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Hey ladies.  I was listening to Launchcast on Yahoo and heard this song so I found the lyrics and I'm posting them below.  We all come from various backgrounds and situations and I'm sure some of you can relate to this song.  It makes sense for me being at the point I am where I just want to be happy and enjoy life instead of counting on a man to make me happy and coming out of the situation I had been in where it was a continuous cycle.  Enjoy!  By the way, it's called "Last Thing" by Diana Anaid

I'll stay away
Don't have to face this
It's my mistake
And no one's business

I am trying not to want to hurt him
Trying not to start this up again

He's in my way
And no surprises
It's been a day
Somehow survived it

Still I am trying not to want to hurt him
Trying not to start this up again

[Chorus]
It's the last thing that I need right now
Someone to bring me down
And I've got a rule that I've made up now he moved out
No way, no boys allowed
And there's a reason why I keep my distance
Don't think you're gonna understand
This is the last thing that I need right now

No need to stay
My choice, I made it
I keep away
Don't have to take it

'Cause I'm trying not to want to hurt him
Trying not to start this up again

[Chorus]

Don't need a boyfriend
Not one like him
Don't wanna be the foolish girl I was
And end up worse again
You can say it's from me
I'll be keeping away
Don't wanna be the same foolish girl again

I'll stay away
Don't have to face this
It's my mistake
And no one's business

I am trying not to want to hurt him
Trying not to start this up again

To me, it doesn't seem like there is any harm in asking.  Obviously it is on your mind and it is bothering you.  If you are anything like me, you won't stop until your mind is at ease.  I think you should confront him in a non-accusing manner and find out...then go from there.  I hope it's nothing for your sake.

Ok, so you're going to think I'm a dork for this one, but I love that movie from like the mid 90's...."Son in Law" and my favorite part is when Pauly Shore runs out of his room with leopard pj's and a pilgram hat on jumping around sayin..."Steven Tyler pj's...Steven Tyler pj's..."

And then in "Shall We Dance?"...loved that movie too...when Richard Gere is coming up the escalator towards the end....mmm yummie!

If I think of more, I'll post them...right now my brain is clouded b/c I have a lot to do today!

Ragequeen...You seem like an honest, caring and genuine person.  You do not deserve this kind of treatment.  No one does.  My vote is to also move on from this man.  What I think it all boils down to and when the day is done, you are the one who has to sleep at night.  Being upset and worrying over this man seems to be causing you more grief than what it's worth.  I think it's okay to be giving, but like a previous post said, it has to be 50/50 and you're not getting your 50.  Eventually you are going to wear yourself down emotionally and find yourself in a bad place where you don't want to be.  The sooner you move on, the easier it will be.  If this man wants his space, give him his space.  When he's ready to talk, he'll come to you.  In the meantime, focus on yourself and what your wants and needs are since they have been being neglected.  Go out with some girl friends, get a manicure, pedicure, or just take a walk.  I once heard a saying...."I'm only as strong as the cocktails I drink and the girl friends I have..." and I have learned to live by that statement and I can tell you, I'm getting stronger every day!  Learn to love you and if this man is smart, he'll realize what he's got before you're completely gone.  If not, then there will be another man waiting around the corner who understands your needs and wants to please you and make you happy.  Do something besides sit and wait by the phone.  If he wants to talk, he'll call you and it seems like he's been avoiding this whole conversation.  What's he so afraid of???  He's afraid of you because you are taking a stand and merely asking for what you want and deserve.  Don't be ashamed.  I have read many stories on this board and have my own experience.  We women are a lot more savvy and strong than some men give us credit for.  You know we're all for you.  Good luck and keep me posted on what happens.  There's a whole other world out there just waiting for you to come discover it...

Ok..So I'm friends with an ex boyfriend and we hang out from time to time.  He got me goin to this particular bar while we were together and we went there about two weeks ago.  Well, that night, they had started trivia night and so we planned to go again but they didn't have it the following week.  In the meantime, I invited a friend of mine to come along and he was cool with it b/c he knows her too.  It's a really cool bar and I have been a few times without him and have gotten to know the bartenders and some of the people through him and they always said to come in again with or without him so I have like three times without him on nights I knew he was doing something else.  Well, I asked him if he was going tonight and he said no and then I asked if it was b/c of me and he said yea and to stop tryin to take over his hangout.  OMG, I could not believe my ears!!!  I told him I didn't realize he felt that way and that he was making a big deal out of nothing.  I thought it was stupid when I thought we already had planned to go to the next trivia night.  I guess he feels that I am invading HIS space but I didn't mean for it to come across that way by any means.  So I told him I wasn't going to go anymore and I cancelled the plans for tonight with my friend who was coming along.  What do y'all think?  Is that stupid and childish of him or am I in the wrong for going a few times without him after getting to know some of the people?  I can see where he would think I'm invading his space, but I am not trying to.  I just like the atmosphere and people.   This whole thing is just really stupid in my opinion and that's why I cancelled plans.  It's not even worth it.

OMG...and here I was all this time thinking that I met the wierd ones and thinking I wore some sort of fragrance that drew idiots to me...but I think I must be meeting normal ones compared to this and that's kinda scary!!! 

Can you explain more about how he feels?  You say you adore him.  What about his feelings toward you?  Your answer to that will help me to give you my opinion on this situation:)

LMP, I agree that Barry should have been up front and honest when getting into a new relationship.  The choices he makes about the things he does or the way he wants to live are exactly that...his choices.  I know a few transgender men and have no problem going to shows or just hangin out and having a drink with them.  If they are willing to be my friend, I'm willing to be theirs.  Please do not feel that I was judging you or Barry in any way as far as a personal attack goes.  In fact, I had no idea that you were transgender.  No clue whatsoever and I still think no differently of you.  As far as what I posted about the men in our lives getting wierder, I was referring to the surprises and unexpected and did not mean to offend you in any way and I apologize. 

to the site!  Good for you for getting back out there and dating again.  I am sorry to hear that you went through a marriage of emotional abuse but I'm glad to hear that you are back on the field.  While reading your post and then Agnostic's response about a pattern in the men, I thought of something that someone once advised me after a series of one dud after another.  This person asked me to look at what these men had in common and try to see a pattern.  Well, after much thought and looking into things, I realized that I somehow chose men who had emotional problems.  Why?  Well, because I used to be somewhat codependent and I would feed off of these men's emotional problems thinking I can help them solve their problems or I can be there for them.  Well, that's not the way it worked.  I ended up blaming myself for everything and was eventually brought down and the only way I could look was up and that's when I realized all of this.  Since realizing it and doing something about it, I couldn't be happier.  I have changed my ways of meeting men and dating.  My point is, think about the men you have been seeing.  What do they have in common?  Where have you been meeting them and so forth?  You may also see a pattern that can be fixed. 

Another thing is yourself.  After all those years of emotional abuse, how do you feel about yourself?  Did he beat you down so low that your self esteem is non existant or did he make you feel that no one would ever love you?  How do YOU feel about YOU?  If you aren't happy with yourself, you cannot be happy with anyone else.  Maybe dating isn't what you need right now if you aren't really truly happy. 

Don't give up hope and these are only thoughts and suggestions that worked for me.  I hope that you figure things out for yourself  and can move on.  Feel free to post and vent at anytime.  We're all hear for you and we care :)

Oh!  I almost forgot!  People have what I have heard called a 6th sense about situations and people.  Trust your gut.  If you have a bad feeling about someone, you're probably right.  If you are ever in doubt, then don't.

Also, if a man leaves you just because you won't sleep with him, then he wasn't worth sleeping with to begin with.  Take your time and if someone can't respect that, then You are worth waiting for!

Thanks for your responses.  I read them over and over again.  It's almost like I'm in conflict with myself.  I've been learning a lot about myself lately and I know I do not NEED this person at all and I have things I'd like to do before ever settling down for good.  I'd like to do travel nursing after I graduate and work for about 2 years to gain experience before going all over the country and working with different patient populations and hospital systems.  I wouldn't mind going international for a few months to some of the 3rd world countries either.  I should have graduated this past May but I changed my major twice and took a semester off a few years ago so instead I graduate May '06.  Anyway, the point of my little rant is to say that I have future goals and there are things I want to do and places I want to go.  I know in the long term, I do not want a serious relationship right now because I don't want to be held back.  But then, there's that other part of me that WANTS something that this man can't give me. I was swept off my feet the day I met him and haven't grounded since regardless of how shitty he makes me feel.  It's like I contradict myself.

LMM, I agree about the rock bottom.  I'm getting there.  Each time he talks down to me, I care less and less.  It's almost like I cry less harder (is that a word lol) each time.  I stay busy with school and I'm starting a new job at the hospital in two weeks so I don't have a whole lot of time for a social life.  I have plenty of wonderful girl friends who are single and independent that I look up to.  I think sometimes I spend time with him just so I dont have to sit at home.  Sad as that is.  He just makes me feel so guilty for going out with other men, yet he's the one who broke up with me.  Go figure.  Part of the mind games you were referring to I guess.

KM, that's a great idea.  I am really close with my mom and I tell her a lot of what goes on.  A lot more than most girls my age tell their moms.  She worries about me and says that this world is full of crazy people and that this man is one of them.  He has spent the weekend at my parents house and my parents loved him...until I started telling her what was really happening with the patterns.  So, he's charming for sure.  My parents didn't even see through him.  But I like that idea. 

So while I'm writing this novel of a post, lol, I want to mention something else.  I am an only child and have a very close knit extended family on my mom's side.  Christmas is crazy around our house.  Anyway, my mom grew up sheltered and my dad was out on his own at 18 doing his own thing, making his own mistakes.  My mom has never smoked a cig and I was with her the first time she drank alcohol.  My dad lived his days...to say the least.  So, my dad understands, but it's a problem about me being independent and choosing to stay single.  My mom gets upset saying she wants someone to take care of me when they die and she doens't want me to travel because it will be a lonely life.  They both say they want me to be married and they want grandchildren, but I don't want that right now.  I know they love me and they're saying it because they care, but it's like this stuff has been pushed into my head since I was like 2 years old.  I grew up hearing about marriage and when I get married blah blah blah.  I was brainwashed (not in a neg. way) until I moved to college and stayed and now I live here and don't go home during summertime or breaks except for a few days.  I have learned a lot and met a lot of different people and somehow in that, I developed my own goals and wants and needs that conflict with theirs for me.  How do I handle this without hurting them? 

Also, KM, you say you wish you knew then what you know now.  Any advice to offer me so that I don't feel that way one day?

Sorry about the long post!!!!  It's just so easy to vent and get carried away on here

Wow...I had the most random night of my life Saturday night and it all ended with "Do not contact me" to him. 

To make a long story short, I started out with him and his best friend out drinking.  Then, we went to another bar so we could meet up with my friends.  On the way, we had a fight and he yelled at me and I asked him not to treat me that way and he told me he was taking me back to my car and that sometimes I needed to be yelled at and that there was nothing else to say.  I asked if it ever occurred to him I had something to say and he said no because everytime I acted like I had something to say, it was nothing so he was tired of it.  Well, I get in my car and go back to the bar to meet my friends.  Let the night carry on...without him.

Well, his friend had gone to meet us at that bar where my friends were so he and I walked in at the same time and I offered for him to sit with us and he said.."I'm here to meet my friend, you go with yours."  so i walked off and had a good time with my friends, met some new people, and so on...forgot about him.

Then, he calls and wanted me to come out to where he was and I told him no that I was with my friends and all my freinds were encouraging me and reminding me of how he had treated me like shit 4 hours earlier.  So he ended up comign to where I was....stupid me left with him...

We talked and I thought things were fine...although I could somehow with a 6th sense feel that the rock bottom LMM referred to was coming.  There was another couple there with us.  Some things happened and he went against what I had asked and pretty much without saying a word gave me a slap in the face (not literally) and a fuck you, I dont care what you think and fucked someone else.  I had always told him that was where I draw the line. 

After we were alone, I said..."we're done" and he kept saying he knew he crossed the line and he was sorry and kept on and on apologizing and admitting he was wrong and so on blah blah blah.  And I said.."That's fine, but we are done.  I draw the line and I'm sticking to it."  I went to sleep and the next morning, he drove me back to my car and I asked him not to contact me again and he got mad and told me to go on about my way.  I talked to him later that day and he said he'd call me if and when he was ready to talk...Whatever.  Power hungry maniac.

So, one of my friends saw him and his best friend out last night and he felt uncomfortable as soon as she walked in and he ended up leaving and his best friend told my friend.."please encourage her not to see him anymore.  he does not know how to treat women and she's a sweet girl and can do much better than him." and my friend told him no worries that she was doing just that.  That's pretty bad if his own best friend says that.

Well, yesterday was a hard day and I slept most of it.  But today, I woke up and I feel totally different.  He disrespected me and my wishes in the worst way and I allowed it to happen.  It's like literally overnight, I understand rock bottom and I hit it.  I dont' have any feelings for him anymore.  I feel a cold indifference towards him.  I have no desire to talk to him.  It's the wierdest feeling in the world. 

In the meantime, I learned a lot about myself from him and people in general.  I gained a lot while at the same time I lost a lot.  I'm choosing not to date for now just so that I can regain my self respect and enjoy time with my friends who this weekend proved themselves to be loyal and the best friends that any girl could ever ask for.  I once heard the quote..."I'm only as strong as the cocktails I drink and the girl friends that I have..." and that's how I'm choosing to be for now.  

Before, I always hoped he'd call to apologize or call to hang out again and that we'd get past it.  Not this time.  I do not want to hear from him.  I can't even be friends with someone who walks on me like that.

Buh bye to him

Wow...good for you!!!  I am in your situation also.  Just this past weekend, I asked him not to contact me again.  It's really hard but we can do it.  Good luck to you!!!  I have also chosen not to date for a while until I gain my self respect back that I lost with him.  I wish you the best in your situation also.  I know that you can do it.  There are so many strong women and men on this site who can encourage you and you can really learn a lot from them.  Someone is always on 24 hours a day.  Anytime you need to vent or seek advice, someone will respond day or night. 

to everyone on this site!  You all have been wonderful.  Before I even began posting about my own situation or responding to others, I would read the threads and I learned so much from all the women and men on here.  That's when I decided to join.  It has really been such an encouragement to see so many people come out of situations like mine and many situations much worse than anything I could imagine ever going through.  You all are so strong and I really admire each one of you.  This message board has been a way for me to vent and seek encouragement.  It's hard for me to talk about things with people I am close to, but I am able to on this site.  You all rock! 

Wow.  This is definately a difficult situation.  However, I feel that if he has something to prove to you, let him prove it.  Tell him that you will not call him.  Make him work for it.  If he wants to talk to you, he needs to call you.  If he wants to see you, he needs to put forth that effort but in the meantime, don't drop what you are doing to spend time with him.  If you are already doing something or have plans, stick with those.  Do not let him back in your life just because he wants back in or because he is lonely or feeling guilty.  He should only be allowed back in your life with hard work and sincerity.  That's how he can prove it.

Don't give up anything for him.  You keep doing your own thing and living your life.  An teacher I had in high school once told me something that has stuck with me 6-7 years later.  He said...Hurt me once, shame on you.  Hurt me twice, shame on me.  I have lived in shame for a few months and I don't want to see you go through the same thing.

You obviously have strong feelings for this man and he knows how to get to you.  Remember that.  Watch him closely.  Is he trying to get to you because he wants to be with you or is he trying to get to you because he knows he can?  Is he trying to prove something to himself that he can have you when he wants you or is he trying to prove something to you because he wants you in every way a man can want and need a woman?

Please and take your time.  If he tries to rush you, walk away.  He's got a lot of work to do.  Keep us posted and I hope things work out for the best...whatever that may be.

I'm glad you are doing what you feel is right.  Please keep us all updated on how things go and I wish you happiness and I hope that everything works out for the best!

Agc, I read and responded to a thread you had started as well.  I completely understand what you are going through and how you feel and I know you feel the same as me.  We can just continue to encourage each other!

After a week goes by, he called me constantly last night when I was out with my friends.  I finally answered at about 4 am because I was getting tired of him calling.  BAD MOVE!  He acted nice at first.  Said that he was calling to "see how I was doing" and I told him I was fine and he said he wans't mad at me and dind't want any hard feelings and I told him I knew that and there were no hard feelings.  Also said he had been thinking and he missed me.  Riiiight.  He was just pissed off and wondering where I was and who I was with.  He gave me the 21 questions game about where I was, who I was with, accused me of dating other guys and f*cking around.  I just dind't respond to him the way I usually do.  I have nothing towards him. I'm cold and numb.  Anyway, he was trying to accuse my friends of things (we have some mutual friends).  He's just trying to isolate me to control me. He kept asking who I was out with and I told him friends and he asked who and kept pushing the issue so I told him and he got mad because I was out with a guy I used to date...which we are ONLY friends now.  In fact, he even has a new girlfriend who was hanging  out with us!!!  No big deal.  The ex has some issues. 

He really ruined my night.  I feel cold and numb but he knows how to get to me.  Then, today I talked to him and he was pretty much actin like an ass saying that there was nothing else to talk about.  He said it was enough for him just knowing that I had gone to what he called my backup.  I explained to him, even though I owe him no explanation, that the guy had a girlfriend and we were only friends.   So, then he changed his tune and wants to talk tomorrow.  I dont' feel like it.

I came a long way within one week of getting rid of him.  I even surprised myself.  If I talk to him tomorrow, it will make me regress back to square one.  I have worked too hard and kept myself busy and surrounded myself with friends to just go back to the same ole habit and bullshit.  As soon as I answered the phone, I could feel myself regressing and I do not want this. Why can't he just leave me alone.  I asked him tonight to let me let him go. 

MEN!  Anyway, I know that I have to keep moving and not look back.  I'm trying to view this weekend as a minor setback.  Damnit.

I don't think this is worth your time or energy.  It could backfire on you.  In my opinion, you will only be hurting yourself in the end.  You may or may not get the reaction you want.  If he's going to fall head over heels for you, he will do it. 

If you are going to breakup, then let it be what it is.  A break up...meaning you are apart. Of course he will realize one day what a great girl you are and he will regret it, but let that be his problem, not yours.

Oh my gosh!!  It's like you took the thoughts right out of my head!!  I also have felt guilty for allowing this to go on.  I lost a lot of respect for myself and allowed myself to be drug down to a low point.  But, I just try to remember that everyone makes mistakes and I have to live and learn and not repeat them.  I can assure you and everyone else that those mistakes WILL NOT be repeated ever again.

I also never took anything of anyone and never wore my heart on my sleeve either.  I am a strong person.  He is my weakness.  I know that he does not care and I know that he knows exactly what strings to pull and just how to get under my skin and so does he.  I have never taken shit off of any other men I have dated and I know I won't in the future.  I wonder myself, what is it about HIM that makes me weak?  But I'm not going to try and figure it out.  The minute I sit and overanalyze is the minute I begin to waste even more time on this man. 

I have learned so much from this relationship and I'm sure you have to.  I am surrounding myself with friends and I hope you do the same.  In fact, I looked around this week when I was out with my friends and realized just how blessed I really am.  I knew that everyone that I was out with cared about me.  I hope you are equally as blessed.

It's hard but we can do it.

If you have mental issues, then we all do because we all grieve and hurt and experience anger and so forth.  It sucks to know that he has somewhat moved on and here you are hurting.  I'm sure you want him to hurt the way you do.  I know the feeling and plenty of us have been there.

Think about the future.  In just a few years or months, this man will only be a memory to you...a learning experience.  You'll never understand what is going through his head and you can try to think of all scenarios and exuses in the world, but it won't change things.

He is who he is, nothing less and nothing more.  Let him go.  If he wants to see other women, just let him.  You know that he is not capable of a real relationship, so let him take someone else down with him meanwhile freeing yourself to other men who may come along. 

Take your time.  There is no time limit on getting over someone.  If it takes you a week, wonderful...but if it takes you a year...then that's fine too.  As long as you are growing and little by little, it will get better.

Try to focus on other things.  Surround yourself with your friends and people who care.  Next time you are with friends, look around and realize that these are the people who love you and care for you more than that man ever could and hold onto those people in your life. 

Do something out of the ordinary.  Challenge yourself.  Read a book that you normally wouldn't.  Go somewhere you've always wondered what it was like.  Meet someone that you may normally turn your nose up to.

It's easier said than done and soooo frustrating.  I know how you feel, but the best thing you can do is see the situation for what it is and just let it go.  I'm in the boat with you so I'm talking to myself also....but I can say that every day is easier and easier and he's further and further out of my mind.

Random....I used to live in Loganville and then Snellville and then moved to SC

I'm a sick wierdo because...

I have things in common with other sick wierdos.

I also like to read about serial killers.  I think it's because I like psych and I'm fascinated by the way people think and why they behave the way they do.  Interesting stuff.

I also rearrange my room when I'm stressed out.  That and clean and I mean like scrubbing floors clean.  I've moved my furniture around three times since August  and had at least 2 cleaning spells a week.

I'm a sick wierdo again because...

I'm also into sportbikes.  It's easy to get into and once you're into it, you're hooked.  Not sure how long or how far into the sport you are, but if you haven't and ever get the chance, go to a race.  Fast bikes, attractive(for the most part) men, and lots of stuff going on.  I have no doubt you'd love it. What kind of bike are you lookin into getting?  It's no mistake.  You are right.  You only live once so live life in the fast lane..literally.

Now, I'm a sick wierdo on my own because...

I'm scared to death of fish.  I won't eat them, touch them, or swim with them.  I'll go in the lake or ocean but as soon as I see a fish, I'm out.  I've been fishing before but I'll throw the line out and when something hooks, I'm done and won't pull it in or touch it haha.

If I'm writing a paper or just to write and I make one mistake, I tear the whole paper up and start over...Yea, and I know they make pen erasers, but it's not the same as a fresh piece of paper haha.

I can be just plain intentionally manipulative when I need to be...which I haven't been in quite some time.

I'm obsessed with politics.  Either party, any candidate, any viewpoint.

I keep my cereal in the fridge and eat it out of a cup instead of bowl, but I still use a spoon.

When I was in elementary school, I thought a bubble existed above my head and everyone could see what I was thinking or daydreaming about haha.

I fantasize about wierd sexual games and things, but don't act on them because they're too wierd...even for me.

I like to sit outside during rainstorms or thunderstorms.

My friends and I have a "Cancelling out" theory you might like.  We have cancelled out in some way all of the men we have had sex with so they no longer count and we declare ourselves virgins by cancellation. LOL.  Here are a few of the theories..

If it was bad sex, it cancels out.

If he breaks up with you, it cancels out.

I regret it, so it cancels out.

He had a girlfriend I didn't know about, cancels out.

He drinks too much so he cancels out.

His friend is hotter so he cancels out.

I married someone else, so he cancels out.

He married someone else, so he cancels out.

I was drunk and he cancels out.

He cussed at me...cancels out.

There are more...just make it whatever you want and it cancels out!

And ultimately....you are renewed the 1st and 15th of each month so all before cancel out.  It works for us.

No one is here to point fingers or judge you.  We are here for support. 

Have you tried to talk to him to find out what is going on?  There could be something more or it could be that he just doesn't want to be with you anymore(hopefully that's not the case).  Try talking to him if you haven't already to find out what is going on.

If he doesn't want to talk or doesn't give you a good enough reason, then hold your head high and walk away.  Don't make exuses or try to figure out too much.  Just take whatever it is for what it is.

I hope you get the answers you are looking for!

Holy shit.  Wow....My jaw was dropping every other sentence while reading your story.  My heart breaks for you.  I cannot imagine going through anything like what you have gone through.  You trusted this man and planned a future and I can tell you really love him. 

I have to say good for you for getting out there and seeking the truth.  You did your research in a non-manipulative way and found out the truth.

If you want to find out more or meet these people, then I say go for it.  But be prepared that you are most likely not going to hear what you want to hear.  If you can handle anything they may reveal, then I think you will have a peace of mind in the end. 

I wish you the best and please keep us all updated.

By the way....when you write your best seller book.....can we all have personally autographed copies??

I don't know how to repair this friendship.  Okay to make a massive story short...

I have been friends with my roommate for 3 years.  We have lived together the year before last and this year.  Anyway, the last guy I dated who fucked up my world to say the least, lives with her boyfriend of 5 years.  I had gotten to be really good friends with him too.  That's how I met my ex...when he moved in with my roommates boyfriend.  Anyway, the first week this guy and I dated, she was cool about it and liked it.

Then, I'm sure she knew things I didn't and so forth.  She started getting mad at me for saying I wasn't going back to him and then going back to him. 

She ended up fessing up about some things she knew a while back and I cut the guy off but then took him back and he basically blamed it on her saying that he told her those things to see if he could trust her and to see how long it would take to get back to me.  He also said that they had made a bet on how long it would take for us to get back together and so on and so on. 

I lost trust in him and her and just about everyone else in my life associated with him. 

Come to find out, she and my ex had some not so clean conversations and he told me about it to "help" me understand why she dind't like me and him together.  I kept that secret to myself.  He said those conversations (on computer only) ended when we met chalkin it all up to jealousy on her part.  Well, he got pissed at her for telling another person and he threatened to tell her boyfriend.  This is fucked up now that I type it out.

Anyway, the more the cycle continued with this guy, the worse our friendship became.  I dont' even talk to her boyfriend anymore.  I was totally oblivious and completely thought she was being a bitch and I just wasn't thinking straight.  Now that the guy is gone, I'm beginnign to think clearly again.  I see things I didn't before and understand a lot more now. 

I have been trying to repair the friendship and offered my apologies that all that had been going on has affected our friendship and i missed us hanging out and her response was that our friendship would never be the way it was and she accepted my apology but it doesn't make up for all that has transpired and she'd talk to me later b/c she had to go.

Is this repairable or should I let it go?  Now that I"m thinking straight, this guy totally fucked up my world.  I have lost two friendships (my roommate and her boyfriend) that I valued greatly. 

What a hard situation you are in.  I have never been in any situation like that so all I can offer is my opinion and an ear to listen. 

I see two sides of this.  First, a part of me says that you should mention this to her because you have survived a cheating husband.  You can remember how that felt so try to put yourself in her shoes.  Would you have wanted a neighbor to tell you?

Then again, there is that stereotype of a nosey neighbor and she may not want to listen.  How close are you two?  Do you ever talk with the husband? 

I think it depends on the relationship with the nieghbor.  Revealing suspicions like that is personal so are you close enough to do that?

My best friend's husband had an affair and you can bet her neighbor told all she knew but they had become acquainted over the time they lived near each other and their children played together, so her neighbor was a valuable resource.

Maybe there's too much air in my head hahaha...

I don't get it???

Dang..that's a good point agnostic. 

How old are the children?

I agree...bringing the woman into his wife's home..OMG. 

I like the letter idea MP mentioned.  That way you are helping but not directly "sticking your nose into it" so to speak. 

Keep us updated.

I've tried it a few times, but I just can't get past that initial owch part.  I was even really extremely drunk one night and still felt it.  I also have a friend who loves it and I just don't see how.  I wish I could try it because I like to try just about anything at least once and if I don't like it, I don't do it again.  I do however, think that the tongue and fingers are good to go anally, but I have yet to get further with anything else.

Wow, that was some personal info haha.

chicks before dicks...

I don’t like to share so I don’t know about a 3some...been there, done that with another woman and man and then two men...again what’s up with me and giving out personal info tonight??? haha

I’d hope my friend would get over his abs and move on because sexual tension is a bitch...

EXACTLY!!!!  it's like...hello over there?!?!

But, the chick in my experience was bisexual so I did get a lot of attention.

It was an annoying experience b/c I liek to focus and be focused on 110%...

you need to try 2 men

It works...I"m like...well yeah you but it'd really be hot if I could...

and before you know it...they're off your case about it

See..now if you can't have sex all day long, at least you can post about it right? haha.

Anyway, I dont think I've ever woke the neighbors and I live with two other girls.

I have beat on the walls, scratched walls...once I knocked down blinds, broke a lamp..Hell, when you're gettin it good, you're just gettin it good right?

I don't fake orgasms that often...so when I get loud, it's loud but I like it that way.  I like to feel free to release it and let it go and live up to the fullest.

I like when the man is loud too and talking dirty...

Woohoo...

Damnit, I'm single

Did you ever figure out if we knew each other?

Last time I was in GA, loganville had grown so much from when I lived there...

I liked it b/c not to far from Braselton and Road Atlanta for some racing!

want to have sex with a woman and then when she does have sex with him, she becomes a "slut"?

I've always wondered about that one

Have fun and drink a few for me!!!  I think I did myself in Friday night.  We went out to celebrate a friend's graduation and I celebrated a little to much and tried to go out tonight but it's 1:20 and I'm already in haha.  I hope everyone else had a good weekend!

That's next on my reading list.  I'm currently reading Hillary's autobiography.  Hers is kinda similar as far as people knowing other people and how she's connected and so forth. But to understand who she is, it's important to know the people she knows and how they influenced her and her involvement with them...if that sentence made any sense.  I've flipped through his book and I look foward to reading it.

I think you should stick it out.  Some of it's going to be boring because it's an autobiography and you are trying to understand and read about the life of another person.  I'm sure it will be worth it in the end.

I agree, I think he was an awesome president!  I hope you start enjoying it better.  After I start reading it, I'll let ya know what I thought too :)

If you are in counseling and he's becoming more abusive, then he's not going to change.  It's not your fault that he entertains the thought of cheating on you.  Never think that.  It's his decision if he chooses to act on it, then he'll have to face the consequences that come. 

Get out of this before the abuse gets even worse than it already is.  I agree that you should proceed with the divorce quietly.  I have a friend in a similar situation and the main reason she cannot proceed is due to fear.  If you keep it quiet, then he will not know until you are long gone.

I wish you the best and please let us know how this goes.

By the way, are there children involved?

Don't blame yourself for him cheating on you.  He chose to cheat and he chose to lie.  There's a moment right before he cheats where he can sit back and decide...should I or should I not cheat and he chose to go for it.  Same with lies. 

I'm glad that you have a plan and I believe you should stick to it 110%.  He seems to be very manipulative and smart.  I say that because he has gotten you back on emotion and has turned this around and now you feel like it is your fault. 

Be careful in the next few weeks and months and guard yourself.  Be aware of what he's doing and ways he could manipulate you or the situation.

I think you are doing the best thing you could do.  Please keep us updated and I wish you the best.  I hope that everything works out and remember he lied not only once, but three times that you know of...no telling what else.  Keep that in mind and know that you are better than that and stronger!

Soooo...I hung out with a guy who stayed on his phone all night and kept walking outside to take calls...

Having learned a lesson on the last asshole...all I gotta say is..

Next please?

Exactly!!  Please stay focused and your eye on the prize...a better life without him!  Usually if someone will lie to other people, you can't believe them when they say they'd never lie to you.  Think of yourself as you're the rule, not the exception.

The best revenge is to ignore him.  It will drive him crazy.  He wants a reaction and to get a rise out of you so just don't give it to him.  I believe that what goes around comes around and karma can be a bitch...but will be on your side.

This even annoys me.  I cannot stand a manipulative person that everyone just adores, but you see the true colors and know the opposite of what everyone else sees and says.

This is way off subject, but you say you're a nurse.  I work Oncology, what type of nursing do you do?

Good luck to you and continue with the updates!

So, she faked a pregnancy, killed a woman, took her baby, and then was going to try and pass the baby off as her own???  Do I understand correctly?

KM, no apologies.  You were clear.  Just wanted to make sure I understood :)

I'm in shock.  I cannot believe someone would do something so sick.  That sounds like something on a soap opera, not something you would hear about in real life. 

umm...where do these people come from that say stuff like that????

that is a good thread idea...

starting one right away!

So what was your worst date or date from hell? or maybe dates from hell haha....

post away!

an agnostic clone....

Not enough cold water in the world!

Hmm..I don't think I've really had a date from Hell...ever since I started this thread, I've been searching through my brain.  I've had dates where I just wasn't into the guy and it didn't go anywhere...

There was the guy I call the Emerging Chest Hair guy b/c he wore a polo shirt unbuttoned all the way with a forest climbing out.  It was a blind date.  We went to a movie and I'm glad that I didn't have to talk to him because he bored me to tears on the way and on the way back.  He walked me upstairs to my apt against my request (I told him I could walk up steps alone,but thanks).  Then he tried to kiss me but got the door instead.  I woudln't let him come in because my very outspoken roommate at the time woudl laugh in his face...Not really a date from Hell, but a boring one.

I met a guy at the state governor's debate a few years ago.  I'm on the liberal side and he was ultra conservative which doens't bother me.  We all have different views.  He took me to dinner and pretty much bashed out the Democratic party all the way from Clinton back to like the 1200's (even though America wasn't here lol).  That annoyed me.

If I think of more random stuff, I"ll post it :)

OOOO!!!  thought of another one!!! 

I think I went on a date with a guy who lived under a shelter his entire life.

Over dinner, he told me how he didn't want to marry a girl who wasn't a virgin.  Then proceeded to bash unmarried mothers and a lot of my friends are not married but have children.  Then told me that a woman's place is in the home and he didn't want his wife to work.  I still haven't figured out why he was talking about a wife when we were on our first and last date...

He also laughed hysterically at his own corny jokes and I mean CORNY. 

A homosexual couple was eating nearby holding hands and talking intimately and he felt the need to point them out.  Annoyed the hell out of me.

Anyway, that was pretty much the jist of the evening with him.  Listening to him judge everyone.

You are awesome!!  You absolutely are admired by every woman on this site!  If only all men were as open and honest as you...

I appreciate all of your input and I'm sure I speak for everyone else too.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts in that post.

One day you will make some woman really lucky!!  I just hope she's good enough for you!

amberbear wrote:

Why is it so hard to let go? I know that he is a liar, possibly a cheat, and continues to berate me. For what ever reason i still love him. I can not let go..............i dont know how to let go.........i am not even sure i want to. I know that sounds stupid. Let me explain. I dont want to let go because i am scared. I have a 5 year old and i know this is going to be hard for me and especially my little girl. once i leave there is no turning back. i know that i should not ev en want to go back but I love him. I am so confused.

In my short 23 years of being alive and having what little experience that I have (I know I have a lot to learn still!), I think it's sometimes hard to let go because you become comfortable with a person.  They become a part of your life and daily routine.  You become used to talking to them everyday and seeing them, having their input and enjoying their company.  Then when things turn bad and they show their true colors, you wish you had been colorblind.  Yet still, it's hard to just tell yourself that the pros and cons are all the same person and it's much easier to accept the cons than let go.

I'm sure you are a very strong woman for having been through what you have gone through.  I am a firm believer that nothing is thrown our way that we cannot handle.  It may push you to the edge and have you hanging by a twig, but will not let you fall. 

Take your time and sort things out.  You know there is no turning back and sometimes that can be the best thing.  Take that rearview mirror off so you can't see what's behind you...only what's in front of you and your daughter.

Think about how you will feel a year from now if you walk away and dont' look back.  My guess is you will be happier and more carefree and ready to enjoy your own life and your daughter.

I hope that you feel better soon!

I once heard a quote...I'm thinking maybe Joan Rivers???

Anyway, whoever it was said...

If a woman makes 20 or 30 mistakes, she's a tramp or something to that nature...

I guess I shoulda looked it up first haha...but you get the point..I liked the 20-30 mistakes part haha

Wow...that's really good...and very true.

I like the part at the beginning about people who can change do it on their own. 

I recently looked at all the men I have dated and saw a pattern for the first time in my life.  They all have some sort of fucked up emotional issue and I try to be there for them and all that crazy mess.

I quit doing that and since I have, I'm much happier but that article is absolutely true...people who sincerely want to change take a break and focus on themselves.

The red flags....damn....if I had only seen them when I started dating!!!

is that your son?  he's such a cutie!

we get snow every now and then in sc.  had a few flurries the other night but nohting stuck :(

This whole thread is new since I last logged on and I just read the whole thing and I literally had tears in my eyes when I finished.  It just absolutely breaks my heart to read your story.  Words cannot even begin to describe it.

First of all, I haven't been completely in your shoes as far as the swinging goes, but I do share a similar experience.  The last guy I dated had married friends who were swingers.  I knew they were and if that's the lifestyle they chose, that's fine.  Well, as time progressed, they wanted to drag us into it.  I wasn't really interested in that sort of thing.  Here comes the fucked up story.

Well, one night after a lot of drinking, we were sitting around  at the guy's house.  The couple started up with the whole sex thing.  I'm so ashamed but anyway, my guy and I were having sex and he said...Do you want to switch and I specifically said..No way, I do not want that man and I do not want you to be with his wife.  I know I shouldn't have even been remotely close to being in that situation, but I was. 

Anyway, a few minutes later, I turned my head and saw him stick his dick in that man's wife.  I said nothing.  I did nothing.  I will NEVER EVER forget that image that will forever be in my head.  The husband came up to me and I said...No so he pulled back and told his wife no.  Next thing I know, my guy was coming back to me and his touch made me cringe.  It did nothing for me.

At that point, the couple left and I told him we were done.  I had left my car at a bar so I stayed at his house.  He kept apologizing over and over saying he got carried away and I said..I do not care, we are done.

The next day we had a huge fight.  Just last week, he called while I was out with friends and chewed me out over his own guilt.  Then he told me we needed a break..whatever, who cares?!  Monday night, he called and the guilt is eating him alive.  Good.  Shows he's half human.  I mean he's like your husband.  The guilt is almost literally killing him.  He doesn't know what to do with himself...and I'm still done.  I will not go back to him.  He chose to do it and now he faces life without me.

Sorry to bog your post down with my own story.  I just wanted you to know that I can somewhat relate.  I'm sure those pictures are forever engraved in your head just like I will always have that image.  It's hard to forget.

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you.  I think time is your best bet at the moment.  See if his words turn to action.  Mine was a boyfriend, yours is a committed marriage so there's a huge difference.  I'm at a loss of words.  Your post shocked me and broke my heart...partially because you have gone through such a horrible thing and partially because I remember how it felt to see him with another woman right in front of my face.

I also hope things work out for your daughter.  I cannot imagine how she must feel.  You two can lean on each other.  I'm guessing you have a close relationship since she confided in you.  You can be there for her and it can help to heal your pain.  I have found that when I help out a friend, it makes me feel better.  You have people in your life who love you and care for you.  We care about you on this site and we are always here.  Someone is logged on at all times. 

I'm sorry I have no advice to offer.  I'm really speechless.  But just know that I care and will be thinking of you.  I wish you the best and please please come here as often as you like.  This site is a safe haven for so many women including myself.  I come here and vent or respond to others and it's almost like a family here.  None of my friends or family know I come here, so it's a place to be honest about my thoughts and feelings and I hope it becomes the same for you..

Agnostic needs to start a seminar and have men followers.

hahahaha!!!  evil elves. hahaha!!!

i bet your son will be so excited on cmas morning!!!  I love seein kids when they see the gifts under the tree.  my best friends little boy is 2 and he goes absolutely crazy over cmas. 

good luck with the batteries and assembling things and remember we do what we gotta do, man or no man! haha!

drink a few glasses of wine for me:)

Merry Christmas MP!

what is that eroticy.com??

some random guy IMed me tonight on yahoo messenger and said he saw my profile on that and I am like..wtf i'm not on that site...never heard of it and he apologized and said bye...

just wondering

OMG!!!!

That is the funniest thing!!!  I am in the living room with my parents cracking up!!!  I just sang it for them and now that's going to be stuck in my head alllll weekend!!!

That was awesome!!!

yeah..I have seen those on other forums that I go to but I never knew where they came from.

On some of the motorcycle forums, they'll post hot women or their g/fs, wives, or women post pics of themselves and they have all kinds of pics that say ..."I'd hit it" and all this funny stuff and different famous people with conversation bubbles above their heads..

Funny stuff haha.

I'm so happy KrissMiss!!  I'm glad things are going well with the new man.  Hopefully he'll continue to be a "good boy" and not screw things up because if he does, he will suffer a huge loss!!!  You have offered so much kindess, support, and wonderful advice on this board and any man should consider himself the luckiest man in the world to have such a thoughtful, intelligent and caring woman in his life.

I have heard of people putting ads on the internet.  I have some friends on match.com that have met a ton of people.  I've heard of American Singles and then Yahoo personals.  I've never tried that though but thought about it just to meet people.  who knows.

Have a great CMas!

OMG, I just read that story!  Fruitloop is a compliment for him.  Who calls themselves Peter Pan and says they aren't a suit??   He doesn't seem to be the brightest crayon in the box...but to each its own I suppose..

He sounds like he's not too bright anyway to not delete the history after going to a site like that on Internet Explorer. 

It's also pathetic that he feels the need to have to LEARN to manipulate you.  And it's also pretty pathetic that he feels the need to manipulate you period.  Sounds like an insecurity and shortcoming on his part if he thinks you must be manipulated to fall for him. 

Dump him.  If you want to tell him why, then do so...but it'd catch him by surprise if you just dumped him without reason.  All he's going to do is start in with the exuses and bullshit anyway.  Tell him you just really don't feel....and then throw in a trance word that you use like the example said...comfortable.  Say, "I just don't feel comfortable with you..goodbye."

I'm not one to chime in on threads like this, but this is ridiculous.  If you can't handle what people say, whether you agree or not, then don't ask.

You don't know anyone on here and they don't know you which is why people can give honest OPINIONS and advice.  If you dont like KM's opinion, then ignore it instead of lashing out on everyone.

Why'd he do a stupid thing like that?

Does he think you'll be jealous of his hand?

ooooooo I'm glad someone has seen it.  I want to see it so bad but haven't heard too much about it.  Leo does such a great job in all of his movies.  He's really talented. 

Super, I can't wait to see it.

What other movies have y'all seen that are really good?

I saw Lemony Sniketts series of unfortunate events hahaha...it was actually reallly really good too.

Men should not marry so that there will be more happy women in the world...

(and I'm not referring to the rare men on this site! ;) )

Welcome to the site!  It's a great place to be and I became totally addicted in a short amount of time and the people here take you in like family, so please feel free to come anytime for advice or to vent or just chit chat...

I am in shock over your story.  I can only imagine how you must feel.  You loved this man and had no apparent reason to distrust him and he took that trust and manipulated and betrayed you. 

I'm also pissed off that he would use a war that's going on as an exuse to that he can go see that other woman.  People are over there fighting and dying.  Families here are missing their loved ones.  It disgusts me that this man would even lie about something like that.  That just shows you what kind of person he really is.

He has basically faked a relationship with you and manipulated the hell out of you.  There's nothing you really can do in my opinion.  You just have to accept it, face it, and move on.

Of course you want him to love you and it hurts that he obviously has proven otherwise, but you can't make him and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it.  I'd love to see a lot of people in pain, but reality is...you probably won't.  I'm a firm believer in karma and karma can be a bitch sometimes so he will get what's coming to him.  You may not be around to see it, but it will come.

Getting tested is a smart idea and I have done that several times.  I hope everything turns out okay.

I wish I had more that I could offer you to help.  Don't feel like an idiot for introducing him as your fiance.  That's what he was and you were stating the truth.  He's the one who is an idiot for manipulating you and using Iraq as an exuse which still makes me gag by the way. 

Better to find out now than later even though it hurts and it will hurt, but just know that we are here for you anytime.

Girls like that give us all a bad name.

In fact, the other night some friends and I were sittin around chatting in a bar and one of our guy friends was sitting down between us and got up to use the restroom.  While he was gone, a friend of a friend had came along and she mentioned he was attractive and I just said...yeah he is.

Well, she turned to another girl and said...I'm gonna fuck him tonight.  And she told this new girl that he had a g/f and she said...i don't care.

WTF???  Obviously there are girls out there who do not care enough about themselves to do this.  It's sad actually.

Agreed.

Instant gratification.  Living in the moment and not thinking of future consquences or other people that their actions may hurt.  I'm sure men cheat for the same reason women sometimes do..just looking for something more in another person whereas if they had a good self esteem, they would already be fulfilled and able to maintain a stable and healthy relationship

I checked out that heartless-bitches site b/c I saw you get a lot of your posts from there.  I enjoyed the site!  Lots of good info and fun stuff to read...

Wow...what an inspiration!  I often feel sorry for myself and throw mini pity parties as you could probably see in some of my previous posts.  However, I have never been through what you have and I completely admire you for it.  You are truely an inspiration to me.

I read your post and reflected on the things I think about,worry about and waste my thoughts on and I realized that I am also a stronger person than I give myself credit for.

Thanks for sharing and I really appreciate your stregnth and hope that same thing for myself!

My therapist suggested the thought stopping method with me also.  I have a mild diagnosis of PTSD from some things that happened a long time ago and the thought stopping really did help with the flashbacks, which is pretty much what you were having.

That's a great idea to do a search and try it.  It's really hard at first, but it helps.

I hope that you are able to take control of your thoughts and the things he engraved into your mind and overcome them...

I caught something you said that makes me agree with the other members.  He said that she is the cure, answer, and so on for his unhappiness. Well, she's not medication and if he is suffering from depression, then a woman cannot fix a chemical imbalance unless she is writing out the prescription. 

Sounds to me like he's playing on your trust and emotions.  Just because someone is depressed is no reason to go around cheating and especially with a family member as close as a son's fiance.

Apparently he does have some sort of issues b/c his behavior is not normal, but it's no exuse. 

Over time, people change, for the better and worse and it sounds like he could be makin that change for the worst.

by the way, welcome to the site :)

Good for you and just in time for the new year!!! 

An even bigger idiot than we thought....he denied even going to the dayum site...sounds like he's the naive one...jeez.

And you're right....POOR girl who dates him next.  I already feel sorry for her.

Have a happy new year!

you startin on a 250?

you'll move up pretty fast..ever test drove a cbr?  they're pretty good beginner bikes too....

i like the dirtbikin and atv stuff b/c i like goin offroad.

I like to be on a streetbike only if i'm goin fast and around twistys

woohoooooo

I just cannot stay away from this thread.  I read your story over and over and I just read it again.

I love this part about not letting the bad things that happen to you make who you are and not allowing them to mold you into someone you do not want to be. 

MP-thanks for the nice post!!  I went to a party, got too drunk and obnoxious but hangover free because I stuck to beer and shots instead of mixing beer and liquor haha.  That always gets me in trouble....Anyway, I had a great night and a wonderful 1st day of the new year!  Now life can get back to normal after all these holidays...

Harley-I'm so sorry your husband acted like such a jerk.  Are you two going through a divorce?

I hope everyone else has a happy happy new year!

I hate that you are having such a hard time.  It just doesn't seem fair that such a caring person has to go through all of this.  I really hope things start to look up for you in this upcoming year. 

I don't mean this offensive or to personal, but do you really have OCD?  The reason I asked is because I am on medication and mine is controlled.  It used to be really really bad but not so much anymore...Just wondering...

I think the hardest thing is the obsession and not so much the compulsions.  I also go back to the obsessive thoughts many times.  I completely understand how you feel.  It can become a roadblock in recovery and healing from this relationship.  Try your hardest not to let it.  Let it be a stepping stone instead of stumbling block in your path.

There are times I also have a bad day or weekend with the OCD and constantly obsess and go over things time and time again in my head, but the compulsions are mostly controlled.  Every now and then I'll get the urge and start counting things or arranging stuff in my house.  I'll keep checking something 20 times before I realize it's not going to change.

Hang in there, but I def. understand how hard it is to deal with relationships and everyday circumstances when you are OCD.

Same to you and everyone else! :)

I declare this year as the year of the Mofo's...

Good luck MP on your running and diet.  I know that it will help you to feel better and give more confidence :)

I wanted to try something new so I figured this little strip tease workout can give my non coordinated self a few laughs too because I always run or play basketball...this outta be interesting LOL

Thanks man...

now that song is stuck in my head

LOL

hahaha yeah!  i saw carmen when she was on oprah one time and actually showing oprah and some audience members some moves.  it's kinda like pilates as far as learning control and muscle tone and then teaches you a routine.  it looks more fun than anything else...

i'll use it when i find a man lucky enough! bwwwahahaha!

This is kinda off topic from the point of this thread, but kinda related...

This thread made me think of how our ex's still haunt our memories and dreams.  It amazes me at how much power one person can have over thoughts and actions.  To think that the person you once loved and who loved you back is now the most repulsive person in your life is just a strange thought to sit and think about.  Anyway, I don't even know why I thought of that from this thread, but thought I'd throw that out there.

How have y'all gotten rid of the haunting memories/dreams?

OMG...I love that book!!!  I read it b/c I had ordered He's Just Not That Into you off of amazon.com and that book came up as a suggestion so I read it later.  that book is awesome!!!  It just kinda puts things into perspective. 

I have a lot of work to do to be the bitch and not the nice girl!!!!

What'd you think?

Ok..so maybe I was a little too tired when I posted but for some reason I had pictured someone spinning in circles for exercise

I can't believe I've never heard of that.  I have now,but I guess just didn't know it was called spinning. lol.

Agnostic...you mountain bike?  ME TOO!!!!  I just got a new hardrock women's a few months ago.  I love biking and the outdoors!

awww!!!  i love cats!!!  I can't have one in the apt i'm living in right now.  as soon as i move out of here, i want a million kittens!!  they're too cute!!!

no worries about the topic changing to cats...haha.

i'm tryin to get out there and meet other men besides the asshole i've been dealin with for a while and i found at least one but just wondered how to deal with the jealousy until i find more :) bwwwhahaha!

k..sorry to be personal here for a sec...

the first day of my last period was Oct.17.  i haven’t had one since.  for a while around the time my period was supposed to start, i cramped, had the blahs and all that stuff but it never started.  i took a pregnancy test the first week of december and it was negative...but still no period and no signs of one.

if you can stand the waxing...then go for it.

if not, trim first, then shave.  less messy and gets the job done quicker.  i think they make a nair type stuff for the genital area, but i dont know what it's called.  def. use a shaving cream though and lotion after.

Does he even know she goes to this site?  I keep it a secret that I come here because I do vent so much and talk about personal things I deal with that I just don't tell anyone I go here especially the asshole I vent about :)

And I have to agree with Agnostic. The behavior is likely to come back.  There are always patterns and you can find them if you look hard enough and sometimes you barely have to look at all and you see them.  I know this b/c I see patterns in my situation and I'll be out 110% one day...just a matter of time.

I hope your friend gets this fixed :)

Alright, he fed me the lines again and actually mentioned us moving in together and all sorts of bullshit that I’m not even going to waste time or yours in posting.  I had my doubts, but heard him out.

After hearing him out, and then him doing God knows what with God knows who last night and staying out all night again...and reading He’s Just Not That Into You..AGAIN and this time I applied it to myself instead of him.  The first time I read it I applied it to him, but this time I chose to apply it to me and all men that may cross my path and not just him.  Anyway, after all of that and reading his yahoo away message this morning that says...Dreaming of a Georgia Peach...which means that he’s not at work today AGAIN.  If you have Yahoo, then you know that everyone can see your away message and there’s no checking to it.  It’s out there so he has no shame in me seeing it.

Anyway, so after all of that, I’m choosing to walk away.  It’s going to be the hardest thing I have done so far in this relationship.  I have told him before, we’re done! and I have told him that it’s over a million times.  But this time, I"m not telling him anything.  I’m just going to walk away.  Actions will speak louder than words.  If I tell him I’m walking away, he’ll talk me into staying and start with the bullshit.  This man knows women and knows what to say to each one of them to get them to say in his life.  I’m 23 and I am barely beginning to step out and live my life and I don’t need to start it this way.  He knows women and I know him by now.  I know what he’ll try to say to get me to stay and I know about how long it’s going to take for him to contact me again.  Patterns.  It’s all about patterns.  Anyway, thanks for all the encouragement and advice and I think I’m making the right choice.

A friend of mine did this when she left her husband.  After enough bullshit and leaving and coming back, she finally made up her mind, left for work one day, and never came back and hasn’t talked to him since except through divorce lawyers.

So, my choice is to silently walk away instead of making a discussion out of it.

I watched it.  I haven't seen her interviews with Matt but I saw when she was on Oprah. 

For a while, I jsut thought there was something strange about that situation.  It's like she doens't know or has been trained on how to answer questions, but I'm sure she's under a lot of legal stuff so they may train her on how to answer.

I felt bad for her story.  She seemed to have absolutely no idea!!!  What got me was the tapes of her conversations with Scott.  That man is a sociopathic freak!!! 

Oh please. Don't even think twice about it.  You are very supportive of everyone here.  That's why I don't go to the Ihatemen.  There are funny jokes and things like that, but c'mon, that's a little ridiculous.

From me to you: 

I just got all the DVD's in the mail today so the workouts start soon! 

And by the way....I'm doing no such performance until I find a man worthy of it...This may take a while hahaha!!

If it's almost time for your period, than can cause lumps and things like that and will go away once you start.

A lot of clinics offer free breast cancer screenings so you should def. check into that.  Your health is nothing to mess around with so I would def. try to look up a free clinic or your state health dept.

I loved reading your posts Audii.  My grandmother was the same way.  She lost her glasses a few times a day and never could find her keys in her pocketbook, but could tell the most amazing stories from the Great Depression and so forth.

While we're on the topic of elders telling stories and having so much wisdom, that's another reason I have to brag about this site!  I really honestly listen to you all when you give advice or tell stories to me or other women and men.  I'm 23 and really listen to you all who are older than me.  None of you are elders by any means, but you carry more experience than me whether you are 25 or 95.  I listen. 

Anyway, off my little bragging box...I agree that this is the calm before the storm.  I'm not like a deeply religious person, but my family is and they always talk about the end times and things like that.  It really is scary.  I'm also more of take care of our own people before we worry about the rest of the world.  We're the richest country in the world and can't even take care of our old folks and give them medical coverage.  But this natural disaster has me thinking.  We have to take care of each other.

Alright ladies!!!  Order up!!!  Men..order them for your wives, g/fs, whoever.

This is the most fun workout I've ever done in my frickin life!!  I have been workin out alllll morning!!!!  It's soo much fun plus makes ya feel sexy ;)

www.aerobicstriptease.com

This is a tough one and can go several ways.

One thing is you can't really hold what has happened before you against him because it was before you. But at the same time, there are patterns within us all that either make or break relationships. 

The positive side is that he was upfront and honest with you and took that risk of you walking away.  He realizes his mistakes, but is he willing to change them in the future?

The other side wants me to tell you to just stay away.  I'm concerned because he's a little jealous already.  Not a good sign.  Probably due to his own insecurities from his cheating past.  I also want to say don't be too excited about his upfront honesty.  Could be part of a game to make you think he's honest with you and that he's trying to start fresh with you so he can go out and do the same thing to you.

I feel bad for being so negative, but this just seems like it could be a lot more drama than it's actually worth.  All in all, I think only time will tell.

So my advice to you is take the pros and cons of all sides of the situation and let time be your guide.  Keep your guard up and emotions intact and be aware of what is going on.

I guess it goes to show you need a lot more than fame and fortune and all that stuff to have a successful relationship.

I was kinda sad b/c I thought they always looked cute and happy.

However....I always knew Brad would come back LOL..J/K of course :)  wishful thinking....hahaha

we have shirts?

This is awesome.

Merry late christmas to me

Just so you know...you all rock...but of course you already knew that :)

I have been writing like crazy in a notebook I bought.  My latest was I hate you because and every sentence has started with that and then followed by a reason that I hate him.

This journal writing is really helping.  If I start to hurt, feel anger, or have an urge to check up on him or wonder what he's doing, I write.  It's really sorting out my thoughts and putting things into perspective.  After I write, I read and then come back later and read again and realize what I have been allowing myself to go through and it makes it easier to keep losing interest in him and turning away. 

I wish it were as simple as erasing him out of my memory and past (and present at times) with a magic eraser but it's not.  I have really been looking within myself to find that inner stregnth that I know is deep in there somewhere.  His most recent rant was accusing me of not caring about anything but going out and getting fucked up with my friends.  So what?  We go out for drinks but are no where near being drunk and ridiculous every night. 

I've busied myself and started the strip tease workouts haha, which actually give a massive boost of confidence.  I've been going out with friends and actually met a nice guy Friday night...but to my luck, he had to catch a flight back to Chicago the next day, which is where he lives, but we exchanged email addresses. 

Anyway, I'm getting through it one day at a time.  It's slow but daily I can feel myself healing a little bit at a time. 

Before I know it.....he'll be 110%

Lady b/c that's how I want to be treated and 1981 is the year I was born.

I'm on the left in both pics :)

I have been gone from the site for a few days so I'm still playing catch up on everyone, so I just now went through this thread.  First of all, welcome to the site:)

Now..this story blows my mind.  My jaw dropped every few sentences.  I think that the hardest thing is to not have the answers.  I can't stand to have a relationship end without closure to my satisfaction and I know it hurts to be left wondering.  This story is also very suspicious.  Things with your friend just aren't adding up.

However, what I think it all boils down to is that he just didn't want to be with you bad enough.  He freaked out on you because you simply asked questions about  meeting his family, which seems normal to me.  You want to know every part of a person you are in love with.  You want no part of their life left untouched.  It's frustrating to not have answers and to be left in the wind so to speak.  However, he was probably long gone even before he disappeared on you.  The good news is that he is gone.  It may not seem like it now, but think in the long run.  He proved what type of person he really is early on and consider yourself lucky for not having to deal with this asshole any longer. 

Don't waste any more of your time trying to figure this man out.  Obviously he has some deep issues that you can't solve.  Also, don't blame yourself.  It's not your fault he's emotionally and relationship challenged.  He also is a very weak person to not be able to tell you he was leaving and do you really want someone that weak in your life?

I agree with the mantras KM suggested.  I often do them and it really helps you to regain control of your own thoughts and feelings and when you do them enough, they stick with you. 

No need to apologize :) 

He's obviously got something wrong with him to leave a wonderful woman like he did

in your sleep????

Possible?

Ok...

The reason I asked is b/c my best friend and I were having this conversation about how sometimes we wake up feeling relieved like you do after sex....then we began to wonder if you can have o's in your sleep. hahahaha...we have strange conversations...

I agree...

Looking at everyone's pics...I realized that everyone on this site is absolutely beautiful and that I don't think I spelled that right haha.  Anyway, it's so great to put faces with names.  We are the manhatin hot women (and rare men) site! All of us are way too attractive to be puttin up with the men (and women) that we have put up with!!!

I just realized there was a chat room on here.....

This just made my day

Oh my goodness.  I am so sorry that you are going through this.  My heart goes out to you.  You said that she came out, so it's definately true or could she be lying or making things up?  However, you seem certain that he has left you for her.  I'll tell you how you go on.  You go on by loving your son and taking care of him.  Remember that you got the best part of your guy and that's in your son.  Other than that, you have no use for him.  In my opinion, revenge isn't worth it.  It will only make you angrier and upset.  I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around and karma can be a bitch. 

As far as you seeing them in your mind, you can try thought stopping.  I know it has been mentioned in other threads and I do it quite often because I suffer from minor PTSD from some things a few years ago.  My therapist suggested the thought stopping.  When you see the image in your head, stop it and replace it with something else.  It doens't necessarily have to be logical.  For example, if you see them in your head, then stop the thought of them being together and picture her leaving him or knockin him upside the head or her falling on her ass.  Anything to stop those thoughts. 

How can he leave you for her?  Because he's obviously not the brightest crayon in the box.  You seem like a wonderful woman and don't try and compare yourself to this other woman. 

Try and hold your head high.  I'm here if you need to talk, vent, or anything!  I wish you the best.

Harley..Just to be honest, I am at a complete loss of words. I'm fairly new to the site and am still getting to know different members and their stories.  However, I didn't want to not respond at all to your post.  I don't know how it feels to struggle the way you are right now.  You and some of the other members have really put things into perspective for me because I whine and bitch about things that are so minor compared to what you and some of the others have gone through and are going through.  I can only offer words of encouragement to you.  Your jokes and inspirational types of threads are fun to read.  I enjoy them.  You offer advice and reach out to anyone in need and your life is completely worth it.  Remember that when you are at the bottom, the only way to look is up.  I hope tomorrow is a better day.

There is nothing wrong with you so don't blame yourself. 

It has happened to you twice and probably won't be the last.  I hate saying that but I say it about myself too.  Not the first time and not the last.

But don't let it discourage you.  Chin up woman!  My friends and I joke around and say that all the good men are too busy dating each other (except the rare men on this site). 

I don't know how into movies you are but in Sweet Home Alabama, the guy said..."What is it with you southern girls?  You seem to make all the wrong decisions before making the right ones."  Don't have to be southern for that to apply.   A lot of times we have to go through all the wrong ones to find the right ones.

Take your time and don't rush back out there onto the dating scene.  Allow yourself time to heal and refocus on yourself and what you want.

I def. 110% and then some agree that you should pick up a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You."  Another good one is "Date Like a Man". 

I don't feel that you have done anything wrong.  He knows you had an interest and if he were just as interested, he'd make time.  It doesn't take that long to respond to an email.  It's not that hard to grab your cell phone and give someone a call on your way to a meeting or work or whatever has kept you so busy.  Do you really want someone like that in your life?  I didn't think so.  None of us do.  We want someone to care for us and about what we are interested in and want and he obviously doesn't.

Keep right on going...Next man please!!!!

One thing that I thought of that no one else brought up is why she is still calling when she has a new boyfriend and why is he involved or is she just making it up?  The fact that she is involving other people screams guilty stalker or something.  I agree that maybe she wants answers or wants to be heard, but there are other way to go about doing that instead of making harassing phone calls and text messages.  She can handle herself a little better than that.  I don't think it will stop until the law stops it.  Maybe you should give her a serious warning that if she does not stop, you will infact involve the law and you are not joking.  If she persists...then do it.  Don't talk about it, threaten her with it, just do it.  Once she figures out you aren't joking, she may stop.  If she still doesn't stop, let the police take over.  Just my .02.

That is awful to hear about your friend LMM.  I have had two friends that similar things have happened to, only the people around them realized they had been drugged and got them to the hospital safely before anything could happen. 

It's just really disgusting that some men think they have to drug a woman to have sex with her. 

It's stories like these that I keep trying to remind myself of when I go out to run errands or whatever I need to do by myself.  Like KM said...keeping yourself aware of your surroundings and those around you.

Jeez..I went away for a few days and come back and you have a new name and I thought it was someone new on the board.  Then I noticed the avatar and that confused me even more and then the Utah location....not to mention the name of the threadI lack in the common sense department sometimes :) haha!

Don't mistake his physical lust for emotional love or caring. 

He's probably tryin to figure out what to say to get you under his control so that you will sacrifice everything you stand for and compromise your standards to be with him.

Don't allow him into your world in an intimate way like that committment free....Once you let him in without committment, you will never get one.

I’m trying my hardest to move on and to heal from this past relationship, if you can even call it that.  He has taken advantage, ruined my self esteem and pretty much has left me to pick up pieces, yet he still sticks around just to make sure he can knock me back on my face.  I can easily quit contacting him and ignore his calls for a while, but he always finds a way to sneak back in.

Anyway, that along with some other stuff I have never revealed about myself have affected the way I work. 

For starters, I was raped once when I was 17 by one guy and once when I was 18 by two guys.  When I was 17, I was "dating" or whatever you call it a guy and he passed me off to be raped by his friend.  I stayed with him out of fear.  The second rape was the same guy who left me to two of his friends to rape me at the same time.  After that, I left for college and never looked back. 

Then, last week, I was attacked again by a guy but managed to defend myself and he left but before he left, he snuck into my roommates room and tried to get in bed with her and she screamed.  I dont’ know how he got back into our apt.  Anyway, so now I’m 23 and reliving everything that has happened since I was 17. 

Now, I find that I cringe when a man is around.  I don’t like men to look at me or talk to me.  The only man I allow in my life is the one who I have been on a roller coaster with and why he’s still around, I don’t know, but I’m slowly getting over that one.  It affects my work.  I treat male patients differently.  I don’t like them.  I don’t want to take care of them.  I do what I have to do and leave their room, whereas I’ll get to know my female patients.

I have been finding it harder and harder to get out of bed.  I sleep all the time and get up to go to the bathroom, go to work, or whatever I have to do, play on this site of course :) and then crawl back in bed.

Is this normal?  How has anyone else handled situations like this?

gottocatchhim wrote:

sorry to say but not my "former guy"  its my sob husband.  but dont worry no sex since this.   he had hernia surgery and 4 weeks later warts appeared.  is used to wrk for a md and know what is was told him to go to md made an appointment for him (didnt tell him what i thought it was but did cut him off)  urologist confirmed my thought and burnt off 4 lesions.   had to go back 2 weeks later for another lesion burnt off.   he tried to initally tell me i was screwing around and thats how he got it!  i told him what i thought of that.  went to my gyno and was tested.  i was neg.  no sex since!!!!!!!! i saw them on him first.   after second visit which was his first f/u visit and had second warts burnt off he came home and told me she (uro.) told him he could have gotten them from a toliet seat.   yeah right!   anyway.....   if the warts werent enough....when he found out what he had it was not "oh no how could this happen reaction"  it was an "oh s#$@ ive been caught" reaction there is a huge  difference.  oh by the way..    when we got married...  i had been with one other person who had only been with me and my husband was a virgin.   yeah if you can believe that he’s a lying cheating sob now but at the time i know for fact he truly was a virgin i was the only girlfriend he ever had.  so it cant be something that just surfaced in him and he had it before me.  I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR INPUT, HELP & ADVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  please

Sorry about the former guy/husband reference.  As I read your post, it pissed me off so bad that I was ready to respond! haha!

Sounds to me like you're calling it like it is...he is a sorry sob.  You apparently don't need any more proof that he has cheated.  Either way, if you re read the last part of your post, he lied.  Either he lied about being a virgin when you married, or he has cheated.  Both lies, just different circumstances.

I say, be grateful you did not catch anything from him, hire a lawyer and get this man out of your life.

I know that you want to go to college and room with your friend, but you have to do what is best for you.  I may not know you, but you seem like a person who will easily attract friends and other people into your life. 

If you choose to go to a private school, they give out a lot of scholarships.  Def. check into that.  Apply for anything and everything, even if you think you don’t qualify.

If you choose a state supported public school, there is financial aid available.  What are you thinking of majoring in?  A lot of majors are in such high demand for jobs after graduation, that they will forgive loans and you never have to repay. 

When do you graduate from high school?

I always hear people say stuff about how you shouldn't do this or that or have a relationship or get married and so on until you are 25.  I also hear that you are never the same person after 25 that you were before.  Why is this?

Also, I am 23.  What would y'all do differently if you could go back to before you turned 25?  KM started a thread about mother's wisdom.  But what about the wisdom on this board?  Y'all are a bunch of strong women.  What advice do you have to offer all of us youngins???

I had an epiphany type experience this afternoon.  The man I'm trying to stay away from told me I was acting like a kid b/c I chose to stand up to him and express my thoughts and my feelings exactly as they were.  So now all of a sudden, I am a kid.  He's 32, divorced, with two children by the way, so I guess this gives him the right to call me a kid.  He says things like that all the time.  If I ever wanted to talk about anything, he'd say...I dont' have time to deal with high school right now, we'll talk about it later.  No wonder I have trouble expressing my thoughts and feelings...they keep getting brushed aside!

Anyway, about the epiphany.  I wish I could explain it.  I read the responses to the thread I started asking for wisdom of the ladies and men on this board.  I know everyone on here has different experiences and backgrounds.  There are things I wish I could drill into the head of my 16 year old cousins, but I can't which is why I value y'alls opinions so highly...because I know you know what you're talking about. 

Today, after he called me a kid yet again and brushed me off, I started to cry and then realized...like bunnyluvin...I have survived sex against my will among other things and I'll be damned if I can't survive some man thinking he can control me and make me feel inferior.  I have decided to reach deep down inside and find that stregnth that you all have and that I know is there.  I have never let a man control me and rest assured, no man ever will again.

I realized that I am in fact cute and I am intelligent.  I do have opinions and beliefs.  I know that I am worth more than what I have given myself credit for.  Worse things have happened to people and they survived.  I have things that I want to do and I have goals that I want to achieve and I will achieve them. 

I have signed off of yahoo messenger and aol messenger and turned my phone off.  I do not want to hear from this man and I feel relieved.

Anyway, all of that happened in a moment.  Can't really explain it other than that. 

okay, so I’ve really opened up a lot the past few days on the board about things I have been through, struggle with, and have weaknesses with.  Although this is a board and no one really knows anyone, I was still skeptical about opening up.  Just the way I am.  Anyway, here’s a poem I wrote a while back that some of you may be able to relate to. 

Expunge the sneer from your countenance and the salient stain from your brow.                                                                   

Stagger to your knees and kiss the foundation on which I stroll.

Your jest no longer charms me and your inarticulate attempts at comedy regurgitate a previous taste.

I once thought someday you fancy my demeanor.

I thought you would grasp my inner thoughts and grab hold my hand as our fingers interlaced.

But my beliefs were unsound and I never foresaw the day you lashed into my heart and plundered into my skin.

My scream pierced the night’s sky and you..you began to chuckle.

I weltered in intensified agony and you left me in a sob to opiate your pathetic mentality with a drab whore clothed in jade attire.

You mocked me...You abused me...and you left me.

By now, my heart has transposed into infuriation and I shall never repose until you feel that which you slung upon me.

THE END haha

And here’s another one just for kicks....

Like fingers slithering along a flush fabric, the ocean of flames so creeps through my veins.

A blaze supressed all too long shut up in my bones.  An injection of such trickery pierced into my skin.

Seeping from my pores of sweat fall drops of animosity.  Spewing from my mouth, a deslusive plate many served lunges foward.

On my knees, groveling toward a repulsive figure, unable to tear into the flesh before me.

I spit upon the ground from which the body burns..I drive my hands back into control.

My only pleasure in watching you welt away.

You say you feel like sometimes you have acute multiple personality disorder and I'm also picking up maybe some molestation from your past that you have surpressed?  Over the time I have been a member of this site, I have picked up on things and noticed details about you here and there.

This isn't an accurate assessment, but just a thought you may want to consider.  You could have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  One of the major symptoms is numbing and dissociation.  I know you talk of feeling numb and disconnected.  The feelings of a multiple personality can come from the dissociation which can cause alterations of body perception and out of body experiences. 

People with PTSD have a dysfunction in norepinephrine in the brain which is related to stress and behavioral changes.  It's also associated with dopamine and cortisol.  Serotonin also plays a major role.  Anyway, I won't bore you with the chemical mumbo jumbo. 

It's just something for you to think about and consider.  I'm not here to diagnose you.  I"m here to listen and be a friend.

Welcome shelley!! 

Don’t feel like you have no friends or anyone to talk to because you have the members of this site.  You may not know me, but I am here.  I check the site frequently throughout the day and when I have a chance and there is always someone logged on and reading and ready to listen.

I feel so bad that this has happened to you.  Feel free to vent and tell what you feel comfortable telling.

Hmmm...

I think you should meet him out for a drink or dinner and find out what he wants:)

I think I heard or read in the news that Scott Peterson was a psychopath as well. 

This was very informative.  Thanks for sharing it. 

I found it interesting how it said that some women are predisposed to being drawn to these men.  It reminds me of co dependency.  That's worth reading into as well if you find yourself with psychopath after psychopath.

I must admit...only one in my life so far.  Well, was in my life...Y'all know what i mean. 

Hopefully more women and men will become educated on these personality disorders so that the disorder will only affect the person who has it and not a partner as well.

Wow.

You're right.  The things we do affect not only ourselves, but those around us.  Jesse's actions have not only affected you, but also his family.

Do you want to keep in touch with his family or cut all ties?  Were you close with them?

This is just my opinion.  For me, it would be hard to stay in contact with his family and I would try to break free.

What are your feeligns on that?

Of course it's hard to let go.  I have struggled with the same thing for months...but the choice is yours.  There is other help out there for the other needs that you have in your life.  Also, in order to move on, you have to be emotionally free and able to move on.

I really hope that you get your car fixed soon so that you won't have a reason to talk to Jesse anymore.  You're a wise woman and too wise for him!

Oh my gosh KM!!  I don't think anyone could have put it more simple and out there than that!!  No one can say it better than the way you just did.  I come from an okay well off family.  I don't hurt for money.  My college was all paid for with scholarships and in turn for a 3.5 or better GPA, my parents paid for my car and apt and so forth.  I don't consider myself ever having been spoiled because I had to work for it..whether that's studying my ass off or actually working, I still did it.  However you are absolutely right.  Nothing matters when you have a man (I knew my attackers) holding you down and tearing your body and mind into shreds at the same time.  Wow...that statement was powerful.

"We don't encourage extra marital affairs.  We understand them,"  and then some don't expect their mistress to have another mistress????  I cannot believe what I just read.  What in the hell is there to understand about broken vows, deception, lies, and spreading God knows what disease all over the planet????  And then to have the audacity to expect the person they are having an affair with not to have an affair with anyone else.  Wow.

It's articles like that giving stats that makes me glad I am single.  Honestly, if the percentages are that high, I really don't even want to be married.  I can appreciate my single life just fine because I don't have to deal with that mess.

I find it a sad day when cheating like that is encouraged and acceptable. 

Moi aussie.  I think we have to adjust ourselves to evolve into the changing world.  Sure at one time, it was safe to leave house doors unlocked, but I sure as heck wouldn't now.  Socially things change as well, and I feel like we have to roll with the times. 

<---me, hahahha!

That’s a long debated and hot topic period.  Opinions vary as to when it’s actually life and so forth.  However, fact is that it’s legal up until 12 weeks.  After that, it’s been banned and you’re messing with some dangerous territory.  I feel that you should encourage her to decide for herself whether you feel it is right or not.  She is in a sticky situation and she has to do what’s best for her.  If she decides to keep the baby, be there for her and continue to support her through the divorce and dealing with this man she doens’t want in her life.  If she chooses to have an abortion, same applies.  Be there for her and support her. 

Oh...and ditto what Bitofheaven just posted.  She’s been there and knows what your friend needs.  I wish you the best and please keep us updated.  It’s hard on you too, I’m sure and we are here for you while you are there for your friend.

I hope you have a great time!!! 
We'll try not to fall apart.  Can't make any promises!!! haha!

Welcome! 

I agree with everything LMM said.  Feel free to send her over here for support and it's completely anonymous. 

Also, since she is still in college, you could advise her to see a counselor at the college.  Most colleges offer free counseling for a few sessions.

Before I get on my , I just wanted to let you know I know where you are.  I have been there and am currently getting out of that situation myself so I completely 110% understand.

Now up on the box I go.  If he hans't decided in 3 years whether or not he wants to be with you, then he probably won't.  Why would he?  He gets to live in your world as more than a friend committment free!  As for the ups and downs...that's too much to handle.  If he gets annoyed over small things, what's going to happen when things really get rough because all relationships have rough times every now and then.

Think about what YOU want, not what he wants or what makes him happy.  Write down your thoughts and everything you want.  Not what you want from him, but what you want period.  Like someone else said, do you want a serious relationship?  Do you want to further in your career?  And so on...you get the point.  Write that down and let your words flow freely. 

After you write, read it.  Does this guy fit into YOUR picture?  If not, then keep on going.  Afterall, you are a busy gal with other people and other things going on in your life. 

The thing that helped me was realizing something.  The first thing I had to do was to actually figure out what I want and what I need and not from a man.  Just in general.  After that, I realized...you know...this man is not meant for me and that's final.  It's really quite simple.  So, I turned off my phone and signed off of yahoo and aol messenger.  It was hard for a few days and yea, he still contacts me, but you know what?  I'm not delaying the inevitable anymore.  What about you?  Do you want to delay any longer?

Okay, off the box now.  Good luck to you and I wish you the best.  It's harder than anything anyone can post or advise.  Find that stregnth that you know is in there.

Oh and one other piece of advice that a 90 year old woman gave me at the hospital the other day.  She literally appeared to be about 60 years old and not a day older.  I didn’t even believe she was 90 until I looked at her chart.  Anyway, here’s what she told me and it’s actually quite cute.

She said..."The one thing I have learned all my years of livin’ is to not sweat the small stuff.  That’s why I don’t have wrinkles."

No wonder she looks so young.  She lived her life and never worried about small things.  The rate I have been going, I’ll be wrinkled at 30.  Not anymore though and I hope the same for you.  Don’t keep people who bring you down and stress you out in your life.  They give wrinkles!

Without a doubt, the first person that comes to mind is my mother also.  I see her stregnth and she amazes me at all of the things she juggles everyday.  Since my grandmother passed away two years ago, my mom is the backbone of our entire family.

No matter what I have done, my mom is always there.  After being raped twice in high school, I never told my mom.  I was ashamed and didn't want her to know.  During my freshman year of college, I was so upset about it that I couldn't hold it in any longer and I called her during the middle of her work day and told her and her voice was all I needed to hear to know that everything would be okay.

I also remember I had a nervous break from some post trauma stress and my mom got out of bed in the middle of the night and drove two hours to my dorm that same year and brought me back home so that I could spend a few days going to my therapist.

One of my favorite memories was one night over Christmas a few years ago when I was at home.  My dad went to bed around 11 and my mom and I stayed up watching the Gameshow Network.  That 25,000 dollar pyramid or whatever it's called was on.  My mom and I were just yelling out answers and I don't remember but I said something really off the wall and I will never forget how hard my mom and I laughed.  I think it was that moment that I realized I had a friendship with my mom and she went from being a mom to a friend.

I remember when guys would break up with me and she would always be there.  Friends would betray me and she'd be there.  She told me that no matter where I go or what I do that I always have a bedroom in their house.  My room is still the same as I left it when I graduated high school and moved away.  She said it's my room and I'll always be welcome there.

I could go on and on but I'll stop there so that I don't bore y'all :)

I read your post several times to take it all in.  I have to say that my heart goes out to you. 

It sounds to me like your husband had an emotional affair which is equally as painful as a physical affair. 

I know you are tempted to blame yourself because you work and stay busy, but he chose to turn to another woman instead of trying and talking things out with you. 

You say you are a fighter.  My advice to you is to start fighting.  If you feel that you and your husband can get through this, then start fighting.  Seek counseling, talk things out.  Do what you have to do to save your family. 

I wish you the best and I hope that things work out and that it's not over if you do not want it to be over.

It wasn't me

I'm lost

Okay, maybe this is completely wrong and random.  I'm thinking of picking up my life and moving somwhere else.

I currently live in Columbia, SC and am on my 5th year of school because I changed my major 3 times.  I'm in Nursing right now and work at a hospital doing internship type stuff.  Anyway, I'm starting to second guess that choice. 

I feel extremely unhappy here.  I am thinking about just dropping out of school and moving somewhere and getting a job waiting tables or something, establish residency in another state, and then going back to school.

I feel so burnt out and sick of Columbia and SC in general.  I have no idea what I want to do as a career.  I have gone from one extreme to the other..Public Relations to Communications to Nursing.  I just don't think I can do it anymore.  I have NO idea what I want out of life or what I want to do.

Is this completely crazy?

oh my gosh!  i felt so positive about things after reading your post and was hoping to continue to hear better news.

how did you find out she was pregnant?  did they tell you?  is it your husbands or her own husbands?

regardless of how you feel you have not devoted enough time to him and have been gone a lot, two wrongs still do not make a right.  what he has done is wrong.  he could have came to you, but he chose to turn to another woman.

i know that you are hurt.  you reacted the way you did in front of everyone over the microphone because you were hurt.  i just hope that you can find peace and refocus on your life.  the long road is just now beginning...but we are all here for you.

do your children have any idea something is going on?

I am supposed to graduate May 2006 so I have three semesters, including this one left.  I'm almost done, so I might as well just throw myself into work and school and get it done.

I have just felt so depressed lately and I think I'm thinking and acting out of desperation.  I take antidepressants and have a therapist, but that doens't seem to be working anymore.

I have missed class days and clinical days and if I don't do something now, I am going to fail.  My GPA is a 3.4, so I'm not that type of student and my teachers have taken notice.  I just don't feel like doing anything.  I just want to lay in bed and stare at the wall.  I don't answer my phone unless it's my mom and she'll worry if I don't.  I just dont care about anything I used to care about.  I feel like I don't have any feelings left.

There are good days and then there are bad, but the past few months, they have been mostly bad. 

Wow, what a pity party post I just wrote.  That's just how I feel right now.

Just to be honest with you and this is only my take on things.

I’m sure that he does miss what y’all had but that’s just the point.  It’s what y’all had with had being past tense.  Things have changed, times have changed, and you have changed.  You have come a long way and the circumstances are different now.  One thing that hasn’t changed is that he is still the same man who told you that he didn’t love you and walked out of your life. 

Unless he’s doing everything in his power to win you over, then I don’t think you should consider this for real.  He could be lonley and unhappy with the choices that he has made, but that’s his problem to deal with now....not yours.  You have better things going on right now. 

My advice to you is to maintain your class and dignity, hold your head high and walk away. 

I have learned that there will be good days and then there will be bad days.  Some days you probably won't cry a lot and other days, you will feel very down, but this is a normal part of healing. 

If your husband left you, why are you still talking to him in the mornings and at lunch like y'all did before he left?  He left you.  Cut him off and let the courts take care of the rest. 

It frustrates me that he says he's going to come back but needs to be on his own right now.  This is a marriage, not a hotel where you check in and check out. 

You had said in an older thread that he won't try counseling.  You have done all you can do. 

If he doesn't want to live with you and causes such confusion in your life, then he's not putting forth an effort to work things out.  I think you should quit talking to him so much during the day and allow yourself time to heal.

I actually found this site on a sleepless night.  It was about 4 am and I was wandering around the internet looking up quotes about breakups, healing, cute quotes, things like that and I stumbled on this site and haven't been able to stay away since.  I feel like I have my own set of friends/family on this board. Sleep will come to you.  You can't go on forever without it.  I have found that herbal tea works well.  The box says something about sleeping.  You could have a hot cup at night.

Her comments about...Gee, he was good is just completely uncalled for and not very classy.  She doesn't seem like the brightest crayon in the box. 

He lied to you.  She lied to you.  What they have done is wrong and you have every right to feel hurt and angry.  You were decieved into thinking your husband had a friendship with another woman.  

Don't allow him into your bed.  He lost that priviledge.  He really needs to stay in a hotel or sleep on the floor.  You need your own time to take all of this in and begin to face reality because the day will come when you have to talk to your children and face things. 

I think you should try to be as calm as possible so that you don't drive yourself crazy.  I'm not one to encourage smoking, but if that works, then do it for now.  Go for a run, buy a punching bag, just do what you need to do so that you can take care of your children. 

Be the better woman.  Don't sink to this woman's level of name calling and throwing around sexual references with your husband.  Walk away from her.  There's no reason you need to talk to her.  And as for your husband, find a good lawyer and get this thing going.

It sounds like you are starting to feel a little better.  Emotions are so powerful that they can make anyone feel crazy sometimes.  I'm also a firm believer in a thin line between love and hate and both are such strong emotions.  I have to constantly remind myself to stay in control and keep my emotions in check.  When my ex broke up with me for...mmmm..about the 4th time, I hauled off and tried to hit him, but he blocked my arm and I'm not that type of person at all (yet still continued to talk to him for months but that's another story).  Emotions took over me just like they took over you. 

I am for the most part a very calm person.  I talk and laugh a lot, but I'm not overwhelming and loud.  I used to be highly opinionated and very strong but he got the best of me and reduced me down to someone I didn't want to become.  I'm healing and slowly getting back to the person I was and want to be.  You sound like the same thing has happened to you.  You are smart and you are assertive and he has reduced you down to someone you don't want to become.  You know how you can grab a hold of someone's arms and shake them saying...."Would you get a hold of yourself?!"  The same applies here.  Imagine the strong woman you are grabbing hold of the mess you say you have become and shaking some sense into yourself.

Do not let him have this power and control over you.  Do what you need to do and don't do anything to please him or make him happy because he has proven himself unworthy.

I hear what you are saying about realizing that it is over.  I even saw on Dr. Phil where he told this woman that the first step is to actually admit to yourself that this is not the person for you.  That's what I had to do and I have for the first time started to recover.  It sounds like you are doing the same.

Here is a quote for you.

"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished.  That will be the beginning."    -Lous L'Amour

I think I'm going to hide under my bed for a while so I don't get hurt.

So what's going on?  Obviously someone has lied to you or is being a hypocrite and you are upset, so talk to us.  Vent away!

It's only a few days away!  What's everyone's plans?

The idiot I'm now getting over and I had plans and dinner reservations for a really nice restaraunt here in town, but that's cancelled needless to say.  Just wondering about some ideas because I know it's going to be a sad night sitting at home and I really don't want to go out and drink haha.

Soooo...what are all y'all going to do?

Oh my goodness MP!!!  I hope your week gets better and I hate that you are having so much trouble with your computer.

And I have noticed you haven't been posting a lot lately and I miss reading!!!!  Don't stay gone too long :)

I agree with KM.  Let her have her time and space. 

She is probably going to go through several phases of shock, anger, bitterness, hurt, numbness and so forth.

What happened?  Did you cheat with a friend of yours or a random woman?  I hope I'm not being too nosey. 

I agree with everything he said. 

Be prepared to move heaven and earth to be with this woman if that is what you want.

Also, Alexander is right in that you have to be able to look within yourself and not give exuses to get yourself off the hook.  I understand that you say it was peer pressure, alcohol, etc. but put yourself in her shoes.  Would you want to hear that?  I'm not saying lie to her by any means, but definately think about what Alexander has said and you have to be prepared to answer the why's and how's and with good reason and not just....Oh forgive me, I was drunk and so forth.

Good luck and keep us updated!

That's so great to hear!!!  I'm sure your site is helping millions of women worldwide.

You hadn't posted for a few days, but I made a thread for you under the General section about your site so check it out if you haven't already.

Ok.  I have an appt. to get my medication adjusted for the 16th.  Hopefully that wil help me snap out of this and keep on going.

The Dean of Nursing called me this morning and wants to see me today so I have an appt. with her at 2.  I have a feeling I'm going to get kicked out of nursing school because I have missed two clinical days for OB/GYN and we are only allowed to miss one, I have turned in stuff late and have not found a person to do my long term project on over the semester.

Any advice on what to say to plead my case?  I'm almost ready to just go in there and spill the beans about everything that has gone on in my life the past two years.

So the meeting was awful.  The dean said she heard through rumors that I had an alcohol problem (WTF????) and told me that I had some serious issues to work though, asked if I felt I could be bipolar and so forth. 

Then she told me it hasn't passed the withdrawl deadline and that she advised me to withdraw myself and if I didn't, then I would be administratively withdrawn after the deadline and would fail and it would kill my GPA.  So I was forced to withdraw.

I have no idea what to do now.  I feel like I am spiraling downhill and fast.  Have been since I have known that guy whose the subject of my posts.  He threw my life into a whirlwind and then pretty much just left me there and moved onto the next woman and now I'm here picking up pieces and have no clue how.

I personally have never been in a long distance relationship so I cannot speak from experience.  However,  a friend of mine is in school here in SC and her boyfriend is living in FL for grad school.  They have been together for over 2 years and more than half of it was long distance.  She understands that there are no guarantees but says that she really loves him so they have made it work.  He calls her everyday and they see each other on breaks, holidays, etc.  It actually works out for her because she can focus 110% on school during the week and has a 4.0 GPA.

My questions to you are...How long have you known him?  How long have y'all been dating?  How did you meet him?  Do you know how he feels about you?

My opinion is that if he wants to be with you badly enough, he will make it work.  It's not wrong of you to ask for what you want if that is truly what you want.  If he isn't willing, then you know that it's not going to work and you can free yourself to be with someone else down the road.

What a jerk.  That's sick that he gets off on playing women.  Sounds like he has an ego or self esteem issue. 

I know you feel ashamed and embarassed about pouring your heart out.  I have done that before too.  But you did it and you can't take it back.  Save the compassion for someone worthwhile.

If this guy has a history of this type of behavior, then you know it's nothing you have done so don't feel bad or guilty.  Men like that are smooth operaters and can fool the best of us. 

Be glad he is gone...you will be glad soon enough and you will look back and know that you learned something and hopefully will be more aware next time.

I just thought of something that someone once told me.

Look at the types of men you are dating.  There is most likely a common pattern or personality trait that sets them up for failure.

For example, I have a need to feel needed feel that I have to help people with their problems and that somehow I can.  So, I go after men who have emotional issues and are basically screwed up in the head.  On a subconsious level, I think I can help them.  I never realized it until it was brought to my attention.

I encourage you to think about that.  What do these men have in common and what are your personal stregnths and weaknesses?  It takes a while to think about because you have to sit down and be honest with yourself and think things through but it's very worthwhile.

Just a suggestion that I thought of :)

Wow...I have never heard that song I don't believe, but I'm going to download it.  I absolutely love the lyrics, especially the end.  Heck, I think I might print this out and hang the lyrics on my wall!

I noticed you named the thread Having a Down Moment.  I hope that you don't stay down too long.  Of course these moments are going to come and go for a while, but the moments you are down will become less and less over time.  Keep on keeping on!

I feel so down, but at the same time so full of hope.  I went ahead and withdrew because in all honesty, I just want to go somewhere and start new. 

C.Star is right.  I don't know who I am or what I want.  I do know that I feel limited here in SC. 

I talked to my parents and my mom has actually done a lot of research before even talking to me and has looked into me transferring schools.  My GPA is high and since I withdrew myself, I am in good standing with my current school.  We are just getting ideas and figuring out options.

I'm going to take the next three or so months left in the semester and work.  I'm going to go on a job hunt Monday.  I'll probably wait tables somewhere because I hope to move to a new state at the beginning of the summer so I don't want any type of long term job.  I can no longer work as a student at the hospital because, well, I'm no longer a student.  Also during these upcoming months, I'm going to sort things out and pick up pieces. 

I'm considering even changing my major.  I have other interests and I love to read and I love writing poems and following current events, politics, etc.  I'm just going to take some time and rethink what I want to do and where my true interests are.

In a way, all of the stuff that has gone down over the past two years of my life are really a blessing.  I think that even though I feel down right now and have no idea what tomorrow holds, I know that I'm on the right track.  That doesn't make a lot of sense, but I feel really positive and good about the decisions and the things that are going on right now.

It's a complete evaluation of where I stand, what I believe and what I want.

I understand that you needed time off to take care of things at home.  It happens and you are a single mother and family comes first.

As for what your boss did...well, I hate to say it, but she's the boss.  She can get away with things that other people can't.  No it's not right and no it's not fair but that's the way it goes sometimes. 

I hope you get things worked out with your daughters and your job.  You do what you need to and have to do.

Then don't log on.

The other men on the site don't seem to feel that way.  We are here for them just as much as other women. 

If being smart and wise makes you a bitch, then yes, you are.

You are obviously having doubts and there's nothing like a woman's intuition and I think you should turn away and walk. 

One statement you made really bothers me.  You said you pushed pride aside and remained friends with him figuring that it was better than nothing.  Think about what you are saying here.  You are in love with this man and want more than a friendship and yet you settled for just a friend.  By reading your story, I feel that you are settling for less than you want and deserve.

Take a look at his past patterns.  He has been dishonest to you, yet he knows you will be there when he needs or wants you.  He may not get emotionally involved, but you do. 

My concern is that he has you until the next woman comes along, then he'll drop you again, and pick you back up when he's done.  I don't want to see that happen.  Don't let this man hold you back from what you want. 

If you feel you are setting yourslef up again, then don't allow it to happen.  Just because you have been through so much and have been friends since 8th grade gives him no right to play roller coaster games with your mind.

GET OUT NOW!

Well, sounds to me like she just doesn't want to be with you.  Not wanting to get back together means just that.  She doesn't want to get back together.  Not to sound rude, but she doesn't owe you an explanation and she's entitled to move on without having to explain herself.  That's just the way it is.

My advice to you now is to use this as a learning and growing experience.  Take your mistakes, her mistakes and apply them to the next relationship.  If you say you just want to have fun and live life, then go do it.  Make yourself happy and don't depend on there always being someone by your side to share your life with because truth be known, there may not always be someone around.  Think of it this way.  If you don't have someone by your side now, then later down the road you will have experiences adn stories to share with this person.

I say move on.

Cliffs Notes please

J/K

That's where I am right now too.  I'm trying to work on things within myself.  I dont'; know how long it will take, but I'm going to get there.

I'm focusing on things and goals that I want to achieve and if you have read any of the other threads I have started, I'm currently thinking of actually moving and transferring schools just to get a fresh start.  There are things I want to do and I just feel limited where I am right now.

Set your sites on what you want and be proactive in getting there.

I wish you the best and I"m so glad that you have recognized this about yourself.  It's amazing what you are going to learn about yourself over the next few months

Well, you are right.  You let him know you were interested so now I think you should sit back and let things develop, if they do.

Also, I would say skip the middle person and encourage your best friend to stay out of it.  Not that you don't value his/her opinion, but you two are adults and I think you can handle yourselves without a friend involved. 

My opinion is still the same.  Keep doing your own thing and if he's interested, he'll come around.

Sorry I am so late responding.  I went to bed early last night and just now logged on. 

Your story took my breath away.  Your outlook amazes me.  You have managed to once again hold yourself together in the most difficult circumstances. 

It sounds like you already know how you are going to handle this situation and what you are going to do.  It kinda reminds me of The Bridges of Madison County where they were never together again because he traveled and she didn't want to tear her family apart.  Yet, they always remained in love and thought of each other until their dying day.

I agree.  I want that kind of love that you described.  It may take years and years for it to find me, but I know it will and I know it will for you too.  You are such a smart and insightful woman with your head on your shoulders and if it's not Brent, then someone who knocks your socks off even more will come along.

Believe it or not Krissmiss, I heed your advice everytime I post something.  Just like when you told bunny to fall in love several times and experience love from all angles.  I will heed that advice also.  You have so much to offer and so much to give.  So many great qualities, yet the good man shortage can hold you back.  Not enough good men out there for all the good women :)  Besides, the good ones are usually dating each other :(

It is frustrating sometimes to be happy and single because you do want someone to share those good times and bad times with,but you're right in not settling and staying where you are.  You have to do what makes you happy.

Well, that's my little ramble.  I hope you continue to feel better and keep on keeping on :)

Oh my gosh!!!

That is by far the funniest thing I have heard in a long time!!  I almost choked on my water!!!

by the way...who is Paul?

Wasted away in margartaville.........

Now that song is stuck in my head ;)

I’m playing catch up, so I don’t believe I saw your original post.

But I’m just going to guess from what everyone else’s response has been.

It sounds like you wanted revenge by posting a phone number.  What will that benefit?  It will only make you angrier while he’s off with this other woman.

Don’t feel like he has everything because he doesn’t have you.  Also don’t feel like you have nothing because you have your own life.  Start living it.  Do things you wouldn’t usually do, keep a journal, do something random. 

This may sound cheesy but I did it and have no shame in telling you.  I had always read poems, books, essays and heard the advice to enjoy every moment blah blah, the same thing we all hear.  Well, the other day it was raining and yucky outside.  I have never taken the time to enjoy the rain.  I’ll go outside and lay out in the sun or go for a run, but never walk outside in the rain.  So, I walked out onto the porch and just stood there and smelled the rain.  I enjoyed the peacefulness because no one else was outside.  It was nice to just listen to it fall.  Anyway, the point in my story is that I did something I have never done before and something that never made sense to me.  I did it and enjoyed it.  It’s the small things you never thought you’d enjoy that somehow give you peace of mind and for a moment in time, you don’t think about your situation.  Anyway, it worked for me because I realized that I have no more control over the rain and weather than I do over other people and their feelings for me.

Not to mention, he cheated on you and she cheated on her husband, so who’s to guarantee that they won’t cheat on each other??  Doesn’t sound like my type of relationship.

So, my advice to you is to move on.  It’s so much easier said than done, but you have to pull out some sort of will power and stregnth that you have left and just do it.  Don’t think too hard, don’t plan too much, just move on.

If you read around the boards enough, you'll learn that you aren't the first that has felt this way and unfortunately you aren't going to be the last.

You say that you attract these types of men.  I advise you to take a look at yourself first.  We all have stregnths and weaknesses.  Sometimes, men know our weaknesses and play on them or we attract a certain type of man related to our personality. 

For example, I have this desire to feel needed and think that I, without any help, can solve some of the worlds greatest problems and social injustice or at least make a damn good effort.  With that being said, I would attract emotionally screwd up men who needed help.  The help they needed was beyond anything I could ever do.  They needed chemical and professional help.  But, these men filled what was missing.  They need me to help them and that's what I wanted to do.  As soon as I did a self examination, I quit falling for these men.  I took a long hard look at myself, my stregnths and weaknesses, and learned.  Granted, I still attract these types of men, but I no longer fall for them.  Instead I choose to focus on myself, my future, and what I want to do next instead of helping a lost cause of a man.  I would encourage you to do the same.  What is it about yourself that you can recognize and change?

The only thing you can really do is to learn.  Don't constantly beat yourself up over this.  He is a predator and you are his prey.  He saw that you were a single hardworking mother and he preyed on that.  Not your fault at all.

Learn to trust your instincts.  I have said it a million times and I will say it again, there is nothing like a woman's intuition.  If you think something is wrong, it probably is.

I agree with Krissmiss.  The next step to take is with a counselor on campus.  If you speak out, others may follow.  Just having someone to talk to will help.  You may choose not to file a complaint or pursue anything, but it will help you to talk to someone. 

Hold that head high and continue with your education and seek the help that you need.

It has taken a while for me to get to know personalities.  It's hard to do when you don't actually know anyone on the forum.  Trust me, keep coming, keep reading and posting and you will get to know people.  I consider several of the people on this forum friends and I hope that you find the same.

I have tried to start a new thread and post on threads and it won’t let me. 

It says some sort of error code and then something about there not being room.

I was able to post on one thread but not others.

Could I have a virus or something on my computer?

Edit:  Okay, so it let me post this thread but not another I tried to start LOL

I've been having some problems too.  See the thread I started called Posts.

LMM said something was going on with the server and she is working on it :)

I am anxious to hear about this new guy bunny!!!!:)

Gosh!  I hate having days like you are having.  They come and go.  You just want the world to stop turning so that you can have peace and feel free for just that one moment in time.  If only it were that easy!

Of course you know that it will pass and that exercise and spending time out with friends will do wonders.  I won't repeat what everyone else has said. 

I have something new to offer.

I'll post a joke for you that was in my email in hopes that it will give you a laugh and help you feel better :)  I'm repeating it from memory, so bear with me haha!

A man and a woman were on an airplane.  The woman would sneeze every few minutes and when she did, she would shudder.  The man noticed this several times and was wondering if maybe she was having a siezure.  He finally asked, "Ma'am, are you okay?"  The woman answered, "Yes, I have a rare condition.  When I sneeze, I have an orgasm."  The man asked, "Well, what do you take for that?"  She answered..."Pepper!"

Okay, so it was a little cheesy but I hope it made you smile.

Chin up girl, we're all behind you 110%

You say you are trying to mend fences.  I‘m guessing that you must be having some sort of marital problems.  Have you sought counseling?  That may be a wise decision so that you can fix the marriage on an emotional level as well.

I am sure you are very disappointed about Valentine‘s Day.  Does he usually plan something big?

You are not asking too much to feel loved.  It‘s what we all want and what we all deserve. 

I hate to agree with Alexander on this situation, but it‘s something to consider.  Could he be having an affair or an impotency problem? 

There are several factors to consider.

I wish you luck and hope that this can be resolved soon :)  Feel free to vent anytime.

We all act on emotion sometimes and don't use our best judgement and decision making skills.  I'm glad you took some time to think about things and how you wanted to handle it.

I definately believe this woman has some serious psychiatric problems.  I hope her husband is encouraging her to seek help and I hope she is on some type of medication.  Sounds like she needs to work on the way she copes. 

Good for you for seeking out antidepressants.  I really hope that they continue to help you and get you through this.  It doesn't mean you will have to take them forever, but for now, I think you are doing the right thing. 

I'm so glad to hear that you and your husband are talkign more openly.  You are right.  Sometimes it does take something like this to give you a wake up call.  It's sad that it happened in a way that has hurt you and broken trust, but hopefully the negative will turn to positive soon.

Keep walking!  Exercise releases endorphins in the brain that help you feel better, not to mention look better!  Congrats on losing the weight, but I hope that you continue eating right along with your exercise.

Please continue to keep us updated:)

I agree!!  Good for you for not continuing in the cycle of abuse!!

I hope that the divorce can be over soon.  Something to keep in mind....the more he realizes that you really do want a divorce, the harder he will try to keep you.  Beware and keep your guard and emotions in check.

Keep us posted and best of luck!

bunnyluvin wrote:

Harley wrote: You have to ask??? We call it B.O.B So is it what I am thinking or is my mind wrongfully in the gutter?

B.O.B??

Battery Operated Boyfriend??

Or is it a rabbits foot for good luck?  But then that doesn't fit B.O.B.

Oh well...haha

Did you write that?

If so, you're very talented!  If not, you have good taste :)

Ditto. 

I definately say to wait until the divorce is final.  My personal opinion is that he is still married until the final papers are signed and the deed is done.  Some may choose to date while separated legally, but my personal choice would be to wait until everything is final.

You have to listen to yourself.  Usually when I have a "gut" feeling, it's usually validated at some point in time.  I may not understand at first, but over time...it all comes together.  Trust yourself.

I understand what your friend was saying about you are ready to bolt and that's something to think about.  I also agree with Krissmiss in that it could be a cultural difference.  However, if you have no reason to feel the way you do and you are sure that you trust yourself, then get out now.  Nothing like a woman's intuition.  We are blessed with a 6th sense :)

Good luck in whatever you decide and keep us posted.

This thread shocked me.  I have been busy for a few days traveling during the day and too tired at night so I haven't had time to read and post a lot, so I'm just not getting around to it.

I have read that Thai girls are often sold at young ages into prostitution.  I was reading that there is a large gap between the wealthy and poor and that the wealthy have often times sold a daughter and the poor have either refused or do not have daughters. 

Not only in Thailand, but I have heard and read about these types of issues that go on in so many parts of the world.  Many women do not even have rights and are still sold as property. 

Thanks for bringing this to our attention.  I am sorry that you have gone through such a horrible situation.  Hopefully you will help a lot of women in the future by bringing this to our awareness.

I hope this question makes sense b/c I can't figure out how to word it.

Is there any way to change the time zone for what time people post?  For example, it will say that the last post was on such and such day whatever time, yet that's not my time.  Does that make sense?  Just wondering if there was a setting to where I could change it and know what time people are posting to my time.

I agree with what everyone else has said.

I can def. relate to the being sucked back in feeling.  It would seem like everytime I moved on.....suck suck suck...right back in.  However, I have also found that staying busy helps.  Also, KEEP YOUR PLANS.  For example, in order to stay busy, you plan a night out wiht friends.  Then, the man calls.  DO NOT CANCEL.  Even if you are just planning on taking a walk.  That's time for YOU.  You're busy doing other things and not available for him to suck you back in.

I also encourage you to pick up a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You."  For me, it has made such complicated situations seem so simple.  He just wasn't into me!

I wish you the best :)  It's hard, but it will pass.

Welcome!

If you are suspicious, go with it.  Try to find out more.  I'm with Alexander and LMM. Go to the "Catch a Cheater" section and see what you can find out.

He lied about his cousin.  If he will lie about that, it seems that he would lie about other things too.

I definately think this is worth looking into. Sounds like there could be more to this story than you know.

I want to say I don't like this guy you work with. It's none of his business about your sexual history or current sexual behavior.  Call me old fashioned if you want, but I think it's rude for a guy in that situation to ask you if you are a virgin.  I consider that something personal and only to be shared with trusted people. That really makes me tick. 

I don't trust this guy because he's trying to use flattery.  Of course you're beautiful and occupy a lot of guys' minds.  It's good that he recognizes this!  The comment about you playing shy and innocent...he's just trying to see what kind of information he can get out of you.  The whole txt messaging...same thing.

If individuals choose to smoke it up every now and then, that's up to them.  However, it is illegal in the United States and if you're around and it's on him, then if he goes down, so do you.  I choose not to hang around people who participate in things that are illegal.

You have every reason to be concerned.  My advice to you is to take this as a warning and stay away from him. I mean sure you will have contact with him at work, but let it be just that and nothing more.

I don't want to see you get yourself into a situation where you could get into trouble or hurt.

By the way, I have a friend who does Coke...or so I have been told by other friends.  I am careful around this person.  I have not decided how to confront him yet.  In the meantime, I do not go to his house, ride in a car with him or allow him to my house or in a car with me.  I only hang out with him in public places...just being careful until I confront him to find out the truth.

If you are weary, then stay away.  I'm on the outside of this situation and I don't trust this guy and obviously you don't either. 

"When in doubt, don't."   -Oprah (and we all know she's wise!)

OMG...can i order by the truckload?????

Do you have a link to that picture?  I'd liek to send it to some friends haahahah!!!

Good one Harley! lol

I completely agree.  I have chosen to focus soley on education and setting high standards and goals for my future.  I surround myself with friends like myself.  My core group are men and women in their mid to late 20's who are single.  They work full time jobs and live on their own or with roommates. 

My parents have pushed me toward marriage my whole life and I have instead chosen to focus on a career.  Having said that, I do not mean that I do not plan on ever marrying.  Instead, I am focusing on what I can do for me in the meantime.  I may never marry.  I'm not going to college and grad school, law school, or wherever I choose to go to major in "Finding a husband."  I am doing it to better myself so that in the end, I can support myself. 

I want to be a complete person before entering into any type of relationship, especially a marriage.  If he walks away from me, I want to have the confidence that I can make it on my own both emotionally and financially.

I'm not familiar with modern feminism.  Are there any good books I could pick up to read more about it?  I have read about women's history and fighting for equality, but none of this living seperately movement.

Wow...that's really sick.  I've never heard of it but will look up information.

Amazing what the movie industry can make money off of exploiting. 

I don't want to see a women being stabbed there period.

I haven't heard of the movie but I hope it doesn't make it to the states or my area.

Thanks for that warning. 

I know this is tough on you and that you are hurt.  It's almost like another one bites the dust.

Why wait until Friday to write him off?  If he's angry because you did not sleep with him, that's enough reason to write him off.  If he thinks you are out of his league, you probably are...therefore, write him off.

It seems that he's slowly withdrawing from you.  Write him off now.  Don't wait until Friday and prolong the inevitable.  I know it stinks and it's going to be hard for a few days, weeks, possibly months, but you'll recover in time just as you did over your last relationship.

Ever considered he may be staying with his wife?

We women are blessed with a 6th sense.  Our intuition.  If you think something is wrong, most likely, it is.  Don't dismiss or ignore your instincts as paranoia.

From what you are saying, it sounds as if you have a good lead for finding out the truth.  I would also advise you check the Catch a Cheater section and to have a plan of action for what you want to do next.

You asked the question about what kind of lies they tell to get out of it.  I think you are already hearing them.

How can you trust him?  You can't!

I agree with what the others have said.  You have all the signs.  Usually when someone is guilty of something, they project it onto you.  He doesn't want you going to a bar by yourself because he knows that there are most likely going to be men like himself there.  He calls to check up on you so that he knows you aren't out doing whatever it is that he is doing.

I think it's time to confront him and leave him.  Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who treats you in this way and even raises doubt about trust issues?  You are still engaged so it's not too late.

Keep us posted and I wish you the best.  Of course it's hard and will be hard for a while, but we are all here for support.  Someone is always logged on and can respond to you :)

Where is it?  I don't know why I have not heard of contemp. feminism.  I don't mind reading biased websites and articles. 

Ditto.

I really don't want to be negative but when I read your update, I thought to myself..."Still don't trust him.."

But only YOU know your own intuition and gut feelings, so go with it and I wish you the best. 

I hope Yogi and I are wrong.

Congrats for moving on from the first guy.  It's hard and you have accomplished a lot!  Good for you!  I'm so happy to hear that you are feeling better and things are going well for you.

As for the friend, why not?  You never know where it may lead.  See what happens and proceed with caution.

Keep us posted!  I'm anxious to hear what happens next :)

I'm so glad that you have moved foward.  It's a tough thing to do because sometimes it requires all of the stregnth that you have.  Congrats to you for taking your life in your own hands and doing something about it!

I had actually asked a question about flattening abs in another thread and yoga and other various exercises were mentioned.

I try to keep all of my time occupied.  Sometimes, I can go a little overboard and not even be able to go out with friends.  I set aside time to read a book because that consumes all of my thoughts as well.  Stay focused on bettering yourself constantly.  We are constantly changing and evolving. 

I applaud you and wish you the best :)

Wow!  This is quite a story.  I know what I want to say, but I’m having trouble organizing my thoughts today so I’ll apologize in advance for rambling.

You do everything for him so why wouldn’t he want to marry you?  Have you ever stood up to him?  Shared that your feelings?

On the sunny side, his roommate could have been just trying to get back at him or something with the girlfriend thing, but most likely not. 

So then he goes away and gets married for money.  I think that speaks for itself. This man is not capable of giving you the love and respect that you want and deserve.  It says a lot about his lack of honesty and integrity and shouts bad character!

So, now after all ths time, he thinks it is okay to just pick back up with you.  It's up to you to let him know that this behavior is not acceptable.

If you are afraid of what will happen when he visits, don't let him visit.  You are aware that old feelings may come back and you could possibly lose yourself and start this whole process all over again.  My advice is to cut him off.  You don't owe him anything, especially not an explanation.  He does what he wants and expects you to be there.  Not the kind of relationship I would want to be in and not the kind I want to see anyone else go through.

bunny, I have no idea why but when I read that I busted out laughing.  No clue why.  I want her to come back.

I think it's that you made that comment and kept right on talking

Or maybe I just need more sleep hahahahahahahahaha.

Are those pics of a house you are considering buying?

At the apartments that I live in, you can break your lease and sublease if someone is willing to pick up the rest of your lease.  There's a fee and you and the subleaser have to sign a paper.  You could check into that.

That story gave me chills and has left me speechless.  I cannot even imagine the trauma that the wife and children will face and deal with for the rest of their lives.

This is the second story today that has given me chills.

I admire your courage and stregnth.  You are a selfless woman and I commend you.  Words cannot express what an admirable thing you have done.  This is something that I would see in a movie, not actual life.

Your husband knew you were strong and knew what kind of woman you really are and that's why he called on you in his time of need.  You are such a forgiving person and I'm still in awe over your story.

Bless you and I only hope that I can become half of the woman that you have been.

I don't recall who said it, but I believe it was a writer who said...."I can sum up the one thing I have learned about life:  It goes on."

This is absolutely true!  No matter what we go through, how angry we become, how upset we are, who hurts us or who we hurt, life still goes on.  There have been times where I wish time would have just stopped for a few minutes and let me catch my breath and then continue.  No matter how hard I wished, it never happened.

I am with C.Star.  It's a step in coming here.  I encourage you to search through older stories and posts.  You will not be disappointed.  If you want to be inspired or encouraged in any way, surf around this site.  There are so many strong men and women who have been where you are and gotten through it.  Sometimes it is therapuetic to read others' stories.  I do it from time to time.  I also go back and read older posts of mine and see how much I have grown in such a short period of time.  I stumbled upon this website one night when I was upset and couldn't sleep.  It has been such a blessing to me and has helped me to move foward.

I'd like to advise you to do at least ONE thing per day for yourself.  Whether it's reading a book, taking a hot bath, watching the sunset, or whatever you choose to do.  Take that moment in time and make it yours.

Don't dwell on the what if's or beat yourself up mentally over why he cheated.  He chose to do it and it's not your fault.  Focus on there here and now and your future because that's what you have control over.  Let everything else go.

Feel free to come vent anytime and I wish you well in your healing :)

I love it.  It looks like it's in a good and safe neighborhood too.  I'm with LMM...I love the maroon walls and vaulted ceiling.  It looks peaceful!  Two thumbs up from me!

Have you tried talking to your leasing office about a sublease?

I have been sick alllll day today coughing up my lungs, sleeping off and on, running a fever blah blah blah!!!  Anyway, now that it's a good hour to go to bed, I can't

So, I wrote another poem about past weaknesses and betrayal. 

What an exemplary vile poison you are

Your taste still lingers on the contour of my tongue.

I swallow your deception

and digest the facitious dialogue you expel forth.

I lie anesthetized by your dealings

and taken back by your loathsome actions.

You creep through my body

interjecting your repungance and exploitation into my being.

After triumphing my once preserved and tranquil spirit,

you expunge yourself and turn your cursed face from me.

I slumber unaccompanied

While you slither to the next simple soul.

I think guilt causes one person to blame the other.  For example, I have found that when one partner is cheating, he/she may accuse the other of cheating-kind of a way to project his/her own guilt onto the other.

Of course you were not perfect.  None of us are.  If anyone even know how to be perfect, they'd be billionaires with best selling books and therapy sessions lined up.  It's all a learning process.  We are constantly learning about ourselves and adapting to change.

There was no way you could have predicted the way all of this would end.  However, I feel that you can stand strong and proud for handling everything the way you have.

I know the feeling of situations being a dream.  I am 23 so I don't have a lot of life experience, but I can look back on certain phases and things I have gone through and it just doesn't seem real to me anymore.  I find it somewhat healing. 

You're right.  It will take time.  I hate saying that almost as bad as I hate hearing it, but you and I both know it's the truth.

I am so glad you have found comfort in this site.  Please stay with us!

You know what I think stinks???

It just plain out stinks to even have to check up on someone you are married to or in a relationship with.  I never want to feel that way again. If I am ever in a relationship and feel the need to check up, I'll probably go ahead and cut that person off.

I hate that feeling!

Something to be aware of is him trying to turn it around on you.  He may try to flip the discussion around on what you are doing wrong.  It may be hard to keep him on track when he's spiraling down and he knows it.

I think he will also continue with the tears and pity act.

I like the way you think.  I absolutely could not agree more.  Krissmiss told me in another thread (I can't remember her exact words) that society no longer respects or looks to intellectual thinkers but rather who can bring in the business. 

Wow, I can't get over that post.  I like that.

Me too!!!  haha!!  Maybe we can achieve lifetime member status like you can at Weight Watchers (I think it's WW anyway).

I can’t imagine not coming to this site.  If I’m really busy, I like to at least read and keep up with what’s going on with everyone.  I just really can’t imagine ever leaving.

I’ll be a groupie haha!

I know!!!!  I'm thinking maybe the middle of the ocean during a hurricane!!!!

That was hilarious bunny

I started one month with eharmony a while back.  I found that most of the men are ready to settle and marry and I'm only 23 and have no clue what I want, so I cancelled my membership.  I did American Singles and wasn't happy with the quality...and again, I'm 23 and am not looking for marriage as most of those men are. 

I think I just want to find guy friends but they all seem to want more.  Oh well :)

Oh that's right.  Today is the last day.  I'll have to check on it tonight sometime.

I just hope she doens't get into legal trouble.

Please don't feel guilty because you are right.  It is something I had considered myself.  I don't know what kind of job I can get with a Philosophy degree other than continuing and going to law school or something like that.  I'll get a degree in something more practical and general.  I can read philosophy on the side because I do that now already.

If you don't mind my asking, what type of work to do you do now?

AC--

Your story still facinates me.  I actually was telling a friend of mine about it and she logged on to read.  Anyway, my question to you is what are your feelings?  Here's this man who cheated on you, walked out on you, yet would not sign divorce papers, and then calls you when he has terminal cancer and you nurse him 'til his death.  What are your feelings about him now?  Do you regret caring for him?  Do you feel love, hate, resentment? 

Are you in high school or college?

That is so annoying.  Sounds like Bob wanted some attention from the females but isn't quite sure how to get it.  Also sounds like Bob has some insecurity issues.

Something I have noticed about you, Wire, is that you are very mature for being a teenager.  You are wise beyond your years.  You have been through a lot in your life and have a different outlook than most people your age do.  Of course it is going to be frustrating at times to deal with people especially if you are in high school because there seem to be no outlets.

It is hard for teenagers to handle a conversation about sex.  They can have it, watch it, listen to songs about it, but can't seem to have a mature and logical conversation about it.  There isn't anything wrong with two consenting adults having sex or talking about it.  However, I don't think that your peer group can handle it.

So, my advice...if you want to talk about sex, talk about it with us on the board.

What an annoying bus ride.

and for some odd reason I cried!  Maybe I'm just having one of those overly sensitive hormonal days.  Does anyone else watch it?  They make life and love look so complicated, which it is, but then it always has a perfect resolution and they all end up happy.  I know it's just a tv show but it got to me tonight.  Where are our happy endings?  Granted I'm jumping ahead b/c I'm only 23 haha.

I won't ramble if no one else watches, but I was referring to the ending Spiderman scene hahaha!

Do you think the idea of Big Brother and such a large government is part of the Liberal Party's ideals?  Maybe ideals isn't a good word choice, but hopefully you know what I mean :)

If Jude Law is in "I Heart Huckabees", then convince me no further!! 

I have seen "The Grudge".  I think it's inspired after a Japanese film also.  (Could have been the one you were referring to almost renting haha).  It was good but too predictable.

I have to say I could have never in a million years predicted the ending of "Saw".  I'm not into the gorry (sp?) movies, but that one was really good.  I would have never thought the killer was who it turned out to be.

"Seven" freaked me out too. 

Those movies that deal with the human psyche and mental disorders gone mad (not to use the term so lightly, but I couldn't think of a better way to say it) really freak me out.  The human mind can be a scary thing sometimes.

I agree Bunny!

The media has so many commercials about promoting educating your children and talking with children about sex, but how many parents do?  I was very fortunate to have open minded parents who are both very involved in my life.  In fact, the last time I was at their house, a friend of mine from high school joined us for dinner and we all had a few drinks and had very open talks.  My friend couldn't believe that I would drink or talk about certain things in front of my parents.  I realize that I am very blessed to be able to be so open with my parents.

However, I realize I am one of the lucky few.  If it's so inappropriate to discuss it at home or with adults, then naturally, teenagers will turn to their peers which isn't always the best option. 

With the booming porn industry, sex clubs, etc. you would think it wouldn't be so taboo to talk about in regular conversation.

I think the both of you are so wise beyond your years.  I wish 6 or 7 years ago that I would have had a site like this to come to and the knowledge that the two of you have.