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Behind every successful man, there is a woman

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two

women.

TM,

That‘s revenge.  You‘ve now made your husband afraid of you.  Not sure if that‘s a good thing or not.  I certainly wouldn‘t discourage it, know what I mean?!

Sorry gals, I‘m pretty harsh sometimes.

LOL ME!

I did not set out to scare him - I just don‘t know what the frig I‘m going to do. I haven‘t cried, thrown a fit or made a scene (yet) over all this, I have actually been cold as ice, which I think is what scares him the most, cause I am known for my temperament.

I think the fact that I called him a pussy ( I rarely swear when I talk - typing is different lol) for not going to see his daughters competition because he‘s afraid that I will think he might actually physically cheat or because the ex-wife will be there and he will have to deal with her real world? I told him it wasn‘t ABOUT him.. it was about his daughter. If he can‘t keep his dick in his pants for 2 days while being around his ex-wife ( whom he have spend the last 11 years showing nothing but contempt for) then I am better of being a single mom of 3.

Maybe me being this cold will "drive" him to infidelity for real - but I don‘t feel like he can ever blame that on me.

TM

I would LOVE to get a job doing the things I feel pationately for. I‘m self-taught so it‘s harder to get the good jobs, ppl like degrees. I‘m hoping to go back and get me one in graphics design.

I say go for it.

TM

Sorry Lorri I think the guy has a little crush on you. He might be a little lonely but to me it seems a little creepy. I think I would set him straight fast. *shudder*

OH and read the thread about the Wife on Glyp - and I quite...

Sandy56 Member Member # 13946

posted June 17, 2007 03:39 PM                 Oh, I don‘t, but only because I create a very clear boundary -- no romantic/intimate/sex with the wife. Period. And I trust him enough to believe that they haven‘t had sex in about three years now. I know that she‘s noticed too -- but she‘s noticed that she‘s not getting the quick kiss hello after work that he used to give her. He stopped that too, and he told me that she had questioned him about it. I didn‘t make any comments. His choice to abide by my rule or not.

*BOGGLE*

TM

I‘ve been  *gasp* working !  We are in the process of moving. Having to run around and get all paperwork updated ( the military LOVES paperwork.) Hubby tends to forget shit so I‘m doing it on my own, that way I know it‘s done. Besides school is out so I have 3 kids home atm.. lol not enough computer time for me.. *sigh*

This work better?

Sandy56
Member
Member # 13946

  posted June 17, 2007 03:39 PM                 
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Oh, I don‘t, but only because I create a very clear boundary -- no romantic/intimate/sex with the wife.

Period.

And I trust him enough to believe that they haven‘t had sex in about three years now.

I know that she‘s noticed too -- but she‘s noticed that she‘s not getting the quick kiss hello after work that he used to give her. He stopped that too, and he told me that she had questioned him about it.

I didn‘t make any comments. His choice to abide by my rule or not. 

TM

Nope it doesn‘t make you a moron. :) And I doubt you are the only one who couldn‘t figure that out right of the bat. Live and learn  and never feel bad that there are stuff you don‘t know.. yet.. cause if you try you will figure it out and thus have learned something new!

OK, I read the whole thread and I felt bad for you. I am in a way in the same situation as you are. I decided that I‘m going to give it another try. ( hubby didn‘t cheat on my physically but more then flirted with his ex-wife - long sad story). He know WHERE I stand now. He know that I don‘t trust him any further then I can throw him. He knows that the biggest reason I‘m still here is the children. I do love him, but not like I used to. I am working on my anger issues over what happend, I spend many many days and hors being FURIOUS over this. I decided it ain‘t worth me feeling this crappy over shit he did. I DIDN‘T MAKE HIM DO IT! He did that all by himself. He just didnt think I would find out. Heck, he didn‘t think. AT ALL.

Will I stay in this marriage? I don‘t honestly know. I have decided to give it a try. But any hint or sign of  any kind of crap and I‘m out. He is very aware of that.

Noone can "just" forgive being so utterly disrespected as you did. Even if your husband is feeling sorry (for himself too) he still did this. I‘m glad you started some therapy - it will hopefully help.

Hubby said if he could *snap his fingers* and never have written what he wrote he would. BUT what I hear is that if he could *snap his finger* he would have remebered to  close his email account out before going to bed.

Pretending it never happend is not working for me and I doubt it would for you either. But for you to start doing stuff you really like and letting yourself enjoy it is important.

Flyguy pointed it out so perfectly. That other couples "shun" married couples with troubles cause they are afraid it will spread to them.  I think he is totally right. another reason might be that when you told some of these people the backed you up in "trashing" your husband and are worried that he might know.

I, myself personally don‘t like to be social when I‘m feeling low but I force myself to be and I 9 out of 10 times end up having a really good time.

What is your husband doing to help you "get over" this? Is he just expecting that you will just put it behind you because he did? He didn‘t jsut take some kids ball on the playground and then when the kid cried gave it back. He stomped on your heart.

As far as him talking to your children. That is so uncool.

Sorry for the long post.

TM

He he Actually I‘m TAKING time for me :)  Yeah the kids are all over, my house is a mess. Tomorrow I‘m gonna dump all 3 of at hubby‘s office ( he keeps telling me he‘s got nothing to do) and go shopping. muhaha!

And yes, sad to say I get some of my perverted sense of humor tickled pink reading what those whores think.

I don‘t know  WHY there are women (and hell MEN) out there that think  this kind of behavior it ok  - it boggles the crap out of me. I can understand that Henry the VIII had mistresses ( he needed ofsprings and he didn‘t marry for love) but these day? WHO don‘t marry for love? really? WHY would any woman (or man) SETTLE for the crumbs when they can have their own cake?

Cause they can‘t really handle a relationship such as a marriage? Cause it‘s EASIER? I think personally that some of these women ( and men) think they get their cake and eat it too.

I just don‘t know. I just don‘t get it.

TM

What a son-of-a-bitch - can‘t wait for karma to kick this guys ass.

Glad to hear you are out of that relationship - and poor wife. Eww what a piece of shit.

TM

AMEN!

I can understand she needs a friend - BUT if she kows you don‘t want to be her friend because you don‘t trust her - WHY would she want to be best buddies with YOUR husband? Makes no sense at all.. UNLESS everyone else shuns her cause she is a shank?

TM

And your man need to support you.

I understand that you love this guy. But to be in a marriage or more to the point STAYING in a marriage you need more then love. You need trust and respect.

1. you don‘t trust him. He doesn‘t seem to trust you.

2. He doesn‘t respect you enough to tell you the truth.

You feel bad for snooping - You snooped because you gut instinct told you something wasn‘t right. Trust that gut instinct.

Does he past matter? YES. How he have treated women/girls in the past is a guideline as to you he sees women.

The condom issue. Hm. Till you both get tested from A-Z use condoms. Yeah I know in the heat of the moment it sucks having to run around and find one but it beats getting an STD. Out of condoms? hmm hands only stimulation *wink* He started to shave his privates? don‘t see anything wrong with that. However, I would ask him why. If he don‘t want to answer it would be a HUGE red flag.

One thing though - you seem to have a little control issue. I can understand that you don‘t want him to be in contact with x‘s but he should be big enough boy to realise that. His aunt might be bad news ( she sure sounds like it) but some family bonds are weird that way.

Don‘t marry him anytime soon. You will regret it.

TM

What is worse was reading the rest of the relies.. didn‘t anyone notice how many women did this "OUPS" too? WTF are they thinking. !

STUPID STUPID WHORES.

One of them has been on the pill for ever.. so it must have been MEANT for her to become pregnant? F..ing ridicilious. POOR POOR babies.

TM

I recently went thru the girls toys and threw all broken ones out. Then I took 2/3 of the ones they never use and donated them to the thriftshop. They were all mad, but I‘m tired of falling over toy they don‘t even play with.

My hubby grew up with little "stuff" so he loves to spoil the girls - he jsut isn‘t always very good at picking out new "stuff"....

My girls don‘t have a gameboy  or a cube or anyother games like that. They get to play every now and then on my computer on the free Nick Jr website. They also hvea bunch of "educational" games they can play - like Ispy from Scholastic. They don‘t have a TV in their room.

I don‘t know about the whole cell-phone thing. I like the idea that I can keep track on them when they get a little older but I don‘t want them on the phone with their BFF who is right next door. They get limited TV time. I want them to PLAY and preferably outside.

Sigh, guess you can report me too.

TM

HAHAHA

Just what I needed!~

TM

JEBUS Ladies! I feel.......... sick.

Though on the otherhand I‘m glad that old lady is getting her some young meat. Adn that a chick so fat still gets.. um.. head.?

TM

Yeah and a bullet is 25 cents.. not a mere 250 Euro‘s..

TM

Way to go Sunny!

She fucking showed her wedding ring of? Are you kidding me? Dang that!

Can‘t wait for Karma to strike.

TM

Nope wouldn‘t do it. Wouldn‘t date a pot smoking loser either.

At 21 you can have the world at your feet without being someone whore.

TM

It does make sense. I‘m with ME on the whole man-woman whore thing too.

I worked 4 years at a nightclub ( bartender) and the funniest part of the night were when you saw all the whores/sluts ( male and female) getting desperate and take whatever they can get.

TM

Sigh.. Don‘t make you wonder just how many girlfriends and wives that suddenly get so mentally unstable they can‘t live with out a man?

And I still don‘t get it.. WHAT is the fun part of "fooling" around with a taken man? eww.. actually double ewww.

TM

I‘m not a religious person, but for someone to think that God would want them to break on of the 10 commandments and thus endangering the santity of a family is beyond me.

Or can‘t they read? past the 6th commandment? Since  the 7th says " Thou shall not commit adultery". Or the 8th "Thou shall not steal" - heck even the 10th commandment would cover it.. "Thou shall not covet".

You shall not covet your neighbor‘s house;

you shall not covet your neighbor‘s wife,

or his manservant,

or his maidservant

or his ox, or his ass,

or anything that is your neighbor‘s

Exodus 20:17 (RSV)

Maybe if the MM does not live right next door it‘s not covet? According to whore logic?

TM

LOL That was classy! I would have dumped the boxes at the whores frontlawn and set them on fire.

I hope you kick him in the teeth if he comes back begging to be forgiven.

TM

Tell him if he really "needs" more stuff to have his whore buy him some. Bastard.

TM

But Dang it! I like logic!

Most of my stuff and the kids stuff is packed up - having a garagesale Saturday. Haven‘t gotten our orders yet ( was delayed AGAIN).. So I will have to twittle my thumbs and wait patiently.. something I‘m not good at...

TM

I‘m more attracted  to certain hair/eye color combinations then others for sure. My husband and 2 of 3 boyfriends all shared the same color charactaristics blond/blue.

I had one brown/brown and he turned out to be a waste of oxygen. He was a bonified bastard.

However. I think chemistry is more important then looks. No matter how blue a guys eyes are if he doesnt have a brain or personality he would never appear on my "date-radar". Lust does not = Love.

TM

She accuse you cause it is easier then owning up to her own behavior.

She accuse you cause she is a  whore - they apperently think they are blameless and guiltfree. They even have a "code of honor" (I mean that as sarcasticly as humanly possible) of never telling the wife when the affair break up, cause they don‘t want to "hurt" the wife- UTTER Bullshit - they don‘t want to tell the wife cause she might take a baseball bat to the whore face as well as to the cheating spouses balls. If they don‘t want to hurt a wife & a family they will not start or participate in a affair.

Thank you lucky star that you are rid of this piece of shit of a man. I‘m sorry you are hurting. I hope Karma will bite them boht soundly.

TM

If you know what unit he belongs to your laywer can get the information you need. The Military is VERY interested in making sure their "employees" own up to their financial responsibilities. Have your laywer contact the local Jag office for the base/post his unit belongs too.

GL and what a bastard.

TM

Hehe I bet your husband is upset.. and his lame ass whore too. They should be.

They both wear a public internet acessable letter A on their foreheads.

I hope you decide to get rid of him and as for punching the whore? Yeah I can understand that, but honestly, she ain‘t worth it. She is a piece of shit - who wants to touch that? I hope Karma has something good in store for those two. Claims they are engaged? Retarded whore.

TM

Yeah I have lived 9 years of "hurry up & wait" - It still drives me nuts.

TM

ROFLMAO

Read this one....

Geminimama
Member
Member # 10588

  posted June 28, 2007 05:37 PM                 
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I have the pleasure of working with my xmm. So I find it very amazing how after 2 years-were done......and he‘s happy and joking around with the guys and just totally normal and I‘m sad, hurt, feel like I‘m gonna cry and like my chest is caving in. Wow!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sigh

TM

That would weird me out. The whole teen-bobber pron I find ofensive. If he NEEDS it to get off there is something not quite right with him.

And WTH is wrong with an ADULT womans body?

He might have given some away but I doubt he is going to stop looking at that kind of porn. I guess the ball is in your court now. Do you want to allow it in your realtionship or move on. To be honest teen-hardcore porn would be a dealbreaker for me.

TM

I‘m with Sunny,  Brandon Fraser.. Hot man. Seems like such a no-nonsens & no-drama kinda guy. Orlando Bloom is gorgeous and Johnny Depp is yummy..

TM

Or........ let your man work hard to find your G-spot.

If you like getting eaten.. I see no problem - you can always start out with vaginal sex and then move on to oral. 69 is a thing very few men would say no to :)

TM

Poor baby - poor parents.

I wish all these sicko‘s who abuse kids would jsut drop dead - all of them at once.

TM

LOL

Best place:  in a cropcircle at night full of stars :) Was good.

On the front lawn in the rain at my BF family‘s week-end house. I had grass in my ass and my skin was green LOL

On an Airplane - wasn‘t really all that.. had to hurry lol and it‘s so crammed.

TM

I just don‘t get it why they want to do this to themselves. I really don‘t get it.

TM

OK wiping the droll of my keyboard. Whenever the girls want to watch George of the Jungle I‘m right there watching too - oh my oh my.

He ain‘t bad in the Mummy either..

Sean Connery and Jeames Earl Jones have two of the best voices.. man sexah vocal cords there.

TM

I‘m glad it went well with your MIL - The ladies that had the now ex-hubby‘s to break it to the children I say wow. In a way I find that I would like the be the one to be in control of that conversation but.. on the other hand the dad should OWN up to his behavior.

So ladies

TM

Sounds to me like she was hoping he‘d spend some of his money on her.. lol dum bitch.. Ahhh Karma!

TM

YAY Hillery.

I‘m glad you feel impowered and strong enough to move to a divorce so fast. And I‘m glad you have such a great attorney. Just do your best to help your daughter without talking down about your soon-to-be Ex. She seems like a smart cookie though.

TM

Best of all Hillery - Get over him and get happy.

Don‘t think there would be a better revenge then for him to see you looking GREAT & HAPPY ( ofcourse) and him being misserable cause the whore is cheating on him... LMAO

I agree with the senitment that if he doesn‘t love you why stay with him. That was one of the things we discussed a LOT. I will not live with a man I don‘t love and that doesn‘t love me. He still loves me and I still love him - but I resent him a lot lately and myself too, so who know. It might help once we get all this moving out of the way. Hopefully we will be closer to my family and that might help me put everything in perspective.

Best of luck and I hope the attorney will make it swift and sweet.

I do wish that adultery had more of an impact on a divorce these days. That the cheating spouse get an extra " legal whack" maybe even the woman/man he cheated with too - that it had legal ramafications to be unfaithful. I don‘t think it would stop adultery but maybe.. just maybe someone might stop and think.

I do believe that you should ( if you possible can) add HER name for the reason for divorce. I don‘t know if that is done everywhere - but I have a friend who is going thru a divorce right now and she wants the whore‘s name  mentioned as the reason for the divorce. Her name will forever be in these open legal court documents STAMPED with the scarlet letter A - as the whore she is. I found that utterly beautiful. Think about it... when the ex-husband wants to remarry he needs a copy of his divorce decree.. and lo & behold...... the name of the ho he cheated will be on it.

Anyways.. Best of luck to ya - glad you have a good attorney.

TM

Hopeless. I agree 100%

Don‘t appologize for anything. You had a gut feeling and you went with it. It turned out to be true. You got proof. Yes you dug in his computer to get it, never the less - he got caught.

You said he had anger issues too.. I‘d count my lucky star  that you found out now. Move on. You can do better girl.

You should be the one he will always regret having lost.

Good Luck!

TM

Kim,

I never understand why people think the sentance: "I love you" will make everything alright. Specially when they so disrespect another human being. That just can‘t be love.

I read your story and all I can say is. Good for you that you left him, now stay the hell away from that looser - you can do so much better.

We all do stupid stuff - not always sure why we do it. I hope you have learned not to take shit from anyone ever again. 5 years wasted on a man like that. I‘m sorry Kim - I hope you will find happiness with someone who treats you like you deserve = with respect and love.

I wish you well.

TM

Like you have any idea of what it‘s like to be in a marriage or even real relationship that is just sad.. sorry you are sad.. Thinking that you can post your judgement here. Like any of these woman have any respect for your oppinion as it is. You have no morals.. go home you waste of time.

End of story.

ROFL Bluesparrow

TM

Out of 4 relationships (from 19-38) I have dated 1 really good guy -1 good guy with a lot of faults - one wildcard and one absolute bastard, who pretended to be a good guy but was anything but.

The one who was the wildcard was indeed a good man, just not the right man for me long term.

For the most part I have chosen men I thought were good guys. I don‘t like playing games. I took a long time getting to know them before jumping into a relationship involving more then going out together.

Working in a nightclub in my 20‘s I got a lot of offers from men, who was most likely in the "fun yet still a bastard" category. I turned them all down.

Women who like a man to treat them like shit I don‘t truely understand. Men who thinks they have to treat a woman like shit to get her respect I don‘t get either.

Unfortunately I see it often - specially in the younger women - they want a man who is all that and a bag of chips - even if he is a piece of shit. Or they want the guy who is a serial dater - man-whore if you wish -they think cause he sleeps around he‘s got to be a good lover and interesting person. Sad but true.

TM

It‘s hard to say this as well. It was her choice. She might think it‘s LOVE and he thinks she is a meal-ticket to a Green-card. Unless SHE decides to divorce him and report him there really isn‘t much you can do unless you know him to be violent or criminal.

I know a lady, who works where I volunteer, who married this guy from Somalia ( Africa) after talking to him over the internet for a few months. They have nothing in common - she lives in the living room he more or less "owns" the rest fo their house. She pays for everything while he takes classes ( that she pays for too). There is no sex or intimacy as he calls her dirty for not being a muslim.. yet he married her..? +boggle+

She just so badly wanted to be married. I know there are a LOT of people who are telling her to divorce his but so he can get send home. I think he‘s been here 1 year. Yet she seems to think he will grow to love her.

She works 3 jobs to make money. He sends home a good amount of "basically" her money.

I don‘t get it AT ALL. I know one of the guy at the office asked her if she got paid to stay married for 3-5 years and she got really upset that someone might think that, so I‘m pretty sure it‘s not for the money.

We all hope she will wake up and smell reality.

I‘m sorry for your friend - be there for her.

TM

Fifi - my advice is to use Gloryb as comic relief - nothing more.

Though I agree with you. It is depressing.

What I find so hard to accept is that a lot of these women ( married or not) cheat with such ease. It seems like they can justify it with " oh but we LOVE each other"  or "We are soulmates" bullshit.

Another thing I wonder is this.. IF their married man ( I refuse to use their whore-terms) divorce the horrible and evil wife and marry the whore ( or mistress) what will they do/think once he starts to cheat on them?  Do they really believe that he won‘t?

Sigh.

TM

Nope I don‘t think ALL men ( and women) cheat. However I think there a lot of men (and women) are more  susceptible to needing their ego stroked. Like Fifi said - to feel like a stud. And woman who wants to be desireable to everyone.

Look at Britney Spears, she is a prime example. She is young fairly pretty girl who just popped out 2 kids in a short period of time. She used to be a "sex-symbol" know for her looks - her body - her music. Now she is a mom - a former hottie - former star. Why do you think she ran around with Stupid ( Paris Hilton) flaunting her privates? TO GET ATTENTION - to feel sexy again. Obviously her man was to busy to make her feel that way. Did it work? Sure did - how many millions saw her privates plastered all over the gosip papers/internet... It WAS the wrong kind of attention - JUST like adultery is.. but some people are desperate.

And Yasmine hit it on the head as well. If you seem to ONLY run into men that treat you in a certain way, look and examine yourself. Unfortunately we all make a lot of choices that we don‘t really examine afterwards. Like what the heck did I  see in that guy? Why did I let him treat me like this?

I still say no, not all men ( women ) cheat.

I think it was chris rock who said something like men are only as faithful as their options.  so yes a poor ugly man may be faithful but if he was rich and good looking would he still be?

Just cause a guy is poor doesn‘t mean he can‘t/won‘t cheat.. I see a lot of deadbeat men on the Rate-a-guy.

TM

It‘s hard. You have to do what is right for you. Making the desicion to be a single mom or not is tough on a woman - body - mind and soul. Being a single mom is tough for sure. Going thru with a abortion is tough too.

First off, I want to say this. If you choose to have the child be sure that he will NOT come back to be the dad. He just don‘t seem the type. Be prepared to do this on your own (  and with the help of you friends and family).

Look up information about childsupport. He might want to claim he is not the dad once the baby is here. So know how to get help with paternity too. ( He will have to pay for the test if he is proved the father).  Know that you will not receive any money till the paperwork has gone thru a lot of hands. Financially you are on your own for a while. Depending on what kind of a job ( if he has one) you will get $x in childsupport. It will never cover the 1/2 costs of what you will need. So whatever you do be prepared. 

I‘m sorry you are in this situation.

Best of luck,

TM

I‘d sit hom down and have a quiet talk. Though that might not happen at all, cause he seems to try and pick fights with you. Tell him how his behavior affects you. If he throws a "fit" or tell you that you are making stuff up or seeing stuff that aren‘t there , then you know something is up.

Sorry

TM

He might be a very different man around his wife. If they have stayed together for 30 years she might not know about this.. or she choose not to acknowledge it.  I still say if you feel like you should warn other OW‘s or potential OW‘s against him.. you should at least have the decency to tell the wife. Or does the fact that she is married to him means any OW can screw her over?

I hope you at least learned from this mess to stay away from married men. Those married men who likes to have women on the side are liars and cheats.. they are not going to treat the OW with any more respect and love then they apperently give to their wife.

I hope you will learn that you should want to have a WHOLE man to be in a relationship with, not just sloppy seconds.

His wife could be paralysed from the neck down, but that should never be an excuse for him to cheat on her or for any women to "feel" sorry for him and spread the legs.

I think it‘s a good thing you posted him on RATE-A-GUY - he deseves that.

Put your energy into putting him in the past and work on yourself. You need to believe you deserve better.

TM

As far as "things" go Here is my suggestion. Start in one room and write down what you WANT to keep/sell/give him. Do that for all rooms in your house.

If you still have paperwork from when you inherited the lamps and other family heirlooms make copies for the attorney.

You daughter "might" be old enough to be asked who she wants to live with. To be honest, I‘d got for full custody with visitations. However I would talk to your daughter about that. She might not want to visit with him AT ALL right now, but she might in the furture. Give her the choice. Make sure the attorney knows her wishes.

Like Fifi suggested - make a list of monthly expenses too.

Creditcard debt - any other debt too.

As far as your hubby not wanting a divorce.. well tough shit for him. He decided to cheat. He made his bed now he will, by God, lie in it.

I‘m glad your are going strong and working on moving on with the rest of your life.

Good luck!

TM

Yup got those a LOT too after hubby decided that it was "best" for him not to go see his daugther and ex-wife at the daughter sports event. I feel sorry for his daughter that he was so scared of what I might do while he was gone - or how "hard" it might be for him to keep his dick in his pants with him and his ex-wife watching the daughter.

But I digress.. I got a lot of phone calls like this:

"oh is this Penny‘s  or a private number ?"( As in the store )

And I would say you damn well know this is a private number, I suggest you don‘t call back.. ever.

I would get others where same lady ( or ladies with same sounding voices) would ask for Melanie - Rachel - Ruth the list is long. I told them everytime that hubby wasn‘t home but I could leave a message. they then hung up on me when I asked what name to leave...

It didn‘t stop. I tried to *69 but they were anonymous. So I called my phone company and got all anon numbers blocked and you know what? never got a weirdo call after that. Unless you count the few charity collections we have done over the years.

I think? I pay $1-2 a month for this service.. I really can‘t recall. I don‘t really care it‘s worth it.

Good luck Hillary.

TM

Personally I‘d go with a voiceactivated recorder - however I have a Fisher-Price baby monitor ( older model - maybe 10 years old now?) and I can pick up my neighbors cell phone converstations at times, so I moved it cause I don‘t want to pry. The quality of the sound on teh baby monitor is NOT very good either.

TM

Men do not like when they can‘t satisfy a woman. End of story.

I don‘t however believe that as an excuse. Adultfinder will not help him find ways to pleasure you. There are TONS of sites out there however that will.

My suggestion.. cut down on the sex. Say no if you dont feel like sex. I think 9-10 times my hubby didn‘t make me hit climax was when it was an "allrighty then lets do it kinda sex". When he don‘t take the time to "warm" me up I won‘t get a "happy ending" unless I do it myself.

I say quality over quantity too.

TM

Roflmao - this has got to be one of the funnier threads lately.

I do find it funny that he was sooooo worried about the ex-GF mental state that he wuoldn‘t post his side, but he would rant and rave about having his name posted on Rate-a-guy.

TOO Funny!

Kitty is right........ to a point.....

There are women out there who will do anything to get even.I don‘t think that makes them mental.

I have showed hubby this webiste and I told him I will not hesitate to post him if he ever side steps again. Even if all he does is "e-mail flirt" with his ex-wife or so other woman. ( email-flirt was his decription of his own actions) It would be my second step. First step would be divorce.

Ring my bell.. Good times. Shaka Kahn and Rufus is my kind sound from the past..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfqqIaLEDT0

TM

You ask who‘s to say who‘s off limits. YOUR morals should tell you that. You should know the 10 commandments EVEN if you aren‘t religious, because they are still very valid moral codes that when understood and lived by makes society as a whole more healthy. No matter what religion you believe in they are valid. Even if you are not religious they do make really good sense.

How can a guy be perfect if he is already in a relationship with someone else? *boggle* Yeah I‘m another of the OLD ladies on here who can not understand why you would want someone elses sloppy seconds.

From your other post I‘m guessing that this is the fella that dumped you pregnant and barefoot - like he for a few months dumped his other baby-mama to mess around with you.. Then went back to her.WOW he sure sounds like a winner.. *sarcasm off*

If you DO have a degree.. You should take some time and examine yourself. Find out why you are willing to "settle" for anything less them your own man.

Calling women on here weak is downright pathetic. You didn‘t like what the women had to say so you attackted them, even if you don‘t know anything about their life and story.

Saying that a wife is not fullfilling her duty or her man and that is why he cheats is again a low blow. You know nothing about commitment or marriage OBVIOUSLY. Come back when you have been married ( to the same guy for 10-15-20 years).

If you want a bunch of women cheering you on while you do self-destructive behavior, you really should sign up for gloryb.com - that is where all the proud OW hang out.

TM

Congrats on the new house! Hopefully you will now live further away from that neighbor? PMS or not I honestly wouldn‘t buy a used vacuum.. You just never know what they have vacuumed up with it.. *shudder*

I drive my hubby nuts cause EVERYtime we move I buy a new vacuum.. LOL

TM

Well if he cheated on you - then tough on him when he comes to pick up his crap. He should be happy that you didnt put them out on the front lawn and set them on fire. Hell, he should be grateful.

Good luck.

I hope your friend will learn that she sooo deserve a better man then the guys she seems to pick out.

TM

I‘m sorry he turned out to be a prick. But I‘m glad you listend to your gut instincts and walked out of there. He can tell EVERYONE that they never slept together until you walked out.. but it really doesn‘t matter.

He decided to walk out on the two of you way before that when he struck up a friendship. Now men and women can be friends - I have a good number of male friends, but I don‘t go out to dinner with them or hide their phonenumbers.. They are just my friends.

It is funny that he and she don‘t like each other anymore, but not really uncommon. He knows what he lost.. and he *stupid man* blames her more then himself.

Good luck with everything. I hope you will find happiness.

TM

I‘d never take that kid anywhere again.

TM

Smart girl, Hillary!

So if this guy( from this post) who left his GF for you is long gone - do you see yourself repeating a pattern at all?

From the other post about you being left pregnant for a guy who ALSO happend to have left his baby-mama can‘t you see you are in a viscious circle of self destruction? You date loosers. And even worse attatched loosers. You should start telling yourself you can do better - that you in fact deserve better.

If you decide to keep the baby and be a single mom, you responsibilities towards what you teach your child is HUGE.

Morals - respect - selfworth - love are some of the most important lessons we can hope to learn and pass on.

TM

I‘m so sorry that your hubby pulled this kind of crap on you. I hope that you move on - get a divorce and find happiness. It really can happen.

You have not been replaced. It‘s sorta like taking a cubic Zirkonia and sticking it a Tifany ring and try and call it a diamond. It just... doesn‘t work.

I can understand how you feel though. First off you need to focus on you. You found a new job and a new place to call home. Next I suggest a laywer/attorney and start on the divorce. Truely move on.

I don‘t think your daughter will start to look up to this woman at all. She might not want to rock the boat, but sooner or later I think she will in her own way.

You think your hubby is happy? Hell no, he knows what he did to you. He knows he‘s on borrowed time before Karma will come slap him in the face.

You deserve to be happy. Work on that. You can be perfectly happy on your own. Your kids are still YOUR children - whore or no whore living in your house.

Best of luck!

TM

What a cute little yapper!

I‘m more partial to cats. Don‘t have to walk them or scoop poo when out for walk.. lol

TM

Your husband is not a bad man for wanting to live out a fantasy. However he needs to respect you  and the fact that you might NOT have the same fantasy. 

My husband suggested this too a while ago and he got the same answer you should give ya husband.. Hell no. We did talk about the complications and I brought up the whole fact that he is a jealous man as it is.. what if.. The other man did a better job? was bigger ? more attractive? funnier? the list is long. Looking back I‘m glad cause I know he would have used it as an excuse to do whatever he wanted outside the marriage.

There is nothing wrong with NOT living out every single fantasy we all have.

Best of luck

TM

I think it depends on his carrier. A lot of them provide an online billing and viewing if said bill.

TM

That would freak me out too..

ROFLMAO that is just..... sick.

Sigh... You all really believe this garbage? He claims to have 3 successful/intelligent women as lovers.. Yeah right.. unless.... They are just having him around for the days the batteries run low in their dildos..

Touchy.. A lot of woman can‘t handle the truth and honesty? WTF that statement made no sense. It‘s not like the "truth" is that black and white. What kind of "truth" are MOST woman afraid of? just curious.

For Red, you want to be a "player" cause you think that it makes you powerful, but sadly you are rather pathectic. I have worked in nightclub I have seen TRUE players, you ain‘t one. Not that I have much respect for the whole "player thing" either. The whole lets see how many notches I can cut in my bed post tonight is not not very impressive.

I‘m sure you are honest about most of your stuff.. But from your blog it‘s pretty obvious that your mom and rest of your family has had a very weird influence on you. No wonder you are a tad fucked up.

TM

Right on Fifi.. More correctly RED don‘t have any children.. please we don‘t need more fucked up people on the world.

You might think NOW that you Don‘t care about being alone when you get older.. TRUST me been there thought that. It‘s not an original thought for young people to have. Heck, to a degree I think I could do just fine being on my own - which I actually am everytime my husband deploys to the worlds warzones. I am pretty sure I would do jsut fine being single. However - for the most part my husband isn‘t just that. He is also one of my bestest friends, he‘s funny, we share a million interests, we can debate till the morning dawn and not agree, I used to be able to just lay there and watch him sleep. With that being said. IF he ever stepped over the bounds we BOTH agreed to when we married - I rather be single cause any respect I have left for him would vanish. It‘s EASY as HECK to be a cheater but being a real partner takes work.

Your friend ( the 60 year old one) doesn‘t have a 25 year old girlfriend - he has a by-weekly or however often prostitute. I to a degree don‘t think there is anything wrong with that, even old pigs need to dip in the mudd every now and then. If he is still married then I hope his wife don‘t touch him in the "biblical" sense cause who knows what kinda nice little STD‘s that can entail. However, WHY do you think he has a young woman to fuck? Cause he‘s

1. horny

2. Tired of doing it himself.

3. He has tasted age and mortality and there for fucks a younger woman - it‘s so classical it‘s not even funny.

I think it‘s sad that you have so little regard for yourself. I know people who are single and ok with it. You Red are not one of them, or you wouldn‘t so readily chase woman to add to your "collection".

The only problem I have with your life style is the dishonesty. It‘s going to come back and haunt you. 

I don‘t think anything we say to your here has any meaning to you,cause you are jsut playing your sad game. Pretending to care.

TM

 too funny!

TM

I remember seeing an art exhibiton with turn of the century "dirty" postcards - How different porn was then. One of the favorite poses were the fully dressed woman showing of her  *GASP* naked calf and part theigh.

Now everthing has to involve a disgusting aree of gadgets, animals, underaged women for people to get excited.

TM

Too Funny, he thought he could HELP women on here with his immense cheater wisdom?  -He‘d be better of at GloryB with the rest of the skanks..

I think he got his feeling hurt cause woman here didn‘t fall to their knees to thank him for his knowledge. Like any one here gives a SHIT why HE cheats ?! You can‘t just generalize cheater like that. Would be nice though, cause then all we had to do was listen to oracles like Red and noone would EVER have another chanting man/woman in their life.. NOT..

Chaos I expected you to have more fun with this guy - I‘m disapointed :P

TM

YES! I‘m a flirt to a degree. And not as much as I used to be when I was single. My husband has a very good friend that he hangs out with a lot. He always flirt with me (right in front of everyone) -every now and then he gets it right back and 99% of the time my husband just laughs his ass off.

 My husband is a flirt - the kind of guy who will help any damsel who can‘t put a dollar bill in teh soda machine to save her life, to the lady trying to life her newbought TV onto her truckbed. He loves taking any of our kids with us and then report when he gets home just how many woman hit on him..

It doesn‘t bother me and I know when it comes to his buddy it doesn‘t bother him. YES I asked. He think it‘s funny to see his friend "take a hit".

HOWEVER I would NEVER cheat. Just cause I am friendly, chatty and love a good verbal tease ( again not sexual) doesn‘t mean I‘d want to jump someones bones.

There are many little red flags in your posts. So many years you have accepted her and her behavior, now you don‘t - what happend?

Did that makse sense?

TM

Uh take me with you I could REALLY use a vacation.. :)

Enjoy it Hillary.

TM

ROFL so evil~ I like it!

KitKat

What a piece of shit. You are sooo much better of without him. Don‘t waste anymore time on him, except if you need a 2 min feelgood then call him and dump his ass don‘t let him say a thing. Just tell him never call me - never text me cause I think you are a sad piece of shit and you aren‘t worthy of me.. then hang up and move on.

TM

I have some friends that have an open marriage - she is bi and does women on the side he is straight and do women too. They have been married 16 years and I don‘t get it.

They don‘t seem to be jealous of each other and seem to genuine love each other - but I don‘t get it. However it‘s not for me to judge. Only thing I can say it I would not accept this in a marriage.

What you have to do is look at yourself and figure out where your limits are. Honestly divorce is not such a bad thing.. certainly not compared to be treated as a friend and a doormat with a hole in it.. he pokes a few times a week.

Think on this. EVERY person your man sleeps with, YOU in a sense sleep with too. What ever nasty stuff he might accidently run into he might bring home. Lovely.

I hope you find what‘s right for you.

TM

 ME! That‘s the spirit!

To the OP.. Yikes - that is 10 LONG years I bet. I agree with all the ladies that says stop wasting any more time on him unless he can stay sober. Even then.. he might just not be worth it. You shouldn‘t settle for a drunk.. and CERTAINLY not for a cheating whoring drunk either.

Be strong - let someone else "take care of him" won‘t last long.

TM

I understand why you don‘t want to tell her. People rather shoot the messenger at times. You could go to the local library and mail it from there.

I‘m sorry.

TM

I tend to agree with ME on this one. You WILL know when you get there if there had been anything going on. Unless your husband is stupid I‘d bet on him not having done anything wrong.

oh yeah and .. Men and women can be friends even if they aren‘t gay nor ugly. :P

Just a little nasty story from the military that you will never hear in the news....

We are military too and on hubby‘s lastest deployment there were 3 female soliders who "turned tricks" with the male soldiers for 20-50$ a pop disgusting eh? of these females  2 were married btw.. and from what hubby told me most of the guys who did it .. were too.  Those female soldiers all 3 got sent home ( one due to being pregnant..) no actions were taken toward the male nor female soldiers...

And for the graduation ball - LOOK hot! Be polite to the woman but unless you feel like it don‘t be overly friendly.

GL

TM

My thoughts,

You liked the attention - you liked the sex. You didn‘t give a damn about his wife, nor did he - at least not while you were at it.

You SHOULD have walked away - but hindsight is useless.

You should have turned him down. You to a point brought yourself in the position to do the deed. You stayed with a married man after a party when all others left. Even something you consider innocent ( I still don‘t get the sleeping next to each other thing.. but hey..) Sleeping next to someone elses man is not innocent - unless you are stuck under an avalance for hours, then it‘s pretty sensible.

You can blame alcohol, but that don‘t fly with me.

You WANT to see him again.. you WANT to have sex with him again.. that is my thoughts as to WHY you feel a need to talk to him over what happend. What happend is pretty simple.. you fucked someones elses husband. You became the OW even if it was just for 1 night.

My advice. Look deep into yourself. Figure out WHY you did what you did and mostly why you think it was ok or ok enough to do. Figure out what you moral code is and stick to it.

WHY would you want to sleep with a man you obviously knew was married?

Because you heard rumors that his marriage isn‘t good is that to help yourself with the guilt?  If his marriage sucks he should be either leaving it or working on it, not fuck whomever is conviently there.

I can‘t tell you what to do. That isn‘t my place. You obviously know what you did was wrong even if you try and make up excuses for the both of you.

I‘m sorry you had so little selfcontrol and maybe selfesteem.

Best of luck to you and I hope you find a path in life that does not include adultery, lies, deciet and disrespect.

TM

Yasmina made an exelent point.

When we are in a vunerable place we attract the WRONG kind of people.  The ones that want to fill our lives with drama.. THAT is soooooo true.

Hopefully she will ignore you from now on. Saying :"NO, lady I can‘t do that, it goes against my beliefs and my moral grain. Don‘t try and convince me anything good would come of it."

Good for you to stick to your gun, who want to be a guinneypig ? There are just so many reason as to WHY not to do it.

Good luck,

TM

 That is the first step on your journey. Forget about the whore.. she ain‘t worth the time. Concentrate on the important stuff.. like.. YOU!

Good luck to you!

TM

THAT is the way to do it!~

His e-mail is NOT an apology - glad you saw thru it. Even his reply to your reply was again an attempt to put you down.. "So much anger that was bigger then him.."

Not that he wasn‘t partly right, cause I‘m sure after that many years in an abusive relationship you carry a lot of emotional baggage. But the fact that you bluntly told him to F off was I think a big surprise to him. He thought all he had to do was back peddle and he would get his cake and eat it too.

Just remember.. DON‘T feel tempted at all to talk/mail/IM/Text him again.. Maybe he thought he was such a young stud you would do anything to keep him.. sad pathetic prick!

Good luck and Well done girl~

TM

First of. It could be his friend. Here is my reason. The date of birth and the wife/kids thing could be used by the friend - a lot of women who don‘t care who they screw around with prefer a married man cause he has more to loose then a single guy, so will be more careful and will not try to initialte a "real" relationship.

The fact that his picture is one one of the sites.. shows that it most likely was him. All those tears were for show and was tears not becuase you acused him, but because he got caught.. REDHANDED.

I‘m so sorry, cheater will lie, deciet even when hit with hard evidence.

Good luck,

TM

Yeah or the time I stumbled and landed on his dick..

TM

I have very little respect for married people who cheat - but none for the single ones who fuck married people. YEAH the married cheater would fuck someone regardless, but WHY be THAT ONE?

 congrats!

TM

How utterly sickning and disgusting. 20 priors and 20 slap on the hands.. All states should have 3 strikes you are out.

How a "common" burgerly can escalade to such a horrible degree is also so beoynd me.

The world get smaller but more scary every single day.

Chaos I agree with you on not watching the news. I one evening had the living room to myself and watched "To catch an online predetor" and I threw up. I was so sickend.

My heart goes out to the father - the anguish,sorrow and pain he will have to deal with the rest of his life.

I hope the perpetraders gets a long slow very painful death and that they know that will only be the start of their pain and suffering for all eternity.

 TM

Hmm..

I have some single friends who "date"  - apperently you can "date"  several people at the same time these days, if you just call it casual dating.

I think Touchy is partly right,

Some men date to get sex - some women too.

Some men date to find a potential mate - some women do too.

I just don‘t think it‘s that simple. Mostly cause people aren‘t honest about WHY they date, WHO they really are ect.

I read a article about dating and this doctor said, take 4 months at least to get to know the person if you are looking for a potetial mate. And spend at least 1 year before engagement/marriage. Most because most people put their best foot forward and are on their best behavior the first few weeks/months but around 4 months their real personality comes out.

If I was single right now, I would enjoy NOT dating. To just  be ME ( well and the kids).

TM

Yikes I have to deal with this too. The ex-wife has decided that she wants their daughter to attend some expensive school in hope of getting her a sports scolarship - she wants us to fork out 1$000 per MONTH for this.. she already get $900 a month. Said she will sue if we don‘t pay up.. We don‘t have $1000 extra lying around so I told her :" Sue us.. please" She won‘t have a snowballs chance in Hell to MAKE us pay.

( the school fee is not $2000 a month btw is closer to $450 I believe.)

I think it‘s her lashing out cause she is pissed of that hubby blew her off asfter I caught his and her nasty emails.

I hope Karma will bite the Ex-wife and my hubby‘s Exwife in the ass soon.

TM

Contacting or talking to this man again is pointless. She will not move on or learn from it by talking to him. More then likely she will sleep with him again. Even if she didn‘t mean or plan to.

Just my thoughts,

TM

Amen!

I agree with Sunny. If he thinks you are beneath him why do YOU want to be with him?

I see nothing wrong with a bi-weekly - guys/girls night out per say. But I find it really suspicious that he have a need for them now.

Not to sound like a judgemental person. BUT  I do believe a couple should share the same religion/beliefs to be successful in the long run.

TM

Aww Lorrie what‘s up?

TM

I‘m not dating either but I don‘t care one fiddle for his "wisdom" it gave me absolutely no insight into men. It gave me a glimpe of what this guy thinks he is or wants to be.

He‘s pretty much a sad excuse for a man.

I‘m sure he isn‘t the only man thinking like this - again I don‘t give a shit. Validating men like this - even taking time to study them would just make me feel dirty and sick. Sort of stirring a dogshit with a stick.. wth would the purpose be?

None.

If you want to learn how to find mister right this guys behavior will NOT help you one bit..

"quote"After I became pregnant,Mr. V turned into this man.  His attempts to force me into an abortion included telling me every bad thing he had done to me.  He even went as far as telling me his married gf was pregnant with his child also.  That was a nice blow......he always told me she liked him but he would never have anything to do with her because he didn‘t want to be "that guy".  Well...he was "that guy" and a whole lot more..........

Sad thing is.. He WAY that guy all along. He didn‘t TURN into That guy. He just fooled you in the beginning.

That is what I think.

TM

Count your blessing :) You might feel rejected right now, but him fucking around is not really about you, it‘s about him and his lack of morals.

She could have been 40 and hot and still it wouldn‘t be about you.. or even her. He lacks the sense of what a relationships is about, even a long-distance one.

Can you imagine you moving down there, living with a man that has no respect for you?

Count your blessings girl - you actually just got lucky!

TM

This my friends is one of the reasons I deleted my MYSpace. The world is full psycko‘s but most of them hide it well, in MYSpace world they don‘t even bother because they hide behind a computer and thinks they can get away with it.

No, I‘m not saying that if you have a MySpace account you are a psyco *tongue in cheek* I‘m saying you are EXPOSING yourself to them in hordes.

Most young women and even us older ones have been taught from early childhood to be polite, so we are. That is one of the reason people add each other to their website. Only to find that these men/women are really dangerous individuals that they have let in the door.

I wanted to use my MYSpace to have family and friends up to date with the kids,life, you know the works. But since I had very little knowledge of the whole building and running a MySpace account, I soon got invitations and requests from mostly men in the nearby towns - some with really sleezy sexual exchange suggestions and offers. I was SO happy that I had NOT posted pictures of my girls, there was just one of me. I promtly copied the requests and delted my account and forwarded the requests, I had gotten, in the box you have to fill out when you delete your page. I NEVER got an answer from MYSpace or even a comment.

I learned my lesson. I now upload my family pictures to a photosite and have given the login name and PW to those I WISH to have access. I would LOVE to make pretty layout and stuff like that for family to look at, but I will NOT share with psycko‘s.

I‘m sorry this creep scared this girl so bad that she gave her account info and he deleted the RATE-THIS-GUY he truely belonged in there. Preferably with a big fat tattoo on his forehead saying stay away from this sick racist bastard.

TM

shally wrote:

Are they not called boy toys anymore...Gosh I‘m old....

LOL I‘m with you Shally.

TM

 congratulations !

Still waiting on getting the new dutystation. Had to unpack some stuff since I got tired of living half in boxes half out. Ah the military policy of "Hurry up & wait!" really drives me nuts.

TM

Funny that was my thoughts precisely.. I wouldn‘t want to touch him with a ten foot pole - even if he could lick his own eyebrows and was hung to his knees.

And EX is an EX for a reason. The reason he is YOUR ex is the fact that he apperently had no respect for you and only think with his prick. So you did the most sensible thing, you divorced his ass. Why oh why would you even let him touch you? You know what kind of bastard he is. Yeah we all do stupid shit.

Should you tell the new wife? That depends mostly on the reason as to WHY do you want to tell her. You want to tell her to get rid of some guilt? You feel she should be informed so she can make a choice about her future? Or you want to tell her to get back at him?

Like someone else said, you have done enough harm. Most likely if he hadn‘t fucked you it would have been someone else. The man can‘t keep it in his pants.

Like I told the other woman.. I can‘t tell you what to do. But I hope you start to have more self-respect and control. You are not ONLY hurting his new wife you are damaging yourself as well. I understand yo uhave a child together so totally cutting of communication might not be possible, but don‘t allow yourself to be alone with him if you don‘t think you can handle it. And grow a backbone hun. He is going to try and use you as best as HE can - it‘s not like he gives a shit about you or your fellings.

Secondly. Spend some time to discover what you believe is YOUR moral code - your sense of right & wrong, your set of ethics. And ........ this is the easy part.. LIVE BY THEM.

Best of luck

TM

 Ah the proverbial geek & pillow

Thanks for the giggle!

TM

I think the $2000 was just a number she flung out there. She all of a sudden developed these new idea of stuff WE should be paying for. ( They have been divorved since 92-93 ) I think she realised that once the kids hit 18 we will provide the KIDS with money for tuition and the likes but no to her.

And why would you be considered to be in contempt? Has she filed yet?

TM

Hmm for the most part I can be quite the bitch, but I don‘t know about posting her pictures. What good will it do you?

Yeah I said it.. In circumstances like this you have to think of YOU and your kids first.  IS he worth it? I mean really worth all this trouble?

And I agree I rather be single then be a grown mans "mom/cop"

TM

I‘m guessing new guy figured this would be a place where the most women saw/read his post.

TM

As far as cheating. Why do people do it? They lack something in themselves that they think they can get by having sex with another person, or by starting another emotional relationship with multiple persons. Maybe they don‘t feel fullfilled in certain need departments and feel a "right" to get them fullfilled outside of a marriage.

I think it comes down to a few important things. Values, moral, ethics, love and respect.

Some men ( and women) thinks that the more partner they have the better they are, the more popular. That usually something thye later grow out of when they start to develope their own personality. However some never really do.

Some have been thru some horrible things in childhood and are later on "punishing" themselves for anything good that comes in their lives.

Some people are ruled by their genitals and believe they are soooo sexually liberated.

Some have serious addictions or mental issues, but refuse to see it.

You see?

There is no simple answer as to why people do stupid  & hurtful stuff such as cheat.

Your wife is in denial - the fact that her family NOW tells you that she was always a bit disturbed as a teenager can be part of the problem. However, why was she allowed this without treatment back then? Or is that something they have come to realise looking back?

She does need help. I think you are too close in a sense for her to accept your help. She like most people with mental problems will lie and lie to doctors - a lot of them have pretended to be normal for so long it‘s not hard for them to fool a stranger.

My advice is for you to focus on your son and yourself first. I know you want good things for her which I applaud. But she doesn‘t want them from your or even for herself at the moment. So focus on what is the most important. I wouldn‘t let her be alone with your son either. Not for one minute.

I wish you the best.

TM

Question for you ETD,

What will you do when you show up at the party and the wife throws a scene cause he had admitted his little "fuck up" with you, to her cause someone else told her?

( you said it yourself that you think other people suspect)

I can understand that you want to go cause family and friends will be there - I do honestly. I know I would just DIE if I got yelled at by someone I had hurt in front of all of my friends and family.

As to one of your questions - should you tell her? I don‘t know. If my huband went out and fucked someone I would want to know. Would I hate the woman? Sure. Not as much as him, but if I ever was in a nice big social setting and she showed up you would see Act I part I  in "Pissed of Wife." That and I would dump his cheating ass in part II.

TM

Go Sparrow~

And I don‘t know where to post a whore like that. A blog comes to mind. Her name will then be asily googles and linked to your blog..

TM

8 1/2 months - but in our defence... We had the Atlantic Ocean between us. So it was after the 3rd "date".

TM

Ah Sunny! That is a lot to have on your plate.

TM

Hmm how did I know? Well, he had BARELY spoken to his ex-wife the past 9 years ( He would call the kids not her). Now all of a sudden he would call her daily. FROM home! While I was here! Dumbass - he would however take the cordless and walk out in the garden with it. It was supposedly over money.

I honestly thought nothing of it. I thought it was nice that she finally wanted to let him in the kids lives - other then whatever few phonecalls he got to have over the years.

He wasn‘t sneaky enough to hide his e-mail - he had one night forgotten to exit his hotmail so in the morning I read the e-mails between them. I was pretty devastated.

He‘s been sucking up ever since.

I don‘t know if he will do this again - I am however saving up. I made an acount  and I deposit whatever I can, which isn‘t much right now. But hopefully it will be enough to walk out with the kids. I know my family will help me out till I get on my feet. I don‘t fear to be a single mom either. All I have to loose is him. He on the other side have EVERYTHING to loose, cause I will NOT forgive nor forget betrayal.

TM

WISECHICK wrote:

I have read some other postings where all or most of the blame is put on the "other" woman. Ladies please, even though a woman who knowlingly engages in a relationship with a married man deserves NO respect from anybody and to be called all kinds of names, DO NOT forget that your husband was the one who swore to be faithful to you, nobody else. The "other" woman is irrelevant, (if it was not her it would have been somebody else), HIS behavior, on the other hand, is inexcusable. It took me many years to realize this, but now I know that cheating was a concious decision my ex made. Nobody put a gun to his head! 

As much as I think you are right in your above statement I can NOT stop resenting her - the hubby‘s Ex-wife. She is a piece of shit regardlesly. All OW are whores. Society today tries to hard to promote a woman‘s sexual libertation, which to a point is nice. But it seems more like promotion of lowered standards and no morals. The women ( and men) who makes a concience choice of being an OW are a sympthom of society. Having afairs is like the "new black" these days and that saddens me. ( By the new black I mean like in fashion - black never goes out of style but some years a grey is the new black or maybe brown.. if you understand that.)

As much as I wouldn‘t waste my energy on some whoring slut - THEY deserve my scorn and disgust. So ofcourse to the cheating spouses and more so. But I will NEVER think that the OW are NOT a wife‘s business or that the OW is so insignificant that you can‘t spend some time venting and directing your hated at her. I think that is part of the healing process. In the long run, YES the OW whores are not worth the time of day, but they are a nice verbal punching bag.

To the OP:

I have decided to stay too. My hubby didn‘t have a physical affair, but it‘s non the less devastating. Had it been physical I would have left - no doubt. He is on "probation" with me now. And I have 0 trust for him. He will have to EARN that back same as the respect I used to have for him. I love him - he is a good friend, husband and father.

There is nothing wrong in staying - or leaving. It is up to the individual woman. Only YOU can know what is best for YOU.

Best of luck and I will check out your blog.

TM

Still pissed you rock girl!

If he is a no show then it truely is HIS loss, and more over anyone who supports him loose too.

I wish you a big success - you do good work,

TM

Yikes. I remember that post.

I truely hope she is ok.

TM

It‘s a good show. I really like it.

One thing that makes me cringe...... is that Churn Icecream - where two ladies sit and disguss an "affair" with the "pool-boy" ( who is really churn icecream) so now promoting icecream goes hand in hand with infidelity..? sad.. By the way.. I will never buy that brand.

TM

What a moron,

Just don‘t forget Jass that UNLESS he has a WRITTEN agreement that he loaned you money he can‘t claim it later or even sue your for it.

He will loose - I BET you. The Danish legal system is way better then for instance the US, when it comes to petty shit like this.

He‘s pissed off at you and is trying to get a raise out of you - or some kind of reaction. You did pay him off on some stuff and now he thinks you will cave easily. Screw that.

TM

My money is on her lying too. Why should she tell you the truth? nah, she is a whore and chicken. That usually goes well together.

The fact that she didnt get upset and tell you - you are out of your mind and hang up - that is what I would do if a woman called and claimed I was an OW.

TM

Oh Bluesparrow - YOU SO NAILED IT.

I dated a guy ( a long ... time ago) whom I fell for because one of his charms was that he would listen and listen well. He loved to talk as well, sad thing is .. most of what he said was lies - from beginning to end.

I have seen JUST the kind of man Bluesparrow is talking about - they "play" the attentive, kind, helpful of damsels in distress, charming... you know the drill. But it‘s a game. It works with certain kind of women who crave attention. It doesn‘t always result in an affrair/sexual encounter but more then often it does. Yet they forget the soft voice - the listening and the general respect when they are with family. ( read that as wife and children).

 My father is such a man. He would drive 45 min to change this stupid woman flat tire - instead of telling her to just call a tow-truck. He would take her out to dinner ( once on MY birthday) cause she was feeling all sad and alone. My mom ( who is a wonderful and bighearted woman) thought he was just being a gentleman. That is - till the 2 OW he was running around with got wind of each other. Then all hell broke loose and both bitches took it out on my mom.

You husband show a huge lack of respect for you. I can easily imagine this woman friend stumbling and accidentally land on his dick.. Honestly, with his history he don‘t deserve your trust. But it‘s up to you what happens next.

Good luck,

TM

hmm it‘s a great warm-up *wink wink nudge nudge*

Also a wonderful gift.

TM

Listen to your sis, tell her you love her. IF it was my sys I would tell her HOW I see her man. Make her talk about notonly the good but the bad. He really seems like a sick creep.

Best of luck, I hope your sister dumps him and nevr looks back.

TM

I‘m sorry your husband is such a sleeze.

Sit down - make a to-do list.

1. find a place to live ( unless you plan on kicking him out..)

2. going with the above try keep the kids in their schools if they are happy there.

3. Make a second bank accound in YOUR name only.

4. Set a date for when you want this to start. Prepare yourself for it.

5. Make a budget - see what you can afford.

6. contact a divorce laywer.

That is what I would do at least. I would also tell the women in the mothers group about this. You might get a lot of support from them.

There are a quite few women on here who have been down that road - I‘m sure they can offer even better suggestions.

TM

I installed a keylogger on hubby‘s but i had to remove it again - it showed up on virus scans. If anyone know of a FREEWARE program that i can use ( bastard changed his password again and I think he is mailing the ex-wife again) I want to know cause if he is I‘m out of here with the kids. He can kiss me and the kids goodbye.

I‘m not very computer savyy and he is a little bit so please help.

I need a program I can install on my own first to test and figure out how to use it. It needs to be freeware cause I really don‘t have the moeny for anything else right now.

TM

Starlett - start the divorce papaers yourself, don‘t wait on your lyig cheating soon to be ex-husband. So the girlfriend call and tells your sister THEY are taking YOUR child? what a bitch. Tell her to make her own children, darn it!

Best of luck,

You are lucky he is getting out of your life, star

TM

I don‘t believe in the whole concept of " A player". It‘s just another word for slut. Male or female. I guess by making it a "symbol" for others it is more accepted in society.

Sass, he might be a good man. He might have put his slutting-days behind him. Some people call it sowing wild oats - running the horns of.. you name it. Only you know his personality and the chemestry between the two of you.

One thing I would do if I were you is be up front and honest about WHAT you expect in a relationship.

Just because he slept with 200+ women doesn‘t mean he cheated. It could have been a whole lot of 1 night stands.

And I can‘t get that saying out of my head.. When you have sex with a man you indirectly have sex with all the women in his past..... and that makes me shudder a little bit.

I have a good friend who was a big time male slut in his late teens and early 20‘s. Late bloomer kinda guy - when he hit 18 he started dating a 30 year old woman and I guess you can say she molded him. No more glasses - braces came of, skin got better, tan, clothes.. He truely was a new guy. On the surface. With me and all his childhood buddies he was still his geeky self - thank goodness. Anyhow - the 30 year old dumped him after a year or so and he took his "revenge" out by sleeping with any female with a temperature over 100F that was willing, and there was a LOT of willing females. On a "good" night he would at times bang 3-5 girls at the nightclub. So I understand the numbers.

He‘s now married have been for 5 years and I‘m pretty sure he outgrew that slut fase in his mid-20‘s ( he‘s 37 now) I know they dated for 3-4 years before they married.

So yea I think a slut ( or player) can change their ways, when they CHOOSE to.

Good luck,

TM

I‘m so sorry. Did he leave a number of wherever he went on business? If not that is a good excuse to call his office.

No point in calling her - if they are doing anything they shouldn‘t she too wil deny deny deny.

If you want to find out for sure if she is home.. send her flowers - HA! onestly though, buy the ugliest cheapest bouquet and have it delivered - make sure you pay for it in cash too. Tell the flourist to deliver it at 1-2 pm for instance ( if they can) and see if a friend can watch little fella - then sit in your car and you will see if she is home or not. Unless you feel like ringing her dorrbell - that would be a lot less costly.

I don‘t know if he is cheating, but I do know that they ALL try to deny it - even when caught with the boxers down.

Maybe take a visit home to YOUR family with your son too. Take a break from this crap. It will drive you nuts til you find evidence, and then, whew even more nuts.

Best of luck,

TM

I feel ashamed and stupid and USED.

That is exactly why you need to call his bluff or it will never end. You deserve better - and you know it.

Do you know her first/last name? Work place?  Might be a way to track her husband down.

And find out of you live in a state where you can put adultery as reason for divorce.

TM

I feel ashamed and stupid and USED.

That is exactly why you need to call his bluff or it will never end. You deserve better - and you know it.

Do you know her first/last name? Work place?  Might be a way to track her husband down.

And find out of you live in a state where you can put adultery as reason for divorce.

TM

This is why I rarely watch the news. As if life is scary enough as it is.

I have best wished for the survivors and my sincere condolences for the families of the dead ones.

PNG I know you like debates and making your oppinion heard and I think I understand what your are saying. Just stop trying to make it into an argument or political debate, please.

TM

I agree with the ladies - Don‘t tell. Keep the cards close.

He can‘t PICK the number he wants to pay in childsupport the court will work that out. Your friend need to make a estimate of monthly costs.

She might have to sell her house and move into something smaller/cheaper and hopefully FAR from that son-of-a-bitch and his whore.

Help her get a gooooooood laywer and be there for her.

After all is said and done - she can throw it in his face if that will make her feel better.

Best of luck,

TM

I agree with everyone, she is cheating. The whole excuse about your phone call "saved " her from his advances.. Bullshit. It just meant they had to do a quickie and come home seperately. No woman who is out shopping with a "friend" take him up on an offer to rest in a hotel-room, UNLESS they hope or plan on having sex.

The fact that your instincts told you to call hotels show that you have good instincts. Trust in them.

So she cybers with 6 of her co-worker? AND gods knows how many guys from her old high-shool class? How sad is that?

I bet you your kids already have an inkling that something is wrong and as hard as it will be to explain that yout wife is a sex-aholic - I think they will be just fine. Hopefully they will learn one thing from all of this, that cheaters & liers need consequences.

She sounds like she is addicted to the thrill. Has she been on any serious pain meds when these things first happend?  I know some of them can cause BIG personality changes - one of these is flirting alot, more talkative, shy people being extroverts all of a sudden. ( I have seen it first hand) People then want that attention and high - so either they abuse pain meds or cyber/real sex to gett hat feeling again.

Best of luck,

TM

Oh I hope Karma takes a nice big fat chuck out of his ass!

Sorry you got hurt - but at least you found out before it went any further.

TM

She was a hole to your husband. A seductress? Oh give it up men... a 22 seducing a man twice her age? Can I laugh my ass off? What she did was stroke his ego. Think about it. Women don‘t hit their sexual peek til the 30‘s by then the males are already voer their peek and they know it. So they will spend tons of engery trying to recapture that. And some men are more desperate then others.

I would honestly have laughed at that ridicilious little man who tried to fill you with all that bullshit. I see more 40+ women taking good care of themselves then I see men. In their minds eye they are still 20 physically.

To be frank, I wouldn‘t waste a minute of my time with her. Unless ofcourse you could get a little revenge in before Karma strikes her.. <insert evil cackle> She isn‘t worthy of you - or your time. She was a mistake - even your husband said so or he wouldn‘t be there with you. A mistake.  Don‘t forget that. Your husband thoght with his dick and she was the best he could come up with. Man, that is really sad.

Journal your feelings - make a blogg - PUT her name on. If that makes you feel better. You don‘t OWE her your piece of mind or a moment of your time.

TM

I wish there was a simple answer for this one.

The short answer  is this.. Because they can. ( maybe not in the long run.. )

The longer version.

Cause society today is so fixated on sexual and monetary gratification. Look at the countless "reality shows" Flavor Flav - Bret Michals - The Bachelor - The bachelorett. WHO the fuck in their right mind would want to be one of 25 women to COMPETE over some guy you don‘t even really kow? Are you kidding me?

For anyone who haven‘t seen an episode of Brett Michals Rock of Love - on VH1 - look it up on the net and tell me that ANY of these women are not just a potential golddigger/ho. Why do they want this man? Cause he‘s famous and has money. Screw his personality..

But this is so called REALITY.

Kids have sex before they are mentally ready, because they think it will give them status - love - popularity - friends.

Another answer.

People preach morals but don‘t teach them to their kids. And most of all they don‘t live by them.

Oh I have a long long list as to why people do all this. I still don‘t think any of them really satisfy me.

And Shally - Nope no married amn NOR woman needs to carry condom with his/her smokes. Unless he plan to do ballon tricks at some bachelor party.

TM

Good work Hill!

wow - I‘m sorry it was bitter-sweet, but tell you what, it would have been much worse if he had gotten it and taken his nasty whore down to that house with all your memories. Better to clear it out and sell it. It‘s no longer YOUR place.

You did good!

TM

Amen, WHY oh WHY waste any of your time on him? he is your EX for a reason. So he‘s a sad pathetic ex that feels a need to catch up on what you do.

Live your life - be happy and forget about him.

TM

Be glad he didn‘t include you in his messed up fantasy world.

Forget about him. I know you are hurting and beating yourself up, but don‘t. He just isn‘t worth it. You are a strong beautiful woman.  Look at it like this, you made a big mistake in this man. Shit happens. Take time to forgive yourself for trusting and loving him. You did nothing wrong in that.

You met him when you were at a relly low point in your life. He sensed that and took full advantage. You "woke" up and smelled the coffee. Good!

Copehagen is beautiful - get out there. Stop shopping, missy ( lol) I know shopping in the short run feels good ( I shop to to forget, to feel better, to take revenge.. you name it.. I try and cure it with shopping). But getting further into debt is not helping you. It‘s another stick to beat yourself up with.

Take a blanket and a good book. Go the the park andread it. Find something that holds your interest. Stop staying in bed. ( I know that seems like all you are able to but still try to get out. you dont have to be social.

TM

He‘s an addicted to sex dick. Be glad he is out of your life. Honestly, I don‘t see anything wrong in what you did. Maybe he will figure out that this was his wake-up call a few months down the line.

Fifi is right. File what you need to and do it as soon as possible. Right now he‘s lashing out at you, because it‘s easier then owning up to what he did. Might wanna try and get a copy of the police reports too for filing.

Best of luck,

TM

Urgh hard question. I think like you I would love to scream OH there is my husbands whore - but.. I think ignoring her will get her more upset.

There are so many mean thing I would love to say....

TM

May Karma come bit your ass good and hard.

Good Job - Blue.

Die Troll

What a nasty skunk your husband is. I bet you he PICKED you sister to see how you would react and to have a little powertrip. He knows she likes him ( or his money/help whatnot) and I‘m thinking he would screw any female ,but your sister might be fun. Seems like he is either testing you and your marriages boundries or he is mad at you for something and this is his way of showing it.

That is just really sad.

TM

Year saw that one maybe 6 months ago - what these sick people won‘t do..

TM

Amen. I wish they could invent a disease that made pedopiles private parts fall of.. then they die horribly and in great pain.

Sick sick Bastards.

TM

Amen! You are doing a GREAT job - even if it feel like you want to cry all the time. You are in mourning, believe it or not. Something that have been part of your life for  quite a time is now utterly dead... your marriage. It‘s ok to try and be upset.

I too think he will have second thoughts about the whore. Which is good.

He thought you would want to live right next door and be a happy big family? Is he crazy?

Keep your chin up.

TM

Yas,

He‘s fixated with controlling you - I think. He controlled you a lot while you were together and now that you said enough is enough and kicked him to the curb, he don‘t seem to want to give up the power and control over you. However the onle recourse he has is trying to get at you financially, most likely cause he knows it potentially can hurt you two fold, mentally and monetarily.

Don‘t waste any more time with this UNLESS he sue you. Do talk to the wedding venue if he got his money back they will have a reciept - get a copy. Cause any judge will figure out that if he lied about this.. he might have lied about other stuff. I can not see how he can sue for payments he made on your apartment loan after the fact. It‘s pretty common when people live together they share some or other financial costs.

 If he wins - well that would sucks much, but make sure you have an agreement with monthly payment as low as it can get. Don‘t let him get to you.

Hugs

TM

I‘m not wearing mine either. But funny enough he started to wear his again. I will not wear it in the future either. He can buy me a new one of just get used to me not wearing a wedding band.

TM

Staying to share his money is not a future. Figure out what YOU want out of life ( other then his money) - have him help you financially get a degree/job ( if that is what you want). In the long run - you are better of without his and his money. I know short term it is hard to jsut say screw it and leave.

You need some independance from him. Start now.

TM

meandnotyou wrote:

"Who let the livestock in?"

muahahwahaha

ME so true. I think handling as a LADY would, Like Hillary said shows EVERYONE who might be looking how big a mistake SHE is. However.. saying something like that is a very low sweet voice might make you feel better.

Skanky - pathetic - cunt - whore. Yea, I could say that is a nice tone as long as I knew she was the only one listening... Oh the fun..

TM

Did he delete the Original Post? Mine is blank. However I don‘t understand his question.

Women are supposed to be all sweet even when disrespected? All feminie and cute ? Take it as a woman?

And Busty - love the image hehe

TM

Amen to that.

Noone should really be put on a pedistals as it is. Have her be your equal. So many things can make "US" fall of the pedistal and we don‘t even know it. Putting people on a pedistal is not useful at all, cause we all fail in something - we are all human.

TM

Might be that I‘m lacking in the English department - but his posts makes absolutely no sense.

I get more sense out of my 3 year old, even if she can‘t sling out as many insults.

TM

Call TeleDanmark ( if that is still the major phonecompnay back there) and tell them you need a new number - I had a phonestalker and the police couldn‘t/wouldn‘t do anything but the phone company did.

Second get a new Cell number. You might have to get a new SIM card for the phone, but worth the cost. DO not give this out to anyone but people you trust.

Thirdly :

http://www.2-spyware.com/keyloggers-removal

Get it done! and Done now.

Copy all old and newer shared bank account statements. I only adds on to his lies. If he takes money out of his private account to put in the shared for costs but then take them out of the shared, he never paid. No judge is going believe this son-of-a-gun.

Don‘t let him win Yas - he‘s a pretty sick individual.

DO NOT talk to him - DO NOT read his emails.

{{Yas}}

And last but not least, GET out of the house. HE wants you to be weak, worries and victimized - don‘t let him.

TM

Is this how cheating starts?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20183344?GT1=10252

TM

I too worked as a bartender in a nightclub and I have seen SEVERAL guys trying to slip "something" into their date/the girls they were loading up on/ the girl next to them‘s drink. I would get the bouncer - grab the glass of the girl. The guys were usually taken in the back their ID taken and copied - police was called in too. 8 out of 10 girls would NOT press charges. Sad but true. Guys like that a dime a dussin - and were banned from the nightclub and ahand ful of others since the owner would fax their photo to a couple of other owners.

Tequila use to be my poison too - best buzz but hard to control.

Like ME said - you and your friend need to sitck together better. Even after 10 years of marriage she really don‘t need a bunch of drunken one-nightstands.

Legally I don‘t think she has a leg to stand on, however I would agree that sending the guy a letter ( from the laywer) might do the trick. On the other hand... he might be one of those sleezy scumbags out that that makes his ego bigger by taping women he has sex with.

I can understand her dismay - any woman would have freaked out over this.

Best of luck to both of you,

TM

Ill have a cold, Danish beer on you all

Make it a Green Tuborg - chuckle since it isnt Easter or Christmas! I adore the Christmas and the Easter brews. Damn I remember those.

Enjoy the festival - went to Roskilde once -was a muddy blast!

Before you go out and *fall* in love - enjoy being just you for a bit, I know that is what I would do. Fall in love with living and fun - then maybe add a guy later hehehe

And finish your work. You can do it!

ENJOY!

TM

First off. She is the one that lost out. PERIOD!Good men are far and few between.

Most likely she was overwhealmed - and cheated to sabotage herself. That might not make sense to you or me - but for some people sabotaging good things is a way of punishing themselves, yet blame others. That is ofcourse no excuse.

The fact that she still tries to apologize means that she knows she screwed up BAD, she is accepting the blame. Good.

Now to the hard part.

FORGET her. Move on. You are not only punishing her, you are also punishing yourself. Nothing wrong with having a set of morals and ethics and actually LIVE by them. Cudos to you for thatSo you spend a year of "just" having lovers, nothing wrong with that for the most part, except for the fact that you aren‘t really looking for a lover. You are looking for a partner.

Revive an old hobby or get a new one. Get out there ( and I mean not to bars and club but do something you like to do) - you never know what people you might run into and get to know that way.

Good luck

TM

Awww that is so cute!

TM

What kind of account and where?

TM

He‘s speaking German and he‘s pissed of at his game. LOL

I seriously doubt Harlan speaks anything but gibberish.

TM

He sent a woman a picture of his dick? I honestly understand then whole - it‘s NOT easy to leave once you have children, debt and whatnot together. But I can‘t see him stopping this behavior. The excuse it‘s "just" talking is so common. Next it will be .. it was "just" sex.

Make sure you let him you HOW you see this as cheating and how HURTFUL it is to you. I bet you he wouldn‘t like if you send strange men pictures of your private parts.

To a point I understand the whole HATE the internet, it has open up a lot of bad shit.

Best of luck,

TM

I‘m glad it worked for you and I hope you dump his sorry ass. I know it‘s hard with 3 children to leave to sorry asses but sheesh if he is sitting talking crap about you to some whore? He deserve to get kicked out on his ear.

He will most likely claim he was just lying. That he really didn‘t mean what he said. Which might actually be true, since some men will say JUST about anything to get his whore to spead her legs.

I wish you the best of luck and keep us posted on what you are going to do next.

TM

Sam I totally agree with you. When I read this article I thought to myself utter bullshit. But then I thought about it a little longer.

I have ( and had before my marriage) 3 really good male friends (who are /were married) and I remember how many women who would come into the nightclub I worked at, and would seem nervous but have no problem chatting up these married guys.

On most nights I myself would usually chat/talk to the married guys that were regular over single guys who tried to pick up a woman there, maybe because I thought Married man = no risk of being hit on.. (which ofcourse wasn‘t true  they were just more subtle then most single guys).

TM

Harlan who?

TM

Take a stabler to his ball - attach them to the nearest wall.

I‘m glad to see it was unfounded. Talk to a laywer about recource. It‘s hard cause he CAN claim to be a "concerned" parent., but maybe if you go after him he will not do that again.

Let us know what happens.

TM

Oh what an ASS!

And bahahawahaha Yeah I hope she get ALL of the money. That would teach him.

TM

WHOA!

I hope you are all right. That is why I suggest you get out of the house, but don‘t have to be social. A place like the music festival a LOT of people are VERY social. Settle for something more low key. Like a museum you haven‘t been to in ages or a book & a bench in the botanical gardens.

~*hugs*~

TM

I agree with Hillary - DO NOT talk to the whore. She is NOTHING to you. All she is - is trouble. She seems like she isn‘t quite right in the head either, so I‘d stay far away from her and keep the kids from her too.

One thing you have to get used to, is the fact that your husband will anything. Like all his broken promises. STOP believing his them. If you feel like it give him a LIST of stuff you desperately need and see if he will pull thru for you. I doubt it though.

Does he have healthcare? If he does can‘t you get him to add the kids?

And yes, do contact a laywer.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Tm

Your dad treated your mom in the same way your husband treats you? Don‘t forget we sometime repeat patterns we have seen growing up. And what ever is wrong with him, you can‘t fix it. And it‘s not your fault.

Keep on putting money aside - don‘t spend a dime on him. 

I can imagine Australia is an awesome place and that it must  suck to have to leave it over a jerk like him, but you need to get away from him. What a SOB. 

YOU deserve better.

TM

Ok I think hubby has made himself a MySpace - when I checked his history I found the login to Myspace - but I tried his email and it didn‘t work, darn it.

Anyway I can search for a name or city or what not and see if I can find him? Or am I SoL?

I‘d buy a nice keylogger but I really can‘t afford it.

TM

Think you forgot you paste your post.

TM

If he don‘t leave you alone I would tell her. She might not believe you, she might get mightily pissed of at you and she might be in a better position to make up her mind for her life and future if you do.

If my husband went out and messed around I would WANT to know.

TM

HAH Yeah Yasmina if I find anything.. I‘ll will discuss it.. Trust me. He‘s out of town for 2 weeks so I should have plenty of snooping time on his computer.

TM

.FIRST OF... YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS & SUCCESS!

Something are hard to believe and some things are hard to change, but it is possible.

You‘re a pretty smart ( and pretty) young woman. As much as all of us want that perfect someone and that perfect relationship, reality is nobody is perfect and no reltionship is either. However it is what YOU make it.

Right now I know you are having a hard time finishing your papers and maybe it‘s cause you are afraid of failure. It‘s up to you to NOT fail and you can do it.

Just because you picked a man that turned out to be oh so wrong for you ( heck, I think your  ex-BF would have been wrong for anyone) doesn‘t mean that you don‘t deserve to be happy. Don‘t listen to what you mother told you - don‘t listen to what the negative people in your life tell you. Whatever you mother said it wasn‘t about you. I had a friend with a schizchofrenic(sp..) mother and I know what kind of vile things could be said. I think her mom ( and yours) lived in a different world to a point.

Give yourself some time to be stronger - to find out who you want to be, before trying to find your someone.

Believe in yourself and others will too. :)

*hugs*

TM

I‘m so sorry Dee - that man is a wacko - disaster waiting to happen. Stay safe and hopefully the police will get him.

What a thing to write to a 5 year old. What an utterly sick bastards he is.

Good thing you have family to help out.

I hope he falls a sleep behind the wheels of his truck and craches into a tree.

TM

Kids need to be informed - but only to a  point. I think your Lucy is a wise girl. She is still working thru it all and most likely having a strong mother with a sense of moral, eithics and values will teach her to never take crap either. That is what I hope my girls will learn to.

Hillary that is some good advice here - don‘t talk to him. Don‘t give him even that. However it must be kind of nice seeing him squirm like that. That he realised just how fucked up his actions were and that ~gasp~ they have consequences.

TM

Well I spend 2 hours searching - gods so many Myspace out there in our area. He didn‘t use his real name - not any of his nicknames as far as I can see. I don‘t know if he has made a new email, cause email search did nothing either.

Not sure what to try next. This is frustrating. Is it easier to search if I make a profile?

TM

HA HA HA HA So well said Lorrie 

I don‘t know if I would call the Whore‘s huband. For the most part my gutt says yes. But if he is a big ass scary fellow I don‘t know. In a way I would hint at telling him next time you run into her... that will ruin a lot for her.. I BET!

I hope your husband will treat you like you DESERVE from now on.

Keep us posted,

KitKat

You have 3 choices ( as I see it)

1. Loose what‘s left of your pride and dignity and stay.

2. Stay till surgery is over and paid for.

3. Leave/kick his sorry ass out.

You LIVE in an abusive relationship and you know it. Stop being the victim. You actually DO have choices.

I understand the depandacy you are having after 15 years, but really.... do you want another 15 years like this? He is not going to change. You said he decalred his love for strange woman real fast but comes home to you and says he loves you too? When is it a lie? When he tells them or tells you? Look at his actions. Look at how he talks to you.

Right now he gets it both ways. He lives a swinger lifestyle no matter what you want.

I hope you understand that I don‘t say this to put you down. You already know all this. Taking that first step is hard. And I can‘t tell you what to do, just what I would do.

http://www.document-do-it-yourself-service.com/ld/state/louisiana.html?ref=Google-2-LA-DV&gclid=CJrd_sLj8o0CFRhigQod3T4nMw

http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/Pages/grounds.html#Grounds%20for%20Divorce%20by%20State

Best of luck,

TM

He does get it. But he is pretending not too. For some reason there is something he is taking out on you. Is he making less money then you? Or don‘t have a steady job?

I‘m the same way as you. However if I want to make sure stuff is done - I do it myself, I don‘t rely on him at all for those things. Sad but true. Once I realised he is never really going to help out ( he thinks cause I stay home THAT is my job - even when he‘s been having days where he has only worked from 9am-1-2pm)

I was ANNOYED that he never picked up his laundry - he couldn‘t even throw it in the hamper in our room. He would just drop his clothes around the house. Well, I started to ignore the laundry or STACK it on his work/computer desk. I stopped doing his laundry. I stopped cooking meals that he love - I consentrated on getting the kids fed - screw him. I made coffee ONLY if I wanted some and so on. On week-ends I kicked him out of bed at 6 am ( when the kids get up) and slept in.

If he came home and the living room was messed up ( full of toys and whatnot) he would complain and I would tell him.. have at it!

And you know what? He does his own laundry - wash-fold-put away. He carries his mugs/plates to the kitchen (oh my) and helps out a bit more then he used to. He once said OH I wish I could stay home with the kids.. and when I got sick and spend a week in the hospital he got his wish. Afterwards he said, ok I don‘t envy you your "job".

I almost said I told you so.. lol

Anyways. Let some of the stuff go. It will be ok.

TM

I‘m the same way as ME. I wan‘t proof. A hunch and a gutt feeling is not enough but it‘s a start.

TM

I‘m so sorry Lenka. What I can not comprehend are the women that called you after his death - like they care about you. How horrible and how utterly selfish of them.

I wish you good luck on the journey that is the rest of your life.

Don‘t blame yourself for believing and being trusting of your marriage. That is NEVER wrong. However we all get those gutt feeling for a reason. I think it‘s our subconcience that reads those signs &  body language in our loved ones and even if we aren‘t aware of it fully we all need to recognize it.

TM

Most likely he has told his new wife horrible things about you. That is one thing that cheating men are really good at.. LYING.

I hope you dump his sorry ass. You can‘t do much about the wife if she will not speak to you. Kudos for trying though.

TM

Did some more digging and I still not sure. I know to view "friends" accounts you ahve to have one yourself. Wondering if this is the way he is talking to the Ex-wife. Gods I‘m beyond pissed and I don‘t even know a thing yet.. Grrr

I will try and google keyloggers and see what I can find. He is gone for 2 weeks so I don‘t want to install it now.

TM

Hiyas Shally :)

I think a year or even 6 months ago if someone told me I wouldn‘t have believed it. Mostly cause I didn‘t want to believe it. Now? Well he‘s fucked up right in front of my eyes - so yes if someone came to me with HARD evidence.. He would be out on his ear.

 Unfortunately we live atm in a no fault state so I can‘t put adultery as the reason, but if there is ANY way I can cram it into the divorce papers I will. Cause in order for him to re-marry he will have to have the divorce decree with him, and Im betting she would at least look it over.

I don‘t know why all of a sudden so many states are going for the no fault crap. I think EVERY MAN AND WOMAN who has been cheated on DESERVE to get a divorce due to Adultery.

TM

Uh and if you ( the OP) know and have concrete evidence - be a man ( or woman) and pass it on. She might not be overjoyed with you, but at least she will be informed.

Only you can know if he is sincere or not - if he is worth keeping or not.

First of - did he like the military? In an odd way sleeping with her might have been his way of striking out at you for "making" him leave. I have seen it countless times. A LOT of men ( and women) who‘s spend years in the military feels lost when they get out.

I do think that the first incidents was an "accident" if you want to call it that, but #2? I don‘t know if he was trying to punish her for persuing him or himself for making mistake #1. I think he is sincere - that fact that he refuses to talk to her makes me think the he really resent both her and what he did to her and you.

Since you decided to marry him I think you need to cut him some slack. You knew this had happend and you still married him. Counseling will help you both I bet.

I hope you can work it out and that he never do that crap again to you.

Best of luck,

TM

Mark,

I don‘t think you are stupid. At all. However if I had been "that" girl and you didn‘t even let me reply the mail, I think I would be furious. And in a way yo make the whole monologue (email) pointless both for you and her.

That mail was nothing then a rub for your own ego. Let her choose or NOT choose to reply. Read it THEN judge. You did the whole judge & jury thing on her.

I think it‘s amiable that you know what you want and how you want to be treated and how to treat others. You seem like a caring person, but you cut noone any slack.

None of us like to feel like we got shot down. I understand that you try your best to protect yourself, but you CAN NOT assume that every women you will meet is a carbon copy of your lying cheating ex, so stop treating them like they are and I bet you achieveing happiness will be easier.

My best regards,

TM

Makes me scared to be honest that a young man at 20 read and believe this kind of garbage. It just goes to show me why awful crap like child molestation and rasism is alive and well this day and age.

The shit about rape made me gag.

Where do you dig this shit up at?

TM

I left home at 18. Spend some time abroad then came back - got an apartment went to college while working two jobs and eating not much besides Ramen Noodles and fresh fruit.

Later I shared an apartment for 4 years with my BF - we had no heater in winter ( Electricity was to darn expensive to try and heat the apartment up lol). When we broke up I DID move home with my parents till I could find a place of my own. However I DID pay rent to my parents - I payed for my phoneline - I cooked 4 days a week and did all the laundry except ironing my dads shirts - screw that.

I could no imagine living with them now, as much as I love them it would drive me bonkers.

At 35 living home.. unless you are sick or let‘s say recently divocred/broke up . a guy or girl is utterly lazy and dependant in a very odd way.

TM

That actually made me throw up. How horrible. I hope they will all get punished. Setting fire to her hair, pissing on her?WTF is wrong with these boy?

TM

LMBO ( Laughing my butt off) for the picture, I will never look at an exhaustpipe the same way...

It‘s ok to mourn your marriage and relationship with your husband. It truely will never be the same. Just don‘t wallow it in.

I know it sounds so trivial, but get your hair done, nails, eyebrows... Small steps. Something can‘t be a quick fix, betrayal is one of those.

I‘m doing a lot more for myself now then I have in a long time. It makes ME feel better about ME. I can‘t change how I feel about him right now.. so HE will have to wait till I‘m good and ready.

TM

you can cut & paste it into this thread then people can post on it.

GL,

TM

I has 3 girls in 4 years. So yes I‘m tired. They are now 3-5-7 year old and all very different.

Oldest is wise beyond her years - sharp as a tack. Teachers wanted her to skip first grade, but I said no. She is also very caring and nurturing. She is little momma.

 Middle one is a rebel and a tomboy thru and thru, except she wants to be more girly now. She is the most tempermental of them all mostly cause I think I spoiled her a lot when she was little, due to the fact that all the doctors (except my OB) thought she wouldn‘t make it. And because after having #1 and spending 15 months with absolutely no more then 3 hours sleep at a time I didn‘t want any more kids. Due to medicine mix up I got pregnant and didn‘t find out til I was about 4 months along.

Smallest one is a doll. Again not planned. But an absolute joy - happy go lucky & cheerful girl. Funny thing is that even if she is the baby she is the most independant of them all.

I love them to bits, but I HATE being a stay-at-home mom. It makes me feel isolated. I tried playgroups and what not but didn‘t like them. The other mothers were WAY to busy gossiping about whomever wasn‘t there that day or this or that woman or her husband. So much cattiness so little interaction with their kids.

The two oldest are of to school - so it will just be me and the smallest one and I look forward to spending time with her.

Ha ha before I make this a novel I‘ll stop :)

TM

If he thinks it‘s your fault you don‘t climax as fast as he does..

He‘s an asshole

If he thinks a slap on the ass is foreplay.....

He is an asshole

Truth is.. HUMAN beings have evolved since the times where sex was a basic instinct.

Truth is... SOCIETY have evolved since the time where humans only followed their basic instincts. Otherwise the world ( good and bad) would no be where it is today.

Marriage and Monogamy was instituted as part of building a society with morals, values and ethics. A society with less voilence, more safety.

Saying that we are animals and being promiscious/unfaithful is our true nature is pathetic bullshit excuses.

I do think a lot of stuff happens when people let their instincts rule instead of what they have been taught. but I don‘t think human are that basic.

YES women and men get attracted to other outside of their spouses, but acting on it or not is a choice. Every action had an reaction.

TM

to happilyeverafter?

I don‘t think changing one guy out for antother will ultimately achieve happiness. It if did there would be a lot more happy people out there.

Making yourself happy - even if that mean being single for a while would make a bigger difference IMO since I believe when YOU are happy happines will ensue. It sounds easy but it‘s isn‘t.

Yes, Karma will kicks their collective asses sooner or later.

TM

I agree with that. The job makes him feel manly. The whole "pimp" thing. YUK. I don‘t think he has to be cheating because he drives these sluts home 4 nights a week. And I understand you in not wanting to demand that he quits his job.

Would I spy on my man working a job like this?  maybe.

Would I tell him how uncomfortable I feel about his job? Heck yes.

Trust is a hard thing to gain and a hard thing to maintain. You know your man. You think cause he is surrounded by these women he will fall weak - or not be able to say no if one of them offered some fringe benifits?

Think about it. These women are payed to get men to drink with them. I assume the more money a man/client/customer has the better the drinks and the better they service these men? You think they would go after a man who istheir babysitter?

I‘m sure the money is good but ask yourself and them him if it‘s worth it.

Best of luck,

TM 

I don‘t see a problem with some one playing the devils advocate. Fun debates can evolve after that. Then again I don‘t know this poster.

I personally do NOT believe sex is "just" a basic instinct. Yes people get excited by looking at attractive members of the other sex. But a couple of thousands years of "civilisation" HAVE changed humans views. Views on many things, sex being one of them.

Why do you think sex sell?

That you think explaining adultery away by saying that sex is jsut a need - and humans are still so animalistic that all they can think of is gratification is sad to me. You should read up on things like tantric sex......

But if debating is what you really want... Use the Agree to disagree section perhaps?

TM

I‘m so sorry for you hon.

What irks me the most is how he is trying to put the blame on you. What an utter asshole. I agree with the ladies. Change the locks box up his shit put it in the garage or something. Take what money you can get your hands on. Get an attorney and divorce his sorry ass. 22 years? I‘m so disgusted.

Have you checked out the you state for no fault laws?

Looks like is is a No Fault law, but maybe you can still use Adultery. http://www.now.org/nnt/01-97/divorce.html

TM

Ife he thinks reading a goodnight story for the kids  is stupid.............

He is an Asshole

Wow, you are a bigger woman then I am. Addiction or not I would and could not forgive behavior like that.

I think the fact that he realise he has a problem is a start. Though you have to question just how sincere he is. After all he didn‘t confess it. He got caught. And he still deny some of his activities. He ACTUALLY brought his children into this shit too, that would worry me even more then the rest.

And I wouldn‘t care if he did men or not. He is DOING prostitutes. Jebus. Think about it. *shudder* Get tested asap. I don‘t CARE if he tells you he ALWAYS used a condom, if his lips are moving.. he‘s lying :) Shally taught me that.

Sexual addiction is a tough thing and it‘s more common then people think. Sexual Addicts will RISK anything and there by ANYONE for a cheap thrill. No matter what, this is not about you. You did nothing to "make" him this way. The fact that you are willing to at least try to stand by him is admirable. But know that there is no CURE for this - no instant FIX - no magic WORD. It‘s a long and bumby road.

Good luck and sorry I having nothing more positive to add.

TM

Well I found one thing out. He had a secondary hotmail. He knows I have two email addresses - he knows that cause I told him. I have nothing to hide. But he never told me about this one, which makes me wonder.

Shally - you are a dear. I hope you are right too. Maybe I‘m jsut looking for an excuse to say enough? I don‘t know this living in sorta limbo is just not a nice feeling.

Thanks ladies - you input is highly appriciated.

TM

Webcams and cybersex yup, it‘s fantasy but it can have a big impact in the real life - in the real relationships.

If I ever caught hubby watching and chatting up some whore with a webcam I would be more then upset, signed up to sexsites? WTF? not allowed. Can you say lock smith?

TM

Sigh, You may call me stupid too, but this whole THEM against US shit don‘t sit well with me.

Stereotyping or cast typing is such a crutch.

I love men in general - in specific my husband.

I dislike cheaters - male or females, cause they are weak, pathetic and sad. The fact that they will do and say anything to achive a few seconds/minutes of climax, no matter who they hurt I find utterly unimpressive and disgusting.

However much I love my husband HE knows my morals, values and ethics when it comes to marriage. HE knew before we married, so if he now choses to cheat on me I will remove him from my life, cause he no longer respects me and what I stand for. I don‘t see anything wrong with that.That is fairly logical.

I have friends who have an open marriage BY choice. I don‘t presume to understand why, but it works for them even after 15 years. IF what a man and/or woman needs/wants is not a monogamous lifestyle NOONE is MAKING them do it. It is like so many other things a choice. IF you want to fuck around .. find a partner who thinks/feels the same way maybe it will last, maybe it won‘t but at least it is not hurtful to the same point as adultery can be to many men and women.

What is this fixation with lust and sex?

TM

Do I think 80% of women are evil? No. the number is way to low.. should be like 98% *sarcastic grin*

Ok let me be serious a second. No I don‘t believe in evil in human beings. I believe in evil behavior and evil deeds. No one comes into the world evil. I do believe that many things in the enviroments and heck maybe even genes ( not cromozones) can make human being less then humans and they will do unspeakable acts.

I think women are more passive agressive - cause that is what we are taught from an early age, but I don‘t think that makes us evil.

I think women have a higher sense of empathy them men, again cause that is what we are taught from and early again.

I think women are less driven by instincts and more by interlect. Like a 5 year old. A boy is mad at another boy - he hits him and it‘s over. A girl is mad at another kids and she verbalizes her anger. Like my mom used to say. Give a boy a cannon and he will fire it. Give a girl a cannon and she will spend some time figuring out what the best use there is for said cannon.

Women have always been the physically weaker sex, but often they used it to their advangtage. Is that considered being evil? If so well, lets look and see who taught them that. Dads and moms. I was the smallest girl on the soccer team but also the fastest, my dad taught me to use my strong point - it was what won us A LOT of games.

Anyone claiming that a sex makes you evil is sad.

Or maybe cause I‘m a woman myself I can not recognize evil? I doubt that. I have done some "mean" thing in my life, but the good things, the love, understanding, teaching, nurturing outweight it by far. And most of the mean things I did to myself - not others.

If women are so evil how come most criminals doing Horrible crimes - serial killer - child molesters - physically & mental abusers, rapists, cruelty to animals are mostly men?

And NO I don‘t believe taking away a child from his/her parent in order to punish the other half of the parental unit is right. That is just twisted. Where is the frigging logic in that?

TM

Just wish I could speel better when drinking Margarita‘s then when drinking water.

TM

My suggestion is this.. DON‘T tell your son he will call, cause most likely he won‘t. The fact that his dad is a deadbeat is not you sons fault. Stop building his dad up to be a man, when obviously he is just a SoB. Then again, you knew that.

TM

Tell him you are done with that part of YOUR life and ask him WHY he isn‘t. Then tell him tough cookies you are DONE talking about it too. It was a time in your life you want to forget. That you learned a life lesson other then that it‘s NONE of his business.

What he is doing is like rubbing salt in an old wound.. with a toothbrush. It‘s painful and UTTERLY useless.

Every one of us do thing we later can‘t understand - it‘s part of "growing up". Sometimes we have to make our own mistakes in order to grow.

If he can‘t understand and respect that this is in the past you need to realise he is in an odd way mentaly abusing you too. WTH is he getting out of this?

I wish you the best - keep us posted.

TM

I‘m happy for you Harley! You finally stood up for yourself in a life changing way.

I wish you all the best on your next journey. I bet you will see yourself grow in ways you never expected. Having a man in your life can be nice, but when he is a piece of shit there is no real point in keeping a relationship with him.

If he does show up, don‘t waste time on yelling arguing with him, just call the police and be done with it. He isn‘t the worth the oxygen it takes to yell at him.

Stay safe and keep us posted.

TM

One thing here that makes me go hmmmm.

She is 25 and been with her husband for 12 years? That is like robbing the craddle isn‘t it?

TM

Another thing - you are TEACHING your son that treating a woman like his daddy is treating you is ok.

Don‘t forget monkey see monkey do.

Many guys stationed in Korea visits the whorehouses over there, married or not. Sex is a huge industry specially near and around military bases.

You need to get over this *I NEED a man to be a woman.* You need to stand up for yourself and you son. Your husband is not going to stop, cause he believes you will forgive him over and over.

You are 21 - you have a full and long life ahead of you, why waste it with him? Getting a divorce and being a single mom is not a failure it is a fresh start.

Good luck

TM

Ah Mark,

I‘m glad you didn‘t get offended by what I wrote. I do think you try and keep yourself free of potential hurt or drama by just cutting of communication. I just don‘t think that is healthy to be honest. But I understand you. Reject them before they can reject you. It‘s a safe policy.

I have never understood this concept of dating multiple people at the same time. How do you really get to know any of them? I think dating sites are for the most part the worst place to find a partner. On paper ( or the screen) it can look like you have a lot in common, but in real life there is no connection - know what I mean?

Having another one-night stand is like pissing your pants in winter time to keep warm - a very useless short term solution. A little boost to the ego and then the beating yourself up for hours afterwards. Either accept that you need a mindless fuck or stop the behavior. If these women aren‘t worth the time to date and get to know, are they really worth sleeping with?

Still think you need to find a hobby and meet people "out there" instead of thru the computer.

Don‘t beat yourself up, Mark. And good luck.

TM

Wire, I‘m glad it is not your personal viewpoint, that would be sad.

I understand that there are men & women out there thinking it‘s so much easier to just blame the other sex for things they fell they have no control over.

And when I say rasism I mean it i every way - black who hates whites, hispanics whatnots - whites who everyone, Chinese who hates Japanese.. you know, everyone who holds a grudge against anyone who isn‘t JUST like themselves.

I was taught by my parents that there is only one race. The HUMAN race. The color of your skin, your ethnical and historical background is part of what makes you you. To never judge by looks alone.

I was also taught that I can be  & do anything. I think it wasn‘t till I hit 19 that I found that there were some limitations as to what I can and can‘t do :)

I read the article (rant) over again. And yes it was interesting but so hateful to. It is hard for me to take something like that serious, which might be a big mistake.

I was quick to judge - I usually am, when I come across anything that makes no sense to me. Hating ALL women because  you were hurt in the past makes no sense to me. Same as saying all men cheat.

I‘m a sceptical optimist.

I had been reading some of The Preachers posts and I think that is what set me off.

TM