnít really wasted time.



Wow...I have never heard that song I don't believe, but I'm going to download it.  I absolutely love the lyrics, especially the end.  Heck, I think I might print this out and hang the lyrics on my wall!

I noticed you named the thread Having a Down Moment.  I hope that you don't stay down too long.  Of course these moments are going to come and go for a while, but the moments you are down will become less and less over time.  Keep on keeping on!


Topic: The Online Predators Profile
Subject: The Online Predators Profile - Posted: 2/10/2005 6:28:07 PM
Wire wrote:
Has anybody here ever second-guessed the male members here because of the fears surrounding online interaction?


When I first came to the site, I had my doubts, but over time, I have gotten to know personalities and don't feel that way at all now.  I don't feel that the men come here to prey on vulnerable women.  Y'all are here for the same reason we are and I value your opinion.

Topic: Thinking of moving
Subject: Thinking of moving - Posted: 2/10/2005 6:47:06 PM

I feel so down, but at the same time so full of hope.  I went ahead and withdrew because in all honesty, I just want to go somewhere and start new. 

C.Star is right.  I don't know who I am or what I want.  I do know that I feel limited here in SC. 

I talked to my parents and my mom has actually done a lot of research before even talking to me and has looked into me transferring schools.  My GPA is high and since I withdrew myself, I am in good standing with my current school.  We are just getting ideas and figuring out options.

I'm going to take the next three or so months left in the semester and work.  I'm going to go on a job hunt Monday.  I'll probably wait tables somewhere because I hope to move to a new state at the beginning of the summer so I don't want any type of long term job.  I can no longer work as a student at the hospital because, well, I'm no longer a student.  Also during these upcoming months, I'm going to sort things out and pick up pieces. 

I'm considering even changing my major.  I have other interests and I love to read and I love writing poems and following current events, politics, etc.  I'm just going to take some time and rethink what I want to do and where my true interests are.

In a way, all of the stuff that has gone down over the past two years of my life are really a blessing.  I think that even though I feel down right now and have no idea what tomorrow holds, I know that I'm on the right track.  That doesn't make a lot of sense, but I feel really positive and good about the decisions and the things that are going on right now.

It's a complete evaluation of where I stand, what I believe and what I want.


Topic: Time for me to bitch
Subject: Time for me to bitch - Posted: 2/10/2005 6:53:26 PM

I understand that you needed time off to take care of things at home.  It happens and you are a single mother and family comes first.

As for what your boss did...well, I hate to say it, but she's the boss.  She can get away with things that other people can't.  No it's not right and no it's not fair but that's the way it goes sometimes. 

I hope you get things worked out with your daughters and your job.  You do what you need to and have to do.


Topic: Ive been emotionaly abused badly!
Subject: Ive been emotionaly abused badly! - Posted: 2/10/2005 7:03:31 PM
dagens24 wrote:
By this site. Itís prejudice against me for no other reason then the fact that Iím a man.


Then don't log on.

The other men on the site don't seem to feel that way.  We are here for them just as much as other women. 


Topic: I dont know what to do
Subject: I dont know what to do - Posted: 2/11/2005 8:19:05 AM
GuysSuck wrote:
Our story is a LONG one, so I wonít bore you with the details. To put it as short and sweet as I can, I have been in love with this guy since 8th freakin grade. We dated for a while, but then I switched schools and we lost touch.  2 weeks before he left for boot camp (marines) he calls me and says he still has feelings for me bla bla bla so I said Iíd wait. And I did.  Meanwhile, he was still dating his ex (unbeknownst to me).  So when he came home from boot camp, I didnít hear a word. I didnít even know he was home until a few days before he got sent to Cali.  I only saw him for like 5 min and he acted wierd.  Then, a few weeks later I found out from a mutual friend that he had MARRIED this girl and didnít have the balls to tell me.  Being that I had strong feelings for him and all, I decided to push all pride aside and remain friends with him (I figured it was better than nothing).  So we were talked all the time and his ex hated me.  She always had since HS.  Anyway, about 2 years after they were married, they had a daughter.  I pretty much gave up any hope after that as far as us ever being together again.  Well, about 5 months later, she packed up and moved back home and totally left him and took his daughter with him.  He was pissed.  So being a good friend, I flew out there to cheer him up (he was leaving for Iraq in a few weeks at this point).  We had a great time and yet again he asked me to wait for him, and cautiously I said I would.  And I did, until his letters home started talking about this other girl.  Not wanting history to repeat itself, I totally dropped him like a bad habit - but my heart didnít.  So two years later here we are, weíve been together for about 8 months and heís going through the divorce process but the ex is still a problem and I donít know how to handle this at all.  Hereís the problem:  She is always calling him to go out for drinks and stuff, and while he doesnít go, he says stuff like "I donít have money" - why canít he just say "Iím with someone - we have no need to talk other than about our daughter"  Iím starting to feel like a b*tch for getting frustrated, but I donít know what else to do.  Sheís tried sleeping with him a few times and he swears he said no, but with our past - how am I supposed to know?  I just feel like Iím setting myself up again. 


If being smart and wise makes you a bitch, then yes, you are.

You are obviously having doubts and there's nothing like a woman's intuition and I think you should turn away and walk. 

One statement you made really bothers me.  You said you pushed pride aside and remained friends with him figuring that it was better than nothing.  Think about what you are saying here.  You are in love with this man and want more than a friendship and yet you settled for just a friend.  By reading your story, I feel that you are settling for less than you want and deserve.

Take a look at his past patterns.  He has been dishonest to you, yet he knows you will be there when he needs or wants you.  He may not get emotionally involved, but you do. 

My concern is that he has you until the next woman comes along, then he'll drop you again, and pick you back up when he's done.  I don't want to see that happen.  Don't let this man hold you back from what you want. 

If you feel you are setting yourslef up again, then don't allow it to happen.  Just because you have been through so much and have been friends since 8th grade gives him no right to play roller coaster games with your mind.

GET OUT NOW!


Topic: Why Men Cheat
Subject: Why Men Cheat - Posted: 2/11/2005 9:41:43 AM
sweet p wrote:

Iím so interested to hear the video I donít have speakers at my work computer.Have to borrow some.



Do you have any headphones?  Those will work too I think.

Topic: I cheated.
Subject: I cheated. - Posted: 2/11/2005 11:04:55 AM

Well, sounds to me like she just doesn't want to be with you.  Not wanting to get back together means just that.  She doesn't want to get back together.  Not to sound rude, but she doesn't owe you an explanation and she's entitled to move on without having to explain herself.  That's just the way it is.

My advice to you now is to use this as a learning and growing experience.  Take your mistakes, her mistakes and apply them to the next relationship.  If you say you just want to have fun and live life, then go do it.  Make yourself happy and don't depend on there always being someone by your side to share your life with because truth be known, there may not always be someone around.  Think of it this way.  If you don't have someone by your side now, then later down the road you will have experiences adn stories to share with this person.

I say move on.


Topic: Hate bounces- the making of a misogynist
Subject: Hate bounces- the making of a misogynist - Posted: 2/11/2005 11:07:34 AM

Cliffs Notes please

J/K


Topic: Are there any real men left out there???????
Subject: Are there any real men left out there??????? - Posted: 2/11/2005 11:58:34 AM

That's where I am right now too.  I'm trying to work on things within myself.  I dont'; know how long it will take, but I'm going to get there.

I'm focusing on things and goals that I want to achieve and if you have read any of the other threads I have started, I'm currently thinking of actually moving and transferring schools just to get a fresh start.  There are things I want to do and I just feel limited where I am right now.

Set your sites on what you want and be proactive in getting there.

I wish you the best and I"m so glad that you have recognized this about yourself.  It's amazing what you are going to learn about yourself over the next few months

 


Topic: getting a guys attention
Subject: getting a guys attention - Posted: 2/11/2005 3:10:54 PM

Well, you are right.  You let him know you were interested so now I think you should sit back and let things develop, if they do.

Also, I would say skip the middle person and encourage your best friend to stay out of it.  Not that you don't value his/her opinion, but you two are adults and I think you can handle yourselves without a friend involved. 

My opinion is still the same.  Keep doing your own thing and if he's interested, he'll come around.


Topic: Im Sad
Subject: Im Sad - Posted: 2/12/2005 7:28:40 AM

Sorry I am so late responding.  I went to bed early last night and just now logged on. 

Your story took my breath away.  Your outlook amazes me.  You have managed to once again hold yourself together in the most difficult circumstances. 

It sounds like you already know how you are going to handle this situation and what you are going to do.  It kinda reminds me of The Bridges of Madison County where they were never together again because he traveled and she didn't want to tear her family apart.  Yet, they always remained in love and thought of each other until their dying day.

I agree.  I want that kind of love that you described.  It may take years and years for it to find me, but I know it will and I know it will for you too.  You are such a smart and insightful woman with your head on your shoulders and if it's not Brent, then someone who knocks your socks off even more will come along.

Believe it or not Krissmiss, I heed your advice everytime I post something.  Just like when you told bunny to fall in love several times and experience love from all angles.  I will heed that advice also.  You have so much to offer and so much to give.  So many great qualities, yet the good man shortage can hold you back.  Not enough good men out there for all the good women :)  Besides, the good ones are usually dating each other :(

It is frustrating sometimes to be happy and single because you do want someone to share those good times and bad times with,but you're right in not settling and staying where you are.  You have to do what makes you happy.

Well, that's my little ramble.  I hope you continue to feel better and keep on keeping on :)


Topic: VD- Valentines Day
Subject: VD- Valentines Day - Posted: 2/12/2005 7:35:27 AM
Alexander wrote:

 

Or itíll be a ST. VD massacre, JESUS fuckers kill you all mrrogers leading the way...

 

 



Oh my gosh!!!

That is by far the funniest thing I have heard in a long time!!  I almost choked on my water!!!

by the way...who is Paul?


Topic: Margaritaville...
Subject: Margaritaville... - Posted: 2/12/2005 8:54:53 PM

Wasted away in margartaville.........

Now that song is stuck in my head ;)


Topic: Im Sad
Subject: Im Sad - Posted: 2/13/2005 8:56:37 AM
eve160450 wrote:
Ok so I went a little nuts last night.  Thank God for the delete button!  Your right I have not moved on.  I have tried everything you mentioned and still nothing.  I guess what burns me the most is that he moved on without even looking back and now he has everything and I have nothing.  I have read the boards and feel myself luck that at least we had no children.  That would have been even harder I think.  Thanks for the advise and the place to vent.


Iím playing catch up, so I donít believe I saw your original post.

But Iím just going to guess from what everyone elseís response has been.

It sounds like you wanted revenge by posting a phone number.  What will that benefit?  It will only make you angrier while heís off with this other woman.

Donít feel like he has everything because he doesnít have you.  Also donít feel like you have nothing because you have your own life.  Start living it.  Do things you wouldnít usually do, keep a journal, do something random. 

This may sound cheesy but I did it and have no shame in telling you.  I had always read poems, books, essays and heard the advice to enjoy every moment blah blah, the same thing we all hear.  Well, the other day it was raining and yucky outside.  I have never taken the time to enjoy the rain.  Iíll go outside and lay out in the sun or go for a run, but never walk outside in the rain.  So, I walked out onto the porch and just stood there and smelled the rain.  I enjoyed the peacefulness because no one else was outside.  It was nice to just listen to it fall.  Anyway, the point in my story is that I did something I have never done before and something that never made sense to me.  I did it and enjoyed it.  Itís the small things you never thought youíd enjoy that somehow give you peace of mind and for a moment in time, you donít think about your situation.  Anyway, it worked for me because I realized that I have no more control over the rain and weather than I do over other people and their feelings for me.

Not to mention, he cheated on you and she cheated on her husband, so whoís to guarantee that they wonít cheat on each other??  Doesnít sound like my type of relationship.

So, my advice to you is to move on.  Itís so much easier said than done, but you have to pull out some sort of will power and stregnth that you have left and just do it.  Donít think too hard, donít plan too much, just move on.

 


Topic: What constitutes a
Subject: What constitutes a - Posted: 2/13/2005 12:59:04 PM
I would expect him to first of all ask me then okay the plans with me.  I think a concert or meeting for lunch is an ideal first date because there's no pressure and you are in a public place. 

Topic: how do I get over this one....advice please
Subject: how do I get over this one....advice please - Posted: 2/13/2005 1:11:15 PM

If you read around the boards enough, you'll learn that you aren't the first that has felt this way and unfortunately you aren't going to be the last.

You say that you attract these types of men.  I advise you to take a look at yourself first.  We all have stregnths and weaknesses.  Sometimes, men know our weaknesses and play on them or we attract a certain type of man related to our personality. 

For example, I have this desire to feel needed and think that I, without any help, can solve some of the worlds greatest problems and social injustice or at least make a damn good effort.  With that being said, I would attract emotionally screwd up men who needed help.  The help they needed was beyond anything I could ever do.  They needed chemical and professional help.  But, these men filled what was missing.  They need me to help them and that's what I wanted to do.  As soon as I did a self examination, I quit falling for these men.  I took a long hard look at myself, my stregnths and weaknesses, and learned.  Granted, I still attract these types of men, but I no longer fall for them.  Instead I choose to focus on myself, my future, and what I want to do next instead of helping a lost cause of a man.  I would encourage you to do the same.  What is it about yourself that you can recognize and change?

The only thing you can really do is to learn.  Don't constantly beat yourself up over this.  He is a predator and you are his prey.  He saw that you were a single hardworking mother and he preyed on that.  Not your fault at all.

Learn to trust your instincts.  I have said it a million times and I will say it again, there is nothing like a woman's intuition.  If you think something is wrong, it probably is.

I agree with Krissmiss.  The next step to take is with a counselor on campus.  If you speak out, others may follow.  Just having someone to talk to will help.  You may choose not to file a complaint or pursue anything, but it will help you to talk to someone. 

Hold that head high and continue with your education and seek the help that you need.


Topic: After much contemplation :-)
Subject: After much contemplation :-) - Posted: 2/13/2005 7:26:30 PM

It has taken a while for me to get to know personalities.  It's hard to do when you don't actually know anyone on the forum.  Trust me, keep coming, keep reading and posting and you will get to know people.  I consider several of the people on this forum friends and I hope that you find the same.

 


Topic: Chris Dowdel of Lincoln has STD.....
Subject: Chris Dowdel of Lincoln has STD..... - Posted: 2/13/2005 10:45:03 PM
Post him in the database too :)

Topic: Posts
Subject: Posts - Posted: 2/14/2005 12:08:17 AM

I have tried to start a new thread and post on threads and it wonít let me. 

It says some sort of error code and then something about there not being room.

I was able to post on one thread but not others.

Could I have a virus or something on my computer?

Edit:  Okay, so it let me post this thread but not another I tried to start LOL


Topic: Whats going on??
Subject: Whats going on?? - Posted: 2/14/2005 11:54:36 AM

I've been having some problems too.  See the thread I started called Posts.

LMM said something was going on with the server and she is working on it :)

I am anxious to hear about this new guy bunny!!!!:)


Topic: Im having one of those days...
Subject: Im having one of those days... - Posted: 2/15/2005 9:32:03 PM

Gosh!  I hate having days like you are having.  They come and go.  You just want the world to stop turning so that you can have peace and feel free for just that one moment in time.  If only it were that easy!

Of course you know that it will pass and that exercise and spending time out with friends will do wonders.  I won't repeat what everyone else has said. 

I have something new to offer.

I'll post a joke for you that was in my email in hopes that it will give you a laugh and help you feel better :)  I'm repeating it from memory, so bear with me haha!

A man and a woman were on an airplane.  The woman would sneeze every few minutes and when she did, she would shudder.  The man noticed this several times and was wondering if maybe she was having a siezure.  He finally asked, "Ma'am, are you okay?"  The woman answered, "Yes, I have a rare condition.  When I sneeze, I have an orgasm."  The man asked, "Well, what do you take for that?"  She answered..."Pepper!"

Okay, so it was a little cheesy but I hope it made you smile.

Chin up girl, we're all behind you 110%


Topic: Sex
Subject: Sex - Posted: 2/15/2005 9:36:01 PM
krismiss wrote:
Pardon my ignorance, but what is a DH?


I've seen that before.  I think it's Dear Husband.

Topic: Sex
Subject: Sex - Posted: 2/15/2005 9:41:33 PM
sillygurlinAK wrote:
Iím wanting to have sex with my DH and he almost never wants to. We are supposed to be trying to mend fences, but I seem to be the only one making any effort. Yesterday was Valentines day and all he did was get a card and go to dinner. Am I asking to much to want to feel loved. He doesnít seem to want to put any effort into making things better. I guess Iím just venting.



You say you are trying to mend fences.  IĎm guessing that you must be having some sort of marital problems.  Have you sought counseling?  That may be a wise decision so that you can fix the marriage on an emotional level as well.

I am sure you are very disappointed about ValentineĎs Day.  Does he usually plan something big?

You are not asking too much to feel loved.  ItĎs what we all want and what we all deserve. 

I hate to agree with Alexander on this situation, but itĎs something to consider.  Could he be having an affair or an impotency problem? 

There are several factors to consider.

I wish you luck and hope that this can be resolved soon :)  Feel free to vent anytime.


Topic: What am I going to do?
Subject: What am I going to do? - Posted: 2/15/2005 9:54:58 PM
Mystified wrote:

 



We all act on emotion sometimes and don't use our best judgement and decision making skills.  I'm glad you took some time to think about things and how you wanted to handle it.

I definately believe this woman has some serious psychiatric problems.  I hope her husband is encouraging her to seek help and I hope she is on some type of medication.  Sounds like she needs to work on the way she copes. 

Good for you for seeking out antidepressants.  I really hope that they continue to help you and get you through this.  It doesn't mean you will have to take them forever, but for now, I think you are doing the right thing. 

I'm so glad to hear that you and your husband are talkign more openly.  You are right.  Sometimes it does take something like this to give you a wake up call.  It's sad that it happened in a way that has hurt you and broken trust, but hopefully the negative will turn to positive soon.

Keep walking!  Exercise releases endorphins in the brain that help you feel better, not to mention look better!  Congrats on losing the weight, but I hope that you continue eating right along with your exercise.

Please continue to keep us updated:)


Topic: abusive cheating husband
Subject: abusive cheating husband - Posted: 2/15/2005 10:00:48 PM

I agree!!  Good for you for not continuing in the cycle of abuse!!

I hope that the divorce can be over soon.  Something to keep in mind....the more he realizes that you really do want a divorce, the harder he will try to keep you.  Beware and keep your guard and emotions in check.

Keep us posted and best of luck!


Topic: Valentines Day
Subject: Valentines Day - Posted: 2/16/2005 3:32:56 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:
Harley wrote:
You have to ask??? We call it B.O.B


So is it what I am thinking or is my mind wrongfully in the gutter?


B.O.B??

Battery Operated Boyfriend??

Or is it a rabbits foot for good luck?  But then that doesn't fit B.O.B.

Oh well...haha


Topic: Crazy
Subject: Crazy - Posted: 2/16/2005 3:36:23 PM

Did you write that?

If so, you're very talented!  If not, you have good taste :)


Topic: When it just doesnt feel right
Subject: When it just doesnt feel right - Posted: 2/16/2005 3:42:10 PM

Ditto. 

I definately say to wait until the divorce is final.  My personal opinion is that he is still married until the final papers are signed and the deed is done.  Some may choose to date while separated legally, but my personal choice would be to wait until everything is final.

You have to listen to yourself.  Usually when I have a "gut" feeling, it's usually validated at some point in time.  I may not understand at first, but over time...it all comes together.  Trust yourself.

I understand what your friend was saying about you are ready to bolt and that's something to think about.  I also agree with Krissmiss in that it could be a cultural difference.  However, if you have no reason to feel the way you do and you are sure that you trust yourself, then get out now.  Nothing like a woman's intuition.  We are blessed with a 6th sense :)

Good luck in whatever you decide and keep us posted.


Topic: A forum to catch cheaters in Thailand
Subject: A forum to catch cheaters in Thailand - Posted: 2/16/2005 3:56:14 PM

This thread shocked me.  I have been busy for a few days traveling during the day and too tired at night so I haven't had time to read and post a lot, so I'm just not getting around to it.

I have read that Thai girls are often sold at young ages into prostitution.  I was reading that there is a large gap between the wealthy and poor and that the wealthy have often times sold a daughter and the poor have either refused or do not have daughters. 

Not only in Thailand, but I have heard and read about these types of issues that go on in so many parts of the world.  Many women do not even have rights and are still sold as property. 

Thanks for bringing this to our attention.  I am sorry that you have gone through such a horrible situation.  Hopefully you will help a lot of women in the future by bringing this to our awareness.


Topic: Posting Times
Subject: Posting Times - Posted: 2/16/2005 7:47:02 PM

I hope this question makes sense b/c I can't figure out how to word it.

Is there any way to change the time zone for what time people post?  For example, it will say that the last post was on such and such day whatever time, yet that's not my time.  Does that make sense?  Just wondering if there was a setting to where I could change it and know what time people are posting to my time.


Topic: Posting Times
Subject: Posting Times - Posted: 2/16/2005 9:27:46 PM
chick1110 wrote:
I think everything here is PST  I donít know if you can change
that in your account or not...you may have to do the math
in your head :-) Iím CST two hours later EST time
three hours later.


I was hoping to avoid thinking any more than I have to

Topic: Getting over someone that you really think your in love with.....
Subject: Getting over someone that you really think your in love with..... - Posted: 2/21/2005 3:10:15 PM

I agree with what everyone else has said.

I can def. relate to the being sucked back in feeling.  It would seem like everytime I moved on.....suck suck suck...right back in.  However, I have also found that staying busy helps.  Also, KEEP YOUR PLANS.  For example, in order to stay busy, you plan a night out wiht friends.  Then, the man calls.  DO NOT CANCEL.  Even if you are just planning on taking a walk.  That's time for YOU.  You're busy doing other things and not available for him to suck you back in.

I also encourage you to pick up a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You."  For me, it has made such complicated situations seem so simple.  He just wasn't into me!

I wish you the best :)  It's hard, but it will pass.


Topic: How would you feel about this?
Subject: How would you feel about this? - Posted: 2/21/2005 8:56:43 PM
I think it says a lot about his character.  Not very smart, honest, and he obviously lacks integrity.  I wouldn't want to date someone like that.

Topic: Could this be true or just my imagination working overtime
Subject: Could this be true or just my imagination working overtime - Posted: 2/21/2005 8:59:57 PM

Welcome!

If you are suspicious, go with it.  Try to find out more.  I'm with Alexander and LMM. Go to the "Catch a Cheater" section and see what you can find out.

He lied about his cousin.  If he will lie about that, it seems that he would lie about other things too.

I definately think this is worth looking into. Sounds like there could be more to this story than you know.


Topic: Should I Be Worried?
Subject: Should I Be Worried? - Posted: 2/21/2005 10:27:22 PM

I want to say I don't like this guy you work with. It's none of his business about your sexual history or current sexual behavior.  Call me old fashioned if you want, but I think it's rude for a guy in that situation to ask you if you are a virgin.  I consider that something personal and only to be shared with trusted people. That really makes me tick. 

I don't trust this guy because he's trying to use flattery.  Of course you're beautiful and occupy a lot of guys' minds.  It's good that he recognizes this!  The comment about you playing shy and innocent...he's just trying to see what kind of information he can get out of you.  The whole txt messaging...same thing.

If individuals choose to smoke it up every now and then, that's up to them.  However, it is illegal in the United States and if you're around and it's on him, then if he goes down, so do you.  I choose not to hang around people who participate in things that are illegal.

You have every reason to be concerned.  My advice to you is to take this as a warning and stay away from him. I mean sure you will have contact with him at work, but let it be just that and nothing more.

I don't want to see you get yourself into a situation where you could get into trouble or hurt.


Topic: Should I Be Worried?
Subject: Should I Be Worried? - Posted: 2/21/2005 10:30:40 PM

By the way, I have a friend who does Coke...or so I have been told by other friends.  I am careful around this person.  I have not decided how to confront him yet.  In the meantime, I do not go to his house, ride in a car with him or allow him to my house or in a car with me.  I only hang out with him in public places...just being careful until I confront him to find out the truth.

 


Topic: Should I Be Worried?
Subject: Should I Be Worried? - Posted: 2/22/2005 5:31:56 AM

If you are weary, then stay away.  I'm on the outside of this situation and I don't trust this guy and obviously you don't either. 

"When in doubt, don't."   -Oprah (and we all know she's wise!)


Topic: A Pill To Pop
Subject: A Pill To Pop - Posted: 2/22/2005 7:34:48 AM

OMG...can i order by the truckload?????

Do you have a link to that picture?  I'd liek to send it to some friends haahahah!!!

Good one Harley! lol


Topic: Could this be true or just my imagination working overtime
Subject: Could this be true or just my imagination working overtime - Posted: 2/22/2005 7:43:47 AM
Keep us posted on if you find out anything.  Good luck to you in finding the truth.

Topic: A Pill To Pop
Subject: A Pill To Pop - Posted: 2/22/2005 8:38:15 AM
Wire wrote:
Why do all drugs have names like that?


Names like what?

Topic: Unreal Expectations of men
Subject: Unreal Expectations of men - Posted: 2/22/2005 10:11:43 AM
krismiss wrote:

 

I do believe that in this day and age, it is wise for a woman to learn to be financially and emotionally independent. This may sound contradictory to my previous statements, but I think she needs to learn how to support herself in case she ends up with a strange mutation of something that was once known as a man. She needs to know that she can leave him if he knocks her around a room (or exhibits any other despicable behavior). She also needs to know how to take care of herself (emotionaly, financially, etc.)  in case her Prince Charming never comes along.  Itís like one of my friends says: Not all women will marry.  Statistically, this is not possible. 

Sooooooo, while I support equal pay for equal work, I do not support a world of two genders either living separated from one another or living in social disharmony.     

 

 



I completely agree.  I have chosen to focus soley on education and setting high standards and goals for my future.  I surround myself with friends like myself.  My core group are men and women in their mid to late 20's who are single.  They work full time jobs and live on their own or with roommates. 

My parents have pushed me toward marriage my whole life and I have instead chosen to focus on a career.  Having said that, I do not mean that I do not plan on ever marrying.  Instead, I am focusing on what I can do for me in the meantime.  I may never marry.  I'm not going to college and grad school, law school, or wherever I choose to go to major in "Finding a husband."  I am doing it to better myself so that in the end, I can support myself. 

I want to be a complete person before entering into any type of relationship, especially a marriage.  If he walks away from me, I want to have the confidence that I can make it on my own both emotionally and financially.

I'm not familiar with modern feminism.  Are there any good books I could pick up to read more about it?  I have read about women's history and fighting for equality, but none of this living seperately movement.


Topic: Creep
Subject: Creep - Posted: 2/22/2005 10:22:46 AM

Wow...that's really sick.  I've never heard of it but will look up information.

Amazing what the movie industry can make money off of exploiting. 

I don't want to see a women being stabbed there period.

I haven't heard of the movie but I hope it doesn't make it to the states or my area.

Thanks for that warning. 


Topic: When it just doesnt feel right
Subject: When it just doesnt feel right - Posted: 2/22/2005 10:29:41 AM
Lady of Richmond wrote:

Thanks for all the replies everyone.

Things still donít feel right, if nothing else something strange is going on.  Communication from him has been very limited the past two weeks.  Last week it was down to one phone call from him that I missed, and he didnít leave a message, which he does.  We chatted on line exactly twice last week, the first convo was gushing about his trip here and how Iím "so very top drawer", canít wait to see me again, etc.  Saw him on line Sunday night, he seemed very distant, with long delays between his replies.  I finally said, "Seems like you are busy, I wonít pester you.  Have a relaxing evening, hope we can chat soon."  I waited for him to reply, but not a word.  Since that time nothing.  No phone calls, off line messages, emails, and he hasnít been on line.  So at this point, I havenít a clue what is going on.

Spoke with a friend who knows about him, she thought one of two things could be in play, 1.  Deep down he is angry that he came all this way and I didnít sleep with him, which he knew before he set foot on the plane, or 2.  The fact he kept saying "You are so top drawer"....."Such an elegant woman what do you see in a pig faced bloat like me?" and he feels that I am "out of his league".

I donít get it.  What I do know, if I donít hear from him by Friday, I might as well write him off.

Where are all the grown up men hiding? 



I know this is tough on you and that you are hurt.  It's almost like another one bites the dust.

Why wait until Friday to write him off?  If he's angry because you did not sleep with him, that's enough reason to write him off.  If he thinks you are out of his league, you probably are...therefore, write him off.

It seems that he's slowly withdrawing from you.  Write him off now.  Don't wait until Friday and prolong the inevitable.  I know it stinks and it's going to be hard for a few days, weeks, possibly months, but you'll recover in time just as you did over your last relationship.

Ever considered he may be staying with his wife?

 


Topic: The lies they tell
Subject: The lies they tell - Posted: 2/22/2005 10:43:37 AM
moving on up wrote:

Hi im from the uk and i need some advice i suspect the other half of cheating all the signs are there i found a bill for a meal for two in his pokect which fit  the day he was away from the office. He has has stains  in his underware (sorry to be crude) he took 2 and a half hours to get home once from a 20 min jounury proclaiming it was traffic and i have also found out that he has been searching for doggin sites in the area we live on the internet ,doggin here in the uk is a location that people would go to watch other people having sex or take part . I have comfronted him about cheating but he just cryed saying it was not true he does not know how the bill got in his pocket says it was not his, did not have an answer for the stains but he does not know that i know about the doggin .Please can you help me what are the lies they tell to get out of it, i know he is gulity of somthing but i feel like im going mad he even sware on our kids lives thank you xxx



We women are blessed with a 6th sense.  Our intuition.  If you think something is wrong, most likely, it is.  Don't dismiss or ignore your instincts as paranoia.

From what you are saying, it sounds as if you have a good lead for finding out the truth.  I would also advise you check the Catch a Cheater section and to have a plan of action for what you want to do next.

You asked the question about what kind of lies they tell to get out of it.  I think you are already hearing them.


Topic: Have you seen all these cheating signs together in one man?
Subject: Have you seen all these cheating signs together in one man? - Posted: 2/22/2005 10:49:43 AM

How can you trust him?  You can't!

I agree with what the others have said.  You have all the signs.  Usually when someone is guilty of something, they project it onto you.  He doesn't want you going to a bar by yourself because he knows that there are most likely going to be men like himself there.  He calls to check up on you so that he knows you aren't out doing whatever it is that he is doing.

I think it's time to confront him and leave him.  Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who treats you in this way and even raises doubt about trust issues?  You are still engaged so it's not too late.

Keep us posted and I wish you the best.  Of course it's hard and will be hard for a while, but we are all here for support.  Someone is always logged on and can respond to you :)


Topic: Awesome Abs!
Subject: Awesome Abs! - Posted: 2/22/2005 12:29:45 PM
LMM and any one else on here w/ awesome abs....what type of workout do y'all do?  I run and do the aerobic striptease.  I can't seem to get a flat stomach.  I have this obnoxious little flab that won't go away.  It's not noticeable when I am clothed, but I know it's there.  Anyway, just wondering if there's certain excercises to get rid of that.

Topic: Unreal Expectations of men
Subject: Unreal Expectations of men - Posted: 2/22/2005 7:07:53 PM

Where is it?  I don't know why I have not heard of contemp. feminism.  I don't mind reading biased websites and articles. 


Topic: A Pill To Pop
Subject: A Pill To Pop - Posted: 2/22/2005 7:09:47 PM
Miss Priss wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:
Wire wrote:
Why do all drugs have names like that?


Names like what?


I hear that Dammitol is pretty good, too.


Good one MP...

Topic: When it just doesnt feel right
Subject: When it just doesnt feel right - Posted: 2/22/2005 7:13:49 PM
yogiguru wrote:

I still donít have a good feeling about this man. Even if heís separated, he may have reconciled with the wife and too cowardly to tell you this.



Ditto.

I really don't want to be negative but when I read your update, I thought to myself..."Still don't trust him.."

But only YOU know your own intuition and gut feelings, so go with it and I wish you the best. 

I hope Yogi and I are wrong.


Topic: Question for you all.
Subject: Question for you all. - Posted: 2/22/2005 7:18:33 PM

Congrats for moving on from the first guy.  It's hard and you have accomplished a lot!  Good for you!  I'm so happy to hear that you are feeling better and things are going well for you.

As for the friend, why not?  You never know where it may lead.  See what happens and proceed with caution.

Keep us posted!  I'm anxious to hear what happens next :)


Topic: Moving Forward
Subject: Moving Forward - Posted: 2/23/2005 8:38:52 AM

I'm so glad that you have moved foward.  It's a tough thing to do because sometimes it requires all of the stregnth that you have.  Congrats to you for taking your life in your own hands and doing something about it!

I had actually asked a question about flattening abs in another thread and yoga and other various exercises were mentioned.

I try to keep all of my time occupied.  Sometimes, I can go a little overboard and not even be able to go out with friends.  I set aside time to read a book because that consumes all of my thoughts as well.  Stay focused on bettering yourself constantly.  We are constantly changing and evolving. 

I applaud you and wish you the best :)


Topic: i dont know what to do!?!?!
Subject: i dont know what to do!?!?! - Posted: 2/23/2005 8:54:21 AM


Wow!  This is quite a story.  I know what I want to say, but Iím having trouble organizing my thoughts today so Iíll apologize in advance for rambling.

You do everything for him so why wouldnít he want to marry you?  Have you ever stood up to him?  Shared that your feelings?

On the sunny side, his roommate could have been just trying to get back at him or something with the girlfriend thing, but most likely not. 

So then he goes away and gets married for money.  I think that speaks for itself. This man is not capable of giving you the love and respect that you want and deserve.  It says a lot about his lack of honesty and integrity and shouts bad character!

So, now after all ths time, he thinks it is okay to just pick back up with you.  It's up to you to let him know that this behavior is not acceptable.

If you are afraid of what will happen when he visits, don't let him visit.  You are aware that old feelings may come back and you could possibly lose yourself and start this whole process all over again.  My advice is to cut him off.  You don't owe him anything, especially not an explanation.  He does what he wants and expects you to be there.  Not the kind of relationship I would want to be in and not the kind I want to see anyone else go through.


Topic: Moving Forward
Subject: Moving Forward - Posted: 2/23/2005 10:16:28 AM
yogiguru wrote:

Now the biggest change. Iíve lived in California 14 years. Iím moving on and closing this chapter of my life. Iíve had 2 nasty  breakups here in the last year and this is my sign from the universe that itís time to move forward. Iím taking a cross country road trip in July and Iím going to drive across America. Iím going to see family on the way and settle in Northern Florida. Everytime I think of this road trip and relocating it resonates with me in a positive way. This scares the shit out of me, but excites me too.



Wow!!  I have never driven cross country but that sounds exciting!  If you come through SC or GA, I'll be around!! 

Topic: Unreal Expectations of men
Subject: Unreal Expectations of men - Posted: 2/23/2005 1:15:41 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:

I donít think sheís coming back.



bunny, I have no idea why but when I read that I busted out laughing.  No clue why.  I want her to come back.

I think it's that you made that comment and kept right on talking

Or maybe I just need more sleep hahahahahahahahaha.


Topic: How would you feel about this?
Subject: How would you feel about this? - Posted: 2/23/2005 2:33:37 PM

Are those pics of a house you are considering buying?

At the apartments that I live in, you can break your lease and sublease if someone is willing to pick up the rest of your lease.  There's a fee and you and the subleaser have to sign a paper.  You could check into that.


Topic: Woman Auctions off Cheating Boyfriends Belongings on e-Bay
Subject: Woman Auctions off Cheating Boyfriends Belongings on e-Bay - Posted: 2/23/2005 2:36:27 PM
Is this legal?

Topic: Guilty verdict against father accused of hiding and abusing family
Subject: Guilty verdict against father accused of hiding and abusing family - Posted: 2/23/2005 2:40:44 PM

That story gave me chills and has left me speechless.  I cannot even imagine the trauma that the wife and children will face and deal with for the rest of their lives.


Topic: death of a cheater
Subject: death of a cheater - Posted: 2/23/2005 2:48:50 PM

This is the second story today that has given me chills.

I admire your courage and stregnth.  You are a selfless woman and I commend you.  Words cannot express what an admirable thing you have done.  This is something that I would see in a movie, not actual life.

Your husband knew you were strong and knew what kind of woman you really are and that's why he called on you in his time of need.  You are such a forgiving person and I'm still in awe over your story.

Bless you and I only hope that I can become half of the woman that you have been.


Topic: divorced & still in much pain
Subject: divorced & still in much pain - Posted: 2/23/2005 2:58:10 PM

I don't recall who said it, but I believe it was a writer who said...."I can sum up the one thing I have learned about life:  It goes on."

This is absolutely true!  No matter what we go through, how angry we become, how upset we are, who hurts us or who we hurt, life still goes on.  There have been times where I wish time would have just stopped for a few minutes and let me catch my breath and then continue.  No matter how hard I wished, it never happened.

I am with C.Star.  It's a step in coming here.  I encourage you to search through older stories and posts.  You will not be disappointed.  If you want to be inspired or encouraged in any way, surf around this site.  There are so many strong men and women who have been where you are and gotten through it.  Sometimes it is therapuetic to read others' stories.  I do it from time to time.  I also go back and read older posts of mine and see how much I have grown in such a short period of time.  I stumbled upon this website one night when I was upset and couldn't sleep.  It has been such a blessing to me and has helped me to move foward.

I'd like to advise you to do at least ONE thing per day for yourself.  Whether it's reading a book, taking a hot bath, watching the sunset, or whatever you choose to do.  Take that moment in time and make it yours.

Don't dwell on the what if's or beat yourself up mentally over why he cheated.  He chose to do it and it's not your fault.  Focus on there here and now and your future because that's what you have control over.  Let everything else go.

Feel free to come vent anytime and I wish you well in your healing :)


Topic: How would you feel about this?
Subject: How would you feel about this? - Posted: 2/23/2005 3:43:37 PM
chick1110 wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:

Are those pics of a house you are considering buying?

At theapartments that I live in, you can break your lease and sublease ifsomeone is willing to pick up the rest of your lease.  Thereís afee and you and the subleaser have to sign a paper.  You couldcheck into that.



Yes they are Lady..what do you think?
And thanks for that advice..this place is so strict you would
think they would give some provisions to long time residents.


I love it.  It looks like it's in a good and safe neighborhood too.  I'm with LMM...I love the maroon walls and vaulted ceiling.  It looks peaceful!  Two thumbs up from me!

Have you tried talking to your leasing office about a sublease?


Topic: Woman Auctions off Cheating Boyfriends Belongings on e-Bay
Subject: Woman Auctions off Cheating Boyfriends Belongings on e-Bay - Posted: 2/23/2005 4:54:48 PM
shattered4good wrote:

legal? hell yeah.

about a year ago (someone correct me if I am wrong) a guy auctioned off his ex-wifeís wedding dress.  She left him for the guy she was having an affair with.  It caused quite a stir and the guy made a nice piece of change.  I think he applied the money to the mortgage of the house he bought for the 2 of them.  There were even pics of the guy "wearing" & "modeling" the dress.  LOL!!!

I say go for it. 



I miss everything!!!!

Topic: Things like this, stuffs like that
Subject: Things like this, stuffs like that - Posted: 2/23/2005 7:03:14 PM
I love it!  That's a very sweet gesture...sweet and creative.

Topic: A little late night creativity
Subject: A little late night creativity - Posted: 2/23/2005 7:11:58 PM

I have been sick alllll day today coughing up my lungs, sleeping off and on, running a fever blah blah blah!!!  Anyway, now that it's a good hour to go to bed, I can't

So, I wrote another poem about past weaknesses and betrayal. 

What an exemplary vile poison you are

Your taste still lingers on the contour of my tongue.

I swallow your deception

and digest the facitious dialogue you expel forth.

I lie anesthetized by your dealings

and taken back by your loathsome actions.

You creep through my body

interjecting your repungance and exploitation into my being.

After triumphing my once preserved and tranquil spirit,

you expunge yourself and turn your cursed face from me.

I slumber unaccompanied

While you slither to the next simple soul.

 


Topic: death of a cheater
Subject: death of a cheater - Posted: 2/23/2005 7:33:12 PM
alma chapman wrote:
Thank you, thank you,thank you.......I need all the responses I can get. I remember when he left 14 years ago. According to him I did everything wrong. Why is it when men have affairs it is always the wifes fault. Granted I was not a perfect person or wife, but I took it,went to therapy and took responsibilty for my part. I really thought it was all my fault for a long time.I think it helped me heal to say to myself that yes 50 per cent was my fault and I had to go on, which I did..Little did I know how it would end.. There are some days that I feel like all this is a dream. This is something you read about not live it..Life can be hard when it comes to love.I sometimes wish that I had some answers but I need to realize that this is something I have to come to terms with but it will take time. Keep the messages coming because this has really helped me out so much to vent my feelings............


I think guilt causes one person to blame the other.  For example, I have found that when one partner is cheating, he/she may accuse the other of cheating-kind of a way to project his/her own guilt onto the other.

Of course you were not perfect.  None of us are.  If anyone even know how to be perfect, they'd be billionaires with best selling books and therapy sessions lined up.  It's all a learning process.  We are constantly learning about ourselves and adapting to change.

There was no way you could have predicted the way all of this would end.  However, I feel that you can stand strong and proud for handling everything the way you have.

I know the feeling of situations being a dream.  I am 23 so I don't have a lot of life experience, but I can look back on certain phases and things I have gone through and it just doesn't seem real to me anymore.  I find it somewhat healing. 

You're right.  It will take time.  I hate saying that almost as bad as I hate hearing it, but you and I both know it's the truth.

I am so glad you have found comfort in this site.  Please stay with us!


Topic: I need some advice
Subject: I need some advice - Posted: 2/23/2005 7:36:05 PM

You know what I think stinks???

It just plain out stinks to even have to check up on someone you are married to or in a relationship with.  I never want to feel that way again. If I am ever in a relationship and feel the need to check up, I'll probably go ahead and cut that person off.

I hate that feeling!


Topic: The lies they tell
Subject: The lies they tell - Posted: 2/24/2005 7:58:07 AM

Something to be aware of is him trying to turn it around on you.  He may try to flip the discussion around on what you are doing wrong.  It may be hard to keep him on track when he's spiraling down and he knows it.

I think he will also continue with the tears and pity act.


Topic: Want A Mans Opinion On This
Subject: Want A Mans Opinion On This - Posted: 2/24/2005 8:22:27 AM
Wire wrote:

With the "because I said so" mentality that Western society now has, people have lost touch with why things are the way they are.  In reaction, they define things without reason, and without reason, nothing is clear anymore.



I like the way you think.  I absolutely could not agree more.  Krissmiss told me in another thread (I can't remember her exact words) that society no longer respects or looks to intellectual thinkers but rather who can bring in the business. 

Wow, I can't get over that post.  I like that.


Topic: I miss...
Subject: I miss... - Posted: 2/24/2005 8:52:38 AM
Stefanee and Audii.  Anyone heard from them?  I know MP has been busy, but haven't heard anything from the other two.  There are some others I have missed, but can't think of names.  I hope they're ok :)

Topic: I miss...
Subject: I miss... - Posted: 2/24/2005 10:31:42 AM

Me too!!!  haha!!  Maybe we can achieve lifetime member status like you can at Weight Watchers (I think it's WW anyway).

I canít imagine not coming to this site.  If Iím really busy, I like to at least read and keep up with whatís going on with everyone.  I just really canít imagine ever leaving.

Iíll be a groupie haha!


Topic: Online dating
Subject: Online dating - Posted: 2/24/2005 10:36:19 AM
bunnyluvin wrote:
Dont know about the rest of you, but I am in the whirlpool.


I know!!!!  I'm thinking maybe the middle of the ocean during a hurricane!!!!

That was hilarious bunny


Topic: Online dating
Subject: Online dating - Posted: 2/24/2005 10:38:26 AM
edfrogz wrote:


I have a profile on eharmony that is just the free one and I am going to say that was has way weird guys on it..and match.com


I started one month with eharmony a while back.  I found that most of the men are ready to settle and marry and I'm only 23 and have no clue what I want, so I cancelled my membership.  I did American Singles and wasn't happy with the quality...and again, I'm 23 and am not looking for marriage as most of those men are. 

I think I just want to find guy friends but they all seem to want more.  Oh well :)


Topic: Woman Auctions off Cheating Boyfriends Belongings on e-Bay
Subject: Woman Auctions off Cheating Boyfriends Belongings on e-Bay - Posted: 2/24/2005 10:40:49 AM
CiarrahStar wrote:

 

Well now... anyone win the bid?



Oh that's right.  Today is the last day.  I'll have to check on it tonight sometime.

I just hope she doens't get into legal trouble.


Topic: Want A Mans Opinion On This
Subject: Want A Mans Opinion On This - Posted: 2/24/2005 10:53:08 AM
krismiss wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:


Krissmiss told me in another thread (I canít remember her exact words) that society no longer respects or looks to intellectual thinkers but rather who can bring in the business. 



OK, Iím feeling guilty about this.  I didnít mean to discourage you. However, the truth is, if you go for an interview for....oh, letís say a pharmaceutical sales rep position, the interviewer will question your abilities and skills because you majored in something like Philosophy.  This is true even when the other candidates, with degrees in marketing or business, have less work experience than you do. Remember, my degree is in English Lit, with a concentration in writing.  I know about this from experience.  Itís taken a long time for people to see my work history and skills and look past the degree.


Please don't feel guilty because you are right.  It is something I had considered myself.  I don't know what kind of job I can get with a Philosophy degree other than continuing and going to law school or something like that.  I'll get a degree in something more practical and general.  I can read philosophy on the side because I do that now already.

If you don't mind my asking, what type of work to do you do now?


Topic: death of a cheater
Subject: death of a cheater - Posted: 2/24/2005 3:29:32 PM

AC--

Your story still facinates me.  I actually was telling a friend of mine about it and she logged on to read.  Anyway, my question to you is what are your feelings?  Here's this man who cheated on you, walked out on you, yet would not sign divorce papers, and then calls you when he has terminal cancer and you nurse him 'til his death.  What are your feelings about him now?  Do you regret caring for him?  Do you feel love, hate, resentment? 


Topic: Paris Hiltons day planner & tmobile #s - Cheap entertainment for all!
Subject: Paris Hiltons day planner & tmobile #s - Cheap entertainment for all! - Posted: 2/24/2005 3:35:13 PM
krismiss wrote:
Wire wrote:

 

Thatís an awesome book.



Guess year it was when I first read that book.


Let's see..you are 34, so you were born in 70 or 71.  I'm thinking you could have actually read it in 1984??

Topic: I hate this place...
Subject: I hate this place... - Posted: 2/24/2005 3:41:28 PM
Wire wrote:

...and no, it actually isnít for a typical teenager reason.  I have no problem living out in the sticks like this.  Itís just... so many people are so stupid and immature here.  A good example happened today, for I used the bus this time.

I talk regularly to a guy at my school who Iíll call....Bob.  I regularly carry condoms and spermicidal foam in my schoolbag because if the mood were to hit Sophie and I, weíd like to be protected.  Anyway, Bob knows about this.  He was taunting some girls on the bus about how they should use it because theyíre slutty or something, even though they looked and acted virgin.  I told Bob to shut up because itís just spermicidal foam.  Then he starts asking why I have it in the first place (even though he knows the answer) just to draw attention.  A girl nearby gives a disgusted look at me and I asked her what her problem was, and she called me a pervert.

What is so perverted about practicing safe sex?  Why is that so bad to people?  Even the adults in this area act like if we donít completely take sexual topics out of our vocabulary, weíre somehow perverted, promiscuous and delinquent.  It irritates me to no end.

No, maturity can be seen in the ability to discuss such things calmly and with an open mind.  They canít do that.  I ask them what is so bad about sex and they donít answer me, but throw their hands up in frustration.  Now, Bob could be labeled as a pervert, because he deliberately attaches vulgarity to all sexual matters.  I try to have an open and honest sexual conversation with the people around me and.... I guess Iím just not getting something.  Whatís so wrong with it?



Are you in high school or college?

That is so annoying.  Sounds like Bob wanted some attention from the females but isn't quite sure how to get it.  Also sounds like Bob has some insecurity issues.

Something I have noticed about you, Wire, is that you are very mature for being a teenager.  You are wise beyond your years.  You have been through a lot in your life and have a different outlook than most people your age do.  Of course it is going to be frustrating at times to deal with people especially if you are in high school because there seem to be no outlets.

It is hard for teenagers to handle a conversation about sex.  They can have it, watch it, listen to songs about it, but can't seem to have a mature and logical conversation about it.  There isn't anything wrong with two consenting adults having sex or talking about it.  However, I don't think that your peer group can handle it.

So, my advice...if you want to talk about sex, talk about it with us on the board.

What an annoying bus ride.


Topic: I was watching the OC tonight...
Subject: I was watching the OC tonight... - Posted: 2/24/2005 5:52:23 PM

and for some odd reason I cried!  Maybe I'm just having one of those overly sensitive hormonal days.  Does anyone else watch it?  They make life and love look so complicated, which it is, but then it always has a perfect resolution and they all end up happy.  I know it's just a tv show but it got to me tonight.  Where are our happy endings?  Granted I'm jumping ahead b/c I'm only 23 haha.

I won't ramble if no one else watches, but I was referring to the ending Spiderman scene hahaha!

 


Topic: I miss...
Subject: I miss... - Posted: 2/24/2005 8:22:32 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:
You think this site will be around for a long time?  Long enoughfor me to grow up a little more.  Maybe for me to be in myforties? I  sure hope so.  I will try to stay aregular.  I love this site.


Me too!!  I feel like this is my little group of safe haven friends.  I think it will be around for a long long long time.  I hope so anyway.  I hope to still be posting when I have grandchildren! hahaha!!! (If I find a lucky man that is ;) )

Topic: Paris Hiltons day planner & tmobile #s - Cheap entertainment for all!
Subject: Paris Hiltons day planner & tmobile #s - Cheap entertainment for all! - Posted: 2/24/2005 8:27:28 PM
krismiss wrote:


Yes, the idea that we may be watched by the government at all times is frightening.  Imagine the incident on your school bus amplified 1000%.  The government would know everything you buy, everytime you had sex, everytime you sneezed.  I require more privacy than that. Furthermore, what business is it for anyone to know that information other than me?

Isnít "Saw" a horror flick?  Iím not into slice and dice films. With that said, I loved "Scream", although it it was intentionally campy.  I watched "I (Heart) Huckabees" tonight.  Awesome movie!  Very funny!  I think you would thoroughly enjoy it.  Dustin Hoffman and Lily Tomlin play existential detectives who help a man figure out the meaning of coincidences in his life.  It also stars Jude Law, Naomi Watts, and Mark Wahlberg.  Itís so original.  Loved it!!!!!

I almost rented "Ju No".  Has anyone seen it?  Itís Japanese and done by the same people who did "Ringu" (the film which inspired "The Ring").  How about "The Grudge"? 



Do you think the idea of Big Brother and such a large government is part of the Liberal Party's ideals?  Maybe ideals isn't a good word choice, but hopefully you know what I mean :)

If Jude Law is in "I Heart Huckabees", then convince me no further!! 

I have seen "The Grudge".  I think it's inspired after a Japanese film also.  (Could have been the one you were referring to almost renting haha).  It was good but too predictable.

 


Topic: Paris Hiltons day planner & tmobile #s - Cheap entertainment for all!
Subject: Paris Hiltons day planner & tmobile #s - Cheap entertainment for all! - Posted: 2/24/2005 8:29:34 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:
Wire wrote:
If thatís scary, you should go watch "Saw".  It should be on DVDright now.  That movie almost even got to me, and seeing howsimilar we seem to be from what Iíve read in your posts, youíd be oneof the ones most affected.  It doesnít affect those who arenít ofan inquisitive nature.


I saw "saw" twice in theatres.  I love the script and storylinebut they could have used better actors, and danny gloverís charactercould have been taken out.  But I still think itís a greatscript.  Have you seen "seven"?  


I have to say I could have never in a million years predicted the ending of "Saw".  I'm not into the gorry (sp?) movies, but that one was really good.  I would have never thought the killer was who it turned out to be.

"Seven" freaked me out too. 

Those movies that deal with the human psyche and mental disorders gone mad (not to use the term so lightly, but I couldn't think of a better way to say it) really freak me out.  The human mind can be a scary thing sometimes.


Topic: Woman Auctions off Cheating Boyfriends Belongings on e-Bay
Subject: Woman Auctions off Cheating Boyfriends Belongings on e-Bay - Posted: 2/24/2005 8:31:47 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:
34 minutes to go.  I am watching this to the final straw.  upto $2025.00.  Reminds me of when those people sold the grilledcheese sandwich and the cane with a ghost.  Except, you get a wholjack pot of items that you can actually use.


Was the grilled cheese the one with the Virgin Mary's face on it or something?  Or am I really confused?

Topic: I hate this place...
Subject: I hate this place... - Posted: 2/24/2005 8:37:03 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:
But I too have realized that adults donít want to deal with thetopic.  When you bring it up in public, or rather in a smallfamily setting, the ones around me wish to change the subject or say,"Thatís innappropriate to discuss here."  If its innappropriate todiscuss here, where will we discuss it?


I agree Bunny!

The media has so many commercials about promoting educating your children and talking with children about sex, but how many parents do?  I was very fortunate to have open minded parents who are both very involved in my life.  In fact, the last time I was at their house, a friend of mine from high school joined us for dinner and we all had a few drinks and had very open talks.  My friend couldn't believe that I would drink or talk about certain things in front of my parents.  I realize that I am very blessed to be able to be so open with my parents.

However, I realize I am one of the lucky few.  If it's so inappropriate to discuss it at home or with adults, then naturally, teenagers will turn to their peers which isn't always the best option. 

With the booming porn industry, sex clubs, etc. you would think it wouldn't be so taboo to talk about in regular conversation.

I think the both of you are so wise beyond your years.  I wish 6 or 7 years ago that I would have had a site like this to come to and the knowledge that the two of you have.


Topic: Woman Auctions off Cheating Boyfriends Belongings on e-Bay
Subject: Woman Auctions off Cheating Boyfriends Belongings on e-Bay - Posted: 2/24/2005 8:39:49 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:
bunnyluvin wrote:
34minutes to go.  I am watching this to the final straw.  upto$2025.00.  Reminds me of when those people sold the grilledcheesesandwich and the cane with a ghost.  Except, you get a wholjackpot of items that you can actually use.


Was the grilled cheese the one with the Virgin Maryís face on it or something?  Or am I really confused?


Yep thatís the one.  And then the french fry that had jesusís face.  They sold for millions!


I missed the french fry.  What did the grilled cheese end up going for?

I guess to fund the rest of my college education, I should find something really useless around the house and claim it's sacred and sell it.  Wow, that was not nice of me. 


Topic: Want A Mans Opinion On This
Subject: Want A Mans Opinion On This - Posted: 2/24/2005 8:42:47 PM

I've seen it in the micro lab and it looks like regular groups of cells under the microscope.  They kinda squiggle around a little.

I was referring to a patient who had it.  All he had was diarrhea and more and more and it was not a fun situation for him. 

Def. don't want to get E.coli.

I remember a few years ago when there was an outbreak at a water park in Atlanta where some children had used the restroom in a pool.  It was pretty bad.


Topic: Do sex and mood relate?
Subject: Do sex and mood relate? - Posted: 2/24/2005 8:45:38 PM
The threads lately have turned to sex and self induced orgasm.  I need a boy toy or a battery operated boyfriend ASAP

Topic: Woman Auctions off Cheating Boyfriends Belongings on e-Bay
Subject: Woman Auctions off Cheating Boyfriends Belongings on e-Bay - Posted: 2/24/2005 8:48:14 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:


exactly.  I think I have someleftover chinese food in the fridge - I think it may be a sign.  Ithink the grilled cheese went for millions as well, but not sure. It was a while back and I heard it on the news.

I donít think the items are going to be sold.  She set a reserveand it hasnít been met.  If its not met then the items are notsold.


Does your rice have any sort of unusual shape or what about the egg roll?? I think you're onto something. 

 


Topic: Paris Hiltons day planner & tmobile #s - Cheap entertainment for all!
Subject: Paris Hiltons day planner & tmobile #s - Cheap entertainment for all! - Posted: 2/24/2005 9:36:04 PM
krismiss wrote:


I think youíre right that "Ju No" and "The Grudge" are the same movie.   If "Saw" is smart and creepy, Iíll watch it. I thought it was just a thrasher movie.  Didnít know it had a plot and everything.

If you guys like great scary movies, watch "The Serpent and the Rainbow."  Itís about voodoo in Haiti and is based on the true story of a Harvard professor.



"Saw" definately has a plot.  I'm not a huge horror flick fan, but this one was good.  At the end, my jaw dropped and I had to pick it up a few minutes later.  You'd probably enjoy it.  Worth a shot.

I'll have to check out "The Serpent and the Rainbow".  Is it an older movie?

Man oh man...I feel a movie weekend coming on!


Topic: Paris Hiltons day planner & tmobile #s - Cheap entertainment for all!
Subject: Paris Hiltons day planner & tmobile #s - Cheap entertainment for all! - Posted: 2/24/2005 9:54:24 PM
krismiss wrote:


"The Serpent and the Rainbow" is from mid to late 80ís. 

Movie weekends are great!  My friends and I are trying to figure out what to go see this weekend. Only Oscar movies we havenít seen are "Being Julia", "Finding Neverland", and "Hotel Rwanda."  Have you seen any of these? 

I should be in bed, but I have a very upset stomach.  I may have a virus coming on.  God, I hope not!!!



A friend of mine has had the stomach virus today.  She left work early and went ahead and called in for tomorrow.  I think it's going around along with the flu or something.  I have been sick for two days coughing all night and day.  I slept for a while this afternoon so now I'm wide awake. 

I heard "Finding Neverland" was one of the best movies ever made.  My mom saw "The Wedding Date" and enjoyed it too.  She said the guy who played Debra Messings date was well worth seeing it again.  I haven't been to the movies in a while. 


Topic: Online dating
Subject: Online dating - Posted: 2/25/2005 8:17:09 AM
edfrogz wrote:
 had another date with Michael...it was just as great as the other one....this guy just makes me glow!


If you keep this up, I'll have to start wearing my shades to read your posts ;)  Good luck and I hope it continues to go well :)


Topic: The lies they tell
Subject: The lies they tell - Posted: 2/25/2005 8:23:31 AM
moving on up wrote:

hi thank you all again i do feel lke im going mad somtimes so it good to be albe to vent here. I should piont out the the receipt was in his coat pocket but i still belive it was his. our cell phones are down at the moment so its not been used for a while however he was very good a dealting texts messages his

inbox and outbox was always clear. I think it possilbe he is reciveing phone calls at work and some weeks he dont even get a day off , what he will do is phone me and say he is goinh into a meeting so that i dont ring him.

He has been very nice to me latley and i know he knows their is somthing wrong with me towards him , he still has not said a word about the day i confronted him so surley if he was inocent he would say somthing because i have been very very cold towards him. Dont get me wrong i know somthing went on but istill keep getting a very slight doubt because i have no solid proff. is this normal ? what can i do next. i want to bring this shit down, Thank again everyone x



It sounds like he is trying to avoid the confrontation.  Maybe he needs more times to think up more lies.  Or maybe he is feeling guilty.  Whatever the reason, you have your suspicions for a reason. 

Of course he is being nice.  He is going to get caught. I'm sure he's hoping that the nicer he is, the sooner you will drop it. DON'T DROP IT.  Investigate and find out up until the very end. 

It is my opinion that it's normal to doubt yourself.  This is a serious ordeal that you are facing.  I also feel that his behavior lately is a direct cause of your doubt.  Afterall, if he were cheating, why would he be nice?  Don't fall for it.  You have thought with your head and been so smart this far and I hope that you continue to do so.

Find out the truth and don't stop until you do!

Please continue to come and vent.  That's what we are here for :)


Topic: I miss...
Subject: I miss... - Posted: 2/25/2005 10:24:47 AM
Alexander wrote:
krismiss wrote:
Wire wrote:
I wonder if Steven will ever come back...


I thought about that, too.   Why did he leave?


Krismiss, I believe he is in ROTC training for the Army...


Is Steven Facechair?

Topic: How to find a man is gay or not?
Subject: How to find a man is gay or not? - Posted: 2/25/2005 10:27:36 AM

A friend of mine thought a man she had been talking to one night while a bunch of us were out was gay.  She kept turning to me wanting to know how to ask.  Finally, she came up with her own plan.  (The man was in his early 30's)

She said...."So tell me, have you been married before?" 

He said..."No, but I was engaged once."

So she takes that and ran with it...she said..."Oh oh, you're gay???  Oh okay."

And then he laughed and said..."No....ENGAGED, not gay."

They got a good laugh and she found out what she wanted to know.


Topic: Dinner with girlfriends parents
Subject: Dinner with girlfriends parents - Posted: 2/25/2005 10:30:39 AM
OMG...I'm still picking my jaw up off the floor!!!  That was hilarious

Topic: Got Milk
Subject: Got Milk - Posted: 2/25/2005 9:25:26 PM
ohhhh I get it now.  I kept looking at that picture trying to figure it out, but when you mention the cow is skinny, it hit me...wow, the cold meds are really getting to me!!! LOL

Topic: I Cant Believe He Did This
Subject: I Cant Believe He Did This - Posted: 2/26/2005 12:24:38 PM

DO NOT SECOND GUESS YOURSELF!!!!!  

You 110% did the absolute right thing!  I cannot tell you how proud I am of you.  What you did was maintain your self respect and dignity and leave!  Good for you! 

You let him know beforehand not to expect anything out of you.  I'm sure he thought he could be the "smooth talker" and get you into bed anyway.  You know what that tells me?  That tells me this man has no respect for you or the boundaries that you have set.  If he were really interested in you on more than  a piece of ass level, he would have respected your decision.

That comment.."If I ain't gettin any ass, you might as well leave..." flew all over me!!

Just imagine if you HAD slept with him last night.  What do you think things would be like today?  The situation could get ugly.  I'm so glad that you held your head high and walked out of there. 

In the words of Greg Behrendt, "He's just not that into you."

You did the right thing. 


Topic: I Cant Believe He Did This
Subject: I Cant Believe He Did This - Posted: 2/26/2005 12:25:52 PM

And another comment.  Keep going to that bar with your friends if you so choose.  Continue to hold your head high.  Go, hang out wiht your friends, and leave it at that.  He doesn't even deserve to fix your drink!


Topic: LIFE CHANGING EPIPHANY
Subject: LIFE CHANGING EPIPHANY - Posted: 2/26/2005 12:34:32 PM

WOW Yogi!!!  I have been in and out today and have read bits and pieces of your thread but I'm just now getting a chance to respond.  I am so excited for you!!!!!  It's such an awesome feeling to feel free isn't it? 

It's a wonderful feeling to walk around happy and smiling and then think to yourself..."I'm smiling because I'm happy without a man-I'm happy just being me."  The feeling is beyond words.

I admire your stregnth of taking things and matters into your own hands and doing something about it.  I only hope to be where you are soon.

I took my big step by signing off in Yahoo and AOL instant messenger and turning my phone off one night.  I now keep my phone on because I live away from my family and if they need to get in touch with me, I want them to be able to.  Anyway, you're right.  It's an epiphany that hits you like a ton of bricks.

In fact, this morning, I read some of your post and it made me smile and I said...."This is going to be a good day!"  The sun is out (after days of rain) and the temps in the mid 50's.  Such a beautiful day!  When I took a shower, I heard humming and then realized it was me! 

I just want to say that you are becoming the independent and classy woman that I (as well as others I'm sure) long to be! 

Keep holding that head up high and struttin your stuff!


Topic: Emotional Abuse is abuse, too! WATCH OUT!
Subject: Emotional Abuse is abuse, too! WATCH OUT! - Posted: 2/26/2005 1:37:32 PM

I am just now reading this thread.  I have no idea why I have overlooked it in the past.

Anyway, Hell-I encourage you to check out the thread Shattered just posted about how to know if an abuser has changed.  You have been through it and back a few times.  It takes getting to your breaking point and I'm not sure if you are there just yet.

I have been where you are.  It's a cycle and something has to break.  It will..one day you become so sick and disgusted and numb, then he will no longer matter.

It's hard because I can tell from your posts (on this and other threads) that you are a very compassionate and forgiving person.  Sometimes our stregnths are also our weaknesses. 

You love him, but he doesn't love you the way you want him too.  The hardest thing to do is walk away or to ignore those phone calls.  I remember a time when I would hear my phone, look at caller ID and my heart would almost jump out of my chest and I wouldn't know what to do.  I had that same feeling when the instant messages popped up on the computer.  It's so much easier said than done.

I want to encourage you to ignore this man.  He wants to string you along.  Of course he doens't want to get rid of you.  You are his one sure thing. 

A friend of mine found this quote and I'm going to leave it for you.

"One day he's going to wake up and realize how much he truly loves you and when that day comes, you will be waking up next to the one who already knew."

Hang in there.


Topic: LIFE CHANGING EPIPHANY
Subject: LIFE CHANGING EPIPHANY - Posted: 2/26/2005 3:58:28 PM

Yogi-

Thanks for sharing your story.  It is such an inspiration and encouragement.  It has helped me to understand who you are, where you come from, and in turn some of the emotion behind your posts.

I applaud you Yogi!!You have come a long way and you deserve the best.  I think you are on the right track to maintaining a postive lifestyle.  Congrats!


Topic: Emotional Abuse is abuse, too! WATCH OUT!
Subject: Emotional Abuse is abuse, too! WATCH OUT! - Posted: 2/27/2005 11:40:10 AM
hellhathnofury wrote:


Thanks that was really noce of you. Not sure if I am at the point yet sat in my room and cried last night for over 2hours totally depressed. i dont even want to hear from him again but thats what i said the last time, i dont know why he is like this i totally dont understand at all, which is unusual for me cos i usuallu can see things the way they are.


I know it's hard.  Every now and then, I'll have a sad moment where I'll cry or feel down but I try to counteract those thoughts with what is positive in my life.  I stop to think about the people who do care about me and who do encourage me and want me to be happy.

I've been there.  I thought I was done with him and could move on and then he'd hit a weak spot.  If I started out by not responding to him, he would pursue harder and harder until I gave in...but I always ended up with the same result-Him being an asshole again and hurting me.

I'm like you.  He was my one weakness.  It almost ended up costing me a lot more than it did.  I sacrificed morals, standards, who I was and what I did.  I had always been able to stand my ground, but I let him walk all over me.  But rest assured, it will never happen again with him or another man.

It's hard and it takes time.  Hang in there and never stop running from him.


Topic: I Cant Believe He Did This
Subject: I Cant Believe He Did This - Posted: 2/27/2005 11:46:01 AM
Miss Priss wrote:

Heís a lowlife, trimmed beard or not.  Sounds just a little bit like now since you DIDNíT give him he might start a chase to see if he can get it.  Donít fall for it, in the end heíll still be a prick and youíll have regret!

 



Agreed!!!  You have now become a challenge and unattainable to him so he's going to try anything and everything to get it.

Just remember he wanted you to leave if you weren't going to sleep with him and he's still that same man.

A little chase wont' change him. 

Stay strong and be aware!!!


Topic: The meeting with the Ex today....(Long sorry)
Subject: The meeting with the Ex today....(Long sorry) - Posted: 2/27/2005 11:51:03 AM

I'm with the others.  Don't read too much into it.  You're a smart woman and you are right-Time will tell.  Just be aware and keep things on a friendly level and focus on your son.

Always trust your intuition.  If you start to have a feeling that something isn't right, then don't let it go any further.

I think it's wonderful you two can have a cordial relationship since you share a son. 

I hope everything continues to go well :)


Topic: Margaritaville...
Subject: Margaritaville... - Posted: 2/27/2005 12:53:45 PM

hahahahahah!!

While Winner is shakin her groove thang...

Anyone seen my lost shaker of salt??????


Topic: Man Accused of Having Relations With......
Subject: Man Accused of Having Relations With...... - Posted: 2/27/2005 7:41:19 PM
I suddenly feel very normal

Topic: I Cant Believe He Did This
Subject: I Cant Believe He Did This - Posted: 2/27/2005 7:49:09 PM
Lee42812721 wrote:

You did the right thing by letting him know ahead of time that you were not sleeping with him.  If he had been a REAL man, he would have respected your decision.  You made the right move on leaving.  Some guy, wait most guys, think they are Godís gift to women.  Little do men know, women can survive with out a man.  Luckily you got away safely.  

He sounds like a loser!!

 



I agree once again!! 

Lee-I have been to albermarle (sp?).  I went camping and jeepin' at UWharrie!!  I have never heard of it other than being near UWharrie.  Do you know where that is?  How do you like living up there?


Topic: LIVING LARGE
Subject: LIVING LARGE - Posted: 2/27/2005 8:00:01 PM
yogiguru wrote:

Here are some exercises suggested to manifesting your desires:

1. Meditate daily. Nothing fancy, sit with a timer for 15 minutes. Try to temper your thoughts and let yourself come back to the breath. The author said it would be tough for a while but eventually youíll do it. So I started today. He said after 30 days youíll see a big difference and in 90 days your life will change in a big way. Being still and silent invites in peaceful vibrations. 
 


Is this a book you are reading?  If so, who wrote it?  This seems interesting.

I have tried to meditate before and it's so hard to clear my head.  How do you clear your head of all thoughts and what do you concentrate on?


Topic: LIVING LARGE
Subject: LIVING LARGE - Posted: 2/27/2005 10:14:50 PM
krismiss wrote:


Iíve been practicing mediation for about seven years and I am far from being an expert.  Again, as a reminder, it takes a lot of practice and discipline. Stick with it and youíll notice a vast improvement in your thoughts and health.  



I don't mean to sound ignorant, but what exactly does it do?  I've heard that it's a very positive practice, but how does it make a difference?

Topic: boyfriend stole my house keys..
Subject: boyfriend stole my house keys.. - Posted: 2/27/2005 10:20:40 PM

Am I right in saying that he made a copy of your key without your knowledge?  If so, then that's a complete violation of your privacy and trust. 

You specifically told him no and he went against your wishes and did it anyway. 

How did he know about the letter for your rent?  If he opened it, then that's another invasion of your privacy, not to mention, illegal.

If you two have been together for a while and you feel comfortable doing so, talk to him about it.  Explain to him why it has upset you and let him know that you value your privacy.

If you have'nt been together long, then this could get ugly if he's starting out this way.

Keep us posted. I'm interested to see where this goes. 

You have a good head on your shoulders so trust your instinct and do what you feel is right.


Topic: Date number 3
Subject: Date number 3 - Posted: 2/28/2005 12:46:01 AM

Is this the guy you met from the internet?

Sooooo....I'm guessing it's going well then?

Do we get the juice or what?


Topic: The lies they tell
Subject: The lies they tell - Posted: 2/28/2005 1:34:47 AM
moving on up wrote:

The plot thickins the little shit went to work with £250 in his pocket today and guess what he says hes got a meeting tonight so he will be late home from work.

He also went shopping yesterday and got me loads of my favorite stuff and some flowers, arh bless, i dont think so. anyway he does not know i know about the money so i will see what he comes home with tonight. I will keep you informed,



I hope he comes home with more gifts for you!

You're doing a great job staying aware so keep up the good work!

 


Topic: The meeting with the Ex today....(Long sorry)
Subject: The meeting with the Ex today....(Long sorry) - Posted: 2/28/2005 7:31:33 AM
Lady of Richmond wrote:

Thanks girls.  Iím not going to read anything into it, except the he has "seen the light".  Still, are they all so confusing?

When he brought our son to my home last night, our son gave me a slice of Key lime pie from a restaurant where they had dinner.  I thanked him, to which he said, "Dad got it for you."  I thanked the ex.  The ex addes, I remembered how much you liked Key lime pie.

Men.



When I read this latest update, I caught myself rolling my eyes....so there's my first reaction to your ex!

You're smart and are handling things very well.  Keep it up and we'll see how this unfolds....


Topic: Delete my old post .. please!
Subject: Delete my old post .. please! - Posted: 2/28/2005 11:10:23 AM
You can go back to the threads where you posted and then just click on delete and they'll be gone :)  Make sure you are logged in.

Topic: Quoting Quotes (Funny and Yet True)
Subject: Quoting Quotes (Funny and Yet True) - Posted: 2/28/2005 1:26:55 PM
Blythe wrote:

 

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?



I love it!

Topic: Bring my roomate home to meet my family
Subject: Bring my roomate home to meet my family - Posted: 2/28/2005 1:55:23 PM

I read your situation this morning but wanted to think about it before responding.  I am not bisexual so I had to take time to put myself in your shoes.

I think a main problem with your family is something that you can do nothing about.  Itís the generation gap.  Itís important to understand that the times our parents lived in were very very different than the time we live in.  I am 23 so Iím assuming our parents are in the same generation. 

A lot of the things we accept and donít really think twice about were "taboo" when they were our age.  Things that shock them are every day things we hear about. 

With that said, I want to say to talk to your parents about it again, but I canít honestly say thatís what I would do.  After thinking about your post, I would just go ahead with the plans and bring your roommate home.  Just be aware and careful about being intimate in your parents home or letting things slip.  That will at least get you through this trip.

After visiting, I think you should seriously talk with your parents.  If they canít accept and understand, then you know that you have done your part to make amends. 

You have to live your life for yourself.  In the end, you are the one who has to sleep at night.  A friend of mine once told me...Everywhere you go, there you are.

My advice would be to stick it out through this visit.  Then talk later.  That may not be the best advice, but thatís what I would do.


Topic: not too sure
Subject: not too sure - Posted: 2/28/2005 2:53:02 PM

If you are having doubts about your roommate being involved this soon, then don't.  If you aren't comfortable with it, then the guy you are seeing should have enough respect for you to understand. 

I think you should hold off a few more weeks or until you feel more comfortable with bringing in a third person. 


Topic: I WANT HIM TO HATE HER
Subject: I WANT HIM TO HATE HER - Posted: 3/1/2005 10:48:08 AM
coralita1959 wrote:

I WANT SOMETHING TO DO OR SAY IN ORDER THAT THEY HAVE A FIGHT.  I HATE HER.  MY HUSBAND  WANTS THE DIVORCE ,BUT I DONT WANT HER TO BE WITH HIM.    I WANT HIM TO REGRET WHAT HE DID TO ME.  I KNOW THAT HE IS WITH HER BUT I WANT A REVENGE.  HE IS LIYING TO ME ABOUT IT, BUT I HAVE SEEN THEN TOGUETER. SHE HURTS ME FOR MANY YEARS.

      coralita1959@yahoo.com



Welcome to the site!

You are angry, but behind the anger, it seems that you are very hurt.  I am not sure of your situation, but hate and revenge will not get you anywhere.  You want her to hurt him so that he will feel the same hurt that he has caused you at the same time you want him to regret what he has done to you.

You have come to the right place to talk about your pain and anger.  However, I don't feel that you should act out on it in any way.  The only person who will be miserable is you. 

If he is lying to you and wants a divorce, my advice to you is to try and seek marriage counseling if you think it is worth it.  If not or if he will not cooperate, then the only choice you have is to go through with the divorce.

My advice to you at this point is to come here and talk about your anger. We are here to listen.  If you feel like acting out on plans of revenge, come to this site instead and talk to us about it.  Someone is always logged on and can respond to you.  This way, you are able to talk about it without facing the consequences.


Topic: I WANT HIM TO HATE HER
Subject: I WANT HIM TO HATE HER - Posted: 3/1/2005 10:49:54 AM
Blythe wrote:


Sadly you canít make other people feel what they should.


Very good point.  No matter how hard you try or what you do, you cannot make him or her feel the way you want.  Revenge usually only hurts the one seeking it out.

Topic: Could this be true or just my imagination working overtime
Subject: Could this be true or just my imagination working overtime - Posted: 3/1/2005 10:56:23 AM
Texalicious wrote:

Iíve been trying to find out for 4 years now and havenít be able to come up with any proof. Iím going to buy me a microcassette and put in his apt. to see what I come up with. Do anyone else have any suggestions?

Itís a lot more the reason why I suspect him of cheating. I really donít know what else to do. Sometime I thinking about leaving him, but I want to make sure that I have proof first. I asked him to take a polygraph test and I was the one going to pay for it, and he refused. Sometime I wonder if he love me because if he want our relationship to work he will try his best to prove to me that he havenít cheated, but all he do is get mad at me. My daughter and I can be talking about someone cheating and if heís sitting there it seem like it irritates him and heíll mumble something and walk out the room.

I really believe that he has cheated with my ex-best friend because my friend will sleep with anyone. She was my friend before my boyfriend and I got together and I knew how she was, but I trusted my boyfriend not to cheat with her and all my suspicions points toward her. I havenít been able to trust my boyfriend for 4 years now and we constantly arguing about this because he have never given me a straight answer when I ask him about this. I used to be an outgoing and happy person, and smiling all the time, but now Iím constantly worried about this and cries often.

Any suggestions?

Texalicious



You should check out the Catch a Cheater Section at the bottom of the page. 

It sounds very suspicious and I think you should trust your intuition.  He doesn't seem to be a very good listener if he walks out of the room mumbling and gets mad at you so much.  It sounds like he is treating you bad regardless of whether or not he is cheating.

If you are upset and worried, then I will say it again, trust your intuition.  I dont' even like the fact that this guy gets mad at you and argues with you instead of showing you the love, respect, and attention that you deserve.

Again, check out the Catch a Cheater section, get your proof if you really need it, and then get out of this relationship.


Topic: neww
Subject: neww - Posted: 3/1/2005 10:58:14 AM

Welcome Coralita!

Feel free to come anytime! :)


Topic: Thank god Im single.........
Subject: Thank god Im single......... - Posted: 3/1/2005 11:07:58 AM
God wrote:
jan_18_1981 wrote:
Im thanking God that Im single!!!!!  Need I say anymore.....Thank the lord!!!


Youíre welcome.


It took me a second, but I got that one!


Topic: Thank god Im single.........
Subject: Thank god Im single......... - Posted: 3/1/2005 2:15:54 PM
jan_18_1981 wrote:
Yeah that was funny....Thank you. Im really glad to be out of the relationship. Ive just been out of town for the last few weeks on a little vacation up in the Madison,Wisconsin area to recouperate and have some fun....nice bars to go partying there and met some really nice people...sorry couldnt respond sooner. My advice is just to enjoy yourself and not worry yourself sick or into heartache over some jerk....whom will probably still be cleaning toilets or flipping burgers for a living at age 50,lol. Im glad to be single...Im trying to keep an upbeat disposition out of it....I love this website....gives me opportnity to chat with others or to just blow my steam,lol. Thanks girls


That's great that you were able to get away and have time for yourself.

You're right.  It's not worth worrying and having so much heartache over someone who probably doesn't care anyway!

If you ever want to talk about your relationship that you just got out of, feel free!

We're glad you are here too and come by anytime! :)


Topic: boyfriend stole my house keys..
Subject: boyfriend stole my house keys.. - Posted: 3/1/2005 4:15:08 PM
Darla wrote:


I think the reason for that is, I do love him I just wish that I could get him to change his bad ways or do I just need to accept him for who he is?? I donít know I am just confused at this point...He has his bad ways but sometimes he can be the sweetest person I know and maybe that is what I am dwelling on..There is also the fear of starting over and having to get to know another man all over again...  


Sneaky




If you don't like who he is, then don't accept who he his.  It sounds like you are settling for less than what you want out of a fear of starting over. 

Chances are, he may change for a little while but then he'll be back to his old ways again.  The only person that can change him is him. 

You don't sound very happy with him, so go ahead and get out before you invest even more feelings in this man.


Topic: Just words that are going through my head
Subject: Just words that are going through my head - Posted: 3/1/2005 4:53:45 PM
Blythe wrote:

Only trust people you love so love no one



I took it as donít fall in love and then you wonít have broken trust which leads to a broken heart.

I like that statement though.


Topic: Margaritaville...
Subject: Margaritaville... - Posted: 3/2/2005 7:53:46 PM
Alexander wrote:
I stepped on a pop top...its okay, thereís booze in the blender...


And soon it will render....that frozen concoction that helps me hang on...

Topic: Cool Art
Subject: Cool Art - Posted: 3/2/2005 8:21:32 PM

Ooooo...that was really neat.  Did you do make that?


Topic: boyfriend stole my house keys..
Subject: boyfriend stole my house keys.. - Posted: 3/2/2005 8:26:46 PM
Darla wrote:


Dear lady1981,

I thibk that you are right but that is easier said than done and for some reason I canít picture my life with out him...I am not sure what that means...I thank all of you for your help and keep on helping me..



Oh, believe me...I understand!  It is always so much easier to talk about, think about, and even play out scenarios in your head where you are walking away.  When it comes down to it, he hits a weak spot and you melt and stay. 

When you try to picture your life without him, what do you see or not see?

You made the comment that you are not sure how well you know him anymore.  I do not mean to pry, but has something else happened?

 


Topic: HELP GET HER OFF MY BACK!!!!
Subject: HELP GET HER OFF MY BACK!!!! - Posted: 3/2/2005 8:39:16 PM

Agreed!

She sounds like a drama queen.

Block her emails and contact info.  You have enough going on without having to worry about her drama.


Topic: I was enraged...
Subject: I was enraged... - Posted: 3/2/2005 8:43:03 PM

Looks like he's out on the prowl.

I guess more women will be joining you in hating him really soon because he'll do it to them too.

What a piece of work he is!


Topic: Just words that are going through my head
Subject: Just words that are going through my head - Posted: 3/2/2005 8:48:15 PM
alch wrote:
It is hard to trust anyone anymore. I only trust five people and I am 55 years old...............


I have always heard that through out your life, you will most likely be able to count good true friends on one hand.

Topic: Bunnyluvin
Subject: Bunnyluvin - Posted: 3/3/2005 1:17:25 PM
What kind of bellybutton ring is it?  I never could really see.  What's it look like??? 

Topic: boyfriend stole my house keys..
Subject: boyfriend stole my house keys.. - Posted: 3/3/2005 1:23:51 PM
Darla wrote:
I said that because he has changed alot since I met him.  Someone told me that what I have with him is more of a companionship rather than a relationship and that women tend to mix up the two...


And sometimes it's that companionship that we think we have that makes it so hard to let go of a man who treats us badly.

For example, when I think of my ex boyfriends, a lot of the time, I think about fun times or conversations-the companionship. 

I have to agree with LMM...he's not going to change and his behavior will most likely only get worse.

 

 


Topic: What to do first
Subject: What to do first - Posted: 3/3/2005 2:53:18 PM

Welcome!

I agree with what LMM said so I'm not going to repeat everything.

I just wanted to say that you should feel strong and proud for having the courage to leave this marriage before it gets worse. 

Good for you.

Please feel free to come by and vent or chat anytime!


Topic: A Cheater was Caught
Subject: A Cheater was Caught - Posted: 3/3/2005 2:58:34 PM
CiarrahStar wrote:

 

 

"You canít keep doing wrong to people and expect nothing to happen to you," she said.

Randy Brooks is now facing a felony polygamy charge, which is punishable by up to four years in prison.



I like that statement.

Only 4 years? 


Topic: Men farting is not sexy
Subject: Men farting is not sexy - Posted: 3/4/2005 4:50:38 AM

I think it's hilarious when they do it and laugh hysterically...doesn't take much to crack them up

However, yea...still on the gross side.

 


Topic: What is he thinking!
Subject: What is he thinking! - Posted: 3/4/2005 4:56:30 AM
I can't see your post.  Maybe there's something wrong with my computer.

Topic: Is there any good guys left?
Subject: Is there any good guys left? - Posted: 3/4/2005 4:59:42 AM
jan_18_1981 wrote:
Is there any perfect guys left?


Perfect?  I don't think so.  None of us are perfect.  We all have our faults and flaws.

I do think that good men are out there.  They may be few and far between but they are out there.  Don't settle for less than the respect that you deserve and he may find you.

On a side note, my best friend and I are convinced that all the good guys are dating each other;) haha


Topic: Did my husband have sex with another women?
Subject: Did my husband have sex with another women? - Posted: 3/4/2005 5:06:01 AM
Abby Normal wrote:
How the hell do you expect people on the Internet to figure out something that you canít figure out yourself? :P



?

Topic: Bunnyluvin
Subject: Bunnyluvin - Posted: 3/4/2005 10:57:05 AM
Oh my gosh Bunny!!  I love it!! I want one now!!

Topic: Cool Art
Subject: Cool Art - Posted: 3/4/2005 11:06:11 AM
Darla wrote:
ok so, I wanna make sure I did it right. the circles started moving for me  is that the same for everyone??


Yep...same here.

That was pretty neat.


Topic: suggestion from darla
Subject: suggestion from darla - Posted: 3/4/2005 2:12:21 PM

Busy bee LMM!!  You're doing a great job on the site!! 

I'd be up for having my age up sometime.


Topic: Unhappy Life
Subject: Unhappy Life - Posted: 3/4/2005 10:58:07 PM
boystwinsmom wrote:
I hope someone can give me advice. I have been married for 3yrs. I have children, and I am miserable. My husband and children treat me like I am trash. They say they love me when they want something done for them. My husband is 44yrs old, and with all his medical problems has the body of an 80yr old. I am so miserable. I am a stay at home mom. I feel trapped. I canít leave because I have no money, and no job. Thank you


Have you tried family counseling?  This may be a good idea if your family is willing to participate.

I want to suggest that in the meantime, you take time out for yourself each day.  Take a hot bath, go for a walk or read a book.

If your husband is abusive (which it sounds he is verbally?), there are women's shelters who can help you if you have no money.  There is always a way out and resources out there.

Please feel free to vent and talk to us anytime.


Topic: Run in
Subject: Run in - Posted: 3/4/2005 11:02:31 PM

I ran into the ex tonight.  We had a few drinks and were chit chatting.  He called some other girl in front of me and I politely told him Iíd be happy to leave and I didnít want to be in his way.  I meant no harm.  We are not together and I didnít want to be there if someone else was coming to see him.

He proceeded to tell me he was tired of my immaturity so of course it hurt my feelings.  Then he told me I was pouting and had not changed.  I walked toward my coat so that I could leave and I said..."Iím sorry that you feel that way."  After accusing me of being out with other guys (I wish!), he said..."Youíre not sorry.  Youíre just being you."

With that, I picked up my coat, grabbed my purse and walked out.  What a jerk.  I never should have even given him the time of day period and when I did he still continues to belittle me and make me feel stupid even after we are completely broken up.

I feel like he broke my heart all over again.  That comment really hurt my feelings...I'm not sorry, I'm just being me?  That hurt.  I think it's not so much that he said that, but more everything that he has ever said to hurt me or done to hurt me all came flooding back.  I came home in tears and cried for about an hour until falling asleep.  I just woke back up and will go back to bed shortly.

Back to square one in getting over him!!!!


Topic: What do you all think????????
Subject: What do you all think???????? - Posted: 3/4/2005 11:08:40 PM
sweet p wrote:
In the words of Dr. Phil, when they come crawling back step over them and keep on going.


I love it!


Topic: Responses to Pick-Up Lines
Subject: Responses to Pick-Up Lines - Posted: 3/4/2005 11:17:17 PM
shattered4good wrote:
Miss Priss wrote:

Shattered,  I sure would like to see your response to Abby Normals post in "Ask Helga" if you have the time.

Love....MP



no problem, MP.

I have been dealing with a lot of depression lately - its been almost a year since CYBERASSHAT and my bíday (gag) and I am just feeling awful.  I havenít wanted to read much but I will certainly go take a look

Hugs - shattered



Your posts are such an encouragement to me.  I enjoy reading the articles you find and looking at your website.

I'm sorry that you feel depressed.  It has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.  I hope that your days start to brighten up soon.


Topic: HELP GET HER OFF MY BACK!!!!
Subject: HELP GET HER OFF MY BACK!!!! - Posted: 3/5/2005 9:20:44 AM
Blythe wrote:
chick1110 wrote:
Block her emails or send her a polite message that you donít
want to be in the middle of this..how the heck did she get
your email to begin with I consider my email private not to
be given out to anyone without my consent.


She went onto Dans msn and got my info


Sounds like she has some personal issues that you or Dan cannot solve. 

It's his girlfriend so he needs to talk to her about it and she needs to change or just go away.

That's not normal.


Topic: Its been 4 wks and he says he wants me back
Subject: Its been 4 wks and he says he wants me back - Posted: 3/5/2005 9:30:31 AM

He obviously made you feel very badly about yourself.  You have come such a long way!  Look at the progress you have made.  You are smiling again, spending time with other people, and getting over him.  Nine times out of ten, he's not going to change and you are the rule, not the exception. 

I am not the best person to give advice on whether or not to go back because I kept going back and forth for a long time.  I know where you are and where you are coming from.  If you made this much progress, then I personally would not back track.  I have been there and it hurts even worse when you have to start back at square one again.  Just something to think about.

With this new friend of yours, be aware and careful.  Don't let him be someone to fill an emtpy void that your husband left.  Fill that void with love for yourself first.  Just my opinion though.

Please keep us posted on what happens next.  I wish you all the stregnth and wisdom so that you will make the right decision!


Topic: HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND, BUT HES SLEEPING WITH ME
Subject: HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND, BUT HES SLEEPING WITH ME - Posted: 3/5/2005 9:42:06 AM

Freud once said that our beds are crowded. 

This man has his cake and is eating it too.  Time to take the fork away!

Also, definately check out Shattered's site.  It's very informative! 

 


Topic: For Ryansylex.. my life story
Subject: For Ryansylex.. my life story - Posted: 3/5/2005 10:54:40 AM
Alexander wrote:


Dont feel you have to delete your writings. You are anonymous! You and others benefit from it in many different ways, yourself for one, you could go back read what you wrote and gain a wisdom not seen before. I reread mine and cant quite understand that I felt a certain way at the time I wrote it.

 



Chick-

I had a hard time revealing things about myself at first as well.  I would reveal a little at a time, but mostly would respond to others' posts.  Over time, I developed a trust over the board.  I know we are anonymous, but it's hard to put yourself out there in a vulnerable state.

I agree with Alexander.  Don't feel that you have to delete anything.  We are here to help and encourage and not to judge.  I have benefited from others' stories and have drawn stregnth from the women and men on this board by reading where they have been and so forth. 

With that being said, don't feel pressured to reveal too much too soon.  Take your time and go at your own pace.  Just know that we are here for you at any time you want to reveal or vent about anything.

I know that I have changed and I can tell in the way I think and respond to others now.  It's definately a benefit.

Do what you are comfortable doing.  We're all eyes and ears when you feel the time is ready :)


Topic: Run in
Subject: Run in - Posted: 3/5/2005 12:01:33 PM
Alexander wrote:


But I step onto the soapbox and ask...why did you agree to a few drinks, knowing how you were treated in the past?



Very good question.  Now that I have slept on it and I'm over it, I asked myself the same thing.  What on earth was I thinking???  I obviously wasn't!  Shame on me for thinking that he could be decent enough to have no other intentions than to just play catch up!

I think you're right.  Continued manipulation to see how far he could push me.  On a side note, I am very happy I grabbed my things and left.  I was upset and hurt and angry because old thoughts and past mistreatments came flooding back in, but I know that I have come a long way and I'll be damned if I'll look back now.


Topic: Teased me and now withholds sex. Help!!
Subject: Teased me and now withholds sex. Help!! - Posted: 3/5/2005 12:07:14 PM

Alexander proposed some very good questions that I was wondering myself.

Sounds to me like he has a deeper issue that you cannot solve, likes the ego boost, or is enjoying playing the game...thrill of the chase.

If he were to have sex with you again, what would you do?  Would you be satisfied and walk away or keep coming back for me?  My guess is that these thoughts have crossed his mind as well (although I'm not a guy and they're from Mars and we're from Venus).

If he just wants to be friends and this is something you are willing to try, then go for it.  Leave out everything else.  If you are going to constantly want more than him, then walk away before you get hurt.


Topic: Men farting is not sexy
Subject: Men farting is not sexy - Posted: 3/5/2005 12:08:52 PM

This thread is hilarious.


Topic: The DaVinci Code
Subject: The DaVinci Code - Posted: 3/5/2005 7:41:02 PM

Has anyone read it?  I was browsing in Barnes and Noble tonight and thought about buying,but I ordered some books off of Amazon.com instead.  Anyway, I was wondering if it is a Relgious or Christian book.  I saw in the Inspirational department a book called "Breaking the DaVinci Code" and was just wondering if there were parallels or something of the sort.


Topic: The DaVinci Code
Subject: The DaVinci Code - Posted: 3/5/2005 7:53:33 PM
shattered4good wrote:

 (I have been a practicing gnostic and am in the process of converting to Judaism)

Basically its facts wrapped inside a fictional murder mystery.  About what the Holy Grail really is, the truth about Jesus, a very out-there faction of the Catholic Church.  Ever read THE GNOSTIC GOSPELS by Elaine Pagels?

-shattered



What is Gnostic?  My parents and I are friends with a few Jewish families and they are some of the most wonderful and caring people I have ever met!

I think the murder mystery is what threw me off.  I had always thought it was a religious book and then when I read the cover, I was confused.  So does it have underlying meaning regarding the Christian church?  Sorry if I'm asking a lot of questions! haha!  I'm interested and may read.  I have a ton of books I want to read!

 


Topic: The DaVinci Code
Subject: The DaVinci Code - Posted: 3/5/2005 9:23:10 PM
krismiss wrote:

 Its basically more mystery stuff to unravel, which I find compelling.



I love to read about stuff like that.  I usually watch Mysteries of the Bible when I catch it on TV.  It's interesting what they find and how things are interpreted.

Topic: Another married jerk got caught
Subject: Another married jerk got caught - Posted: 3/6/2005 8:35:40 AM
krismiss wrote:

Why do so few people nowadays seem to lack character, integrity, honesty, dignity, self-control, and respect?  What can we do to change it?



My first thought on that is that we often confuse self love and respect with becoming selfish and not thinking of others.  There is a line between putting yourself first and having self respect and just plain out not caring about other people and doing what you have to do to take care of number one.

Topic: Venting - Scott Peterson, triggers & bad memories
Subject: Venting - Scott Peterson, triggers & bad memories - Posted: 3/6/2005 10:11:29 AM

This is amazing at how similar the two are!  I'm so glad that you are out of this relationship!  This man is so dangerous.

You are taking all of the positive steps foward by focusing on yourself and your children and by going to therapy. 

Something positive has come out of this situation.  You have created a huge website that helps so many women.  It is full of information so that others do not have to face what you have gone through. 

I admire the steps you have taken and the difference you are making in so many lives!


Topic: A Northern European man...
Subject: A Northern European man... - Posted: 3/6/2005 4:47:09 PM
Maybe it is my computer, but I cannot see your post.

Topic: Jerks Who Fuck WIth Your Mind: The Emotional Blackmailer
Subject: Jerks Who Fuck WIth Your Mind: The Emotional Blackmailer - Posted: 3/7/2005 4:47:54 AM

Do you feel that emotional blackmailers are aware of their behavior?

Do you think this leads to sociopathic behaviors?

On a side note, heartless-bitches does have some good articles posted.  I saw the link from your blogspot page.

 


Topic: 20 Traits of Malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Subject: 20 Traits of Malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Posted: 3/7/2005 6:31:30 AM
Miss Priss wrote:

Here!  Here!  for Shattered.  Sheís great!



a toast!

Topic: Three friends....how to make it work?
Subject: Three friends....how to make it work? - Posted: 3/7/2005 7:02:01 AM

Nothing hurts like the loss of a friendship.  I agree with your mom and Krissmiss.  Three's a crowd.  Women can be so "catty" at times so it makes it even harder.

My core group of friends that I grew up with grew apart when we graduated high school. Some went to different colleges and others stayed around the town we grew up in.  Some are married, some have children, others are still in school, single, taking different roads.  It happens.  However, I know that without any doubt in my mind whatsoever that if I need something, I could call any one of them and they'd be there.  We talk every now and then to catch up but things, people and times change and we have to roll with the times so to speak.

I think the same applies to you and your best friend.  You know that in the end, she will always be there for you and will always be your best friend.

Branch out on your own.  Make new friends and find new hobbies.  This may help the two of you grow closer and broaden into a large group instead of just 3.

I know it hurts and I wish you the best.

Let us know how everything goes.


Topic: Feels like forever...
Subject: Feels like forever... - Posted: 3/7/2005 8:11:08 AM

I miss you!!  I was thinking about you the other day wondering where you were and what you were up to.  Everything going okay?

Happy belated Birthday!!  A new chapter is now open! haha!

I know the feeling.  It's hard to catch up after not logging on for a few days.  My internet was down for two or three days and I thought I was going to go nuts and then I felt so behind!

Glad to see you back! :)


Topic: Feels like forever...
Subject: Feels like forever... - Posted: 3/7/2005 8:12:02 AM

And another thing...

You do give wonderful advice.  Never feel that you don't or that what you post isn't "good."  I enjoy reading your responses and love to hear what's going on in your life. 

Please do not feel that way!

You were missed!


Topic: Why Do younger woman go after married men
Subject: Why Do younger woman go after married men - Posted: 3/8/2005 4:30:16 AM

I'm glad things went well and thank goodness for penis erasers right?

Another chapter closes and another opens.  I wish you happiness and all the best!

Please come back and post and let us know how you are doing!  We'd love to continue to hear from you :)

Have a good one!


Topic: Feels like forever...
Subject: Feels like forever... - Posted: 3/8/2005 4:34:40 AM
Miss Priss wrote:

  Donít they look a little like the Southpark Kids?  Ha Ha.



OMG!  That is hilarious!! hahahahahahaha.  Instead of hearing a normal female voice singing in my head, I all of a sudden heard Cartman with Kenny mumbling in the background.  They really do look like them-especially lined up like that


Topic: Feels like forever...
Subject: Feels like forever... - Posted: 3/8/2005 4:41:29 AM
bunnyluvin wrote:


But I do need to update you on my current situation.  I went over to a friends house to spend the night saturday.  She bought wine coolers, but I said no, because well.  I just donít feel like drinking.  If I do something crazy I want to have control of it and remember. And she gets completely lashed when she drinks, so I knew that I didnít want her drinking.  Luckily she didnít force me to.  She didnít drink, and we ended up eating pasta, ice cream, brownies and cheesecake and watching jerry springer.  But the part I want to get to is the part about this new guy. 

He is the "pothead" as he says so easily.  He does say he uses it and that there is nothing wrong with it, but the other things he says is so right.  However, since this sight is up, I have been reading the posts on what signs to look out for and I am not rushing into anything without knowing for sure that this guy is for real.  I know, I know, you guys all told me that I should back off and not pursue this because I could get in trouble.  Which is why I am taking it slow.  He calls me every other night and we talk, playing 20 questions.  I think I finally have a few questions for him.  I know.  I am a stupid teenage girl, arenít I?



Good for you for standing your ground and not giving in to drinking when you did not want to.  This shows your stregnth and maturity!  I have a few friends who don't know how to have a drink or two.  If it starts with a drink or two, it turns into a 5 a.m. drunkfest.  Besides, desserts sound even better! :)

The only problem I have with the weed is that it is still illegal in the U.S.  My personal opinion on that is another story, but if he gets busted with it on him and you are with him, you are going down too.  I don't want to see that happen.  You are a bright youg woman with a lot going for you.  LMM's new charity would have to be "Free Bunny '05" if you get caught with this guy and we have to bail you out.

While you are taking it slow with this guy, continue to see other guys too.  You never know who you may meet :)  Don't limit yourself!

And if you say you are stupid one more time, I'm on a plane to Kansas!!!!  You are not stupid!!!!

 


Topic: HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMANS DAY!!
Subject: HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMANS DAY!! - Posted: 3/8/2005 4:44:06 AM

If vibrators could open friggin pickle jars, I'd probably never date again;)  Just Kidding!

There's a new book out that I saw at Barnes and Noble, but I forgot the name of it.  Anyway, it's a history and celebration of women's history and the impact they have made on American society.  I'll have to look it up if I remember later.


Topic: Brion Philbin - South Grafton MA
Subject: Brion Philbin - South Grafton MA - Posted: 3/8/2005 11:13:53 AM

I'm glad that you found the website and forum also.  Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing.

I understand how you feel.  It's hard to let go.  It's also hard to have conflicting good and bad memories with someone.  I understand that he cheated on you in Thailand and I'm proud of you for moving foward and not allowing this type of mistreatment to continue.

This is very cliche but in time it will go away.  In my opinion, the best thing to do is obviously busy yourself and get out there and spend time with friends and pamper yourself.  Also, I think it's good to hold on to the good memories and just let them be a part of your past- A part where you grew and learned from it.

 


Topic: For the Daddys Here
Subject: For the Daddys Here - Posted: 3/8/2005 11:23:15 AM
That was really good.  I am a daddy's girl so it almost made me cry!  I'm going to send that one to my dad!

Topic: I need some advices from all of you, please.
Subject: I need some advices from all of you, please. - Posted: 3/8/2005 12:05:45 PM

I agree with what the others have posted, so I'm not going to repeat it :)

I do have a book I want to advise you to read.  I just ordered it from Amazon.com.  It's called..."Be Honest:  You're Just Not That Into Him Either."  I flipped through it when I was at the bookstore the other day.  It's almost in response to the book, "He's Just Not That Into You" that was a huge hit among women everywhere.  This new book is about how we sometimes really aren't into the guys we are dating and we date them to fill time, sex, money and the list goes on and how to stop doing it and date men who we are into instead of settling for Mr. Right Now.  Check it out.  I am excited to get it in the mail and get started on it!


Topic: Porn: Just a
Subject: Porn: Just a - Posted: 3/9/2005 6:40:41 PM
minniemouse9 wrote:


I agree with you on this one i dont have a problem with porn my bf likes to watch it and learn new things (not the crazy things) but i do agree that there is a line that gets crossed alot of the time for alot of people


I agree with you Minnie.  I don't really have too big of a problem with it, but I do believe it can be taken to the extreme as well. 

The last guy I dated had actually done some videos for money in his past...or what I thought was his past.  Anyway, he would go to porn on the net everyday like checking email.  It never interfered with our sex life, but I do think it influenced him in a lot of things. 

He had a few obsessions and I ended up finding sex tapes and pictures of him with other women on his computer.  It was actually disgusting.  It seemed so minor to him and like sex was not a big deal.  I find sex physically extremely extremely pleasurable, but there is emotion to it as well.  The tapes were of different women.  Each segment was him with a different woman.  I was completely appauled.

 


Topic: This may be inspirational to you.
Subject: This may be inspirational to you. - Posted: 3/9/2005 6:46:32 PM

I loved the quotes!!

Isn't it you who likes collecting quotes?  I thought it was because it seems we talked about it on another thread.  I'm going to get my notebook where I keep quotes out for some of those!

Oh, you're location made me laugh.  In a pile of shit hahahaah.

Good one!


Topic: Dont date... Scott Peterson
Subject: Dont date... Scott Peterson - Posted: 3/9/2005 6:53:34 PM
krismiss wrote:


Because Iím trying to be more optimistic and not live life as a bitter grump (as I did for the first month after I learned the truth about my ex),



I don't mean to pry, but I have never read your story.  When I first joined the site, I remember reading about the idiot you met at the organic food store and he sent that wierd email...wierdo.

Is there a thread to your story or have you just never shared?  Again, I am not trying to pry.  This is the first time I have heard you mention him.  If you haven't shared and dont' want to, that's okay.  I was just curious :)


Topic: Dont date... Scott Peterson
Subject: Dont date... Scott Peterson - Posted: 3/9/2005 6:56:10 PM

I just have a hard time comprehending how someone can have a mask of sanity.  I know it exists, but it blows my mind.

I have recently begun to understand that my ex was a sociopath.  I NEVER saw the signs or even thought about it because he was so charming and somehow made everything that went wrong my fault!  I never realized it until I went to Shattered's site and started reading more about it.

 


Topic: The L.I. Lolita? All too familiar
Subject: The L.I. Lolita? All too familiar - Posted: 3/9/2005 7:11:30 PM
krismiss wrote:

Shattered, you may really benefit from watching Oprah. Why donít you like her? She is an extremely insightful person with an earnest desire to make a positive difference in the world, especially in the lives of women. Like so many of us, she has had to overcome great obstacles.  She was molested as a child.  She was impregnated by her molester at 14.  She had the baby but he died two weeks later. Her weight gain was the result of years of sexual abuse. She became very promiscuous in her twenties. And, as she says, she was "colored" when she first started working. Yet, she has risen to the top of the entertainment industry.  Sheís very inspiring.  Even when the show has atrocious stories to tell, she tries to remain a positive influence. I think the world is a much better place because of Oprah.   



I watched that episode also.  I barely remember hearing about the story in the media when it actually took place.  I think I was 11 or 12.  I do remember the movies that were on TV though and I always remembered the name Amy Fisher.  That man makes me sick.  We have all these different threads about manipulation and sociopaths and their behavior right now and I'm so glad we do!  I think education is key!  In fact, I mentioned in another thread that after reading and researching so much, I have come to the conclusion that my ex was a psychopath as well. 

I am by no means glad that Amy Fisher went through what she did nor am I glad to hear of Laci's death, but I do feel that it has brought a lot of attention to these types of people who have no regard for others and no conscience.

I had NO idea that Oprah went through all of that!  Oh my gosh.  My jaw dropped when I read that paragraph.  And she did it all without a man!  I wonder if she will ever marry Steadman?

I sometimes have questioned Oprahs sincerity but she has so much money that she could live without ever working again.  She has more money than she can handle!  I think she enjoys what she does and enjoys helping women and families.  I think if she didn't care, she'd retire and never deal with the public again.

I have benefited so much from her. I admire her stregnth and what she has accomplished as a single woman.  I had no idea she was sexually abused and was raped. Wow.

Shattered- I am sorry you had a bad experience with the producers at Oprah.  That surprises me.  I think she has the producers to her reseraching for her sometimes, so please do not let that turn you away from her.  Only you know what happened and I respect your opinion:) Do you ever watch Dr. Phil?


Topic: Typical Kinds of Love Addicts
Subject: Typical Kinds of Love Addicts - Posted: 3/9/2005 7:52:19 PM

Wow...This article is amazing.

I have found myself being the obsessed love addict recently and I have actually just ordered two books from amazon.com.  They are called:  "Obsessive Love:  When It Hurts Too Much to Let go" by Susan Forward and I also ordered "How to Break Your Addiction to a Person" by Howard Helpern.

I have taken the steps to get away from my ex, as we were back and forth for a long time in a very unhealthy relationship.  I have concluded he is a textbook sociopath.  However, I have the hardest time letting go of him.  I have physically let go, but emotionally, he consumes my mind.  I wonder who he's out with, what he's doing, even though I know he's out manipulating the next woman.  It's obsessive thoughts.  Anyway, I ordered these books and am working on clearing my thoughts of him.  He's physically out of my life, but I have to get him emotionally out as well.

Sorry for the ramble...

Once again, great article! :)


Topic: Feels like forever...
Subject: Feels like forever... - Posted: 3/9/2005 7:58:31 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:






 



I read on here that dating three guys at once is a good idea.  SoI am not going to stay exclusive, and if one wants an exclusiverelationship, I just am not ready to do that.  I want to enjoybeing single, but having someone to spend the weekends with.  Iwant to keep my options open right now.  Okay, I am trying to takesome photos right now.



I think it's the book, "Date Like a Man" that advises you to date 3 men.  It's called a pair and a spare ;)  If you want to read it, I can mail it to you because I am done reading or I can look up the author and you can buy it or order it. 


Topic: Dont date... Scott Peterson
Subject: Dont date... Scott Peterson - Posted: 3/9/2005 9:12:12 PM
Miss Priss wrote:


krismiss, you are an icon to me, have been one since I came upon this site, always will be till the end of both of our days here.  I am so impressed with everything you say, the way you conduct yourself and your life, I want to be more like you.  Sorry to gush...I am sure many hate it immensely.  I am in one of those "everyone thinks I am nothing" kind of moods, which does not discount the way I feel about Krissmiss, she is still first class.  When I was hurting in October, Krissmissí words were a comfort and a barometer.  She has this uncanny ability to sort through the bullshit and lay it on the line in a logical but compassionate fashion.  Love You Krissmiss...you have been there for me and I thank you.

 

Love.......MP



to Krismiss!!  I agree with everything you have said MP.  I couldn't have said it better myself.  Krismiss maintains class and dignity in what she says and does!

Topic: Need advise.........
Subject: Need advise......... - Posted: 3/10/2005 7:12:31 AM

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your son.  I'm sure you are very proud of him!

My thoughts- If this scares him away, then let him go.  You have been through a lot and just had your divorce finalized and your son probably feels like he has to be the "man of the house" and take care of you.  I think that's wonderful that he cares so much about you and isn't angry over the divorce! 

This man should see it for what it is- a child looking out for his mother.  If he doesn't, then do you really want to be with someone like that? 

I have never been married nor do I have children so I may not know what I am talking about, but have you tried to sit and talk with your son about this man you are dating?  What about having a talk with the man about your son?  I think communication is key here. 

Let us know how it goes! :)

 


Topic: Date number 3
Subject: Date number 3 - Posted: 3/10/2005 8:14:35 AM
edfrogz wrote:


Lol...I saw him yesterday.  It was my first sonís birthday so it was sort of an odd experience to go through with him.  I must suffer from "fairytale" syndrome.  There are 2 days of the year that I think my ex and I should be able to get along and talk and it never happens.  My son Anthoneyís birthday and his deathdate.  And I know pathetic me went out to the grave expecting to meet him there or see something he left, but nope...not a damn thing...just my flowers from last time I was there.  So I guess I am just flabbergasted at someone who claims our first son was so important and he has no balls to go out to the grave now.   Okay the rant begins.  I am pissed.  And itís stupid but jesus, why canít he just grow the hell up?


Don't worry about him.  You were there and that's what matters the most.  He obviously can't swallow up his own pride and go to the graveside.  That really makes me sad.  I had no idea you had a son who passed away.  I'm sorry to hear that.  You have really been through it ED!  You know we are all here for you :)

It's your ex's own loss that he didn't show up.


Topic: Feels like forever...
Subject: Feels like forever... - Posted: 3/10/2005 10:33:09 AM
bunnyluvin wrote:

 

I think Iíll look the book up.  I laughed when I read you would mail it to me.  ;)  Why that was funny?  beats me. lol



You probably laughed because I would actually mail you a book

It's called "Date Like a Man:  What Men Know About Dating and Are Afraid You'll Find out" by Jodie Gould.  Some of it gets kind of repetitive toward the end but the first few chapters are extremely helpful!  It's addictive and a pretty fast read.  I hope you enjoy it!


Topic: Snapdragon
Subject: Snapdragon - Posted: 3/10/2005 10:36:54 AM

That's what I look like in the mornings and what I feel like during exam time! That's a good one!

Where do you find all of these funny posts?  Do they come in your email or do you go to a website?


Topic: UGH!!!
Subject: UGH!!! - Posted: 3/10/2005 11:00:05 AM

Okay...I'll make this one extremely short!

I wrecked my car on Sunday night and they are thinking it is totaled.  I'm okay, not even a scratch or bruise, thank goodness :)

It's spring break and all my friends are out of town and I don't have any family here.  I was going to stay in town to job search.  The only person I had to call was my ex.  I hated doing it but I didn't know what else to do. 

The past few days, he has let me borrow his car and I have taken him to work and done what I needed to do and then pick him up.  I made all the insurance claims and so forth and should have a rental by the weekend.  The only other person I could have called was out of town on business, but now she's back so I'm okay for transportation if I need to go anywhere.

We've kept it on a friend level and everything has been okay.  Yes, he's the same one I ran into last Friday night and he showed out and I had to leave.  I didn't know what else to do or who to call and all my mofo's aren't within driving distance ;)

Anyway, last night I was sick with a migraine for about an hour or so (until the meds sunk into my system).  He got mad at me for puking and not being ready to leave when he was.  He then sent me a text saying I pissed him off for shutting the door in his face.  I did shut the door in his face because he was fussing and bitching at me and I didn't want to hear it anymore.  Today, he told me he was gettin sick of me being around and now all of a sudden I'm an inconvience to him.  He made everything feel like my fault and like I owe him something.

I just had no one else to help me out and no family in town so I had no idea what to do which is why I called him.  I know never to do that again!  Anyway, to sum it up, he made me feel stupid and like shit all day today and like all I am is a bother to anyone and everyone.

I cut off contact with him a while back and just now have started to talk to him again with this situation. His dealership is actually going to fix my car if it isn't totaled.  By the way, he told me I was stupid for the wreck.  I didn't see the car coming or I wouldn't have pulled out.  I just can't seem to stay away from him!

I've ordered a few books and I know what I need  to do.  I have a friend who's going to clean out his car with the stuff I have in it from my car so I don't have to talk to him.

I just had to vent and I don't understand how people can be such assholes.  Of course, I've already concluded he is a text book sociopath.

Okay, I feel better after venting...and I thought I was going to make this short but it turned out long! haha!


Topic: UGH!!!
Subject: UGH!!! - Posted: 3/10/2005 11:30:32 AM

And to top it off....

I was waiting on him to get ready and I was on his computer so curiosity got the best of me.  I found multiple sexual pictures with other women dated for the time we were still seeing each other.  There was a two week period where he wanted a break from me and during those dates, there were pictures of him with these other women.  Guess that explains the break!  I found all sorts of stuff.  I felt a little crazy for looking, but curiosity got the best of me.

I found two different sex tapes.  I fast fowarded through one of them and it wasn't a tape with just one woman.  Each segment had him with a different woman.  I was completely disgusted.

The things I never knew....He would always make comments..."You dont know the half of it" and "You don't know who you are dealing wiht..."

Apparently he was serious...

Anyway, glad we're not together anymore


Topic: First Date
Subject: First Date - Posted: 3/10/2005 11:34:31 AM

Okay, so I havenít been on a first day in a loooong time!  I think I have forgotten how to act, what to wear, and what to say!  I am going to dinner with someone new tonight.  Iím not expecting anything and he is aware and I was very up front with him that I just got out of a very unhealthy relationship and am not looking for anything serious right now.  Iíve had a rough week with the ex so hopefully it will end on a good note!

I look foward to a change.  Being out with someone new will be nice.  Iíll be more aware of any red flags so that I do not get into another situation.  I feel like Iím ready to get back out there and date, but weíll see.  If I donít feel ready after tonight, Iím going with my gut and not dating again for a while.  How do you know if you are ready or do you just get the feeling?

Any words of wisdom mofos?


Topic: UGH!!!
Subject: UGH!!! - Posted: 3/10/2005 11:59:58 AM
bunnyluvin wrote:


wow.  curiosity does do wonders.  did you find them while you were still dating, or was this just recently?



This past week.  I was over there because I was using his car and he was busy so I was on his computer and found them.  It makes me sick to think that was someone that I once cared about and trusted....

Topic: Todays Oprah
Subject: Todays Oprah - Posted: 3/10/2005 12:43:47 PM

I'm not sure what time zone y'all are in or what time Oprah comes on there, but it's about these women who found out about their husbands' secret affairs and double lives.  It is also about when you find out he is cheating:  Should you stay or go?

Just wanted to make you all aware if anyone wants to tune in.


Topic: First Date
Subject: First Date - Posted: 3/10/2005 2:47:20 PM

He cancelled.  He said he had a really bad day at work and didn't want to be in a bad mood the first time he took me out.  Red flag?  I think so.  He may not get another chance.  What do y'all think?

In the meantime, I'm going out for Japanese with a girl friend.  I'm not sitting at home! :)

Opinions? 


Topic: UGH!!!
Subject: UGH!!! - Posted: 3/10/2005 2:54:19 PM

Karma is a bitch!

He called this afternoon to say they did away with his position at work.  Then he said he'd get my clothes (remember-my whole summer wardrobe is in his car from my car since mine is wrecked) to me tomorrow.  That was it.  I told him I may send a friend to pick up my clothes.  I really don't want to see him to be honest.  Back to no contact.  It worked better that way for me. 

to him!!!


Topic: Todays Oprah
Subject: Todays Oprah - Posted: 3/10/2005 2:56:31 PM
shattered4good wrote:

 Let him explain to his wife & a national audience how he carried on quadruple lives with escorts while running his oh-so-ethical website.

 



I saw his website.  You'd never guess he was the way he was and lead multiple lives the way he did.  I was appauled at what I read and saw on his site.  I dont even think there are words to describe that man.

Topic: First Date
Subject: First Date - Posted: 3/10/2005 3:04:40 PM
cadia wrote:
You can do some searching online about Asian restaurants in your place - Thai restaurant, Chinese restaurant, Vietnamese restaurant, Japanese restaurant.. I like Vietnamese food because I am a Vietnamese :) have you every tried spring rolls from my country?


You know...I donít think I have ever had Vietnamese food.  I have eaten Thai food and I like Indian food as well.  I used to have a good friend and roommate(who moved away) and she was Korean.  Her family owned a resteraunt and I loved the Korean food!  Iím not sure how to spell the words, but I really liked the beef (Prugogi?).  Loved it!  In fact, she used to bring home 5 pound bags of rice and she had a special rice steamer so we had rice almost everyday!

Weíre going to a steakhouse that cooks in front of us.  I love that.  It makes dinner more fun :)


Topic: Need advise.........
Subject: Need advise......... - Posted: 3/10/2005 7:46:42 PM
starlight73 wrote:
Well he called me tonight and He wants to see me and my son again. Just had to let you all know . I will keep you updated. Thanks again.
 


oh good!!!  I'm so glad to hear it!!  please continue to keep us updated.

I wish you the best! :)


Topic: Comments from Abusers to Victims (Add Yours!)
Subject: Comments from Abusers to Victims (Add Yours!) - Posted: 3/10/2005 7:55:12 PM
shattered4good wrote:

"you fat ... ugly ... stupid ... moron ... c**t ... b***h ... whore... lazy  ... skank ... slut ... idiot ... crazy ... psycho" (please add every obscene word you can think of here, in case I left any out).

"Shut your f**king mouth" (add any and every other way to tell another person to shut up here)

"I canít believe someone so "smart" can be so f***ing stupid"

"you got sick on purpose to upset me"

"you have no idea what real work is"

 



Wow..I have heard all of these I quoted several times.

I've been called a crazy psycho plenty of times...

Also.."You don't even want to know what my friends think about you."

"I'm smarter than you'll ever be."

"I'm wasting my time."

"You know what I want you to know."

"Haven't you learned yet that things revolve around me and not you?"

"I have to treat you like a child because you act like one."

If I think of more, I'll post...


Topic: Need advise.........
Subject: Need advise......... - Posted: 3/11/2005 5:39:54 AM

Starlight-

I'm going to be frank with you.  As long as you are having fun, then keep doing it.  Sex is fun and if you enjoy it, go for it.  Just be sure to see it for what it is.  Keep your emotions in check.  I am not trying to rain on your parade, but just pointing it out. 

If he can get the "goodies" from you and know that he can get away without a committment, then he will continue.  Just be careful and make sure you are honest with yourself in having a good time and not wanting anything more.

If there comes a time when you want more and he doesn't, walk away.  Don't start settling for less than what you want.

If it's all in fun right now, then

Again, I'm not trying to be negative...just telling what I'm sure you already know ;)

Have fun! woohoo!


Topic: Comments from Abusers to Victims (Add Yours!)
Subject: Comments from Abusers to Victims (Add Yours!) - Posted: 3/11/2005 5:47:27 AM


Oooo....Iíve heard some of those too plenty of times and it triggered a few more...

"We have a special bond.  No matter what happens, I know that weíll always end up together."

"Iím just friends with these women and if you have a problem with that, then I donít know what to tell you."-even though found out later there was much much more!

"Iím going to do what I want to do."

"Itís not like that with her.  We have a very different friendship."-umm yea, I donít fuck my friends and sleep in their bed while lying about it either...

"You know Iíd never do anything to intentionally hurt you."

"I love you to death."

This thread is actually turning out to be pretty therapuetic to read what he has said to me over and over and to know that I'm not alone in the abuse and he's not alone in being the abuser. There are plenty of men like him out there. 


Topic: Cheats,lies,insensitive,controlling and occassionally uses!
Subject: Cheats,lies,insensitive,controlling and occassionally uses! - Posted: 3/11/2005 7:40:31 AM
iwanttohatethebastard wrote:
OMG!!! Help! I just checked his voicemail and it was a girl named angie calling to see how they (he and the other guy) were doing. I replied to her message with my number ....but she didn;t call me back. He did ..right after I GUESS SHE CAME TO HIS MOTEL AND TOLD HIM I CALLED. He said he hasnít cheated....you know "what r u talking about" "the other guy gave the # to her"..same ole shit!!!!!!!! I am so freakin mad and F*king miserable at the same time! My daughter loves this man to death. He has been good to her.....to tell the truth he did alot for me, but dam he is not at all the man i need in my life...I want to run away!!! Iím afraid if I see him, I will hurt him. I am so dam angry. I am not crying this time!~!@


What other guy was she asking about?

He's giving you so many lines and so much bullshit, I think I need to wear boots to read your post.  This man is cheating on you and can no longer give you the love you want and deserve.  It's time to let go.  It's so much easier said than done, but you have to get a hold of yourself and just do it.

How old is your daughter? 

I'm sure he has done a lot for the two of you.  It's part of the abusers game-to make you feel like you NEED him.  Well guess what?  You don't!  You can definately do without this abuse in your life. 

My opinion-cut off contact and move on. It's only goign to get worse and the shit will get deeper.


Topic: Date number 3
Subject: Date number 3 - Posted: 3/11/2005 8:18:41 AM
ED-I mean no disrespect by this, but have you sought counseling?  This is truly something that you seem to have a lot of built up anger and strong emotions over...which is completely rational and understandable.  I have never been through what you have so I am at a loss of words.  However, I am here and I do care.  I would encourage you to seek counseling if you choose to and haven't already.

Topic: Breaking news on CNN
Subject: Breaking news on CNN - Posted: 3/11/2005 8:26:59 AM

I was watching CNN.  In Atlanta, a man was on trial for kidnap and rape and ended up shooting an officer, the judge, a reporter, the clerk of court and kidnapped someone and escaped to the 8th floor garage after holding the courtroom hostage.  He actually killed the judge and clerk of court. Iím unsure of the complete story because I just now saw it.  Iím shocked!   All of it occured next to the state house so it's a highly toured and populated area. 

He tried to carjack several cars and they are unsure of his get away car. 

So, if youíre sitting at home, this should be an interesting story to follow.

They are searching for the man now.

I hope our mofoís in Georgia are extra cautious today!  That man is on the loose :(  Schools are on lockdown and that must be scary for the children and parents.


Topic: Breaking news on CNN
Subject: Breaking news on CNN - Posted: 3/11/2005 8:51:19 AM
bunnyluvin wrote:

omg.  That would be absolutely devastating to learn that your childís school is on lock down because some man with a gun is running loose through the cityís streets.  Not to mention that administrators tend not to let the students in on why there is a lock down.  If we had one here, I would want them to tell me because other wise I would be freaking out not knowing what is going on.  Atleast knowing there is a lock down because the guy is loose on the streets would ease me a little instead of thinking one of the students, inside the school, is carrying a gun and taking hostages.

Was this live when he shot the judge, or was it breaking news?



Breaking news as far as I know.  I was just going to catch the headlines and see what's going on in the world since I'm carless this week so I can't get a paper!  Anyway, that was all over CNN.

Topic: Feels like forever...
Subject: Feels like forever... - Posted: 3/11/2005 10:51:29 AM
wu.....

worked up?

Yea, donít text him or contact him.  Heís trying to play mind games and you donít have the time for that.


Topic: Dont Date Yahoo ID Smeag1971
Subject: Dont Date Yahoo ID Smeag1971 - Posted: 3/12/2005 8:32:03 AM
Alexander wrote:
i4 wrote:



Very informative...though it has nothing to do with the statement...not.


Huh? *scratches head*

Topic: The sites beginnings
Subject: The sites beginnings - Posted: 3/12/2005 10:36:14 AM

LMM-

I'm just curious.  How long have you had this site?  When did you begin creating it and what inspired you to create what has become a huge safety net and place to come and share stories, offer and take advice for so many women?

Also, not to pry, but I'm also curious about your story. You offer so much support and advice to so many of us but I'm curious as to where you have come from.  If it's none of my business, that's okay too.  Just curious :)......

 

 

 

 

 

and bored!


Topic: Digital Cameras...
Subject: Digital Cameras... - Posted: 3/12/2005 6:46:37 PM

I think mine was around 200 give or take a few dollars...not really sure but it's fairly inexpensive for a digital camera.

It's a Kodak EasyShare CX6330.  It has 3.1 mega pixels and is very very easy to use.  It has easy to use software for the computer.  Options to set the camera to photo: action, video, nightime, distant, close up, and then auto.  I haven't had any trouble with it.  It takes Kodak AA batteries.  I like it.  It's nothing way out there and fancy but my pictures come out very clear.  I sound like a commercial

Anyway, if you want, go to eopinions.com and type it the camera make and it will bring up reviews from other customers.

Good luck shopping :)


Topic: Heads up on Mark William Granieri, Mission Hills, CA - Run girls, run!
Subject: Heads up on Mark William Granieri, Mission Hills, CA - Run girls, run! - Posted: 3/13/2005 11:02:04 AM
Alexander wrote:

Kewl, I saw the photos, where do you ride? It looks like you could be in Southern Utah...



Do you live near Moab?

Topic: Represted Memories
Subject: Represted Memories - Posted: 3/13/2005 11:25:57 AM

I definately think you should bring these dreams out in your counseling and therapy sessions.  The thought of dealing with these memories and feelings is obviously causing some anxiety.

My dad has dreams sort of like the one you had about the car accident.  He will have a bad feeling that something is going to happen and when it does, the feeling goes away.  For example, my dad told my mom and me that he had a strange feeling a few Christmases (sp?) ago of 02 that someone wouldnít be there the next Christmas.  November of 03, my uncle and grandmother were in a car accident and my grandmother died after 5 days on the trauma unit.  There have been several other incidents as well.

I think it is unusual, but I believe some people just have that instinct.  My dad is no psychic or anything of the sort.  He just has an instint and senses things that most people donít.  Itís strange in my opinion.

Anyway, the point of my ramble is that as hard as all of this is, I feel you may benefit by bringing it out into the open.  Your therapist can help you deal with the feelings and work on improving your life.

I wish you the best :)


Topic: Represted Memories
Subject: Represted Memories - Posted: 3/13/2005 12:38:35 PM
starlight73 wrote:

 

This could get very interesting. . The 12th, 13th or 14th, some of that íwhy didnít I deal with that icky old emotional issue way back when, when the leaves were turning and a resolution would have been easier to findí blues could be back. Okay, so you should have taken care of it sooner.



I love reading my horoscope.  Sometimes I read it toward the end of the day so I don't walk around paranoid or wondering haha. 

Could be some truth to yours ;)

I wish you all the best in dealing with this.  You know we are here to support you through therapy and do all we can :)


Topic: Heads up on Mark William Granieri, Mission Hills, CA - Run girls, run!
Subject: Heads up on Mark William Granieri, Mission Hills, CA - Run girls, run! - Posted: 3/13/2005 12:44:11 PM

RP-

Have you considered a website?  Shattered4Good on this board also has a personal website. She posts articles and stories from other women.  It has seemed to help her a lot and she has a TON of useful information.  She usually posts her webpage at the bottom of her posts.  You should check it out :)


Topic: Its not you its me
Subject: Its not you its me - Posted: 3/13/2005 1:23:33 PM

Hell-

I understand where you are coming from.  I find myself searching for "red flags" and waiting to be betrayed.  It's important to realize that if you keep searching for something that's not there, you'll never find a healthy and satisfying relationship.  You could end up with self fulfilling prophecies (sp??) by expecting the worst.

I agree with the others.  Proceed with caution and stay aware, but don't search for what is not there. 

In my own life, I am considering a choice to take 6 months off from any type of serious dating beyond a casual lunch or coffee, etc.  I need some time to get my life back together completely. I don't mean figure out everything I want, but just to get back on track.  I have gotten myself into somewhat of  a mess from this last relationship that I'm fishing my way out of.  I feel like I'm taking positive steps and I have a strong support system.  I'm not necessarily advising you to do the same, but I just wanted to tell you what I am doing in order to heal and get past those feelings.  I'm also reading book after book on healing and learning about yourself and relationships.  I usually read two books at the same time.  A self help book (about a chapter a night) and then a book for pleasure.  This has really helped me.

I hope that you find yourself learning how to heal and move foward.  It can be so frustrating at times but don't give up!


Topic: Advice?!?
Subject: Advice?!? - Posted: 3/14/2005 9:09:59 AM

DazedStare-

It seems that a lot of us on the board are feeling the same way you are.  I think it's related to a number of things.  You have just come out of a relationship that has caused you pain.  You're probably scared, paranoid and full of mixed emotions.  My papa used to say..."It's a big world out there..." and he's right.  It's hard to meet people and develop trust.  As we have read about on this board, people lead secret lives. 

I told Hell and I'll tell you the same.  You don't necessarily have to follow what I have chosen to do but I just wanted to let you know how I am dealing with it.  I chose to take a good 6 months off from any serious dating beyond lunch, coffee, etc.  I want to be sure that I have truly healed from my last relationship so that I will be emotionally available to date again.  Not vulnerable...available.  During this time, I'm going to learn about myself and get to know me.  I'm making some changes and decisions and feel that it's best that I don't date.  Just a thought if you want to consider it.

These instincts of yours could be telling you not to date those specific men you have gone out with for whatever reason.  Always follow your instincts.  However, if it persists for too long or turns into something more serious, I would seek counseling.

I hope that helps :)  I'm in the same boat with you to an extent :)


Topic: Lobby to remove Abby Normal and all of her personalities
Subject: Lobby to remove Abby Normal and all of her personalities - Posted: 3/14/2005 9:14:04 AM

I'm ignoring. 

Any posts that I don't feel are appropriate or I feel that person is out to make trouble or stir up something on the board, I just ignore the post.


Topic: Cheats,lies,insensitive,controlling and occassionally uses!
Subject: Cheats,lies,insensitive,controlling and occassionally uses! - Posted: 3/14/2005 9:21:04 AM
iwanttohatethebastard wrote:
Yesterday he came home and beat the hell out of me. I called the polic eand he went before a judge this morning. He can not come around me for at least 150 days. I feel torn right now! he has dome everything in the world to hurt, but yet and still I feel sorry that he has no where to go. I checked his wallet and he only had a few dollars in it. He got paid over 900.00 on friday. I spent the weekend in a motel to avoid him. How can I make myself stop caring?????


I think you are making some progress whether you realize it or not. 

1.  He came home, beat you, and YOU called the police!!!  Good for you!!!  I was so happy to read that YOU did something about it.  That's a great step and I cannot tell you how strong and couragous you are for doing that.

2.  You have 150 days to make up your mind to leave this asshole.  You also have 150 days to get your life together.  Get a job, move out, do what you have to.  He cannot distract you or harm you in any way.  Focus on yourself and getting out NOW!!!

3.  You are a compassionate and caring woman.  You feel bad because he has no where to go.  However, that's not your problem.  The decision to manipulate you, treat you like shit, and beat the hell out of you was his decision and his alone. 

I think this is the the best thing that could happen to you right now.  You have 150 days to get away and go off on your own. 

You will stop caring when you stop enabling him and seek help.  You have been abused badly, both physically and emotionally.  Please seek some sort of counseling over the next few weeks. 

Yes, he has serious issues that he has to deal with on his own, but you have to get help and recover and it's okay to seek out help.

I wish you the best and please please take advantage of this situation and get away from him!


Topic: Its not you its me
Subject: Its not you its me - Posted: 3/15/2005 1:46:55 AM

Time to move on from him.  It doesnít mean that there is anything wrong with you.  Iím sure you have met men that you lost interest in for no apparent reason...you just did.  Feeling rejected hurts, we have all felt it.  Donít let it get you down.  Take a few days to recover and get back out there.  If youíre going to date, youíre going to have to face the fact that sometimes men will not be interested in you and you will not be interested in some men.  Itís nothing personal against you.

Thereís also always that chance that something more is going on with him. He may be having other problems such as family, personal, job, etc. which you are not to blame either.

Treat yourself to a new outfit or a pedicure.  Go for a walk to clear your head.  Just donít give up! 

Weíre all cheering for you!


Topic: Freedom OH sweet freedom
Subject: Freedom OH sweet freedom - Posted: 3/15/2005 1:52:57 AM

I am so happy for you!  I wish you the best in moving out and starting over on your own again!  I hope you and your boys enjoy your new home :)


Topic: Cheats,lies,insensitive,controlling and occassionally uses!
Subject: Cheats,lies,insensitive,controlling and occassionally uses! - Posted: 3/15/2005 2:08:44 AM


I would still encourage you to seek professional counseling.  You have a lot of deep rooted emotional trauma and the help of a professional would be extremely beneficial.  Have you tried to call a counseling center or office and requesting phone consultations?  You would probably go in for the first few visits for them to diagnose, write prescriptions, etc.  I donít know if they would offer that or if you are interested.  If it werenít for phone consultations, I would only see my therapist once every few months.  She lives in my hometown, 2 hours away.  Instead, we will talk on the phone and it acts as a session.  She gets paid and I get time.

Your emotional eating and fear of abandonment really needs to be addressed.  If you are unable to seek counseling, do a search for books.  I find them very helpful.  There is one that I would suggest.  Itís called "Obsessive Love-When It Hurts too Much to Let Go"  by Susan Forward.  It doesnít necessarily mean you are obsessed and Iím not trying to convince you that you are.  Itís a really good book and it addresses the issues of why itís so hard to let go sometimes.  She also goes into ENORMOUS detail about childhood feelings of abandonment and our needs to recapture those inner childhood feelings of security.  I strongly recommend it.

Have you tried to start an excercise program?  A short walk every evening can be very therapeutic and begin helping you lose some weight.  Your daughter could skate or ride her bike if she has one along with you. 

Again you have 150 days to get it together.  I wish you the best!  Weíre all behind you rooting for you the whole way!


Topic: (insert subject here)
Subject: (insert subject here) - Posted: 3/15/2005 7:55:10 AM
Wire wrote:

......

I find that I am bored or tense as hell if I donít know what is going on here.  Gee, I guess Iím attached.  Iím attached to a family I have never even seen before....

I guess I canít go, like I had planned...



You're back!!!!!

Topic: Advice?!?
Subject: Advice?!? - Posted: 3/15/2005 8:01:32 AM
dazedstare wrote:

 

Aside from that, what do men even expect on a first date? Iím sure it varies for the most part, but Iím still uneasy on the whole process. Iíve always just (ugh) partied with guys and met them that way. Not the best way, I admit it 100%.

Where can I meet some great men...Iím not religious, so please keep all those things aside...please advise!



It's not what men expect, it's what YOU expect.  How do you want to be treated?  Set those standards and expectations and don't EVER back down for any reason!

Are you in college?  The library is a good place and in class.  If not, a bookstore, coffee shop, etc. usually has men who are fairly intelligent and decent.  Squeeze in an hour or so here and there and join the YMCA or a sports team.  That's a great way to meet new people. 

Keep in mind you are 21- there's going to be hundreds of men to come and go over the next 10-15 years :)  I'm 23 and can't wait to meet the hundreds more left to come my way ;)


Topic: Freedom OH sweet freedom
Subject: Freedom OH sweet freedom - Posted: 3/15/2005 8:44:34 AM
ryansylex wrote:
My screen name is actually my old email address which is partly my soon to be exsí name Ryan. I would like to change it but then you guys might not recognize me. 


Change it and just let us know :)  No more Ryan!!!!


Topic: Its not you its me
Subject: Its not you its me - Posted: 3/15/2005 10:39:31 AM
hellhathnofury wrote:

but if heíd wanted to text me he would have done. end of story.



EXACTLY!!!  He could have sent you a text saying that he didn't have his diary but would like to see you- at least something! 

A man should never be too busy to at least drop an email or text to someone he wants to be with.  He should have tried harder!  But you have better things to do! :)


Topic: ryansylex new name
Subject: ryansylex new name - Posted: 3/15/2005 10:42:34 AM
I love it!!  It has a nice ring to it! 

Topic: The Audio
Subject: The Audio - Posted: 3/17/2005 4:00:19 AM

Bed of Lies-Matchbox 20

Since Youíve Been Gone-Kelly Clarkson

Toxic-Britney Spears

Slipped Away-Avril Lavigne

Wasted Time-The Eagles

All Apologies-Nirvana

Donít Cry Tonight-Guns n Roses

Cryin-Aerosmith

Janieís Got a Gun-Aerosmith ;) bwwwhahaha!

When I'm really really angry, I like to listen to System of a Down and just let the anger out and go for a run or something.

Wow..hahah..what a variety.  Britney and Nirvana then System of a Down hahaahah.  I like diversity!  Iím sure there are others but those are the first to pop in my head :)

 


Topic: After one is pregnant?
Subject: After one is pregnant? - Posted: 3/17/2005 4:39:11 AM

Worse case scenario:  It can spontaneously abort the baby or cause some serious birth defects. 

I have read and seen some women on the maternity/newborn unit at the hospital who didn't realize they became pregnant on the pill and continued to take it until they found out and they delivered healthy babies.

If it's deliberate and taken up to full term, then chances are- there are going to be some defects.


Topic: Help...
Subject: Help... - Posted: 3/17/2005 4:42:08 AM

I have found that a few Aleve work well.  While your sketching and studying, put a heating pad on your lower abdomen.  Take frequent breaks to rest as you need it.  My roommate drinks hot herbal tea when she cramps really bad and has a lot to do.

If I don't take the pill, I have extremely irregular periods and horrible cramps.  I used to do that.  I'd have a heating pad, some Aleve, work a while, rest, work, rest, etc.

I hope you feel better soon!!  I know it makes it worse to have so much pressure on you right now.


Topic: Netflix
Subject: Netflix - Posted: 3/17/2005 12:08:49 PM

Is anyone a member?  I was thinking of joining but I'm wierd about things like that.  Anyone had any problems or are you enjoying it?

 


Topic: Cheats,lies,insensitive,controlling and occassionally uses!
Subject: Cheats,lies,insensitive,controlling and occassionally uses! - Posted: 3/17/2005 1:17:50 PM
iwanttohatethebastard wrote:

Wow people! Thanks so much for the responses and the support. I am having some trouble getting through each day. I feel hopeless and did I mention.....heís back. I told him I think I think we need some time apart(just not to infuriate him), but he has no where to go and I guess he thinks itís still his home even tho he has been oredered to stay away. I take a few nerve pills evry evening and go to sleep. I canít wait for him to go away! As much as I love him, I know it is not going to work. He shows no real interest in me. Now I donít want him to. He spent a day and a half in jail, but his first appearance is Tuesady! Does anyone have a clue as to what will happen???? I have been supenoed and Iím soooo embarassed!



How is he back if he was ordered to stay away for 150 days?  Is it your house or his?

Why do you feel embarassed?  You have nothing to be embarassed about.  He's the one who should feel humiliated!  He is so weak and so pathetic that he had to resort to hitting and beating a woman!  You should feel proud of yourself for turning to the police.  There are many women in your position who would just take the beating and hope it doesn't happen again but you did something about it.  Feel good about that! 

You will most likely have to testify about what happened the night he beat you.  Do you have an attorney?  If the court has appointed one, then he/she will prepare you for what is going to happen and help coach you through your testimony.

and let us know what happens!


Topic: great first date/but havent heard from himwhat up with that
Subject: great first date/but havent heard from himwhat up with that - Posted: 3/18/2005 6:50:35 AM

I hate to, but I have to agree.  There are plenty of ways that he could have contacted you and he didnít.  Just let it roll off your back and keep going.  It doesnít mean that there is anything wrong with you.  Sometimes we just arenít interested in another person.  Nothing anyone did wrong.

Donít make exuses, just take it for what it is and move on to the next man :)  There are plenty out there!

Before you go on another date, pick up the book "Heís Just Not That Into You."  It has saved me a lot of wasted time and emotion and Iím positive it will do the same for you.  I think everyone should read it before getting out there and dating.

Good luck to ya!


Topic: Music Tastes
Subject: Music Tastes - Posted: 3/18/2005 7:01:50 PM

I like a variety.  I'm not a big country music fan though. That's one genre I could live without.  I do kinda like the song "God Blessed the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts though.  I love Classic Rock and 80's music!!  That has to be right up there on my list.  I like mellow music like Dido and Tori Amos, Damien Rice.  Actually I am on a Damien Rice kick right now.   I could go on an on forever about music but I basically like everything but country and rap is at the bottom too.

I'm currently listening to silence!!!  No one here and no noise so I am enjoying the peace :)


Topic: Stupid Women
Subject: Stupid Women - Posted: 3/18/2005 7:13:28 PM
krismiss wrote:

Iím so tired of stupid women blaming everyone else for their choices and mistakes.  We accuse men of thinking with their little heads, yet how women out there are thinking with their vaginas??  And, if I see one more piece of trash saying that her children always come first as she makes STUPID, STUPID decisions that could seriously jeopardize her childís life, I think Iíll scream my head off. Clearly, all of these "good mothers" are not thinking of their children first, they are thinking about sex and themselves. 

WTF is happening to society? 

I think Iím gonna puke.  Thanks for letting me vent!



I agree Krissmiss.  It's so frustrating. 

It seems so much easier to just blame a man for the mistakes that are made than to actually take responsibility for themselves. 

I think a lot of it has to do with low self esteem and lonliness.  It seems that more women are sacrificing themselves, their wants and needs just to be in a relationship period.  I have done it before and got burned.  I learned my lesson, accepted my mistake and am moving foward and I can assure myself and everyone else that it won't happen again EVER. 

I didn't see that episode of Montel.  I usually don't watch him.  I just feel sorry for the children.  At 9 years old, I was still playing sports and with dolls, not trying to set adults up!  I actually think at 9, boys may have still had cooties. 


Topic: Its not you its me
Subject: Its not you its me - Posted: 3/19/2005 7:09:32 AM

You're right.  He's being hot and cold.  I say cut off all contact.  If he texts you, ignore it.  Delete it before you can read it.  If he calls, don't answer.  If he leaves a voice mail, delete it before you can listen to it.  Don't respond to anything. Sounds like he's playing games of convenience.  If you play along, he'll keep doing it. 

Unless he moves mountains, then I'm standing by my .02 to cut off contact.


Topic: After one is pregnant?
Subject: After one is pregnant? - Posted: 3/19/2005 10:42:52 AM
Miss Priss wrote:
Wire, whatís up with this post?  Is there something else you would like to tell us?  Love........MP


Hmmmm...


Topic: Cheats,lies,insensitive,controlling and occassionally uses!
Subject: Cheats,lies,insensitive,controlling and occassionally uses! - Posted: 3/20/2005 6:15:09 PM
iwanttohatethebastard wrote:
HI everyone. thanks again for all the support. today has been a bad day! He called over and over last night...i didn;t answer..then today I call him! I feel like I have no control over myself. I ave cheated, beaten, lied to and every other ugly thing he could have done, but I am still finding myself wishing and wanting him to love me. I feel absolutely pathetic. I know he doesnít love me and I guess I should have known this for a long time, but Iíve not been able to let go. we go to court on wednesday and I am so nervous!! I wonder if heíll go to jail? I shouldnít even be thinking about him. I just want to die. I;ve wasted so much time in this relationship. I am so depressed.


Some days are going to be good and others will be rough. 

It's hard....your post reminds me a lot of the way I have felt in the past- so much that I feel like I'm reading my own past thoughts. It's self defeating behavior.  You will continue to feel out of control until you take the responsibility in your own hands and get a hold of yourself. 

You're looking for acceptance and you are not going to find it in this man.  He continually rejects you with his actions, but by chasing even harder after him, I think you are actually chasing approval from him and not actually him.

I don't think you have reached your breaking point yet.  It will come.  For some it takes longer. 

It's a horrible feeling to feel out of control and like you are going crazy.  It's hard to look at the person that you have become and hate yourself.  I remember saying over and over to my friends..."I hate the person I have become."  But you know what?  I became that person and no one could change me but me.  I got to my breaking point and am taking steps to become the person I was once and the person I want to be. 

We can tell you our thoughts, opinions and give you all the advice until we are blue in the face.  But until you reach that point where enough is enough, you will continue to go through this. 

Imagine how strong and liberating it will be in the end.  You will no longer be cheated on, beaten, etc.  It's hard when they keep calling and calling, leaving voice mails and text messages, emails, etc.  You'll get to the point where it won't mean anything to you anymore.  Just another phonecall, just another email.

I hate that I can't offer more advice or say anything more.  I do have a few books that have helped me.  I don't know if you are into reading, but it's worth a shot. 

"Obsessive Love:  When It Hurts too Much to Let Go" by Susan Foward

"How to Break Your Addiction to a Person" by Howard Halpern

If you start reading, it will amaze you.  The authors take the words right out of your mouth and the thoughts out of your head and help you work through your problems- relationship and otherwise.

I truly wish you the best and I really hope that you reach your breaking point soon.  It's miserable to feel that way.

 


Topic: My ex boyfriend abused me again and I didnt know how to reply him..
Subject: My ex boyfriend abused me again and I didnt know how to reply him.. - Posted: 3/20/2005 6:21:32 PM

Don't reply.  Don't talk to him anymore.  He is upsetting you and you recieve no positive benefit out of talking to him.

By reading your posts, it shows you are a very sincere and caring person.  You have a lot of life and personality in your responses to other people.  You are a genuine person and a rarity.

Don't let him beat you up emotionally any longer.  Is there any way that you can give him his cat back or either take it to a shelter where it can be adopted by a loving family?

All the curse words and replies in the world won't change him. 

 


Topic: Ah, the power of connections
Subject: Ah, the power of connections - Posted: 3/20/2005 9:29:52 PM

I think you have handled yourself with class, grace, and dignity.  You have showed Jack Shit and everyone else that you are a better person and that you deserve nothing but the best.

I'm sure it is a good feeling  :)

Bwhahahahahahah to him! *that was my evil laugh ;)*


Topic: What red flags do you go by?
Subject: What red flags do you go by? - Posted: 3/22/2005 2:27:09 AM
bunnyluvin wrote:
I donít know if this is a red flag or just a pet peeve, but when heleaves his cell phone on all the time and answers it all the time whileon a date, talking to the person on the other line for as much asthirty minutes while you sit there.  Thatís just rude.


Arrrggggh!!!   I agree Bunny!!!!  I CANNOT stand that!!!  If I am out with friends, I'll leave my phone on because more friends may call to come out.  If I am on a date, my phone is on silent or vibrate.  If a man cannot focus on getting to know me for a few hours on a date...just a few hours out of a 24 hour day, then he's not the one for me.  Major major turn off and red flag for me too!

Topic: Stupid Women
Subject: Stupid Women - Posted: 3/22/2005 2:36:18 AM
krismiss wrote:

Let me make myself clear, as I guess I did not express it well enough in my posts. I am not speaking about women who are CURRENTLY in abusive relationships.  I understand the paralysis and irrationality of an abused womanís psyche. I am speaking about women who never try to stop the cycle - even when they are alone and in a perfect position to stop it. 



As you know, I am healing and recovering from a very bad and negative relationship.  In my head, I say..That was an abusive relationship.  I donít think I completely realized it until a friend of mine pointed it out.  I have had a rough few days.  I have cut off contact and refuse to work things out or go back into the old cycle but he is continuing to call and continuing to play on my emotions and manipulate me.  He is leaving me IMs and voice mails in attempts to make me feel guilty.  I know itís part of his game and he will not change.  Anyway, I donít think reality ever sunk in until my friend said to me, "You are an abused woman.  He has never laid a hand on you, but you are abused."  Then it hit me.  I say it was an abusive relationship, but to hear it pointed out that I am abused was an eye opener. 

No worries- I am not responding to his pathetic attempts.  I am still healing and recovering and maybe snapping back into reality?? 

Anyway, when you say the paralysis and irrationality of an abused womanís psyche- what are you referring to?  Is that what I have been going through and am just now realizing?

I did not grow up in an abusive home- emotionally or physically.  I am having trouble understanding abuse and my internal feelings because I have never known abuse in any form.  Does that make sense? 


Topic: Recovering
Subject: Recovering - Posted: 3/22/2005 9:52:17 AM

Why do y'all think it's so hard to heal and recover from an abusive relationship?

Is it because it is so complicated or because there are many stages?

Or is it because so much damage is done to your psyche without you even realizing it happens?

I was just thinking about why it's so hard.  You know you are better and you know you are worthy of so much better treatment.  You know what the abuser has done to you.  But what is it that makes it so hard?  Not hard to move foward and leave the abuser, but what makes it hard to heal?


Topic: What red flags do you go by?
Subject: What red flags do you go by? - Posted: 3/22/2005 10:46:50 AM
bunnyluvin wrote:

Do you mean hypocrites wire? Where the person expects you to do something, but thinks that the rules only applies to you and they can do whatever they want?  For example, I canít talk to my guy friends, but its okay for him to oggle at strange girls and hang out with them while with me. hmm.... 



I cannot stand double standards!!!!  It is a huge red flag!!!!

My last relationship was full of them. 

OK, off the box now ;)


Topic: Ok call me weird but
Subject: Ok call me weird but - Posted: 3/22/2005 10:52:52 AM

You're not wierd at all!  I love animations.  A lot of them have adult undertones as well that you pick up on haha. 

I like movies like Mean Girls and Raise Your Voice too hahaha :)


Topic: hi
Subject: hi - Posted: 3/22/2005 7:24:03 PM

I wonder why it didn't post?  Try again :)


Topic: Music Tastes
Subject: Music Tastes - Posted: 3/22/2005 7:26:25 PM

I have just now started downloading the Phantom of the Oprah soundtrack to burn on a CD.  For some reason, I love that music!

My friend and I were driving downtown the other day on our way home from a movie. It was nice outside so we had the windows down and everyone around us probably heard the echos of ....Angel of Music....

Weíre dorks


Topic: Lullaby
Subject: Lullaby - Posted: 3/23/2005 5:54:33 AM
Oh my!  Is that a song?  Did you write it?  That was a jaw dropper!

Topic: Top 10 Things Not to Say While Arguing with a Woman
Subject: Top 10 Things Not to Say While Arguing with a Woman - Posted: 3/23/2005 6:04:09 AM
Alexander wrote:

 



Enchore (sp?  I think I just butchered that word!)


Topic: Hmmm...
Subject: Hmmm... - Posted: 3/24/2005 2:10:12 PM
chick1110 wrote:
I hope you are ok... have you heard anything?




I actually forgot I had started this thread a few months ago! 

I went to the gyno and had a negative pregnancy test and he said everything looked and felt normal.

He said that he felt it was mostly stress related.  So, I went back to my therapist and had my medication switched.  My therapist is 2 hours away from where I live now (I started going to her in high school and then moved after graduation).  She has agreed to talk with me over the phone once a week instead of me having to come into the office.  I am very grateful to have her.  Iíve been going to her since I was 16 and would hate to have to go to someone new.

Anyway, I ended up starting on Feb. 1 and then again mid march. 

Soo...we have chalked it up to stress and hopefully everything is under control.

Thanks everyone for your concern :)  I really do appreciate it!


Topic: i dont know what to do!?!?!
Subject: i dont know what to do!?!?! - Posted: 3/24/2005 2:19:20 PM
bowtied wrote:

ok i did it! i told him to fuck off! the thing that set me over was when i saw he kept logging on another site we are both on, but told me he wasnt online when he really was. (he didnt know i could see when he was on or off) so i  deleated him from yahoo messenger, the site we were on. thanks for the advice guys. i tryin to move on and date other boys now so hopefully i will find someone who wont treat me like brandon!!!

thanks again!



Oh gosh!!  This is such excting news!!  I am so happy for you and I am so glad that you ditched him!!

I'm sure you are going to be feeling so liberated over the next few days and hold on to that feeling. 

It's great to walk away isn't it?

Keep it up and good luck with the many many men to come!


Topic: Website
Subject: Website - Posted: 3/25/2005 10:35:35 AM

How do you make one?

I want to make a personal one with pictures and things I am interested in, etc.  So many people have really good ones.

Where do I begin?


Topic: Its been 7 weeks since hes been gone
Subject: Its been 7 weeks since hes been gone - Posted: 3/26/2005 1:59:26 AM

It sounds to me like you finally had enough and you just quit caring.  It's tough to let go, but you are doing a great job.  Let him squirm, worry, panic, whatever.  You are doing so much better and you are happier without him.


Topic: Easter Weekend
Subject: Easter Weekend - Posted: 3/29/2005 8:05:57 AM

I had lunch at my cousin's and her boyfriends.  My parents came in and some other family from NC.  It was a good time.  I ended up staying all afternoon.  We had a blast talking about the past and funny family stories 

 


Topic: just me
Subject: just me - Posted: 3/29/2005 8:26:09 AM
chick1110 wrote:
Darla wrote:

just me when I was inJamaica on my vacation..I was just chilling on the beach..I had so muchfun just canít wait to go on vacation again maybe I will goto mexico next time..



Darla you look like Naomi Campbell!!!


That's it!!!  Darla-  I knew you looked like someone I had seen on TV or in a magazine before and couldn't quite place a name!  But chick is right on! 


Topic: 5 myths about love
Subject: 5 myths about love - Posted: 3/29/2005 8:28:52 AM
minniemouse9 wrote:

House of 1000 corpses was a really good movie i though



I haven't heard of it.  What's it about?  Is it fairly new?

Topic: Egos
Subject: Egos - Posted: 3/29/2005 8:48:40 AM

Just wondering what y'all thought about this.

I was talking to my mom this morning and she asked if I did anything last night.  I was telling her I went to a pub with a few friends and we threw darts.  I told her that I beat two of the guys.  I didn't think anything of it.  I only started throwing darts maybe a month ago so I get all excited when I win

Anyway, she made the comment and I don't remember exact words...something about you don't attract flies with honey or something of the sort.  I asked what she meant and she said...You aren't going to attract men by beating them in games.  They don't like to be beat.  You should let them win and feed their egos blah blah blah.

What do y'all think?  It kind of aggravated me to think that I should have to feed a man's ego over something so trivial.  Just wondering if I'm alone in this opinion.  My mom grew up in a different generation than me. 

Do y'all think we should have to constantly feed a man's ego in such trivial ways?


Topic: Do you agree with the stereotype?
Subject: Do you agree with the stereotype? - Posted: 3/29/2005 8:55:46 AM
cwmac wrote:

Luckily, I had numerous ONS opps before the affair and never "pulled the trigger." Thinking of my wife didnít stop me. Thinking about my kids did.

 



What's ONS?

I agree with LMM.  You say that thinking of your wife is not what stopped you, but your children did. 

I am in support of whatever you choose to do.  However, I do agree that in a few years your children will be grown and out of the house and it will be just you and your wife.  How will life be then?  Are you willing to work with her on this?

Also- I have been following your story but have been busy and unable to post a whole lot the past few days.  How is your wife reacting?  Is she willing to go through therapy and work at this marriage as well?


Topic: i dont know what to do!?!?!
Subject: i dont know what to do!?!?! - Posted: 3/29/2005 9:03:10 AM
bowtied wrote:
i think iam going to get back my ex!. the one i ditched for brandon... god was i stupid! any ideas? iam sick of the same old boys i see around here i know i will be truly happy if i get my ex back...  i need to know a happy, romantic, but not physco way to do it lol...


I'm confused.

Brandon is the topic of your original post and you broke up with a guy you want back for Brandon?

Am I understanding correctly?


Topic: HELP hes sucking me back in.
Subject: HELP hes sucking me back in. - Posted: 3/29/2005 9:09:30 AM

You have come such a long way!  You and I have conversed through this message board about your situation throughout the whole ordeal.  You have picked your life back up, gathered up broken pieces and you are doing so much better now.  You even stated yourself about how wonderful things were going for you.

Don't look back now.  Take that rearview mirror off as you drive away and proceed with the divorce!  I know it's painful and he is making it so much harder for you by trying to suck you back in.  I have to agree with the others.  He knows exactly what he is doing.  He wants to know if he still has a hold on you- he's in a state of panic and trying to grasp anything he can.  Once he knows he has you, back to the same ole same ole. 

Your husband is stupid for treating a wonderful woman like you so horribly and abusing you the way he did.  Yet- he is also very smart because he knows how to get to you. 

My opinion is to keep on with the divorce.  I agree that it's not worth finding out if he has changed.  You have gone through so much and come so far. 

I am here for you no matter what you decide.  Keep that good head on your shoulders and you'll figure it out


Topic: What works well?
Subject: What works well? - Posted: 3/29/2005 9:17:33 AM

This may seem like a silly question...

Why do you need lube to masturbate?  Is it to get the same feeling as being in a woman or oral?

 


Topic: Just a poem
Subject: Just a poem - Posted: 3/29/2005 11:17:48 AM
That's some great poetry.  You are very talented.  Keep up the good work!  Do you write a lot in your free time also?

Topic: HELP hes sucking me back in.
Subject: HELP hes sucking me back in. - Posted: 3/29/2005 12:35:05 PM

I have heard a few of my female friends saying they dont' really want to date a man with children, but I have never heard any of my male friends say that.

There are plenty of men out there who won't mind.  Besides, isn't the type of man you want going to be one who loves you AND your children?

You're smart, beautiful, and you have a lot going for you.  Your children are adorable!  Of course it is going to be hard, but you're strong and you can do it!


Topic: Just a poem
Subject: Just a poem - Posted: 3/29/2005 4:28:10 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:


Yes, I write quite alot.  Short stories, poetry, novellas, andanything that comes to mind.  It was my life story, but now itsnot, thank god.  


That's such a wonderful talent.  I enjoy writing a lot as well.  Keep it up :) 

Random- Do you graduate from high school this year or next?


Topic: Easter Weekend
Subject: Easter Weekend - Posted: 3/30/2005 12:59:50 PM

Good one!

I'm still cracking up! hahah!


Topic: So life threw me another curve ball...
Subject: So life threw me another curve ball... - Posted: 3/31/2005 1:12:54 PM

My advice:  Stay away!

By reading your posts, you don't seem very sure, so just don't go for it unless you are 110% sure.  It could be for a number of reasons that he is asking you out.  He could be sincerely interested.

I do agree that it's not a great idea to get something started in the work place, especially with a manager.  If you are having fun just flirting, then keep it up ;)

Just keep your emotions in check.  You're smart and you'll do the right thing :)


Topic: ACoA
Subject: ACoA - Posted: 4/1/2005 11:39:07 AM

I am fortunate in that neither of my parents were alcoholics.  They both drink socially, but nothing further and they never drank in front of me as a child.  I am a huge fan of self help books.  I have learned so much about myself, people, and how I react to situations from books.  Good for you for seeking out knowledge which breeds power.  I have attended an Al-Anon meeting for a class and I think you will benefit from it.

Good luck to you Love! :)


Topic: Diet partner...please.
Subject: Diet partner...please. - Posted: 4/1/2005 11:47:09 AM
krismiss wrote:

Doesnít ediets.com also offer some online support?  I thought I saw that you can chat with someone 24/7 if you need to. Would be worth investigating so that you always have an available buddy.

Good luck!  Sounds like youíre doing great!

 



I think ediets does have someone 24/7.  Also, another suggestion could be Weight Watchers.  I'm not sure about your financial situation but I think it's $10 a week maybe??  That would be worth checking into.  You could go to weekly meetings and have plenty of people who are going through your same struggles. 

Another great way is to join a gym or pick up some type of exercise.  You'll meet other people who are interested in good health. 

Losing weight is one of the hardest things to do!  It's so easy to gain and it's a nightmare to lose.

and you'll get those extra pounds off! 

We're cheering for ya!


Topic: How do I keep a booty call, just a booty call???
Subject: How do I keep a booty call, just a booty call??? - Posted: 4/1/2005 11:54:45 AM

Eeeek!  This is a sticky one!

I see nothing wrong with a sexual relationship like you are describing as long as you are safe and monogomous sexually.  There is too much out there for either one of you to be sleeping around on the other.

I also see nothing wrong with it as long as you keep those emotions in check.  If you find yourself wanting more, go ahead and lay it all on the line now.  The sooner the better.  If he's not interested in anything more than a sexual relationship, then it's better to know now than to let your feelings develop into something more.  That will make it twice as hard.

If he's not interested in anything more, my advice to you would be to walk away.  That's hard, but once you develop feelings in a relationship like that, it's hard to back track. 

There's a reason why the saying is you can't have your cake and eat it too.  It doesn't work out and doesn't last very long when you have it that way.

Keep us posted on what happens.


Topic: Urinary Tract Infection
Subject: Urinary Tract Infection - Posted: 4/1/2005 12:05:32 PM

Absolutely cranbeerry will do the trick!  If you don't want to sit around drinking the juice, you can buy capsules at the pharmacy or grocery store.  Some people don't like the acidic taste of fruit juices or the added sugar.

If you don't want to drink it, at least pick up a bottle of the capsules.

I hope you feel better soon :)  UTI's are no fun!!!!


Topic: On Average...How Long...?
Subject: On Average...How Long...? - Posted: 4/1/2005 5:33:50 PM
I've always heard a man should last until the woman orgasms.

Topic: Its picture time!!! :)
Subject: Its picture time!!! :) - Posted: 4/1/2005 5:36:02 PM
chick1110 wrote:

Me and my guys


You are very pretty Chick!!!

Are those two men you are dating right now?


Topic: On Average...How Long...?
Subject: On Average...How Long...? - Posted: 4/1/2005 6:07:02 PM
chick1110 wrote:
Lady did I read in another post that you are 23?
If so you are very mature and wise beyond your years.
I always like reading your posts.
Iím not referring to this post Iíve just been meaning to
ask you that.


Yes, I am 23 and will be 24 in December.  I really appreciate the compliment!  Thank you so much Chick!  I enjoy your posts as well.  You are a very caring person and it shows :)  I try to listen and learn as much as I can from others' mistakes.  I've made several of my own and want to avoid learning things the hard way if at all possible!  Thanks again!  I really needed to hear that after this crazy day that I have had :)

Topic: On Average...How Long...?
Subject: On Average...How Long...? - Posted: 4/1/2005 7:18:43 PM
chick1110 wrote:
Iím sorry you had a bad day...chill  and enjoy the weekend
daylight savings time and all :-) Are you a fellow Sag or Cap
Iím Nov 30th but Iíll be 45 this year

Sorry Alex I didnít mean to sabotage your thread..carry on!



Oooo!!  I'm glad you mentioned daylight savings.  Do I set my clock foward an hour or backward an hour?  I always get it mixed up and get to church at the wrong time on Sunday morning .

I'm a Sag :)  Yay for us!


Topic: I think Im going to be a father....
Subject: I think Im going to be a father.... - Posted: 4/2/2005 5:50:02 AM

WIRE!!!!  Don't do that to us!!! hahaha!!!!  I read the topic and then remembered the thread about birth control and pregnancy!

Good one


Topic: Im going to do it...
Subject: Im going to do it... - Posted: 4/2/2005 9:16:54 AM

Hmmph!  So much for him trying to get you back huh?  As soon as he had a little grip and hold on you again, he goes back into his old ways and avoids your calls because he is out trying to pick up other women. 

Good for you for packing up and getting out of there!  When you get time, check in and let us know how you are doing.


Topic: When does the pain go away?
Subject: When does the pain go away? - Posted: 4/2/2005 9:19:34 AM
Are you able to work or do you currently work?  What about government assistance until you get back on your feet?

Topic: background checks
Subject: background checks - Posted: 4/3/2005 8:41:08 AM
krismiss wrote:

My rule used to be more liberal, but I re-examined it after I read  Yogiguruís thoughts on the subject. 



What's the name of that thread or do you remember? 

Topic: background checks
Subject: background checks - Posted: 4/3/2005 8:51:26 AM

I am also for background checks- especially when it comes to internet dating.  I am not familiar with dating websites, but I have heard about AmericanSingles.com and Match.com.  I have yet to hear anything positive about Match.  I have a few friends on there.  Actually one of my very best friends met a guy, dated him, and now they have broken up but remained best friends for almost 2 years.  That's a rare story. 

I find it very sad that background checks should even be an option.  You can't trust people you do not know anymore.  Anyone can put a profile up and pretend to be someone they are not.  In fact, a friend of mine met a girl through a forum and she had sent him pics of her former roommate and not herself.  They agreed to meet and she called him on her way saying that she hadn't been completely honest and so forth.  He said she was an attractive and nice girl but that was a huge lie and they would never be anything more. 

I have never heard of true.com but I will check it out for sure.

Another story...you were talking about cops and firefighters.  One of my best friends (the same one who met the guy on match) was married to a cop for about 2 years and he was very very emotionally and verbally abusive toward her.  Finally, one morning, she left for work and never came back home.  She called and said she was coming with her family to pick up her stuff and he better not be there.  She has not spoken or seen him since.  The lawyers handled everything for her.  He doesn't even have a clue she moved to another town. 

Anyway, point of all 3 stories is that you just never know and you cannot trust people you meet on the net or in public for that matter.

I vote yes for background checks and it's nothing to be ashamed of.  You are looking out for your well being- that shows you have self respect and you care for yourself! :) 


Topic: Living Will
Subject: Living Will - Posted: 4/3/2005 9:48:39 AM
krismiss wrote:

 I am going to argue this with them, as when the time comes, the house will be sold and their ashes will rest with strangers. I would rather throw their ashes in the ocean or Yosemite or the like.

I think I would prefer to be cremated, as well.  However, Iím currently thinking selfishly about not having a gravesite to visit my parents. If you can visit their urn, I guess you donít have this issue, right?



My cousin has constantly lived with kidney failure and is on the waiting list for another kidney. 

This conversation made me think of what her son said on Easter.  He's 8 and very aware of his mother's sickness and that she most likely will not see him grow up.  He is very informed and prepared. 

Anyway, she is choosing to be cremated and he said he would keep the urn on his dresser to remind him to make his bed and brush his teeth everyday.  I thought that was one of the most precious statements I have ever heard.

I love kids!


Topic: Where Are All The Good Men?
Subject: Where Are All The Good Men? - Posted: 4/3/2005 12:16:38 PM
Alexander wrote:
How can you tell that from three or so posts? The speech inflections dont match up, plus, she couldve read my other posts...however...This doesnt add up, there are men by the name of Jesus, they are usually Hispanic...Oh...pooh.


I'm with Wire on this one.  I thought that after I read the first post. 

Think about the story...the wedding at Cana, 12 disciples, etc.


Topic: Lobby to remove Abby Normal and all of her personalities
Subject: Lobby to remove Abby Normal and all of her personalities - Posted: 4/3/2005 12:22:24 PM
chick1110 wrote:
Is this the same gender confused individual that posts at
I hate men?


I don't go to the Ihatemen message board but from what I hear from this site, it is the same person.

Topic: Where Are All The Good Men?
Subject: Where Are All The Good Men? - Posted: 4/3/2005 12:24:20 PM
Alexander wrote:
You guys are sharp. Where is Cana? How can you tell that? Samís speech in writing...ah...got it. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...


In the New Testament of the Bible, it talks about Jesus going to a wedding at Cana.  When they ran out of wine, he turned the water into wine.

I'm not sure of the exact location.


Topic: Question...is there a place to shoot the breeze
Subject: Question...is there a place to shoot the breeze - Posted: 4/4/2005 7:33:49 AM

Since the chat room isn't working, I say go for it under General.  A lot of it is problem focused, but I have posted about my day or a bunch of random stuff going on before.  Of course, most of it was issues I wanted advice on, but I have posted issues that are completely unrelated to men and have revealed things about myself that way.  I say go for it under General and we'll have a massive thread of just shootin' the breeze :)  (Kinda like the lonnnnng thread of pics)


Topic: Missing The Narcissist
Subject: Missing The Narcissist - Posted: 4/4/2005 8:21:04 AM
inallhonesty wrote:

Hey Girl - Thank you!

I am so gald I am not alone - I donít feel as bad as before because I am glad I am not the only one this has happened too.  Thanks for the advice, it is soooooo hard to recover.  It is so hard because I can not talk to anyone because i am soo ashamed.  I really believed he loved me; he asked me to do and accept things from him but when it came time for me to ask him for the same he would tell me "it is not the same I am a man".  I was a piece of shit with no feelings is what he was telling me.  My biggest fear is that he would become everything I wanted him to be while being with someone else.  Would he be the great person I always wanted when he met the next girl in line or would his self centeredness, machisata way continue?  Will he really continue the same with his next victim and if so why?  I have already begged him to come back - how stupid - please tell me how to undo all the damage I have caused.  Will cutting off ties help me regain control of my life?  I AM SO SCARED!!



Anything worth doing is going to be hard- recovering included!  If it were easy to recover and heal and move on, then this site might not thrive the way it does. 

I understand your feelings of shame.  I was also embarassed at my behavior and to admit the things I put up with.  I have always been Type A and had it all together and then one man....and it all blew straight to hell so to speak.  In other areas of my life, I had it together for a while, but eventually I ended up in a mess.  It's in that mess that I looked around and realized that I had to take ownership of my own life.  It didn't happen overnight, but it has been a struggle over several months.  I am still not where I want to and need to be, but I know that if I keep going, I will be back to the person I once was- only stronger and wiser :). 

Do you have at least one support person?  I am fortunate to have what I have referred to (from reading a book) as an anchor person.  She is one of my very best friends and has struggled with the same thing once before.  If I feel the need to give in or call him, I call her.  If I start to think too much or blame myself, I talk to her.  She puts me back in my place and reminds me of what he did to me and urges me to press onward and reach my goals of being a better person.  Like I said, I am very fortunate to have such a person in my life.  If you do not have such a person in your life, lean on us on the site.  We will support you, encourage you and see that you get through this :)

This man really did a number on your self esteem.  It's not your fault at all that he treated you this way.  BUT...you have the responsibility to leave this situation and to move foward.  You are the only one in charge of your life so it's time to take charge!

Dr. Phil once said that when we break up, we often are not really mourning over the person or relationship, but we are mourning over the lost hopes and dreams of what we thought the relationship would become.  He may or may not treat the next woman the same as he treated you.  Of course, it weighs on your mind, but you have to control your thoughts and focus on YOU and becoming a stronger and better YOU.

There is a book that I want to suggest.  It's called "Obsessive Love:  When it Hurts too Much to Let Go" by Susan Foward.  I read it and it really brings to light your own behavior.  I am in no way saying you are obsessed with this man, but it's a great book for learning how to just let go of people that are not good for us and unhealthy relationships. 

Also, pick up a hobby.  Take up running, tennis, cycling- something to occupy your mind.  Exercise also releases hormones that naturally help you feel better.  At least take a 10 minute walk every day.  It will do wonders.

Cutting off ties will help you regain control because you are the one cutting off ties.  As soon as you do it, you will feel the control back in your hands because you made a decision and began to take action.

I really wish you the best.  It's so hard, but you are not alone! 

You have a great life ahead of you and it's time to start living it :)


Topic: Google search
Subject: Google search - Posted: 4/4/2005 8:59:22 AM
If you feel uncomfortable, you can always change your username on here and just let us know :)

Topic: Just a poem
Subject: Just a poem - Posted: 4/4/2005 9:01:39 AM
bunnyluvin wrote:


Well, she didnít call me this weeking.  I am relieved.  Its not that I am trying to be mean, its just that she makes me uncomfortable. 

I wish I had the number to sex-aholics anonymous.  does anyone know that number?  does it even exist?

Another guy asked yesterday.  I didnít know what to tell him.  I think I said the wrong thing.  I am terrible with spoken word.



Sex-aholics has a website

Another guy asked what?


Topic: Just checking in ! ! !
Subject: Just checking in ! ! ! - Posted: 4/4/2005 9:04:28 AM

Your happiness and well being is far worth more than 10k.  You sound like you have very loving and caring parents and I would hope they agree with me on this one.

Why do they think you are staying with them?

You can tell them in your own time...there's no rush.  I'm sure you have a lot going through your head right now.

Also wanted to say....What you have done is taken your life back into your own hands.  We are so proud of you.  I admire you for what you are doing!  Good job girl!


Topic: Ovarian Cysts & More ...???
Subject: Ovarian Cysts & More ...??? - Posted: 4/4/2005 9:09:38 AM

When it comes to your health, get a second opinion.  Look on your insurance companies website and you can usually do a search for doctors and other specialists in your area who are covered by your insurance.  Have you seen a fertility specialist as well?

and keep us posted


Topic: more poetry
Subject: more poetry - Posted: 4/5/2005 4:01:17 AM
I love to read and write poetry.  It's a great way to express yourself.  Keep up the great writing :)

Topic: Newbie
Subject: Newbie - Posted: 4/5/2005 4:03:53 AM
Alexander-  what is your avatar?

Topic: Spread the word
Subject: Spread the word - Posted: 4/5/2005 4:06:05 AM
I think I live in a hole...but what's anime?

Topic: Uhhh....
Subject: Uhhh.... - Posted: 4/5/2005 9:59:56 AM

Has anyone caught CNN recently?  I just got home and turned it on and there was a crazy car chase in California.  Apparently the guy was running people off of the interstate for 2 hours and they had to clear the roads to where he was heading.  Anyway, he's been taken into custody.  Just wondering if anyone else saw it....

People are strange.


Topic: What is the deal?
Subject: What is the deal? - Posted: 4/5/2005 10:04:21 AM

I agree with Michelle and Krissmiss. 

I think when our parents are trying to do what they feel is best and help, they end up being pushy and it gets annoying and frustrating. 

I think you have a good head on your shoulders.  You realize your own feelings and that you aren't ready for a new relationship. 

As long as you are honest with the family friend, I dont' see where you could go wrong or mislead anyone.

and let us know how this develops :)


Topic: Its picture time!!! :)
Subject: Its picture time!!! :) - Posted: 4/5/2005 10:08:25 AM

Cadia- You are very pretty!! 

There are so many attractive people on this site.  We're a bunch of hot lil mofos around here


Topic: What is the deal?
Subject: What is the deal? - Posted: 4/5/2005 12:11:23 PM
Alexander wrote:

He sounds very "traditional."

 



Ugh!  I know all too well about traditional parents!  My dad isn't so much, but my mom is a typical sweet southern lady who is very very stereotypical southern.  I have gone against the mold of the women in my family and my actions are questioned.  Examples:  I am not married, I do not plan to marry anytime in the near future, I do not want to be a housewife, I do not want a million children running around barefoot, I go to bars sometimes, I drink out of the beer bottle and not glass, etc.  Boy oh boy do I know what you're talking about there!

 


Topic: Online Dating Site thats Honest
Subject: Online Dating Site thats Honest - Posted: 4/5/2005 12:25:59 PM
shattered4good wrote:


1.  I have had the PTSD issues since I was 9 - I am now 48

2. I would never DATE anyone I met on a site like that.  For me, DATING is no longer an issue.  Pen Pals would be nice.

And I know what kind of people lurk on sites.  Particularly sites full of very vulnerable people.  On my abuse site I have a whole slew of articles about love online & online players.  I play things very close to the vest but I truly thank you for your concern!!



Is that you in your avatar Shattered? 

Topic: Online Dating Site thats Honest
Subject: Online Dating Site thats Honest - Posted: 4/5/2005 1:17:56 PM
krismiss wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:


Is that you in your avatar Shattered? 


LOLOLOL......I laughed out loud on that one.

Lady is young.  She probably doesnít remember Dr. Ruth. 



My bad! 

So who is this Dr. Ruth person?


Topic: Online Dating Site thats Honest
Subject: Online Dating Site thats Honest - Posted: 4/6/2005 7:32:31 AM
chick1110 wrote:
krismiss wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:
krismiss wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:


Is that you in your avatar Shattered? 


LOLOLOL......I laughed out loud on that one.

Lady is young.  She probably doesnít remember Dr. Ruth. 



My bad! 

So who is this Dr. Ruth person?



Didyouever see the show on Oxygen with Sue Johanssen? I think itís calledTalkSex. Anywhoooooo....Dr. Ruth was a psychologist who discussedsexualmatters like Sue Johanssen does.


That show cracks me up!!! Did you ever see that skit on
SNL where Eddie Murphy was in the HOT TUB with
Dr Ruth? LMAO I also like Girls Behaving Badly on Oxygen


Got it I love that show with Sue.  It cracks me up!

One of my very best friends is 29 and we were out for dinner last night and I asked who Dr. Ruth was.  I thought I was going to get sprayed with her drink because she busted out laughing.  She also compared her to Sue and her show. 

Live and learn :) hahah!


Topic: Online Dating Site thats Honest
Subject: Online Dating Site thats Honest - Posted: 4/6/2005 7:36:05 AM
Shattered- I admire your stregnth and courage.  Throughout a lifetime of abuse, you have still managed to do your research and help so many women avoid going through what you have gone through.  Your site is a wonderful resource and you have probably helped more women and men than you will ever know :)

Topic: Pet thread
Subject: Pet thread - Posted: 4/6/2005 8:04:11 AM

This is Peter.


Topic: Pet thread
Subject: Pet thread - Posted: 4/6/2005 8:07:24 AM

Biscuit and Rosie.  Rosie is older and isn't as playful anymore.  However, Buscuit is very young and likes to play and it's so cute because Buscuit will try to play and Rosie sticks her nose in the air and walks off.  Rosie's in heat and needs to be fixed so if you're wondering why she's wearing a "diaper". 


Topic: drawing your attention to an addition to my story
Subject: drawing your attention to an addition to my story - Posted: 4/6/2005 8:16:52 AM

Geeeeez Shattered!  This guy is nutty!!!!!

<---Jeff is from another planet!


Topic: False Alarm
Subject: False Alarm - Posted: 4/6/2005 8:26:09 AM

Ugh!  Figures....

Another trashy talk show in the making....

 


Topic: ok guys wish me luck
Subject: ok guys wish me luck - Posted: 4/6/2005 8:33:03 AM

Bunny-  I wish you the best!  I had my wisdom teeth out when I was in high school and I remember breaking a sub sandwich into little bits that same day and eating a sub hahaha!  Be careful and do what they say. A friend of mine went through hell with dry sockets from her surgery.  Take your time to heal and keep us updated :)

Krissmiss-  I hope that you don't have to have surgery.  Have they ever broken your ribs to do that surgery before? 

to both of y'all :)


Topic: Missing The Narcissist
Subject: Missing The Narcissist - Posted: 4/6/2005 9:02:11 AM

I'm confused.


Topic: Beauty and Skincare Products
Subject: Beauty and Skincare Products - Posted: 4/6/2005 10:11:48 AM

I like using Oil of Olay facial clothes at night to remove makeup.  I also use the face wash in the mornings.

Clinique has a great night treatment gel called acne solutions.  I donít have acne, but I put some on the occasional blemish and it works wonders.

Aloette cosmetics are pretty good too.  My mom uses some of their anti aging products.  Their makeup and cleansing solutions are made with aloe and my mom loves the way it makes her skin feel.  I have used it before but I donít like switching products and Iím spoiled by Clinique haha!

I do use the Aloette powder eyeliner.  I donít know why but I can never seem to use the pencil lines.  I really like the powder.  They also make a bronzer.  After all the makeup is on, you just fluff a little on your face and it accents your natural colors and makeup.

My hair has long layers and sometimes I like to flip it out and Multiplicity makes a really good swax (spray wax) and itís not sticky and lasts all day.

And then finally....my favorite hair product:  Redkens vinyl glam shining spray!  It smells sooooo good!  I use it every other day after I dry my hair.  It makes your hair feel so soft and shiny :)

If I think of more, Iíll post but those are some of my faves :)

This is a good thread.  Iím going to have to go shopping soon! hahaha!


Topic: How much is necessary ?
Subject: How much is necessary ? - Posted: 4/6/2005 12:43:27 PM
edfrogz wrote:
I am in that stage where grungy, tool packin, dirty manly man just does something for me...mechanic, construction, house builder....it just seems to turn me on for some reason.


Yea...there's something about those men.

I never paid that much attention until Desperate Housewives....the plumber, the gardner, blah blah blah...

I think SOME men look sexy when they're underneath a car and come sliding out and tell me what's wrong with the car.Hehe...not all men can pull that off...but those who can...WHEW!

Example below, but I won't keep it up too long so that I don't give away people in the pic ;) lol.


Topic: When your lrelationship ended...
Subject: When your lrelationship ended... - Posted: 4/6/2005 12:46:17 PM

I took up mountain biking.  I love the outdoors and it's a great way to enjoy the outdoors and exercise.  Not to mention I see a lot of great scenery (sp?)  :)

Do you have any other ideas Oceangal?  Besides a tatoo, what else are you thinking of?


Topic: How much is necessary ?
Subject: How much is necessary ? - Posted: 4/6/2005 5:13:27 PM
Alexander wrote:


Is that a Land Rover? Do you know these people? Iíd hate to work on those, my cousin has a Discovery SD and it has little headache problems...On the plus side, it only has 24K miles.

I see 4-5 dudes standiní around...no one has beer in their hands...



Yea...I was the one taking the pic! hahahaahahaha! 

One guy trying to diagnose the problem underneath and the others talking smack like they know how to fix it! hahaha!!


Topic: Is it wrong to...
Subject: Is it wrong to... - Posted: 4/6/2005 5:18:30 PM

walk out on a group date? 

I have never done this before but the more I recover, the less crap I put up with.  I was at a hockey game (last of the season!) with a guy and several other people.  He had talked down to me earlier in the night, but I decided to go and try to have a good time and not let him ruin my night.

Well, it continued during the hockey game and I got up and walked out during the game.  I didn't know how I was going to get home!  I walked outside and called a girl friend and asked her to come get me and she did.  Now I am home safely.

I am not used to doing things like that but I was tired of sitting there.  I wans't having a good time and I didn't like his attitude.  Not the kind of guy I want to be around!

Have any of y'all ever done that?  Was I being irrational or childish?

 


Topic: Avatars
Subject: Avatars - Posted: 4/6/2005 5:27:11 PM
shinaru wrote:

here are some more pics



Oh my!!!  I love those pics!! 

Where are you finding these or do you do them yourself?

 


Topic: Verizon and cell numbers
Subject: Verizon and cell numbers - Posted: 4/6/2005 6:02:00 PM

Does anyone else have Verizon?  I am going by there tomorrow to find out but curiosity has the best of me right now.

My cell number is not local to where I live now.  I have had that phone number since high school and it's an area code to where my parents now live.  Can you change your number without having to break contract or pay a fee?  I was hoping to get a local number to where I live now. 

Just wondering if anyone knew anything about that.  I couldn't find anything on the website.


Topic: If you hate the jerks...
Subject: If you hate the jerks... - Posted: 4/6/2005 6:31:53 PM
shinaru wrote:
i went buddhist for a while there is a buddhist temple in my city. its huge. thats where i studied. it was very peacful but i couldnt give up everything to go monk so i had to leave.


What drew you towards Buddhism?  I am fascinated by other religions and denominations of Christianity.  I enjoy hearing othersí stories and what draws them to certain beliefs. 

I have found myself drawn to the Episcopal (Anglican, Church of England) church.  I admire the reverence of Eucharist and the church makes worship a quite and reverent experience- something different than the Southern Baptist church I had always gone to. 

I love the cathedral where Eucharist is held and the long aisle and pipe organ, sculptures, art, etc.  Itís beautiful and a wonderful humbling experience.  I like the old and deep rooted tradition as well. 

Anyway, just wondering :)


Topic: Is there any good guys left?
Subject: Is there any good guys left? - Posted: 4/6/2005 7:00:57 PM
Demi-Gay wrote:


its those flaws and faults that make people perfect(weird preference things that i cant fully explain but makes sense to me... i guess in an emotional way?)

"Nothing is ever perfect. This world is imperfect. Thatís why its beautiful." -- Roy Mustang, Fullmetal Alchemist



I understand and hear what you are saying. 

I like that quote by the way.


Topic: If you hate the jerks...
Subject: If you hate the jerks... - Posted: 4/6/2005 8:13:41 PM
shinaru wrote:
Serenity drew me towards buddhism. but im now a wiccan. just fyi


It seems like someone else on the board is also.  I can't place who though...

Topic: If you hate the jerks...
Subject: If you hate the jerks... - Posted: 4/6/2005 8:18:12 PM
Alexander wrote:


Iím going to humbly argue against the idea that "ritual and tradition" are good, and religion is a vehicle to keep the powerful and corrupt in power to be corrupt, Keeping us in fear because of the unkown. I speak from the bitterness of those who live here, in the only Theocracy in the Union.

Utopian ideas and concepts are fine and dandy, but fear, intimidation, fraud, waste, corruption...money? As an Agnostic I have to believe that the energy waves of evil can rival the positive waves of love that the rest of us want to envelop around us. But why? Lust. Hate. Fear. Its like a loophole in time-conscienousness (sp?). We do not learn from history. Men, that is...

the first churches were caves to hide away from the unkown : lightening, thunder, tornados, and at the time of early human-hominid thinking, 10,0000-18,000 years ago, Mammoths were in our hunting-food system. And no technology. Only religion has defied change despite the leaps and bounds that technology has provided. Hubble? With that satellite alone, data on the accurate age of the universe has now been better determined.

Hooray, right? For whom, we should ask.

Comments? Wire has me all wound up, I wanted to change the subject abit...



I understand what you are saying.  Being from a Southern Baptist background, I learned at an early age about hell, fire, brimstone, etc.  It seemed as though I was being scared into going to church on Sundays, if that makes sense.  Then again, every church and minister is different so I am in no way going to say all Southern Baptist churches are like that. 

I enjoy the peacefulness of the current church.  It's a different experience for me.  I do not feel that I am going there out of fear, but I definately understand what you mean.  I am completely taken by the reverence.  It seems the focus there is on community service projects and the good things so to speak, which is what I enjoy.

Anyway, you have very good points.  Can you tell me exactly what it is to be Agnostic?  Is that considered a religion in itself?  I don't believe I know anyone who is Agnostic.


Topic: All women beware of Nathaniel ONeill/Hughes in Nz
Subject: All women beware of Nathaniel ONeill/Hughes in Nz - Posted: 4/6/2005 8:23:00 PM

Have you talked to Shattered4Good on this site through any posts?  I believe she has M.S. as well.  Do you feel he treats you this way because of your illness? 

No matter how many men in the world want you, it's what you think about yourself.  You have to rise above your illness and above your husband and do what's best for you.  I have found that peace of mind is one of the greatest feelings in the world and as long as you have that, you can't go wrong.

What are you considering doing now?  Any ideas or thoughts about what is next?


Topic: went to my first meeting at the crisis center
Subject: went to my first meeting at the crisis center - Posted: 4/6/2005 8:40:08 PM

I agree that you have a very long journey ahead of you. 

Do you keep a journal?  I want to suggest starting one if you haven't already.  You will have an outlet for your thoughts, feelings, and decisions that you will be making.  You can look back on your progress and see how far you have come and how this journey has changed you.

 


Topic: ok guys wish me luck
Subject: ok guys wish me luck - Posted: 4/6/2005 9:01:18 PM

Glad to know you came through okay!  I hate that you got sick :(

Continue to get well!


Topic: funny as hell!!!
Subject: funny as hell!!! - Posted: 4/6/2005 9:37:00 PM
edfrogz wrote:
Wire wrote:



ok that is sick


I didn't get that one.

Topic: funny as hell!!!
Subject: funny as hell!!! - Posted: 4/6/2005 9:46:54 PM

Ohhhh!!!  I couldn't tell what they were doing.

That's gross, but I still laughed hahaha.


Topic: All women beware of Nathaniel ONeill/Hughes in Nz
Subject: All women beware of Nathaniel ONeill/Hughes in Nz - Posted: 4/7/2005 6:05:12 AM
tanz29 wrote:
He only brought my MS up once, he was with me when i was diagnosed. I donít have it bad yet, but he and i never worried about it too much. He was supportive till now. But i must admit itís been really good since he left, i donít stress who heís picking up or what heís doing, so i feel good. Still love and want him back. But i have no idea of plans just taking it day by day. Have only just joined and donít spend much time on the computer, still learning to use it. So i havenít chatted with anyone on here yet


It seems that you realize you are doing much better without him and I'm so glad to hear it.  Of course you still love him.  A part of you probably always will.  We all want what we can't have and this man is emotionally and mentally unable to provide and care for you in the way that you want and deserve. 

It's hard and even after blocking emails, IM usernames(a few months ago), and even changing my cell phone number(just today actually haha), I also occasionally think of my ex.  I quickly dismiss the thought and dont' even let it develop in my head.  I am much better off and have seen so much more positive in my life now that I am away from him.

Feel free to post anytime.  We are hear to listen and encourage you in your journey of recovery.  Also, feel free to post in other sections and other threads as well. I'm sure many women and men could benefit from your story and advice :)

Keep us posted on how you are doing :)


Topic: What is it with all these advertisements?
Subject: What is it with all these advertisements? - Posted: 4/7/2005 6:16:06 AM

SPAM polluting the board.  It's very annoying.  This is the first time I have seen any posts like that on this site.

I try to ignore and go on but it is very obnoxious.  This isn't the place for people to advertise and try to take advantage of the men and women on this site.

 


Topic: re TVproducer
Subject: re TVproducer - Posted: 4/7/2005 6:27:53 AM

Has anyone seen the movie Little Black Book starring Brittany Murphy?  It's a great one on the ins and outs of talk shows.  If you haven't seen it, def. rent it.  It's hilarious and it really gets in depth with how talk shows are behind the scenes.

On the DVD, there's an option on how it was made or something like that and they interviewed several talk show producers, including Jerry Springer producers.  It's amazing what they say and how they "mislead" their guests....all on purpose and with intention for higher ratings by the way.  Disgusts me!


Topic: re TVproducer
Subject: re TVproducer - Posted: 4/7/2005 6:29:27 AM
krismiss wrote:
Alexander wrote:
 But like the Simpsons, weíll be able to enjoy insanity for quite a while!


I prefer "Family Guy", though you have to watch it in syndication since it has gone off the air.


Is that the cartoon where the husband is in the CIA?

Topic: Is it wrong to...
Subject: Is it wrong to... - Posted: 4/7/2005 6:33:27 AM

Having alternative transportation arranged is a very good point.  He is a mutual friend of some of my friends and one of my friends and her date were actually there.  I informed her when I walked out who I was calling and that Iíd call her or text her when I got home, which I did.

If it were a complete stranger, I would have driven myself and met him in a public place, but I guess I wasnít thinking it would turn out this way since we have mutual friends.  I talked to my friend that was there and she said I had every right to do what I did and she felt I should have left the date sooner, but was glad that I didnít stay and have a horrible time.  She had no idea he was being such a jerk until I told her.

Anyway, thatís over and done with :)  I just felt really wierd because I am not used to doing things like that but ever since this last relationship, I donít want to put up with any crap!

 


Topic: Verizon and cell numbers
Subject: Verizon and cell numbers - Posted: 4/7/2005 8:34:46 AM
krismiss wrote:

Lady,

I thought you were planning on moving to go to another school.  If this is the case, you would be better off keeping your number until you know to where youíll be moving. Of course, this begs the question, how is the transfer thing going? Any decisions?



I was accepted into UGA and just recieved the scholarship/financial aid letter yesterday.  Most of what they are willing to offer is in the form of federal loans.  I prefer not to take this route. I don't want to be in a pile of debt when I graduate.  I applied for a few scholarships and have been checking around but I am unsure because I am out of state.  My mom offered to pay for me to transfer and not pull out loans, but I would not feel right letting her do this as she already doesn't ask me to work while in school. 

I have made a few positive changes in my life and have taken up mountain biking because I love the outdoors.  The more I recover, the better I feel and in turn, the more I don't mind staying where I am.  I was at the point of being so sick and frustrated with this whole state, but I have to admit, since moving to college, this has become my home.  I have been here for 5 years and I almost think it would be silly to not walk away with some type of degree ;)

I confronted the Nursing dean again in a meeting with her.  I let her know how she made me feel last time and I went into some detail about my situation and what I had gone through.  She agreed to work with me on getting me back into the program in the fall since my GPA is very high and she knows that I am not the type of horrible student that I was becoming.

I do enjoy Nursing for the academic aspects and the critical thinking.  I am not so much a clinical person, but have only three semesters left for a BSN so might as well finish.  The dean also agreed to allow me to take other classes in the summer for an English or Philosophy degree which are my area(s) of interest.  Of course, the Nursing comes first until graduation and then I will continue going to complete the other degree.

My past relationship had me so screwed up so to speak that I forgot how to think for myself.  I doubted my own thoughts and opinions and became literally almost unable to function on my own.  I have since taken ownership (as Dr. Phil says haha) of my life and situation and taken the steps toward change.  Each day is a new day and every night when I go to sleep, I know that I am one day closer, one step closer, to getting back to being the strong and independent person that I once was.  It's liberating and refreshing to know that I have taken control back into my own hands and am working towards living a great life without the abuse and mistreatment :)

Soooo...to sum up this long post, the better I feel about myself, the more I am inclined to stay here and I know I can do it and I have the stregnth and the means to do so.  I can always go to graduate school out of state.  Besides, the idea of travel nursing still appeals to me to be able to travel all over the country for a few years.

Thank you so much for asking :)


Topic: Verizon and cell numbers
Subject: Verizon and cell numbers - Posted: 4/7/2005 8:36:19 AM

I did change my number this morning and it was free of charge.  Now the ex has no way to contact me as I have cut off all other means of contact.  This was the final step!  Yay!  I cannot think of any other way that he could talk to me or find me.  Hopefully this is final :)  It's also great to have a local number for a change ;)


Topic: These men....
Subject: These men.... - Posted: 4/7/2005 9:53:07 AM

are waiting for us at the beach


Topic: Guard testifies he saw Jackson Sex Acts
Subject: Guard testifies he saw Jackson Sex Acts - Posted: 4/7/2005 11:46:49 AM

What I don't understand about all of this is why this continues. This is the fifth time this has happened and that's to the public's knowledge.  There is no telling how many families have made out of court settlements. 

It seems to me that if I had a child and someone with a reputation such as his wanted to spend time with my child and invite him to Neverland, I would refuse!  I don't understand how this has gone on for so long.  Why do parents continue to allow their children to go to Neverland?  Or is it orphans?  I don't get it.

He really creeps me out.  I'm afraid his body parts will start falling off.  I'm getting the squrmies just looking at that picture and reading the article.


Topic: went to my first meeting at the crisis center
Subject: went to my first meeting at the crisis center - Posted: 4/7/2005 12:17:27 PM

Who diagnosed your son with autism?  If the hospitals are saying it's not, I was just wondering more about that.

Have you looked into a child psychologist.  A friend of mine knows a girl who works specifically with children with autism and helping the families adjust to the needs of the child.  Have you looked into something along those lines?


Topic: re TVproducer
Subject: re TVproducer - Posted: 4/7/2005 4:32:14 PM
Alexander wrote:


Honestly, I dont know what he does...that show is a bit more racey than the Simpsons, I dont really like talking animals, it devalues the real notion of respect towards the creature.

Simpsons isnt much better...whadya gonna do?

 



Is that the show where they are animated lions?  Not the Simpsons, but the Family Guy.  I'm trying to figure this one out haha!

 


Topic: LMM - Pic of the Month
Subject: LMM - Pic of the Month - Posted: 4/7/2005 4:34:50 PM
Do you have a staff that works for you or most of it on your own?  How do you maintain this site so well?  I remember you mentioning a lot of the research you did and was just curious :)

Topic: Beauty and Skincare Products
Subject: Beauty and Skincare Products - Posted: 4/7/2005 4:38:27 PM
Darla wrote:

hey ladies,

I was wondering if you guys knew of a product that puts your pores under control..

and thanks for all of the beauty product tips.. Lipstick 3 Blush 







Are they oily?

Topic: Pet thread
Subject: Pet thread - Posted: 4/7/2005 5:51:17 PM
Alexander wrote:


That isnt scarey, it shows you are spiritual...



I agree.  I have never heard that superstition before :)

I want a cat so bad!  My cousin breeds Himilayans (sp?) and I hope to get one toward August or so.  Iím excited :)

A lot of people hate cats and I just cannot understand why.  My mom cantí stand them because they rub against you, but I think itís sweet and theyíre so soft and cuddly(if that's a word)! :)


Topic: Its picture time!!! :)
Subject: Its picture time!!! :) - Posted: 4/7/2005 6:00:46 PM

 

One of my very best and long time friendsí daughter.  Sheís too cute to not post up! :)  Braggin rights over here!


Topic: Its picture time!!! :)
Subject: Its picture time!!! :) - Posted: 4/7/2005 6:19:11 PM
Alexander wrote:
What a little sweetheart! Lady, have we seen you at all? j/c?


I posted a pic about 10 pages ago.  Then, I removed them from the photo library, but here are a few again since that was months ago! :)

I'm on the left. This is a friend and me before a concert.

This is of two guys from Vanderbilt and me.  They decided to play in the mud after it rained so as you can see, I am keeping my distance haha.

The same friend from the concert pic and me out after a game.  That's why I have a lick on/stick on tatoo on my face :)

And just for kicks...another of a friend and me enjoying the sunshine after tailgating!


Topic: Verizon and cell numbers
Subject: Verizon and cell numbers - Posted: 4/7/2005 6:24:11 PM
Alexander wrote:

Ah, soon you will be zen with mountain biking grasshopper...I love it when someone else is a rider...


I love it!  I live downtown in our state capital so I have to drive about 25 minutes to get to the trails, but itís not so bad.  My parents live near the mountains so there are some great riding places around there.  I like going there better.  Iím not a fan of street riding.  If Iím going to ride on the streets, Iím going to be on a gsx-r or something!

I entertained the thought of getting a dirt bike after I wear the mountain bike out.

If I ever make it out that way toward Utah, I want to try out Moab...bwwwahahaha!


Topic: Guard testifies he saw Jackson Sex Acts
Subject: Guard testifies he saw Jackson Sex Acts - Posted: 4/7/2005 8:42:26 PM
krismiss wrote:

Of course....there is the chance that he is not guilty. There are people who will milk a tragedy, i.e. a child with cancer, for all its monetary worth.  Just because he is weird beyond all weird does not make him a child molester. I may be one of the few who do not think the Ramseys are responsible for Jon Benetís death.  Patsy is incredibly strange, but that doesnít mean she murdered her daughter.



What is the latest with the Ramseys?  I haven't seen or heard anything. 

Topic: ok guys wish me luck
Subject: ok guys wish me luck - Posted: 4/7/2005 8:45:22 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:
I am taking photos of this whole process.  So the next time yousee my photos there will be one with me all dolled up, one with mybruised gums and missing teeth, and then some with my new goldbraces.  I get those in two weeks, then the week after will beprom.  This month is filled with pictures.  


I can't wait to see pictures!  Have you gotten a prom dress yet?  If so, what does it look like? 

Did the dentist not give you something for the nausea?


Topic: Sooo...
Subject: Sooo... - Posted: 4/7/2005 9:05:41 PM

anyone bored?  Iím trying to stay awake to watch the popeís funeral.  It will be on at 4AM eastern time.  I have two hours left

I just watched a really good movie, The Forgotten, starring Julianne Moore.  It was strange- different than I had expected, but really good!

I also cleaned my bathroom....still two hours to kill.


Topic: Guard testifies he saw Jackson Sex Acts
Subject: Guard testifies he saw Jackson Sex Acts - Posted: 4/7/2005 9:10:27 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:
Is it wrong for me to feel pity for him?  He was so abused when hewas younger and so mistreated, no wonder he is so screwed upmentally.  Have you ever seen his home videos.  It is like hejust isnít there (in his head).  


That thought had crossed my mind as well.  He didn't have much of a childhood.  Then again, I think that there are other child actors/actresses, musicians, etc. that didn't either, but they turned out normal.

He still creeps me out.  I miss the days of seeing the Thriller video on MTV after school.  In fact, I miss seeing any videos on MTV. 

Strange strange strange


Topic: Sooo...
Subject: Sooo... - Posted: 4/7/2005 9:15:00 PM

Hmmmm...y'all don't have to do that!  I was just seeing if any night owls were on.  I may watch another movie.  I'm afraid if I read, I'll fall asleep

I'm working on a crossword puzzle now haha.


Topic: Sooo...
Subject: Sooo... - Posted: 4/7/2005 9:21:12 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:

Donít worry, I am a huge night owl, plus maybe it will help me get alittle more organized.  I always fall asleep when I read, canít dothat now...however movies keep me awake.  We watched seventoday.  I liked the murders better in saw but I liked the actingand plot more in seven.  they should have combined them. :)  


Saw def. caught me by surprise!  I had no idea it was going to end the way it did.  They sure fooled me.

Seven was a good one too. 

I think the worse horror movie I ever saw was Cabin Fever.  What a waste of money to make that film. 


Topic: Its picture time!!! :)
Subject: Its picture time!!! :) - Posted: 4/8/2005 6:55:33 AM

edfrogz- Your sons are so adorable!  They look like they are full of personality and would be so much fun!  You also have very pretty eyes!  Thatís one of the first things I noticed!

Love-  I canít wait to see them!  I love girls nights!  What are y'all planning on doing?


Topic: Sooo...
Subject: Sooo... - Posted: 4/8/2005 7:20:20 AM
edfrogz wrote:
iím up....had a weird ass day....finally watched city of angles...never saw it before and i love nic cage...and figured out the damn ending....got subpeonaed at work, met with a friend for lunch, single again....what shall we talk about?


I didn't like City of Angels.  I'm actually not a huge Nicolas Cage fan.  Something about his voice bothers me.   I thought the movie kept on and on and I just didn't enjoy it.

I am not trying to be too nosey, but what happened with the guy you were seeing?  Are you okay?


Topic: Sooo...
Subject: Sooo... - Posted: 4/8/2005 7:35:14 AM
bunnyluvin wrote:
do you guys think I am too young to become a friend withbenefits? Because this guy told me that if I ever want to experiment,heíll take part, but neither of us want a relationship, so what do youguys think?


Hmmm Bunny.  This is a toughie. 

Having a friend with benefits can be a fun thing, but what is it you are looking for?  Is this something you want or something you feel you need to do as part of an experience?

I am only 5 years older than you so I don't have a lot of life experience or stories to tell.  I have yet to live them out. 

I started out having a friend like that when I was about 19-20.  It lasted about a year and really did a number on my self esteem.  I honestly think that behavior set me up for this past relationship that I had.  I knew it was a sexual relationship and I honestly never wanted anything more from that person.  Yet- it still left me feeling used and vulnerable for the abusive relationship that drove me to this site.

What starts out as FRIEND with benefits can eventually lead to an all out "booty call" where you won't hear from him until he's already been out with friends and people he cares about and now he wants to get laid and that's where you come in.  Sure it can be fun for you, but it the end, I'm afraid you will end up hurt and feel used and lose respect for yourself.

At our age, we are learning and gaining knowledge through trial and error and experiences.  One thing I can tell you I have learned thus far is to learn from others' mistakes and listen to people who are older than you.  I agree with a lot of the points Krissmiss brought out.  Bear in mind that she is in her early thirties and has been there and done that so to speak.  Learn from her and listen.  That's one of the many reasons I love this site.  You, Wire, and I are probably some of the youngest regulars and we have so much to gain from the wisdom and experience of the men and women on here.

Wow- I went off on a little tangent there.  Back to topic.  I really don't feel like your age has much to do with it, but more of what you want and where you are in life.  You are about to graduate high school and I presume go to college.  If you think you can handle it, go for it.  But what's going to happen if it's not all it's cracked up to be?  What if you do become a regular booty call? 

You are so smart and wise for 18 years old.  I wish I had this site when I was 18 and feel fortunate to have found it at 23.  I don't want you to lose any respect for yourself or start to compromise your standards. 

I think the question isn't are you too young, but is this honestly what you want?


Topic: Guard testifies he saw Jackson Sex Acts
Subject: Guard testifies he saw Jackson Sex Acts - Posted: 4/8/2005 7:44:42 AM
krismiss wrote:

Wait! I think I was in 7th grade when Thriller was released. How on earth did you guys come home from school to watch Thriller on TV? Lady, Iíve got about 10 years on you and Bunni, Iím twice your age. 

Lady, Iím surprised youíre old enough to remember when MTV used to play videos. It seems like they havenít played videos in over 10 years. I could be wrong. I just donít remember seeing them for a really, really long time.



I remember they used to play Michael and Janet Jackson a lot.  I absolutely have no recollection of when it was released.  I just remember seeing him when he was a black man with curly hair dancing around on MTV

I don't remember much about when they had music videos.  I remember they would play videos and then that show with Jenny McCarthy came on.  I remember Lip Sync too.  All of this was when I was maybe in 4th/5th grade.  By the time I hit 7th/8th grade, I was playing sports after school and dont' remember music videos after that

My mom used to fuss at me for watching MTV too.  I got in trouble!


Topic: Is there such a thing as trust after cheating??
Subject: Is there such a thing as trust after cheating?? - Posted: 4/8/2005 7:53:40 AM

Hi and welcome back :)

You need a good reason?  I think you have plenty of reason.  You don't really owe him any explanation for your actions.  If you are thinking of breaking up with him, then don't look for reasons, just do it.

It doesn't sound like you are over the cheating incident and it seems that it happened more than once.  He left the club with another woman claiming to be his girlfriend.  I'm sure he gave you all the exuses and told you what you wanted to hear.  If you are unable to trust, there is no relationship.

The sooner you get out of this, the better.  You are only going to torture yourself with anxiety when you could be moving on and doing other things.

I think it some instances, trust can be regained with hard work and effort from both partners.  There are other situations where things will never be the same again.

If you are not able to look past this (and I sure as heck couldn't), then break up with him.

and let us know what happens.


Topic: Sooo...
Subject: Sooo... - Posted: 4/8/2005 2:16:41 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:
I would probably get attached somehow and viola, I would act like wehad a relationship when we didnít.  That would not be good.


Bingo!  You said it!

I have been brought to that fire and burned.  You have a good head on your shoulders and you know what you will and will not stand for.  Keep that self respect Bunny- it will take you a long way :)

Off topic- are you going to college this fall?

 


Topic: What do I do? He is chasing my friend!
Subject: What do I do? He is chasing my friend! - Posted: 4/8/2005 2:21:29 PM
serendipity wrote:

Quick update.

Have had a talk with my husband who absolutely assures me I am the love of his life, but he cant walk away from that thought  that he would like to experiment with someone else. I told him straight out that I wont accept that and if he chooses to do this then I am going. I will take the kids and find a better life for us. He was devastated to think I would go. In his sick mind he thought I would be here waiting after the fact: I dont think so!

The ball is now in his court and for my sake I hope he changes his mind. You know though even if he does change his mind I still cant get past the fact that he even thought  about doing it in the first place.

He called last night to say he was running late and next I found myself in the car driving around town (we live in a small country town)(population 2000) to see if he was actually where he said he was going to be. That seed of doubt is already there and to my knowledge he hasnt done anything yet. What a situation!

As for my friend so far I have avoided her very well. I am not ready to confront her. I did find myself very blunt with her the other day when she called to say hi. She mentioned something about my husband, i didnt respond I just changed the subject. She said she wants to visit on the weekend for coffee , I think I will let her but organise a time when I know hubby wont be here.Somehow I think she knows  how I am feeling as she has been a little funny around me. Or maybe she is feeling guilty?

Thanks for all the replies they are very conforting...



I'm glad you came back to update and I hope you continue to feel comfortable doing so. 

I think you are very smart in realizing that it's enough that he even thought about it to begin with. 

Was he where he said he was going to be?

Good for you for standing your ground.  Just keep solid and don't back down.  If he does it, then leave.  If not, then I would hope he is willing to work through these issues without turning outside of the marriage (with the exception of counseling).


Topic: These men....
Subject: These men.... - Posted: 4/8/2005 7:58:34 PM
Alexander wrote:


Do you know these dudes? Are they "friends"? I think the ones on the outside are the better toned ones, chest muscles are very useful...you guys are sick! Dont think stuff like that! Naughty girls!


I have no idea who they are

The pic came in an email and I figured I'd share the love


Topic: Where Are All The Good Men?
Subject: Where Are All The Good Men? - Posted: 4/9/2005 5:57:34 AM
Wire wrote:


 

Iím having fun using these...



I'm having fun reading them.

It's hilarious!


Topic: False Alarm
Subject: False Alarm - Posted: 4/9/2005 11:15:46 AM
bunnyluvin wrote:
That is just not right.  I hate talk shows.  I mean, Ioccasionally go for the jerry springer, but hey, if they are signing onto be on jerry springer, its their own fault.

If you donít mind me asking, what is PCOS? 

My mother used to be about 100 to 150 lbs overweight.  So I can relate on how people would treat her and others like her.


I don't like talk shows like Jerry, Maury, etc.  I feel like they prey on the misfotune of others sometimes.

I have to say that there are 4 shows that I absolutely adore!  That's Dr.Phil, Oprah, Regis and Kelly, and The View!  I like Dr. Phil's advice and he does not sugar coat anything.  Sometimes I may disagree with him but he has his reasoning and logic to back up what he says.  I admire Oprah and I think she is a great role model for women.  Regis and Kelly are just plain hilarious and I enjoy politics and current events so that's why The View appeals to me.  It's great to see women discuss the issues and find it encouraging to see strong and smart women tackling issues and saying things that others may be afraid to say.

I wonder if that lady that had posted on here ever taped for Dr. Phil. 


Topic: False Alarm
Subject: False Alarm - Posted: 4/9/2005 12:06:48 PM
Alexander wrote:

The thing I like about the Jerry Springer show is these people find him, and though it may seem brutal at times, it is highly staged and they get some compensation for humiliation. Not bad, I always watch that and feel better about myself!



Thatís a good point.  I think Iíd feel rather sane myself ;) haha! 

They get compensation for that?  Wow- they must really want money or something.

It just seems they all take off their clothes, fight, and then the audience members flash for Jerry Beads.

Not long before my grandmother passed away, my mom and I walked into her house and heard the TV and wondered what on earth she was watching. It was Jerry!Her cognition was impaired toward her death so she didnít realize what she was watching and when we told her what was going on, she nearly fainted!  She was a quiet and well mannered lady so this was off key for her


Topic: Stupid people in power
Subject: Stupid people in power - Posted: 4/9/2005 7:23:59 PM
Wire wrote:

Whenever a woman criticizes me for liking such "useless" things and how typically "male" it is, I remind them of what gender is generally so obsessed with rocks on strings.



I like that one.

You know something else I have thought about?  I have seen some of my friends get so mad at their boyfriends for watching sports, yet aren't soaps the same thing?  Well not same thing- but same concept.  I think sports can be like a man's All My Children or Days of Our Lives.

Oh well, just a thought.  I'm still laughing about the rocks on a string.  I like your sense of humor Wire!


Topic: Stupid people in power
Subject: Stupid people in power - Posted: 4/9/2005 8:28:47 PM
Alexander wrote:


Thats an interesting analogy Lady." Sport Soaps. These are the days of our footballs and crushing blows to the head..." 

Iím glad you see the give and take that we sometimes criticize one another for Lady. I however dont like sports too much. Its kinda dumb.

 IMHO...



I'm the opposite of a lot of women.  I love sports.  Football season is another season for me.  Instead of summer, fall, winter,spring- I have baseball, football, and basketball season ;) haha!  I love it.  When I go to game day parties, I'm usually in there with the guys yelling at the TV while all the women are chatting over chips and salsa haha!  The funny thing is- you'd never know by looking at me and talking to me that I'm so into sportsI like speed tv during this time of year so I can catch Motorcross and AMA Superbike races.

Anyway...that's my sport spill.  My dad watches soaps by the way


Topic: Stupid people in power
Subject: Stupid people in power - Posted: 4/9/2005 9:01:19 PM
Alexander wrote:

Different strokes I suppose, I go canoeing in the warmer months, many people are perplexed when I tell them I dont fish, the stereotype of fishing=boating is deeply engrained.

Weird.



I've done that a few times.  Tipped the canoe as well....oops.

I'll do anything outdoors.  I think that's why I like sports...gives me a chance to be outside for a while.  Do still mountain bike?


Topic: emotional abuse - more common than I thought?
Subject: emotional abuse - more common than I thought? - Posted: 4/10/2005 11:29:52 AM

You have a very good point SDT.  Until it happened to me, I never understood it nor did I pay that much attention.  I heard the stories but they didnít seem real. 

I think a lot of women still do not recognize emotional abuse as abuse.  Afterall, heís not hitting the woman so itís all too often dismissed.  Itís easy to make exuses as well.  "He was in a bad mood...He gets like that sometimes...He didnít mean what he said....We all say things we donít mean....In relationships, you are bound to get hurt from time to time...He apologized....Iím used to it.." and the list goes on.  While true, abuse takes these to the extreme and exuses unacceptable behavior.

I look at my friends and their relationships and pick up on things.  I see them as red flags for future relationships that I may have.  Though the experience was not the least bit pleasurable, I learned a lot and have become stronger and wiser.  To be sensitive can save you another heartache.

With that being said, I pay attention to my reactions.  If it becomes too sensitive or the fear becomes overwhelming, I will bring it up in therapy.  This has not happened yet, but I do not want to go around being super sensitive when I do not need to be, if that makes sense.

Do you feel your sensitivity and awareness has been taken to the extreme and you are just waiting for something to happen?


Topic: Ovarian Cysts & More ...???
Subject: Ovarian Cysts & More ...??? - Posted: 4/10/2005 11:33:18 AM

Willmakehimregretit-

Have you heard any more news?  I am not trying to pry- just thinking about you and curious.  Have you seen a fertility specialist or gotten a second opinion yet?


Topic: Beauty and Skincare Products
Subject: Beauty and Skincare Products - Posted: 4/10/2005 11:37:25 AM

Found a new product!!! 

Vaseline Intensive Care lotion makes a Nightly Body Renewal lotion.  It was on sale at the grocery store so I figured why not?  It has grape seed extract and lavender.  You apply it nightly before bed and it makes your skin feel really soft.  I like it! 

They also made a lotion with aloe which is good for the skin.  I didn't buy it also because I was in the grocery store and the mission was food.  I get out of control in the beauty section at times ;)

I like using lotion at night, especially during the summer because I am out in the sun a lot and want to keep my skin moisturized so that I do not look like a leather purse one day.

Speaking of the sun, Clinque makes an All Day Workout Wear foundation that I also use.  It has SPF 15 in it.  Stays on all day and works great :)  Like I said, I enjoy being outdoors in the sunshine, so it protects me from the rays somewhat.  I know, I know, I use sun block when Iím out for too long ;)


Topic: Email the moderator...
Subject: Email the moderator... - Posted: 4/10/2005 12:03:50 PM

I agree with Krissmiss!  I think you have a sincere compassion for helping women better themselves.  You are always on top of everything here and you give great responses and advice to others.  Your advice is practical and you do not hesitate to ask questions so that you truly understand.

I definately think you and many women would benefit by your volunteer work.  Anything helps and there is never a job too small when you are giving your time to others :)

Another thought- would you ever consider working with men who are abusers or have been abused?  In my nursing clinicals, we have seen community programs that work with both the abuser and victim.  You may not be interested in that, but it's food for thought.


Topic: If you hate the jerks...
Subject: If you hate the jerks... - Posted: 4/10/2005 4:29:18 PM
krismiss wrote:

Does your church have a Taize service? Mine does not, but I attend Taize services at a an old, large Presbyterian church not far from here. If you can find a church that does this, attend. I think you will thoroughly enjoy.   

Here is an old joke about religion. Knowing my aunt and her community, I found it to be very truthful.

Remember,  there are three religious truths:
1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian church.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters



I have never heard of a Taize service.  Is that French?  What is it like?

I've heard that joke beforeSad but true!

I'm ordering that book from amazon tonight :)  Thanks for the recommendation :)


Topic: Hello...Im back!
Subject: Hello...Im back! - Posted: 4/10/2005 6:30:15 PM

Hey Cat and welcome back!

I think you are handling things great.  It's good that you realize and do not want to deprive him of his son. 

I'm glad he finally admitted to what you already knew.  It's just nice to have some confirmation, even though it hurts.  Makes you feel a little more sane huh?

If you don't feel you can ever trust him or work things out, then go ahead with the divorce.  We are right there behind you all the way in whatever you decide!

I hope your son feels better soon.  Ear infections really take a toll on children.  How old is he?

Thanks for the update and I hope you continue doing well! :)


Topic: Closer
Subject: Closer - Posted: 4/10/2005 10:29:28 PM
dazedstare wrote:

I heard theyíre coming out with a new Amnyiville...(I donít know how the hell itís spelled!) Wonder how thatíll turn out...



I saw the previews for that.  It looks like it will be pretty creepy!

Closer was a different kind of movie.  I still can't get over Julia Roberts' language.  I have never heard her talk like that in her other work, so I was surprised!

Do you remember Son in Law starring Pauly Shore?  I still crack up when I watch that one so that's at the top of the list!

The Hours, One True Thing, Ghost are some favorites.  Gone with the Wind will forever be at the top too.


Topic: update on Nathaniel Oneill/Hughes
Subject: update on Nathaniel Oneill/Hughes - Posted: 4/11/2005 12:31:12 AM
Am I understanding this correctly?  Your dad is siding with Nathaniel?

Topic: update on Nathaniel Oneill/Hughes
Subject: update on Nathaniel Oneill/Hughes - Posted: 4/11/2005 12:47:29 AM

Oh my goodness!  I am by no means trying to pry, but how does that make you feel?  Were you close to your dad before?  If you don't feel comfortable discussing it, it's okay too :)

I'm glad that you don't think you can take this guy back.  Good for you for calling the cops!  Have you considered a restraining order against Nathaniel as well?

It broke my heart to hear that your daughter was calling for him and he paid you two no attention.  I am sure that must have been hard on you.

Thanks for the update and I hope you continue to keep us posted and I sincerely wish you the best!  After it's all over, you will be much stronger and wiser.  It may not sound and feel comforting now but you will :)


Topic: Closer
Subject: Closer - Posted: 4/11/2005 6:58:35 AM
krismiss wrote:

I just rented "Closer", but havenít watched it yet.

Of the recently nominated films, I really liked "Finding Neverland" and "Hotel Rwanda."  Did not like "The Aviator" or "Million Dollar Baby."  Thought "Ray" was OK, though Jamie Foxx did a great job. "Sideways" was funny, but Iím surprised it was nominated.   



I LOVED Finding Neverland!  I was hoping it would take the Oscar instead of Million Dollar Baby.

I like watching movies.  I used to try to read the books first, but have discovered that the movie usually ruins the book.  Now, if I read the book, I am hesitant about seeing the movie.  I try to pick out books that aren't becoming movies anytime soon!

Krissmiss- If you haven't seen The Hours yet, I think you would really enjoy it.

I can't wait to see The Upside of Anger!


Topic: update on Nathaniel Oneill/Hughes
Subject: update on Nathaniel Oneill/Hughes - Posted: 4/11/2005 7:04:42 AM

You are going through a very difficult time and I wish you the best.  Find that inner stregnth and you will pull through.

Keep us posted!


Topic: Closer
Subject: Closer - Posted: 4/11/2005 3:52:13 PM
chick1110 wrote:
Mulholland Drive still confuses me to this day.


Me too!  Did Betty turn into Diane and what was with the homeless guy behind the diner?  I watched it twice when I had it with netflix to see if I could understand and still didnít get it.

And Camillaís boyfriendís mom was Bettyís landlord??  Iím lost.  Now Iím trying to figure it out again...


Topic: Closer
Subject: Closer - Posted: 4/11/2005 4:40:49 PM
Damagecontrol wrote:

Anyone seen The Forgotten? I canít remember the name of the red headed lady in it. That was an awesome flick.



I saw that.  Julianne Moore was her name.

I still don't understand why "they" kept being zapped into the sky.


Topic: Closer
Subject: Closer - Posted: 4/11/2005 6:17:42 PM
Damagecontrol wrote:


Everytime someone began to figure out the secret, the aliens would like suck them back into space or the space ship or something. There were several endings though. Which one did you see?

DC



That's what I was thinking too, but then her therapist knew about them and nothing happened to him.

I saw the one where she met the alien in a building and he took her first memory of her son.  She was on the floor and remembered having been pregnant so she was able to hold on to the fact she did have a son.  The alien was zapped to the sky and next thing you know, she's picking up her son from school.  She sat on the swing beside the man who had lost his daughter, Lauren and they introduced themselves.

What ending did you see?  I saw there were options but I didn't watch them.

Now that we have ruined one ending for everyone who hasn't seen it...


Topic: Time to update
Subject: Time to update - Posted: 4/11/2005 7:38:41 PM

I am sorry that all this is happening to you.  You are going through such a tough time right now.

I think decisions like that are personal.  I'm glad you felt comfortable taking the risk and posting it.  We all care about you and Sophie/Nakamoose.  I would never judge you just because I disagreed with you.  I am, however, pro choice and support your decision to do what's best for you two at this point in your lives.

Don't hesitate to talk about whatever is bothering you or to discuss this if you want to further, especially after tomorrow.

I wish you two the best and I hope that all is well.


Topic: Time to update
Subject: Time to update - Posted: 4/12/2005 10:11:23 AM
LoveLabyrinth wrote:
Wire, I can in all honesty say I know where you are coming from.  I am sorry this happened to you. I was 19yrs old when I found out I was pregnant by a guy I had not been seeing very long.  I never told my parents I had an abortion it was very emotional for awhile. It was actually a very painful procedure they needed two nurses to hold me down, if you need anyone to talk to about this just ask Iíve been there.  Iím so sorry. GOOD LUCK


Love- I am sorry that you went through such an ordeal when you were you so young.  If you don't mind my asking, does it still affect you now?  Please do not think I am prying because this is such a personal matter.  I was just wondering how you felt now compared to then.

Topic: Time to update
Subject: Time to update - Posted: 4/12/2005 10:20:06 AM
Wire wrote:

Now today, I canít go to this appointment because her mother wonít let me.  I understand how she has been a daughter longer than she has a girlfriend, but this now has little to do with her mother.  Thinking about it, this is not unlike not being allowed to see our child being born.  And... it pisses me off.  It really pisses me off.



Wow Wire.  So you are not going to get to be there?  That pisses me off too.  I'm sure Nakamoose will need you after it's done.  I can't believe her parents are acting like that.

Dang, that makes me so mad!!!!!


Topic: Time to update
Subject: Time to update - Posted: 4/12/2005 7:14:21 PM
krismiss wrote:

 

And everyone---please stop referring to the finite religious belief. There is no such thing. Religious beliefs are infinite. Calling religious beliefs finite implies that religious people, be it Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, or Hindus, are narrow-minded, ignorant, and stupid. I am a Christian, very intelligent, open-minded,  world-aware, and pro-choice. Donít paint all religious people with the same brush. Thatís when it becomes finite.    



Ok...either I'm thinking too hard or not thinking enough.  What do you mean by finite and infinite?


Topic: Ages
Subject: Ages - Posted: 4/12/2005 7:35:14 PM

I have seen some of the new members have their age posted.  How do I add that in?  I looked under My Account but didn't see anything.


Topic: Friends close to home!
Subject: Friends close to home! - Posted: 4/12/2005 7:41:19 PM

I'm in SC, but feel free to talk about whatever you'd like!

You are such a great addition to the site and I have enjoyed reading your posts.

I know you are going through such a tough time and we are all here to support you!


Topic: Time to update
Subject: Time to update - Posted: 4/12/2005 7:46:45 PM
Wire wrote:


Finite=Limited
Infinite=Unlimited


Oh, I'm so airheaded sometimes!  I was thinking too deep.  I remember those terms from calculus!  Gah, I need more rest

Topic: I KNOW THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR ME....BUT..
Subject: I KNOW THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR ME....BUT.. - Posted: 4/12/2005 7:55:44 PM
krismiss wrote:

I would offer you a lot of advice about getting out of this relationship, but it doesnít sound like you are ready to do so. The only thing I can do is to tell you to find your inner million dollar baby and build your strength so that eventually you can leave. There is an old sales maxim about being in a bad mood and meeting a client: you fake it until you feel it. You fake being in a good mood until you are in a good mood.  Fake being strong until you really are strong.



Hi and welcome back!  Please do not hesitate to come back anytime.  I hope that you continue to feel free to vent, post, or whatever you need to do.  We are here to listen and encourage you :)

I like the advice Krismiss has given.  It's true and it works.  There have been days where I have not wanted to smile, but I had to smile anyway.  I just went through a short deep depression where I did not get out of bed except to use the restroom for days.  I realized that I had to "snap" out of it and keep going.  The world doesn't stop because I am depressed.  I had the medication switched and took control and kept going.  You may feel silly at first faking it, but it will become natural and before you know it, you are beginning to feel better.

You won't completely leave this relationship until your last straw breaks.  When that happens, it will be a piece of cake to leave this man.  It may take a few days, months, but it will come. As long as he continues, you will keep bending and bending and will eventually break. 

I hope that you are able to find peace and happiness very soon.  Again, welcome back and come back anytime!  Keep us posted! :)


Topic: Time to update
Subject: Time to update - Posted: 4/12/2005 8:56:53 PM
krismiss wrote:
FYI...my  former gynecologist told me that women over 30 who have not been pregnant should be on the pill.  They should take it like Seasonale so that their bodies skip periods.  According to her and my new gynecologist (the other one moved), it is believed that these women are at higher risk for ovarian cancer. Perhaps our resident nurse and student nurse could shed some light on this. Chick? Lady?  


I have read studies that indicate the pill greatly reduces the risk of ovarian cancer.  The exact cause has not been pinpointed to my knowledge yet.  I read that it reduced the risk the most on the days when the pill has an equal amount of estrogen and progestogen and it's been hypothesized that the less a woman ovulates in her lifetime, the lower her risk.

I am unsure why that is specific to women over 30 who do not have children.  I thumbed through a few of my nursing books and could not find anything. 

My guess would be changing levels of hormones and greater number of past ovulations.  Just an educated guess, but not real sure on that one.

If I come across anything else, I'll post up. 


Topic: Ages
Subject: Ages - Posted: 4/12/2005 10:00:16 PM

Sorry!

I thought I had overlooked something.  I really need to sleep more.  It's almost 3 AM here and I'm wide awake reading. I need to quit reading at nightI always end up reading allll night!

You are doing such a wonderful job on the site!  No rush.  Just thought I missed something! :) 


Topic: Medications- which are good, which are bad for you?
Subject: Medications- which are good, which are bad for you? - Posted: 4/12/2005 10:30:18 PM


I hear what you are saying and completely understand your concern. 

Anxiety disorders, especially genetic, can alter the chemistry of your brain causing an imbalance.  These medications you have taken are in attempt to stablilize the chemicals in your brain.

Each of the drugs you have mentioned are all in the same class, but are a little different from each other.  It seems that you have explored several medications and have found one to work for you.

I donít believe that Effexor, or any other drug for anxiety, is going to necessarily hurt you in the long run.  If it makes you feel better and adjusts the chemicals in your brain, then you are good to go.  The point is to help you live as normal and emotionally healthy life as possible. 

As with any anti anxiety or antidepressant, there will be certain side effects and withdrawls.  The withdrawls are due to the alteration in brain chemistry and when you suddenly stop cold turkey, it can throw you for a loop so to speak. 

If you ever switch medications or go off of them, make sure your doctor slowly decreases your dose over a period of a few weeks, depending on your dosage.  By doing this, you will avoid extreme withdrawls and hopefully all withdrawls.

Trazadone is a great one for rest and sleep.  I havenít heard anything negative about it.

If you are concerned your doctor is just throwing stuff out at you, question him/her.  Iím sure s/he would be happy to answer any questions.  Bring a list with you next time you go.  Some examples are:  How does this medication work?  Why are you prescribing this specific one?  What are possible side effects?  How should it be taken (ie. with food, emtpy stomache, etc.)?

Remember that everyone is different so medications will affect them in different ways.

Good luck and I hope you find something that works! 


Topic: Medications- which are good, which are bad for you?
Subject: Medications- which are good, which are bad for you? - Posted: 4/12/2005 10:50:23 PM

H/She seems to have you in the SSRI group.  Others that you could ask about are:  Luvox, Prozac, Paxil (super for anxiety), and Celexa.

Trazadone is an atypical antidepressant.  Others in that group you could ask about are Wellburtrin, Serzone, and Remeron.  You seem to be happy with the Trazadone, but those are some other options. 


Topic: Sarahs having ANOTHER existential crisis...
Subject: Sarahs having ANOTHER existential crisis... - Posted: 4/13/2005 5:12:28 AM

Hi Sarahbear and welcome back!

As far as paying for school, were you able to claim independent on the FAFSA?  If so, hopefully you will be able to get a lot of grants.  If not, how about loans?  I know itís not a fun thought to have to pay them back, but your education will be worth it. 

I have to be honest.  Iím kind of having strange thoughts about the current guy you are seeing who taped the documentary.  Why did he show it to you knowing it was going to hurt you?  I donít agree with what he did nor do I agree with the tactics he is using to "pursue" you.  I see a red flag, but thatís only my opinion and viewing from an outside point of view.

It hurts so badly to feel used over and over again by different men.  I do sympathize with you. 

Do you have hobbies or a group of trustworthy gal pals?  Fill up your idle time with those things.  If you do not have a hobby, find one.  Try new, different, and safe activities until you find something you like.  Throw yourself into school.  You have time afterwards to date.

How do you feel about yourself?  How is your self image?  Self respect?  If you feel negatively in those areas, begin to work on that as well.  Seek out counseling to try and understand why you keep dating men who do not care about you and only want to use you.

Come back more often.  You were missed!  Let us know how everything works out. 


Topic: i have been busy with major shit
Subject: i have been busy with major shit - Posted: 4/13/2005 6:03:41 AM

Thanks for updating. 

You have certainly been under a lot of stress and strain.  Are you going to see your sons while getting your career together? 

You did what you had to do.  I hate that your ex has been such a jerk and pain to deal with. 

I hope that you are able to get it together soon and get your sons back.

I'm sorry you are going through this.  I'm cheering for you though!

Keep us posted and I will be thinking about you.  I wish you the best :)


Topic: Important Message...
Subject: Important Message... - Posted: 4/14/2005 6:48:50 AM

I'm glad that you have decided to stay and will come back more often!!  I'm sure you will enjoy your stay!

Welcome!


Topic: Time to update
Subject: Time to update - Posted: 4/14/2005 6:58:40 AM
Wire wrote:

Ok, now rumor has it that her mother doesnít want us together because in her motherís words, "I donít really want his black family getting involved with our family and he has too many problems with his childhood and he doesnít like his family".

...I have a headache now



i'm surprised to hear that seeing you live in Michagan.  I live in the south so comments like that are almost expected here-as uncalled for and wrong as they are.  That's absurd of her parents.  It seems as though they are just looking for reasons to berak you two up!!  You two are going through such a rough time right now. 

I will be thinking of y'all and I hope the best. 

What are your plans for post graduation? 


Topic: After A While
Subject: After A While - Posted: 4/14/2005 7:18:55 AM

There is an excellent poem by Walt Whitman, "Song of Myself."  I think you will enjoy it.  It's too long to post here but I will post one of my favorite parts.

"Stop this day and night with me and you shall possess the origin of all poems,

You shall possess the good of earth and sun, (there are millions of suns left),

You shall no longer take things at second or third hand, nor look through the eyes of the dead, nor feed on the spectres in books,

You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things from me.

You shall listen to all sides and filter them for yourself."

It's a GREAT poem and I really think it's worth checking out.  If interested, just type "Song of Myself" into your search.  It's not a selfish poem by any means, as the title may seem :)

 

 


Topic: He has some nerve, but no balls!
Subject: He has some nerve, but no balls! - Posted: 4/14/2005 7:31:10 AM

Gee, what a man he is!  Ugh!  That disgusts me!  He will do anything for attention from you, whether it is postive or negative!

About your car payment- Do yíall have a Check-n-Go type place?  I have seen those here.  I believe you bring in a bank statement or pay stub..something and they loan you the money and then take it back out of your account after you get paid.  I am not completely sure how it works, but I do know they give you advanced money and itís not really a loan in the full sense of the word.  What about something like that?


Topic: I KNOW THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR ME....BUT..
Subject: I KNOW THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR ME....BUT.. - Posted: 4/14/2005 7:40:36 AM

It seems as though there is always that ONE man who can do it to you.  Who can get under your skin and you lose control of who you are.

When you finally break away, you will sense liberation and you may feel lost at first.  I know I did.  That's the time that you pick up, get yourself back, and come out a stronger and wiser woman!


Topic: Sorry been away
Subject: Sorry been away - Posted: 4/14/2005 3:41:17 PM

I have missed reading your posts, especially those under Inspiration.  I am sorry that you are going through depression.  I hope that your medication begins to help very soon.  I also hope that the government will cooperate and you will be able to get things worked out with assistance.

I hope you feel better soon.  You are in my thoughts and take care :)


Topic: I did it again damn it!
Subject: I did it again damn it! - Posted: 4/14/2005 3:43:42 PM

I almost had to hide under my desk!

Men can be so unnerving at times! 

You have come such a long way.  He will take any attention and reaction he can get out of you, whether postive or negative!


Topic: I KNOW THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR ME....BUT..
Subject: I KNOW THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR ME....BUT.. - Posted: 4/14/2005 3:47:21 PM
pooty36 wrote:


I think you are right!! One man can do it! I have never had this problem before and I have been in many different relationships. I have always been the one to break away and never (that I knew about it) was I cheated on. Itís amazing how we can turn to "dumb" when the evil ones come along!!!


And liberating when you finally leave the evil one!

No man before him and no man after will do it to you again.  You will feel stronger and WISER! 

You'll reach that point soon.....


Topic: Look what I got lmm!
Subject: Look what I got lmm! - Posted: 4/14/2005 9:26:45 PM

I was at a water park a few years ago.  I was going down a huge slide on my stomache, face first.  I ran into some slight turbulance (sp?) and it ripped my belly ring.  I didn't even feel it happen, but noticed when I stood up.  It ripped the skin and one of the life guards gave me peroxide and it was all bubbly and just disgusting.  Needless to say I didn't go down any more slides head first like that!

I kept the ring though and it finally healed.  Owchie!


Topic: Read any good books lately?
Subject: Read any good books lately? - Posted: 4/14/2005 9:32:16 PM
dazedstare wrote:

Iím on the look for a book I canít put down. I finished "The Notebook" not too long ago, and all I can say is itís much better than the movie. (Even though the movie is great as well.)



I hated the way the movie ended.  Talk about ruining a book! I like the way the book ended soooo much better!  I was disappointed. 

I still think movies can ruin great books sometimes.

"Where the Heart Is" was a good movie.  It followed the book pretty well.  I read the book in my high school English class and then a year later, the movie came out.  It was neat.

What type of books do you like?  I read an assortment.  Right now, I am reading Tom Brokaw's "Greatest Generation."  I read like a mad woman so I am constantly searching for new books to read.

I'm going to have to check out a few that y'all have posted.

Krismiss- I think we have similar taste in books!


Topic: Its picture time!!! :)
Subject: Its picture time!!! :) - Posted: 4/14/2005 10:34:40 PM

Cute shirt you have on Bunny

Love the dress! 

I can't wait to see pics from the prom and your trip!  Be safe :)


Topic: Yep Im posting it...vibrators
Subject: Yep Im posting it...vibrators - Posted: 4/15/2005 8:00:15 AM

What is so different about the rabbit?  I remember another thread, someone had mentioned a pocket rocket (I think that was the name of it).

They can stimulate oral as well???  Holy Schmoly!

I don't have a vibrator either, but have been thinking of purchasing one. 

What should I look for when buying a first?


Topic: Read any good books lately?
Subject: Read any good books lately? - Posted: 4/15/2005 8:04:08 AM
LoveLabyrinth wrote:
If you are into spiritual I would recommend the Left Behind series.  It will definately change your point of view on things.


I agree.  My dad and I have read the books together.  He'll buy one, read it, and send it to me and then I'll get the next, read it, send it to him, and so forth.

Topic: Read any good books lately?
Subject: Read any good books lately? - Posted: 4/15/2005 8:11:18 AM
krismiss wrote:

Welcome to My Planet: Where English is Sometimes  Spoken  By Shannon Olsen --- A great novel, with the author as the main character. Itís best described as a coming-of-age in your twenties story. Itís particularly poignant if you have a very close relationship with your mom. Olsenís next book, Children of God Go Bowling, is also very good, but not as good as her first. Itís sort of coming-of-age in your thirties story. Better read about it on Amazon. I donít know how to describe it really. 



Is that the same author that wrote, Little Brown Shoes?

Topic: Read any good books lately?
Subject: Read any good books lately? - Posted: 4/15/2005 10:48:00 AM
krismiss wrote:
Lady1981 wrote:
krismiss wrote:

Welcome to My Planet: Where English is Sometimes  Spoken  By Shannon Olsen --- A great novel, with the author as the main character. Itís best described as a coming-of-age in your twenties story. Itís particularly poignant if you have a very close relationship with your mom. Olsenís next book, Children of God Go Bowling, is also very good, but not as good as her first. Itís sort of coming-of-age in your thirties story. Better read about it on Amazon. I donít know how to describe it really. 



Is that the same author that wrote, Little Brown Shoes?


I donít think so. Iím not familiar with that book.


It's a children's book.

I found the author.  It was Shannon Young...my bad


Topic: Yep Im posting it...vibrators
Subject: Yep Im posting it...vibrators - Posted: 4/15/2005 10:51:27 AM
bunnyluvin wrote:
You know lady, you actually were the one to inspire me for thispost.  I was reading posts on my search for vibrators and one ofyours came up and I think you said something along the line of, "withall this talk of vibrators now I need to go and get one." 


 




Ohhh yea.  I remember that thread.  I do need to get one. 

Is that the emoticon that we thought was a vibrator one time and then got on the topic of Battery Operated Boyfriends?


Topic: Secret Lives of Teen Girls
Subject: Secret Lives of Teen Girls - Posted: 4/15/2005 12:12:05 PM

 

So, it has to be obvious already that I am a huge Oprah fan.  I was wondering if anyone else has been following her two part special report on the Secret Lives of Teen Girls with Venus and Serena Williams and Jada Pinkett Smith. 

I graduated from high school in 2000, so I have only been out for 5 years and I don't remember facing a lot of the issues that girls face.  Maybe it was because I am originally from a small town. 

There are girls having sex at 11 and 12 years old, drinking until they pass out, are in physically and emotionally abusive relationships (already!), and the list goes on. It broke my heart to hear their stories.  They talked about mean girls, bullying, name calling, etc. 

I think it's great Oprah has tackled this tough issue.  I hope a lot of girls were able to watch and learn from this special.  If you have daughters, I encourage you to watch it, order a tape, or try to catch a repeat.  I was shocked at what is going on in a world I lived in only 5 years ago.

Something else it made me think of.  It seems that girls are going through puberty earlier.  My friends niece is in the 3rd grade and a classmate has already started her period. 

I just feel like I was so fortunate and blessed by a wonderful childhood that seems to be taken away from girls now.

Thoughts?  Opinions?  Did anyone else watch?

 

 

http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200504/tows_past_20050415.jhtml


Topic: Dreams
Subject: Dreams - Posted: 4/15/2005 9:48:13 PM

What does it mean when you dream your teeth are falling our or you lose a tooth?

I keep having those dreams.  I thought someone on here was good at interpreting dreams. 

Worth a shot.


Topic: I still havent broke down and gone back!!!
Subject: I still havent broke down and gone back!!! - Posted: 4/17/2005 5:03:56 AM

Good going Cat!  His cell phone proved to you that he still wants to have his cake and eat it too!  I'm so glad you aren't going to go back and keep a continuous cycle with him.  You are gaining so much self respect and I applaud you!

Keep it up! Remember, the more he realizes he no longer has you, the harder he will try to get you back.  Stay strong and keep us updated!


Topic: What a horrible thing to do to people
Subject: What a horrible thing to do to people - Posted: 4/17/2005 5:16:19 AM

I want this 6 minutes of my life back please. 

 <----and for kicks and to lighten the mood this thread put me in...that's for Bunny whose new gift is in the mail


Topic: :-( well now I am neglectful
Subject: :-( well now I am neglectful - Posted: 4/17/2005 5:19:52 AM

Maybe I am missing something, what is the story with the fireman and what's RO?


Topic: Krissmiss...or anyone else for that matter haha...
Subject: Krissmiss...or anyone else for that matter haha... - Posted: 4/17/2005 1:37:55 PM

I addressed the thread to Krissmiss because I think she has an English Lit. degree, but anyone can respond :)

As you know, I am finishing a Nursing degree, but I am working on another degree during the summer and will continue after I complete Nursing. 

Iím confused!  I enjoy reading, thinking and writing.  I like to analyze and interpret what I read.  I am one of the few college students that doesnít mind writing papers! 

I have a broad area of interest in politics and working with the public as well. I recently got a regular position at our stateís headquarters here in town. 

I guess my question is what in the world should I get the second degree in?  I am thinking of Political Science, International Studies (within the Poli Sci Dept) or English.  Iím at a loss.  They all interest me.

I will most likely work for humanitarian causes with the nursing and other degree.  Law School has always been an option (I want to be prepared should I choose that route).  Iíd love to work internationally (Medical Missions type ordeal).  Basically, I love to read, write, work with people and I enjoy the medical field....so these are the options I am toying around with.

I have talked with advisors at school and theyíre not doing any good.  The Nursing Dept. is having a fit because I am taking courses other than Nursing in the summer.  However, they donít offer Nursing in the summer so itís a great time to work on completing the second degree.  The Liberal Arts dept. said for me to make a decision based on my interests. Umm...thatís why I went to them to start with. 

What is the most practical?  Which would be the most broad?  Can I major in one and work in another field?

Ahh!!!  I have to make a decision really soon because of registration issues.

Any thoughts?  Opinions?  Words of wisdom?  Anyone else hold any of these degrees?


Topic: Krissmiss...or anyone else for that matter haha...
Subject: Krissmiss...or anyone else for that matter haha... - Posted: 4/17/2005 2:23:57 PM

I have 3 semesters of Nursing left.  I wish they offered clinicals in the summer, but they don't  so it's three regular semesters.

I used to be a Public Relations major and the thought had crossed my mind about getting into Journalism.  I would love to expose some of the inhumanity that is beyond the public's immediate attention. 

I'm just so confused and I feel pushed to make a decision and I really am being pushed because registration comes up soon.  I have done all of the prereqs in my old major so there's nothing left to take except for the major classes.

Journalism isn't a bad suggestion.  I'll def. put that in my thinking pot. 

You are also a nurse, so I'm sure you know where the drive for human rights and medical missions comes from.  So many people are misinformed and working with the economically lower class, I see so much.

I'm doing well though since this is my biggest problem I have.  Could be worse, but still on my mind as the deadline draws closer!


Topic: Desperate housewives
Subject: Desperate housewives - Posted: 4/17/2005 8:03:12 PM

I like that warning you put there

I know what you're talking about.  I tried to look it up online , but can't find anything.  My roommate usually watches too but she has been out of town.  When she gets back tomorrow, I'll see if she recorded it.

I'll keep you posted!


Topic: What a horrible thing to do to people
Subject: What a horrible thing to do to people - Posted: 4/17/2005 8:13:00 PM
Miss Priss wrote:


Flies and honey, darling.  And I am in no way calling antilibber a fly..it is just an expression.

 



What is that saying?  Something about attracting flies with honey???

My mom used to say it. 


Topic: Desperate housewives
Subject: Desperate housewives - Posted: 4/18/2005 2:56:35 AM

I took that DH quiz online too.  I was Lynette.

My roommate didn't record it.  You could try to download the episode.  I may because I'm interested in this quote you are looking for.  I remember it but don't remember exactly how it was worded.


Topic: A post I deleted by I am putting back
Subject: A post I deleted by I am putting back - Posted: 4/18/2005 8:46:26 AM

I think the others have mentioned everything I would want to mention.

There are some upscale clubs as well.  I have been to one of the upscale places here in town with some guy friends of mine.  The men were not allowed in without proper attire.  No hats, tshirts, jeans, etc.  Women who came could not be admitted without a man referred to as their "escort" for the evening.  I remember wearing dress pants and a nice top with my pearls.  The other girl I was with was dressed the same and our guy friends had on dress pants, ties, polo shirts, etc.  There were men working security everywhere. They were wearing vests, bow ties, and so on.  The shot girls would walk around and give dances, shots, and so forth but security kept their eye on them.

I feel that a place like that is a much better place to work rather than the cheap, backroad type places. 

I do think you need to think really hard before making a decision.  Think of all your options and the points everyone has brought to your attention in this thread.

I have heard of many strippers getting into drugs and alcohol before getting on stage and I don't want to see that happen.  I'm sure right now you are thinking you would never let it go that far, but that could have been what many of them have said in their pasts as well.

I'm behind you in whatever you decide to do.  Don't get involved in something you do not want or feel uncomfortable with. 

Have you been to a strip club?  I'd encourage checking it out first.  See what the women are like, how the place runs, security, etc. before doing an amatuer night. 

 


Topic: Beauty and Skincare Products
Subject: Beauty and Skincare Products - Posted: 4/18/2005 8:52:20 AM
krismiss wrote:

I donít have any wrinkles yet, but I worry about this. The newer products say that they can smooth out fine lines. Do you think this is true?



Ahhh!!  I am already worried about wrinkles too!!  I think I am getting smile lines.  I feel like I am wrinkling under the eye when I smile.  Does that mean I will be wrinkled like that in a few years or am I being silly?

 


Topic: A post I deleted by I am putting back
Subject: A post I deleted by I am putting back - Posted: 4/18/2005 1:18:27 PM

Maybe I am behind the times, but what's the chicken ranch???

 


Topic: Lost condom
Subject: Lost condom - Posted: 4/18/2005 1:56:42 PM
mygirl wrote:

 He says that he doesnít care what I think or how I feel about things, and if he did he would tell me. 

Am I just tying to find something that isnít there?



I don't like that statement he made to you.  If he were innocent, he should be moving mountains to prove to you that he loves you, is faithful to you, and is worthy of your love in return.  It does matter what you think and how you feel.

Honestly- it seems to me you know the answer to your question.  There is a history of cheating there.  Before you jump the gun, check out the "Catch a Cheater" section at the bottom of the page as suggested in an above post.

Do your investigating but don't let him know what you are doing.  Gather your facts and irrefutable evidence and confront him.

Good luck to you and keep us posted.

I smell a rat!


Topic: What do I do? He is chasing my friend!
Subject: What do I do? He is chasing my friend! - Posted: 4/18/2005 2:00:06 PM

This is great news!  I wish you the best and I hope that your husband is sincere and that the two of you can hash things out.

and keep us posted!


Topic: Conflicting feelings
Subject: Conflicting feelings - Posted: 4/18/2005 2:09:01 PM

I understand how you feel.  It is very frustrating that you have invested so much time, emotion and energy into someone only to get screwed over in the end.  You gave and gave and they took and drained the life out of you only to leave you stranded.  They move on without a second thought to you.  It's very unfair, but unfortunately that's the way it is.

It hurts because you want him to hurt they way you do.  Someone on this site once said it and I believe it to be very true. Someone said, "He will never hurt the way you hurt because he did not care the way you cared."  Letting that thought sink in hurts just as much, but there is a lot of truth to it.

Don't rush yourself into another relationship. If you don't take your time to heal, you will end up hurt again.

What are you doing now to fill up time?  Have you thought about volunteering or exercising? 

It's cliche but staying busy really is the way to go.  It's a great way to network with other people and to keep that busy mind occupied.

I hope you are able to get past this soon.  It's hard but you can do it and in the end, you will be much stronger and wiser!

 

 


Topic: yay!
Subject: yay! - Posted: 4/18/2005 2:15:06 PM

Good for you sweetsins!  It feels like a lightbulb turning on above your head.  Hold on to the knowledge you have found and the happiness you feel.  Continue to grow as a person and seek to better yourself always!

I hope you will continue to post.  I'm sure many of us can benefit from your story and advice.

Congrats to you!


Topic: Missing The Narcissist
Subject: Missing The Narcissist - Posted: 4/18/2005 2:17:49 PM
target wrote:
Miss the dream. Live the reality.


I like that saying!  That's a good way to put it.


Topic: What Cartoon Character Are You???
Subject: What Cartoon Character Are You??? - Posted: 4/18/2005 2:23:53 PM
Harley wrote:

  
  
(22-28 points) You are Arnold: You have lots of
 friends & you are also popular, always willing to
 give advice and help out a person in need. You are
 very optimistic and you always see the bright side
 of things. Some good advice: Try not to be too much
 of a dreamer. If not, you will have many conflicts
 with life.
 
  



I was Arnold!

This was a fun quiz!


Topic: Beer Mathematics (this is a cool test)
Subject: Beer Mathematics (this is a cool test) - Posted: 4/18/2005 2:24:56 PM
Oh my.  That's creepy!  I have seen quizzes like that before and I try to trick the quiz and it never works!

Topic: Playstation over me?
Subject: Playstation over me? - Posted: 4/18/2005 2:27:41 PM

PS2 is an addictive hobby, but the PS2 cannot love him back the way you do.

Mention that one to him.


Topic: For The Amusement Of
Subject: For The Amusement Of - Posted: 4/18/2005 2:30:28 PM

Makes me think of 1984.

Where did you find those Sam?


Topic: Beauty and Skincare Products
Subject: Beauty and Skincare Products - Posted: 4/18/2005 3:45:25 PM
krismiss wrote:

Lady,

Do you use a suncreen everyday?  I avoided the sun altogether for years because my mom was diagnosed with skin cancer when I was 15. She has had malignant spots removed for the past 20 years, including two last week. We have the exact same coloring, so I know it could happen to me, too.  I think this avoidance of the sun is what has kept me youthful-looking. Now, thank God, they have moisturizers with sunscreen, so now I donít have to avoid the sun as much.  If you use a moisturizer with suncreen and a good eye cream, youíll be just fine. I wouldnít lay out in the sun, though, unless you wear a SPF of 30 or higher.



I am outdoors a lot biking, running, basketball, whatever I can do.  I wear sunscreen and the foundation I use also has an SPF 15, but I don't wear a lot of makeup.

I think they are just smile lines.  After reading the last few posts, I got a hand held mirror and stared at the skin around my eyes and kept smiling to see what happened..  I started noticing other women as well and they have the same thing I do, so hopefully I am not aging too soon! :)

On the Botox topic, my mom uses a lot of Aloette cosmetics.  She uses these firming sirums.  I have posted a link below.  She swears by them.

http://www.aloette.com/subcategory.aspx?category=23


Topic: A post I deleted by I am putting back
Subject: A post I deleted by I am putting back - Posted: 4/18/2005 4:45:12 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:


It is a place outside las vegas that has legalized prostitution. In other words, prostitutes live and work there to service maleclients. It has a souveneir shop and everything.


Ohhh okay.  I have heard of the bunny ranch.  I'm not sure where it is, but I saw a special on HBO.

Are you considering that as an option as well?


Topic: A post I deleted by I am putting back
Subject: A post I deleted by I am putting back - Posted: 4/18/2005 5:04:33 PM
What are your thoughts now that you have read everyone's responses?  Reached any decisions?

Topic: Krissmiss...or anyone else for that matter haha...
Subject: Krissmiss...or anyone else for that matter haha... - Posted: 4/18/2005 5:19:34 PM

Thanks y'all!  You all have provided a lot to think about and much insight.  My mom works in a law firm so I have grown up around attorneys, politics, etc.  My dad has a furniture store and that type of business has no appeal or interest for something in my future.  My mom is constantly telling me that if I choose law school, I have to be prepared to give up my life through school and then plan on working more than the usual 40 hour week.  Those are things I am thinking about as well.

I have time to think about law school.  I want to focus on the undergrad but at the same time, I want to consider courses and majors that will help on the LSAT and in law school.

The wonderful thing about Nursing is that I can work weekends and a day or so a week and have plenty of time to devote to finishing the other degree. 

I had my first full day at the State Party Headquarters and fell in love with the job!  It was a lot of networking with people and preparing for the state convention and caucus this weekend.  I had my own little cubicle with a computer and phone.  I did a lot of guest lists and preparation for a dinner Friday night and worked on ticket designs and some research.  It was such a great day and I can't wait to go back in!

Anyway, as far as registration, I am going to go ahead and do the International Studies.  As I progress, I have the option of intensive major in a particular area, culture, country, etc.  I'll cross that bridge when I get there.  I have already taken the prereqs so I'm going to be able to jump right in- of course I have to put the Nursing first until that is completed.  I figured that when I finish International, I can always finish an English Lit. if I am seriously considering law school.  By then, I will have had everything but the actual Lit. classes so I should be able to finish shortly thereafter. 

This is getting insane!

Krissmiss- your friends friend sounds like she has an ideal job that I would love to consider someday!  I looked into international law and the U.N. has some great information on International law and criminal courts, etc. 

I could be someone like Mark Darcy from Bridget Jones' Diary when he rescues her from prison! 


Topic: Krissmiss...or anyone else for that matter haha...
Subject: Krissmiss...or anyone else for that matter haha... - Posted: 4/18/2005 5:25:14 PM
krismiss wrote:

No one can tell you what to major in, Lady. Have you started reading Traveling Mercies yet?

I have complete faith that you will figure this out. Youíre a smart cookie!  Also, pray for guidance. Iíll pray for you, too.

 



I haven't started Traveling Mercies yet.  It arrived in the mail though.  In this month's O magazine, Oprah had a small book in the package called What I Know for Sure that I am finishing up hopefully tonight or tomorrow and then I will start the other book.

Thanks for suggesting that book.  I flipped through it and look foward to reading.

Thanks for your prayers! :)


Topic: What a horrible thing to do to people
Subject: What a horrible thing to do to people - Posted: 4/18/2005 5:27:09 PM
I have heard men refer to masturbation as "killing kittens" so is this where that comes from?

Topic: Question for Chick1110...
Subject: Question for Chick1110... - Posted: 4/18/2005 6:26:46 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:


Uh oh... tylenol and ibuprofen are bad for kidneys and liver, and then aspirin can cause ulcers... then what do I take to relieve my pain?  What does advil have in it?  Cuz I have been living off of those the past two weeks. 

Iím a gonner. ;)



It seems like everything that does good for your body can also cause harm.  Just don't overdo anything and you shouldn't be a gonner haha!

Advil is pretty good especially for inflammation.  I used to take 4 every 4-6 hours when I had knee trouble in high school from running track.


Topic: I hope I still have a job after today
Subject: I hope I still have a job after today - Posted: 4/19/2005 9:13:42 AM
Uh oh...what happened?

Topic: HE DID IT AGAIN
Subject: HE DID IT AGAIN - Posted: 4/19/2005 9:22:47 AM

He doesn't seem like the brightest star in the sky!  It sounds like he enjoys getting your attention and keeping it whether he is being positive or negative.  As long as he can hold you on the phone, he will rant and rave about anything and everything.  Good for you for hanging up on him.  You don't have to listen to that. 

I'm glad you have been able to see the good in what you once thought were bad or tough situations. 

You're doing such a wonderful job and I hope you continue to do so!

Be strong!


Topic: Read any good books lately?
Subject: Read any good books lately? - Posted: 4/19/2005 11:11:44 AM
If you get a chance, pick up a copy of this month's O magazine.  There is a supplement in the package called, The Best of Oprah's What I know for Sure.  It's a pretty fast read and very inspiring and thought provoking.  It's in celebration of 5 years of her magazine.  It's worth the time even if you want to read a small chapter a night before bed :)

Topic: I hope I still have a job after today
Subject: I hope I still have a job after today - Posted: 4/19/2005 4:49:12 PM
chick1110 wrote:


Lady are you doing clinical now and having to deal with
some of the asshole docs? Surgeons and orthopods are
some of the worst.


I have met some wonderful doctors but have also crossed paths with some who are very cocky. 

I do not hesitate to question orders.  I'll usually go to my Nursing Instructor or Nurse Manager of the unit I am on.  If they cannot answer, I will go straight to the doctor.  Some of them cannot stand to be questioned, especially by a student.  I read assignments before class and clinical and have no problem questioning if I don't think something is right.  A lot of them minimize patient and family concerns which is irritating to me.  They dismiss pain and common symptoms.  I have seen doctors half way listen and then start scribbling out a prescription without fully listening.  It's annoying.

Some doctors have been wonderful.  Some actually listen to patients and address all concerns, medical and psychological.  When working as a student (outside of clinical) last summer, a few great doctors would pull me in rooms and allow me to watch procedures and teach as they go.  Those were some of the best experiences I have had thus far.

But yes....some are assholes and are very hard to deal with.  The only thing I know to do in order to deal with it is speak my peace and document what I say and the response so that I clear my name and will not be held accountable if something goes wrong.

 

 


Topic: Lady of Richmond
Subject: Lady of Richmond - Posted: 4/19/2005 4:50:11 PM

Yogiguru hasn't been around in a while either.


Topic: Yep Im posting it...vibrators
Subject: Yep Im posting it...vibrators - Posted: 4/19/2005 4:52:20 PM
chick1110 wrote:

Since Iíve been on this new thyroid medicine
Iíve been a horny maniac I even have orgasms in my dreams
those are sweet!


Hmm..Interesting you say that.  I am on Synthroid to regulate an underactive thyroid. 

I have similar maniac tensions and dreamsIs it the medication?  I have never heard that before. 


Topic: Im not quite sure where to post this it...
Subject: Im not quite sure where to post this it... - Posted: 4/19/2005 5:16:46 PM

Ditto with what she said.  Itís sort of in the vicinity of the anterior wall and feels sort of like a grapefruit.  I think the woman on top and slightly leaned forward gives the best stimulation, but Iím sure there are many other positions as well.

Hmmm...how do you stimulate both spots?  Is that common to happen?

 


Topic: Yep Im posting it...vibrators
Subject: Yep Im posting it...vibrators - Posted: 4/19/2005 5:24:25 PM
chick1110 wrote:
Lady I didnít know you had thyroid problems.Iím taking
Levoxyl a generic of Synthroid.I visit a thyroid message board
that is very informative people there talk about vivid dreams
while on medication.This has been a rollercoaster ride for me
Iíve been on PTU for hyper as well. I have Hashimotoís disease
which is a ride between hypo and hyper I know I will eventually
have to decide between surgery or radioacitve idoine to kill
the thyroid but Iím fighting it right now.In the mean time my
world and my hormones have run amuck some days I feel like
Iím losing my mind Iím all fumble fingers and have major
mind fog.It was so nice to talk to other people and realize
I am not all alone just like this place.
May I ask what your symptoms are?


Yes, I have an underactive thyroid if I do not stay on the Synthroid.  I had gained a lot of weight all of a sudden and was sluggish.  My gynocologist is actually the one who diagnosed.  I have been on meds for about 4 years and have lost the weight, thank goodness! :)

So I'll blame it on the meds!  That's interesting.  I have never heard of that before.

If you have surgery or treatment, when will you have to finally give in and go for it?


Topic: Yep Im posting it...vibrators
Subject: Yep Im posting it...vibrators - Posted: 4/19/2005 6:10:59 PM
chick1110 wrote:


Did you have probs with your period before you found out
what was wrong?


Yep.  That's why I ended up at the gyno to start with.  I had gained weight with no periods.  I had taken a pregnancy test and it was negative so I figured something was wrong or either it was stress related.

I usually have irregular or absent periods if I do not take the pill.


Topic: Yep Im posting it...vibrators
Subject: Yep Im posting it...vibrators - Posted: 4/20/2005 2:54:25 AM
chick1110 wrote:


Well Iím sorry youíre having to deal with this at such an early
age.Have you had an ultrasound to check out your thyroid
for nodules? Would you like the name of this site so you
can talk to others?


I believe that my thyroid problem was caught early enough that it shouldn't cause any more problems.  As soon as I noticed something different in my body, I immediately went to get it checked out.  I was running 4-5 miles a day or biking and couldn't understand why I was so tired and gaining weight. 

I will have to be on Synthroid the rest of my life but I know of many stories where thyroid problems really mess up one's health so I am grateful that this should be my largest problem.

I'd love to have the name of the site.  I'm sure I could learn a lot more and hear what others have to say :)


Topic: I hope I still have a job after today
Subject: I hope I still have a job after today - Posted: 4/20/2005 3:06:26 AM

My eyes welled up with tears reading that story.  You are absolutely right! 

I have heard and read many times that hearing is the last sense to go.

I constantly talk to patients as well.  If it were my family member or friend, I would want those caring for him/her to be compassionate and humane to my loved one. 

I worked on the Oncology unit last summer and several patients were unresponsive on a Morphine drip but I kept on talking as I would bathe them, clean them, or whatever I was in there to do.  A lot of times I would sit and talk about what's going on in the world (without giving my opinion of course), where I am from,or compliment the person. 

I think the medical profession is such a rewarding career.  There is something about caring for another person that nothing else compares to. 

Nursing has led me into other areas and issues as well.  I have really became interested in human rights (patient rights included) and the laws and rules behind policies and procedures.  If you've read other threads, I am also going to finish another degree and possibly prepare for law school. 

I'm so glad to hear there is another medical professional out there who truely cares!  So many get caught up in the money and benefits and forget why they went into the profession to begin with.  It's a very fulfilling job and I'm so happy to hear you enjoy it!

Don't worry about that Radiologist- I'm glad your boss is behind you and supporting you.  Keep your focus on the patients that you care for and your job and continue to be fulfilled in that. :)


Topic: Venting
Subject: Venting - Posted: 4/20/2005 3:12:13 AM

Ugh ED!  How frustrating! 

As Alexander said, take that energy and work it off!  Get a punching bag, go for a run, do some crazy sit ups...work it off and out of your system in a healthy way.

I'm sorry that your ex is being such a jerk, but you seem to be a wonderful and loving mother.  Keep on keeping on and keep that head held high!


Topic: well Nathaniel ONeill/Hughes is a moron
Subject: well Nathaniel ONeill/Hughes is a moron - Posted: 4/20/2005 3:18:27 AM

It sounds like he likes to "show out" in front of others for attention or whatever his reason may be.

Continue listening to your attorney and follow his/her advice very closely. 

I hope things begin to settle down for you soon.  You surely have been through it and back!


Topic: Yep Im posting it...vibrators
Subject: Yep Im posting it...vibrators - Posted: 4/20/2005 5:56:22 AM
shattered4good wrote:

that is also a sign of PCOS which I have had for 39 years.  Have you been to an ENDOCRINOLOGIST?  this is NOT something a GYN can diagnose.  I have been doing advocacy for PCOS for 10 years and can tell you - GET TO AN ENDO.... please!!! (Hashimotoís also has similar symptoms)

GYNS are often used as primary care physicians but this requires an ENDO to sort out.  Please go!!!

http://www.pcostrategies.org

http://www.pcosupport.org



Thanks for pointing that out Shattered.  I will read into it and bring it up in my next appointment.  I believe I go back in 2 or 3 weeks.  I'll have to look on my calander.  I'm so forgetful!

I do have an endocrinologist that my gyno recommended, but this has never been discussed.  She usually keeps up with labs such as T4, TSH, etc. 

I will do my research and bring this up in my next appointment. 

You are a wealth of knowledge Shattered!


Topic: Its picture time!!! :)
Subject: Its picture time!!! :) - Posted: 4/20/2005 6:02:22 AM
judyl wrote:
Would someone please tell me how to post a picture? Thank you! JUDY


Click on the little tree icon and the top of your post.  Then it will have a pop up box and choose Browse and find the picture you want to post.  Then click upload.  When you are ready to post, just click select on the picture!  I hope this helps and can't wait to see your pics!


Topic: Conflicting feelings
Subject: Conflicting feelings - Posted: 4/20/2005 6:41:45 AM

I'm sorry you have had such a rough time, but I'm glad you are seeing a therapist to help you. 

Treat yourself to a new and nice outfit or a manicure or pedicure.  I love having spa pedicures.  You sit in a chair that massages you and the water bubbles and massages your feet.  It's soooo nice and such a relaxing time! 

I think Krissmiss has a great idea.  Exercise will not only help you lose weight, but you will feel more energy. At first, it feels tiring, but the more you press on, the better you will feel.  You will also feel so much better about yourself.  My dad started walking in the mornings a few years ago. He would usually go for about 20-30 minutes by himself.  He went at the same time every morning and so did other people in the nieghborhood so he ended up seeing the same people every morning.  In fact, my parents have become friends with some of the other couples that my father has met.  They come over for cookouts, dessert, etc.  It's a great network!

Thanks for updating us and I hope you come back and post often!  Keep up the great work and you'll see positive changes soon!  Hang in there :)


Topic: An Update
Subject: An Update - Posted: 4/20/2005 6:59:58 AM

Great!  I am so happy to hear you have good news!  I'm glad things are going well and you two are in counseling.

We are also glad to have you here and hope you continue to post and update us :)


Topic: Got spammed again by Clubgp.com
Subject: Got spammed again by Clubgp.com - Posted: 4/20/2005 11:12:45 PM

I missed all the action earlier but just read all of this.  They sure did take a lot of time out of their night to come harass us.  I don't know about y'all but I have no desire to spam or even go to their site.  I couldn't care less. 

For all of us to be fat ugly cunts, they sure did spend a lot of time on us. 

Glad y'all cleaned up the spam.


Topic: The Wagons Are Circling
Subject: The Wagons Are Circling - Posted: 4/20/2005 11:39:33 PM

I'm interested in seeing how all of this plays out!  I swear, it's a Lifetime movie!

Jeff is very manipulative and I can't wait until someone outsmarts him and he goes away for a long long time!!! bwwwhahahaha!!!


Topic: S.C. Lawmaker....
Subject: S.C. Lawmaker.... - Posted: 4/22/2005 5:53:36 AM

S.C. Lawmaker Makes íInappropriateí Comments

Comments Made After Domestic Violence Bill Tabled

POSTED: 12:12 am EDT April 21, 2005
UPDATED: 6:04 am EDT April 21, 2005

Some Upstate women are outraged about comments a South Carolina lawmaker made about domestic violence, saying the comments could hurt people whoíve already been victimized.

"The woman ought not be around the man. I mean, you women want it one way and not another. Women want to punish the men. I donít understand when women go back around to men who abuse them," Charleston Rep. John Graham Altman said in an interview with a Columbia television station.

Rep. John Graham Altman
Altmanís comments were made after a House committee this week passed a bill to make cockfighting a felony, but tabled a bill that would have done the same for domestic violence first offenders.

"I think this bill is probably drafted out of an abundance of ignorance," Altman said.

Lynn Hawkins is the director of the Rape Crisis Coalition in Spartanburg. It runs the largest battered womenís shelter in the state. She said Altmanís comments about domestic violence are upsetting.

"That man is so narrow-minded, if he fell face forward on a razor blade he would put out both of his eyes," Hawkins said.

"Letís not blame the victim, but tell me, what self-respecting person goes back around someone who beats her?" Altman asked.

"Is he not blaming the victim with that very statement?" Hawkins asked.

On Wednesday, House Speaker David Wilkins responded to Altmanís comments.

"The comments that were made were inappropriate," Wilkins said. "Itís regrettable, but it should not tarnish the hard work of the men and women of the South Carolina House."

"We need to increase the penalties for the first and second offense for domestic violence," said Wilkins.

After 16 years in her line of work, Hawkins said winning the fight against domestic violence is an uphill battle.

"The first two times itís a misdemeanor. The third time it can be a felony, but its just not equating. Our justice system is not just in this case," Hawkins said.

Wilkins said the committee tabled the domestic violence bill because many elements in it were "objectionable."

It wouldíve changed laws in South Carolina to allow mental cruelty as grounds for divorce.

Rep. Gilda Cobb-Hunter plans to introduce a modified domestic violence bill in January.


Topic: One Year and Going
Subject: One Year and Going - Posted: 4/22/2005 6:17:50 AM
krismiss wrote:
SDT wrote:

Congratulations on your dump! It sure sounds like the weight of the relationship is much lighter now that itís in the past!



LOLOLOL.......When put like this, it sounds like she went to the bathroom and flushed her ex down the toilet.


That's about what it feels like sometimes!

Good for you been_there!  Getting your life back is definately something to celebrate and congrats!  Keep on keeping on and you'll get through it.  You seem to have come so far!

We're glad to have you in our little corner of the internet and hope you stick around as I am sure many women and men can benefit from your courage!


Topic: For Lady or Any Other Oprah Fans
Subject: For Lady or Any Other Oprah Fans - Posted: 4/22/2005 7:29:44 AM

I was raised in a home where it was clear that my parents love for me was different than their love for each other.  My father put my mother first in romantic ways and vice versa.  They usually made major decisions together and I do remember them discussing how it would affect me and I know they have always wanted what is best.

I think the family is no longer looked at as a whole unit made of different parts.  Each member has a different role.  I can never hold the role of my father, my mother can never hold the role of daughter(in my immediate family), etc.  It seems as though the roles are blending together.  Many children are having to play mom or dad and being forced to grow up too soon. 

I don't feel that a mother's world should revolve completely around her child.  Women carry many burdens and can handle so much at one time.  She needs time for herself and time for her husband.  Likewise, I think fathers need time for themselves and their wives.  Pitching in and helping out with raising children and tasks around the house can free up the woman to manage her time. 

I'm glad Oprah brought this issue to the public.  It's something to think about.  It'll be interesting to hear more feedback and to see if it changes the way families do their parenting.


Topic: S.C. Lawmaker....
Subject: S.C. Lawmaker.... - Posted: 4/22/2005 8:10:30 AM

I know!  I am completely appalled and outraged!  They were playing bits an pieces on the news of other comments he had made.  He was quoted and recorded saying, "Oh, just pop her."  I could feel my blood boiling!  This is one of my state's "leaders" and he is talking and acting in such a manner. 

If it were easy to just get up and leave abusive men and these situations, then we would have all done it a long time ago.  No one wants to be talked down to or get beatings and pulled by the hair.  Nor does anyone want to be called a slut, bitch, etc.  No one asks to be emotionally manipulated and once you have been knocked down, it takes stregnth and courage to get back up.  As leaders of our communities, states, and nation, you would hope that these men and women would stick up for all and not just a select few.  I am so outraged right now.  I am waiting until I calm down and I'm going to start letter writing.

I was at the Party Headquarters yesterday and we kept getting phonecalls about our thoughts, opinions, etc. And as a side note, I am not working for this man's party and if I were, I would have most likely found a new job.  There was a protest yesterday as well.

I hope that some good does come out of all of this though.  I hope it brings domestic violence to the forefront in legislation and action.  I hope that more women and men begin to do their research and understand.  I hope money starts flowing in to the centers.  Domestic violence is often dismissed, but it's my hope that it is not overlooked this time.

 


Topic: The Lying Game
Subject: The Lying Game - Posted: 4/22/2005 9:31:48 AM
shattered4good wrote:

Men have always lied to women to get what they want, but these days many New York women are finding that mendacity has evolved from an isolated disease into a full-blown epidemic. Internet dating and the ease of casual sex have made men unwilling to play by anyone elseís rules but their own, even if it means they must deceive to get what they want. If one woman wonít sleep with a guy on the first date, he can lie to get her out of the house and find someone who will. And when men are caught, they are surprisingly unrepentant; the moral bar has been lowered so far that women who complain about deception come off as high-maintenance psychos. Worse, by the time men are caught, theyíve already reaped the benefitsówhich is their goal.

 



I just cannot comprehend it.  I used to try, but gave up because I will never understand.  I have only been in one horrible relationship, but my eyes have truely been opened.  I never thought that one person could be so self centered and so manipulative.  I actually had my ex say to me one time, "I am doing what I want.  You're going to have to deal with it."  And for some time, I did, until I found this site, gained my self respect back and took control of my own life.

This is right on.  If a man(or woman) wants sex or to do something, s/he will do it regardless.  There is no stopping them.  It will happen- you  just may not find out about it until later.

Sometimes, I feel like I am old fashioned and should keep up with the times, but I like being old fashioned.  I want to be treated like a lady and will never again settle for less.  Part of that could be my deep and old southern roots :)

Very informative article Shattered. 


Topic: Factory Restore
Subject: Factory Restore - Posted: 4/22/2005 9:39:30 AM

Okay, this has nothing to do with the website, but I think I have a serious issue on my hard drive or something.  I have done virus scans, but the computer tech and my mom's law firm said that it's probably a pretty sneaky virus.  I have to use my computer all the time and I don't want to take it in anywhere, so he suggested a factory restore.

Anyway, point of the little rant is how do I do that?  I have a few CD's that came with my computer, but they say reinstallation.  Is that correct?  None of them come out and say specifically "Factory Restore"but is that not the same thing?

I tried a System Restore and it didn't do anything outstanding.  I think I have somehting that has been slowly eating away at my hard drive.

So, how do I go about doing this?


Topic: They Said WHAT??
Subject: They Said WHAT?? - Posted: 4/22/2005 9:46:43 AM

Shattered- I have said it plenty of times and I want to say it again.  You are truely a wealth of information and knowledge.   You are so compassionate about helping others.  People like you are a rarity and I'm glad to have "met" you on this site.

Keep up the good work.  I know you are helping millions!


Topic: Factory Restore
Subject: Factory Restore - Posted: 4/22/2005 10:11:04 AM
Okay.  I saved everything on a disc.  The reinstallation CD is the one I want to use?  I'm going to do it later on tongiht.

Topic: Alexander
Subject: Alexander - Posted: 4/22/2005 7:58:03 PM
Can you do something about these spammers?  This is beyond ridiculous.

Topic: Jeez...
Subject: Jeez... - Posted: 4/22/2005 8:06:29 PM

I have kept my cool and ignored the spamming but this is getting beyond ridiculous.  All of this over what?  Someone made a comment about a car?  I don't even want to come here anymore because I cannot decipher through who is really in need of support and who is bored and just wanting to clog up the boards.

I haven't commented on all of this thus far and I'm not going to after this post.  This is just getting out of control and I'm tired of it.


Topic: Spam?
Subject: Spam? - Posted: 4/23/2005 2:16:03 AM

You're awesome!  Thanks!


Topic: S.C. Lawmaker....
Subject: S.C. Lawmaker.... - Posted: 4/23/2005 11:44:15 AM

Kara Gormley is a highly respected and well liked journalist locally.  She is very professional, intelligent, and covers stories objectively.  She was treated very poorly by this man.

There were a lot of protests the day this was released and it's not over yet.  I wonder if this man is going to try and go up for re election?  Hmmm..should be interesting.

I'll continue to look into it but there is supposed to be another proposal for DV coming up within the next few months by another Rep. 

DV is treated too lightly and all too often dismissed. I really hope all of this has made the public more aware in SC and other states as well and education is key!


Topic: Jeez...
Subject: Jeez... - Posted: 4/23/2005 11:53:21 AM

I was not planning on leaving.  I was just getting so frustrated and the spam was not fun to sort through.  I love this site and I have made many friends on here.  Of course, we all joke around and have a good time, but when people first come, they are often in need of support.  It's bothersome to have to sort through bullshit to help those in need.

I remember the thread that started all of this.  Y'all have a good point to keep responding to posts because someone else may be reading it who is going through the same or a similar situation.

Don't worry!  This girl ain't goin' anywhere!


Topic: Beauty and Skincare Products
Subject: Beauty and Skincare Products - Posted: 4/23/2005 11:58:35 AM

I just remembered a makeup tip a friend told me once. 

In order for your lipstick to last a long time:  Apply the color, then blot it with your compact powder and then apply the color again.  It has great staying power!


Topic: Oh no! Oh no!
Subject: Oh no! Oh no! - Posted: 4/23/2005 2:29:46 PM

Ya know...something about that kool aide guy scares me.  I remember when I was younger, I'd cry when I saw those commercials.Clowns scare me too. 

Anyway....

I'm going to play putt-putt...This should be interesting.


Topic: Lost condom
Subject: Lost condom - Posted: 4/23/2005 2:31:51 PM

Hi Anna!  I saw you are a new member and wanted to welcome you! 

Feel free to post and vent anytime!  Glad to have you in our little corner of the internet!


Topic: Got spammed again by Clubgp.com
Subject: Got spammed again by Clubgp.com - Posted: 4/23/2005 7:04:23 PM
Alexander wrote:


I guess iím the one thats wrong. Fuck yall. goodbye everyone.


What's going on?  Did I miss something? 

Topic: Got spammed again by Clubgp.com
Subject: Got spammed again by Clubgp.com - Posted: 4/23/2005 7:15:51 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:


God damnit.  Yes.  The stupid people from clubgp that camehere to have a little "fun" are pissing everyone off and causing peopleto leave.  What is lmm going to do when she comes back and findsout that Alex among others are leaving. 

Come back alex, please, come back.


Why is Alex pissed?

Alex?

I'm confused....


Topic: Wapakoneta Ohio Women Beware
Subject: Wapakoneta Ohio Women Beware - Posted: 4/24/2005 6:52:59 AM
krismiss wrote:

The second and third posts are bizarre and pathetic.  



That seems to be the "norm" the last few days.


Topic: Factory Restore
Subject: Factory Restore - Posted: 4/24/2005 1:43:22 PM

I tried to use the reinstallation CD and it said the path doesn't exist and it kept telling me to insert a CD.

ARRRGH!!!!


Topic: Got spammed again by Clubgp.com
Subject: Got spammed again by Clubgp.com - Posted: 4/24/2005 4:57:10 PM
krismiss wrote:
Maybe these girls will learn the same lessons that we had to learn the hard way through this site.


What do you mean?

Have incidences like this one happened before?


Topic: The greatest little cleaning device ever invented
Subject: The greatest little cleaning device ever invented - Posted: 4/24/2005 5:07:15 PM
chick1110 wrote:
I also love Windex I may be related to that guy in My Big
Fat Greek Wedding :-)


So do I!  I find myself using it to clean quite often.  If all else fails, I break out the Windex :)


Topic: Psycho Ex
Subject: Psycho Ex - Posted: 4/24/2005 5:11:21 PM
hellhathnofury wrote:
I just found my creepy psycho exís profile on his newest dating agency website and do you know what, I dont even care!!!


Looks like he's out on the prowl searching for prey! 

It's a great feeling to not care- to be at that point where you have moved on in your actions, thoughts, and now feelings.

Congrats Hell!  Onward and upward!


Topic: The greatest little cleaning device ever invented
Subject: The greatest little cleaning device ever invented - Posted: 4/24/2005 5:29:00 PM
chick1110 wrote:
Is that what that emoticon is LOL I thought it was a light
bulb.


We had almost a whole thread going one time about what that emoticon was holding.  I think the final consensus was a rabbitís foot for good luck.  However, Bunny and I still call it a Bob because we think thatís what it looks like. 

Hey Bunny- at least your new Bob canít talk back to you ;)  Just be sure you still make time for us!


Topic: The greatest little cleaning device ever invented
Subject: The greatest little cleaning device ever invented - Posted: 4/24/2005 5:43:35 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:


It is on page 3, and I start the question by asking what it is. hehe


And so the Bob saga began....


Topic: dumped
Subject: dumped - Posted: 4/24/2005 5:54:39 PM
aussie59 wrote:
are you trying to tell me that there is no way to remain friends?  iím sure we will go our own separate ways, but i will always care about him.


I hope that you are able to remain friends with him if that is what you want.  I have learned from my own experience and others' as well that it is hard to stay just friends with an ex.  It usually ends up with one or the other getting jealous, disrespecting the others' feelings, or sleeping together again.

I'm sure you will always care for him and trust your instincts and you shouldn't go wrong.

and I hope this works out and you two are able to be friends.


Topic: Little Johnny...
Subject: Little Johnny... - Posted: 4/24/2005 7:24:44 PM

AHHH!!

That is hilarious!!!

Good one!


Topic: Got spammed again by Clubgp.com
Subject: Got spammed again by Clubgp.com - Posted: 4/24/2005 8:02:46 PM

Is Spam, the food, kind of like potted meat??


Topic: Naughty Me....
Subject: Naughty Me.... - Posted: 4/25/2005 5:39:30 AM

That was hilarious.  I'm still cracking up.  I'm going to have to send that one to some friends..hahaa.

 


Topic: Got spammed again by Clubgp.com
Subject: Got spammed again by Clubgp.com - Posted: 4/25/2005 5:43:30 AM

Ugh...Spam, Potted Meat, and do you know what those Treat patties are?  UGH!

Okay...no breakfast for me.


Topic: Oh no! Oh no!
Subject: Oh no! Oh no! - Posted: 4/25/2005 5:47:38 AM
bunnyluvin wrote:
haha!!! Lady it is 1:57 am here and I am watching Shorties watchingShorties, and guess what?  They are talking about the kool aid manand how he scared this man.  How he would poor his "blood" (koolaid) into glasses and drink it.  Then how he would crash throughwalls and the kids were always happy, but how the kidsí parentswouldnít believe a giant glass of kool aid did this.  Sorry, latenight/ early morning giggles.  Ha! Just thought of you. :)

Clowns scare me too...

oooh south park is on.


I have seen that where they talk about the kool aide guy.  It really did scare me.He busted through a wall with that smile and I dont know....it bothered me.


Topic: Is there such a thing as trust after cheating??
Subject: Is there such a thing as trust after cheating?? - Posted: 4/25/2005 5:59:16 AM

To be honest- he has cheated before and it sounds like he is doing it again.  If you want solid proof, check out the "Catch a Cheater" section at the bottom of the page.

I think you already know the answers to all of your questions.  In your own time, you will break it off.  You will continue to bend and bend and eventually, you will break and leave him.

He tries to turn everything around on you as part of his manipulation.  As long as he can keep you feeling guilty, he can keep you around.  You seem to be a sincere and caring person and he's going to play on that.

Do your investigatingYou'll come to that breaking point..hopefully sooner than later, and you will leave him. 

and keep us posted!


Topic: Be Thankful
Subject: Be Thankful - Posted: 4/25/2005 6:08:38 AM
aussiegem wrote:


 

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they can become your blessings.



That's a great poem Aussiegem.  I liked it.  I like that last line about being grateful for everything. It's so true.  If I just sit back and try and be thankful and positive, I have to fake it for a while, but it becomes natural.

That was a great read.  Thanks for posting it :)


Topic: Everything Happens For A Reason
Subject: Everything Happens For A Reason - Posted: 4/25/2005 6:10:16 AM

Another great read.

Thanks for sharing all of this with the rest of us! :)


Topic: Its Up To You
Subject: Its Up To You - Posted: 4/25/2005 6:16:34 AM

That is so true.  It's up to each person to take control of his/her own life.  Granted, sometimes we may have trouble coping, but help is out there and it's up to us to seek it out.

These are some really great reads today Aussiegem!


Topic: he has told me the truth
Subject: he has told me the truth - Posted: 4/25/2005 7:59:31 AM

I'm sure it still hurts and news like that is usually hard to hear.  At least now, you know the truth and you can move on and that's exactly what I want to encourage you to do.  Don't dwell on the hows and whys of the situation.  Pick up and keep going.  Meet new people, try new things, etc.

It's going to be hard and he'll probably come crawling back if it doesn't work out with his new relationship, but it's up to you to keep on going and don't wait around.  By the time he realizes what he missed, you will be too far gone!

and continue to keep us posted.  It's going to be tough, but you can do it!


Topic: Naughty Me....
Subject: Naughty Me.... - Posted: 4/25/2005 9:32:58 AM

Bunny- that is hilarious!  Did anyone see and question what you were looking at? hahaha!


Topic: This is me...... take it or leave it
Subject: This is me...... take it or leave it - Posted: 4/25/2005 11:47:29 AM

Absolutely! You and your friends are very beautiful women. 


Topic: IM BACK
Subject: IM BACK - Posted: 4/25/2005 11:50:15 AM

I was wondering where you ran off to.  If you don't mind my asking, what is going on with your mother?  Is she going to be okay?  If you don't want to talk about it, then ignore that I even asked.

Glad to have ya back!


Topic: Its picture time!!! :)
Subject: Its picture time!!! :) - Posted: 4/25/2005 1:14:58 PM
LL- Your picture didn't show up.

Topic: Its picture time!!! :)
Subject: Its picture time!!! :) - Posted: 4/25/2005 3:47:01 PM

Hmmm...I'll keep checking back.  I see a big box with the "x".  My computer has been rebelling against me lately, so it's probably just me. Thanks for letting me know you saw it.  Back to work on the computer repairs.


Topic: Cheating lying husband
Subject: Cheating lying husband - Posted: 4/25/2005 3:51:50 PM

Anna-

I donít think anyone meant anything personally against you.  There was a spam attack over the weekend.  People were registering and wasting board space.  Some of them were posting false stories just to get a reaction out of the members of the board.  No harm was meant toward you.  The spammers have raised some doubt and disharmony which was probably the intention. 

I apologize that you got caught up in it. 

We are here to listen and support you anytime, day or night!


Topic: Got spammed again by Clubgp.com
Subject: Got spammed again by Clubgp.com - Posted: 4/25/2005 7:25:39 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:


Okay... what are Treat patties?  The name vaguely sounds familiar.


Along the same line as the potted meat and spam.  My aunt used to fry treat and make sandwhiches.  I never ate them because I wasn't sure what was in it.

Topic: S.C. Lawmaker....
Subject: S.C. Lawmaker.... - Posted: 4/26/2005 8:31:47 PM

I tried to copy and paste some articles that came out today.  Apparently, Altman has made a public apology.  I saw it on the news and his words were, "I apologize to those I have offended and those I have not offended but seem to have offended."  I cannot judge his heart, but I did not sense any sincerity. 

And, nice political move.  He has co-sponsored a new bill to hit the floor tomorrow for a vote.  After his comments, he is now sponsoring a bill.  The original sponsor of the bill has stepped back because she does not agree with all that has gone on.  It has now become a political agenda. 

It has met all of my hopes.  It has led to both public and private discussions among SC residents.  Attention has finally been brought to victims of DV. 

There is a rally at the state house tomorrow afternoon in support of this bill and I am planning on going.


Topic: I need a new
Subject: I need a new - Posted: 4/26/2005 8:34:47 PM
krismiss wrote:

Perhaps you can just have an "Ask the MoFos" section. Something generic where we can all chime in and give our own advice.   This would also prevent the duty from falling on the shoulders of just one person. It would also prevent any sort of perceived power from being abused. 

My four cents (what can I say? Inflation!)....



I like that!  There are so many smart women and men who have so much to offer on this board and we all support each other and have through a lot of trying times. 

haha, inflation hahah.


Topic: Love,Lust and Marriage
Subject: Love,Lust and Marriage - Posted: 4/26/2005 8:41:38 PM
That's really cute!  It made me laugh...which I have been so busy today, I forgot to laugh.  Thanks Harley!

Topic: IM BACK
Subject: IM BACK - Posted: 4/26/2005 8:44:22 PM
chick1110 wrote:
Stay on your mom shinaru diabetics are the worst to not
stay on meds or follow their diets.



I agree with Chick.  Diabetes, if kept under control, doesn't neccessarily have to be fatal.  It is a lot of maintenance and remembering blood sugar checks and eating the proper diet.

I'm so glad your mom is doing okay now.  I'm sure that was quite a scare!


Topic: New Emoticons from Aussiegem uploaded
Subject: New Emoticons from Aussiegem uploaded - Posted: 4/26/2005 8:45:21 PM
That was a hilarious post!  I"m glad you uploaded them!

Topic: Why Women Cheat
Subject: Why Women Cheat - Posted: 4/26/2005 8:47:19 PM
shattered4good wrote:

Infidelity

Is it OK to cheat? Surveys show a rise in infidelity -- and the taboos against it seem to be fading away. CNN Presents examines the front lines of societyís shifting sexual mores.

AIRING: Sunday, May 1, 2005 at 8 p.m., 11 p.m. on CNN



I hate to sound irresponsible, but can you post a reminder on May 1?  I'd really like to watch that and I can't find my planner to write it down.  I'm so scatterbrained today that I even lost my planner LOL.

Topic: Napolean Dynamite - the movie
Subject: Napolean Dynamite - the movie - Posted: 4/26/2005 8:51:05 PM

I thought that was one of the dumbest movies I have ever seen, but yet I kept watching it and I kept laughing at it.  It was so pointless that it was hilarious.  I loved when Napoleons brother held on to the rope and was pulled down the street by Napoleon on his rollerblades.

And then the dancing at the end....lol.


Topic: Forgive
Subject: Forgive - Posted: 4/26/2005 9:00:21 PM
shattered4good wrote:
this is beautiful but I have to agree with Dr. Susan Forward: "Forgiveness is often overrated.  There are some things that are unforgiveable"


I read one of her books, "Obsessive Love:  When It Hurts too Much to Let Go."  She's a great writer and psychologist.  Off topic...sorry...carry on.

Topic: A Thought on Forgiveness or Revenge
Subject: A Thought on Forgiveness or Revenge - Posted: 4/26/2005 9:14:10 PM
krismiss wrote:

I read this line in Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott. The quote is on forgiveness, but I immediately thought of our discussions about revenge. I think it is applicable to both, even though forgiveness and revenge sit on polar opposite sides of the same issue.  

"In fact, not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die."

So true.....so true....



I am starting that book tomorrow.  There are so many books I want to read that I keep a list and cross them off one by one while adding more haha. 

I started to order from amazon and then cancelled the order and picked up a copy at the library...duh!  ahaha.

I'll let you know when I'm done.  I am sure I will enjoy it!  Can't wait to start reading!


Topic: Why Women Cheat
Subject: Why Women Cheat - Posted: 4/26/2005 9:29:22 PM
bunnyluvin wrote:


Makes me want to buy a good  and never have sex.  :) Okay, now I really have to log off. Night guys.


I knew that was coming!

Another vote for


Topic: Shattered and my other MoFos
Subject: Shattered and my other MoFos - Posted: 4/27/2005 11:02:41 AM

I have been posting about a Rep. in my state who made some comments regarding victims of domestic violence.  The story is under "S.C. Lawmaker" Thread.

Today, the SC Coalition Against DV and Sexual Assault held a really at the State House in support of the new bill that Rep. Altman (who made the comments) is now co-sponsoring (political move). 

I attended and it was a moving and life altering experience for me.  I live only about 3-4 miles from the State House and it was all over the news.  I stood in a crowd of over 100 women who were no longer silent and who were speaking out to our state's leaders for protection of women.  It was such an honor to be among this crowd of courageous survivors.  All afternoon, I listened to countless women in the crowd tell what they went through and how the state's laws had failed them and how they finally got away. 

The Attorney General spoke and moved the crowed to half tears, half applause.  Kara Gormely, the reporter, was there as well and the Attorney General recognized her and said, "She sure is looking bright today,"  in reference to Rep. Altman saying she wasn't too bright in an interview.

Speaker after speaker thanked Rep. Altman for his ignorance and noted that it has directed attention to an issue all too long ignored.

I wish I could put into words the impact this rally had on our state and my life.  I'm about to write in my journal to sort out my emotions and feelings because I just cannot describe them right now.  When I find the words, I will post them!

Thanks Shattered and my fellow mofos for your support in this!  Hopefully, by the end of next week, the bill will be passed the House and on the Senate floor to the Governor's desk.


Topic: Posting Limit? Need input.
Subject: Posting Limit? Need input. - Posted: 4/27/2005 11:13:49 AM

I'm with DC.  I tend to take a few minutes to even write responses sometimes.

You sure are on top of things and I think you are doing a wonderful job at preventing future spammers!

Either one sounds good to me, but I think I'll stick with 5 per 5 as well.


Topic: Alex
Subject: Alex - Posted: 4/27/2005 11:14:55 AM
I missed it.  What happened this time?

Topic: Alex
Subject: Alex - Posted: 4/27/2005 11:16:43 AM

Nevermind.  I think I am catching the last of the posts under Inspiration. 

Good job LMM and Alex!


Topic: IM BACK
Subject: IM BACK - Posted: 4/27/2005 11:20:51 AM
shinaru wrote:
well she was taking her meds and everything but the doctors put her on the wrong diet and her blood sugar was 450. but she is kinda feeling better know though her liver is failing


I understand!  My cousin is a diabetic and is waiting on her second kindey transplant.  The first lasted for 13 years.  I think that she knows more than her doctors sometimes.  They put her on the wrong diet once and she called the nurse out on it and asked the nurse to check and as it turns out, she was right!

My fathers best friend is also a diabetic and had been having problems.  His wife finally took him to the ER and after tests, he found out he had liver cancer and it has metastisized all over his body.

I sympathize with you on taking care of diabetics and learning more about the disease.  I am glad to hear you are able to be with her and I wish the both of you the best and I hope her health improves!


Topic: A pat on my back
Subject: A pat on my back - Posted: 4/27/2005 11:25:55 AM
Good job DC!  It's such a great feeling isn't it?  Keep it up!

Topic: The Yo Yo
Subject: The Yo Yo - Posted: 4/27/2005 11:54:44 AM

I am getting motion sickness listening to what this man does to you. 

If you want to show him you have moved on, then the best bump he can get is knowing that you aren't going to succuumb to his precious wants and needs any longer.  If you end up seeing him, make it casual and then say you have to get going b/c you have other plans.  It's no longer his business where you are or who you are with so let him wonder.

If he isn't sure after 2 years of ups and downs that he wants to be with you, then I hate to say it- you're wasting your time on him.

Keep going on with your life and doing what you are doing and he will be left to deal with his actions and yo yo behavior on his own.


Topic: Guy friends annoy me
Subject: Guy friends annoy me - Posted: 4/27/2005 12:10:41 PM

I get so outraged at one of my guy friends!!! 

He is 24 and I am 23.  He is on this desperate search for a wife- not a friend, girlfriend, but a wife.  Fine-good for him.

What aggravates me is that he is so critical of the fact that I am content being single.  I don't ever want to feel that I NEED a man in my life to complete me or make me happy.  I don't spend hours every day fantasizing about a husband, 10,000 babies and a picket fence.  I am living my life doing the best that I can with what I have been given.  There are things I want to accomplish before settling down anyway.  I have my own hopes and dreams.

He asked how I can be content and not care.  Then he went on to say that all I have to think about is Nursing and I should want other things. WHAT?  He does not know me at all.  I told him that I have passions and I began to talk about the laws and policies that need to be changed, social injustices, inhumanity, places I want to travel, etc. 

My point to him was that it would be nice to have someone to share my life with, but if I never find that, then I will not feel any less valuable as a person and I will get just as much out of life as a single woman as I would a married woman.  It may turn out differently being single than married, but that's okay too.

He said that he has an emtpy place inside of him, yada yada and I told him to fill it up with something other than a person.    We just completely disagree on this.

Ok...better now.  I had to vent all of that frustration.  Do y'all feel that I am wrong in my thoughts and feelings on this issue?  What do y'all think about it?  Am I being too closed minded?  Am I being a feminist or is it good to feel the way I do?

 


Topic: Guy friends annoy me
Subject: Guy friends annoy me - Posted: 4/27/2005 12:39:19 PM

You have a great point.  Perspectives and the way people are raised.  My parents hold somewhat traditional roles, but not as much as other parents.  My dad always always always taught me to think for myself and if I believe in something to stand up for it and that regardless of age, sex, etc. that I can do whatever I want to do with hardwork, ambition and determination.  I have been raised to be more independent than some of my friends were.

I was just wondering if my thinking was way off base.  I am younger and have much left to learn!  Sometimes, I guess I need reassurance on my thoughts and that I am doing the right thing.

Ahhhh, Moab.  I'm jealous.

 


Topic: Guy friends annoy me
Subject: Guy friends annoy me - Posted: 4/27/2005 12:52:26 PM

What is the age thing?  Oh, speaking of age, he told me that I was going to be too old to have children if I waited too much longer.  Yea, okay, whatever.

And since her name was brought up, lol...did you see Oprah yesterday when she had the internvetions for those women?  It was so moving and eye opening.


Topic: How Male & Female Brains Differ - GOOD READ!
Subject: How Male & Female Brains Differ - GOOD READ! - Posted: 4/27/2005 5:45:58 PM

Hmph..definately something to look into further.  That was an interesting article LMM.  Thanks for posting it.  I'm going to have to break out the physiology book and read about the nervous system again. 

Great article!


Topic: How Long Do You Wait Before Sex?
Subject: How Long Do You Wait Before Sex? - Posted: 4/27/2005 5:58:55 PM

I am so upset that I missed Oprah today!  I'm going to try and download it from her website or order a tape.  I wanted to see that one so badly.  I set my VCR to record and forgot to rewind the tape!  D'oh!!!!

Is this the third time he has been on the show?  I saw the first and second.  What other advice did he have to offer?

That's a really good point about men will have sex and establish an emotional connection later and so forth. 

Any other good points?


Topic: How Long Do You Wait Before Sex?
Subject: How Long Do You Wait Before Sex? - Posted: 4/28/2005 5:07:35 AM

I recommend that book to anyone and everyone.  I thought about picking up a few extra copies next time I am at Barnes and Noble just to have to give to friends.  When I first read it, I kept thinking, Oh my gosh, that's me.  This is so obvious!  Something about putting the obvious into words really makes a difference.

I highilghted key points and keep it close by on my bookshelf and use it as a reference for myself and friends who may come to me for advice.  It's such a great book and a pretty fast read for anyone who is considering reading it.  You will have epiphany after epiphany.

I appreciate Greg's honesty and his ability to tell the truth without offending anyone, yet not sugarcoating anything.  Since reading the book, I have started to observe my male and female friends.  I watch my male friends interacting and I listen to them talk about the girls they date.  I also watch my female friends and see them get blown off and continue to make exuses.  I have learned, from this book, no exuses.  I don't try to explain behavior.  I take it for what it is and move on or let it play out, if he is really into me.

Anyway- point of the long rant was that it's a great book and if you haven't already read it, pick up a copy TODAY!

Also- has anyone read Be Honest:  You're Just Not Into Him Either?  A have thumbed through it and a frined of mine has read it.  It's on my list of books to read.  She said it was about how we often settle for men we aren't really into and it goes into reasons and different scenarios and men that we find ourselves dating that we don't really want to be dating in the first place.


Topic: How Long Do You Wait Before Sex?
Subject: How Long Do You Wait Before Sex? - Posted: 4/28/2005 5:13:11 AM
Alexander wrote:
Krismiss, I may have asked this before, but is this book mission-specific to women? Iíd think I could learn a thing or two by reading it...


I'm not Krissmiss, but I'm responding anyway...Bwwwhahahaha!!!! 

I think it can apply to you as well to a certain extent.  Men and women think differently, so take that into account.  The concept, I think, can apply to both genders. 

I have told several of my boy friends..."She's just not that into you!" and as soon as they see what everyone else sees, they move on and what do ya know?  They never hear from the girl again.

I agree with Darla.  Try to do a search or call a bookstore and ask if they have anything similar for men.  I have heard Wild at Heart was a good one for guys, but I'm not very familiar with it so I don't want to fully recommend it, but I did want to mention it.

I say pick up a copy of Greg's book and read it.  There is something to be gained regardless!


Topic: toons
Subject: toons - Posted: 4/28/2005 5:15:25 AM

Those are funny!  You have found a lot of really creative and fun stuff, thanks for posting!  It sure gives me a laugh! :)


Topic: Read any good books lately?
Subject: Read any good books lately? - Posted: 4/28/2005 5:34:49 AM

I just wanted to bump this thread back up.  I think it's a great topic and I enjoy hearing what others are reading and getting recommendations :)

I started Traveling Mercies last night and I am impressed so far by this woman's story and her way of putting it into words.  I can't put the book down. 

I may have said it already, but Greatest Generation is a great read as well.  If the historical part is boring and you still want to read, then I would recommend reading a chapter a day.  They are very short and each chapter tells a different person's experience of the Depression, WWII, the post war era, and what they are doing now and how their lives have shaped American history.  This book is a treaure of a generation that is slowly dying.

 


Topic: Guy friends annoy me
Subject: Guy friends annoy me - Posted: 4/28/2005 8:31:30 AM
Damagecontrol wrote:

Today 14 months later I am now realizing that I am still not happy with myself... so how in the hell could I be happy with someone else? How can I love someone completely if I do not love myself??

I totally admire the fact that you know what you want. I plan on never getting into marriage again, but maybe I will one day be happy enough with myself to be completely happy with someone else.

Honestly, I donít think that most men even realize what they are entering into with marriage. I refuse to be anyones personal slave again.

Ok, that was my 2 cents. Take it or leave it.

DC



What an ordeal DC!  You seem to have come such a long way and I hope you are proud of the progress you have made thus far.

Are you working on loving yourself and making improvements?  If so, what are you doing? 


Topic: Divorce Update
Subject: Divorce Update - Posted: 4/28/2005 8:37:51 AM

I guess he thought he could hold up the proceedings by not showing up and ranting and raving, but the legal system has pulled through!  I wasn't aware that both parties didn't have to sign.  Interesting...and to your advantage. 

I'm with Alexander-  it may be wise to go ahead and pay a fee to have your locks changed and get a new key. 

Of course you already know all of this, but be aware of your surroundings and don't go out alone at night.  He could get desperate and try anything.  Some men don't resort to the worst of behaviors until they realize that the women is gone for good and is not coming back.  Safety first!

Congrats, good luck and keep us posted!

 


Topic: kids
Subject: kids - Posted: 4/28/2005 1:30:42 PM
Those are so cute!  It reminds me of Kids say the Darndest (sp?) Things that used to come on tv.

Topic: American idol and domestic abuse
Subject: American idol and domestic abuse - Posted: 4/28/2005 1:39:35 PM

Hmph...thatís interesting.  I used to be a big fan of the show, but I havenít been watching this season.

Looks like double standarizing.  If one woman can be kicked off for posing nude in her past, then what is stopping them from someone with a DV arrest record?  We all have pasts and some may have skeletons in the closet.  It just doesnít make sense that one is punished for past behavior while the other is not.

The difference may be in how the producers and judges found out.  Question:  Did the woman lie or hide the information wheras this man came clean so to speak?  I am in no way exusing his behavior, but just bringing up a point from the showís persepctive.

It seems as though the show tries to hold up ideals and standards that the American Idol should be a "role model" and DV doesn't fall into that category. Not looking good....

Glad to have you back!  How are things on the homefront and with your ex?  I hope you are doing well :)

 


Topic: The Apprentice
Subject: The Apprentice - Posted: 4/28/2005 1:45:03 PM

Owch!

I usually don't watch, but I'm definately going to watch tonight.  That one hits so close to home!

Have you seen him since college?  I am sure you are not the only one!  Many women will probably be stunned when they turn their tv's on tonight.

I saw where Omorosa was going to be on Dr.Phil next week I believe---that ought to be interesting!


Topic: How do I end it?
Subject: How do I end it? - Posted: 4/28/2005 1:54:55 PM
gettingrevenge wrote:
I have 17 pages of emails do you think i should show them to him or do you think i will go to jail? I just want him to know that I am not stupid and i really do know what he is doing behind my back!


I am sorry to hear of your miscarriage.  My cousin went through one not too long ago and it was a very painful experience.  I hope you are recovering well.

I agree with what everyone else has said.  Leave him.  He doesn't respect you.  He knows just what to say and exactly what to do to keep you around.  It has worked so far for him because you are still there, so why should he stop now?

It's up to you to leave.  No one can make you and nothing any of us say will convince you- you have to want to leave and then go for it.  I think deep down you know what to do, so gather up that inner stregnth and do it.

If you want him to know you are not stupid (and in fact, you aren't) and that you do know what he's doing behind your back, then leave.  You don't owe him an explanation.  In fact, the more explaining you do, the more rationalizing he will do.  If you truely leave and don't come back, he will know that you are smart and courageous.

Good luck and keep us posted!


Topic: The Apprentice
Subject: The Apprentice - Posted: 4/28/2005 4:45:15 PM
krismiss wrote:

Strangely, that incident has affected me for a long time. I guess maybe it was my first experience where someone wanted to use me for sex. Before this incident, the only guys who had tried to sleep with me were guys I had dated semi-seriously. I also cannot believe how naive and stupid I was. At the time, I convinced myself the phone conversation was a family emergency. DUH!!!!!!!!  

  



We all have to learn somehow and at some point.  I can remember my first encounter like that and I felt the same way you did.  I look back and think I had a temporary loss of sanity to actually believe the things he told me.  Yet, I still believed him and ended up becoming quite promiscuous for a while.  You have matured, learned, and grown since then :)

I watched the show- well the first part.  Was he the guy with all of the hearts on his collared shirt?


Topic: How Long Do You Wait Before Sex?
Subject: How Long Do You Wait Before Sex? - Posted: 4/28/2005 4:52:37 PM
chick1110 wrote:

Iíve never read this book is it his own opinions or a compilation
of male opinions?



Oh Chick!  I think you will love it! 

If I remember correctly, he was a writer for "Sex and the City" and one day, the crew was working on a new episode.  A women was in there talking about a date she had.  All of the other women were making exuses about why this man behaved the way he did.  Greg piped in and said, "He's just not that into you," and everyone was shocked at his blunt honesty.  This led to a discussion and there is an episode based on it.  I believe Miranda was the one having a man analyzed by the other women. 

So, he has basically taken what most men think but are afraid to tell you and written it for us to read.  He shows how complicated we make such simple things. 

It's a really great read and I'm sure you will enjoy it!


Topic: Anyone watching special report on social security?
Subject: