Member Forum Search

Hello! just registered here and was wondering if you found out any more about getting into his laptop?? obviously, hes hiding something to be so secretive about the laptop. if i were you, i would concentrate on hacking into one thing, and go from there. since your married, i believe you can take his laptop to any computer geek or store and they can unlock it for you. if you have a problem‘being alone‘ with his laptop, sneak out at night preferrably a night when you know he has to leave at a certain time the next day, hide it somewhere, like in the trunk of your car and when he looks for it, act ignorant and dismissive (like you are too busy to deal with his issue of the lost laptop) you may have to take off a little work, but wait til he cant look anymore and leaves. then take that sucker to someone to unlock it. you have alot of rights being his wife. you may need to hone up on your lying skills in order to get into his computer. for example, tell the techie guy at the store or wherever, that your husband is out of town and this is his laptop. he has contacted you asking you to retrieve a file he needs for work, but he changes his password so much that he forgot what he changed it to, or something like that. it would help if you had a friend who is knowledgable about computers to do it for you.

if you really want to know, there are infinite amounts of ways to catch him, but the real issue seems to be his ongoing coldness towards you and the obvious signs he has something going on outside the marriage.  regardless of how long youve been married, never forget you have rights, too. and if you really want to know the details of his cheating, you will have to be as sneaky as he is. but, on the other hand, if you already know without having to have evidence, my advice would be to start taking steps away from the marriage yourself. perhaps when he sees you spending more time away from home and being as secretive as he is, maybe he will look at you in a whole new light, IF you want things to work out. but, ive always followed the mantra that if a man does it once and gets away with it, he will do it again. it is up to you to set boundaries on what you will and will not put up with. you said you worked it out last time, but here it is less than a year later and the behavior has started again. you have inadvertantly let him know that you will tolerate much more bad behavior than you really want to. i dont know your entire situation, but stay strong and lean on your friends and family. and lastly, remember that you are a vital woman who deserves a husband that is there for you emotionally and physically!

Im sorry to say, especailly after reading some of the other womens stories, that what lorrie wrote a few days back may sound bitter, but its all true. there are VERY few men who can come back to their marriage a different person, willing to do whatever it takes to save the relationship. i have a close friend who dated her now-husband 2 years before he even told her he had kids. if that wasnt bad enough, she married him a couple years later and found out, only after he was laid up in the hospital from a severe accident, that he had ANOTHER kid that he never told her about. she was mad, for awhile, but she has now had her first baby with him (he has 4 now!) and seems happy enough. but i feel lies like that are unforgiveable, she has shown him its ok and she gets revenge by being a ball-breaker about his every move and phone call. she thinks shes being strong for ragging  him all the time, but no matter how aquiesent he is to her nagging, one day he will get sick of it and start lying again to shut her up. these men dont change! i dont agree with it, but i do know some women who forgave a one-time cheater and things worked out. but that could mean they got better at sneaking around or that the woman was cheating, herself, and feels equal moral footing with him now. i dunno....my advice is to LEAVE HIM!! he will not change and you owe yourself a better life than constantly wondering if he will do it again! i wish alot of women would stop getting some sick high from all the drama and chasing and realize true happiness is with a partner that makes her feel good about herself and secure in her future. not to mention the fact that some women throw themselves into a man and constantly keep him in focus, ignoring her OWN life and needs in order to live life through their man. just remember, you had a life before you met him and thats one reason he was attracted to you in the first place! take a class...get a makeover...go to the gym...go out with girlfriends once in awhile....dont break his balls if hes a little late with a birthday present or doesnt answer the phone right away....and most importantly...LOVE HIM!! make love to him as much as possible, kiss him for no reason, and treat him as your best friend and have fun with him. alot of cheaters do so because they are not getting emotionally fed at home, NOT TO SAY its the womans fault, im saying that  some men need alot of reassurance and praise.

so...to make a REAL long story short....of course you can still love a cheater, but is it love or something else mixed in? does it make you feel superior to him that hes the only man youve ever been with? do you feel, since hes your only one, that that fact alone should make him feel more love for you? because it doesnt work that way....raise your kids and show them that this kind of behavior is not ok! when your kids cry because daddy isnt home, remind them of the fact that it was HIS choice to make things the way they are and also remind them you have needs, too, and one important need is to be happy, and being with daddy doesnt make you happy anymore..

good luck! i hope you find the strength and answers inside your own heart!

im sorry to see your still in the same boat. sounds like your right on the money about the ‘birthday getaway.‘ i understand all his tech equipment is in his companies name, very convienient. looks to me like your only option may be that gps thing...i HEARD, i dont know, that if its a nextel phone, its like going to a website and calling this person and they send you a phone that you call the phone you want to track with it and then it tells you where the phone is. you can do what my boss did, he got himself one of those gps trackers to put on the underside of a car. he put it in a magnet box that stuck to the bottom of the car and she never saw it. that could be expensive, i dont know. OR you can drive to the next town, go to a radio shack, and ask the guys there to help you out with some home surveillance. i did this during my divorce....i tape recorded all our conversations with this awesome recorder the guys at radio shack helped me with, but you DO have to check the laws...i live in ohio and its ok in this state to record a conversation, as long as one person knows, like yourself. BUT, you can put a recorder in a car, your ARE married, which means to record stuff that you already own half of, like your house or a car, is perfectly ok.

as far as a divorce, you are going to be liable for your legal fees, but go ahead and file because if you site infidelity, once you have the proof you need, then it will look better if you filed first. ive been divorced once, and it can get expensive.

good luck. ;)

i just found this site...

http://www.accutracking.com/

and it look like it can work, but you will need to get a new phone and pay some money, but if it catches him or not, i think it would be worth it!

DUMP HIM GIRL! that is totally unacceptable and if you know about the ‘happy ending‘ because he TOLD you, then it sounds like hes looking to break up anyway.

it is cheating...it is wrong....and it WILL happen again. get out while the gettin‘s good!

wow...tough one...

i, pesonally, always had a problem with my man going to strip clubs. well, i relinquish for special occasions, and my husband and i got married last september and i told him it was cool to go to strip club. well, i went out of town that night for my party, and when i came home, i discovered he had taken a shower and he denied when i asked him. so, i became OVERLY upset and threatened to call off the wedding until i made him weep and beg on his hands and knees...i KNOW...a little bitchy, but for our honeymoon, i made myself go to strip club with him to provide myself "exposure therapy" so i would get over my fears. we had a good time, however, it was a little uncomfortable for me. my point is, us women are jealous folks. and if you havent noticed, alot women dress, work out, and wear makeup to impress other WOMEN, not so much men all the time. THATS why we are so jealous, WE want to be the one he gives an orgasm to and we want to be the one he gets off to. so, to answer your question, did he fondle her body in any way while he was doing it?? that would be even worse, but YES, i would have called off the wedding. its disgusting and un-called for. its ok to look at strippers, but its not ok to f- them in front of everyone, even with a strap-on.

am i reading all these posts correctly??? if you know your husband is cheating on you, why in the world would you stay??? from a fomer-habitual-cheater female to all the females being cheated on (and by the way, ive been cheated on as well) ....if they do it once...they WILL do it again. its all about BOUNDARIES ladies....if you let someone cross a boundary about fidelity, or anything else, that boundary is VERY hard to regain control of. im not saying that a relationship cannot be saved after infidelity, but it takes work and time and if you only plan on holding it over his head the rest of your time together...then he will do it again. everyone makes mistakes, but nagging, snooping, stalking, and accusing will not make your man love you...or make him suddenly realize what a great woman you are. would you want to f-up and make a mistake and listen to the backlash forever??? of course not. on the same note, would you want to stay with someone who you can never trust again??

my opinion, cheating is along the same lines as physical abuse....once the habit is there and permitted...it will go on...plain and simple.

All these other posts are right on....cut your losses...you can still admit you love him and not be with him. Perhaps you could still be friends, but that would only be possible if you were able to let go of the hurt, which is hard for most of us.

Stay strong! You can do this!

are u serious? i think this would constitute sex for money, and it sounds alot too shady to engage in.

your friends are partially right...it is a bit slutty, but most importantly, it could get dangerous. 2 guys can overpower a girl pretty easy. perhaps you should suggest bringing a willing girlfriend along so you can watch out for each other.

dont do it!

hello girls! i dont know WHY i actually read all these posts to the stupid xbox comment, but i probably did for the same reason all you guys are letting him get to you....

hes probably some little punk who isnt getting any, and all these replies is probably giving him a 2 inch rager...just ignore him....

by the way...i dont get on here much...can anyone tell me what the little flame next to the posts are?? im assuming its because members flagged abuse of the forum or something??

I am a pretty laid back person, overall. I dont freak out if my husband goes out with his friends, I‘m fun to be around, for a woman, I like to drink beer, watch football, and play cards with the boys...so I would say I‘m pretty tolerant...HOWEVER...if my husband, who is a wonderful man who I love deeply, would ever cheat on me, it could NOT be forgotten. Some women may be able to forgive, but they will NEVER forget.

You took something away from her when you strayed. Women like to feel that their husbands think they are the sexiest bitch out there, and when you have sex with someone else, it damages a woman‘s self esteem beyond belief. She will obsess about what she (the other woman) looked like, how she had sex with you, and so on. But most importantly, she will never fully trust you again. Running into the arms of another man was her way of trying to validate that she was worthy and beautiful, after you made her feel worthless.

Don‘t try and make her come back...she will only grow more distant. She is civil to you right now because she probably wants the divorce to be as smooth as possible. I would DEFINITELY not mention that you know about her affair, keep up appearances, be nice to her, and go through with the divorce. Let her go! If she comes back, all the better, but she has to do that on her own. A side-note, my grandparents were married and divorced 3 times! To each other!  So, second chances can happen...AND un-happen. Live one day at a time and move on.  

I wish you the best! Try and learn the lessons in front of you right now and use them in the future. And, when you get involved with someone else, be faithful to them! Don‘t make stupid promises you don‘t intend to keep, and REMEMBER, that quote someone said their marriage counselor said about "women grow cold from the inside out" is SO true! You killed a little of the love and respect she once had for you when you cheated, and it‘s up to her to decide whether it‘s worth saving. Good luck!

Well, your new info is interesting....she sent her son away and doesnt see him?? Thats a load of bullshit. And your right, it sounds like she didnt even give it a chance before she strayed herself...Do you KNOW this is the first affair she has had? Sounds like there may be more to her than meets the eye...perhaps your cheating was the excuse she needed to begin acting out, which she may have already done before you strayed. Don‘t underestimate a woman‘s sneakiness....I once was engaged to two men at the same time, and kept up the charade for almost a year before they both found out...and I‘m NOT saying this is all your fault....I‘m just speculating that perhaps your infidelity was the push she needed to throw herself into a mid-life crisis, of sorts. She feels morally superior to you since then, instead of trying to work it out, shes acting out some sick revenge scenerio...

And as far as all the financial help your giving her...why the hell doesnt she pay for her own divorce lawyer?? I admit, your being too nice,,,and as far as not telling her you know about her affair....after this new info...my advice would be to wait until the ink is final on the divorce, and make sure she knows that YOU know...Perhaps that will get her off her high horse.

why, because a man is christian, is he LESS likely to cheat? i think thats hogwash...i have known, personally, several couples who were devout christians, who went to church all the time, and claimed to live the 10 commandments, who STILL cheated. on the other hand, i have known many couples who are basically agnostic, and they have great relationships. dont assume religion will stop a cheater.

although, i agree with everything else...for those looking to catch a cheater...i am a reformed habitual cheater, and i can tell you from my side, that i lied constantly, and i DID pick fights to avoid real issues, and to place some blame on HIM. and the sad part was...i was caught by BOTH my fiances when they actually got together behind my back, and compared stories. but the REALLY sucky part was, neither of them left. they were mad for awhile, but i still kept both relationships for months after. it only ended with one when i ended it...so ladies...men try and get past cheating, as well, but the truth is, as long as they put up with it, i continued to do it. i not only walked all over them and really hurt them, i lost respect for them for putting up with it. although the lack of respect was more on an unconscious level, it was something i figured out years later.

me?  a bitch?  maybe...but i learned my lessons and trust me, karma HAS bit me in the ass since then. i dont post on here much, but ive said before, cheating is a nasty habit, just like smoking. it goes on all the time, just look at craigslist postings and you will see for yourself how many married guys are looking for side-action, many times with other men! chances are if you re-set your boundaries and decide to work it out with a cheater, it will most likely happen again.

bottom line of this too-long post....where theres smoke, theres usually fire.

ok...this is a touchy one because i was in this situation once, and i ended up losing BOTH as friends..

i was more friends with the guy, and when i suspected he was cheating, ( i never had solid proof to show her), i kept my mouth shut because i didnt want to f-things up IF there was nothing going on. turns out, he was cheating, and they are currently getting divorced. and the female in this situation has since written me off as a friend because i didnt tell her my suspicions. i am friends with her mother, and i DID tell her my conerns when it was happening, hoping she would tell her own daughter, but she didnt. now, i avoid the man because the whole drama-episode was too much crap for me to handle. so, i lost 2 friends and i didnt even do anything wrong...except try and stay out it..

i agree that you should follow the Golden Rule and tell her because YOU would want to know, right? she may be mad at you at first, but she will thank you one day. i always hated the "Man-Code" i always hear from my male friends that says you should never rat out a fellow man to his woman, BUT, i feel the "Woman-Code" should be full disclosure to fellow females.

i think rosie is a self-absorbed blow-hard that runs her mouth without facts.....remember that whole "911 was the first time fire melted steel" thing she said??? well, anyone with common knowledge knows she is full of it. not to mention the "ching chang ching" thing when she mocked asians....what a nasty bitch..

good riddance to her! we dont need another hate-monger on the tv.

my personal experience says i must agree with the fact that, once you get married, the focus goes away from the relationship and more on bills, kids, the future, etc. i dont see anything wrong with living with a man, as long as you dont have hopes for kids or more kids...and as long as you can live without the paper-commitment. take it for what it is...an in-the-now kind of thing. dont sit around waiting for marriage to happen, if there is no engagement BEFORE you move in, dont move in waiting for it...just assume it‘s not coming....or you could waste YEARS!

sweetheart....trust me on this...ive read your posts and one thing is clear....DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE CHARM OF A WOMAN THAT KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS!! the ducking away when you drove by...your husbands strange behavior about not willing to let them go as friends....there may be nothing happening YET...but be assured, its coming. this woman sounds like a catty, manipulative bitch...she has the BALLS to tell you she would pick him over you??? AND your husband defends her?? how much more do you need to realize something is brewing..or already cooked and served??

trust your instincts! they are usually right on. and you do NOT have to be friends with her. i still run in the same crowd as this one girl who was in my wedding just last september, and now we are not friends, but we are civil in group gatherings and say ‘hello‘, but leave it at that. i dont badmouth her to others which keeps me in much higher esteem than she is because i know she badmouths me. trust me, after awhile, others will be trashing about her to you and she wont have any real friends left in the group. let her dig her own grave! and in the meantime...if your husband refuses to stop seeing them, he obviously puts their regard higher than yours.

are you suggesting they everyone be killed once they reach "old" age?

WOW! sounds like u are going through some hell right now...im so sorry, but you have to admit, this is a blessing in disguise. did he even ASK you to move with him?

as far as the wasted years...you cant think about that. we‘ve ALL wasted years on terrible relationships that were going nowhere...or full of pain and disappointment. you must think of it as a learning experience, because it is! i doubt you would ever allow anyone else to treat you this way, but that doesnt mean you should let him go without telling him how you feel. try it! but i doubt, from the sound of this guy, he could care less. emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. they tear you down, alienate you from any sane people that REALLY care about and love you, and make you feel you dont even deserve this guy who makes you feel like shit about yourself. abusers are nothing but cowards who are incapable of a healthy relationship.

you sound like an intelligent woman, so know that you are NOT too old to start a family or find someone worthy of your love! i was with my baby-daddy for 6 years and only married for 7 months of it...and i stopped lamenting about the wasted years, and finally realized that, now, at least i knew what i DIDNT want in a relationship.

stay strong! im as old as you and i finally found a great guy to spend my life with...its never too late to be happy. trust me!

this is good advice!! as you well know, abusers are control freaks and thats probably why he didnt like the idea of you getting yourself a small apartment. and, i couldnt agree more with the idea that he may not like it out in Arizona and decide he can come back to you. does he talk about what is going to happen to the relationship once he moves? regardless...start making plans now. theres no reason you have to wait until august...because thats a long time for him to decide hes not going to go...ESPECIALLY when he comes back and sees you making plans without him...it could turn ugly. i know he hasnt hit you yet, but the escalation of abuse has been fairly slow, so just think if you decided to stay with him and how far his abuse could go...it can only get worse. ive heard stories of women who were dating verbal abusers for years, only to have it turn physical after marriage...or many years later.

if i were you, i would turn to some of my friends and such for support right now. you havent mentioned a support-source...do you have any close friends near you? i hope so...but if not...use the phone...take a small trip to see your parents or a good old friend...i suspect that anyone who loves and cares for you will be right behind you all the way when trying to get rid of this guy.

and i know you are sad...just because its a painful relationship, doesnt make it easier to leave behind. just be comforted in knowing that, someday down the road, you WILL be happy once you get rid of him for good. the operative words are FOR GOOD. i would suggest no contact after the breakup. i suspect he will try and keep you under his thumb long after he is away. you will be lonely and you will miss him, but once you get past the hurt, only relief could follow.

keep posting to let us know how you are doing. i wish you the best...and brighter days are coming, im sure!

i know busty...its a disturbing fact, but most men i know keep their mouths shut. i guess it all comes down to the fact that men think of sex differently than women. we have a hard time seperating emotions from sex, but alot of men dont have that issue. their evolutionary drive to copulate is far stronger than doing the right thing.

cheaters make me sick! im a reformned cheater, and what i did back then makes me sick to think about. it all came down to my lack of self esteem and trying to feel beautiful and sexy and all that. i never cheated with one night stands, i always started a f-ing relationship with them. i was a pig and a liar, and now i abhor them! ;) DOWN WITH THE MAN-CODE!!

see...the would have pissed me off too..."Just" sex??? i swear, some men act like animals, spreading their seed.

ahhh...i think women may be from Venus, but men are from the Planet of the Apes.

ya know...my husband hasnt really cared too much about me being on here, but im also on myspace, and i used to be REAL addicted to that when i first signed up late last year, and he would make fun of me, but it stopped there. its the same with my hubby, i can do things for free for fun, but his idea of fun is buying expensive paintball guns, and never going...or a couple hundred bucks on a box of cigars....or some new pair of shoes he DOESNT need (he has more shoes than me!) now, he wants to buy a 500 dollar shotgun for skeet shooting that i have NEVER seen him do! he said "well, if i had the gun, i would go." but i kubashed that pretty quick when i brought up the paintball gun and all the accessories he bought a couple years ago AND NEVER WENT!!

i would let him roll his eyes...i have been with my hubby for 5 years, on and off, and we just got married last fall, and i just had to take over the bills because he has such expensive tastes. if he cant compromise with you and find a cheap way to have fun, then tell him to explore EXISTING hobbies he has and see if he can expand on them. does he play pool? then let him find a league he can play in. thats not too expensive. they also have cheap bowling leagues, stuff like that. if your trying to save money, he doesnt have much of a choice...and i would keep reminding him that your womansavers website fun is totally free!!!,,,and he should be happy your not at the mall buying clothes and crap all the time. just remind him how LUCKY he is that you arent a shopaholic when he pouts.

who cares if you arent a great speller or punctuator?? i heard albert einstein couldnt spell either!

im not trying to be mean...by only two relationships with women?? lasting only days?? have you explored the possibility that you may be gay? ...NOT that theres anything wrong with that...

youll have to excuse me, but you spent considerable space blowing your own horn, and in my experience, good guys dont have to do that so much...

nothing personal, as i wouldnt know you if you came and hit me in the head with your pink purse...but perhaps you should spend less time talking about how great you are and more time working on the issues YOU have. im sorry, but your post gives me a picture of a some little, sniveling nerd who expects hot women to succumb to your every advance because you have a college degree...bleh. maybe your setting the bar a LITTLE too high.

gees....i seriously wonder WHY you have to take classes on the internet on how to seduce...you talk too much!

and who ever said i didnt like seduction sites? i dont even know what the hell you are talking about...i dont know anything about this site you speak of, nor do i care...

and, i really dont appreciate being called a loser..but whatever. i was a single mom who went back to college at 31 and just graduated last year and am going on to graduate school as soon as i can...so calling me a loser and assuming i dont take chances or know how to get out of bad situations is laughable..seems to me, you protest TOO  MUCH...if ya know what i mean...and you wonder why you cant meet chicks...hmmmm...

and, i have a nice guy, thank you. i dont think nice guys are wussies, nor do i think everyone in your situation is gay...i read your entire post which is a few minutes of my life i will never get back, unfortunately, and i asked if you were gay because you sound a little fruity, thats all.

perhaps you can take a little less time typing how great and nice you are, and spend some time in the real world...dating skills can only be learned from experience, not a website.

good luck to you!

thank you for not calling me a loser...i suspect i will sleep very well tonight because of your clarificaton...

i dont come on here to bicker...i wish you all the best...i really do...i guess my only advice would be to ignore people putting down a website that you belong to...f-them. they dont pay your bills, or even know you, so let them say whatever they want. if this site you talk about is working for you and you like it, then go for it! have you ever tried those dating sites? like match dot com and the like? i have never tried them, but it could work for someone like you who has a hard time finding someone compatible. i dunno...just a suggestion..

i have been engaged 7 times and married twice now, and i can really understand the hell dating can be...its tough to find someone you can live the rest of your life with, or even the next couple weeks! you seriously need to try and go places that interest you so you can meet women that like the same things. i dunno what your hobbies are, but try exploring them further and join in if you see something in your community that offers groups or outings, etc.

lastly, ill mention your parents, who have obviously been together for many years...IF they have a good relationship based on trust, mutual love, and they appear to best friends with each other...then live by their example! theres nothing like learning life lessons from qualified older people! and who better to think of than dear old dad when saying "what would HE do in this situation?"

again, good luck. i apologize if i offended you...i can sometimes get frisky on the computer and i was just messing with you a little bit. hey! its how i roll! if i dont make fun of my friends, in a good way, than they think something is wrong with me! but i can take a joke, too, which is also why i can say ‘im sorry‘ to someone whom ive offended.

yes, i agree. a little more info would be good...how old is your daughter? if she is under 18. you need to alert the cops...right away!

wow! this is so f-ed up on so many levels...i agree with the post that said he may have pedophile tendencies...not to mention fidelity issues, period. its one thing to go out and have an affair with someone behind your wifes back, but something quite different to sleep with your stepdaughter, whos still in high school, i presume?? cheating is cheating regardless, but this situation has major dysfunction written all over it! i think you should get yourself and your daughter in therapy right away! and regardless of whether your husband has stopped drinking and is going to church is of no matter, HE WILL regress back to his old ways, espceially since he was pushed into "being good" only because he was caught...i mean how long would this have gone on before he planned on ending it? ever?

you also need to get him out of that house immediately! regardless of how old or what gender the other kids are, he is a danger to them. also, your daughter probably still has strong feelings for him because shes young and impressionable, she probaly thought she was falling in love with him...and that will NOT go away on its own. she has got to deal with her issues in therapy of some kind...think of how warped her images of men, women, and marriage are right now?? not to mention the fact that she must harbor some jealousy towards you because of her feelings for him. and it sort of scares me that everything is just going on as normal....bullcrap! either its still going on, or it will again soon. they can not live in the same house together, or even be around each other. are you gonna wait for the other shoe to fall before doing something?

please stay strong, and get some help immediately. this could get even worse if its not dealt with.

please dont blame yourself! this guy is still abusing you by rubbing in your face that hes moving on without you. you feel guilty because thats what abusers do...they break down their partners so much that they can make it look like you drove them to their bad behavior. just get him the hell outta there...he‘s a giant ass.

i agree, its time to take action. it sounds like your miserable and my heart goes out to you. with that said, get moving on seeing that lawyer! the last post was right, start getting all your financials together and get things started. i doubt the lawyer will advise you to move, and im sorry to say, he MAY have a right to a portion of your pension. but you will never know until you see a lawyer.

what have you got to lose? you will be smarter about the situation and maybe you can start taking baby steps away from this bad marriage. good luck and let us know how things go!

i agree, dont wish bad things on him, that will come in time by his own doing...and also, i agree you have to totally let go! stop checking his phone records, stop trying to find out who hes calling, who cares? he will just continue to spread disease and pain and you need to wash your hands of it.

i know you guys go way back, but just because you think you know someone in grade school, doesnt mean you know what life events have jaded him since then...he obviously went in a direction that was different than yours, and he is simply a liar and a cheat. period. he will not change and forget all the nice things he said to you, they were all lies! dont feel stupid and dont dwell on why he doesnt love you...he doesnt and your better off! he is a relationship hound who is so insecure, he needs a laundry lists of ladies in order to validate himself.

get mad! you have SO many reasons to hate him...and the reason im saying that is that is the best way to get over someone. you have the rest of your life to think about the good times, concentrate on all the hurt and pain he has caused you and stay angry! your thinking too much, girlfriend...you may never have the answers, but by the time you realize that, hopefully you wont care anymore..

with that said, i wouldnt recommend seeing your ex husband either, romantically. you need to heal and it soudns like your just trying again with him to keep from being lonely...do both of you a favor and start to realize you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else!

i couldnt help but notice your post, pandora, about working your ass off while hubby enjoyed a beer?? dont you guys share any chores? this would really bother me, along with the eye-rolling when you want some FREE leisure time on the computer.

i would remind him that being lazy could be a hobby! its free and he seems to do it pretty well!

yeah, really. already this guy is raising red flags to his tantrum-like behavior. and after only one date! he sounds like the ultra-jealous type and also he seems to think you have a relationship already and must return his calls immediately, or else. this guy has "issues" written all over him.

totally kick him to the curb! if he had nothing to do all weekend but try and get ahold of you, then he sounds controlling, at best! leave him alone...he sounds psycho.

thats wonderful! i read your posts here and ya know what?  who cares if hes a little younger...just relax and have fun. maybe it will be fun!

wow, that guys nuttier than a squirrel turd. SO glad to hear you got out when the gettin‘ was good!

its true...it means he wants out of the relationship, and doesnt know how. so hes putting the ball in your court. he knows you would be crushed by hearing those words, and hes probably hoping you walk away. it also means hes probably a big coward!

i saw that someone from TX said that the age of consent is 17, but i venture to say that there are other charges that could be brought against him. i work for a pre-employment background check company, and you would be surprised at the charges i see come through the office...and ive seen "unlawful sex with a stepchild" and "unlawful sexual misconduct." i know you want to forgive him, but he is a criminal and theres no way your future wuth him could be bright...he has not only betrayed you, but your own daughter, and now hes trying everything he can to stay in your good graces so youll let him back in the house...dont be fooled, hes probably still drinking behind your back, and hes got his "Good Boy" mask on right now, that will quickly come off when you take him back.

you must put your hurt aside and take action! see the court about filing for a temporary visitation order, and talk to a case worker and explain what happened. i know you and your daughter want to keep this hush hush, but your only damaging you both further by trying to sweep this under the carpet.

good luck and keep us posted.

yay! im so glad to hear you got things moving. too bad you cant take a picture of his face when you say "uhhh...buh-bye" when he leaves!

i just know your hurt feelings will turn to relief when hes finally gone, and you can try and find yourself once again. i wish you nothing but the best on your new life!

keep us posted and stay up, playa!

dont you have anyone too sit with your kids for a few hours when hubby thinks you are home with them?? that would be a good time to check up on him. what does he do when hes out? or what does he SAY hes doing? does he go out with the boys alot?

and whats this business about the mutual friends house? are you suspecting they are cheating together?...need some more info on that one...

all this advice sounds great....setting the boundaries...knowing what you will and what you will NOT put up with is a good start.

im no psychologist, but i have a BA in it, and ive been through the ringer more than once...my best advice is to pay attention early on to red flags and whistles...find out about his past relationships...look at his family and upbringing...pay attention to his views on women, men, and marriage....and most of all.........

IF SOMETHING DOESNT FEEL RIGHT...THERES A GOOD REASON FOR IT!

so many women ignore their gut feeling, but there is something to be said about intuition...and no one does it better than a woman!

i agree...online chatting and emailing, without physical contact, is sometimes WORSE than a one night stand..(NOT to say those dont hurt like hell)

on the computer or in the sheets....same difference...

hey ruby...i understand you are hurt and want revenge for the crap you went through, but i have to agree with the other posts....cut your losses and move on. forget about ebay, forget about personal letters or pictures...just forget it all! burn all the shit you have pertaining to this guy...dont underestimate him to bring charges again.

this could turn violent...and nobody wants that. just simma‘ down and try and start rebuilding your life. dont let this guy kill you inside with the hatred he makes you feel. hatred will make you sick, physically and mentally. get some help, if you need to, and take care of your kids.

i hope you are getting through

 this with flying colors...although it may not seem like it on your end...;(

however, i would NOT recommend getting on antidepressants until your over this...i was prescribed Paxil when me and my last fiance broke up, and it took me two years before i decided i needed to feel SOMETHING...and then, they had to ween me off of them, and it was the worst 2 weeks of my life. i am NOT trying to throw my education around, but i have a degree in psych, and it may not be much, but ive done many papers on antid‘s and alot of research, and i would recommend behavior modification, so basically KEEP BUSY!! and concentrate on other things....the drugging of america is not something i agree with....my husband is currently on paxil, and when he goes more than a day without his dose, he gets really freaky and sad. they market it as "non-habit forming", but the brain disagrees...whenever you mess with the natural chemistry of your brain, its bound to hurt when you go off the drug...HOWEVER, i do think these med‘s have their place, just not as a "quick fix" for life‘s up and downs..

try getting mad again!! im sure you were mad at some point, remember why you‘re not with her...and remember how nice it is to not have to worry about what she‘s doing. it‘s nice, huh? try thinking positive about how far you‘ve gotten and maybe, you will get through the rough patch. remember, life is SO much better without worrying about the past. i know the cliche‘ "life is short" is overused, but its SO true. concentrate on your new love and make sure thats what you want. infidelity, and all the other horrible things our beaus do to us, are only lifes little lessons that make us smarter and wiser as the years go by....feel lucky for the time that has passed, not sorry for past decisions.

give this guy a break! to the original post..sweetie, whatever happens, its gonna happen without much on your end...this seed has been growing for along time between this girl and her ex...so resolve in the fact that youve done your best.

if she chooses to continue catering to him, its because she has a severe case of co-dependancy going on and nothing you can do will stop it or change her mind..sometimes, its better to leave stupid people alone. when you hang around with shit (ie: drama), your likely to begin smelling like it.

run like the wind!

ya know ivy, i knew alot of guys cheated, but it still surprises me how many of these guys make up the same excuses and lies for their wayward ways as they have for centuries! i think this site can be very enpowering for women who have no where else to turn, or just want an unbiased opinion on their situation.

as far as your situation, stillpissed is right, you need to find some of your own income. you will have to sooner or later anyway if you want to get away from this nutsack your with...even child support or whatever is never enough to survive on your own, unless hes a movie star or a professional athlete! nows the time to get out there and get a job of some kind, even if its at the Hallmark store! NEVER rely on a man for all your financial needs, that way if shit goes south, at least you can make it on your own. how many kids do you have?? working from home may be a good option. check into it, it may be easier than you thought to find a company who will let you work from home. with the advent of the computer age, they are way more common these days.

good luck! keep us posted...

i, too, am sort of a gun nut. i have grown up around guns my whole life as my father is an avid collector and over-all gun nut! i respect guns, as i was taught as a child, and there is a way to injure yourself in wierd ways shooting a gun. for example, i was shooting a couple years back on a hot day. i had a tank top on that was kinda low cut...NOT A GOOD IDEA! i was target shooting with a 45 calibur handgun. tons of fun, but when the shells came flying out the back, they would sometimes STICK to my chest to where i had to pull them off. they STUCK because they are f-ing hot and they were melting my skin, hence the sticking. when i went home, i looked like a dozen cigarettes had been put out on my chest.

anyone who shoots knows you never put your eye right up against the scope. all guns have a "kick" and this kind of injury is totally plausible.

and to meandnotyou, i understand your declaration of "shenaningans", but it is possible. but i understand your doubt.

i didnt see her man saying anything? where did he post?

and i dont like people f-ing with this site, either. ive noticed alot of bull-honkey on here, like advertisements for investigation services and stuff. i guess if everyone ignores them, they will stop.

and your right...her original post was pretty vague..its so hard to know your talking to a real, genuine person on sites like this.

also, meandnotyou, the money thing is right. it seems the poor girl is just trying to get people to check out his guy on google or something to get back at him for not paying up 700 bones. i dunno, but those hairs on your neck are familiar to me...i get that too. it usually means my womans intuition is kicking in. perhaps there IS more to this than meets the eye...

regardless, i hope the best for her.

basically, the post told of an accident with a rifle kicking back and splitting this poor girls face open. some think it was a sham to cover up something...so everyone has been talking about how a rifle can or cannot make an injury like that. also, he wont pony up the money to pay for her hospital bills because hes an asshole.

busty is right, this woman has been victimized, and theres no disecting that...however it happened, some feel she is lying to cover up something, or shes just venting about all the money he makes. who knows? ive just noticed there hasnt been much talk from the original poster....

ok, i dont agree with the "welfare queen" title being shot down. personally, i have been behind women at the grocery store who were dressed better than i could afford, buying steaks when i had mac and cheese in my basket, and paying with a Payease card, which is ohio‘s equivalent to welfare. its a debit/credit card they can use for their food instead of food stamps...total and utter bullshit. heres another fun story..

a couple years ago, i was strapped. i was a single mom whose dad didnt pay me shit in child support. everytime his meager payment was late, or never showed up, the child support "enforcement" agency told me i was selfish to think i deserved any money from him. they also told me they didnt care if he only paid 1 dollar a month, that showed "effort" on his part. sooo...me and my friend went down to the Jobcenter to apply for food stamps. background~both my friend and i were full time students also working part time and taking care of young kids on our own. we both lived with our parents, otherwise we would have been on the street. so...we arrived at the Jobcenter at noon...at 4PM, i was seen by some lady who told me she was about to close up shop, and i would have to make another appointment. however, my friend was in line before me and DID get to talk to some lazy-ass county worker....are you ready...heres what they told her.....

"Yes, we can help you! We are willing to give you $6.00 a month." when my friend told her that didnt even pay for milk, they replied, "well, i see you have a job. why dont you quit your job and come back to see us." BULLSHIT! we have been paying taxes and working since we were 16 years old, and she was 25 and i was 33. and ALL this after they made us watch a movie telling us "public assistance is NOT a way of life."

so, instead of helping out a couple women who REALLY needed it and were trying to better themselves through school and still continuing to work, and who were only looking for temporary assistance, they turned her away and i never kept my appointment, because i didnt see a point.

moral of the story...public assistance is f-ed up and i need to get off my soapbox now, or i risk downing an entire bottle of wine tonight.

bleh.

thank you touche!! drug tests for those lazy f-k‘s because i have to be drug tested to get paid at a JOB, so i can take up smoking weed, sit on my ass, get pregnant, and get paid for it..

sounds good to me.

1. his job location and atmosphere sucks, but thats not the ‘iffy‘ part. the bad part is the nicknames and inappropriate behavior. he should only be calling you these names, or at best, a very close mutual friend, not hussies at work. his personality has nothing to so with it...this is not acceptable, in my book.

2. licking cheek is not cool! and him being her boss, he allows it and he needs to stop this right now! he‘s blaming all this crap on the girls, but girls dont behave that way, no matter HOW young they are, to their manager if they are not provoked in some way. this crap happens because he encourages it..

3. the cake follows along the same lines, a manager/employee relationship does not allow this. they may be flirting with him to get better hours and the ability to slack off a little at work, but regardless, if he loves this kind of attention so much, sooner or later, he will succumb to a woman who means business. the red flags are flying!!

4. yeah, hussies yelling in the background only gives more weight to the fact that hes open to this kind of attention, and is more likely to cheat. the fact that he is ignoring your boundaries is f-ed up as well. you have told him how much this bothers you, yet he keeps doing it. lack of respect..plain and simple.

5. this "friend" wants your husband, period. and she cant even be sneaky about it! the old saying, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" fell deaf on her ears...she wants him so badly that she disrespects you and he doesnt even care or confront her, OR end the "friendship". and NO WAY do messages get erased by themselves. he takes you for stupid, and if your not, then you need to stand firm.

6. checking out chicks is normal even for the happiest of married men, but they have to learn to do it without being a dick about it, and he just doesnt care if you notice or not. ANOTHER red flag to be aware of...he obviously does not hold your feelings in very high esteem. your future together doesnt look good to me.

and who cares that he was a former fatty? does he use this as some kind of excuse to act like a horny bastard?

all this coupled with the lack of sexual appetite at home, makes me think hes already cheating. and if hes not, its only a matter of time.

depression is another red flag. depression can make people do crazy things. but in NO way is that an excuse, either. his mental problems are becoming YOUR mental problems. it just sounds like another crutch for him to get your sympathy and to get you to shut up about his behavior. LET him turn it around on you, its up to you to set boundaries, but i fear that you have let him get away with too much already.

my advice after this long post....start looking and become a detective. follow him when he says hes working late....pop in at work and make yourself well known around the hussies. if you make friends with one of them, all the better. who knows what hes saying about you at work??!! but bottom line, start snooping. if you need proof, thats the only way. but you have to be sneaky! if that means you have to be nice to him when your seething inside, then do it. when he doesnt think your watching is the best time to catch him, if tangible proof is what u need.

all these events may sound like not TOO much alone, but put them all together, and i see a huge problem. dont ignore your gut feelings, im sure they are right on!

omg TOW, you have made my day! i was wondering why people from overseas were criticizing the US. and, the patriot act may not be perfect, but damn it, id rather have something in place than nothing.

and as long as you keep on the right side of the law, what have you got to worry about?

i agree. she messed up, and she must pay the consequences. either you go or she doesnt!

and she should be GRATEFUL for that ultimatum. just like she should be grateful your still with her at all.

no, of course not. i didnt agree with your logic, but that doesnt mean i was offended. i enjoy healthy debate!

i just didnt agree when you brought up the sterilization thing about the minorities. i just feel the past is just that, and today, minorities in America have way more advantages than I have as a white woman today. And I have NEVER heard of that sterlization story, so maybe I‘m ill informed, but all I know is that I can‘t get a county job where I live because I‘m not black or hispanic. So you‘ll have to excuse me when someone who doesnt live here comments on how things are. No offense.

America sucks in many ways, but I would still rather live here than anywhere in the world! We really have no reason to complain, we got it pretty good, all in all. But its fun to complain anyway! ;)

yay! im proud of you. its so hard to leave a bad relationship, sometimes harder to leave than an OK one..

stay strong...lean on your friends and family..and keep up the no-contact. no matter how much he begs or tries to show he changed..stand your ground. it will show him you are strong and are not willing to put up with any shit.

bravo! ill keep you in my thoughts!

sounds like everyone is working together on this one...your hubby, the whore, AND his boss.

if you continue to "police" his behavior, hes only going to get better at hiding it. the seeds for deception have already been planted and now they are growing...i think it might be time to leave him..

i know this happened a year ago, but the fact that he continues contact with her should tell you that its not over, and doesnt look like it will be anytime soon.

dont you wonder what hes telling her? his boss? that your a controlling person who watches his every move? he is probably getting sympathy for how "badly" you treat him, so his boss will tell you anything to make you happy. many men use this tactic...."oh please feel sorry for me! im in a loveless marriage to a control freak and she makes me feel SO bad about myself.." who cares what he cries to you and begs to you...hes a liar and usually a zebra doesnt change its stripes, even when you try and force him to. and TOW is right, you cant make him do the right thing. either he wants to or he doesnt, plain and simple.

typical cheater behavior. i used to start stupid fights, too, to cover up my going to be with another man. i dont cheat anymore, as age and experience and KARMA broke me of that, and i guess i grew up a little too. but regardless, he started a fight so he could get out of the house and be with this other woman. the fact that he still denies it after you have tangible proof, only shows his blatant disregard for you and your relationship, not to mention he takes you for stupid.

may i ask, why arent you both divorced??

ok, i have some guy friends that are uncut, and they just laugh at the stupid "sweater" and "turtleneck" jokes we make about them..my mom says my dad isnt, and she tried to get me to not circumsize my son, but i did. i have slept with a couple guys who werent, and it doesnt feel much different, however, it IS different from a cut one. during foreplay its most noticeable, but inside, its all gravy. (by ‘gravy‘, i mean the same;)

my advice, try one. dont be scared because it look kinda looks wierd. lets be honest, theres a evolutionary reason women arent as turned on by looks as we are attitude. the male genitalia leaves something to be desired aesthetically.

thank god a womans‘s body is beautiful, and men are turned on by sight!

4. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer, "pretty good shit."

im f-ing dying! i love that one!

i may be going against the grain here, but i wouldnt freak out just yet. after all, he did quit his job...which shows alot...

however, this girl was obviously after him. soo. with that said, if he said he ended their friendship, then i would believe him, but be on guard. if he starts acting funny again, OR if you see her number anywhere on his phone, then i would have to consider that he was cheating. just be aware...once a man is confronted with accusations once, he will be more careful next time IF he has something to hide.

be careful and smart! i SO like that you stood your ground and, by doing so, you set a boundary in your relationship, which tells him this is NOt something you will put up with in the future. good going!

good luck! and keep us posted!

maybe hes trying to make a  peaceful break..maybe im crazy, but maybe hes trying to make it easier on both of you...HOWEVER...

the "ole‘ lady" comment is NOT cool. does he think you will be around when he moves away? does he think he can call you whenever he finds himself lonely out in the desert?

i would simply make it more known that this is not going to break you. i KNOW your hurt, but you must not show him this. you have shown him for along time how you feel and if he goes a couple months without feeling your love and commitment, all the better.

he sounds like a mind-fuck kinda guy. which translates into passive aggressive. hes hoping you will change your mind and start kissing his ass again.

 isnt it cute when abusers suddenly turn nice-guy when you take a tiny step away from them?? let him make your gin and tonics, let him go get you food, let him kiss your ass for awhile, but dont make the mistake of believing he has suddenly changed, because he hasnt, hes just posing.

keep us posted!

hi miss luvly, i just sat and read this whole thread and i totally feel for you. im so sorry for the loss of your dad, he sounds like he was a good man, and now his pain is over and hes in god‘s hands.

regarding your sister, she sounds like she has really damaged you and any relationship you too could have had as adults. the sexual abuse by her husband, how she treats her own kids, it sounds like she needs help, and no amount of wishing on your part is gonna make a stable relationship spring up between you two. my advice would be to concentrate on the relationship you have with your mom, and your own family. you need to leave the negativity out of your life so that you can continue to heal as an adult after all the bullshit you have been through...i couldnt even imagine going through even a little of what you have...you must be so strong to be able to talk openly about all these terrible things. and your nephew, i agree that taking him in may sound like the right thing to do, but regardless, you need to keep your family safe, and this kid needs more help than you can give him.

and you cant think about if your sister feels guilty about all shes done to you or not...she is an angry person who will probably never change. making someones funeral all about her is typical of anti-social personality disorder. also, im sure she has many other problems, but from what youve said, she is manipulative, controlling, selfish, and cruel-hearted...all hallmarks of anti-social folks. just leave her out of your life...cut off her phone, cut off contact with her for awhile, your only asking for more bullshit and drama to continue to cater to her by letting her treat you this way.

you sound like such a strong, kind-hearted woman and i wish you the best! keep us posted as to how your doing and love that family of yours. and be there for your mom, im sure she needs a kind soul right now after losing her husband.

hi png! i read this, but im having a hard time understanding, esp. number 3?? what blacklist? fired from what? dead or in jail? im not following what your getting at, so i cant properly respond. but ill try for sake of boredom right now...

1. yes! i feel everyone is created equal and i refuse to pay for the indiscretions of my ancestors. true, minorities have been treated unfair in the past, but today, things are much different. i dont sit around and wait for a hand-out from the government, i have worked since i was 16 years old and i went back to school when i was 29 years old. i dont owe anybody anything. NOT to say minorities are the only ones sucking on the governments tit, i dont care what color you are, i expect everyone to work just as hard as me to get where im at. i pay my taxes, i vote in every election..even the small local ones, and i try and keep informed. not by watching the biased news, but by reading and getting out there in the world to see how things are first-hand.

2. what does this mean?? we own our home, and we pay our taxes. but i feel that those who rent or just want a large school levy to pass, should have NO right to vote on increases to property taxes. they do not own property, therefore they should not have a say whether or not my taxes go up. i dont feel they should help pay my property taxes, either. i think you may be a little confused as to how things are over here...

3. listen png, i hate politicians just as much as the next person. every election, i feel myself not voting for the "best" person for the job, i feel like im choosing the lesser of two evils. i know the government is corrupt in many ways. did you know, my british friend, that millions of americans have no health insurance for them or their kids because the costs are so high and many employers dont even offer it anymore, or its too expensive? and i DO blame the governemnt on that. they have failed to put a cap on the high rates insurance companies charge and these big business fucks get paid ridiculous salaries. insurance companies are crap.

and back to the congress, they have a health plan thats the best in the world. they get everything paid for, and it comes out of our pockets, the same people who pay through the nose for even a little coverage. they have crazy high salaries, as well, and they dont even work the whole year. so, yes, i do blame our government for much of the problems in my country, but i also blame lazy, selfish assholes who leach of our system and drive my taxes up. did you know that in the past couple days, immigrants have been protesting and rioting trying to get better treatment here in the US, and actually want more privileges than people who are citizens?? they already get paid social security benefits when they havent paid into the fund at all. they get free medical care, among alot of other things, yet they cry they are being discriminated against?? and DONT tell me welfare queens and minorites cant fight back, please, they have groups and organizations that fight for them, and i have nobody fighting for me. and you know what else? capitalism has worked pretty good over here, and thats why in america‘s short history, we have become a superpower and an overall great place to live. capitalism teaches that you must work hard for what you want, and if it means leaving behind the lazy fucks who arent willing to educate themselves, have a job, or contribute to society AT ALL, then so be it.  

but dont be mistaken, i do believe there are poor families who work and get nowhere, and i dont mind paying taxes so that their children can have a roof over their heads and  healthy food to eat. the BIG diference is that the families i want to help are at least trying to make a living and trying to do right by their kids. i DONT believe in helping some bitch who spreads her legs and makes baby after baby just to keep the checks coming...or some asshole criminal who cant stay out of jail, or some pig of a man who keeps impregnating women and refuses to work or pay for the children he has had.

and i dont know what you mean by "blacklist", probably something the british media feeds you. there are plenty of people who question the governement, and with the advent of the communication age, we are more informed than ever about how things are running in washington.

please try reading some stories from real americans and educate yourself with facts, not philosphy, about how our country is operated. you are obviously ill-informed.

i just checked it out. it may very well be downloaded when you search for porn and it pops up, and it will show up on history, even if you just clicked out of it.

but if theres anything more than just a history of it, then it probably was "checked out" by whoever was looking at the porn.

Hilary is a joke, and the sad thing is that Obama aint much better...did you all know that both these clowns voted for bills allowing immigrants to draw from social security? i had an email a couple weeks back showing the names and states of all the senators that voted for it and there they were, just ONE more reason to kubash them both...and im sure everyone heard about Obama now being protected by the secret service?? more of our hard-earned tax dollars at work...bleh..

i dont consider myself republican, nor democrat. i took a test once to find out what my true politcal affiliation should be, and it came up "Libertarian." does anyone know if that means i‘m a douchebag? i dont know....it sounds like i may be a douchebag...need some input.

i just recently heard of some staggering statistic that says like 8 million men are currently raising children that arent theres, but who they THINK is theirs.

what the hell? are men that stupid? or are women that smart?

these are terrible, but my best gay friend told me these..

what does a gay horse eat??  HAAAAAAAAAYY

how can you tell if your at a gay barbeque? because the hot dogs taste like shit.

how can you tell if your roommates gay? his dick tastes like shit.

ok...im done. you guys have probably heard those before....i apologize..still trying to wake up..;)

yeah..it sounds like just a goof from looking up porn. i wouldnt worry about it too much right now. as long as your checking his history and keeping the communication lines open, it sounds like your man just likes to watch porn...nothing unusual about that!

i told my husband the same thing...as long as hes honest about it...and it doesnt negatively affect your sex life...its perfectly normal. my husband would clear the history, and i would know anyway because i would look and see that sites i went to werent there, so i knew he cleared it. im not computer savvy at all, but i told him to just be truthful about it...and now he is.

unfortunately, a man does not learn his lesson about cheating when he keeps having a place to "call home."

sounds like you started to find yourself again! yay for you! keep having fun and leave the loser alone...its SO much easier to smile and have a good time when you dont have the worry of a cheater at home.

keep belly-laughing and stick to your convictions! good luck!

perhaps i should be sterilized??? yippee! i want another kid (i only have one) like i need another hole in my ass.

thanks chaos! do you know where i could get that done free? or is there a dummy book on the shelves about it? like "home sterilization for dummies?"

"Some people feel so worthless that they can‘t make themselves feel good unless they put someone else down. "

Rhiannon wrote this, and i couldnt have summed it up better. let me tell you a little about my mom, star...

she has put me down my whole life. i wasnt allowed to have friends over in grade school, i wasnt allowed to do anything, like go to a sleepover, unless she had weeks notice and talked to the parents at least twice about it...she was constantly comparing me to my older sister who was "perfect"....not to mention the insults and insuating that i couldnt make any good decisions on my own. although i got great grades in school, i still liked to get together with friends and go out, which my perfect sister never did. my mother felt i should have no friends and sit at home with her and my sister all the time. 

all this smothering caused me to move out at 18 and i went nuts! i did drugs, i drank to excess, and became promiscuous. i was never able to spread my wings and be my own person, and i didnt know how to handle mommy not being around judging everything i did. i finally got my shit together, and decided to go back to school when i was 29. she told me it was the stupidest thing i could do and i would never make it, as i was a single mom and living in her basement for lack of anywhere else to go...but you know what?? i went back to school, got my degree in psychology, and now im married to a great guy who loves me and my son, and i did it all by myself! and YOU can too!

i had to pay for my own college, although she(my mom)  paid for my sister...i had to pay for my own wedding, although she paid for my sisters, and she bailed my sister out of credit card debt a few years ago, but there was no money for me when i had to file bankruptcy. but this all taught me that i had to do it on my own...so i applied for financial aid, i took out federal student loans (try, if possible to stay away from other loans as they are harder to pay back than the federal ones), and i stayed away from credit cards for 8 years...and now im doing wonderful!

my point is...its time to break free. your mom makes you feel terrible about yourself, and that must end. once you get out and start doing things to better yourself, i doubt mom‘s biting insults will bother you as much. and you know what?? my mom doesnt resort to insults as much as when i was younger, because i made something of myself and decided to not let her talk to me or make me feel shitty again.

so get out there! your 20, so try getting a job at a local restaurant or the mall, anywhere close to a bus stop, and im sure you will start making friends there! contact your local community college as they are so much cheaper and you can start out there and finish up at a 4 year university for your degree, which is what i did. i know you have to get your GED first, so start looking for where and how to do that...perhaps the community college can point you in the right direction for that.

now‘s the time! good luck and keep posting to let us know how its going!

i dont know what you whole situation is, but i know alittle about depression, and it can be pretty tough living with it...my advice would be to keep him out of the house until he is willing to face up to his illness. depression does not go away on its own, nor does a change of environment make it better. he needs to be clinically diagnosed and possibly put on medication. he may have other disorders and only a trained professional could determine that.

i wouldnt know what to expect during the seperation, but i do know that until he gets help, your problems will not solve themselves. no matter how much he may try and convince you otherwise.

busty!! love the new avatar!!

"i put my hands under my arms and smell them, like this! its bad, i know its bad."

hysterical! long live Mary Catherine Gallagher!

although i dont agree with half of what republicans preach, i always tend to vote that way. id rather have a republican than a democrat anyday...i rather treasure the fact that i can go to the airport without being worried im gonna blow up next to some guy with a backpack.

so....republican it is!

oh sweetie...first, id like to say how sorry i am that your going through this...he sounds like a real plank (see! i tried to use a british term instead of saying "asshole" or "nutsack")

the fact that your far away from home is not good...and i understand why its so hard to leave. do you have a job? a car? any friends that could temporaily put you up? the reason im asking is this sounds like a real bad situation that you need to get out of asap. i KNOW its easier said than done, but you dont deserve to be treated this way, and you certainly dont deserve for him to bring you home a little something extra ie:a disease.

think about the fact that he keeps turning everything around to be YOUR fault and avoiding the confrontations....he is a typical cheater. he is not only disrespectful to your feelings, but hes also a complete liar who will not change. and he gives out his phone number to anyone who asks on the internet?? sounds like he is open to sleep with anyone and he may be a sexual addict. sounds like a slew of bullshit that will only get worse as time goes on..

why dont you try withholding sex from him?? besides that it may be your only weapon against him, it could realistically save your life. who knows how many women hes sleeping with?? find your self respect and steer clear of him in the bedroom. maybe he will listen to that.

good luck and try and keep your head up...and always remember, you dont deserve this and it has NOTHING to do with you. this is in NO way your fault, and i hope you know that. this is his problem, so try not to think that way.

well, he may be a regular guy with flaws, but you dont have to make them your problem.  heres my input..

DO NOT let him take you away from your friends or your free time. if he wants to slob around your house, so be it. but if you have plans that dont include him, just leave. now is the time to set your boundaries in the relationship. set a boundary that shows him you have your own life away from him. after all, didnt you have all that before he came around? the fact that he wants all of your time is a big red flag. he sounds insecure and possibly controlling. if you need free time and he wont give it to you..TAKE IT! you owe him nothing, hes only been around for a short time and it is not his place to comment on your friends, male or female, and how much time you spend away from home.

DO NOT let him move in with you....thats another red flag. the fact of him trying to move right in after such a short time sounds like another sign of controlling behavior. he wants to be around all the time to watch you, and thats not good. also, it sounds like hes looking for a lover/mommy who will sleep with him, AND pick up his dirty socks. and the fact that you have to tell him how to act is not good either. perhaps you can be hard to live with, but thats not the issue here. the issue is whether or not YOU can live with HIM. besides, who‘s to say things wouldnt DRASTICALLY change after he moved in? because, thats usually the case. the romantic, thoughtful man you fell for could be replaced with a slouch who doesnt want to work and barks orders at you from the couch. my philosophy is you wait at least a year before you think of co-habitating. you usually weed out the suckers by then..

i would keep my distance from this one. if you want to date, so be it, but dont allow him to run your life in ANY way...if he is a control freak, then it will come out once you exert your independence and keep your friends and family close. he has no right to tell you who to talk to...he hasnt been around enough to earn that right.

its all about BOUNDARIES. once you let them be crossed, its near impossible to gain that ground again. let him know EARLY what you will and will not put up with. if you guys are truly compatible, then he will respect your privacy, your friends and family, and your boundaries.

good luck and keep us posted!

im concerned about the fact that you dont talk to your family about this. if he gets mad, so be it. you need some support, and he sure as hell isnt giving it.

i know other people have expressed that a man losing his job can be terrible for his psyche, but you said he has been out of work on and off the entire time youve been together...sounds like hes pretty used  to not being the breadwinner. and if you ask me, hes FAR too comfortable with it. ive heard that lame-ass excuse before, "i wont take a lower paying job than i deserve." well, i would say to him, "listen bigshot, if you dont get a job flipping burgers or bagging groceries in the next 2 weeks, then forget about going to the gym."  the gym is a LUXURY you cannot afford. if he wants to continue to sit on his ass, then cancel the gym membership, and tell him to lift some canned goods for a workout...OR tell him working a job  is GREAT for working off calories.

this guy needs a JOB, period. not only for your finances, but for his sanity. do you have him on an allowance? because i would certainly not let him have full access to your bank accounts.

i understand you are quiet and un-assuming, but its time to grow a pair. you make the money, so you have every right to set reasonable rules. and trust me, your son will be ok. kids are real resillient, and besides, he deserves a chance at a better life. and he doesnt need to learn male-responsibility from a man who has none. think about it, he watches him sit around, complaining and ordering you around. what is that teaching him about male-female relationships? i venture to say he would be better off without him in his daily life, as are YOU.

time for some tough love! he says hes unhappy, well lat-de-da...so are you. and you cannot control his happiness, only he can. however, you can control your happiness, so do it! you work hard, your a good mom, and you dont have to take shit from ANYONE, even your husband.

kick his lazy ass out. tell him when he gets his head right, AND a job, you can talk about moving back in. but the longer you put up with this, the longer he will continue to walk all over you.

theres nothing wrong with a woman being the breadwinner, but it IS a problem when the man refuses to work and you guys are in the hole financially. dont make it so easy on him....make him do the right thing. and if he doesnt, show him the door.

ok, i have never dated a woman, but i have some gay girlfriends, and the cheating factor is the same whether its a girl or a guy. how long has it been since you only dated women, or have you always dated women? the reason im asking is because i have known alot of lesbians and sometimes, they find women who WANT to be gay, but still revert back to heterosexual ways with men.

i would find out more about this guy she used to have a relationship with. does he know you guys are dating? has she had other homosexual relationships before you? if you clarify a little bit, advice would be easier.

the best advice for anyone in a new relationship is to pay attention to the red flags. if you guys are exclusive in your relationship, then make it clear that contact with this guy, especially if he still wants her, would probably not be a good idea. she should have no problem with this if she really loves you and respects your feelings. but, its pretty early in the relationship, so first and foremost,,,have fun! but keep your eyes open. if youve been cheated on before, then you know the signs already. and theres nothing wrong with a little snooping. check her phone, pay attention to wierd behavior, like leaving the room to talk on the phone, or a sudden drop in sexual appetite, or any of the other things that can trigger old feelings of betrayal.

i do sympathize with you. i have many gay friends and its so much harder to find someone who‘s compatible with you. and, i think with women its even harder because if they have had men before, then they may not have gotten it out of their system. not to mention women are a bit smarter than men about the emotional side of a relationship, and catching them in a lie can be way more difficult.

good luck and keep us posted!

well, i THOUGHT i had a urinary tract infection from having sex alot, with 2-3 partners at the same time (not at the EXACT same time, but you know what i mean). although condoms were used, i still got them. i havent had one in like 12 years, so maybe it was the promiscuity.....OR all the nights out with the girls OR eating fast food all the time...i dunno...but it seems alot of things could be the cause of an infection of that sort...however!! i know symptoms of std‘s such as chlymidia and gonnorhea may be similiar to a urinary tract infection....best to see a doctor.

you might be onto something...im anxious to see if anyone has info on this?? maybe you should post in the health issues forum...

first off, id like to say how sorry i am that your going through this...with that said..

ok, this has been going on for 3 years?? sounds like more than a little fling. and the fact that he is STILL calling her is not good...i doubt hes ready to leave the affair, especially now that its out in the open. and, im sorry honey, but hes lying to you bigtime...regardless of her little suicidal temper tantrums, he should not let her get to him like that...it only shows how much he cares about her. if it was JUST sex, then he could cut her off with no problem, but he cant leave her alone and that says to me that he has no intention of ending it.

i know he has been doing "all the right things" since you found out...but IS he?? the right thing to do would be to cut her off completely, but he keeps lamenting about her suicidal tendencies....well who gives a shit? he should be working his ass off to reassure YOU, not worry about if little miss thing is going to off herself. and, frankly, i highly doubt she would actually do it...not that you or your husband should care.

again, im so sorry for your situation, and im also sorry if i sound a little harsh, but my advice to you would be to get him out of the house. let him stay at a friends, or his mothers, or a hotel until you can work this out. if you dont show him that this is NOT going to be tolerated, he will do it again. if he feels his place is truly with you, then he will have no problem with leaving to let you sort out your feelings...and YOUR feelings are what he should be completely focused on right now.

cheating is cheating, but theres a difference between a one night stand and an ongoing affair. the fact that it went on this long only shows an emotional attachment between them and you SO need time to get over this without him clouding your thoughts with how HE feels. and, the fact that his behavior didnt change at home and that fact that you had NO idea this was going on also shows that hes a master liar and manipulator. if he was able to hide this for so long, then how do you know this was the only affair??

i wish you all the best, and again, im sorry if i sound cold in my advice, but trust me on this...he WILL do it again if you allow him to get away with it this time. your self esteem has been hurt, your ego bruised, and your heart broken, and those feelings will not go away if you just brush this under the carpet. just think, every time after this that he acts funny, you will be wondering if hes cheating again...and lets face it, snooping and checking up on him will become an everyday occurrence and you may NEVER regain trust in him. you owe yourself more than living like that....and he owes you more as well.

cozy, i agree with all these lovely ladies, its time to take action. if he wants to co-habitate, then fine! half the food, half the bills, half the housework. if your half happens to be messy, so be it, tell him if he doesnt like it, he can move. this guy is a giant assbag.

ok, i know your hurt, but please gather your strength, for yourself and your son, and put your foot down, he has all but told you he wants out of the relationship, so make it easier on him by letting him go.

please stay strong! and you can message me anytime and ill try my best to be an impartial ear, i promise!

oh sweetheart, you sound SO down! ;( and understandably so..

first off, STOP thinking his nasty attitude has anything to do with you. if he complains about how you look, then tell him your cancelling the gym membership and your going to the salon for a day and get your hair done. also, about the parrot poop....this does sound like a reasonable bone of contention, so, compromise with him. if he doesnt want the bird in the kitchen, just try your best to keep it out. but theres way more here than a dirty bird...he seems to be coming up with more and more to complain about, and he has NO idea how much it has to do with HIM!

the reason your depressed is a chemical imbalance, but life circumstances have lead you down this path of sadness...maybe its time to see the doctor. you mentioned that you carry benefits, so use them. and maybe if you get the depression treated, then other things will start to fall into place. i would also mention to the doctor how your having anxiety, because they have great stuff for that, too. i would just bet that once you feel better, you‘ll look better, have a cleaner house, and not need as much sleep.

but, the problem with your husband will still be there after the depression has subsided. i understand he has worked hard during your marriage, so what has changed? losing that company? perhaps he is depressed, as well, but thats not your problem right now...your issue is to get well in the head and not trying to fix him, OR please him. trust me honey, NOTHING you do will make him better. you could look like Halle Berry and cook and clean like Martha Stewart, and he will still find something to complain about, and there you are down the same path of frustration, low self esteem, and sadness once again. the point is, you must get well without him clouding you up and bringing you down.

and i understand he is a good father in your opinion, but treating you this way in front of him is not being a good role model. im not saying you should prevent him from seeing his son, im saying that there is healing to do, and it will never get done with him around in his condition.

and forget about the motel, if you cant afford it, then whats the use? and you work from home, so why dont you suggest HE leave for awhile?? i would make sure he will give you some of that money he makes from the latest job, and you dont have to be a bitch about it...it doesnt have to get nasty...just calmly tell him that you love him, but it may be the best thing for your marriage to separate for a spell...that you need to heal and work on things in YOUR life. you can even blow sunshine up his ass and tell him it could only make you a better wife and person to just leave you alone for awhile.

cozy, why dont you confide in your family?? you need them right now, and its definitely worth a try. im sure they have noticed your recent financial struggles, and im sure they have noticed you arent happy at the moment, im sure it wont be a big surprise to them to hear the whole story. YOU CANT DO THIS ALL BY YOURSELF!! its time to open up and let someone in.

chaos40 wrote:

Fifi Larue wrote: chaos40 wrote: SUNNYFL wrote: chaos40 wrote: BustySpumonte wrote: Cozy wrote: Well, girls, I got the courage to go talk to him.......in a nice way. And guess what? As I walked out to talk to him, he has just got a call for a tile job and he was working out a price. (Oh, he‘ll probably make $300---so he felt like a big shot )....when I told him my feelings about this, he turned the whole thing around and said that he is unhappy with ME---that I sleep too much----that I am too depressed----he doesnt like the mess from the pets, but he doesnt want to force me to get rid of them---he thinks I am a pig because he thinks he cleans better....says we have nothing in common....He said he doesnt want to leave his son, that maybe we should just live together sensibly, out of eachothers way. I told him if he doesnt love me than I cannot live with him. When I told him I am stressed and depressed, and thats why I sleep, he didnt want to hear it. He says he cant live with my "downness"  Oh, he also said we will have the 1500 rent next month. I have no idea how! He also thinks he does more with my son and is a better father than I am a mother---including cooking.  My clothes are not the best....hey, we have no money---I cant look my best right now....This is why I was afraid to talk to him. I told him I have always stood behind him, but this is a bit much.... I‘m sitting here crying at work. Hey if he wants to play roommates for awhile great.  He can pay for half of EVERYTHING plus his gym membership. And he can sleep on the couch.  This will give you a chance to sock away some get away money and put a plan in motion for leaving him.  Sorry but 300 bucks don‘t cover much these days, he needs to keep packing the ol pipe for future business.  Cause if he can‘t pay his half you can get a new ROOMMATE!!   PS.  If you are really this depressed you need to talk to your doctor.  Do it for you and your son! why does HE have to sleep on the couch... would it not be fair to flip a coin? He has to sleep on the couch  because he is the asshole that wont work and wants to hang out at the gym.  He is the asshole that is treating his wife like crap. Does this mean they are NOT flipping the coin? yes, chaos, it means there will be no coin flipping...just kicking his lazy ass to the couch. but wouldn‘t a coin flip be the fair and noble thing to do?

absolutely no. if he caught the coin mid-air, and ran out to buy an energy drink with it...there he is...back at the gym.

she needs to keep her money close.

hey there, cozy! im glad to hear your gonna talk to someone today, im sure i speak for everyone by saying how proud we are! taking the first steps to change your life are never easy, but i promise its worth it!

and it sounds like your son does need some help on his own. oftentimes, OCD is totally treatable with some behavior modification and exposure therapy, which is when they make you slowly confront your fears head on, like making a person afraid if spiders actually HOLD one and stuff like that. they just dont throw you in a room full of spiders, its a very slow, gradual process. it might help him! but only a trained professional can make that decision. hes only 11, so getting him help now for his issues will no doubt prevent some problems in the future. and yelling at him is totally not the answer, but you already know that.

it sucks that you both walk on eggshells around your husband. you really need to get him out, and im glad to hear your seriously thinking about it. i dont know everything, and i certainly dont know you personally, but from what youve said here, it would be best for everyone involved. the only way your husband is going to confront his problems is to take care of himself, for a change. he has had you for a crutch long enough.

as far as your last question in your post, yes, people do grow apart, but there are many other issues here that are thrown into the mix. so, its not "as easy as that." and you have to be prepared for alot of things not being easy in the coming months if you decide to do this...its gonna be hard, so you have to be strong for yourself and your son. just build a support system of friends and family, even if its only a couple people, and the long road to recovery wont seem so bad!

dont sweat it honey, men are animals who really enjoy using their body as an amusement park. when i met my now husband, he was 31, and rubbed one out at least twice a day. he is now 37, and now that he gets regular sex from me, he has cut it down to about 4-5 times a week. sound excessive? maybe, but after many long talks and frustration, i realized that its just what some guys do. i know a happily married couple, and the man says he will NEVER stop jerking it. my husband still looks at porn for his amusement, and as long as he doesnt talk to anyone online, and simply looks at the nasty-ass pictures, i have to look the other way.

HOWEVER, if my sex life were to ever subside, or his interest in me would ever wane, i WOULD have a problem with it. the issue is that it makes us feel less than attractive when they are looking at other women in pictures, who are airbrushed and perfect, and we feel they must think they are more attractive than us...NOT TRUE! its just a guy-thing, nothing more. but i would watch him and make sure it stops at pictures, but pictures can always lead to something else, so just keep your eyes open.

also, talk to him about it. tell him your concerns, in a non-judgmental way, and see what he has to say. from what it sounds, it just sounds like a horny young man who likes porn and nothing else. trust me, i have been through the gambit about this topic with my husband, so be assured i kinda know what im talking about. men are visually driven, and looking at pictures, and strippers and the like, is in no way a reflection on your relationship. a healthy sexual appetite is perfectly normal, and some guys just have more of it than others.

if he really cares about you, then he will listen to your concerns and try and out your worries to rest, but its all in how he reacts. if he blows up at the fact that you looked at his computer, then he may be trying to hide something else, but if he listens to your feelings with respect, then give the guy a break!

guys are sick, disgusting perverts, and have been since the dawn of time. i always know when my husband has waxed his own thing when the google history has been erased for the day. i always say something to him about it, and now he says he wont do it. he just doesnt want me to see the sick shit hes looking at, because i have a very twisted curiosity about such things. im not gonna lie, we used to fight alot about it, but ive had to throw my hands up and realize i have a great guy, who just enjoys his porn. try watching it with jim, if your stomach can take it, it could be fun!

i know alot of women have very strong feelings about their men looking at porn, and i used to, as well. i STILL dont like it and would rather he didnt, but every relationship demands compromise and ive chosen to compromise on this one, and he doesnt get pissed about having to drive my son around, or letting me sleep in while he gets my son ready for school, or letting me go on a girls trip to vegas in a few weeks, and he treats me with respect and love. the way i figure it, i can have my after work parties with my friends and sit on the computer for hours at night sometimes, i can make plans without consulting him first, and he can look at porn a few times a week. sounds fair to me.

good luck!

shally wrote:

I‘m a grown woman and I still laugh when people use the word weenie.

"weenie" is good, but im partial to "monkey", i cant say it without smiling.

monkey shit, monkey farts, monkey sex, monkey brains, monkey nut, monkey art, monkey wrench, monkey shoes...

you can put the word "monkey" in front of anything that could be hairy, strong, foul smelling, or difficult to deal with.

"monkey" is the word for me.

hey TOW, has fred put his hat in the ring yet?

and speaking of illegal immigrants, did you see on the news how those shitbags who were planning a terrorist attack on Fort Dix have been in this country illegally for 23 years!!?? someone really screwed the pooch on that one.

i feel that once the baby is past the first trimester, or 3 months, that anything done to it after that is criminal assault.

although, this raises many questions...if the woman is an alcoholic, does that make her LESS liable because she suffers from a disease....

chaos, i understand what you are trying to ask, but this question is too convoluted to answer intelligently..

it seems you are a pro-life kinda person, which is your choice, but i think you would be hard pressed to argue that a young girl who has been raped or cannot even take of herself, much less a baby, would be just as criminally liable as one who drinks until her baby is born dead, because even you can see how ridiculous that is..

you are basically asking people to reveal their personal beliefs about abortion, and we all know what a hot button topic it is.

and arguing and trying to convince people to feel abortion is murder is obviously what your trying to do here, and im sorry to say chaos, its a hard sell.

i respect your "hey man, hands off my uterus." kinda view, and i understand men do not have much say as to what happens to their unborn baby....which i think is wrong.

i believe it takes two to tango, and it should take two to make decisions about an unborn baby.

it was a broad statement, touche, and i dont believe a man has a right to make a woman have an unwanted abortion. gees, im not a monster.

my point is, the man involved should have some say as to what is going on, which would ultimately be up to the woman since shes carrying the baby, however, i feel it is a womans moral obligation to her unborn child to take what the man feels into account. of course, nothing legal could ever be in place because every situation is different and the law sees it as a womans final decision, which is good and i wouldnt have it any other way.

however, we as women, i feel, have an obligation to take the man into account when making all decisions. it is only fair, even if they go the other way, they still should listen and think on it. thats all i was saying.

ya know what touche, i think we you just took what i said the wrong way, i was only saying that, in the eyes of the law, men really dont have a say, and im just saying that a woman should listen to what he has to say, just in my opinion.

i will respond to something you said about "..he could marry her..." what makes you think the woman would always want to get married? (if in fact that was what you were saying) trust me, i got pregnant at 20, and i didnt want to marry the father. we were together and things were good and he was very supportive, but i still didnt feel a pregnancy warranted a marriage. and he REALLY wanted to marry me at the time, but i wasnt ready...just because your having a baby doesnt mean you have to get married, thats an antiquated idea, in my book. not all women want that, because the man can still be a father and support the baby forcing a commitment with the mother.

im choosing to share this, because i have been reading you guys for awhile, and i dont feel you would hold it against me. so, this is the reason i have some strong opinions about the subject. ok, here goes.. i had an abortion when i was 23 and my son was almost 3 years old. we were broke, living in a shitty apartment, sitting on borrowed lawn furniture, and we were both working and still not married. it was an accident because i couldnt afford birth control pills, which is in NO way saying i couldnt have prevented it....anyhoo...we knew we were surviving on care packages my mother would send over, and we didnt have a pot to piss in nor a big enough window, so we decided on abortion..

**side note** my insurance at the time PAID for one abortion per lifetime, but wouldnt help pay for my birth control pills....HOW f-ed up is that??**

moving on...it was the right decision at the time, and i have never regretted it since. i could not properly take care of the child i had, much less another one. it was hard, and maybe some of you think it was wrong, but im a prideful person and dont like to ask for help alot, and knew this would be a hardship we could not endure and survive. if anyone wants to know about the procedure and the aftercare, let me know. i have stories...so...

at this point in my life, i could handle another child, although i dont want any more than the one i have, but i still remember what my situation was at the time, and i would do the same thing. i do, however, think about it and ponder, but i do not once beat myself in the head about it. it was the right choice at the time, and i still stick by my decision.

so pardon me if i got snippy in here...ill shut up now. i came here to help people, not to make waves.

first off, keep your head up...it does get better.;)

and, i want to comment on a few things. about the weed, i have had some experience with this drug, both on and off, and it doesnt make someone violent, but it can lead to other drugs, but if you say he only smoked weed, well, then he was an asshole before he ever touched marijuana..

i know your hurting right now, and understandably so, but whenever you feel at your lowest, just remember a couple things..

he tried to choke you unconscious...whenever a man puts his hands on you in anger, it means he lacks the self control to respect you...and also proof positive that he will do it again, and it will ONLY escalate and get worse with time..

drugs and physical abuse werent his only problem, he tried ito alienate you from outside safety nets, ie:your friends..so hes controlling and trying to paint you in a corner of abuse.

its 2 years...yes a long time, but not forever. and another day with him would be more than too much. just please be happy for yourself you kicked him in the balls that day and didnt pass out. you might not be here talking about how much you missed him, you might be in a morgue with a bunch of other abused partners.

im proud of you! its that kind of spunkiness that more women need...

so, get out sister, and NEVER look back. you made the right decision...if he could act this way when hes TRYING to get you back, think how bad it would have gotten once he managed to knock you up, push everyone else out of your life, and marry you??

chalk up that 2 years to good experience,,,,and know the signs of abuse sooner next time. its hard to find that special person, so dont settle for less than you deserve!

well, it certainly sounds like something is fishy....and he sent her flowers??? isnt it cute how some women trap men by telling about how terrible their life is and just NEED someone to talk to?? i cry bullshit, these women are just looking for a replacement man, no matter if hes involved or not.

i wouldnt believe a word she has said to you. and she said "your gonna push him away" ??? what does THAT mean?? it sounds like he has been bitching about his relationship with you to get her pity...and possibly into her pants..

these kind of behaviors scream infidelity. i would start to entertain the idea that you are NOT crazy, but actually very sane to feel something is wrong. you could try calling up the flower place he went to, and telling them your the other woman and lost the card he sent with the flowers, and really want a replacement because it was so sentimental. if he bought online and not in the store, theres a good chance they have a record of what the card said. i did this once for a friend and it worked. its worth a try.

all this has happened, and your only 21??!! wow, sounds like you have had a rough start to adulthood.

these other folks are right on, this guy is going to do nothing but continue to break your heart. hes sneaky, a liar, and a cheat. he tried so hard to get you back because hes using you for some sort of sick need to have security with one woman, all the while looking for something better to come along. he doesnt respect you or love you to be acting this way. you must leave this relationship. you have allowed him to step all over you and he will continue to do it as long as you keep laying down for it. how can you love someone that obviously has no regard for your love, your feelings, or the sanctity of marriage??

get out girl! your young, and even though your a young mom, there are scores of men out there who would treat you better. if you start settling for so much less when your this young, your choices in men will forever be clouded.

way to go! your strength is going to be his downfall.

i cant BELIEVE you have kept quiet this long?? i would never have it in me to do that! i wear my feelings on a sleeve.

good luck! and make sure you post and tell us how he reacts when this all comes out! priceless!

i have pictures of myself posted in my profile, i have nothing to hide.

id be anxious to see what chaos looks like. i picture some little hunchback with buckteeth and visible body odor. please prove me wrong!

maybe this person is one of those miserable pieces of shit over at gloryb? im in there right now, and i simply cant believe the bullshit coming out of these OW‘s mouth.

perhaps this is so...

but i also heard that everything tastes better on a cracker...

sorry, i couldnt resist.

1. you are a walking STD-Factory. get professional help immediately.

2. if you are sad and confused....get over it, Drama Queen, its bound to get even worse.

3. you are on the wrong site. i would suggest googling, "advice for dirty sluts" and find comfort there.

4. you do not have my pity in the least. you put yourself in this situation and you deserve every fucking heartache you get.

5. i hope you lose BIG TIME in this sick childish game your playing.

and last but not least...

6. karma is a cruel mistress. get used to it.

"http://www.womansavers.com/forum-for-women/general/1/14575.html

This is where our friend Chaos came from and apparently there are more about to join us. "

this was copied from gloryb just now. perhaps we should all flood the site with nasty posts and see what happens...

theres stuff called "Stubbs" thats pretty good.

my experience with marinades is you gotta try a bunch of them to find your taste. they are pretty cheap, so try a few at a time.

RUPhuknJokin wrote:

chaos40 wrote: RUPhuknJokin wrote: Bring it Beeotch bring what your welfare check it ain‘t the first of the month yet   Seriously - ou you feel violated huh?  Imagine that? Hypocrite much?  Don‘t worry this little piss ant isn‘t worth anymore of my time.  Let me say this - please do encourage this piece of shit to stay out of TOW - because I promise you we can have this place seeping with Other Women so fast your head will spin.  Thanks - and Have a great day! buh bye  Great Job Piss Ant - rule of advice -                                         DON‘T SHIT WHERE U EAT

ever notice the little TOW hoes have the NASTIEST mouths??

a true sign of a 3rd grade education.

RUPhuknJokin wrote:

lorrie wrote: RUPhuknJokin wrote: chaos40 wrote: RUPhuknJokin wrote: Bring it Beeotch bring what your welfare check it ain‘t the first of the month yet   because I promise you we can have this place seeping with Other Women so fast your head will spin.    the only thing seeping is your neighborhood with our ex‘s cum. used cum for a used up whore. all you all get is used up men. you get to be the second wife, with the second kids. now take that taste with you before i slap it out your lousy  mouth. we don‘t take threats here. we make them. go back where you came from. you may however carry on with chaos, he can defend himself. just do it somewhere else.   has 1 and 1st husband - check has children with said husband - check has lover on the side - check I am sorry - where did all this second husband second kids crap come from?  Please try not to ASS U me too much. Also - I was pretty specific "Piss Ant" that is your buddy C 40- Here is a request, you stay off of our boards and we will stay off yours - fair? I mean read your thread - most of you are encouraging him.  Troll somewhere else...  "let‘s see I got in over here in 30 seconds flat - they actually screen at TOW" so GoodLuck makin your threats....

wow...they really screened well for chaos, huh?

i smell a war. and i like it.

yeah, it seems they really rationlize their A‘s (yes, they speak in some stupid code like a child‘s pig latin and think they are being sly. )

they make it sound like they have the upper hand because, OF COURSE, they dont want the man living with them, or marrying them, they want us to think they are some beautiful haven for our weary husbands who go "running with their hair on fire into the arms of their beautiful OW." (actual quote from last nights frivolity)

they want to think the W is hunched over with a huge wart on her nose. they seem to think they get the "best" of these men because they dont "nag" at him about bills, the kids, the house, etc. but the funny part is???? i have been reading there for a bit, and they totally kiss the guy‘s ass ALL THE TIME for fear of scaring him away. they say they are "cute and perky" to not make him mad or so that he will call more often. funny shit.

what a pathetic existence they must live in. all of you must read some of this shit! like for example, one hoe was talking about some "romantic" session with their MM in the "provincial parking lot with the windows steamed up." how utterly cute!! i always feel romantic hiding in some backseat, humping some man who chose me second. it gives me goosebumps just thinking about it! i wonder if they place candles in the cup holders and set the station to "lite" favorites.

i must say, i came here to help people and i thought it might look good for when i go for my masters in psychology to have volunteered some of my time to try and help others, but since i came here, i have really liked it and have read some amazing stories of courage and perserverance from women who have really been put through the ringer. i admire all of you to the upteenth degree! and you can be some funny-ass people! keep it up!

and i have to be honest, my husband has never cheated on me, nor do i think he will. he is truly, one of the last great guys on this planet, and i consider myself very lucky. and as ive said before, i had been a pretty nasty cheater in my time, and i thought my experience could help others. ive also been cheated on, so i know both sides. but, upon reading and interacting with these sluts at that site, i have realized they all fit into the OW stereotype to a "T" let them come here, they wont last long.

and if my husband ever does stray, im happy to know i can post here and get honest, sometimes brutal advice from people who have the experience and knowledge to give it. i cant say enough nice things about you ladies. i have even made a friend who i talk to on email almost every day. its nice to know theres support here, if i ever should need it.

so, in conclusion of my too long post here, if the skanky cum-dumpsters want to invade us, let them. they are all typical OW who try and sound intelligent and powerful, but who are really scared little girls who dont know how to have and maintain an exclusive relationship. they think they are in relationships that are based on fun and sex and none of the mundane worries married couples face. but what they dont realize nor want to tell themselves is that when this guy is on his deathbed, he aint gonna be asking for the whore he never respected, he will ask for the wife who he never stopped loving. men dont marry or respect a whore, they never have and they never will.

of course not, i believe if a relationship is not based on mutual trust, it aint gonna last long.

i mean, there is a huge movement to keep our stuff private, because of identity theft, and alot of companies are making it alot easier to hide things from, not only the public, but their wife/girlfriend.

and to "keep tabs", i meant to always keep your eyes open and never put all your eggs in one basket. too many women are trapped with a cheater because of money issues, kids, and so on. they arent able to leave, or are scared. i feel it is always wise to have your own money, your own means of living without him, and an escape plan if things ever go batshit.

thats what i meant.

i feel a strong sensation i was a man in a former life. i love beer, i tend to startle people with how loud i can burp, considering im 5 foot nothing and about a buck and a 10-deuce. i laugh at flatulence, and i have a strong desire to never grow up, because i hate grown-ups..

yep, i was a man.

honey, im so sorry, and i cant congratulate you on his proposal, because it sounds like hes just guilty and trying to make you stay.

what other evidence have you found of his cheating? do you know who this"Tammy" is?

welcome os, and im sorry about your situation. it really sucks.

let me tell you a short story. i dated a guy all throughout high school and beyond. we were together for almost 2 years before we had sex for the first time. we were very much in love, and it was perfect. we got engaged and things only got better between us. however, i was young, and found sex to be very exciting, so i started doing it with other guys behind his back. i still loved him, but i couldnt help myself. the sad thing is, i ended up telling him about every time, and he kept taking me back. in a sense, he was letting me get away with it. he finally said enough was enough, and ended it after 5 years together. i totally deserved it, but i dont regret us breaking up. i was young and needed to sow my wild oats, not be in a committed relationship.

my point to the story is, she is 21 and just able to go to bars, which she seems to enjoy, and you need to let her go. i have no doubt she probably loves you, but this is her "selfish time" and she is not ready for a committed exclusive relationship. and YES she was cheating on you.

get outta this relationship. she will not be a suitable partner until she gets all this crap outta her system. you dont have to sit around waiting for her to grow up.

blonde drapes upstairs, brown hitler, gaucho, or landing strip downstairs.

oh bankgirl, im so sorry, although it is not the end of the world. gray hairs can appear to a girl in her teens. no worries.

my hubby recently found a lone gray hair as well. he is very upset, but i think it makes him look distinguished.

but i would pluck it.

dont panic loulou, he aint got nothing on you. hes just pissed off. the police will do nothing to you. to prove harrassment, hes got to prove more than you hacking his email and deleting his stuff. once you establish that you two were in a relationship, the police will not press charges, trust me on this. signed confession or not. hes just trying to scare you, or hes stupid enough to think the police will do something. i dont know how the police are over in britain, but i seriously doubt your in trouble....

maybe someone from britain can help this girl out with explain how the laws are over there regarding stalking and the like? i would like to know, as well..

i agree, get out now. you are young and as i always say, youve got to go through a few suckers to find a prince charming. sounds like you got ahold of one of those suckers.

i know you are hurting and confused, but trust us on this one, its better to get out now rather than be sorry and possibly be married with more kids later and WISHING you had left.

good luck!

the size of some of these really scares me.

i think i would have left that party EARLY!

im so sorry lorrie. i just lost my two favorite uncles within a fucking week of each other last month, and whenever i lose a loved one, i remember what my late, great Aunt Jeannie said to me shortly before she dies years ago....

"Suzy, (was not my name, but she called me that because i was named after her.) whenever your going about your day, and all of a sudden, you start thinking about me, dont be sad! that is me, trying to talk to you and look after you. and if you screw up, it will be me, popping into your head to kick your little ass!" the point is, he WILL always be with you, and the good memories will get you through, i promise.

keep your head up! its been a tough time for you, but you sound so strong and determined in your posts, im sure you will overcome!

hugs and sloppy kisses, Suzy 

ignore this one, womenarebitches, it smells a little fishy, and it aint dinner time! this "person" posted the EXACT same post elsewhere on this site. just a troll.

as far as telling the wife, i would have to agree she has a right to know. i would make it anonymous, and simply tell her the facts. she can and will do what she wants with the info. who knows? maybe she is already onto his lurid ways.

and honey, you are so NOT an ow. you got out when you found out, and that makes you a soul-sista to us all!

poor kid! pandora, i TOTALLY know the frustrations of a teenage boy. my son is 14, and he can drive my husband nuts!

just comfort him, and tell him everything will be the fuck ok. and talk to hubby about not overeacting. perhaps remind him to think about how it felt to be your sons age, and tell him how scared he is and remind him it could be worse. he could be on drugs, knock someone up, or flunk out of school instead of graduating, like he DID.

hope your party is a success!

BTW, i say "fuck" way too much. its versatile, and dammit, its fucking fun to say!

hey touche, i dont know your whole story, as im fairly new to posting regularly here, but it sounds like this guy is a real ass-bag.

and i agree that protection is very hard to use when your in, what you think, is a trusting relationship.

im sorry about your miscarriage. im curious as to why you still talk to him??? your post gave me the impression that you recently got in touch with him?? maybe im wrong, and i apologize if thats true, but why care if he ever owns up to his wrongdoing?? you know you are right, and the gods will make sure he gets his come-upins. be assured of that.

so loulou, how did it go? were you able to leave with no problems?

i agree that you need to file your own complaint against him. i understand you dont like conflict, but he has left you no choice but to retaliate. make sure you tell them of his physical abuse and the fact that you signed his little "confession" under much duress.

i hope you returned safely, let us know how it went!!

i agree, there are great guys out there, but many are scared to get out there because dating in this day and age has become too fucking complicated.

we have the internet, talk shows, and all kinds of unqualified people telling us what kind of man to look for. its all BS. every situation is different and we, as women, need to look for a relationship in places that may not seem likely.

ive posted my story before, but ill tell the short version...i have been engaged several times, and often found myself with men who were controlling, at best. they seemed so ATTENTIVE and sweet in the beginning, but soon showed their true colors by trying to alienate me from my family and friends. i have been hit before, but i never stood for that, and it was the ultimate deal-breaker for a man to hit me, but in other relationships, these guys were beating me up without laying a hand on me, so it was hard to fathom at the time. often, these guys tended to be the cheatin‘ kind, as well, because if a man is overly concerned about where YOU are all the time, then its possible hes trying to hide something himself, and its easier to do if he has close tabs on you.

long story short, i married a man who i never found attractive when i first met him. he was nerdy, had dennis-the-menace hair, and was too quiet and shy for me to bother with. i wanted a fun guy who was everybodies buddy and a hoot to be around, but these guys usually turn out to be assholes, trust me. and they keep us interested because they are so exciting and fun. it took me years to finally notice this guy i eventually married, and now we are very happy and i intend to grow old with him. even though he was so quiet, he was just shy and now i cant get him to shut up!;)

my point is, there are great guys out there, but we as women need to look in unlikely places sometimes to let someone who doesnt fit into the "dynamic" guy mold have a chance with us. 

and by the way, all my friends called him nerdy as well, when we started dating. they all gave me the impression that i should be looking for some fun-boy instead of the nerdy one. well, now that we are married, they ALL tell me how lucky i am, and guess what? all those friends who thought he was a nerd are still single and trudging through meaningless relationships with assholes because they dont give the nice guys a chance.

have faith! someone will treat you the way you should be treated, and dont settle for less! set your boundaries and stick to them! and if something feels wrong, it probably is.  

absolutely i agree that once you let them get away with it once, it will happen again. im sure there are isolated incidents where men DO change their ways, but ive never known any personally.

i think it would all depend on how WELL you let them get away with it. it you just try to sweep it under the rug, it will no doubt happen again. maybe there are success stories???

anyone???

you said in your opener that after you caught him the first time, he DID continue to cheat? did i read that right? aw honey, just run and dont look back! your still young and it might be time to live for YOURSELF now that your kids are older. youve given alot of time to a relationship that your really not into anymore. cut your losses and realize your SO doing the right thing!

good luck!

i assume your not seeing him anymore? i certainly hope not. he sounds like a real nightmare.

have you posted him in the Rate-A-Guy thing on here? you can post his picture and other women can see it who come here. and theres room for you to put a background story so people know what kind of guy he is.

i posted my ex fiance on here because he was a real buttmuch. i sometimes still go and look at it and it still makes me smile that i got away from him when i did!

Congrats on the plowing, you silver-tongued devil!

you sound like a romantic guy, patrick, im sure you will have as much luck finding ladies with questionable morals in your new country as you found here in the US.

godspeed.

wow, what a story. good PI work.

so, im glad your working it out, and i wish you all the best!

chaos! stop it, your such a turd. ;)

have you posted him in the rate-a-guy link on this website? if not, its a good way to get his name out there.

sweetie, this guy is hiding something from you, and by the way, they ALL seem like the kind of guy that would never cheat on us, thats why we fall for them. (not to say all men are cheaters, because i strongly disagree with that notion)

how do you KNOW her situation with being married and pregnant? are you sure this is the case? are you only taking his word for it? because if you are, then your only getting half the story.

i wouldnt freak out JUST yet, though. i would keep my eyes open, and my heart closed.

i started very young, when i was 11. i "went" for 2 solid weeks and had to go to the hospital because my mom and i thought i was bleeding to death. fun times.

i tried "pons" and i hated them. i could never get them in right and they hurt. besides, call me frigid, but i dont want my fingers that close to the goods when Aunt Flo is in town. im funny that way.

mouse mattresses all the way!

speaking of this subject, i was just trolling over on that "other" site, and some person actually said her MM ate her used tampon right in front of her! and they are also discussing what defines a slut. all very ironic.

they are sum NASSY biotches.

momo, isnt that site THE BEST!!

and this post is like many others.....and ya know whats funny as shit about it? its probably that he has taken up with another woman, and shes old bag now. funny stuff.

keep posting whores!! please! we need comic relief and, baby, YOUR the joke!

for real pandora, and this bitch seemed proud of it!

bless your little 9 year old heart!

i started leaving my son home alone, for short trips to the store, at about age 12. i never babysat when i was younger, but my friends were babysitting kids, even BABIES, when they were as young as 9 years old! i think thats crazy.

my parents left me alone for the first time when i was 15. i was a teensy bit sheltered. they went to vegas, big mistake. i had an encounter with my boyfriend in my parents bed. weeks later, my nosey mother read my diary and the whole sordid affair.

needless to day, after my divorce, i was 26 years old, moved back home, and my mother STILL wouldnt leave me alone in the house. some things never change.

so jack didnt mind, heh?

hey! i just got an idea for me and the hubby in case things get "crusty" in the bedroom.

loulou! so glad you made it out of the airport without the strip search, so all cant be THAT bad!

im so sorry your so broken. please dont lose hope! i know this guy damaged you and made you feel stupid, but you ARENT stupid, you got out when you found out the truth and that makes you a HERO! and a strong one, at that.

i know how it seems after youve survived so many bad abusive relationships, that it seems you‘ll never find anyone worthy of your time and love, but thats simply not true! if youve had such bad luck with men, why not take a break?? take some time to yourself and find out what you really want in a man. ive always prescribed to the belief that its impossible to love another as much as you love yourself, and it sounds like "yourself" needs some lovin‘ right now!

work on things that make YOU happy, fuck everyone else. i know society sometimes wants us to think we need a man to be happy, but i strongly disagree. its not the man‘s job to make you happy, thats YOUR job. his job is to make you feel special and loved, "happy" has got to come from inside you. nowhere else.

whatever it is that makes you happy, DO IT! ride your bike, go to the bookstore and spend hours finding a good book, or spend time with people that love you, like your friends and family. ive found that no one makes me feel better than a really good friend who makes me laugh!

take some time for yourself, and make sure you NEVER correspond with the "closet-case" again. take the power to hurt you AWAY from him. this man is a sociopath, and from what youve said, it wont be long before his world will come crashing down. its only SO long anyone, no matter who they are, gets burned by their own lies. and hes no different. he lies, but most of all, he LIES TO HIMSELF, and thats pretty sad. this man is NOT to be hated, he is to be pitied, and you have better things to do than feel sorry for him.

good luck and keep us posted as to how your doing.

love, Fifi

yeah, how romantic would it be to look down at your beloved after hes finished with your pie, and he smiles, and you smile back, and you think to yourself, "wow, it looks like he just ate a jelly donut without using his hands."

bleh.

i havent posted yet, but the reading is quite entertaining! who said its like this shit is made up or something?? thats SO true, its all so surreal.

stop it!!! your gonna make us all vomit up our cheerios!

oh, and by the way, nice job, Toots! and i would be planning a vacation REAL soon to merry ole england!

ello, ello.

chaos....the excrement thing? i had to spit out my rasberry vodka! nice....real nice!

did you ever get on the tranny site? ya know, this trolling thing might be a good gig for you....you might as well make some money off of it. i dont know HOW you would do that, but im sure your sick, twisted imagination can think of something.

keep it up! i show my husband your posts sometimes and im afraid you two would get along famously....as long as you keep your dress on, i dont need any competition.

jees, what a road you have been on! im so sorry for your "troubles"( i couldnt think of a strong-enough word!), but you sound like your doing great and i wish you the very best!

your decision to help others only shows your strength as a woman and your character as a human being. i read your story, and i simply was shocked and relieved you got out with your life, as well as a new outlook.

you mentioned "housecleaning" about getting rid of people who bring you down, and i couldnt agree more! i have given the lecture "if you hang around with shit, you begin to smell like it" for years now, and i stand by your decision to cut some people loose.

life is FAR too short to let others bring you down. and, the sad part is, its the ones we love the most that usually let us down the hardest.

stay strong, sista! you should be an inspiration for all women on this site and everywhere. to be so young, and been through SO much has only made your stronger, and i applaud you for that!

actually, i worked it out with a swift kick to the ass and the threat of "splitting up", that brought him to his knees.i know he loves me, but he can be a real moron, so i had to do what i tell everyone here to do all the time, i had to strengthen my boundaries and let him know what fifi will NOT put up with.

it worked, and he just cleaned out the litter boxes for the second time in a week because i told him the basement "smelled like a shit-sandwich." AND, i have been barking orders for a week now with not so much as an eye roll from him. im done now punishing him, a week is enough to bust his balls, but my radar is up and running beautifully.

its good to be the queen.

stoopid=genius

your a sick, demented, twisted up mama-jama who probably rolls her own tampons....and i love you for it.

excuse me, chaos, if your listening, you MUST be "i am filled with christs love." i am dying. i actually snorted out loud and tore hubby away from south park to see if i was ok.

good work.

this chick is right on! ueber, i have read many of your posts, and you seem like a really smart, sassy woman. not to mention the fact that you can recognize when something seems to good to be true.

if you want, and i dont offer this much, message me, and ill tell you what i do for a living. i can help you find out some stuff. let me know.

hey cassidy! i literally felt like i was reading a prt of my story here...i have been too embarrased to post anything looking for advice because i feel my problems pale in comparison to others on this site, but ill share a little, because it sounds like we were in the same boat.

my husband is a nerd, really he is. he didnt have sex for almsot 2 years before we met, and he developed a real taste for porn.

when i started spending the night and stuff, i found his "stash", because im nosey and a generally suspicious person (ive been engaged 7 times), so i search EVERYTHING in a guys house as soon as i get the chance. its not about trust, its about being informed. i feel, if i trust him to look through MY shit, then he shouldnt get mad if i look through his. if he does, he has something to hide. but you have to be sneaky about it....say you dropped something, looked under the bed, and "jesus-h-christ, i found fill-in-the-blank"...you get the idea.

so, my husband loves porn, and YES GUYS LOVE PORN. its an evolutionary concept that men are visually stimulated, and women are more interested in status. its evolution and you cant argue with it.

so, my husband is a pervert. i cant bend over in front of him for any reason, i walk by, and will get my tits squeezed or my ass grabbed, so our sex life or his interest has never suffered because of his afinity for pornography. HOWEVER...

last week, we had an "issue" because i checked the history on the computer and found some sites he looked at that were a little excessive. and, mind you, i have a problem with strippers and porn and i even went to a strip club in vegas just to "expose" myself to try and realize it wasnt a big deal. so...im a pretty cool chick and have no problem letting my guy have fun. whether its golfing, hanging out with his best friend too late sometimes, or whatever. but, i have a problem with porn, ESPECIALLY internet porn because it can often lead to cyber cheating like looking at live cams, or talking to someone personally. looking at pictures is one thing, but personally communicating with someone, well..that crosses the line. so, be on the lookout for that.

my point is, let him look at porn, hes gonna hide it from you better if you dont accept that your either gonna PUT up with it or NOT.

my advice would be to look at all the other aspects of your relationship. does he treat you well in all other areas? does he make you feel sexy? does he hold in the highest esteem? most importantly, is the fact that he looks at porn the problem, OR is it something else? because, looking at porn is not so bad. have you tried watching it with him?

perhaps, you can watch it with him? you might have a breakthrough if you try your hardest to get through your inhibitions, and try to share it with him. you dont have to watch it every time with him, but maybe if he sees your just feeling insecure, then he wont feel a need to hide it anymore. i would check the computer, maybe get a keylogger, and if hes clean there, then let him have the magazines and videos. they are impersonal and only fulfill a small need. its natural for a man, dont get too freaked out.

good luck and keep us posted.!

i agree, bail now. never underestimate a woman‘s intuition. you feel ‘suspicious‘ for a reason.

but, its true, we need more info to make an informed advice comment.

gotcha! however, i am sort of a cyber-moron and i probably wont be able to figure it out anyway.....

beotch. (jk....ok...not really! ;))

look busty...i did it!!!

what in gods holy name is a smegmer?

by the way to the lady whose son is graduating....very handsome!

awwwww! ms beasley???? my sister had one of those hag dolls....i didnt like her face, so i marked her all up with a marker, decapitated her, and threw her out my bedroom window to the lawn below...

the bitch deserved it.

honey, its a damn good thing you caught him when you did. are you sure there was nothing actually physcial with any of these internet whores?

and even if he didnt touch them with his own two hands, its still cheating in my book. and cyber-cheating usually leads to face-to-face encounters. you did the right thing by exposing him. how did he react? what are you gonna do?

ok, here it is, the best thing to happen to kegel muscles since the black man‘s penis....check it out. after a week, i feel as if i could crack walnuts with my poonanny. and, it could prevent me from pissing my pants when i sneeze when i get older....as if im not old enough as it is. its called the super kegel, and i brought it into work today, and me and my male gay friend were the only ones who could make it close even once! but, that was after 2 days of struggling...ON THE LOWEST TENSION! i recommend this product. there is nothing to "insert", although the shape of it is rather suggestive. you just put it between your legs and squeeze. nice, huh? anyone else try one of these things?

i agree, pull out any gun you have handy. this guy sounds dangerous, and if your mom is pulling back from close friends, then the next stage of abuse has started and it will only continue to escalate.

get her out, who cares if shes pissed at you? wouldnt you want her to do the same thing for you?

im sorry you are going through this. it sucks, and you dont derserve it.

his "image" is an outdated, ridiculous excuse for "keeping it between the two of you." where are your feelings taken into account here? does he think some flowers and an apology are enough to ease your misgivings? bullshit. he needs a wake-up call, and the only one who can make that call is YOU.

let him sleep in the bed he has made. your kids will be better off with you two seperated than together...and miserable.

im sorry if this sounds harsh, but enough is enough. he is playing you for a fool, and if you let him get away with this, he will continue the affair, and thats exactly what it sounds like to me...an affair.

i would absolutely call her. the reason she seems to be backing off is because he TOLD her to, because you are onto him. make sure to tell her hes trying to play both of you with lies and bullshit. chances are...this woman is in the dark too, but that DOESNT mean you have to be nice to her, she obviously knows hes married, and that makes her a whore who deserves the sternest of treatment.

the real question here is whether or not you want to continue in this relationship. its true you two have been together for a long time, but that doesnt mean you have to spend the rest of your life committed to someone who causes you sadness and mistrust. your only 51, you have many years ahead of you, and those years are years you deserve to be happy, with or without him, or any man.

i wish you the best! keep us updated, and hold your head high!

i know! its the fact that they have that oil in them that makes you have explosive diarrhea and crippling stomach cramps.

bon appetite!

hi girl! im sorry your going through this, but its very important to keep your cool, for the babies sake. i know its hard, but you dont have a choice. try yoga breathing, you can find techniques online, and relax. now, with that being said, heres my take..

hes a fucking liar. meandnotyou is right. i am familiar with adultfriendfinders and its just a site to have cyber sex, or worse, meet in person. he didnt show you the email account because he has something to hide. dont believe for a minute that you are controlling because you freaked out, he would have done the same thing. let him apologize, but the fact is that he IS trying to look for side-action, and even if he was just talking personally with bitches online, it most certainly cheating. oftentimes, that shit leads to face-to-face meetings. and the fact that hes complaining about not having sex with you is another red flag that hes on the lookout.

you need to confide in your friends, this is not a private matter, its a matter where you need support and guidance from people who love you. he is trying to alienate you so his opinion is the only one you hear. he is the controlling one, and not to mention abusive. and besides, HE was the one who made it a public matter when he chose to put a picture of himself naked online and started this shit. and if hes on this website, who knows how many others hes on? after all, he met you online, it seems this is his forte‘.

you need to get out of this relationship. i understand your concerned with having a father for your baby, but he can be a father without being with you. your child deserves to be in a loving home, not one filled with mistrust and an abusive, cheating asshole who sounds like he couldnt care less that your in a high risk pregnancy. its wonderful you were able to conceive, but you can raise this child on your own. this behavior will only escalate, trust me on this, and you and your child deserve more.

keep us updated. and take care of yourself.

i know thats what you want to hear, but unfortnately, all his behavior points to a serious issue.

if you want to stay, go ahead. but be prepared that once you ‘forgive‘ him once for this kind of shit, he WILL do it again. hopefully, some of the other women on this site will give you more advice than just the 2 of us, and im no expert on everything, but ive had some experience with cyber-sex and internet porn, so i know a little about this, and the biggest point i have to make is that this behavior only escalates. i know its scary, but do you want to live your life constantly watching him and wondering if hes doing it again?

if your deadset on staying, then you need to take some investigative action. put a keylogger on his computer. they‘re  not expensive and any cyber geek at best buy can teach you how to install it. that way, you can see exactly what hes typing in and which sites he visiting. and besides, he should be giving you full disclosure about where and who hes talking to online. your his wife, and he owes that to you. dont be one of those women who sticks their head in the sand and believes everything their husband tells them. you need to be empowered and smart about this. hes already raised your radar...and youve only been married two years. of course you WANT to believe him, but his evasive behavior points to total deception. and i would bet the farm that hes on other dating sites, and if hes supposedly deleted his account from adultfriendfinder, hes probably opened another one under a different name, or hes on other sites, trust me on this.

have you checked his cell phone?

you got to be kidding me? hes an asshole, honey. why would you let him speak to you in this way?

and PLEASE stop defending his behavior by saying you havent been an attentive wife. how could you want to sleep with someone who puts you down and yells at you all the time? may i ask why you fell in love with him in the first place?

this is not your fault! but, i must admit, sex 2 times a month is not good. BUT, if you were with someone who made you feel loved and special, i would bet you would want sex more often. just a thought...

relationships have boundaries, and youve let him cross many already. you let him speak down to you, you let him call you names, and now you want to let him get away with cyber-cheating? why? i dont get it. he obviously has very little respect for you.

im sorry if this sounds harsh, but you asked for advice and im giving my 2cents, whether its comfortable to hear or not. your setting yourself up for a lifetime of abuse and infidelity if you stay with him, or put up with this behavior one more minute. your giving him the thumbs up for treating you like a piece of shit. and that kind of message will tell him your never gonna leave him, so why be a good husband? hes already got everything he wants...a wife at home and a get-out-of-jail free card for when you DO catch him cheating.

and if you think leaving the relationship is scary, think about all the years to come of abuse and lies. thats what you should be scared of.

yes! thats it! i was about to google it. its some nasty shit. i was trying to watch my weight a few years back when they were singing its praises because it tasted better than other low fat stuff? well, i thought no harm in eating an entire bag. well, the harm came when i experienced cramps so bad it felt like i had taken a whole box of laxatives. then, i was on the shitter for 2 days! everything i ate just came right out. like i said...

bon appetite!

spend some time on there...its pathetic. i sometimes go there and read when im bored, and ya know what? they are all pathetic little cuntrags who kiss some guys ass so he will fuck them, and hes married because they cant find anyone who wants to marry THEM.

they are to be pitied, and looked down on. they will never be respected. and thats, ultimately, what we all want.

fuck em‘. the best thing women like us can do to them, is let them have our husbands. once they realize they cant please them full time, and they must share them in order to be counted, ...its all over, johnny.  

yes...you are too young to be going through this. hes an assbag...leave him alone.

im 35, and i wish i had all the wasted time i spent on assholes, because i wished i had listened to people who told me they were wrong for me...

if i had all that time back, i would be your age. get the picture??

i really dont understand why you guys stick around for this shit. just because YOU took your vows seriously, doesnt mean your man did.

i must commend you, however, because i could never have the state of mind to stay with a lying man who has taken my heart and shattered it. its all about respect,. ladies. either you command it, or you fight for it....and its ALWAYS a losing battle.

if the respect isnt there before you lend your hand in marriage, you dont get it by being the ‘perfect wife‘...you get it from the get-go...or it never comes.

oh girl, i had to delet that account this morning. me and my hubby were playing around on it, and he got a little peeved that i had a new email every couple seconds from men in my area looking to hook up. i was trying to show him how easy it is to fall into some shit, because we were having an issue about some of the porn sites he was visiting. he saw the light now on how many people couldnt care less if your married or not. i said i was married in my profile, and these guys didnt care. its sick.

http://arc.diis.net/cache/page/budlight.html?story=budlight

check this out! its so fucking funny! its all those Real American Heroes and Real Men of Genius commercials on the radio. If you got some time to kill, these are worth listening to again! My favorites, Mr Male Fur Coat Wearer and Mr Bad Toupee‘ Wearer.

i think this would constitute her being a whore, but the temptation would be great, if i were in her shoes. im sure being in a shit-ass little town would make any attractive, young girl to want to get the hell outta there!

but alas! it wouldnt be right. so, no, she shouldnt go for it.

this had me in stitches. how do these stupid whores believe this shit? "um shes too unstable for me to leave, i fear what she may do to herself." because im SUCH an unbelievable stud who‘s mojo makes any woman want to kill herself when i leave. blah blah. what a yawn!

for your enjoyment...

http://gloryb.com/forum/cgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=2;t=020725

so refreshing to hear a woman who didnt feel she had to beg and grovel to try and get an asshole back. bravo! im proud of you.

keep strong and file as soon as you can. but be careful down the road....usually, when men leave their wives for some whore, they soon find out it was only fun to be with the other woman when he had wifey at home, as well. my guess, he will try and come back someday, so keep your healthy attitude and give him the message that you deserve better and always will.

good luck!

get out while the gettin‘s good! if hes done it before, he will do it again. i know what goes on in those VIP rooms, and it aint tea and crumpets.

read the post before mine and see what happened when that poor girl forgave her man, and even married him! no one deserves to spend their life mistrusting and constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

there can be no love, if there is no trust. period.

do some soul searching, and realize that if the behavior is bad BEFORE marriage, just think how bad the lies will get once he thinks he has you where he wants you. it will only get worse, girlfriend.

good luck and keep us posted.

yeah, i probably shouldnt have eaten the whole bag, bad idea.

i finally figured out the best way to lose weight. got my fat ass in the gym and ive lost 35 pounds over the past year. i still got 10-15 more to go, but i didnt get here by eating that low-fat crap! lean meats, veggies, fruits, and lots of dietary fiber are my diet these days. and your right, portion size is everything. i do gorge on my favorites once in awhile. like beer.

i have my real pictures in my profile pictures, but in case anyone is wondering, i have nothing to hide...here i am...and happy fourth of july!

oh, thanks for noticing my shiny door. but, thats all due to me! keeping my house spotless is what keeps me in such great shape.

Here I am before I dyed my hair blonde and waxed my upper lip. I know...i know...dont be hatin‘.

well, filing for divorce would be fruitless now anyway. i dont know how it is where you live, but in ohio, you cant file for divorce while you are pregnant with their child.

although i think your making a mistake by trying to let this go, it may be good for your baby to do so...for now. but trust me, this isnt over and just because you threatened consequences, doesnt mean all the abusive behavior will stop. your going to do what you want, regardless, so godspeed and i wish you luck. your gonna need it.

jees, what an unbelievable asshole. i dont care how much he says hes committed now, sounds like its the same ole‘ shit, different day.

and excuse me?? you cant go to family functions? why in the world would she be invited to his family outings and you arent? doesnt this all smell a bit fishy to you? has be even told his family hes not with her anymore? or is he STILL with her? AND if his family does know shes supposed to be out of the picture, do you want to part of a family that obviously doesnt give a squirt of piss for your feelings?

please dont think for a minute this guy is NOW being completely honest with you. he told you what you wanted to hear because he wanted you back. it sounds like he cant function as a man unless hes got two women dangling from his crotch. it sounds like he‘s a major scumbag. how many times does he have to cheat on you before you see what kind of person he really is?

get out! run, and never look back. thats my advice.

Justin Timberlake. I know hes a little cheesy, but hes looks good enough to eat!

first of all, it does sound like your dad needs to back off a little. if youve never given him a reason to mistrust you so much, then he needs to understand your 20 and have your own life, not to mention a job and school.

as far as time management..i just graduated from college last year, and im 35. i went back after my divorce because i realized i would never be able to take care of my son on what a woman makes around these parts. my best advice to you is to not take on too much at school. 5 classes is alot when your juggling a job, as well. i had to take 3 or 4, and i only worked maybe, 12 hours a week, but i had a son and other obligations, as well. the best advice i can give is to always make time for homework, no matter what. and, if the professor gives an assignment way ahead of time, then get to work on it early, that way your not scrambling at the last second.

just prioritize....

1. school

2. work

3. everything else.

oh busty, im so sorry! i just read this. i remember when i had to put my mounds down, i remember her eyes were open, and i will never forget that. but you did the right thing. the best comfort i have is that the best gift we can give our pets is to love them and make them feel comfortable and safe their entire lives, and treat them as if they were our own, little furry children. you did this for him and gave him a good life, and you also gave him the sweet relief of peace, and no pain.

i wish i could give you a big hug and a sloppy kiss! im such an animal lover, (hence the 3 cats and two dogs), and i so feel your pain right now. nothin‘ but lovin from ohio to you!

yeah, i used to work at a cemetary as a groundskeeper and i worked with nothing but men, and they used to sexually harrass me on a daily basis, but not in a BAD way, just bullshit. but, what i never told my boyfriend at the time was one of them was trying to get with me, but i refused, of course, and not just because i was attached, but HE WAS MARRIED! and just had a baby when he was trying to "talk" to me. what an asshole.

just be careful ladies, never underestimate a wiley woman.

hey hillary, hang in there. its gonna suck, big time, for awhile, but once you get your thoughts clear, you can decide what you need to do.

why not let hubby tell his daughter why he isnt around? how old is your daughter?

im telling you, men are suckers for female attention. it gets their junk all in a bunch.

i never trust a woman who ‘talks‘ to my man. i take an offensive stance when it comes to my husbands female friends. i make them MY friends, and make sure they know that if anyone fucked with my husband, i would have their tits hanging from my rear view mirror.

but, thats just me. perhaps im a teensy bit jealous, i cant help it. but, as bad a quality as that is, it keeps me on my toes.

here is sam at his best...in the movie mask.

im gonna play devil‘s advocate here, but..

why such a huge fuss over this little girl?? its tragic, of course, but so many children go missing every day...why the furor over this particular child? is it because the parents are wealthy and influential?

i am not wishing to be attacked...i only want honest opinions...but, if you want to bash me...carry on...

sweetheart, im sure you have learned that running away never solves any problems. im sorry if im being harsh, ive had a couple home-made cocktails and im fiesty...but here goes..

you need some friends...other interests...you CANNOT put all your eggs in one basket. you think everything is cool now that your spending so much time together...but, that nasty, gut feeling you have that makes you sick every time you think of him with another woman, will never go away. period.

it would take years to gain this trust back, and honey, im sorry, if he couldnt even stay faithful to you for HALF your marriage, what makes you think he has totally changed?? are there financial concerns for him if he decided to leave you? is he staying for some other reason than because he lplans to, now be, a devoted husband?

my heart really goes out to you...i know im being frank, but this man will never change. he will have bouts of clarity that will make you think everything is well, but his underlying frustration will start to come out soon...he will become shorter with you...maybe a little snippy..then, more time apart...and BAM, another affair. i give him less than a year of being "good", before he relapses. why should he change?? you keep forgiving him and patting him on the back for fucking you over. he has his wife at his comfy home with the checkbook, and he has his whores on the side. what more could an asshole ask for?

you sound and write as if you are an intelligent, articulate woman. why in the hell are you letting this guy get away with this? we all make mistakes, sweetie. just because yours lasted 25 years, doesnt mean you cant make it right. you deserve to live out your life with some happiness, and with a man who has eyes for you only, or alone. its better to be alone and love yourself than love some selfish prick.

find your mojo, girl. start networking, get a couple friends, start meeting new people, and get the fuck out of this hole you‘re in. you DESERVE that self respect that been so elusive during this marriage...YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND COMFORTABLE,

look in the mirror...what do you see? a sad woman...right? well, play with your hair, tell yourself that you‘re hot, and remind yourself that life is far too short to be a crutch for some man who will never give you what you truly need.

now, you can slap me in the puss if ive offended you...i know ive been less-than-kind, but i care about my fellow woman, and i must speak up when i see injustice.

take care of you.

listen ragass, this is real simple....if you want to quietly get some on the side, give your wife the same choice, and tell her what you plan on doing, or already have, so she can get some if she wants, as well. and give HER the choice if she wants to stay with an asshole or not.

whether or not she negletting you or not, doesnt matter, you took vows with this woman and she has a right to know if you want to fuck someone else.

did it ever cross your tiny, little mind that perhaps she is cheating on you? trust me, im sure there are many men out there who would want an intelligent woman regardless of her extra 60 pounds, you dickless wonder.

oh, and one more thing, shit for brains, good luck over there at adult friend finder...i hope you get a scorching case of herpes.

good stuff busty!

sweetheart, you are young and so naive, PLEASE dont ever think you can fix a man, this is called co-dependent behavior and if you arent familiar with that term, look it up and im sure you will be able to relate to its symptoms...

he hit you, and therefore could never be fixed by you. any kind of fixing will have to be done by him, and him only.

you need to go to court. they can force him to get a job and pay support, or take away his drivers license, and im sure he wouldnt like that. even though your away from him, your still letting him control your behavior and your still afraid to make him mad. this cycle of abuse will have to end now, or you may not see your child grow up.

forget about this loser, you need to think about your child, and forget about all romantic feelings you have for this man, its useless and futile. turn your thoughts and energies to you and your child. there is NO hope for any kind of reconciliation with him. the abuse will only escalate.

good luck and keep us posted!

heartorn wrote:

My girlfriend thought of something funny to do in the meantime.....it actually brought a smile to my face. Call her from a unknown number or send her a text from another computer and tell her that he has Genital Herpes. I know it‘s a serious disease but it‘s time to pull out the big guns.

dont do that right now (the herpes thing)...your strategy should now, be, laying low and acting as if you are believing all the shit hes spitting...

then, do what all these lovely ladies have already told you...get that recorder, get those text records, and confront him with enough proof in your hand to make your case. i know its gonna hurt, its gonna hurt fucking terrible, but you must be strong and confront him with your head high and maintain the "i aint gonna take this shit" attitude. you dont even have to tell him your tactics, i sometimes feel its better if you maintain some mystery as to HOW you found out this info, it could help you use the same tactics in the future.

arent men funny? he basically already told you he got a blow job from this SLUT. its almost like they have to BRAG about their conquests, even to the person they should most want to keep it from. like we cant figure it out??!!

good luck to you, keep us posted as to how your handling this. we are here for you!

i truly believe in love, but just like anything worth having, its worth working for.

its not easy sometimes, but the old tactic of writing out the pros and cons is smart to do. you really learn to make tradeoffs in any kind of love. you ignore that your son likes to spit on sidewalks, and you ignore that your husband doesnt like to clean the kitchen counter. but, the love you feel for them is beyond stupid, mundane quirks.

i DO believe in true love! but just like time, love can fade, and the only thing that keeps it alive is BOTH people working towards the same goal....to grow old and happy together.

i know it sounds cliche...but there are many people in this world you can fall in love with...but i recommend going through a few before you find the one who makes your heart beat faster. you never pick the golden egg the first time you try.

my best advice is to NOT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN TOTAL TRUST AND HAPPINESS. once either is gone, there is danger.

hey lennie, make any decisions yet?

personally, i would take my prior advice and kick him to the curb before you have a baby with him, and end up raising it alone. hes still lying to you, IMHO, and unless you make him responsible for his actions, he will continue to be a lying cheater.

i had a bf once, who rarely took me around his family or friends, and come to find out, theres ALWAYS a reason they ‘keep you hidden.‘ its usually because hes either already with someone else, or on the prowl. this guys family is either in the dark about you, or they are a pack of dirty assholes who love the baby-mama and couldnt care less about you. do you think their attitudes would change after your married? prolly not.

its true you need to talk to someone in his ‘circle‘ and find out whats going on. and the next time theres a family function, and you are insisting on staying with this guy, then i would insist on going, whether it would be uncomfortable or not. i would just bet alot of your questions could be answered in one afternoon with his ex and his family. and if he STILL tries to keep you at home while they party, then get dressed, do your hair, and go the fuck over there and settle it once and for all. if hes talking marriage, then you have every right to attend family functions, whether he likes it or not.

why do my pics disappear all the fucking time...arrgghh

lets see...here is busty and i, if we knew each other while we were pregnant..

feeling better busty?

get out! hes a big fat liar! 5 times, my ass.

i know your looking for answers, but im sorry, sometimes there just arent any answers except that you chose an asshole because he was good at convincing you he would never do this sort of thing to you. its a mistake many of us make, just read some of the threads on this site. the stories are tragic and sad.

just take your daughter and get the fuck out. the worst thing you can do to this woman is to let her have him. fuck her, anyway, she knew what she was doing to her fellow woman. dont have any sympathy for her or him. fuck them both.

im sorry busty. maybe seeing yet another stupid man will make you feel better...

so sorry about your loss, baby. what a tragedy.

http://gloryb.com/forum/cgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=025421

i simply cannot get over these bitches! "we made sweet, sweet love" blah blah...after hes been fucking his wife while on vacation. "i feel so much better" ...oh jees, just read it for yourself. it makes me wanna vomit.

i have been reading that shit for awhile now, and it never ceases to amaze me how stupid and naive they are. they keep spouting about their "strength" and how they are TOTALLY gonna move on with their lives. whatever...they will continue to sit by the phone and think an isolated voice mail means their MM loves them.

blah....am i dwelling on this too much?  shuld i stop reading this shit? it just makes me wonder about my husband, anyway. bleh

i couldnt agree more with sunny on this one...its fishy, and it will only get worse. if he takes the time to talk to them, why not tell them hes getting married?

RED FLAG!!!! dont wait for another one!

babygirl....you must be a saint, or the stupidest woman on earth for staying with a piece of shit like this.

i truly hope you are "done" this time. but, sorry, it sounds like you would take him back because you have so many times before. hes an alcoholic and a drug abuser?? i dont care if he hasnt touched the stuff in years, this sounds like a "plus" to you? are YOU high?

please understand that i know a thing or two about drug/alcohol abusers. and the one thing i remember the most from my experience, as well as college, is that once one addiction is gone, it is ALWAYS replaced by another. sounds like sex addiction may be this guys "recovery."

and, sorry, but this might not be the right place to talk about how you stayed with him after you found out he was married. i may be wrong, but i read your post and it sounds that way to me. this is a site for women who have been wronged and cheated on, and there isnt much sympathy for a woman who knowingly stayed with a married man. so, if thats the case, then i can only say, i feel for your pain, but you have brought it on yourself.

regardless, this story sounds made up because its so ridiculous. how could any woman keep enabling a prick like this? for fear of being alone? werent you alone the entire time, anyway? living with a pathological liar is worse than being alone, sweetie. trust me.

perhaps i have read you wrong, but my view stands the same...run and NEVER look back. dont talk to his friends, his family, or anyone associated with him. start a new life, youve wasted enough time on an unbelievable asshole.

and, next time honey, dont stay with a married man. unless you see those divorce papers yourself, then run and hide. a crying mistress is hardly something to feel sorry for.

hello sweetcheeks! these lovely ladies are right, he is a co-dependent asshole who needs to constantly be in control.

this is what you do, im not sure what the law says in Denmark, but I‘m sure it would be O.K. to change the locks on your flat, and box his shit up and put it somewhere in storage. tell the landlord, or who owns the flat, what you are doing, and leave it at that. if he calls asking for his stuff, tell him to call the landlord and leave it at that.

move on! what an ordeal! you must be strong to have overcome such obstacles! stay as strong as you can, and never speak to him again. if your friends dont understand and still think hes a "keeper", then never speak to them again, either.

good luck! keep us posted!