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| WomanSaver's Forum |
| Topic: Analyze this
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| Subject: Analyze this - Posted: 3/15/2006 1:04:03 AM
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Just leave him. It will be the best thing you could possibly do. I
understand that you love him, but he will simply poison you. I‘ve known
so many guys like this it almost seems to be an epidemic. After all,
why would he bother to work when he‘s weaseled off all his duties and
responsibilities. Anyway you look at it, it‘s a dead end. He can‘t make
for a sensible father, ever, so the quicker you pull away from him, the
less he‘ll pull you down.
Leave him and never look back.
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| Topic: losin my mind
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| Subject: losin my mind - Posted: 3/15/2006 1:12:01 AM
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I‘ll agree all around. Nothing will test his true
commitment to you more than not having you at his beck and call. If he
comes crawling back on his hands and knees (which I know I would if I
was cut off from a girl I deeply cared about) then what more proof of commitment do you need?
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| Topic: No incoming call ID on cell phone
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| Subject: No incoming call ID on cell phone - Posted: 3/15/2006 1:34:30 AM
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Not to fan the flames of paranoia, but it is possible, as mercedeez
said, that he fiddled with the settings on the phone, or at the service
provider. You might try calling from a number of different phone
numbers and see what happens. If no
numbers ever show up as incoming calls, then it‘s likely to be
something at the service provider level (which could be a techical
glitch on the provider‘s side). If some get through, then it‘s a phone
specific setting.
To answer Nova‘s question, those that have no caller ID (CID) attached
to them are from blocked calls. You can call a number and block your
CID so it shows up as as a Private number. Some people do this
intentionally every time they dial a specific person, while others just
have it set by default on their phone (like I do). Whether or not it is
reason for concern I can‘t say.
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| Topic: I desparately want to recover text messages
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| Subject: I desparately want to recover text messages - Posted: 3/15/2006 1:10:41 PM
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| I_used_2luv_him wrote: | | How can i recover the text messages that were exchanged between he and the other women |
Sorry to say it I_used, but you can‘t. If he deletes the messages from
the "sent" area of his phone, those things are gone. No carriers that I
know of keep those messages in any kind of database (it‘d be a waste of
their time and resources). There‘s no way to retrieve it off his phone
because phones store things on flash memory, not hard drives, so you
can‘t use any forensic software to go back and resurrect what was
deleted.
Frankly though, if he‘s sending dozens
of messages throughout the course of the month to a particular number,
you can pretty much be certain that he‘s not just saying "go away." If
he truly claims that he just wants to be left alone, then have him call
his cell phone provider and have them disable
text messaging on his phone, then he‘d be left alone for certain. If he
won‘t do that, then...well, I think you know what to conclude.
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| Topic: At what age does an abuser start?
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| Subject: At what age does an abuser start? - Posted: 3/15/2006 1:55:34 PM
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missy‘s right, chances are she‘ll respond very badly from you if you
take the direct approach with her. I can assure you that guys even at that age can be very controlling and abusive (in fact, they‘re typically more
paranoid now than when they get older, it‘s high school afterall). I‘m
not much older than him, and I saw things like this all the time when I
was his age. Your fears are very likely valid.
You might be in a fortunate position nevertheless. I would explore the
avenue with her best friend that lives next door. Guys know what others
are like instantly. I can sniff a rotten jerk a mile away, and I‘m sure
he has an opinion on this boyfriend. Talk to him and get him to try to
talk to your daughter about her new boyfriend. An opinion from a friend
will go a long way to change her mind (especially if it‘s a guy, she‘ll
trust his opinion about other men more easily). Chances are things will
get ugly with the boyfriend, but hopefully in doing so, she‘ll see what
scum he really is and walk away.
Best of luck.
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| Topic: Awesome. You gotta see this!!!
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| Subject: Awesome. You gotta see this!!! - Posted: 3/15/2006 4:37:45 PM
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unbelievable....I‘m speechless.
wow
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| Topic: ATTENTION!!!!-About Gotvoice
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| Subject: ATTENTION!!!!-About Gotvoice - Posted: 3/15/2006 4:57:08 PM
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| krazykelly230 wrote: | |
whats gotvoice?
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It‘s a relatively new online service that you can sign up for. Once you
give it your cell number (or other voicemail equipped number) and your
voicemail pin, it will dial your number a set number of times a day
(you choose) and will check to see if you have any voicemail. If you
do, it records them, and emails them to you. It‘s a convenient little
service if you have the need for it. At the moment, it is free, but it
seems they will be making a pay service soon.
http://www.gotvoice.com
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| Topic: ATTENTION!!!!-About Gotvoice
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| Subject: ATTENTION!!!!-About Gotvoice - Posted: 3/15/2006 9:17:51 PM
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| miss_led wrote: | | verizon offers this, I have verizon and I never heard of it. |
No no, you misunderstand. It‘s not a verizon service. It‘s an independant company. It will work with any phone (cell or landline, that has voicemail). The service actually calls your phone (you have to ignore the call and let it go to voicemail) and then it will get into your voicemail and record your messages. It woks with Verizon, Cingular, landlines, etc. It‘s a third party company, not by an official service provider.
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| Topic: MySpace won‘t delete abusers :(
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| Subject: MySpace won‘t delete abusers :( - Posted: 3/16/2006 6:11:43 AM
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This is an unfortunate truth that is common among all service providers on the internet (both ISPs like AOL and Earthlink, as well as webpages like myspace). They effectively take the policy of don‘t look, don‘t tell. If they don‘t monitor or censor their network, or the traffic/content on their network, then they can claim service provider immunity and cannot be held liable for any incidents. They are only obligated to comply with government authorities in producing logs of subscribed usage, etc.
The reason they won‘t remove this abuser is because the minute they step in and censor him, they will be held responsible for all the content on the site, a task which, unfortunately, they are not equipped to handle. This doesn‘t mean that people are given a free ticket to do as they please. Their move effectively shifts the responsibility on the end user. You still would have the complete right to seek legal repurcussion against this abuser if you could provide proof, etc. However, such proof is all the more difficult to generate for online communication. Furthermore, most people are unaware of such hands-off policies and do not forsee the risks they expose themselves to in these online networks. This is one of the reasons I have not, and will not sign up my profile on these social networking sites.
I‘m glad you brought this up however, because it will at least draw attention to the problems and risks associated with these websites so users can be more aware.
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| Topic: Guys please don‘t compare your woman to...
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| Subject: Guys please don‘t compare your woman to... - Posted: 3/16/2006 6:26:59 AM
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| mercedeez wrote: |
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I always cook for him and he has not once cooked for me and he wouldn‘t know how to start! |
Make it more clear to him that this is important to you. He simply doesn‘t see the need. If you look at it from his point of view, he‘s accustomed to being waited on and lavished upon with little responsibilities of his own. How then do you expect him to be any different with you? He doesn‘t know any other world.
This will all change however if you show him how necessary it is that he learn to do his laundary, etc. When I lived at home (in high school), I did nothing for myself. Food, laundary, and cleaning were all taken care of by my mother. When I moved out for college, everything changed. I now cook for myself, clean (sorta, my apartment‘s a little messy), and do my own laundary. Why? Out of necessity. I don‘t have anyone to do it for me, and if I don‘t do it myself, it won‘t get done.
You need to show him that it is necessary for him to do these things for himself if he stands a chance at continuing his relationship with you. Give him some real motivation (i.e. losing you) to change his lazy habits. After all, if he won‘t change for you now, you‘ll never get him to change once married. And frankly, that‘s not the kind of marriage/relationship you want to find yourself ending up with.
Good luck.
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| Topic: What‘s your opinion?
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| Subject: What‘s your opinion? - Posted: 3/16/2006 12:30:25 PM
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| med0501 wrote: | I want more than nothing to be with him but I‘ve given him 1 too many chances, and now he wants to prove himself. |
You said it perfectly yourself. He has to prove himself. Prove that he cares for you, prove that he can provide for you, prove that he will be there for you. So let him prove it. Kick him out and give him this last chance. You are doing the right thing.
That being said, I‘m doubtful as to whether he‘ll change. He might, but I wouldn‘t count on it. He certainly seems to have some serious problems with verbal abuse, and I, personally, wouldn‘t take it. Part of his proof of caring for you must include speaking to you in a more respectful and positive tone. If that doesn‘t change, look elsewhere...that is not acceptable boyfriend/husband behavior.
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| Topic: when is cheating......cheating?
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| Subject: when is cheating......cheating? - Posted: 3/16/2006 12:50:45 PM
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| pechz wrote: |
when is cheating.....cheating?
usually be gone by now but i am older and really ready to settle down but i do not want to make a mistake.
|
I‘m not going to attempt a definitive definition here, but I would
venture to say that this is getting pretty close. After all, you have a
problem with it, he recognizes that problem as well, yet continues to do it....sounds pretty low to me.
It sounds like you‘re trying to get him to change, but it seems like
he‘s not having any of it. I‘m pretty pessimistic when it comes to
people‘s ability to change, and if he‘s not even budging a bit, there
seems to be very little hope for change.
You say that the only reason you haven‘t left him is because you‘re
older, but I don‘t think that‘s a very good reason. You shouldn‘t let
your age force you into making a bad decision. I don‘t know what your
views on this may be, but I would think it‘s a far better option to
look for another (costing you a few more years) than settle with this
and be unhappy (for many many years).
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| Topic: on the search
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| Subject: on the search - Posted: 3/16/2006 12:58:09 PM
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| hottlilitalian wrote: | | DO i ask him or is it too soon
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Just put the brakes on. The best thing you can do is just get to know him better. Jumping into things too soon is the
biggest problem that plauges us young‘ns. I‘ve seen far too much drama
and hurt feelings because people got together with different
expectations, values, goals, etc. I promise, it will not
kill you to just wait it out a little longer. Find out what he‘s
looking for and see if it matches up to what you want. Having a solid
friendship and understanding of each other is perhaps the most critical
foundation to a sucessful relationship, so you can‘t go wrong by
learning more about each other.
Good luck.
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| Topic: forums are down : (
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| Subject: forums are down : ( - Posted: 3/17/2006 8:08:13 PM
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It appears that access to the forums from the main page are down. Some can‘t get to any of them. In the userplane chat, we tripped over a way to get into the forums through the "new postings" view, which most everyone seems to be able to access: http://www.womansavers.com/p_newpostings.asp
You can post new threads by viewing a current message in a given forum and then clicking on "new post." It‘s a little bit of a of workaround, but that‘s how I got this post up.
To the admins: help! : )
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| Topic: I survived
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| Subject: I survived - Posted: 3/18/2006 8:47:54 PM
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Wow, that is quite a story. Congratulations on your victory though. I can‘t even imagine how difficult it must have been.
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| Topic: Caught
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| Subject: Caught - Posted: 3/23/2006 12:24:06 AM
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| gia1967 wrote: | Should I try to talk to her or was my original call warning enough?
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I‘m going to have to disagree with the majority on this one. I feel,
from a fundamental sense of altruism, that you should make just one
little effort to help her. I don‘t think you should call and speak with
her, those are too emotionally charged. What I might suggest though is
a letter, addressed to her. Write her a very cordial, polite letter
that states the truth about your wonderful
ex. Don‘t make it excited or slanderous, but in a very calm and
controlled tone explain why she should leave him. I don‘t think anyone
should have to deal with this kind of torture, and knowing that I at
least tried to save her from her fate would be reason enough to silence my guilt.
Consider it. I know it‘s not the popular choice, but you might just save a life by reaching out.
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| Topic: How to find out where he is when he reads email
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| Subject: How to find out where he is when he reads email - Posted: 3/23/2006 12:31:24 AM
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Yes, this method will work in many cases, but not all. The assumptions
here are that the client the user is viewing his/her email through:
1) supports html
2) supports inline/embedded pictures
If your target uses an old-school terminal to view his email (rare, but
think college professors) this is completely out of luck. More likely
however, the user might have decided to disable html rendering (to
protect from exploits, etc) or possibly may have disabled images
all-together. If your target is a run of the mill kind of computer user
on yahoo or gmail, then yes...more than likely it will work. But if the
user knows what they are doing with computers, don‘t count on it.
Particularly, if he/she has a reason to suspect you, you can forget it
all together.
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| Topic: Does He like me?
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| Subject: Does He like me? - Posted: 3/23/2006 12:51:03 AM
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| Kandismile wrote: | |
He may show me that he likes me, but he does not tell me. What do you think?
|
Might as well be money in the bank if you ask me. So perhaps he‘s a
little sensitive with his thoughts. Maybe he too has gone through a
difficult time and is afraid to talk about his feelings. Maybe perhaps
he doesn‘t want to scare you
away with talk of a relationship given what you‘ve recently gone
through. He sounds like a great guy, so give him a chance. You‘re in no
rush anyhow, so just wait him out. He‘ll be able to talk about it soon
enough. Furthermore, you say he‘s a good kisser (I‘m assuming you know
by experience). In my books, that counts as liking someone. So don‘t worry, he‘ll fess up soon enough.
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| Topic: Caught
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| Subject: Caught - Posted: 3/23/2006 12:58:01 AM
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| missydelite wrote: | | Yeah but she already tried. |
I didn‘t really see that. She mentioned that the girl picked up and she
asked to speak with him. She may have gotten a few words in the mean
time, but I see that explicitly stated. If she had already tried, then
I agree, forget it. But from the account as I understood it, there was
not much of an attempt, so I stand by my position. : )
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| Topic: Lot‘s of Girl Friends
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| Subject: Lot‘s of Girl Friends - Posted: 3/28/2006 1:52:45 AM
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| I think I‘ll be echoing some of the expressed sentiment here. I, too,
have a lot of friends that are girls, and I am often seeking their
advice. If you trust him, then I don‘t think you should have much to
worry about. I do feel however, that you should talk to him about
issues that bother you. If you think your sex life is too private, then
discuss it with him; he should respect your concerns. A relationship is
a partnership, and it does
have precedence over friendships. You are allowed to set limits on what
he can/cannot express with his friends (guys or girls), and obviously,
you should abide by the same rules. If he doesn‘t accept these terms,
then you might want to start worrying, because he should not have
anything to hide from you.
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| Topic: Best places to meet normal men
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| Subject: Best places to meet normal men - Posted: 3/28/2006 2:12:19 AM
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If I were to advise, then I would say the basic rule of thumb is to
look for guys where you know guys wouldn‘t be hanging out to find
girls. So no bars, clubs, etc....this is where the riff-raff hang out
because it‘s supposed to be where everything‘s happening. The normal
guys tend to shy away from these places because they don‘t fit in/feel
comfortable. Look around in seemingly mundane areas of your life,
(coffee shops are a good idea, I agree). The normal good guys are out
in there, sometimes even a little too shy to approach you. Don‘t give
up.
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| Topic: Thought of the day
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| Subject: Thought of the day - Posted: 3/28/2006 3:11:22 AM
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|
not to mention that it‘s just so uncomfortable. It‘s really not worth the discomfort; you feel so much better letting the body do its thing.
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| Topic: What makes you happy??????
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| Subject: What makes you happy?????? - Posted: 3/28/2006 3:21:36 AM
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| patrick wrote: | Cartoons. Invader Zim - totally.
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heck ya! Zim was awesome.
I was so crushed that nick cancelled it after the second season, it was
so brilliant. I do have both seasons though (gotta love the net).
But yes, cartoons rule! I‘m working on building up an exhaustive Looney
Tunes collection, Bugs is a god. : )
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| Topic: Married man sues dating site for barring him
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| Subject: Married man sues dating site for barring him - Posted: 3/28/2006 3:58:16 AM
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Screw all that, the guy doesn‘t have a case whatsoever. eHarmony is a business, and as such, they can extend or deny services to anyone
they fricken choose (as long as it doesn‘t violate certain
discrimination laws, etc etc). A business is never forced to render
their services to you. If they don‘t like you for any reason, they can
turn you away. End of story.
As far as the state law goes, there are exceptions to that law, e.g. when the services rendered target a specific group of people regarding their marital status. Move along people, nothing to see here...
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| Topic: Do I tell her??
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| Subject: Do I tell her?? - Posted: 3/29/2006 11:08:02 PM
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| hopelessromantic wrote: | | Should I tell her?
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Consider this, wouldn‘t you want her to tell you if you were ever in
such an unfortunate situation? Don‘t you feel it‘ll do her more harm to
discover later (after she is even more emotionally invovled/committed)
than now?
I would definitely tell her. She‘ll thank you for it (perhaps not now, but later).
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| Topic: Help please
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| Subject: Help please - Posted: 3/29/2006 11:14:00 PM
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| Sync wrote: | | i already down loaded a program the records everything on the
computer. each letter he types, what sites he goes to and
ims. EVERYTHING!!!!!! |
Just be careful to reveal your hand. If you installed that piece of software on his
computer without his knowledge, that‘s illegal, and you can‘t tell him.
If he discovers this, he is well within his rights to take legal
action. If it‘s yours, then you‘re ok. If it‘s a shared computer,
things are iffy. Be careful.
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| Topic: need to know whats wrong with him
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| Subject: need to know whats wrong with him - Posted: 3/29/2006 11:26:28 PM
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| I‘ll chime in with my support. Get him served; I wanna see him pay (in more ways than one).
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| Topic: What should I do?
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| Subject: What should I do? - Posted: 3/31/2006 4:52:21 AM
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It seems that it‘s a hot night for trust issues...I agree with the
sentiment presented. You can‘t get married in this mindset. Trust is a
big big deal, and for
reasons you have yet to mention, you don‘t trust him. Whether this is
his fault, or your own paranoia, it is not clear yet. However, I
feel you should not enter into marriage with a man you cannot trust.
Find out why it is you don‘t trust him, and see if you can resolve
them. If they stem from him, and they are legitimate reasons, decide if
you are willing to live with them while you are married, or walk away
from him, there‘s no hope. If it is from within you, then figure out
why you can‘t trust him and fix it. That is something you can‘t walk away from, and you‘re going to have to resolve it at some point. If you‘ve found a good guy, then now is the time to resolve your trust issues. Good luck.
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| Topic: Any advice for a site for Al-Anon
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| Subject: Any advice for a site for Al-Anon - Posted: 4/1/2006 1:15:44 AM
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I know your pain. I have a close friend that is also an alcoholic, and despite my best efforts, there is no hope for her. My friends and I have tried everything we can to help her, but she keeps being sucked in. I‘ve contemplated an intervention, but have realized it is out of my ability. From what you describe, you seem to know very little about an intervention, and I must warn you that it is not a trivial task. It is a very delicate and complex social dynamic that must be approached with the upmost care. Upon learning this, I realized that I was in no position to attempt to lead such a delicate social injunction. If you are serious about pursuing an intervention, then consult a psychologist or other trained professional who has the knowledge and ability to lead the intervention. In reality, they‘re nothing like what you see on TV and are not as effective as popularized by our culture (no surprise there).
That being said, please weigh carefully whether you really want to go through with it. Ultimately, you have to realize, as I did, that as much as it may pain you to see your sister suffer, it is her life and she is making the choices. You have a responsibility to help and guide her from falling into a trap, but you cannot be responsible for her sufferrings when she chooses to fall. That may be a difficult thing to accept, and it may plague you with an incredible amount of guilt, as it did me, but it is the unfortunate truth. Some poeple just have to come to see their faults on their own. In some very unfortunate cases, the individual never reaches that point and dies from his/her addiction/choices. It, however, is not your fault. You have done what you can to try to save her, and if she rejects your help, then all you can do is sit back an pray.
I am sorry. I hope for the best.
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| Topic: Hi guys, I need your opinions on this
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| Subject: Hi guys, I need your opinions on this - Posted: 4/4/2006 1:45:36 AM
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| Your fears and concerns are not unwarranted. Relationships that last
into the years should not have secrets. He should not be hiding his
friends from you, as he was with this girl. He should be willing to
talk about this girl with you. Furthermore, if she really is a close
friend of his, then you should know her well too. The fact that he‘s
keeping her from you should have been the biggest alarm in the world.
Something‘s certainly not kosher. Get rid of him and move on, he‘s not
honest and certainly not worth your time.
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| Topic: Cheating or not?
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| Subject: Cheating or not? - Posted: 4/6/2006 11:00:01 PM
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| judy is entirely correct. Address the issue. I think it‘s a pretty big
deal. Sure, he‘s not physically cheating on you, but the mental state
is more dangerous in my opinion. I might actually be able to forgive an
instance of one sucummbing to physical temptation; the flesh is weak.
However, something premeditated and mentally planned out is just
unacceptable. He is consciously spending time with these other girls.
If you refuse to walk out on him, then ensure he stops, and that he
realizes why it is wrong. Otherwise, you‘re just asking for a world of
hurt. Good Luck.
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| Topic: Opinions please
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| Subject: Opinions please - Posted: 4/7/2006 12:22:10 AM
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In my opinion, arguments are the spice of life. I surely hope you
disagree with you significant other, because that‘s the only way to
really push one‘s boundaries and test one‘s beliefs and values. If you
can‘t hold your own in a discussion, then why ascribe to a particular
belief. If those arguments blow up into fights, then there‘s an issue.
Small disagreements however, are the very things that make life
interesting.
The trust issue is a little more serious. If he‘s in a committed
relationship, then there should be no secrets. He should answer all
your questions and never try to hide anything. Doing so is worrisome.
I‘ve always considered the lives of partners in a relationship to be
like an open book. You don‘t necessarily have to know everything about
the other person, and you certainly shouldn‘t be trying to explain
every bit of your life to your partner. However,
if need be, one should be able to read any page of their partner‘s life
without question. Trust is a big big issue, and without it, you have
little hope for a healthy relationship.
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| Topic: Questions,,
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| Subject: Questions,, - Posted: 4/7/2006 12:55:31 AM
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Change is always possible, even in the most futile of cases. The beauty
of the human species is the power of the mind. That said however, most men will likely never change. Just because the ability to change is present doesn‘t imply that he will.
If he doesn‘t give you a reason to suspect that he‘s cheating, then why
worry about it? If you trust him, then trust his word. If not, then
don‘t even bother asking.
Guys know when they like a girl and when they really like a girl. We have emotions and though we don‘t peek into them often, we know what‘s going on.
That behavior is manipulative and stupid. It‘s psychologically abusive
and should not be tolerated. Call him on it and if he continues, get
rid of him.
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| Topic: Prince charming or con
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| Subject: Prince charming or con - Posted: 4/7/2006 1:38:47 AM
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| Something doesn‘t smell right. I‘d be careful. You don‘t need another
messy relationship, so just keep your distance and give it time. If
he‘s serious about you, then it will show and the sly tactics will wear
off if he‘s truthful. I doubt it though, someone truthful wouldn‘t need
to be so cunning. Be very very wary.
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| Topic: erm confuddled....
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| Subject: erm confuddled.... - Posted: 4/7/2006 2:54:46 AM
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| niave wrote: | | or keep one eye open for a real man.
|
I think that‘s pretty bad advice. I don‘t think she should be on constant worry with a man she can‘t trust until
a better one comes along. If you don‘t want to monitor him like a hawk
(which I can‘t ever imagine why you would want to) get rid of him and
look for another. He‘s not trustworthy, and in my opinion, has already
committed the worst form of cheating: mental adultery. I don‘t think
this will be the end of his loyalty problems. It‘s best to cut your
losses now and move on. Good luck.
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| Topic: Cheating or not?
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| Subject: Cheating or not? - Posted: 4/7/2006 7:59:58 PM
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huh? This is a huge change
from your original post. Are these really just friends of his that you
never asked him about, or are they really attempts at going for love?
Categorizing things as "something discrete" doesn‘t really sound like
friendship to me. I think you need to figure out what‘s really going
on, and whether he‘s telling the truth/pulling the wool over your eyes,
or if you‘re just being paranoid/acutally have something to genuinely
worry about.
It seems to me that you‘re mostly just upset with the fact that he
found out about your little plot. Sure, it was sneaky, but that‘s not
the focus of the issue. The issue here is what he was doing with those
women online. Find out what‘s going on, then worry about him being
upset for not trusting you. If he really was out to find love, then you
were entirely right in not trusting him.
We‘re going to be of
very little help unless you can figure out both your and his situation.
Sending us starkly contrasting messages is only going to confuse the
heck out of all of us. Good luck.
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| Topic: What men consider romantic
|
| Subject: What men consider romantic - Posted: 4/7/2006 9:02:48 PM
|
I think I have a problem with, or exeption to all of these rules,
execpt for #5. To me, that one he nailed right on the money, and, in my
opinion, should have been #1. All of the other stuff is secondary,
wrong, or not necessarily true for all men.
That last one however, is the only thing he got right on. If you can show your man that you really do understand him, how he thinks, and what he
wants and needs, then he‘ll roll over and play dead for you (as well as
any other number of tricks your heart may desire). Many men feel
isolated and detached from their partners because they just feel
misunderstood by their women. Granted, this can often be the result of
a lack of communication on him, or both parties, but nevertheless, the
feeling is present.
I‘m certainly not singling this out as a
uniquely male need, because I‘d be willing to bet many women would kill
for the same kind of understanding. What I am certain of is that good
communication is fundamental for this understanding, without it, any
relationship is hopeless. I know that I would strive my hardest to
understand my partner fully and completely, so that I can provide for
her needs and wants. Not surprisingly, I would only pray that she would
do the same for me as well.
|
|
| Topic: Am I just jaded now or is this the norm???
|
| Subject: Am I just jaded now or is this the norm??? - Posted: 4/7/2006 11:04:28 PM
|
I‘ve never been married, but I do know some that are, and it sickens me
to see them hit on, or even flirt with other women. I used to call them
on it, but now I don‘t even bother, Their responses were just too
amazing. "She‘ll never find out." "My wife‘s ok with it, she knows." I
was dumbfounded. I don‘t even get their desire or point, but some men
are this way. Thatnkfully, not all are scum like this, but some are.
What I will agree with is that the bar scene is the wrong place to look
for decent men. That environment is just horribly predatory and full of
the kind of men you don‘t want to have a relationship with. Look in
places a little more defanged and you will have better luck.
|
|
| Topic: What is good for one is not okay for the other
|
| Subject: What is good for one is not okay for the other - Posted: 4/7/2006 11:35:22 PM
|
| I guess that‘s why he‘s your ex now. It is ok for women to go to bars.
After all, what do you think all those predatory married men are after?
If women didn‘t go in there, they would never bother. Why did your
controlling ex not want you in a bar? Simple, he didn‘t trust you and
knew you‘d be hit on by the other men. Insecure, sleasy, and
possesive...you did well by getting rid of him.
|
|
| Topic: Am I just jaded now or is this the norm???
|
| Subject: Am I just jaded now or is this the norm??? - Posted: 4/8/2006 3:09:32 PM
|
| CHGirl wrote: | | The
people who are just looking for a good time should just say so up front
and the ones who are looking to maybe build something could do the same
also. The guys who lie about wanting a realationship fit into the
first group but for some reason are not trueful about it!!! Why
is that??? |
Come now, the answer to
that is obvious. If there really was a way to sort out which guys
wanted a committed relationship versus those who just wanted to party
and have flings, which side do you think 90% of women would flock
to?... Really now, that‘s the entire reason men lie and hide their real
nature. This is why so many men try to come off as polite gentlemen.
They are out to trick the girl into believing he wants the same thing
out of a relationship as she does.
Does it work? Oh yes, it
works. Many guys are just too good at that game, and unfortunately,
women fall for it. Frankly, I wish men were truthful...then I might
actually have a chance in "the game." It is unfortunately far from the
case. This is why I stay away from the meat markets...I‘m
not out there to try to prey on, and deceive women, and furthermore, it
sickens me to see such sleazy men try and succeed. Why it‘s not obvious
to women, I‘ll never understand. Just realize that you‘ll just have to
constantly put up with these types of men in those environments.
|
|
| Topic: Not Ready Yet!
|
| Subject: Not Ready Yet! - Posted: 4/13/2006 2:00:03 AM
|
| Lou1se wrote: | So I‘m going to be there as a friend, no hidden agenda,
|
Hehe,
forgive my chuckle, but I don‘t believe you for a moment. Who are you
trying to fool? I‘m not saying what you‘re doing is wrong, because
being there for someone else is really a great thing, especially when
it has the potential to blossom into a relationship.
Go for it, I think he‘ll open up to you and realize that he‘s got
someone special right in front of his eyes. In the meantime, don‘t try
to kid yourself or us about your platonic ideals. ;P
|
|
| Topic: Why Did a Man Of God act Like The Devil???
|
| Subject: Why Did a Man Of God act Like The Devil??? - Posted: 4/14/2006 10:54:37 PM
|
Wow...he‘s a class A predator in my opinion, he‘s got it down to an
artform...*shudders* What‘s worse is that he does it from a guise of
divine inspiration. That would be considered blasphemous by Christian
doctrine, if he were Catholic....well, excommunication comes to mind.
He‘s not a man of God, he‘s a spawn of the devil.
I‘m sorry you were suckered in by this. There‘s little that‘s worse
than religious doctrine being twisted and miscontrued for one‘s
personal gain. Too much of the world‘s conflicts result from fanatics
like this.
Forget about him and focus on your current situation. You have a lot to
consider and are responsible for two lives now. No good will ever come
from, but keep his contact info because it may be necessary to report
to the gov for child support. Good luck.
|
|
| Topic: Yeah, I‘d do you, but I‘m paid to see you in the morning!
|
| Subject: Yeah, I‘d do you, but I‘m paid to see you in the morning! - Posted: 4/19/2006 3:04:38 AM
|
| missy is right. Guys can‘t hide this well at all. If it‘s driving you
this insane, then do something about it. Coffee is perfect, lunch is
also ideal. You work together, so go to lunch or take your breaks
together. While there, flirt flirt flirt...it‘ll be more than obvious based on how he responds. If he‘s interested, you will know. Have fun.
|
|
| Topic: I don‘t get this at all
|
| Subject: I don‘t get this at all - Posted: 4/19/2006 3:16:20 AM
|
| onlyme wrote: | | I do not get men at all. |
What‘s not to get? Sounds trivial to me. Sure, you had a friendship, but obviously
it didn‘t mean much to him. Are you surprised by that? Many men have
this incredible ability to pull women into rather deep emotional
intimacy while keeping themselves almost entirely detached. How they
manage to do this, I‘ll never understand, but that‘s a different matter
entirely. When he saw that he could have fun with you as well, he
decided to jump on it. No surprise there either. He, like many other
men, is a pig.
At that point, it‘s a matter of pride, not
losing face, admitting any wrongdoing, etc. It‘s utterly childish
behaviour, but far too many men never grow up. He‘s in the majority.
Again, no surprise. Forget about him and move on, you‘ll be very glad
you‘re rid of him. One that puts such a small value on a long
friendship like that is not the kind of person you want to be involved
with or marrying anyhow. You‘re much better off without him.
|
|
| Topic: us cellular calls...
|
| Subject: us cellular calls... - Posted: 4/25/2006 11:11:25 PM
|
| menrsexpigs wrote: | | but I figure alls fair in love & war
|
I‘m sorry to disagree here, but not everything is
fair in love. In fact, he could have gotten you into some legal trouble
for changing his billing address or requesting his bills without his
permission. Unless the account is in both your names, or he has put
your name on the account as an authorized user, you are not legally
allowed to touch it. Doing otherwise is fraud, and could get you into
some trouble.
|
|
| Topic: hackers found
|
| Subject: hackers found - Posted: 4/28/2006 9:45:07 PM
|
I hate to say this, but it‘s somewhat expected. This site is run off a windows machine running IIS...IIS of all things. The unforunate truth is that a two bit kiddie scripter could break into this site in a matter of minutes. That‘s the sad state of servers on winboxes. Given the high profile nature of this site, the admins should seriously consider migrating over a *nix/apache/php/mysql solution instead of relying on win/IIS/asp/access (ew). Things are only going to continue in this fashion unless the system tightens up. It‘s the sad but unfortunate truth. I see this happen everywhere I go with microsoft products, but no one ever seems to care until things reach meltdown.
I ask the admins, how much more of this are you willing to tolerate? At what point will the apparent convenience of ms products outweigh the cost? I‘d venture to say it‘s enough already, but that‘s just my opinion.
|
|
| Topic: Disappearing Posts
|
| Subject: Disappearing Posts - Posted: 4/29/2006 5:32:22 PM
|
| LittleMissWomansaver wrote: |
Windows 2003 SP1 with SQL SP4 is very secure. MySQL would not be a good database for us to use because it does not have many of the features needed for this site.
It just doesn‘t make sense. A true hacker would have blown the message board to bits, yet they didn‘t.
|
Agreed, mysql isn‘t the full featured, fully-replicatable database that can match the muscle of MSSQL, but something like postgreSQL surely is--rivalling even oracle. Linux/bsd and the open source offerings have the ability to match and surpass the MS offerrings in the server market, no question about it. The real issue is whether you want to port it over. Translating things over to php/C/perl/ruby/python etc etc.... isn‘t a trivial task, but I worry about the cost of not doing it.
win2k3 isn‘t bad, and neither is mssql, it‘s really IIS that‘s the problem here. A quick google will reveal multitudes of holes and exploits for IIS (for all versions of windows). About 90% of my apache servers hits are from kiddie scripters hammering away at IIS exploits (GET %windir/system32/cmd.exe and the like). As secure as 2k3 may profess to be, it‘s not. Believe me, I‘ve patched it, sp1 and all, and it still gets compromised in about a couple days if I leave IIS on. Granted, this is because I‘m on a uni network and the servers are huge targets here because of the fat pipe, but still....No one in my lab runs IIS anymore, the break-ins (and a little coaxing from me) have convinced them all to move to apache under linux.
I will agree, though this does not appear to be a security issue, but more of an internal glitch, I‘m still concerned. Although it is simply my opinion, I fear that the same experiences I have faced previously may appear here as well, particularly as the site grows and attracts more visitors/attention.
|
|
| Topic: Roman has been warned
|
| Subject: Roman has been warned - Posted: 5/3/2006 2:25:44 AM
|
| Angry_Jerk wrote: | And Surf should be banned and reported to his ISP just for trying to make my info public. That shit‘s illegal.
|
Forgive
me, but I can only handle so much arrogance and ignorance before it
becomes intolerable. You need to adjust your attitude. Even if someone
accuses you wrongly, responding by blowing up at them only makes you
more guilty in the minds of the accusers. Consider that, please.
With regards to the legallity of your concern, I please ask you to cite your source. There is no right to privacy on the Internet, neither stated nor implied.
Your information was not leaked or revealed from a source that has any
obligation to respect your privacy (i.e. business, service provider,
etc). It was and is your perogative to disclose whatever amount of
information necessary for another to piece together who you are. If
that third party then chooses to disclose that knowledge, it is his decision and right. If
you gave him that information without any contract aside from an
implied concept of privacy, then you are completely without any right
to the privacy of that information. Granted, it was against the
policies of this site, and therefore removed, however, it is not
illegal. Furthermore, one could also argue the ethical implications of
such a decision, but, that is not in question here. Should I have the
motivation or desire to, I could post whatever information I have about
anyone online, and it would be my right to do so. Information is
public; not only do you know that, but you‘ve demanded it even in your
conversations here.
You,
of all people, should understand the freedom of information implicit on
the Internet; and it is very ironic for you to now complain about
information disclosure. If you are not comfortable with that, terminate
your account and leave little trace so you are forgotten quickly.
Anything other than that will simply attract more attention to
yourself. I hope you come to an understanding of this and act more
respectfully.
|
|
| Topic: Boards down through firefox
|
| Subject: Boards down through firefox - Posted: 5/3/2006 5:53:10 PM
|
Whatever changes were enacted this morning, they killed thread viewing
for those with firefox. I say this morning because this change occurred
sometime between 5AM and 1PM PST on May 3rd.
Everything works fine with IE6 on Windows, but Firefox 1.0.3 on WinXP
SP2 as well as Firefox 1.0.8 on Linux 2.6.15.6 (running Xorg 11rev0 rel
6.8.2, gtk+ 2.8.12) fail to load threads. I can browse the forums, but
cannot view any thread. The following error is encountered:
ADODB.Field error ‘800a0bcd‘ Either BOF or EOF is True, or the current record has been deleted. Requested operation requires a current record. /p_posts.asp, line 212
Help? : )
|
|
| Topic: Boards down through firefox
|
| Subject: Boards down through firefox - Posted: 5/3/2006 5:57:19 PM
|
Wow, that was cool. Things work now. I was surprised to see my post
show up when I hit "submit", but there it was. I checked other threads,
and sure enough, those work as well.
As of five minutes to 5PM PST, things are fine. My issue has been
resolved, thanks to the techs for working on it. If possible, I‘d still
like to know what the issue was. I‘m always curious. : )
|
|
| Topic: I cant take it anymore
|
| Subject: I cant take it anymore - Posted: 5/3/2006 6:12:44 PM
|
| krazykelly230 wrote: | | you need to contact eharmony and tell them that he is your boyfriend.
They will discontinue his membership for being involved wih someone.
|
Forget that. She was his boyfriend. Let him have his fun on eharmony. From what it sounds like, he‘s going to need all the help he can get.
You‘re doing the right thing cherry. You deserve a basic level of
respect that he doesn‘t want to give you, so get away and find someone
that will give it to you. Good luck.
|
|
| Topic: Upset
|
| Subject: Upset - Posted: 5/3/2006 6:16:24 PM
|
| Agreed, keep your distance. He‘s treating you as "second best" but
doesn‘t realize how lucky he is to even have you consider his proposal.
tera‘s right, he‘ll wander off as soon as he trips over something more
appetizing in his opinion. That‘s not how you should be treated.
Respect yourself, demand better, and keep away. Good luck.
|
|
| Topic: Be Aware of This Too...
|
| Subject: Be Aware of This Too... - Posted: 5/3/2006 6:28:30 PM
|
| BlogMistress Womansaver wrote: | A guy I dated, when my late dog had surgery & I was upset, said to
me "its just a dog." He showed me the same amount of compassion
when he cheated on me.
|
I‘d have to disagree here. Lack of compassion for an animal doesn‘t
necessarily translate into lack of compassion for another human being.
It‘s actually based more on one‘s values and beliefs. Granted, there is
little excuse for mistreatment of animals (I am not arguing against
that in any way), but to extend that analogy to lack of empathy for an
animal is not valid.
I don‘t have an incredible amount of emapthy for animals. Why? With
enough of a biological science background, the magical aspects of a
living being become reduced to roughly explainable and crudely
understandable principles of chemistry, biochemistry, and physics.
After all, if I were to have an overwhelming sense of empathy for
animals, logically, that should extend to all
forms of life--including the bacteria that I kill and destroy with
every breath, step, and house cleaning. Sounds a little ridiculous,
does it not?
Despite this, I have a very strong sense of empathy for other people. I
have never and would never abuse or cheat on my significant other.
People find my extremely compassionate and caring as well. It‘s not
valid to therefore extrapolate an individual‘s empathy for animals to
humans. They are on different levels entirely.
|
|
| Topic: Boards down through firefox
|
| Subject: Boards down through firefox - Posted: 5/3/2006 8:51:52 PM
|
The problem has reared it‘s ugly head again. : (
ADODB.Field error ‘800a0bcd‘
help?
|
|
| Topic: Boards down through firefox
|
| Subject: Boards down through firefox - Posted: 5/3/2006 8:54:05 PM
|
| Ok, now I‘m thoroughly confused. Immediately after making that post, my
problem was solved. This looks like some weird cookie-ish error. It
broke as soon as I had closed my firefox session earlier. However,
posting seems to fix it. What I can‘t fully confirm just yet is whether
it‘s the act of posting or the act of logging in. I will cycle and test
that now.
|
|
| Topic: Boards down through firefox
|
| Subject: Boards down through firefox - Posted: 5/3/2006 9:01:43 PM
|
Ok, so I think I have the error relatively localized. It only happens when using firefox and you haven‘t logged into the forums.
It will still happen if I login through the main page, but once
I logged in a second time through the forums, the problem resolves
itself. I‘m fairly certain this change occurred sometime last
night/evening, because I used to be able to browse threads without
having logged in. This also throws my IE remark out the window because
my IE session was logged in at the time. It is possible it happens
under IE as well if the user has not logged in yet.
Admin(s) care to poke into this a little? Thank you.
|
|
| Topic: Be Aware of This Too...
|
| Subject: Be Aware of This Too... - Posted: 5/10/2006 12:24:19 AM
|
| CiarrahStar wrote: | Obviously
not every case is the same, and I agree that just because a person
abuses their animal doesn‘t mean they will abuse a human based on their
value system. |
You misunderstood me here. I made no excuse for the abuse
of animals. Go back to the first paragraph of my post and you will see
that I do not justify abuse of animals in any way. I agree with BMW
here that abuse of animals is in fact tied to abuse of humans, I do not
disagree with the literature or research at all. I have read it and
personally agree.
My point of disagreement was upon the issue of empathy towards animals. Lack of empathy for animals is not
abuse; it is simply the lack of overwhelming concern for animals. Am I
thus justiying neglect? Certainly not. If you own a pet, then you are
responsible for it, and are expected to have an emotional connection
with it and care for it. Not doing so is neglect and abuse. But for
those who choose not to own pets, lack of empathy is not abuse. This
was my point of argument with BMW‘s post, because I do not agree that
the two are related. Lack of compassion for an animal (that is not
one‘s pet) does not necessitate abusive tendancies with humans.
I brought up the bacteria analogy to further support my argument. Why
should I have empathy for an animal that is not mine? If I should be
expected to, then why does the expectation not extend all the way to
bacteria? From my standpoint, given that I have little emotional
connection, I could almost justify necessitating empathy for bacteria
if empathy for higher-form animals that I do not own is likewise
expected.
I hope this clears up the disctinction I was trying to make.
|
|
| Topic: Qustion
|
| Subject: Qustion - Posted: 5/10/2006 12:38:06 AM
|
| warriorprincess wrote: | | Does he care at all??? |
Maybe
he does, maybe he doesn‘t. The fact that he instigated the break up
likely points to the idea that he has a conscience, but that doesn‘t
mean much given what he did. Keep away from him.
More to the
point, why do you care? He clearly didn‘t love and respect you enough
to stay loyal to you during your courtship/engagement. And if he can‘t
keep his desires in check during this time, there‘s no telling what
he‘d be like once you were married and the honeymoon stage dissolved.
Consider yourself lucky that you‘re no longer with him. Though he may
have caused you an incredible amount of pain now (and/or in the recent
past and/or short term future), he has "saved" you from a lifetime of
sufferring and misery. I wouldn‘t be too upset about that.
|
|
| Topic: help me please
|
| Subject: help me please - Posted: 5/10/2006 1:15:41 AM
|
Oh my....be very very careful
with this. You could end up in a huge legal mess. Recording phone
conversations can be illegal, and the law varies from state to state.
Recording phone calls without the knowledge of either calling party is
called "wire tapping," and is illegal in every state in the country.
Only the government and law enforcement are allowed to wire tap,
and law enforcement must have probable cause or a warrant. The
government‘s restrictions are not so well defined, but I don‘t want to
get into this (see the Patriot Act or Project Echelon if you‘re
curious). You, however, cannot do this legally.
On the otherhand, if one of the calling parties has knowledge that the
conversation is being recorded, then it may be legal. This depends
entirely on state law, and it varies wildly from state to state. I
don‘t know what the law is in New York, but in California, this is
illegal. In California (and when I say California, I mean calls
originating from the state), both calling parties must have knowledge
that a phone conversation will be recorded, otherwise it is illegal.
This is why when you call customer service, they always have the little
message just before you connect "This call may be recorded...". They
claim it‘s for "training and quality purposes," but it‘s just an
efficient way to ensure they don‘t get sued.
I would strongly advise
against this. If he found out, he would have full right to pursue legal
reparations. If you‘re going to try this, ensure you will never be
caught and that you never reveal this to him. Good luck.
|
|
| Topic: Larger Text Box Size Request
|
| Subject: Larger Text Box Size Request - Posted: 5/10/2006 1:31:52 AM
|
I must apologize, but this is driving me crazy. Why is the text box for posting a message so tiny?
I would have to say it is the smallest size of any forum I‘ve ever been
to. I‘m sitting here typing away in this teeny little box with a good 2/3 of my screen wasted on the sides to the right and left. WHY??
To the admin(s): PLEASE change the format of the post page to give us
some more room. Make it dynamic and fill the size of browser window (I
know HTML can do that, I‘ve done it myself...hehe). Granted, I know
this would be a departure from the current CSS structure of the site,
but I think ther should be an exception because the CSS doesn‘t work
for the post page; it‘s too small!
I know some have suggested typing in an external editor and then posting, but then I don‘t get to use any of the really fun formatting if I just cut and paste. Come now admin(s), make the site a little more conducive to posting!
Thank you.
|
|
| Topic: Larger Text Box Size Request
|
| Subject: Larger Text Box Size Request - Posted: 5/10/2006 11:15:30 AM
|
| LittleMissWomansaver wrote: | Are you talking about the white box when you "post a reply" on the
message board or the black box that you post into when you post a new
reply?
|
I am talking about the litte white box for both "new post" and "post a
reply." Mine (as showing up in firefox) are quite small, only about 400
pixels in width and roughly 200 or so tall. That‘s far too small. This
text alone has used up 2/3 of the available space.
|
|
| Topic: Larger Text Box Size Request
|
| Subject: Larger Text Box Size Request - Posted: 5/10/2006 1:02:16 PM
|
| mel is interpretting me correctly. I just want to see more of my post
at one time without having to scroll up/down. That‘s all I‘m after,
really. I mean, I can only fit around 8-10 words per line, and I only
get about 10 lines before the box runs out and I have to scroll to see
text. That‘s about a 100 word max viewable window...too small, at least
in my opinion.
|
|
| Topic: Larger Text Box Size Request
|
| Subject: Larger Text Box Size Request - Posted: 5/10/2006 8:39:49 PM
|
Certainly. I get around 3.75" by 1.75" on my screen. I run at 1600x1200
with firefox on Linux. The next couple lines will show the expanse of
my line width.
1234567890123456789012345678901234567890
__________________________________________________
I only get 40 characters (at the default "text size") on my browser. If I make the text smaller, then I can fit more:
12345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890
___________________________________________________________________
That puts it at 50 characters per line.
Even so, that‘s still really small
in my opinion. I sorta felt that the norm was to have around 100-200
characters per line (effectively most/all of the width of the browser
window) for text input.
Do others feel the same way, or am I just crazy?
|
|
| Topic: Larger Text Box Size Request
|
| Subject: Larger Text Box Size Request - Posted: 5/10/2006 8:47:30 PM
|
| LittleMissWomansaver wrote: | | However, I will keep the change in mind.
|
Yay, there is hope! Chalk another one up for the squeaky wheel philosophy. : )
Thanks LMW.
|
|
| Topic: Found Husband on Adult Friend Finders
|
| Subject: Found Husband on Adult Friend Finders - Posted: 5/10/2006 9:14:15 PM
|
| brokenwings wrote: | | Any suggestions? I could use any help I can get. |
Oh
come now, make your life easy. Just get the credit card bills. Subpeona
for them if you have to. It‘s not like he‘s paying this site via cash,
so there‘s gotta be a paper trail somewhere. Work smarter, not harder.
The other thing to do to lure him in (if you feel you have to), is to
open up a new yahoo account and email from that. It‘s not very
difficult to do so. If he‘s somewhat computer savvy though, just do it
from the library/friend‘s computer and he‘ll never know. If you really
want privacy, or are dealing with a very computer savvy guy, use a
hushmail (http://www.hushmail.com) account. It leaves no traces
whatsoever and will guarantee your anonymity. Good luck.
|
|
| Topic: Right vs Wrong
|
| Subject: Right vs Wrong - Posted: 5/11/2006 4:20:11 AM
|
| 2knowhim wrote: | | So, the trick is, and women help me here, how does a man get himself noticed, without appearing to be brash or arrogant? |
You
have no idea how many times I‘ve asked myself that. It just kills me to
see some arrogant prick pull off some sleazy moves and lines and get away
with it. It simply tears me apart and I feel like screaming to the
girl..."Can‘t you see what he‘s trying to do?" Clearly, however, she
doesn‘t.
I don‘t know...I‘m guessing it‘s really more about
the type of man women my age are after/attracted to. Despite their
claims, I just can‘t accept the idea that they‘re really
after the stable relationship. They whine and complain (to me, no less,
ugh...) that no guys they would be interested in are looking for a
relationship--it‘s all I can do not to scream out..."Well, obviously....you‘re interested in the wrong type of guy."
Would they be attracted to the quiet, shy, polite, intelligent,
compassionate, and caring guy that would lose sleep over the idea of
ever hurting them? Of course not. They are instead attracted to these
sleazeballs that couldn‘t care less about them. Somehow these girls
expect to find a sheep under wolf‘s clothing, but the old parable was
not mistaken...it‘s always the other way around.
Sigh, I think
I‘ll stop my rant now. For their sake (as well as mine), I hope they
wise up and see the light soon. Hehe...I can dream, can‘t
I? ; )
|
|
| Topic: Larger Text Box Size Request
|
| Subject: Larger Text Box Size Request - Posted: 5/11/2006 11:54:50 AM
|
Booya! hehe....this is sweet! Much much better.
I do agree though, 16x12 is a little too much, most users hover around
1024x768 and some are creeping up to 1280x1024, but this change is very
very welcome.
 <- victory dance
Thank you LMW! I never expected such an immediate change. I am a little speechless and dumbfounded. Thank you.
|
|
| Topic: Wireless Net Problem
|
| Subject: Wireless Net Problem - Posted: 5/11/2006 7:44:01 PM
|
| Lady1981 wrote: | "Windows cannot configure this connection. If you have enabled
another program to manage this wireless connection, use that software." |
That‘s an "ew" sorta error because it‘s not informative at all.
Basically, it means that Windows can‘t toy with the settings on the
wireless card (for any number of reasons). There are three things I
would suggest.
The first is the braindead one (just in case). Check and ensure that
the little switch (physically on the laptop) that toggles power to the
wireless card is on. If that switch is off, you will typically see this
error.
If that doesn‘t fix it, then second, I would check the Wireless Zero Service.
start menu -> run -> type: services.msc
Scroll until you see the service called "Wireless Zero Configuration."
Ensure that it is marked as "Automatic," not "Manual," and that the
service is started.
If neither
of those two fix it, then...ehh, you‘re in for a little more of a
headache. Some other application has been installed that‘s controlling
the wireless card, preventing windows from configuring it. If that‘s
the case, then you have two options.
1) Use the installed
configuration program to setup the wireless connection (perhaps buried
in the start menu or control panel somewhere, often labelled under the
brand name of the card if it is an add on PCMCIA card, or labelled
under the manufacturer of the computer if the wireless card is
internal).
2) Uninstall the wireless drivers and any accessory programs and install only the wireless drivers this time, thus allowing windows to take control of the card configuration.
I‘m pretty sure the last set of options sound rather intimidating, but
you may have stumbled over a rather difficult problem. Post again if
you need more help. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: 1st & 2nd graders sexually attacked girl
|
| Subject: 1st & 2nd graders sexually attacked girl - Posted: 5/11/2006 8:15:58 PM
|
| kayjon wrote: | I also feel that the growth hormones in our food are causing puberty to begin younger .
|
Believe it or not, it‘s not the growth hormones. The US agriculture and
livestock industries have been using additives and fertilizers (albiet
not the same ones, but still...) for about a hundred years or so. The
earlier onsets of puberty aren‘t because of the American diet,
otherwise we‘d have seen this trend start long ago, but instead (at
least in my humble opinion) because of the American environment.
I know this is somewhat controversial; there are many who disagree
(both in the academic and non-academic fields), but more and more of
the academic literature seems to be pointing to the American
environment as the cause of the earlier onsets of puberty in both boys
and girls. There seems to be little question that the earlier and more
often young children are exposed to sexual thoughts, settings, and/or
behaviours; the sooner they actually hit puberty.
Furthermore, women (and presumably men, though the study was only done
on women), who, though may be nearing the end of puberty, can
experience rapid growth of secodary sex characteristics (breast size,
waist-to-hip ratio, etc) if exposed to highly charged sexual
environments. This study was done on young girls (18, 19) who entered
the pornography industry once they were adults. Their diet didn‘t
change; their environment and behavior, however, did.
All this evidence (though not agreed upon by a consensus) just drives home the importance of, well...the home. The environment at a child‘s home influences so much
about a young one‘s development that it‘s quite unbelievable. With the
mass media that children are exposed to (primarily tv, music, and
internet) becoming increasingly sexually charged, it‘s little wonder
why American children are showing this trend.
What I wonder is when people will wise up and rebel. I can‘t imagine
having a child in this age. Even in the 10-15 years since I was a
little boy things have changed so dramatically. The "children‘s"
channels like nickelodeon or Saturday morning cartoons are barely
recognizable to me anymore. There‘s an enormous
focus on music (obviously Viacom‘s influence) being pumped into these
networks, with every other song containing content I wouldn‘t want my
little one exposed to. I really hope something changes in the next
decade or two when I come of parenting age, because at this point, I‘m
simply terrified. : (
|
|
| Topic: What is
|
| Subject: What is - Posted: 5/12/2006 12:02:40 AM
|
| honey22 wrote: | My boyfriend said I was high maintenance in a good way.Everything
that i have i worked for,i probably ask him for gas money from time to
time thats it and go to a movie.
|
I strongly disagree with his labelling here. You are not a high-maintenance woman. You are a well self-maintained woman. There‘s a huge
difference. If you‘re the one supporting yourself, at little or no cost
to your partner, then there‘s no maintenane "cost" for him to bear
(emotionally or monetarily). It‘s a far cry from the negative term that
is described by a "high-maintenance" woman.
A well self-maintained girl is the type I‘d kill for. I don‘t want a
princess that I have to dote on hand and foot; I want a partner who
respects me as much as she respects herself.
|
|
| Topic: 9 Types of Boyfriends
|
| Subject: 9 Types of Boyfriends - Posted: 5/15/2006 10:15:09 PM
|
| slappysquirrel wrote: | |
Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let‘s make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?"
Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
Advantages: Answer to a woman‘s prayer
Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction
|
The optimistic ones like to think that he‘s only hunted to near extinction....no? They can‘t be entirely gone. I‘d argue most of them are probably hiding. It‘s can‘t be easy being hunted like that...
|
|
| Topic: should he be obliged to tell you...
|
| Subject: should he be obliged to tell you... - Posted: 5/16/2006 8:38:35 PM
|
| slappysquirrel wrote: | ...if he‘s taking Viagra/Cialis/Levitra et al?
|
A
prescription is a prescription. Is he obligated to tell you every drug
he‘s taking? No. Do you feel obligated to tell him every (assuming
you‘re taking anything, that is) drug you are on? No. Just because it
effects sexual function doesn‘t throw it into a different boat. One
could argue any kind of psychoactive drugs should be under the same
obligation (stimulants, anti-depressants, etc).
Now, if you mean that you two are at a point in your relationship where you shouldn‘t have to hide anything from each other, and you have already
disclosed your medications (or lack thereof), then yes, I think he
should feel obligated to tell you. That‘s the basic idea of
reciprocity. However, I don‘t think he should have to fess up anything
right off the bat. That‘s just bogus; you certainly wouldn‘t, so why
should you expect him to?
|
|
| Topic: check his cell records
|
| Subject: check his cell records - Posted: 5/17/2006 9:02:08 PM
|
If the phones are registered only in his name, you can‘t legally get
access to the records. You might be able to lie about it and gain
access (by knowing his social security number, phone esn, etc), but
it‘s not legal. If the latter is the case, then if you get access to
the records, you cannot tell him that you did. If he were to find out,
he could seek legal reparations. Be very very careful.
|
|
| Topic: Motion for Enforcement
|
| Subject: Motion for Enforcement - Posted: 5/18/2006 1:41:42 AM
|
| terabyte25 wrote: | So what do you think? $6000.00... is it worth going after him for it?
|
Oh yes...it‘s worth it. Not solely for the money, but for the sweet
revenge it would entail. However, I have a feeling he may not give you
that satisfaction. He probably won‘t even appear in court, in which
case, you‘ll win by default (given that you have the documents
supporting your case). You‘ll get the money, but you probably won‘t get
all the satisfaction you‘re seeking.
Nevertheless, I say go for it...make him pay.
|
|
| Topic: bassam928 and degrey
|
| Subject: bassam928 and degrey - Posted: 5/18/2006 2:12:25 AM
|
| dgrey1991 wrote: | | First let‘s get something straight missy. FIRST I DID NOT EMAIL ANYONE TO HARRASS. |
I‘ve sorta had it with your attitude. I‘m a pretty patient person, but you‘re just plain rude. Yelling and screaming like a three year old, as you put it, won‘t get you anywhere or build any credence for yourself.
It‘s clear you have concerns and issues with this website, but did it
ever occur to you that you‘re going about it the wrong way? If you walk
into this site with colored glasses, under the impression that you‘re
only going to find man-haters here, then that‘s all you will perceive.
However, if you were being at all reasonable, then you would have
walked into this with an open mind and a real attempt to understand the
spirit and purpose of the website. You are the one being, again, as you
put it, unreasonable, not the members of this community.
Am I claiming that every individual here acts within the perfect bounds
of morality? Certainly not. The members here are no more perfect than
you, I, or anyone else. Why you feel justified in your crusade to shut
down the entire website for a few bad eggs is beyond me. No one makes a
claim that ebay should be shut down just because a small percentage of
its users are corrupt. People are people--some are less scrupulous than
others. Just because a tool has the capability for misuse (and
occasionally falls into misuse) doesn‘t imply that the tool needs to be
thrown away.
At this point, I‘m going to take a personal stab
at you because I feel I‘ve read enough of your comments to form a valid
opinion. You‘re angry and frustrated for a reason I don‘t care to
guess. You claim to be so rational and logical, yet you‘re so
disrespectful to everyone; and worse, when you are treated the same
way, you use this as evidence against the women about why they
are illogical. Why do you expect to be treated with any decency if you
yourself don‘t show anyone any respect? The women here don‘t hate you
as a man, they hate you as a person. You‘re arrogant, rude, insulting,
impatient, and obnoxious. They have done the same to women who show the
same characteristics, so don‘t attempt to make this out as a case of
sexism. The women here have shown me nothing but kindness, compassion,
and understanding. Why? Perhaps because I‘m not an arrogant jerk like
you are. Consider that and change your tune, otherwise you won‘t be
around much longer. This is not a threat, but an attempt at informing
you of what thin ice you skate on.
The decision is yours. Choose carefully.
|
|
| Topic: telling the cheaters mother
|
| Subject: telling the cheaters mother - Posted: 5/18/2006 2:48:56 AM
|
| lorrie wrote: | but how hard is it to figure out that most problems people have are sex or money.
|
I must disagree here. The problems don‘t stem from sex and money. Those are just the most observable consequences of
the problems. The problems themselves are from the horrible
characteristics of indivuduals. These could be embodied in selfishness,
narcissism, laziness, apathy, etc... These are the roots of the
problems. They are serious issues within individuals. These problems
then manifest themselves most visibly in issues relating to sex and
money. They are not the cause, but the effect.
Many people claim that if only they had more money life would be
easier, but that is not at all the case. More money doesn‘t solve any
problems, if anything, it will make the situation worse. People handle
money poorly, or are not responsible enough to earn any/enough. I am
not asserting this of you, but instead generalizing the issue. It has
nothing to do with money, it‘s a problem with the person themself. The
same goes for sex, there, however, the issues are related to emotional
sensitivity and care for the partner.
|
|
| Topic: A Truly Good Man
|
| Subject: A Truly Good Man - Posted: 5/18/2006 11:48:34 PM
|
| MattSC wrote: | Because......
as you‘ve said before, you‘re busy looking for a doctor or lawyer
only. You know what? They‘re ALL jerks?!!
|
ahem....
*cough*...*cough*....
I beg your pardon?
|
|
| Topic: Accessing spouses cell phone records
|
| Subject: Accessing spouses cell phone records - Posted: 5/19/2006 12:00:44 AM
|
Well, yes and no. If you know his password (that you obtained with his
permission) then no, it is not illegal. That is personal information
that he has entrusted to you. So you are perfectly within your legal
right to do so.
On the other hand, if you got it without his permission, or somehow
obtain access without his knowledge (i.e. him not giving you his
login/password), then yes...that is illegal. You cannot call the cell
phone company pretending to be him and get access to his calling
history, etc.
All of this of course assumes that you are not on the account. If you are, then you have just as much right to do whatever you‘d like as he does.
Frankly though, it does not bode well for him or you if he has a second
account that he hides from you. There aren‘t many things he could be
doing that he needs to hide from you.
|
|
| Topic: Inquisitive children
|
| Subject: Inquisitive children - Posted: 5/19/2006 12:19:09 AM
|
Don‘t stifle her curiosity. This is very very
critical time for her. Be honest with her, and don‘t hide things from
her. I also would be careful about turning to God/religion for every
answer. You could have simply told her that neither you nor any other
person (God is not a person, he‘s a diety, so you‘re not lying) has
control of the weather. Go further with this and explain
what the weather is, what causes it, how rain forms, how the
weatherfronts collide to create wind, etc etc. Religion and your
beliefs are important to pass onto your children, but immediately
referring to God for everything stifles her desire to explore and
discover function/mechanism.
If you don‘t know the answer to something, tell her that.
Then go with her (online, to the library, etc) and research and find
out the answer. Bringing understanding and a willingness to explore is
perhaps the best thing you could ever foster in a child. There are answers for many many of the things she will ask you if you are willing to look it up.
I really want to stress this because it is very very
crucial at this stage in her life. The way you handle her questions now
will mold how her inquisitiveness and curiosity develops for the rest
of her life. It‘s very unfortunate, but young girls have been taught to
stifle their questions and sit quiet; this is a terrible thing to do to
a young mind. I‘ve seen it in young boys as well, but not to the same
extent. Let her question, let her explore. Encourage her questions and
be as supportive as possible. Answer all her questions and look up the
ones you don‘t know with her. This could well be the best gift you
could ever give her. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: some of you may remember me
|
| Subject: some of you may remember me - Posted: 5/20/2006 5:32:37 PM
|
| jeg wrote: | | I‘m not trying to bitch anyne out, I‘m just wondering what the draw is.
|
The others are right, the draw is from the guilt of knowing that getting involved is very very
wrong. It is an attempt by the other woman to make ammends and
reconcile with the wife. It is often unsuccessful, but nevertheless,
often the other woman‘s conscience will get to her and she will have to
try.
What scares me is that you don‘t seem to have this conscience. What
exactly are you trying to do here in this relationship? I‘ve read
through the few previous remaining posts you made, and it almost seems
like you‘re completely apathetic about being a homewrecker. Do you
understand the implications of what your involvement with him has done?
Furthermore, do you honestly believe that such a relationship will work
out? I mean, come now...if you were able to take him away from his wife, what on earth makes you think he‘ll be loyal to you?
You‘re still very young, and seemingly selfish and foolish. Consider
carefully what it is you‘re doing. The type of man you‘re involved with
is far from ideal. How can you trust and value a man who formed his
relationship with you through an affair? Just think about it: if he can walk away from his marriage this easily (assuming of course that he even does,
and isn‘t simply stringing you along for sex...which is a SERIOUS
possibility) why would he hang around for you when something more
appetizing rolls around?
I don‘t mean to tear into you (because I‘m not insulting you, honest),
but I really feel that you‘re missing quite a bit here. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: dont kill the messenger for a reality check.
|
| Subject: dont kill the messenger for a reality check. - Posted: 5/20/2006 6:17:47 PM
|
| floridaguy wrote: | | Both male and female humans are not monogomous by nature, and for us
few that genuinely seek that, we are a minority.
|
Hmm...well, while I may give you some authority on the matter based on
your investigations, I can‘t ignore the literature and academic point
of view regarding this.
According to the literature, you‘re half right. Biologically, men are
not naturally monogamous. A man is "fittest," evolutionarily speaking,
if he passes on the most offspring, and this is done by having multiple
mates. This is also true in animals where the offspring‘s survivial is
good without the father‘s presence. Notice then, that humans are
no different. Even without fathers, single mothers can raise their
children (though not without tremendous
difficulty) to the point of the child‘s sexual maturity. If this
happens, and the child then goes on to have children, then the father
was "successful" from the Darwinian view.
Darwin also had quite a bit to say about the female role. Given that a
woman has the heavy physical burden (carrying the child during
pregnancy), she invests much more into her offspring than the male
does. This implies that she will choose the best mate to ensure that
the survival of her child is guaranteed (or very close to it). She will
then want the male around to help increase the chance that her child
survives because she can only have a very limited number of children
(she can only try this once every 9 months or so, until she dies at
around 35-50). This is not the case for the man: he can have limitless
children, all with rapid succession. Men have the capacity to
impregnate women till the day they die (which, in the evoluationary
time frame, was around 30-40 years). This then explains why it is men
cheat more often than women do--it‘s their nature to do so. Women,
however, are not as inclined to cheat, because doing so would risk the
survival of her children.
Now, taking this biological nature, and applying it to the social world
we live in makes things even more complicated. Many have used the
Darwinian argument to conclude that men are therefore justified in
cheating: "it‘s their nature." However, I don‘t buy that argument for a
moment. I will admit it is
man‘s nature to seek multiple partners, however, doing so would reduce
man to the rank of an animal. Perhaps the most noticeable difference
between a human and an animal is the social construct of our society.
We are social beings that have a code of ethics and morals that were
built on the pillars of a rational, functioning society. Mankind could
sink back into the desires of our nature, but then what does that say
about our 20,000 years of civilization? Very little. It is the social
contstraints placed upon man by his society and morals that causes him
to desire a monogamous relationship. It is an intellectual decision
each man makes (or hopefully makes, that is), because he knows doing so
will maintain the integrity and strength of the society he lives in.
This, among other reasons, is
why I seek a monogamous relationship. I don‘t want to wreak havoc on
the fabric of society. However, it seems many men do not have the
intellectual capacity or desire to concern themselves with society.
Instead, they fall back to a more primal state--on par with their
animal counterparts.
|
|
| Topic: Am i being paranoid to think he cheated?
|
| Subject: Am i being paranoid to think he cheated? - Posted: 5/20/2006 6:38:56 PM
|
Wowza....I don‘t normally take this point of view, but you‘re super paranoid. Do you have any idea how cell phone technology works that you‘re willing to bet so much on this one little text message? Dang, this is crazy. Let me elaborate a little.
RF reception is based on many many
factors. Any number of factors can sway whether one gets reception or
not: weather, humidity, battery level, line of sight, obstructions,
reflections, etc. You‘ve said that he doesn‘t get reception in the
hotel, fine...that may be true. It‘s possible that he can‘t get enough
bandwidth for a phone call, but perhaps the little bit of bandwidth
necessary for a text message to go through may be present sporadically.
Who knows what could have happened. Yes...perhaps he was banging
another girl elsewhere at the time so he had reception. That is one of
the scenarios that would explain this. However,
there are many other possibilities. It is feasible that his phone had
enough battery power to trip into analog mode (which has better
penetration) for a short time and pick up reception, letting your text
message get through. It is possible that a range of clouds came in
between the hotel and the nearest cell tower, allowing for a reflected
beam connection to propagate. Perhaps there is enough bandwidth to let
a text message get through, just not reliably. Perhaps he set his phone
next to a window instead of deeper inside the room, letting your
message get through. There are dozens of scenarios I could come up with
that would explain this, none of which include him knocking boots with
another girl.
You are paranoid, no question about it. What you
haven‘t told us is whether you have good reason to be. If he hasn‘t
shown any signs of infidelity, then you‘re crazy. There is no doubt in
my mind that you were texting him that evening to test whether his
message would get through. You were hoping it wouldn‘t get delivered
(which, in your mind you equated with him being asleep) but found it
otherwise, and now you‘re flipping out. If you have reason not to trust
him, then I deeply apologize for the harsh reproach--you are completely
within your right to doubt him and test for his where abouts. However,
if you have no reason to question his word, then my strong tone is
justified and I do not take back a word.
|
|
| Topic: Am i being paranoid to think he cheated?
|
| Subject: Am i being paranoid to think he cheated? - Posted: 5/21/2006 10:35:21 AM
|
| blue33 wrote: | | Still don‘t know what to believe but the majority says i am being paranoid.
|
Give us more information. You‘re explaining one tiny incident with
detail, but not placing it into context. Your actions are paranoid, but
they may be warranted. Has he done things in the past to make you doubt
him? I know I sounded harsh in my previous post, but that‘s only
because I was shocked by the amount of faith you put into the little
device. Give us more context about the two of you and your relationship
and then we can better evaluate the situation and your action.
|
|
| Topic: Email Records Access
|
| Subject: Email Records Access - Posted: 5/21/2006 10:49:29 AM
|
| I am curious as to how some of the members (read, trolls) are getting
access to other members‘ personal email addresses. In my opinion, if
the little radio button for "show email in posts" is marked "no," then
there should be no way to do this. I thought it might have been through
the "invite to chat" function, but that email comes from a
womansavers.com address, not the member‘s/troll‘s address. The cases
I‘m citing are from trolls emailing (from their personal email
addresses) to members‘ personal email addresses. I‘ve dug around on
this and really can‘t see any means of acquiring an address, yet there
is documented proof that it is happening. What‘s the hole that I‘m
missing and can it be plugged up?
|
|
| Topic: should I trust him yet
|
| Subject: should I trust him yet - Posted: 5/22/2006 1:46:26 AM
|
| Be honest about your feelings. If he‘s seriously trying to make your relationship work out, then he must
accomodate you and stay home. It takes a lot to earn one‘s trust back,
but if he wants to, then he must be willing to put in the time and
effort. The question revolves completely around who/what is most
important in his life. I‘m sure he claims that it is you and your
daughter, but unless he‘s willing to back it up, it‘s nothing more than
pretty words. I would not let him off the hook at all. Tell him how you
feel and see how he reacts. If he still wanders off to go fishing, then
he doesn‘t really care about you--at which point you should move on,
because that‘s proof (far more accurate than his petty words) of his
feelings and priorities.
|
|
| Topic: I‘m to nosey for my own good.
|
| Subject: I‘m to nosey for my own good. - Posted: 5/22/2006 2:10:24 AM
|
| onlyme wrote: | | Yes, he helped raise Zach but he had no part in bringing him in this
world and what damn right does he have sending my sons picture to hos
that he cheated on ME with????? |
Um...you‘re kidding, right? Granted, I don‘t know the exact details,
but if he was your husband at one point, then that means he became a
legal guardian of your son when he married you. If he raised your son
in his home since he was two, I‘m going to say that gives him quite a
bit of claim to your son. If your son is still living with him, then
I‘m guessing that implies he got custody or the two of you are not
divorced yet. I‘m not saying what he did was morally correct, but he does
have the legal right to do so. I‘m not justifying nor condoning his
behavior, but I mean...really now. He must love your son to have cared
for him for so long. Don‘t discredit that.
What bothers me is that you‘re far from over him. You may have left
him, but there‘s a good piece of you not willing to let go. I hope you
understand that putting a keylogger on his computer (assuming of course
it is his computer, not
jointly owned) is illegal, and should he ever find out, it is within
his legal right to sue. Be careful. If you haven‘t divorced him yet,
then do so. If you have, then move on and look elsewhere. In any case,
take the steps to distance yourself.
One last bit regarding BMW‘s note on anonymous mail. I have personally
explored hushmail and it is excellent. It does not reveal ISP or IP
addresses, as the tracing headers are wiped out. It is safe to use from
a home computer, as nothing will be revealed. This is what makes
hushmail so unique among anonymous email providers. There is truly no
way to extract any sender information aside from the message content.
If you‘re looking for a reliable way to send anonymous or encrypted
email, then hushmail is the way to go. It is arguably the best, free,
consumer-level anonymous remailer on the net.
|
|
| Topic: Help waying pros and cons
|
| Subject: Help waying pros and cons - Posted: 5/22/2006 2:19:31 AM
|
| The others are right. You need to get out. You‘ve been listening to his
verbal abuse for so long that you now believe you‘re worthless and
can‘t survive on your own. Listen to us when we say you can. Get rid of him, heck, turn him in...he deserves to be locked up for how he‘s treating you. If you wait for the right time, it will never come. Take control, you and your children are a lot stronger than you‘re making yourselves out to be. You can do this. Drum up the courage and go for it! Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: Need a woman‘s honest point of view on this....
|
| Subject: Need a woman‘s honest point of view on this.... - Posted: 5/22/2006 2:31:55 AM
|
| Wowza...I see now where your other post was coming from. Such behavior
would lead any man to question the nature of women. Thankfully, she is
an anomaly. Not all women are like that...heck, I like to think most
are far far
from it. I‘ll echo everyone else. Get out, get away! RUN! No good can
come from such a person. Cut your losses before she bleeds you to
death. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: No more periods?? Is this safe?
|
| Subject: No more periods?? Is this safe? - Posted: 5/23/2006 12:07:52 AM
|
| QueenEster wrote: | IF there was a way to throw it away and it was safe d do it. |
Yes, that is the million dollar question though. If it was safe to do so...
I won‘t even attempt to say I know what you women go through, because I
don‘t and will never know, regardless of how much I may learn. Clearly,
if you knew there would be no risk, the choice would be obvious.
However, it is quite likely that there are some side/permenant effects.
The medical community championed hormone therapy for decades, until
they realized how detrimental it was. Oral contraceptives have been
around for a very long time, and have been shown to have no long-term
effects if used occasionally or for short periods of time.
Unfortunately, there are very little studies on the effects of
long-term, uninterrupted use of contraceptives. The studies are being
performed now, on the
generation of women using them as permanent period deferrals. To what
extent these cause problems are still uncertain. The rewards are clear:
no periods unless desired.
The real question is, what price are you willing to pay to be free of the monthly struggle?
|
|
| Topic: What is
|
| Subject: What is - Posted: 5/23/2006 12:41:24 AM
|
| SummerBreeze wrote: | | Men want us to look our best, but yet, they don‘t want us to take any TIME to do it. |
Oh, quite the contrary. Yes, we do want our women to look good, but it‘s not the time
that‘s the issue, it‘s the money. It‘s one thing to take care of
oneself (any reasonable man understands that there are costs involved
in that), and another thing entirely to spend an unbounded amount of
money maintaining some pristine level that is beyond any and all
expectations and points of achievability. The latter is high
maintenance and unjustified, while the former is reasonable and most
desirable.
|
|
| Topic: tell me more about gotvoice please
|
| Subject: tell me more about gotvoice please - Posted: 5/24/2006 9:21:27 PM
|
No, not at all. Gotvoice isn‘t some magic system. All it does is physically call the cell phone (you have to ignore the call or let it go to voicemail) and then it punches through the automated system and records your voicemail. You will always know when it happens because your cell phone will ring (assuming it is on, that is). It can‘t get your voicemail automatically or as it comes in, you have to either schedule its calls or do it manually.
It is no different from calling and checking his voicemail yourself. You have to know the PIN to check it. In my opinion, gotvoice might be a little worse because it then moves your the voicemail messages to the "old" or "saved" category. He will certainly notice that, assuming he hasn‘t deleted the message yet. There‘s no magic key here, just a lot of corporate advertising and hype.
|
|
| Topic: Tracing cellphones & private numbers~ recommendations
|
| Subject: Tracing cellphones & private numbers~ recommendations - Posted: 5/24/2006 9:29:41 PM
|
Huh? What are you after? Are you trying to wire tap his calls? There is no service that can do that, it‘s illegal. The only ones authorized are law enforcement, and they need a warrant. Unless he‘s doing something illegal (and, unfortunately, cheating isn‘t illegal), they will not tap the line.
If you‘re looking to run a call trace, you will need the consent of the calling or called party (if not both, depends on the laws of your state). Can you be a little more specific about what it is you‘re asking for? Given all that you‘ve found, I‘m not sure you‘ll even need the phone record/trace/whatever it is you‘re looking for.
|
|
| Topic: Am i being paranoid to think he cheated?
|
| Subject: Am i being paranoid to think he cheated? - Posted: 5/24/2006 9:36:43 PM
|
|
If all you have as reason to doubt him (for this incident and in the past) is this silly little text message, then you really need to let it go. Go over the scenarios I mentioned before--all are plausible. You are being paranoid and have trust issues. It will spell disaster for you relationship if you continue to doubt him despite him giving you no reasons to do so. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: COULD HE BE CHEATING OR JUST NOT FEELING ME ANYMORE?
|
| Subject: COULD HE BE CHEATING OR JUST NOT FEELING ME ANYMORE? - Posted: 5/24/2006 9:48:16 PM
|
This doesn‘t sound happy. I‘m not sure what medication he‘s on, but if he‘s anywhere around your age, there‘s no way he‘d be satisfied with sex only once or twice a month. Something is definitely wrong, no question about it. The unfortunate thing is that you don‘t seem to want to break it off. I can tell you he has no intention of marrying you right now. Don‘t believe that lie for a moment. Chances are he‘s getting his passion satisfied elsewhere. Don‘t sit idly by. Demand his attention and presence more often. If he intends on marrying you like he says, then he has to be willing to prove it. If he won‘t, then walk away, that‘s not husband material. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: UP TO DATE INFORMATION ON: VASECTOMY
|
| Subject: UP TO DATE INFORMATION ON: VASECTOMY - Posted: 5/24/2006 10:55:20 PM
|
| One option you forgot to mention is with freezing sperm. I‘ve considered a vasectomy (not now, but later when married) as a very convenient and safe way of birth control. The added benefit is that I can freeze several tubes of sperm beforehand in the rare case that I ever decide to have children again. It‘s a win-win situation for everyone: no invasive contraception, no fumbling around with condoms, no worries about pregnancy, and I (we) still have the option to have children if so desired. I see no better choice, science is wonderful. : )
|
|
| Topic: No more periods?? Is this safe?
|
| Subject: No more periods?? Is this safe? - Posted: 5/25/2006 12:55:27 AM
|
| chelsea buns wrote: | | There is no way i would ever do anything to alter the natural process of my bodies‘ workings - it goes agaist nature. We start fooling around with God‘s work, then we will pay the price.
|
The same argument could be used for eyeglasses, hearing aids, medical drugs of any kind (think insulin for diabetics), blood transfusions, organ replacements, heart pacemakers, skin grafts, etc. Certainly you don‘t object to those things, though they too alter the natural process of your body. Man has been messing with his nature since before civilization came into existence. The difference between glasses and say, permanent contraceptive pills to prevent menstruation is that glasses have matured to the point of relatively complete understanding. No one is willing to say the same thing about oral contraceptives. It‘s a complicated system and one that is still poorly understood.
Am I confident that in 20 or 50 years we‘ll have it figured out and have a very safe option for women? Absolutely. Are we at that point now? Not a chance. With the current understanding, there are definite risks invovled. Are the consequences when playing with things we don‘t understand? Of course. A child get shocked when poking around an electrical socket because he doesn‘t know what he‘s doing. However, an electrical engineer will rarely make the same mistake. It‘s entirely a question of knowledge, not about fooling with God‘s work. Once we understand how it works and can devise a safe and reliable way to control it, we won‘t have the risks currently associated with it.
|
|
| Topic: Tracing cellphones & private numbers~ recommendations
|
| Subject: Tracing cellphones & private numbers~ recommendations - Posted: 5/26/2006 12:53:08 AM
|
Though it may be music to your ears, it upsets me to say that most of
the websites you‘ll find through google for call record lookups, or
even simply reverse number lookups are valid. Perhaps the best one was
locatecell.com, but they have shut down because of litigation. That
company was pretty horrible in my opinion, customers had acecss to
landline/cell calls of effectively anyone as recent as 1 hour after the call was placed. Talk about a gross invasion of privacy.
Another one that I have heard good things about is reversemobile.com
It‘s got a sizable database that will likely have records for all the
info you‘re looking for. It‘s not too pricey either. It‘s only $30 a
year, I‘ve been tempted myself many times to sign up just for the
wealth of information it could provide.
|
|
| Topic: Confused
|
| Subject: Confused - Posted: 5/26/2006 2:21:42 PM
|
| This may not be the answer you‘re looking for, but I say forget about it, leave him and move on. You‘re very very
young. If he wants to play the non-commitment game (which, most guys
his age do), then you need to accept the horrible way he is and move
on. I‘ll warn you now, most guys your age will be the same way. They‘re
just looking to play around. Don‘t expect to easily find a serious
relationship right now. Three years may be a lot, but I doubt he‘s
taken the relationship as seriously as you have. Get rid of him and
re-analyze what it is you‘re looking for in men. If you‘re dead set on
only having serious relationships, then you may have to content
yourself with being single for a while until the boys grow up. Good
Luck.
|
|
| Topic: I dont know what to think...
|
| Subject: I dont know what to think... - Posted: 5/26/2006 2:51:33 PM
|
| Beth2456 wrote: | ...My only concern is what to do? should i give him his "freedom" week,
to hang out with that girl, then have him make his decision about us
after? or should i ...forget about him, which mind you would be
extremely hard b/c im in love with him, but none the less give me your
honest opinion
|
A "freedom" week? Heck no.
Give him a week now, and he‘ll take a month next. After that, it will
be a year. The next thing you know you‘ll be married to him while he‘s
on permanent leave of absence. Don‘t fall for it and tolerate such bs.
I know this may be cruel of me, but at 19, what do you know of love?
I‘m 21 and I‘ll be the first to admit I know nothing about it. Are you
really in love with him, or just in love with the idea of being in love? Think about that once you‘ve dumped him. Best of Luck.
|
|
| Topic: Has anyone ever heard of / tried this?
|
| Subject: Has anyone ever heard of / tried this? - Posted: 5/28/2006 4:38:31 AM
|
Haha. You ladies are so funny. I was curious and couldn‘t help myself,
so I checked it out. It‘s actually quite hilarious. Just so you know,
they don‘t send actual feces (human or animal), that would be illegal. It‘s actually a play-dough like substance that is completely non-toxic.
I, personally, find it quite hilarious. This is perhaps the perfect
prank to pull, or better yet...revenge. I mean, wouldn‘t you love to
send your ex some fake poo? You can include a little message, or leave
it completely anonymous! I love it! Now I just need a target to exact
my revenge upon. Hmm...I wonder if I have the address of that girl that
was stringing me along last year...haha!
|
|
| Topic: Access to husband‘s cell phone bill
|
| Subject: Access to husband‘s cell phone bill - Posted: 5/28/2006 4:44:20 AM
|
Hypothetically speaking, the bits of information you would need will
vary from provider to provider. You never need the full social security
number, the last four digits will do. The phone number, full name of
registrant, registered address, and birth date may also be necessary.
Again, hypothetically, if I were to go about this and try to setup the
online portion of the account, I would just poke away at the
registration process and see what information they need.
You will have to tie it to an email account as well, so I would ensure
that it is an email address that only I have access to. Of course, this
is all hypothetical, and I am discussing this purely as a mental
exercise. ; )
|
|
| Topic: Is your husband addicted to porn?
|
| Subject: Is your husband addicted to porn? - Posted: 5/28/2006 4:58:21 AM
|
You‘re in a difficult position, no doubt about it. Porn is a
devastating addiction and may not be something he can overcome. Your
first course of action is to discuss with him how it makes you feel.
Tell him that you‘re disgusted and feel degraded by it. Tell him that
it insults you horribly that he has to resort to it. Tell him that it
drives a huge gulf between your relationship. Communicate calmly, that
is step one.
If he loves you, he will listen to your concerns and make a conscious
decision: you, or the porn. Be warned though, his actions speak louder
than his words. Check to ensure that he actually has given it up. You
aren‘t being nosy. You are his wife, he isn‘t supposed
to hide things from you. The very fact that he gets upset by your
"nosiness" should be a huge warning that something isn‘t kosher.
He may not be able to walk away though. In this case, you have to make
a decision. Will you tolerate it? Will you accept it? Are you willing
to stay in a relationship where your partner actively watches material
you find repulsive? These are not easy questions to answer, but you
will likely have to answer them all the same. It is difficult, but you
can do it. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: advice please
|
| Subject: advice please - Posted: 5/28/2006 5:02:22 AM
|
| dink1379 wrote: | |
Should I give him an ultimatum? His friends and partys, or his son.
|
Yes, yes, and yes!
Give him that ultimatum. Hopefully it will knock some sense into that
foolish mind of his. A child isn‘t something he can take lightly, or,
in this case, ignore completely. He helped bring a child into this
world, he‘s gotta help take care of him. You‘ve waited far too long as
it is. Two weeks? I wouldn‘t have given him two days. Wake his lazy bones up and drag him back home, otherwise send him packing. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: help please
|
| Subject: help please - Posted: 5/28/2006 5:07:10 AM
|
| It is an intra-site messaging system. Once you login, click on misc
-> messaging. You just type the nickname of the user you want to
send a message to, and viola!...you‘ve
got intra-mail! Heh. You will also see if users have sent you messages
from the home page after you have logged in. It is on the home page on
the top left just under the "My Account" and just above the "logout"
links.
|
|
| Topic: 36% Of Male Workers Lust After Female Bosses
|
| Subject: 36% Of Male Workers Lust After Female Bosses - Posted: 5/28/2006 10:34:49 PM
|
Ooh, I love playing with statistics...especially these ones.
The 92% I believe, but the 36% I don‘t. That‘s far too low. It is definitely higher
than that. This is very likely because the guys didn‘t want to admit
that (fear or reprimand, criticism, etc). Guys lust faster than milk
will spoil if left in the sun...I can personally assure you that that
statistic is wrong. It should be upwhere in the 80s or 90s. Though men
are attracted to powerful women, they can become easily intimidated by
powerful ones. This, however, is not enough of a deterrent to drop the
figure by a good 40-50%.
I buy the uncomfortable statistics. The flip side of those means that the other 75% are very peachy
having female subordinates flirt with them...no surprise there, hehe.
Similarly for the 12% that turned away an attractive potential employee
(obviously because of personal insecurities). This suggests that
something around 88% of these men therefore find being attractive a
plus when hiring (again, no surpirse there either).
I can‘t speak for the women statistics, but they sound plausible. The
male stats are interesting, only confirms what‘s on our minds (as if
you didn‘t already know). I will keep the 81% female creepiness
statistic in mind though. Note to self: let younger women in the
workplace come up to me...hehe. : )
|
|
| Topic: Has anyone ever heard of / tried this?
|
| Subject: Has anyone ever heard of / tried this? - Posted: 5/28/2006 11:10:59 PM
|
| Divinewind wrote: | | So...I guess I should thank you for educating the weaker stomach womansavers...lol.....
|
Haha, no problem. You‘re most welcome. I‘ll always be willing to take one for the team. : )
|
|
| Topic: questionable text messages
|
| Subject: questionable text messages - Posted: 5/28/2006 11:16:00 PM
|
| Please post your question in the form of readable text. I‘m working on
telepathy, but haven‘t mastered it yet. Till then, you‘ll have to rely
on text. I apologize for the inconvenice presented by my limited mind.
; )
|
|
| Topic: Need Advice on a Sexual Behavior I‘m unaware of
|
| Subject: Need Advice on a Sexual Behavior I‘m unaware of - Posted: 5/28/2006 11:36:32 PM
|
The memory loss is plausible, but I find it hard to believe that it would occur so routinely (nightly, as her husband claims).
xGhEtToGeMiNix: There is a very easy way to find out what‘s really
going on: record your sleep. A sound recording would work, but a video
camera with an IR or nightvision (weird green hue) filter would be
best. Set it up to record your side of the bed for the night for a week
or two, and then you‘ll have proof of what‘s going on. DWS is right,
it‘s quite unlikely that you‘d be doing this in your sleep, so get to
the bottom of it. I for one, would be inclined to call BS on this...I
think he‘s making it up.
edit: I apologize for the tardiness of this post. I just realized the
thread was started a good ten days ago. I don‘t typically dawdle in
this forum.
|
|
| Topic: questionable text messages
|
| Subject: questionable text messages - Posted: 5/29/2006 3:48:07 AM
|
| Katie Kaboom wrote: | |
lmao, when you do learn it, will you teach me?
|
But of course Katie. Let me see if I can read your thoughts...hmm.....
*begins session*
hey!....whoa, what‘s going on here? (2:45AM PST) You really have some wild dreams Katie! Who‘s that ripped guy and what is he doing to you?!
*quickly ends session*
I don‘t think I‘ll be trying that again anytime soon...I guess men
aren‘t the only ones with that on their mind. ;
)
|
|
| Topic: bassam928 and degrey
|
| Subject: bassam928 and degrey - Posted: 5/29/2006 4:12:14 AM
|
| Katie Kaboom wrote: | | Rhiannon wrote: | | Hopeless_dreamer! What a thoughtful, articulate and intelligent post! What a great guy you are! I‘m impressed!
|
I
just have to second this Hopeless. The wisdom and maturity that you
have at such a young age amazes me every day. You are more intelligent
and thoughtful than some people twice your age. You are a valuable
member of this board, and i for one, hope you stick around for a long
time. The women here need good guys like you around to remind them that
there are indeed good guys out there. Keep up the excellent work! |
I
apologize for not replying earlier, but I had all but forgotten about
this thread (I was ignoring it mostly). Thank you both Rhi and Katie,
you are too kind. I don‘t necessarily agree with your opinions, but I
thank you for your kind words, however wildly inaccurate I may find
them to be...hehe. I‘m simply glad the chaos has ended now. : )
|
|
| Topic: Has anyone ever heard of / tried this?
|
| Subject: Has anyone ever heard of / tried this? - Posted: 5/29/2006 12:42:00 PM
|
| Katie Kaboom wrote: | | awww, what a guy. Any chance we can clone you?
|
As of now, no...but I‘m working on that as well....haha ; )
|
|
| Topic: questionable text messages
|
| Subject: questionable text messages - Posted: 5/29/2006 12:47:04 PM
|
| Katie Kaboom wrote: | |
you are too damn funny. thanks for the laugh, i needed it today.
|
You‘re most welcome. I‘ll shed the uber-serious, stoic, voice-of-reason
side of me from time to time. Everyone deserves and wants to smile and
laugh on occassion. It just takes me a while to be comfortable enough
to do so; but once I get there, it comes our more often. : )
|
|
| Topic: Messing about
|
| Subject: Messing about - Posted: 5/29/2006 1:06:52 PM
|
You have two options. One is easy, and one is hard. As always, the easy
way won‘t get you much, but you will be emotionally safer, while the
harder way has a chance for serious payoff, but will render you
vulnerable for the time being.
Easy Way: Convince yourself
that he is a smooth player and wants nothing in the forms of
commitment. You will never be able to change his mind, so seeking
something deeper with him is just futile. In this case, you walk away
and never look back.
Hard Way*: Tell him your
feelings and demand an answer from him. Explain that he only has this
last chance, and that if you break away from him again, there is no
coming back (be serious about this). Though you will have to hand over
power to him in this decision, make it clear that if he chooses not to
commit, that he is giving you up permanently. After revealing this to
him, give him some time (I‘ve always thought 24 hours is beautifully
dramatic) to make his decision. Instruct him
to call within those 24 hours, and that if he does not call, then you
will take that as a no, and never speak to him again. Granted, you
don‘t have to follow this to the T, but it‘s an example scenario. You
are basically giving him an ultimatum, the effectiveness of which will
only be determined by your willingness to enforce its terms. He will
not want to abide by them, but if you can stand your ground, he has no
choice. If he cares enough about you, then he will commit, if he
doesn‘t, then you don‘t want him any how and are better off.
*Note: This way only applies if he‘s a halfway decent guy. If he
is not somewhat respectable, honorable, with any conscious, etc...then
there is no hope for this path at all. If this is the case, and I
expect you to judge this from an objective point of view, then go with
the easy way and save yourself some grief. If you are too emotionally
attached to make this objective evaluation, then ask a close friend whose opinion you trust.
Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: DUMB ASS or INNOCENT INTENTIONS
|
| Subject: DUMB ASS or INNOCENT INTENTIONS - Posted: 5/29/2006 1:20:51 PM
|
No way on earth this is innocent. He‘s a lying scumbag and got caught
deceiving you and is now working on damage control (very poorly, might
I add). I say it is within your full right to throw him out and move on
with your life without him. He has little respect for you and your
relationship and your children would be much better off without him.
Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: DUMB ASS or INNOCENT INTENTIONS
|
| Subject: DUMB ASS or INNOCENT INTENTIONS - Posted: 5/29/2006 1:22:57 PM
|
| Mrsap_PISSED wrote: | | not
thinking about the consequences of how shady females can
be......ESPECIALLY black females(I should know because I am A black
Fem). |
I don‘t appreciate your comments
here. I will admit that there are some shady black females; just as
there are shady black men, shady females, and shady men. People are
people--there are shady people in every race and gender. It reflects
poorly upon you to single out a certain gender and race. You know
better than that.
|
|
| Topic: Please help!
|
| Subject: Please help! - Posted: 5/29/2006 7:09:31 PM
|
Short of a subpeona, I don‘t think you can get Cingular to release the numbers he texts to (assuming they keep records at all, that is). If your name is on the account, you can give that a shot and see if they will give you a more detailed record, but I doubt it. The only other way is to check his phone for sent/received texts. If he monitors his phone like a hawk, then you probably won‘t get access to it.
Either way, something is not right. I don‘t think you need to find out who it is to know he‘s cheating. Here‘s a suggestion: ask him about it (after you‘ve tried to peek at his phone, that is). If he won‘t show you, then that‘s all the proof you need. He should take every step necessary to prove that you have nothing to worry, otherwise, something is very wrong. If that is the case, throw him out and move on. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: DUMB ASS or INNOCENT INTENTIONS
|
| Subject: DUMB ASS or INNOCENT INTENTIONS - Posted: 5/29/2006 7:10:43 PM
|
| Mrsap_PISSED wrote: | | I am a B*tch on Hellish wheels 90% of the timeand I love every minute of it. |
Ok, I‘ll bite.
Why do you behave this way? Is it out of necessity or are you simply a drama llamma?
|
|
| Topic: DUMB ASS or INNOCENT INTENTIONS
|
| Subject: DUMB ASS or INNOCENT INTENTIONS - Posted: 5/29/2006 11:13:10 PM
|
| I guess I should have kept my big mouth shut on this one. I‘m sorry Mrsap_PISSED, I didn‘t mean for this to escalate into an attack upon you. I was just calling you on a line I felt went a little beyond appropriate. I did not mean for you to get upset and leave. This is far from the intention of the site. We are a good community here and I think you would benefit from the help available. Please reconsider and repost your issue so others can take a look at it as well.
|
|
| Topic: DUMB ASS or INNOCENT INTENTIONS
|
| Subject: DUMB ASS or INNOCENT INTENTIONS - Posted: 5/29/2006 11:16:08 PM
|
|
I‘d also like to take this opportunity to draw attention to the situation for all those "members" who find this site to be so greatly woman-baised and man-hating. Here is a woman who is visibly upset with us and the site. Cleraly now, if this site was so far removed as to let women get away with any and all atrocities and injustices, do you think we‘d be having this little problem right now? I highly doubt it.
|
|
| Topic: update on life, need advice
|
| Subject: update on life, need advice - Posted: 5/30/2006 11:34:50 PM
|
| corey1676 wrote: | So let me have it, give me your 5 cents
|
Leave him out in the rain till he gets frostbite. He lucked out that the child wasn‘t his, but it very well could have been, because he cheated on you with her. Why on earth do you want him back now? He clearly isn‘t sorry about what he did. He hasn‘t changed or learned a thing. He was just doing what he felt he "had" to do and trying to get the best deal out of it as possible.
What kind of man gets married behind his girlfriend‘s back and then keeps it a secret for three months?! You still want this monster? Yes, I know you may love him now, but he is a monster. If you let him back into your life, he will only hurt you again, and worse. Stand up for yourself and keep away from him, you deserve much much better, you know that. There are better guys out there, believe me. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: Frustrated
|
| Subject: Frustrated - Posted: 5/31/2006 12:43:56 AM
|
Ah, you are asking what some have considered the penultimate question regarding relationships between men and women. Why is it that men don‘t want to sit and talk through their problems? They seem to be closed off from their emotions like they‘d rather ignore/avoid the situation and run off instead of discussing things. Men‘s reciprocal complaint is not so carefully worded: Why do women talk so darn much?
The difference is actually psychological. It stems from the different means by which men and women form bonds within their relationships (same-sex friendships, that is). Women form close relationships by talking and understanding each other. I won‘t go into much detail about this, because you know all about it. I wouldn‘t do a good job of explaining the intricacies anyhow.
Men, on the other hand, rarely talk in the same manner and form bonds instead by sharing experiences together. Examples are colleagues at work, poker buddies, buddies that come over and watch the game, fishing buddies, etc. Ever wonder why guys have a lot of buddies that they go out and do things with? It is precisely for this reason--it‘s the way they form friendships and strengthen existing relationships. When things go wrong with their friends, they rarely talk about it. If things get out of hand, they‘ll fight about it (physically), but if it doesn‘t get that far, they will ignore/avoid each other for a while. They will not include each other in their activities, etc. Unless the one that wronged the other makes ammends, which rarely comes as a verbal apology, but more typically is a peace offerring of some sort (gift, work performed, favor, social function for/including him, etc) the two men will not go back to being friends anymore. They typically will hold a grudge for a very long time (until one moves away or dies).
Now, I know these are supremely rash generalizations and seem quite stereotypical, but it does fit the bill for most members of each gender. You can see how these two different tendancies would create conflicts very easily. There have been counteless psychological studies on this, and there is almost no question about it in the field anymore. There are fundamental differences between men and women regarding how they communicate and form relationships. Does this mean that every guy refuses to talk and runs out the door at the first mention of the words emotions or feelings? No, not at all. Does that mean that every woman wants to talk seemingly without end about their feelings and relationships? Again, not a chance.
Nevertheless, this should help explain why your boyfriend is so reluctant to discuss things with you. It leaves him vulnerable and he may likely find it pointless. He may care about you, but that‘s just not how he expresses his feelings. It will ultimately be up to you whether you can tolerate this, because he won‘t change. If you feel you can‘t handle it, then walk away. Otherwise, find some means to put up with it, because it‘s here to stay. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: MAN CUTS OFF HIS PENIS TO PROVE HE‘S FAITHFUL
|
| Subject: MAN CUTS OFF HIS PENIS TO PROVE HE‘S FAITHFUL - Posted: 5/31/2006 10:48:16 PM
|
too funny...
I get the idea--he was trying to prove his fidelity....but now he has nothing be faithful with. hah! How sad and ironic. ; P
|
|
| Topic: I NEED SOME ADVICE PLEASE
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| Subject: I NEED SOME ADVICE PLEASE - Posted: 5/31/2006 11:00:49 PM
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If he cared one bit for you he‘d understand the difficult situation you face. Clearly, he must not love you because he is not patient enough with you to work to earn your trust. Give us more of a context as to how long you‘ve been with him. Unless you‘ve been with him for something on the order of years and still can‘t trust him, I say he has no right to complain about your hesitations. We need more information about your relationship though.
Side note: You were in love a few years back? That would put you at what, 16? Are you certain you knew what love was at 16? I certainly didn‘t (and still don‘t). I think you might want to ensure you‘re not making a similar mistake with this one as well.
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| Topic: Talk show Looking to help you with your relationship
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| Subject: Talk show Looking to help you with your relationship - Posted: 6/3/2006 8:15:07 PM
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Let me shed a little light on the situation.
This poster claims to be affiliated with Greg Behrendt.
Greg Behrendt is a stand up comedian which will be hosting a new syndicated tv show (named after himself) through Sony which will air Fall 2006. The syndication rounds have been picked up by around 90% of the country, so it looks like most people will see it on the broadcast networks.
The phone number he is offerring is coming from Culver City, where a Sony station exists, but I cannot confirm with certainty that this is a legitimate number.
I can‘t guess right now about the truth of this. The offer may be legitimate, but I cannot confirm this as Sony Studios is not open on the weekends. I will call them on Monday and find if the number and email address are legitimate.
talkshow: You have handled this very poorly. Though you may be truthful, you approached this in the wrong manner. One of the first rules of marketting is to know your audience and approach them accordingly. You failed to do that. Please reconsider your approach on other occasions.
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| Topic: I really need a guys advice here.
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| Subject: I really need a guys advice here. - Posted: 6/3/2006 8:55:23 PM
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Are you crazy? Why waste your time? At 19, you should be out chasing guys who have more time for you...not one with such enormous committments. Things are only going to get more heated and complicated between the two of you (and the three of you). More than likely, he is messing around with her...especially if there are comments like that being left, and he goes to see her daily. Red flags everywhere. Walk away and find another (do not pass go, do not collect $200). There are plenty...especially at 19.
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| Topic: Messing about
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| Subject: Messing about - Posted: 6/4/2006 3:50:41 PM
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| Rhiannon wrote: | |
Right on, hopeless_dreamer! Great advice! You‘re a helluva guy! I love the voice of common sense!
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*blushes*....What is this? Do I have a fan club or something? You need to stop before I‘m perpetually red. hehe
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| Topic: Telly the spouse or not
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| Subject: Telly the spouse or not - Posted: 6/4/2006 4:38:22 PM
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There is not a simple answer to this question by any means. I would agree with you that he cheated on his wife by kissing you. You are not at fault though, as you didn‘t know he was involved. Your decision now deals with whether you are morally responsible for informing his wife about his infidelity.
Unfortunately, there is no way to look this up in a book. There are no strict rules which dictate what the right thing to do is. In a situation like this, I would call upon the basic rule of morality. If you were unfortunate enough to be in the wife‘s shoes, what would you want? Would you want the other woman to let you know that your husband has been sneaking around on you, or would you prefer blissful ignorance? If you can make that decision, then your moral obligation should be quite clear. Good Luck.
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| Topic: The
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| Subject: The - Posted: 6/4/2006 6:57:28 PM
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It‘s quite bizarre that he‘s asking so early. There‘s certainly something on his mind, and it‘s likely stemming from insecurity. Instead of being so confused and put off by it though, take it by the horns and turn the tables on him. If he‘s willing to be so bold and ask questions like that, you can do the same.
Ask him the reason for his fascination, and how many women he‘s slept with. Fair is fair. There‘s nothing wrong with brutal honesty. Sure, him prying so early may break social norms, but then since he‘s torn the wall down already, you get to waltz through without resistance. I wouldn‘t run away from him until you extract these bits of information, unless the fact that he‘s asking is such an incredible turn off to begin with. You may find he‘s just really insecure about himself and afraid he won‘t measure up.
I sympathize for him if he is in this insecure position that we are projecting onto him. I‘ve felt, and still feel, this way personally. All he may need is a chance. I say go for it!
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| Topic: Jealousy
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| Subject: Jealousy - Posted: 6/4/2006 7:15:19 PM
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I read through the preceeding posts and then the latest reply. Am I the only dissenting opinion on this one? Lady, I would say with quite some certainty that you do have feelings for him, you‘re just repressing them (perhaps out of fear of ruining the friendship you have).
I have had close women friends that got boyfriends and I felt nothing but joy for them. I have also had close women friends that got boyfriends and I became incredibly jealous. Though it took me quite some time to admit it to myself, in the latter cases, I did have feelings for these women. I would argue that the case you are describing falls in the second category.
I know that the justification is floating around that you feel jealous because he spends less time with you, but I don‘t really buy that. You‘re jealous because you wanted to be in her position, as his girlfriend. It may be difficult to admit, but it was certainly the truth in my cases, and I feel the same about yours as well.
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| Topic: Tracing cellphones & private numbers~ recommendations
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| Subject: Tracing cellphones & private numbers~ recommendations - Posted: 6/6/2006 2:13:19 AM
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| Angie wrote: | | Am surprised that someone 21 years of age has so much "knowledge". She seems to know as much as me and I was married to a cop for 25 years.
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He, not she.
Are you mocking me in any way, or claiming that I‘m not who I say I am? Why does my knowledge surprise you? I read a lot and am very good with computers. The rest just falls into place. I was raised in the tech boom, so these things have been a part of my life since I was a child. You shouldn‘t underestimate us young ones, we can be quite resourceful. ; )
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| Topic: Tracing cellphones & private numbers~ recommendations
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| Subject: Tracing cellphones & private numbers~ recommendations - Posted: 6/6/2006 2:20:06 AM
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| doubleindemnity wrote: | I didn‘t have any luck with the others mentioned on here. They keep charging you 15 dollars for points that get used up instantly.
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Ah, crud. I guess I gave you the wrong one. I apologize. I know there was a decent one out there that was fairly cheap, but I‘m blanking on the name. I‘ll go back and see if I can find the company, but I can‘t remember it offhand. It seems you got a nice volume deal though at 500 for $1 each, I doubt anyone can beat that price.
I‘m very sorry that you have to go through all this. However, you are doing an incredible job with all this information mining. If more women were like you, most men would be terrified to try and cheat on their wives/girlfriends in any way.
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| Topic: Vatican issues sex-related condemnations
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| Subject: Vatican issues sex-related condemnations - Posted: 6/6/2006 9:21:39 PM
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| krazykelly230 wrote: | "If a man takes on the power to fabricate man, he also takes on the power to destroy him," it said. "The human being has the right to be generated, not produced, to come to life not in virtue of an artificial process but of a human act in the full sense of the term: the union between a man and a woman."
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Nothing annoys me more than authoritative ignorance. I have no problem with someone (or some group) who wants to keep their head in the sand. However, doing so means relinquishing any and all rights of authority on the subject matter.
Any description of conception which entails more than a strictly chemical process as explained in rather painful detail over the last few decades by biologists, chemists, and biochemists is just looney. To present the idea that a test-tube baby is somehow wrong in any sense because the sperm did not fertilze the egg in the fallopian tube of a woman is simply backwards.
This, of course, comes from the same institution that excommunicated Galileo for his heretical beliefs that the Sun was not a perfect sphere but instead had sunspots. It wasn‘t until 1992 that the church officially pardoned Galileo, accepting, among other things, that the Earth did indeed revolve around the Sun. If it took the Catholic church nearly 360 years to admit that obvious mistake, I don‘t expect them to change their views about these matters in my lifetime nor my children‘s.
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| Topic: relationships
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| Subject: relationships - Posted: 6/6/2006 9:31:48 PM
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I agree with Katie. You‘re blowing this out of perspective. You haven‘t even been dating a month yet and you expect answers within hours? Get a grip. If he doesn‘t contact you in a few days, then I say you have a right to be upset. Some guys just aren‘t as scrupulous and leave you hanging like that. If that ends up being the case, then shake it off and move on.
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| Topic: Messing about
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| Subject: Messing about - Posted: 6/6/2006 9:38:49 PM
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| ladyjayne wrote: | Why 24 hours though?
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No reason in particular. It‘s just crucial that a time limit is given. You can‘t let him have an indefinite amount of time, that puts you at his mercy. Declaring a time keeps the control in your hands.
Why specifically 24 hours? I just like how it gives a sense of importance and amplifies the seriousness of the matter. It‘s mainly a dramatic effect. You could do 8, 12, 36, or 72 hours....but none of those have as powerful an effect as 24 hours.
Just say it to yourself outloud. You have 24 hours to reply. Doesn‘t it just sound cool and impressive? Hehe. That‘s all, nothing more. I guess the child in me is coming out here, but I like the effect it would create.
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| Topic: Messing about
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| Subject: Messing about - Posted: 6/6/2006 9:40:43 PM
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| ladyjayne wrote: |
That is amazingly good spot on advice.
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Spot on! I haven‘t heard that in years, hehe. Spot on! I figured you must be British, and sure enough, it says Liverpool, hehe. That made me smile. : )
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| Topic: Genetic Quality of Sperm Deteriorates as Men Age
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| Subject: Genetic Quality of Sperm Deteriorates as Men Age - Posted: 6/7/2006 7:48:28 PM
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Ya...I read about this last week when the study was published. Somewhat depressing, isn‘t it? I guess we men aren‘t as invincible as we once thought....haha. ;)
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| Topic: Was my boyfriend cheating, or did he leave me for his ex?
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| Subject: Was my boyfriend cheating, or did he leave me for his ex? - Posted: 6/10/2006 10:28:10 PM
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| Ow. I‘m sorry to hear you don‘t see what‘s going on here. It‘s quite
painfully obvious. He is and was lying to you all this time. He‘s
certainly been seeing this girl behind your back, no question about it.
Stop accepting his bs about needing space and give it to him, permanently. Dump this cheating piece of work and move on. You deserve much much better. Good Luck.
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| Topic: Am i being Paranoid or Right to be concerned?Help Guys!
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| Subject: Am i being Paranoid or Right to be concerned?Help Guys! - Posted: 6/10/2006 10:47:30 PM
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That is very bizarre. The whole "your mom" thing sounds very
strange. It makes me very suspicious. There is a very easy way to
verify this though. You said you two have been together for a year, so
I am guessing you have met his sister, given that she lives so close.
Go talk to her and ask to confirm her cell phone number. If it matches,
then life is good. If it doesn‘t, then he lied to you. You could repeat
the same exercise with his mother, father, brother, etc....whoever you
are closer with.
The reason I would not suggest calling the number is because it is
possible he has prepped the person on the other end (if a person calls
asking to speak with <insert sister‘s name>, claim to be her,
etc). After all, if he went to the trouble to switch the name on the
phone, then he could conceivably go to the next level as well.
Good Luck.
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| Topic: Am i being Paranoid or Right to be concerned?Help Guys!
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| Subject: Am i being Paranoid or Right to be concerned?Help Guys! - Posted: 6/10/2006 11:36:43 PM
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| Well, then, don‘t ask for her cell number. Ask if the number you have
is hers. If she asks why, then explain the situation to her. If she is
a decent girl, she will understand.
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| Topic: Is too much sex a bad thing?
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| Subject: Is too much sex a bad thing? - Posted: 6/11/2006 12:34:25 PM
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Oh, the things women worry about. You complain when things are poorly,
and also when they‘re going wonderful. You all just love to complain,
don‘t you? (kidding, of course).
In all honesty, why worry? You‘re concerned because you two are too
compatible? Don‘t fret, the sexual chemistry will wear off in a little
bit. Can‘t imagine that‘s what you really want though. If you enjoy
what‘s going on, then run with it. If it really does bother you though,
then talk with him about it. If he‘s worth his salt, he will understand
and come to a compromise with you.
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| Topic: Messing about
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| Subject: Messing about - Posted: 6/11/2006 12:43:16 PM
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| TiredOfWomen wrote: | |
Yeah...I‘ve always thought there‘s nothing more romantic than making
demands and handing out deadlines as a way of telling someone you
really care about them... /SARCASM OFF
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<sarcasm>
Certainly, and the fact that he‘s treating her like dirt and possibly seeing other women behind her back is just so much more romantic.
</sarcasm>
The ultimatum is hardly a nice gesture, but in situations where one is
already being treated poorly, it is a last chance scenario. Aside from
walking away, what other option do you have? When he‘s playing "the
game" you gotta throw him into sudden death.
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| Topic: Messing about
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| Subject: Messing about - Posted: 6/11/2006 10:32:45 PM
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| TiredOfWomen wrote: | | Why???
If it‘s to the point of ultimatums what‘s the point? Walk
away. You‘re already past the last chance. If you‘ve been
treated badly, walk away. Why try to save anything? It‘s
not worth it. He either isn‘t aware of the problem (in which case
you can discuss it without an ultimatum), or if he‘s aware he doesn‘t
care. That‘s how women get roped in to these crappy relationships
in the first place. An ultimatum, a promise to change, a
temporary change, then everything‘s back to the way it was. It‘s
not your point to "change" the other person‘s viewpoint. They are
in charge of their actions and it‘s inappropriate to try and "control"
any other human being on this planet other than yourself. And an
"ultimatum" is by definition trying to force someone to change. |
While
you are right that ultimatums are less than ideal, I think they have
times in which they are appropriate. Let me elaborate on the scenario
in which I find they are appropriate. I feel it applies in the
situation in this thread.
Many men play "the game." They will
do so as long as possible because they see it as a nice, though clearly
morally objectionable, situation to be in. I feel (and can support this
with first-hand evidence) that many of these men will not give up
playing the game unless forced
to. Some of these men aren‘t bad, evil, or cheats. They simply take
advantage of the situation they have and keep away from serious
relationships. The ultimatum is basically a way to force the man‘s
hand. It‘s not trying to change the other person‘s viewpoint, but
instead it is offerring a choice (a forced choice, but a choice
nonetheless). The woman who refuses to live by the terms of the game is giving her man a choice: her, or the game.
A man‘s choice is his decision, it is not a forced imposition. If he
didn‘t want it, he is more than free to give her up and keep playing.
Granted, I will accept your point that many men will promise to give up
the game to hang onto the girl, but go on doing the same. These men
are, however, the evil cheats. The above advice does not apply to them.
The only reasonable decision here is to walk away. This is precisely
why I said it is important to objectively evaluate the type of guy one
is dealing with. The ultimatum is useless for a bad guy, but a viable
option for a decent guy who just hasn‘t given up playing the game.
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| Topic: Messing about
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| Subject: Messing about - Posted: 6/12/2006 1:04:43 PM
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| TiredOfWomen wrote: | |
Maybe it‘s the difference in our age and experiences, but I can‘t
imagine myself, or any other guy I know worth having that would respond
positively to a deadline ultimatum. |
I think you‘re right about the age difference here. Almost all men my
age play the game, simply because that‘s what they see "everyone else"
doing. I have seen some guys do so because they‘re pressured to keep
out of relationships from other guys. It sounds ridiculous, trust me,
but some guys just give into the pressure. The macho image is just so
foolish.
I have also seen ultimatums work with men my age. Some choose the girl,
others walk away. I think the reason it is feasible is men my age are
just at the point where they realize that they may want serious
relationships, and need a genlte (or not so gentle) nudge in that
direction. I suppose the same cannot be said for men in their fourties
and fifties.
Thank you ToW. This is an angle I hadn‘t considered before. I‘m glad
you‘re back. I wasn‘t around before you left, but your legend lived on.
I can now see why.
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| Topic: Nice Guy about to cheat
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| Subject: Nice Guy about to cheat - Posted: 6/12/2006 3:02:32 PM
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| nightlord wrote: | I NEED TO BE IN-LOVE SOMEONE and have that someone love me back.
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If the above snippet is what you really need, then your choice should
be more than obvious. You are not getting that love from your wife.
Divorce her. This new girl should not be a factor in this decision. If
you are not happy where you are, then you need to change your situation.
You do not have the right to cheat on your wife, regardless whether the
two of you are in love. You are attempting to justify cheating on your
wife, but you do not have that right under any circumstance. I would
argue that you have already cheated on her by engaging in "heavy
kissing." If you are so very attracted to her, then divorce your wife
and go be with her. You certainly do have a lot more to lose and more
at stake. That is why you need to evaluate what is most important to
you, your family or your need to be in love. Good Luck.
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| Topic: Nice Guy about to cheat
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| Subject: Nice Guy about to cheat - Posted: 6/13/2006 5:42:12 PM
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| nightlord wrote: | | Half of me want to jump into bed with her and indulge but i think i want to know her better first,as a friend or confidante without the sex. |
Where is the half of you that says you should settle the issues with your current relationship with your wife before jumping into another one? Did everything we said just sorta whiz by now that this other woman messaged you?
Despite how much you are attracted to this other woman right now, you have bigger obligations to you wife and children. Settle those first (talk to your wife, compromise, divorce, etc), however they may fall out, and then worry about this other woman (or not at all, your wife may understand and try to work things out). You‘re only asking for a nightmare if you do anything else.
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| Topic: Missing condom. I need a guys advice on this!!
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| Subject: Missing condom. I need a guys advice on this!! - Posted: 6/13/2006 5:48:34 PM
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| Electra wrote: | |
He got very upset when I accused him of cheating and angry when I threatened to break up with him. |
This is the wrong reaction. If he had nothing to hide, there would be no anger. You caught him red-handed and now he‘s upset at being pinned down. It‘s a bogus excuse, really. He‘s just thinks you‘ll fall for it. I swear....the things guys try to get away with. Dump his lying self and find a better one. Good Luck.
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| Topic: My Wife probably hates me..
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| Subject: My Wife probably hates me.. - Posted: 6/13/2006 6:03:19 PM
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Forgive me, but I can‘t see how one can view masturbation as disgusting, but not sex. It rationally doesn‘t follow. Katie is more than likely correct, this was some kind of belief, religious or otherwise, which was instilled into her as a child that she has refused to let go. Though it‘s not necessarily a problem, it puts you in the tricky situation that you are in.
I would personally feel obligated to discuss this with my wife. It‘s not something I would want to keep from her, particularly because she may feel hurt or betrayed if she were to discover this on her own. You two have different sex drives, and that is perfectly fine. If she recognizes that, then she should be willing to accept your need to masturbate, however disgusting she may think it is. You clearly respect her thoughts and beliefs, and she should do the same for you. Being honest about it might even help dispel some fears she has about it.
Above anyone else, you want to feel open and understood by your spouse. If the two of you understand and respect each other‘s needs, fears, and beliefs; then you will have the strength and foundation to confront any issues that come up. This, of course, includes sexually related concerns, even in the case of a highly "traditional" partner.
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| Topic: Feature Request: Enable IMs in Userplane Chat
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| Subject: Feature Request: Enable IMs in Userplane Chat - Posted: 6/13/2006 9:36:59 PM
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To LMW & Admins:
I would like to request that the IM capability be activated in the userplane chatroom. It is a nifty little feature that can comes in handy on many occassions. Could you please turn it on?
Right now, when I try to IM another member in the room, a little box pops up, as if the IM window is coming on, but it give a "page cannot be displayed (404 maybe?). I don‘t know if this was done intentionally, but I would like to ask for this feature.
Thank you.
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| Topic: Free downloads end Sony CD saga
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| Subject: Free downloads end Sony CD saga - Posted: 6/14/2006 7:01:46 PM
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Monday, May 22, not this past Monday.
I heard about the ruling when it came out and I was most pleased with the results. It‘s one step in the right direction. Given how much a fool Sony came out in this, I‘m sure the music companies learned that they can‘t just expect the customer to bend over backwards for their garbage, we will fight back.
Now I just hope that the RIAA becomes the next target of legislation/lawsuits. Enough with the extortion and scare tactics....go spend that money creating better content, not suing defenseless old grandmothers to stay afloat.
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| Topic: Gigantic...no.....hidiously Gigantic!
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| Subject: Gigantic...no.....hidiously Gigantic! - Posted: 6/17/2006 11:39:23 AM
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| dbuck wrote: | | I wonder if she can paint her toenails?
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Paint? I‘d be hard pressed to consider if she can even see her toes.
Looks more like photoshop to me...
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| Topic: couple of questions
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| Subject: couple of questions - Posted: 6/17/2006 9:23:25 PM
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with your son‘s penis. Many young boys cannot fully retract their foreskin until puberty. 11 months is way too young to be worried about that. Don‘t sweat it, just clean it as best you can, it will grow and stretch in time. Congratulations on breaking the tradition of mutilation with your son. :)
The 9 month period is not normal. I would definitely go to a doctor. Get insurance or find a way to cover it, that needs medical attention.
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| Topic: please
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| Subject: please - Posted: 6/18/2006 12:52:34 AM
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| patrick wrote: | | i need to know what i can do for her. |
Be there for her. Comfort her during this time, as difficult as it may be. There is nothing else you can do. Time will heal this wound. Until then though, just be there for each other.
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| Topic: My Wife probably hates me..
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| Subject: My Wife probably hates me.. - Posted: 6/18/2006 7:08:42 PM
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| DaGuru wrote: | | I just gotta ask, did you have sex with her BEFORE you got married or asked her to be your wife? If so, then I have a very hard time feeling any empathy for you. If you didn‘t have sex before, then I just have to say this is living proof why this whole mindset of premarital sex being so taboo by the Bible thumpers is so nonsensical. All it is doing is pushing people to commit even more "sins" like adultery and divorce, which is all in the Bible as well. It is a complete unrealistic expecation for 2 people to marry and just "hope" everything works out OK without having the proper knowledge of the other person before making such a commitment. |
What rubbish. Take the religious aspect completely out of the question and I can still justify rationally why this is wrong. You don‘t have to have sex to know if you will be compatible sexually. What happened with talking?
Communication is the key that tests compatibility, not sex. Sex doesn‘t solve anything or bring about groundbreaking discoveries. It‘s a crutch at best. Individuals who view sex as something very intimate to be shared between their lifelong partner (for religious reasons or otherwise) can still discuss and find out each other‘s views about it. You don‘t have to have sex to know if the other person finds it disgusting, a simple question will more than suffice. If they are not compatible, then the couple will likely not stay together.
Furthermore, to drive home my point, it is obvious that sexual compatibility is not discovered through having sex. There are couples out there with frustrating sex lives that were not necessarily so when they first became intimate. Why? Lack of communication. People have to talk, people have to discuss what works and what doesn‘t. People need to discuss and understand what their partner is and isn‘t comfortable with. You have to understand your partner‘s views about sex and sexuality, otherwise you don‘t have a chance. This understanding, however, does not necessitate actually having sex. It‘s amazing what a little discussion will do.
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| Topic: victory at last......
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| Subject: victory at last...... - Posted: 6/18/2006 10:45:08 PM
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| Staryfillednights wrote: | | But today I took control of my life again... |
Amen.
And to think just one night ago you were doubting whether you had the strength to walk away. Look at how you handled this! Congratulations, and welcome to the new, stronger you. A man deserving and appreciative of your generosity is out there, you just have to find him. Now that you are free of this monster, you can go and do so.
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| Topic: why does hetero man seek male sex?
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| Subject: why does hetero man seek male sex? - Posted: 6/19/2006 9:55:40 PM
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| hillcountrydweller wrote: | | I heard this is common among men. Tell me it isn‘t true. |
This is not common among straight men. In fact, I can assure you that no straight men do this, because doing so would mean they are not straight. Hehe, semantics, yay! :) You‘re ex was bisexual or gay. It is common among them. That, after all, is what defines the term.
Now, if you are asking if bisexuality/homosexuality is common among men, then that‘s a different question. Judging only by those that are open about their sexuality, I can say with certainty that it is in the minority. How many purportedly "straight" men are in fact closet bisexuals/homosexuals however is not so easy to guess. Nevertheless, they are still in the minority (perhaps not by such a huge margin, but nevertheless, they are still a minority). Therefore, it is not common among men. I hope that gives you a little reassurance.
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| Topic: Does everyone realize?? please read
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| Subject: Does everyone realize?? please read - Posted: 6/20/2006 2:32:51 AM
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tears is, of course, more than right. I stay out of the drama for precisely this reason--it doesn‘t benefit this place and pushes incoming people away, arguably moreso than the trolls. Newcomers can identify a troll just as well as we can, but to see ridiculous behavior from regulars is enough to make people reconsider being a part of this community.
Is that what you guys want? You can go off on your holy crusade to execute and exterminate the trolls, but watch your attitudes and tone always, especially to other members. This place is as bad as high school (if not worse). Yes, I know this is a very emotionally charged site, but for that very reason, we should all be that much more careful with our mudslinging. Give people the benefit of the doubt and treat each other kindly.
You think you are doing such a great job by violently throwing out the evildoer, or standing up and charging to another‘s defense at the smallest hint of disrespect? Just consider what effect that has on the many potential members that see this behavior and are turned off by it. You never see how many are scared away, and if you thought about it for a moment, you might let the next possibly questionable comment slide and give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Likewise, if someone nitpicks at one phrase of one line, it isn‘t necessary to bring down the entire roof supporting/defending or attacking it.
I know what I‘m asking for is never going to happen, but I‘m tired of staying quiet as well. There is a silent majority here that wishes an end to the drama, fighting, personal/tribal wars, and all the other bs that goes on here. I, for one, am standing up with tears and stating I am not happy with this state of affairs. I want a change in attitude. Don‘t lose sight of what this site is for, and treat each other with civility. In the long run, the little quibbles that you don‘t beat to death will have a huge impact on the overall morale of this site and its attraction to new members in need of help.
|
|
| Topic: EXTRA!!! EXTRA!!! NEWS FLASH TO THE OBLIVIOUS!!!
|
| Subject: EXTRA!!! EXTRA!!! NEWS FLASH TO THE OBLIVIOUS!!! - Posted: 6/20/2006 10:46:41 AM
|
The solution is simple, and twofold. The troll‘s behavior should not be tolerated, but at the same time, not met with similar hostility. Slinging personal insults, despite the fact that the troll already drew first blood, doesn‘t help our cause. It only lowers us to their level and gives him exactly what he wants: chaos and confusion.
The second part is an appeal to the admins. We need IP level blocks! This is an absurd situation to not have the ability to ban at the IP/hostmask level. It is a standard practice of essentially any other internet network, and the fact that we don‘t have this ability is killing us. To the administrators, I please beg of you, make some modifications and add IP or subnet level blocking. This site needs the ability to prevent a troll from returning by blocking his 24-bit subnet, private ex: 192.168.0.0/24
|
|
| Topic: update, clean for 4 days now
|
| Subject: update, clean for 4 days now - Posted: 6/21/2006 8:16:43 PM
|
| cherryice wrote: | | Everything got to me and I took a handful of my antidepressants so I could go to the hospital.I didnt‘ do it to kill myself, I just had to go to the hospital and I needed commited then. |
cherry, I was terrified to read through your post, especially after the first couple lines. You went about it the wrong way. A hospital and psych ward aren‘t going to help you if you don‘t want help. Psych wards particularly are useless if the staff does not diagnose you with a pschological condition (as seemed to be the case here). You should have checked into a detox center, that is what you needed at the time. You took a very huge risk with the overdose of antidepressants, they could have killed you. Don‘t do it again, please. Think of your children and how much they need you.
Don‘t give in! You can do this. We are all here for you.
|
|
| Topic: Being used
|
| Subject: Being used - Posted: 6/23/2006 12:00:57 AM
|
| sexyblondbabe wrote: | | I just hate this whole feeling used bit, i can never trust a man now. Everytime i talk to one its always in the back of my head ‘ he‘s probably not telling the truth‘!
|
That is not the way to live. Yes, there are lying men and women out there in the world, but there are also honest men and women as well. Lying is not exclusive to men, it is exclusive to people. You have been treated very poorly in the past, no quesiton about that, but if you let that poison all future relationships, what hope do you have for happiness?
I think you need to give yourself a little break from men for a time. Spend some time by yourself and collect your thoughts. Give your emotions a chance to settle before charging out on the battlefeild of dating. I‘m not saying you should trust men right off the bat, but a guy should be able to earn your trust over time. You are not ready to date again until you can envision that happenning.
|
|
| Topic: Wrong to ask them stop?
|
| Subject: Wrong to ask them stop? - Posted: 6/24/2006 11:02:14 PM
|
| 3one9 wrote: | | would you stop for her or do you think its wrong for someone to stop something because their PARTNER doesn‘t like it? |
That,
of course, entirely depends how important the issue at question is to
me. If what she is asking me to give up is more important to me than
she is, then no, I would not do so. If, however, what she is asking me
is not too important, then I wouldn‘t have a problem giving the thing
in question up for her.
A simple example based on your
specific question. If my girlfriend asked me to give up strip clubs,
and I didn‘t really consider it terribly important (perhaps only as an
occasional diversion, etc), then I would have no problem giving it up
for her. However, if I couldn‘t live without strip clubs, and she asked
me to give them up, then I would be much less inclined to do so.
It is simply a matter of weighing importance. You then have to decide
what do to if he decides not to give up the issue like you ask. It is
up to you to decide whether the issue is worth tolerating for him.
My personal opinion about strip clubs is that they are quite disgusting
and I do not frequent them. If I were a girl, I would not continue
seeing a guy who did go to them. I wouldn‘t want him to "give them up"
for me, because that‘s denying who he is and trying to change him. I
don‘t want, nor do I expect, my partner to change who she is for me.
Similarly, I do not want her to expect me to change for her. We must
accept who each of us is as individuals, and realize that if there are
incompatibilties, that they must either be tolerated or the
relationship should be ended. Ideally, I want my partner to share
similar values as those that I hold, otherwise there will be strife and
heartache in trying to keep a mismatched relationship alive.
|
|
| Topic: very frustrated
|
| Subject: very frustrated - Posted: 6/24/2006 11:26:23 PM
|
It totally sucks to be where you are. I know, I‘ve been there too.
Frankly, you‘ve admitted (both to yourself and to her) your feelings
for her, yet she doesn‘t seem to respond. There are countless girls
that would kill for a guy like you, so make a decision, either go for
her, or go out looking for another. Either way, I think you‘ll find the
results interesting.
Scenario 1) You go for it. When I say that, I mean kiss her, you don‘t
have to wait for a written invitation. Just wait for that lapse in
conversation, or when she holds your gaze for a moment too long (I‘m
sure you‘ve felt it before) and just do it. If she treats you like
you‘ve described, then she will probably respond well. If she doesn‘t,
then ehh, now you have your answer and you can move on.
Scenario 2) Go chase after other women. This too has two possible
results. She may become jealous and come to grips with what she‘s about
to lose and chase after you. However, she could also possibly care
less, never batting an eye, but then, here too, you have your answer
and should move on.
If the situation between the two of you is
really as you describe, then I think either scenario will fall in your
favor. I would recommend the first scenario simply because it is more
exciting. What is certain is that unless you do something
she is going to hold you in this limbo as long as possible. The ball is
in your court, make your move. Good Luck. : )
|
|
| Topic: My Wife probably hates me..
|
| Subject: My Wife probably hates me.. - Posted: 6/24/2006 11:45:33 PM
|
| DaGuru wrote: | | Anyone
can "say" anything, and not live up to what they have presented. And
not just in a purposeful lying sense, but just misbelieving their own
skills. Well what if she can‘t stand the taste of cum, and no longer has that "interest" any more? But
I think problems like what the original poster brought to us is a
legitimate example how this could all have been worked out, possibly
prior to going to the alter. |
The above three selections sum up the points in your post. The easiest to address first is the third point.
You are right, this could have all been worked out before going to the altar, but it needn‘t have been with sex. There is no
doubt in my mind that this woman would have explained very clearly her
views on sex if she was asked. There is no need to actually have
sex to know one‘s views on it. She would have easily explained her
religious beliefs and what she does and does not find acceptable. Trust
me, the Catholic Church is quite strict about sex, there would have
been no confusion whatsoever.
This brings me then to the other
two points, which are related. Yes, you are absolutely right. It is
very possible for a girl to hate the taste of semen, or find somethings
not as pleasurable as she might have anticipated. However, it is not
the skills nor the abilities that make for a healthy and satisfying sex
life. It is the willingness and understanding of the two partners
involved. Yes, she may not end up liking the taste of semen, but that
is far, far from the point.
It makes no difference whether she likes the taste. If she is willing
to please her partner (and matches his level of eagerness,
experimentation, etc), then she will find other creative ways of
satisfying him. Similarly, if a couple lacks the skills necessary for a
great sex life right off the bat, they will develop it, assuming both are willing and have the right attitude.
This is ultimately my point. You don‘t have to have
sex to determine sexual compatibility. Openly and honestly discussing
it is enough, because you can gauge your potential sex partner‘s
willingness and attitude towards it. If you find out that she is
relatively frigid and unwilling to experiment, which, if it is a far
cry from your hopes and desires, then you don‘t have much of a chance
of making that relationship work sexually. However, if a couple‘s
attitude towards sex match (either both being relatively frigid or both
being willing, experimental, and eager to please) then it doesn‘t
matter whatsoever whether she likes the taste of semen or not.
|
|
| Topic: Oopsie. ASPMail Evaluation Version?
|
| Subject: Oopsie. ASPMail Evaluation Version? - Posted: 6/25/2006 12:06:45 AM
|
Hi Admins,
I just noticed something which must have been an
oversight. The emails that go out notifying users when they have
intra-site mail reports that they have been sent using an evaluation
version of ASPMail 4.11 (production environment use illegal, blah blah,
ending sept 28, 2006). These didn‘t used to be on the messages, and it
seems they began sometime in June. I want to point this out so it can
be corrected. I don‘t want the site to get into any trouble as a result
of this little glitch. :)
|
|
| Topic: Does this really works
|
| Subject: Does this really works - Posted: 6/25/2006 12:20:42 AM
|
Holy dang. No, no...NO. You can‘t prevent pregnancy from vinegar, or
any other thing taken orally (except oral contraceptives, but that‘s a
different matter). Get your facts straight before you continue! Read and inform yourself, you don‘t want to have an unplanned pregnancy, and with all honesty, you don‘t want a child at 18.
Read about contraception and your options.
http://www.americanpregnancy.org/preventingpregnancy/index.htm
|
|
| Topic: Tracing cellphones & private numbers~ recommendations
|
| Subject: Tracing cellphones & private numbers~ recommendations - Posted: 6/25/2006 12:50:15 AM
|
| Angie wrote: | |
Will tell you that you will make a GREAT husband one day if you ever
choose to marry as you seem to understand women and that is where most
men fuck up!! lol
|
I apologize for the late reply, I was just browsing over old posts and saw I had missed this.
Thank you for your words, you are most kind. I hope you are right, as I would love to get married one day. :)
|
|
| Topic: Vatican issues sex-related condemnations
|
| Subject: Vatican issues sex-related condemnations - Posted: 6/25/2006 12:53:50 AM
|
| krazykelly230 wrote: | | for once i agree with you :)
|
I think you two might have misunderstood me. By no means was I singling
out the Catholic Church. It was simply the topic of the post (hence why
I lashed out at them). If you look back at my comment, you will see
that I said "someone (or some group)." I hate authoritative ignorance
from anyone and everyone, not just the Catholic Church.
(sorry for the late reply)
|
|
| Topic: husband tells child Ow life story
|
| Subject: husband tells child Ow life story - Posted: 6/25/2006 6:38:03 PM
|
Wow.
You are right, this is definitely not a story for a young child. If the
option was available, she should not have been told. However, she
knows, and now you have to find a way to deal with it. I wish you had
mentioned how old she is, because that would help us with the approach.
I, personally, do not favor keeping children blind. They are usually
much more understanding than people imagine. Talk with your daughter
and explain to her the atrocities that some people suffer through. It
would have been nice if you could have kept this from her until later,
but you have to deal with it now.
You really don‘t have much
of a choice. It will be infinitely better for her to hear the
explainations from you, her mother, than her friends. You have the
ability to guide her understanding of these sensitive issues. If her
friends tell her, she may be left confused, scared, or worse, misled.
You cannot simply ignore the issue, because she will be curious and she
will find things out on her own. Your choice is thus: do you tell her
about these things, or do her friends? If you see it in those terms,
the choice becomes obvious. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: husband tells child Ow life story
|
| Subject: husband tells child Ow life story - Posted: 6/25/2006 9:02:35 PM
|
| lorrie wrote: | | okay,
i was just making the point to the other post that she understands the
birds and the bees, they have covered this and i have since she was
three. |
I don‘t know what you
should do legally. I can‘t comment on that because I don‘t understand
the dynamics of the relationships between all of you. BMW may very well
be right and perhaps you should contact a lawyer.
However,
what I do feel strongly about is that you should talk to your daughter
about this. Regardless of who you take her to, therapist, psychologist,
etc; no one will have the same guiding ability as her mother. I can
even imagine that taking her to a therapist might confuse her even more
about the magnitude of the problem. Don‘t ignore the problem. You can
handle it. Perhaps not entirely, but you should definitely make an
effort. If you feel she needs further counseling about it, then fine,
take her to a therapist. I do think you should discuss it yourself
first before running to a stranger for help.
|
|
| Topic: 10 YR OLD BANNED FROM MALL FOR BANDANNA
|
| Subject: 10 YR OLD BANNED FROM MALL FOR BANDANNA - Posted: 6/25/2006 9:29:12 PM
|
| BlogMistress Womansaver wrote: | Similar policies are in place at 285 Simon properties in 39 states and Puerto Rico.
|
Haha, ya...right. Similar policies are not in place in any of the Simon malls in my area. I promise you that. I have never
seen or heard of anyone get called on their clothing at a mall here. I
wonder what anal local manager over there is bringing down such bogus
enforcement. *rolls eyes*
|
|
| Topic: very frustrated
|
| Subject: very frustrated - Posted: 6/25/2006 11:00:18 PM
|
| raw_end wrote: | | I
told her that for this deed that she will need to agree to go out as a
possible couple but if she keeps borrowing I‘m going to up it to going
out as a couple. |
I‘m sorry, but I really feel this is the wrong move. You‘re literally buying her here. Now she will feel like she owes you
that date. Is this really what you want? Are you hoping she‘ll see how
great it is to be around you in a "boyfriend like scenario" and want to
be your boyfriend? I hate to break it to you, but it‘s not going to work out this way.
Think about it, is this the way you really want to form your
relationship? You‘re buying her, and that‘s wrong, no matter how you
look at it. Let her want to be with you, not be forced
to be with you. You said she gets jealous, so play that angle. Distance
yourself and let her see what she‘s missing out on. It‘s a lot more
honorable than buying your way to a relationship.
|
|
| Topic: cell phone
|
| Subject: cell phone - Posted: 6/26/2006 1:07:05 AM
|
Sorry, what you‘re asking for constitutes fraud and is illegal. I do
not want to promote something like that, because the repurcussions are
less than ideal.
Furthermore, I question your intent and honesty here. Why are you asking for these if you just stated that you have checked his bills in this thread: http://www.womansavers.com/forum-for-women/ask-a-guy/7/9658.html
I think some things don‘t quite add up. I have posted my concerns in the other thread. See the link above.
|
|
| Topic: What does this mean?
|
| Subject: What does this mean? - Posted: 6/26/2006 1:25:24 AM
|
| konfabulous wrote: | I have been married for the last 20 years and for the last 9 years, my husband won‘t put out.
|
Please excuse me if I am way, way
off base here, but your post totally threw me for a loop. At this
point, I‘m claiming fabrication, because it doesn‘t make sense.
You‘ve been married for 20 years? Your profile states you are 33. You got married when you were 13? Wait....what?? Sorry, that doesn‘t add up. That screams statutory rape all over.
You need sex a few times a day, yet you haven‘t had sex in 9 years?
That also doesn‘t sit well. Yes, you say you are madly attracted to
him, but come now....no one would wait nine years for sex in a marriage.
You assert that he is not cheating on you with another man or woman, so
he only has masturbation. Putting it simply, no man would prefer
masturbation to sex with his attractive wife (as you claim to be). It
makes no sense.
If you want my real
opinion here, I think this is a fraud. I saw your other posts and they
too are negative and/or suspicious. It seems to me like you are posting
this scenario in an attempt to create a very tempting picture so that
the women here will justify you an excuse to cheat. This is probably
your attempt at trying to prove how sexist and anti-male this site is,
and that they will let women get away with cheating, while bashing on
the men at every turn. Nice try, but that‘s far from the truth. We‘re
not going to fall for your little scam. This site does not condone
cheating from either sex, and if by some miracle, what you are claiming is true, you‘re still not justified in cheating on your husband. If you can‘t live without sex, then divorce him and find another one to satisfy you.
Along those lines, if, in fact, you are speaking the truth, then I
completely apologize for my criticism. We have had a recent foray of
trouble and I am still very suspicious and on the lookout for trolls. I
apologize ahead of time if I made any false accusations.
|
|
| Topic: Hotmail Block
|
| Subject: Hotmail Block - Posted: 6/26/2006 12:05:26 PM
|
| Lady1981 wrote: | |
How do you block an email address from sending mail on hotmail? |
As crazy as this may sound, I would recommend that you not block his
email. Set up a filter to drop his emails into a different folder. Keep
these as a paper trail, in the case you ever need to refer to them or
use them as support in court. You never know what may happen, and this
way, you would have them should you ever need them.
|
|
| Topic: reality check and objective opinion please!!
|
| Subject: reality check and objective opinion please!! - Posted: 6/26/2006 2:02:26 PM
|
| donnaddd65 wrote: | |
Someone PLEASE tell me what to make of this.
|
Unfortunately, it‘s more than obvious. He‘s been cheating on you, for a very, very
long time. Don‘t you believe for one moment that it‘s been limited to
kissing like he claims, that‘s the biggest lie ever. He‘s been sleeping
with countless women for many years and it appears you‘ve been ignoring
or denying it. Wake up to his lies and take control of your life. Leave
him and look elsewhere, you deserve much better than this. Dump his lying self and move on.
|
|
| Topic: did he cheat?
|
| Subject: did he cheat? - Posted: 6/27/2006 8:09:02 PM
|
| katie2234 wrote: | | Personally I dont think married men should go out for drinks and hang out at bars. |
This
sounds a little controlling, don‘t you think? I don‘t know why you‘re
so worked up over this. You weren‘t married when this happened, and you
only said that the two of you were dating, not in a relationship. You
haven‘t mentioned anything that sounds like a viable reason to doubt
him. Why don‘t you trust him? I think you should explain things a
little more before any reasonable conclusion can be made. However,
simply from what you have explained thusfar, I don‘t see a problem with
his behavior.
|
|
| Topic: did he cheat?
|
| Subject: did he cheat? - Posted: 6/27/2006 8:39:23 PM
|
Forgive me, I did not see your post in the other section when I made my reply.
http://www.womansavers.com/forum-for-women/ask-a-guy/7/9698.html
Reading through that thread, I see now that there is a lot of confusion
in your relationship. I do agree with the general sentiment though, you
need to communicate more with him. I still have no idea if he‘s
cheating, but it is clear that his actions are far from the ideal (or
even typical) married man.
|
|
| Topic: need to get my head examined
|
| Subject: need to get my head examined - Posted: 7/1/2006 8:15:34 PM
|
| katie2234 wrote: | | What am I doing with him. I got a well paying job that starts in jan for 60000 and that not enough for him |
It may not be enough for him, but let me tell you, that is enough for you.
Frankly, I have no idea what you‘re doing with him. He doesn‘t love
you. That‘s not how someone who loves you would treat you. Get out and
file for divorce. I don‘t know why you think you don‘t make enough to
get away, but you do! You can
get away, you make more than enough. Perhaps you can‘t afford as large
a house that you live in now and every luxury you may be accustomed to,
but you can afford an
apartment. Do that! He‘s treating you very poorly, and you do not need
to tolerate it anymore. Take back control of your life. You can do it,
it is totally within your capability.
|
|
| Topic: very frustrated
|
| Subject: very frustrated - Posted: 7/2/2006 9:23:56 PM
|
| raw_end wrote: | | She‘s really confusing at times. I‘m not giving up, that‘s the problem with the others I eventually gave up. |
Here‘s your problem. You don‘t know when to quit and move on. If a girl
is seriously into you, she won‘t be stringing you along for this long. Face the reality and look elsewhere. You‘re only going to hurt yourself more and make a bigger fool of yourself.
|
|
| Topic: very frustrated
|
| Subject: very frustrated - Posted: 7/2/2006 9:32:49 PM
|
| raw_end wrote: | | Next summer I plan on taking Ballet. I know other guys will say that
I‘m gay because of it, but hey I‘m surrounded by beautiful girls.
|
If it‘ll get your mind off her and onto something more constructive,
I‘m all for it. Get out there and look around, there are a lot of women
out there. There‘s no point in getting hung up over one, particularly
if she shows little interest.
|
|
| Topic: What the hell !
|
| Subject: What the hell ! - Posted: 7/4/2006 1:20:40 AM
|
| honey22 wrote: | | When
her bf calls she always tell him she is busy and she said to me I tell
him that because I don‘t want to mess up a good thing because I‘m lucky
to have him thats why I avoid him half the time.So guys want 60% buddy
and 40% girl friend material. |
I‘m sorry, but this is just plain ridiculous. This is not good advice, it‘s the advice of a little child playing a game.
don‘t want to mess up a good thing
You‘re
kidding, right? Relationships are entirely about spending time with the
other person, understanding the other person (as well as yourself),
struggling with the other person through difficult times, trying to
figure out if being together is truly worth it despite the conflict. A
relationship is not some kind of pristine ideal set on a table that you
come in and smile and sigh at through your looking glass, dusting it
off and treating it delicately like a fine piece of china so it won‘t
crack or get dirty. Far, far from it.
A good
relationship is one that is tested and worn. It has cracks, bruises,
knicks, and scratches from the strife. But if there is love and
commitment, as well as an equally vast arrary of positive attributes
and experiences, it is stronger than even tempered steel. There is no way a couple can get to that point by avoiding each other. The only way to reach it is to have the opposite attitude.
I also want to comment on this buddy/girlfriend idea. There is no
breakdown of percentage. In fact, I don‘t even understand the
differentiation. My girlfriend will be my buddy and my friend. In fact,
ideally, she would be my best friend--the
one who I have no secrets from, no shame or fear in confiding in, and
the one person I would rather be with than anyone else on earth. I
don‘t want a buddy that will laugh and say yes to every disgusting comment I make. I don‘t want a girlfriend
that is some uncompromising lady making demands (or similarly, one who
lets me walk all over her). I want a woman who can stand up for
herself, yet be gentle and caring when appropriate; that won‘t let my
bigotry, selfishness, arrogance, or ignorance slide; who will challenge
my views and make me strive for excellence and integrity; who makes me
proud and ecstatic to be in a relationship with such an amazing woman. That, to me, is what a girlfriend material is. I‘m sure there are plenty of men that disagree with my opinion, but then those are the ones that end up in our database.
Which kind of man would you rather chase after, and whose advice makes more sense?
|
|
| Topic: Email Records Access
|
| Subject: Email Records Access - Posted: 7/4/2006 1:38:54 PM
|
Wow, this sounds like quite a complicated issue. He brought you over
from the Philippines? Your post was very confusing and all over the
place. Please post more information (in the appropriate forum: general,
catch a cheater, etc) and use sentences and paragraphs so we can follow
along. This sounds like a difficult and unfair position for you at
first glance, but we need more information.
|
|
| Topic: he never came home
|
| Subject: he never came home - Posted: 7/4/2006 2:03:25 PM
|
| Katie, when will you face up to the reality of what‘s going on here?
You‘re denying the truth. He‘s treating you horribly, and he does not
love you. I don‘t doubt that you love him, but he does not love you.
Kick him out. He hasn‘t come home? Fine, he doesn‘t have a home to come
back to. Get rid of this loser, he doesn‘t deserve you.
|
|
| Topic: A girl at work
|
| Subject: A girl at work - Posted: 7/4/2006 2:15:38 PM
|
| anonymous_heartbroken wrote: | | I guess my question would be, do you think he‘s doing anything with this girl?
|
Does it really matter? Either way, he‘s not exactly a good catch. What
kind of scumbag drools over a coworker when he has a girlfriend? Do
yourself a favor and break it off with him. He shouldn‘t be flirting
around with other women like that. His behavior doesn‘t sound like he
is at all loyal. Get rid of him now while you‘re still ahead. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: What do you do when you man is always on the computer!
|
| Subject: What do you do when you man is always on the computer! - Posted: 7/4/2006 2:17:58 PM
|
| You can‘t change his behavior, he has to want to do that on his own.
The only thing you can do it tell him how hurt and neglected you feel
as a result. You have done exactly that though, and he refuses to
change. He clearly doesn‘t love you, despite the fact that he says
otherwise. I know you love him, and it is incredibly hard, but you
cannot change him. If he refuses to modify his behavior and treat you
better, you have no choice but to get rid of him.
|
|
| Topic: what did I do
|
| Subject: what did I do - Posted: 7/5/2006 4:14:52 AM
|
| katie2234 wrote: | | What the hello is going on here??And me, I am steaming mad. I feel like I want to kick his sorry ass. |
Day
after day after day, the same thing. Is anything we‘re saying getting
through to you? He is CHEATING on you. He is seeing other women for sex,
not massages (though that may be part of the deal). When are you going
to wake up to it? You have a dozens of signs in the posts you‘ve made
so far, yet you haven‘t woke up to the reality. He is cheating on you! Kick him out, or move out. File for divorce, and get him out of your life.
I want to know that at least some of what we‘re saying is getting
through to you. I want you to reply to my post, quoting the following
line so I know you understand. I want you to do this in this thread,
and then acknowledge what I am saying. You are burying your head in the
sand and it is only going to cause you more harm (physically, mentally,
and emotionally). Quote the line below and reply.
He
is cheating on me. I see that and I will no longer stand for it. I am
throwing him out of my life and moving onto that which I deserve.
|
|
| Topic: is he cheating for sure ??
|
| Subject: is he cheating for sure ?? - Posted: 7/5/2006 4:22:18 AM
|
| michipoo wrote: | |
plz help me catch him and save my family from his lies.
|
Yes, he is cheating, for sure. You don‘t have to "catch him," what you
found is more than proof enough. Tell your mom. I‘m sure she already
was suspiscious because of a change in his behavior. If you tell her
what you found, it will just confirm her fears. As a daughter, I think
you are obligated to tell your mom about this.
|
|
| Topic: What the hell !
|
| Subject: What the hell ! - Posted: 7/5/2006 12:18:11 PM
|
| honey22 wrote: | | I should have learned how and figure what makes me happy before I got into a relationship.
|
Amen to that. You‘ve got it exactly right. You cannot be happy in a relationship or make someone else happy unless you yourself
are happy with yourself first. Your happiness will not arise from your
partner, it will arise from within yourself. Your partner can
complement your happiness, but cannot be the source of it. Figure out
how to be happy on your own, and then worry about how to be happy in a relationship.
|
|
| Topic: Please help me!
|
| Subject: Please help me! - Posted: 7/5/2006 12:57:49 PM
|
| rmad wrote: | If he is going to keep cheating then I don‘t need him. I will do
just fine on my own. My baby and I are all each other
needs.
So my question is, how should I bring all this down. I don‘t want him to know that I went through his stuff....
|
How do you bring it down? Simple, tell him you‘re kicking him out one
night when he comes in. When he asks why, tell him that you‘re not
going to tolerate his cheating anymore. You don‘t need to present proof
to him. You know exactly what he was doing, and so does he.
You don‘t owe him an explaination of any kind. Kick his lying, cheating
self out and move on with your life. You can do it, don‘t let a fear
about how to handle it stop you from doing what you know is right.
|
|
| Topic: what did I do
|
| Subject: what did I do - Posted: 7/5/2006 1:30:34 PM
|
| katie2234 wrote: | | Sorry. I wont post here anymore. ok. |
Katie,
I apologize if you feel I came off too critical. That was not my
intention. I definitely want you to post and talk about what is
happenning. We had not heard of your plan, or you intentions. Tell us
about these! We want to hear about he progress you‘re making. All we
were seeing were the continual problems and the rut you seemed stuck
in. That was just killing us here, feeling like we could do nothing to
help.
Please, do not leave. Continue to post and keep us in the loop with your plans to move forward.
|
|
| Topic: Does he like me?
|
| Subject: Does he like me? - Posted: 7/5/2006 1:47:31 PM
|
| blueeyes83 wrote: | | I
know this is a little vague but can you tell me what is going on there.
I am a little confused. Does he like me? Am I the rebound? What is
going on there? |
What‘s not to
understand? You‘re a sex buddy. What do you expect? From what I could
piece together you‘ve been together for less than a month, maybe two
weeks or so? What do you want from him? He‘s got what he wanted and is
in no rush to change the situation or make a commitment.
So,
to answer your question, yes, he likes you because you‘re sleeping with
him. Take that away, and, well...I‘m not sure if he would still like
you.
|
|
| Topic: Should I be concerned?
|
| Subject: Should I be concerned? - Posted: 7/5/2006 2:15:33 PM
|
| Sorry I missed you in chat earlier this morning, I was still alseep.
Reading through your post, it seems you have nothing at all to worry
about. It‘s not out of the question for a man to have a woman as a
friend. He called her to check the vacation schedule because he is more
comfortable with her. If he is a loyal man and there is no reason to
suspect him of anything, then why worry? He‘s not hiding anything from
you, and it‘s natural to like someone who has their life on track. It
sounds like he enjoys her friendship and there is no reason to stifle
an honest friendship simply based on gender.
|
|
| Topic: HOPELESS DREAMER - HELP!
|
| Subject: HOPELESS DREAMER - HELP! - Posted: 7/6/2006 12:14:07 AM
|
Ladyjane,
There are a couple things you can try.
One avenue involves placing a service level block on his number. Call
your phone provider and ask if they can put a block on his numbers. In
the US, the wireless carriers won‘t do this unless there is a court
order to do so. However, it is possible that Britian is not as
backwards as the US when it comes to these policies. Europe seems to be
much more progressive when it comes to personal rights than the US,
they will tend to favor the individual over the big business, so you
might have some luck there.
If that does not work, then look for a local solution, at the phone
level. I‘m assuming you‘re using a GSM/UMTS phone (it is the standard
in Europe). Scour around on your phone for a "block call" feature. Some
phones have this, but most available in the US markets do not. If your
phone does not, then there is an easy workaround. Put all his numbers
in your phonebook (if they are not already there) and set the ringer ID
(caller specific ringtone) to silent. This way, when he calls, your
phone will not go off. It is possible that you have a similar feature
for text messages (either put him on block list, or set ringer) so do
that as well.
Ideally, if your service provider can set the block, that would be
best. However, going about the second route works relatively well also.
I‘ll be in the chat for the next few hours if you need any help. Good
Luck.
|
|
| Topic: is he cheating for sure ??
|
| Subject: is he cheating for sure ?? - Posted: 7/6/2006 12:30:02 AM
|
Dang....you ladies are brilliant and bring up a good point. I hadn‘t
considered that angle at all. I guess I still have a lot to learn.
Taking that view into account, I will agree and think it is the best
action. Tell your father that you know and let him deal with the guilt
and fess up. If he doesn‘t fess up, then go to your mother. Either way, I don‘t think you should sweep it under the rug.
|
|
| Topic: HOPELESS DREAMER - HELP!
|
| Subject: HOPELESS DREAMER - HELP! - Posted: 7/6/2006 2:47:46 AM
|
| I‘m a little confused. I didn‘t mean for you to set your entire phone
on silent, only for him. Most phones now can set ringtones for specific
callers based on the phonebook entries. If you set his ringtone as
silent, then you won‘t know when he calls, but everyone else will not
be affected.
|
|
| Topic: he left me
|
| Subject: he left me - Posted: 7/8/2006 2:49:34 PM
|
| madmama wrote: | | but i guess i need some advice.
|
Dump the lying, cheating scumbag and look elsewhere. This jerk isn‘t
going to give you what you want or deserve. Give up trying. He‘s just
going to torture you and hurt you even more than he has if you stay
with him. Is that how you want to live your life? He doesn‘t appreciate
how hard you work to provide for him and your children. That‘s not what
you deserve. Get yourself out of this mess and find someone who will
appreciate you.
|
|
| Topic: What would you write to the person who tries to steal away your love?
|
| Subject: What would you write to the person who tries to steal away your love? - Posted: 7/8/2006 4:52:38 PM
|
| Orion wrote: | |
Should I ? Write her a message busting her for trying to take my man?
|
No, I do not think you should write her this letter. It sounds like you
are harboring an incredible amount of anger against this woman and just
itching to explode at her. Don‘t do this, and don‘t "return the favor,"
that makes you no better than than her. Keep the moral high ground and
don‘t write her anything. If anything, you should feel pity for this
poor girl, she has to resort to stealing others‘ men because she can‘t
get them normally or otherwise.
|
|
| Topic: what did I do
|
| Subject: what did I do - Posted: 7/8/2006 5:23:42 PM
|
| katie2234 wrote: | | I wont even hug him and I wont even let this go any fruther then to get
my fianacnes in order. I want money. period.and to find a place to live. |
Amen katie, amen. This is the response we‘ve been hoping for. This is exactly
the resovle you need to carry this out. Congratulations on getting this
far, you had me worried for a time. Now you have the drive and
motivation to get away from him and his mess and get things in order.
If I may suggest something, try to see if you can‘t kick him out. If
the home is in both your names, then you have just as much claim to the
house as he does. However, given that you are the one taking care of
your child, then you now have more
claim to the home than he does. Kick him out, then you don‘t have to
worry about getting your life in order and rebuilding from nothing. Let
him be the one to figure all
that out. He‘s the one that messed everything up, why do you have to be
the one to go back to square one?
Congratulations again and good luck. Keep us posted.
|
|
| Topic: Is He True or False?
|
| Subject: Is He True or False? - Posted: 7/8/2006 5:47:42 PM
|
Wow, prudence, this is a difficult story to read. I wish I had
something positive or hopeful to tell you, but I don‘t. The reality is
very simple: far too many guys place intial
physical attraction (i.e. how badly they want to screw you the first
time they see you) too highly in their priorities in a woman.
Before I elaborate, I do want to point out an interesting contradiction
in your story. In the first half, you described the five days that you
spent with him as "the best five days of my life" yet, in the second half, you describe how he treated you so poorly when he was with you: "treated his dog better than I." One of these statements has to be false. My guess is it is the former. I think you were so in love with who you thought this guy thought was instead of who he really
was. His words versus his actions were clearly leagues apart, and that
is not the kind of guy you want. That is the kind of guy who places
such an incredible importance on intial physical attraction, to the
extent that everything else is insignificant.
I do not doubt that you are an attractive woman, but no one can expect to attract every
man alive. Men‘s tastes in women range wildly, and what makes one guy
go crazy does nothing for anohter. Do not take his rejection personally
at all. It‘s a shame that he‘s such a shallow man that he won‘t even
let the emotional and mental attraction that you two had blossom into
something more. It is no mystery that having an intellectual attraction
to someone will then lead to a physical attraction as well. The reason
this happens more acutely with women versus men is because men simply
don‘t give the opportunity a chance. Instead, they simply judge women
far too quickly by some ridiculous intial physical reaction. Don‘t feel
bad about this at all, you dodged a bullet here. This guy is not the
kind of guy you would want to end up with anyhow. You want the guy who
is willing to give the emotional side a chance, because those are the
only relationships that have any shot at surviving.
|
|
| Topic: Testosterone Ups Home Field Advantage
|
| Subject: Testosterone Ups Home Field Advantage - Posted: 7/8/2006 6:00:46 PM
|
We‘ve known about the increase of testosterone levels (and subsequent
maintanence of that high in the winning side) for years now. This home
field stuff is most interesting--though it makes perfect sense.
I guess that explains why Germany was able to get to 3rd place this
time and why France won in ‘98. Both of these results were
unexpected...but I guess if there are over 50,000 screaming fans, it
does something to the brain. Hehe, who‘d of thought?
;)
|
|
| Topic: What would you write to the person who tries to steal away your love?
|
| Subject: What would you write to the person who tries to steal away your love? - Posted: 7/9/2006 12:36:57 AM
|
| virtousone wrote: | | Now was that wrong for me to email her? Advice please
|
In my opinion, yes, I think it was wrong for you to email her. Though
some may disagree with me, I feel that she is none of your business.
You do not have a relationship with her, you have a relationship with
your partner. Furthermore, you cannot control anyone‘s actions other
than your own. You cannot control the other woman any more than you can
control your partner. What you can do however, is talk to your partner
and discuss how his behavior and actions affect you. At that point, it
is his responsibility to act accordingly. If he does not realize what
he is doing and stop, then the only thing you can do is decide whether you will tolerate his behavior.
Talking to the other woman will do nothing aside from stir up drama and
controversy. At best, it will delay the inevitable, and mask the truth
about your partner. Is that what you want? I‘m not saying you should
run away from the other woman if she tries to contact you (she may want
to apologize, etc), but I don‘t think you should seek her out.
|
|
| Topic: What would you write to the person who tries to steal away your love?
|
| Subject: What would you write to the person who tries to steal away your love? - Posted: 7/9/2006 1:02:26 AM
|
| Orion wrote: | | because it is healing to realise that she is a nice person, and it
really has nothing to do with them, it‘s about sorting it out with the
one you love or loved.
|
Amen. You nailed it exactly on the head. The conflict can only be
resovled between you and your partner, the other woman is not of your
concern. This is precisely the same thing I was commenting on to
virtuousone as well.
|
|
| Topic: need to know
|
| Subject: need to know - Posted: 7/9/2006 4:12:53 PM
|
how come you are calling me an addict all of a sudden. i still have a job, i swear. how did this happen?
It‘s just a label, don‘t worry. You‘ve posted so much that the title
changes. After 10, 50, 100, and 300 posts, the name changes. You go
from new, to regular, lurker, addict, and mofo, respectively.
why don‘t you have a reply key at the bottom of the page? where is the cancel key?
No idea, the reply is only at the top of the page. There is no
cancel button. You can, however, delete a post that you have made.
how can i get pictures into my posts?
In the post page, there is a little button to the right of the B I U and alignment section. Click on this and link to an image and then you can put it in your posts.
where do dbuck, and surfer and the rest of the ladies find the great videos and pictures?
Google is your friend.
can anyone tell me why this web site is the slowest loading on the planet?
Not certain, but I‘d guess it has something to do with the fact that
it‘s running Win 2k3 server (sorry admins ;P). Kidding aside
though, it‘s most likely because there just isn‘t enough bandwidth to
go around.
is it against the rules if i want to change my name?
No, of course not. You are more than welcome to change your name.
However, be aware that if you change your nickname, your name on the
boards will also change, so your old posts will have your new name. If
you want to post so that there is no connection to your old posts, then
you need to make a new name, not change it.
|
|
| Topic: Need some Advice on Getting over it
|
| Subject: Need some Advice on Getting over it - Posted: 7/11/2006 2:46:54 PM
|
| SDT wrote: | |
Ok been 3 days since I found out and we broke up but the pain is still there |
Give yourself a little more credit here, it‘s only been three days. You need more time than that to get over a breakup. People aren‘t made of rubber, we‘re not designed to bounce right back up. It‘s ok to take some time and get your feelings in check. You will get over him, and your heart will break away, just give it more time. You‘ll be just fine.
|
|
| Topic: If he loves me why did he do it?
|
| Subject: If he loves me why did he do it? - Posted: 7/11/2006 3:09:41 PM
|
| Don‘t waste your time or your money. He‘s just playing you. You‘re 20 and far too young to get married now. Dump this cheater and move on. There will be plenty of other men to choose from. Find one that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
|
|
| Topic: Verbal abuse?
|
| Subject: Verbal abuse? - Posted: 7/11/2006 3:36:04 PM
|
Wow, Anna. I barely know what to say. He is verbally, emotionally, and sexually (by witholding sex and by guilting you into it) abusing you. He has no respect for you whatsoever, and it is terrible. I know you have said that you want to stay together for the little one, but this will be a very poisionous environment for her to grow up in.
What kind of example are you setting for your daughter if you raise her in an environment where she sees that it‘s ok for a wife to be constantly abused? What message does that send to her? She may grow up to believe that it‘s ok to be treated that way. Is that what you want?
One thing is certain, something has to change. Don‘t believe any of his BS about him winning custody, that‘s not true. You are the primary caretaker of the child. You pay for her kindergarten. He doesn‘t do anywhere near the same. If you divorce, you will win custody. As a graduate student, you are employed and can take care of a dependant. Don‘t believe his lies. Take him to counseling. He needs it. He has to change, otherwise you must take your daughter and leave him.
|
|
| Topic: My boyfriend cheated on me but can this work?
|
| Subject: My boyfriend cheated on me but can this work? - Posted: 7/12/2006 12:51:02 AM
|
| jthi23 wrote: | | Aside from his cheating on me, he is almost my soul mate. |
That‘s
a pretty big exception, don‘t you think? ToW is, naturally, right. When
you said two months in, did you mean two months from the day you first
went out with him, or two months from the day you two said we‘re going
to be in a committed relationship? It may seem obvious to you, but to a
guy, he may find nothing wrong with seeing, dating, and screwing
multiple women concurrently. I would think carefully over the status of
your "relationship" at that time and ask him about his mindset. If he
claims that he was fully committed to you during that time, then dump
him like a bag of rocks. If, however, he admits that you were just a
girl he was dating at the time, and she was another one he was dating
(and happenned to be sleeping with as well) then you have far less to
be concerned about.
In either case, you have to talk to him.
Communicate with him about your feelings, and don‘t accuse him just
yet. Find out what‘s going on in his head and help him to see yours
as well. If he truly cares about you, he will do everything he can to
set your mind at ease and prove his loyalty to you. Anything short of
that indicates he could care less for your thoughts and feelings.
|
|
| Topic: children
|
| Subject: children - Posted: 7/13/2006 3:23:43 PM
|
| ThatGirlEmily wrote: | | No kids yet but I think my husband will be ready soon ;) |
He will be ready soon?! You do realize that it‘s going to be increasingly difficult for you to have any children if you wait any longer. 35 is already a heavy endpoint, you really should be working at it now if you want any kids, ever. Tell him that, today. If he ever wants kids, then this is the time to act. Complications and birth defects become exponentially more probable for every year after 35 that you wait. I‘m not meaning to scare you, but you should not be waiting or hesitating any longer. Put the pressure on him and get a move on!
|
|
| Topic: children
|
| Subject: children - Posted: 7/13/2006 3:24:25 PM
|
| ThatGirlEmily wrote: | |
Hi there. My name‘s Emily and this is my first time posting. I‘m not really sure if I should even be here because my husband and I have been happily married for 7 years. But I decided after reading about all of your lives, I‘d feel like a borderline stalker if I didn‘t share my own life with you. I only hope I don‘t begin missing my pilates class - I‘m trying to stay healthy these days! I‘m 35 years-old (but I usually pass for 29), and I live in New Jersey with my husband and our Jack Russell. No kids yet but I think my husband will be ready soon ;) Any advice you can give to help me move him along?
|
I figured I‘d copy the entire text since it was difficult to see in the first place.
|
|
| Topic: hackers
|
| Subject: hackers - Posted: 7/14/2006 11:42:30 AM
|
LMW, I‘m sorry, but there is no excuse for what has happened the last
couple days. This is entirely the result of neglect on you and/or the
admins of this site. I saw the front page last night and read through
their little rant. I smirked when they explained how it was that they
broke into their site. I thought they were just lying and using scare
tactics to make people leave the site. Boy was I wrong...
Before I go into more details, let me clarify about the idiots we‘re
dealing with. These are little Norweigan kids (yes, kids....mostly
12-17) that aren‘t hackers at all. They‘re little script kiddies that
barely know anything about the systems they‘re playing with. Their
group is not warez, that is what they do. They pirate software, movies,
and music and redistribute it. I‘m sure they have some stupid name, but
that‘s not important. The one
thing that is certain however, is that they are persistent and
brainless. They are not going to let this go. You‘ll see the reason why
I say this later.
Last night, when I saw what had happened, I
poked around myself and made a wild guess based on the information they
provided, and to my utter horror,
these Norweigan punks were right. The site is completely open!
Completely, as in, with one stroke, any random person could wipe out
the site entirely. They also weren‘t kidding about the 130MB credit
card database files either. Thankfully, these database files have been
removed now, but the damage has already been done. This is
unacceptable. A two-cent script kiddie could have, and did, blow this
entire site off the net! What on earth is going on here? The
administration has left an enormous gaping hole right into the heart of
the website. There is no excuse for something like this. There were
people‘s personal infomation here, open for anyone to take: names,
addresses, telephone numbers, and credit card numbers!
If anyone reading this has ever bought anything off this site,
immediately call the apprporiate credit card company and have them
cancel your card and issue you a new one. These numbers have all been
stolen and will be used for fraud. I guarantee it. Tell your friends
that have used this site as well. I know these little script kiddie
types, they‘re gonna go on a little rampage with all these
numbers...sigh.
There is no excuse for this. LMW, webmasters,
get on this NOW! I cannot be a part of a site that has such ridiculous
security problems. I demand this problem be fixed immediately. Last
night, I restored the front page to its original content, but then
within an hour, some other individual came in and wiped out the site. I
still do have their comments, should you want to see it. I can tell you
what is open and how to fix it, but naturally, I‘m not going to post it
here. If you don‘t know what they did or how to fix it, please send me
an intra-site message and I will explain it to you. This was not a hack
in the least bit. These little script kiddies didn‘t break into anything, they just walked through the open front
door and changed things. I just checked right now, and as of the time
of this post, the problem still exists. Close the hole, PLEASE!
|
|
| Topic: hackers
|
| Subject: hackers - Posted: 7/14/2006 12:09:37 PM
|
| slappysquirrel wrote: | | Concerning their comments, do you mean on pseudo-hacking or misogyny? |
I
have a copy of everything they posted/modified last night. It‘s not
pertinent to the general members of this site, you‘ve all heard the
negative things they had to say from other trolls here. I have a
copy of what they posted in case the adminstration would like to look
at it.
|
|
| Topic: Too tired for booty!
|
| Subject: Too tired for booty! - Posted: 7/14/2006 4:37:17 PM
|
| dbuck wrote: | | Any ideas on how to get a overworked man to relax?
|
Have you tried talking to him about this directly? Don‘t hint aroud at
things like vacations, or trying to get him in the mood. Tell him
outright. I want sex. He may
not realize what he‘s doing. He may be so engrossed in his work that he
sees little else. If that‘s the case, seriously talk to him about how
this level of neglect makes you feel. If he cares for you at all, he
will understand and change things so you are more satisfied. It‘s hard
not to blame us men, but sometimes we just don‘t pick up on the little
(or not so little) hints that you women try to leave.
|
|
| Topic: I‘m A Confused Mess...
|
| Subject: I‘m A Confused Mess... - Posted: 7/16/2006 3:03:27 PM
|
|
Please don‘t laugh at anti for this. It‘s really not her fault. Something went wrong with her computer/posting script and it continually posted after every few words she typed. She wasn‘t doing it on purpose. Now, after 15 posts, it has locked her out and she cannot post for another hour. She told me this in chat and I am posting to clarify what happenned.
|
|
| Topic: crush?
|
| Subject: crush? - Posted: 7/17/2006 1:13:37 AM
|
Whooo...what a jumbled mess, hehe.
Ok, first off, there is nothing wrong with a younger guy, assuming, of course, that he is not way younger. If it‘s only a few years, no big deal. If he‘s twenty years your junior...ehh, not such a good idea.
Regarding the "crush" idea, there is nothing wrong with maintaining a crush. There is no book of dating (though most of the time I wish there was) that states that you have to tell your crush (or others) that you like him. You are more than welcome to keep this a complete secret, known only to you and not a soul else.
However, I would like to ask if this is more than just a crush. It certainly seems like you are attracted to him. A girl doesn‘t go through the trouble of wearing "nice undies/bra" for a mere crush, hehe. There‘s definitely something stirring between the two of you, don‘t try to brush it off as a mere "crush."
Whether it is ok for you to get involved with him is something you will have to decide. I have no idea where the phone sex idea came from, but it‘s a bad one. Stay far away from that for now. You said you do not want to get married, is that a permenant decision? If you know for certain that you will not marry again, then what would be the extent of your relationship with this guy (assuming you want a relationship, that is)? Are you just looking for some fun, or something a little more serious? If it is just fun, then it might be smarter to look for someone outside of work. Flings at work have a way of getting messy and drama is never welcome. However, if you are looking for a relationship, and see him as a long-term kind of guy, then by all means, go for it. I would just encourage you to be open and fair with him about your intentions if you are not looking for anything serious. Naturally, you don‘t have to reveal that to him on day one, but it would be best to do so before he falls too hard for you.
Regarding your question about how cheaters feel, you are poking into a world that is very confusing and complicated. Men are motivated to cheat by many different reasons, and it will vary from man to man. Is the reason you listed one of them? Yes, of course. Some men cheat because they get wrapped up in the idea of a new person and a new way of life. Others cheat simply for the sexual satisfaction and the thrill of the chase. Others cheat because they are evil and malicious. You can‘t hand pick one reason and say "this is why men cheat," because it really is not possible. Don‘t try to analyze why your ex cheated on you. It will drive you crazy and produce little yield. Simply unnderstand that he cheated on you and by doing so, he spat in your face and tossed aside your trust. He deserves none of your thoughts and concerns any longer. Every moment you spend contemplating it now is just a waste of your life. He is what he is and you will likely never understand him. Don‘t bother trying and look to your future.
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|
| Topic: life after infedelity
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| Subject: life after infedelity - Posted: 7/18/2006 3:17:11 AM
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| sleepingbeauty wrote: | | So, my question is, can men have sex just to be satisfied, and not necessarily to be loved?
|
Yes, of course, men do it all the time. Why do you think porn, strip
clubs, and prositutes exist and thrive? Men crave sex, it‘s a basic
need that is often manifest very strongly in men. The reason for this
has been debated among biological and psychological circles for
hundreds of years, but the current theory tends to agree it is
favorable for species propagation from an evolutionary standpoint.
Given that idea, then yes, men can have sex just to satisfy that
primitive, carnal need.
I have read your posts, and your previous ones back in January. It was
hard to read your story, the anguish is very present in your words. It
seems you are trying to keep your marriage alive, but this aspect of it
seems to be taking a heavy toll on you. The two of you have very
different sex drives and needs. Though they may change over time, they
currently do not match. He doesn‘t seem to be too terribly intimate,
and as a result you feel used solely for his gratification. In your
relationship, sex has lost its place as an act to strengthen and prove
your love, but is instead a "duty" that you perform. You need to have a
serious talk with him about your needs and wants, as well as his. You
must find some compromise, some middle-ground where both of you will be
happy. Your marriage will heal very slowly (if at all) if you continue
at this pace. It may even fall apart again if you do not change the
direction you two are moving in.
In your posts back in January, you said that he was very intimate and
loving to you. Is he still that way, or was that just a front to win
your trust back? Read over your posts from back then and compare his
behavior then to now. These will give you a good indication of his true
feelings towards you. If all he ever wants is sex, then you need to
tell him that the two of you must work together to make it enjoyable
for you as well. What would he say if you told him you view sex with
him as a sacrifice? You said he cries when you tell him your true
feelings, but those are the ones he must
know. How can you ever hope to have a successful marriage if the two of
you are not completely open and honest with each other. If you cannot
manage this on your own, then I agree with TOW. If all other avenues
are exhausted, and you are still committed to the marriage, then seek
counseling.
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|
| Topic: Boyfriend calling ex-girlfriend
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| Subject: Boyfriend calling ex-girlfriend - Posted: 7/18/2006 3:26:00 AM
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| 14Life2 wrote: | He didn‘t call her often though, like once every couple of months. Do you guys think its normal?
|
You‘re kidding, right? You‘re worried about one call every couple months? Unless he‘s given you some serious reasons
to doubt his fidelity, then you‘re absolutely crazy. Do you know the
dynamics of their relationship well? Do you know the conditions on
which they broke up? Not every relationship ends in disaster. Maybe
they just drifted apart but still keep in contact with each other. This
is a serious possibility.
Likewise, it is also possible that
he still has the hots for her and would like to jump in her pants at
the first chance he gets. After all, that‘s why he calls her once every
couple months, right? What other possible explanation could there be,
yes? Please, grow up and stop being so insecure.
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|
| Topic: why do i stay with him?
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| Subject: why do i stay with him? - Posted: 7/18/2006 12:22:13 PM
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| 2lostsouls wrote: | | Why do i keep taking him back? Because of important personal reasons... |
Where can you start? How about by telling us these "important personal reasons" that are so important that they‘re worth your sufferring and misery. I can‘t speak for you or for others, but there is next to nothing that is so important that I would be willing to suffer like you are describing and continue to take back a cheating partner.
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|
| Topic: Boyfriend calling ex-girlfriend
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| Subject: Boyfriend calling ex-girlfriend - Posted: 7/18/2006 12:50:31 PM
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I apologize for the harsh reply. You definitely do have a reason to worry about him. I take back what I said about your sanity. He has given you many reasons to doubt his fidelity, and frankly, I‘m amazed that a woman of your intelligence and reasoning ability still falls for his lies.
You want honesty, openness, communication, and understanding. These are the basic traits necessary for a healthy relationship. Instead, he is secretive, private, and very closed off. He doesn‘t want you to get near him. He is holding you at an arm‘s distance. Why? Likely because he is scared you won‘t hang around if you see the real him. He has no excuse for letting that little tramp message him constantly. Why did you even tolerate it? Demand better treatment and open communication. How can you expect to have a successful relationship if he is not honest with you? Think carefully of how you want your relationship to be and talk to him about it. If he won‘t budge, then walk away, he doesn‘t care for you and is just wasting your time.
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|
| Topic: crush?
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| Subject: crush? - Posted: 7/18/2006 11:03:20 PM
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| Whoa whoa...you‘re still married? Stop the presses! This changes everything I had said earlier, I had no idea. I agree with BMW. Just wait. This is a very, very bad idea. Just tell him that you‘re most flattered, but you can‘t, you‘re still married. I don‘t know how long you should wait until after the divorce, but I know you must wait until you are single. Doing anything else will only bring on a world of problems.
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|
| Topic: Is this out of line???
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| Subject: Is this out of line??? - Posted: 7/19/2006 10:34:54 PM
|
Sorry, but what exactly is the question? Are you asking for ways to
relax? Are you asking for what to make of your boyfriend‘s behavior?
Your thoughts are not clear. Organize them better and ask a question.
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|
| Topic: No good men around...
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| Subject: No good men around... - Posted: 7/21/2006 12:51:50 AM
|
Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. And I do mean exactly. I‘ve been listening to women whine (to me, no less) for years about how there are no decent men around. Some of those women I have been extremely attracted to, but they wouldn‘t consider me for a fleeting moment. They are out chasing the drunk loser that will break their hearts, but what can I do, it‘s their decision. Yes, it hurts to have to listen to them whine, especially when I know I could treat them so much better, however, that does not make me give up on women.
You‘re in the same situation as I. Most women my age (and to an even larger extent, your age....yes there is a huge difference between an 18 year old girl and a 20 year old one) aren‘t interested in nice, caring guys. They may claim they are. They may claim that they want a guy that will treat them with respect, etc, but it‘s all bs. What most women my age want is the loud, annoying, arrogant, fratboy-like prick who treats them like utter dirt, abuses them, mocks them, and objectifies them as purely sexual objects. How am I sure of this? Because the frat houses are always overflowing with girls behaving in ways I thought were unimaginable. I saw it week after week for four years straight, there is no question about it. Why they are attracted to this is beyond me, but they are. Fine. So be it. If that‘s what the majority of women want, they can have it. I won‘t cross that line just to get them. Despite their behavior, I have too much respect for women to treat them like that. Furthermore, that‘s not the kind of woman I want.
Am I therefore justified in being a mysoginist? Am I right in assuming any random woman I bump into is after a man like that? No, of course not. Chances are that they may be, but so what? You can‘t hold an entire gender accountable for the mistakes of some. You, of all people, should realize the fallacy of what you are saying. It is ridiculously hypocritical to say such things. You criticise women for claiming that there are no decent men around, but you are doing precisely the same thing: claiming that there are no decent women around.
Furthermore, let me take this one step further. You claim that your girlfriend is one-of-a-kind. Now, I do not question that she is a great girl, because I‘m sure she is. But really now, do you honestly think you‘ve found the only girl like that on earth? Face it, there are other women like your girlfriend out there. The fact that one exists, and you found her, is mathematical proof (to a statistical certainty) that there are others like her. Granted, she may be very rare, an exception, and in the vast minority of women, but, that does not make her the only one of her kind. There are decent women out there, the world just isn‘t overflowing with them. Think about that carefully before you go lopping off your nuts. Decent guys are hard enough to come by, the world doesn‘t need any of them to be evolutionary dead ends.
Just as there are few decent men around, similarly, there are few decent women around.
|
|
| Topic: My Crazy Life
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| Subject: My Crazy Life - Posted: 7/21/2006 1:34:19 AM
|
Sorry, but am I the only one that thinks dag‘s overreacting? I mean, really now...you found a crippled poisonous spider in your home. What real threat does that even pose to you? Given that it is not native to Ohio, it probably got here by riding in a trucker‘s trailer or something, so there probably aren‘t many others around. Why fuss? It was nearly dead anyhow and couldn‘t have injured you.
Southern California is crawling with similarly poisonous black widows. I just killed one yesterday when I was washing my car. Sure, they‘re deadly, but spiders aren‘t typically aggressive and rarely bite. Furthermore, we have anti-venom now that can counteract the poison, so it‘s not a huge deal.
It really did make me laugh though. It‘s ridiculous to think that you could be so shook up by such a non-issue. This really isn‘t the kind of thing that throws your life in the "crazy" category, or makes you thank your lucky stars that you tripped over and recognized the spider.
Just to put this in perspective, I did a little digging on the extent of spider-related problems. The link I‘m referring to is here: http://www.marion.ohio-state.edu/spiderweb/Spider%20Bites.htm
According to that study, there are only 5000 cases of serious spider bites reported in a year. That puts you at a whopping 0.0018% chance of having a serious spider bite in a given year. Statistically, that gives you at a 1.45% chance of ever having a serious spider bite in your life (assuming that the population is 275 million and you live 80 years).
What‘s even more surprising is that during that four-year study, there were no spider related deaths in the US. None! What then does that say about the risk of death by spider bite? Really now, put things into perspective. You should not be flipping out about this. From a practical (proabailistic) standpoint, you should be more terrified of your neighbor‘s dog than the spiders (poisonous or not) in your home.
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|
| Topic: Is this out of line???
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| Subject: Is this out of line??? - Posted: 7/21/2006 1:48:05 AM
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| Red Angel wrote: | | The question is "what to think of the boyfriend behavior"
|
Um, I wasn‘t judging you. I‘m sorry if you took offense to what I said, but I didn‘t mean it in an offensive manner.
I think your boyfriend is behaving quite honorably. He wants you to enjoy sex as much as he does. He doesn‘t understand how complicated it is and how difficult it may be for you to relax, so explain it to him so both of you can make progress. I don‘t think his behavior is something to worry about. In fact, it sounds almost ideal.
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|
| Topic: crush?
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| Subject: crush? - Posted: 7/21/2006 1:54:08 AM
|
lorrie, you asked for my comment and I will give it to you. I really think you need to stay away from this young guy who is interested in you. It may be nice and flatterring, but now is not the time. Getting involved with him could spell ruin for your divorce. Your husband may use it as evidence to support taking more of the assets, or in a worst-case scenario, your daughter away.
You don‘t want something like this to happen, or even risk the chance. Just keep away until your divorce is final and you are holding the papers proving that you are single once again. I don‘t care if you feel like you are no longer married, that does not matter. The law is the law, and by law, you are still married. Do not go chasing after another man while you are still legally married. It will only spell disaster.
As far as your husband goes, just let him go. He‘s playing mind games with you and you just need to let him be. Finish off the divorce as quickly as possible and move on with your life. You are clearly more than anxious to start living it, so take the steps necessary to expediate that cause.
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|
| Topic: Cell question
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| Subject: Cell question - Posted: 7/21/2006 10:37:59 AM
|
Nope, not without a court order, subpoena, notice of cease and decist, restraining order, etc. In fact, if the CID (callerid) doesn‘t show up on your phone when the call is coming in, the phone company may not even have a record of who called. Not all phone companies keep extensive track of the incoming ANI (automatic number identification) numbers either.
This is all a complicated way of saying no, you can‘t get them to tell you because 1) you don‘t have the authority to get that information, and 2) they probably don‘t have logs of it anyhow.
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|
| Topic: crush?
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| Subject: crush? - Posted: 7/21/2006 4:54:18 PM
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| lorrie wrote: | | and now even tho he left me over the phone after all those years with all the money i can not even lay down with a nice crush? |
That‘s right. You can‘t, not unless you too want to be labelled a whore. No one said the road of virtue would be an easy one to walk, but it is the right path to follow. In whatever sham sense of the word it exists, you are married, for now. Get the divorce finalized and then you will be free to lay down with whatever crush you want.
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|
| Topic: crush?
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| Subject: crush? - Posted: 7/21/2006 11:57:15 PM
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| DaGuru wrote: | | But really.... she has cut ties from this man emotionally, spiritually, AND physically. The only thing left is the "legal" ties. Who cares what papers are getting shuffled back and forth by people getting rich off of their misery? |
I‘m sorry, I don‘t understand this. This sounds like a very dangerous position to take. Effectively, you‘re saying that since her husband (which, legally, he still is) has left her, and she has accepted that fact (cut ties, etc), it justifies her to cheat as well?
I can‘t agree with this, under any circumstance. If I allow this, then I also allow an entire range of similar cirumstances where one partner is justified to cheat simply because the other cheated and deserted him/her.
It may just be a slip of paper. It may just be a legal preceeding, but it is an oath and a promise. He may not honor his promise, but she still should. I don‘t care if another person spits in my face and goes back on his word to me, it will never justify going back on my word. If you do otherwise, you fall to their level.
I‘m sticking by what I said. I really think the right thing to do would be to wait until the divorce is final.
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|
| Topic: Not sure what to think
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| Subject: Not sure what to think - Posted: 7/22/2006 11:21:05 AM
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| It definitely sounds suspicious, but it could fall either way. Your gut however, is rarely wrong. Tell us more. Has he given you any other reason to doubt him? Has he done things like this in the past? If both are no, then why not just ask him. Tell him that you feel he‘s been acting differently lately and ask if anything is wrong. The unfortunate thing is that unless you want to pry (call the number), then you have to wait for him to be willing to talk about it.
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|
| Topic: crush?
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| Subject: crush? - Posted: 7/22/2006 1:31:43 PM
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| DaGuru wrote: | Now at this point wouldn‘t you agree that a woman that has literally decades of time invested in this relationship (and had kids with this person) is suffering a hurt far greater than that 20 year old who hasn‘t shared the history with their partner like she has. Why should Lorrie be further penalized by "waiting" to go on with her life...when she is probably suffering so much more than the 20 year old? |
It‘s not a matter of being penalized. In fact, it‘s entirely the opposite. For the very reason that she‘s been with him for decades, she should wait until the divorce is finalized and things have settled (BMW suggested a year, and that sounds about appropriate) before getting invovled with someone else. It‘s not easy to erase and forget about decades together, how can you expect her to do so while she‘s still legally married?
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|
| Topic: Guy‘s Night(s)
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| Subject: Guy‘s Night(s) - Posted: 7/23/2006 7:32:39 PM
|
There is no answer to the acceptable
number of nights that a married man can go out with his friends.
It will vary from couple to couple. Some wives don‘t tolerate it at
all, and never allow the man to go out (not healthy). Others could care
less, and let him go out every night (also not healthy). What is
important is that both individuals in the relationship understand and
are comfortable with the arrangement.
Clearly,
you have a problem with the number of times he goes out. You did not
say why you had a problem with this. It might be because you would
rather he spend more of his time with you. It might be because you are
worried he will cheat on you. It might be because you feel neglected
and left at home while he is out having a good time. Whatever the
reason, you are not happy with the situation. Have you talked to him
about this? Have you explained how you feel with the frequency of times
he goes out with his friends?
It appears that he likes to
spend time with you, as you have mentioned that he spends his one day
off with you (both day and night). Perhaps I don‘t understand the
situation entirely. Explain more about how often a week he goes out and
what your feelings are.
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|
| Topic: Hey Ladies! I need some advice...
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| Subject: Hey Ladies! I need some advice... - Posted: 7/25/2006 3:10:28 AM
|
It doesn‘t sound like you‘re too happy being one of the many women he‘s
seeing/screwing. I don‘t blame you. Why would anyone settle for that?
You deserve much better. He‘s already proven that he doesn‘t respect
you, but then honestly, you haven‘t respected yourself enough to earn
his respect.
It‘s unlikely things will change. You can try talking to him and
radically shifting the direction of your relationship, but I doubt he
will stick to it. You shouldn‘t stay with him simply to have a
boyfriend. If you feel you deserve better (which you and I both know
you do) then get rid of him and look elsewhere.
Just to clue you in, he‘s lying through his teeth. No guy like him just
"keeps" numbers unless he‘s also keeping them around as bed buddies as
well. Wake up to his lies and demand better.
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|
| Topic: Why didn‘t I keep my mouth shut
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| Subject: Why didn‘t I keep my mouth shut - Posted: 7/25/2006 3:27:36 AM
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| sherilynn wrote: | | I
didn‘t think I did too bad. I know it‘s just a way to undermine
me when he says negative things about my business. It‘s the fact
that he feels he needs to resort to digs. |
Most people would kill to have done half as much. You have done amazingly well. Don‘t ever believe his BS anymore.
He‘s a kid. An insecure little child that never grew up. Sounds like
the kind that was neglected by his family as a boy, so he sought
acceptance and purpose by bullying others. I guess this is what the
jerks of the playground become when they get older (note: I said get
older, not grow up...he never did that). He‘s so weak and afraid by
himself that he‘s developed this incredibly intimidating persona and
constantly degraded you to keep the image afloat.
Don‘t take
anymore of his bullying. You‘re much stronger than he is, so just stand
up to him through this last little stretch. Keep your cool as best you
can, he‘ll feed off any escape of emotion from you. Show him you‘re not
scared of him anymore and won‘t take it from him any longer. When he
sees that you‘re serious, he‘ll crumble like the pathetic, hollow,
shell of a man that he is.
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|
| Topic: Guy‘s Night(s)
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| Subject: Guy‘s Night(s) - Posted: 7/25/2006 4:04:51 AM
|
I read through your posts, and I think I know what‘s going through his
head. You said he‘s done great adjusting to married life, but there‘s
one thing men have a hard time letting go of: guy friends.
He probably won‘t admit this easily to you, but he‘s having trouble
letting go of them. He feels that this weekly evening out (and believe
me, in his head, it has to be
weekly) is his last foothold with his friends. You may ask, why must it
be weekly? Simple, because that way it‘s part of his routine. You
mentioned a key word earlier in one of your posts that I don‘t think
you understood the implication of fully: "plan our social schedule." In
his mind, unless his friends and this evening out aren‘t part of his weekly
schedule, then he feels that he‘s going to lose touch with them and he
will drift into the abyss of isolation as a social outcast. You may
laugh at this, but I can assure you this is what he‘s afraid of.
My guess is that he already feels he‘s sacrificing enough by only going
out once a week with them, and that you should be happy that he‘s
willing to do this much. It may be difficult to get him to talk, but
you need to speak with him. Talk to him about his fears of losing his
friends and assure him that he won‘t lose them if he cuts back to only
once or twice a month. His friends care about him as much as he cares
for them. They‘re not going to leave him just because he can‘t go out
with them that much anymore.
I know this is a generalization, but it will likely help shed some
light on the reason for his behavior. Basically, it boils down to the
way men make and keep their friends. Men do this by experience: going
out, playing sports, fishing, watching tv together, etc. I know it
sounds horribly cliche, but it‘s true. This is the main way men build
and maintain rapports. Whereas you can just call one of your female
friends and talk for hours, most men can‘t do that. It just doesn‘t
work that way. He thus feels afraid that without these continued
experiences (whose occurrance he is assuring by these weekly outings),
he will lose his friends.
What you need to do is show him that he will not lose his friends if he
tones things down a little, and that he must also take your feelings
into consideration in his actions now that he is married.
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|
| Topic: I need help everyone but I think my bf is cheating on me
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| Subject: I need help everyone but I think my bf is cheating on me - Posted: 7/25/2006 4:18:26 AM
|
It almost killed me to read your post. Every "point" you made, in both
columns made me cringe. He‘s lying to you, straight to your face. He
has been cheating on you. He has been seeing other women before you,
and while he has been with you. You are just another one of his women.
You want to know the biggest giveaway? The fact that he hides you from
his friends. !!! HELLO! What kind of guy keeps his "girlfriend for 11
months" from his friends? You‘re kidding me, right? You‘re not his
girlfriend, you‘re his bang buddy. Wake up to the lies he‘s been
feeding you. Everything you have listed there is a lie or means devised
by him to trick you.
The girl on the phone? ?!! She said "I love you and miss you." Um....do you know any
girls that say that to their "guy friends." He‘s totally screwing her
too....don‘t kid yourself for a moment. You know what worries me? His
response is probably right. All his friends that are girls say that to
him because he is sleeping with them all! Get away from this lying,
cheating scumbag. What kind of perverted man preys on young,
barely-legal teens anyhow? You are in denial. WAKE UP. Everyone else is right. He is cheating on you. You‘re not even really his girlfriend.
|
|
| Topic: AM I LAZY?
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| Subject: AM I LAZY? - Posted: 7/25/2006 4:29:30 AM
|
Hehe....I know I‘m not a woman, but I do want to chime in. You‘re a
lazy b@$t@rd....get off your butt and do some work around the house. Do
you really expect her to do everything for you?
Flush the toilet once in a while for God‘s sake! Or, better yet,
impress her with your manly skills by installing an automatic flusher,
that‘ll surely woo her and get at least a couple items crossed off your
list.
Really now. You‘re married. She‘s your wife, not your mother.
You two are partners, she‘s not your servant. Share the
responsibilities, not just the pleasures. It really doesn‘t take an
incredible amount out of your day to do so. She will appreciate it and love you more for it.
|
|
| Topic: AM I LAZY?
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| Subject: AM I LAZY? - Posted: 7/26/2006 2:22:18 AM
|
| DaGuru wrote: | | Perhaps
you should listen closer to what other men bitch about in regard to
their women or wives. She gained 50 pounds, she spends too much money,
she is too attached to her family, she screwed around on me, she is an
emotional basket case..etc are just some of the LEGITIMATE gripes that
many men have. Really dude, how bad do you have it? |
Um....dag,
didn‘t you just spend a page or so in your previous post verbosely
expositing why it is irrelevant what others think or how bad others
have it?
The ONLY thing that does matter is what is making THAT household solid, and keeping peace and serenity in it.
You‘ve done a complete 180 from that point of view just because you‘ve
seen that he‘s a guy. This is quite sexist. Sure, I think he was being
a little deceitful in his manner, but I think his approach was well
taken. This is his view. To
him, the order of the house is important, and if it is a factor in
"keeping peace and serenity in it", then it is an important enough
issue to be addressed. Don‘t be brushing it under the carpet just
because you found out he‘s a guy. I, too, am a guy and I live on my
own. I cook and clean for myself and do a dang good job of it. I would
also be pretty upset if my wife were to completely disregard the basic
cleanliness of the home.
I stand by my previous claim, the
person described by those bullet-points is very lazy and needs to shape
up. It‘s not a matter of being a neat-freak, it‘s basic cleanliness.
Remember dag, you yourself conceded that points 6 and 8 need to be
worked on, and you acknowledged the fault of several others. Don‘t be
backpeddling now that you found out it‘s a guy complaining about his
wife.
averagejoe, I think you do need to have a talk with your
wife about how much this bothers you, and the inequality of the work
load. You may have to come to a compromise, e.g. she‘ll flush the
toilet but be allowed to throw her clothes on a pile on the floor. That
was just an example, but you get the idea. Push for a little more than
polite suggestions and address the issue as an issue. Don‘t downplay it
any longer.
|
|
| Topic: Abused Women and the Men who love them
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| Subject: Abused Women and the Men who love them - Posted: 7/26/2006 2:48:06 AM
|
| terabyte25 wrote: | | So how do truly good guys handle dating a woman who‘s been through the wringer? |
tera,
this is an incredibly difficult subject for most men. It‘s not
something most can easily relate to, and they often feel accused simply
because they are male. As a result, they tend to ignore it completely
and are unable to talk about it because they simply cannot relate and
are terrified to even go there.
I personally have not dated
any women that were the victims of physical abuse, but I have several
very close friends that have been victims. It was incredibly hard to
get close to them emotionally because they were scared and closed off.
Even though I was not dating these girls, they would jump at the
slightest touch or bump, even those that were completely accidental.
They would refuse hugs and essentially wanted no contact.
As a
friend, that is difficult to deal with, but the key is patience and
understanding. I was not like most other male friends they had. I would
not shy away from their sufferring, and I would keep my distance when I
learned of their fears of physical contact. With patience though, they
saw I meant them no harm and that I was willing to listen. In time,
they lowered their shield and no longer shyed away from touch. They
would initiate contact, hugs, etc. It was not an easy hurdle for them,
but they got there, at their own pace.
The crucial thing is
patience. I can‘t stress it enough. The guy, regardless of how
blameless he may be, is feared in the woman‘s mind as a potential
abuser. It‘s conditioning. She‘s learned to fear men. Unlearning that
process takes a lot of time. If the guy is willing to wait for her,
then he must have boundless patience and never
pressure her for any physical contact. No holding hands, no hugs, no
embraces, no kissing, nothing. He must leave everything for her to
initiate and give the green light for. He has to realize that this is a
healing process for her and that she will take it at her own pace. No
woman wants to remain conditioned to fear men, but it takes time to
unlearn that.
It sounds like an impossibility, but I
personally know of men that have done precisely that. A couple of my
good friends were fortunate enough to trip over guys that had such
boundless patience that they have helped them recover almost completely
from their past.
|
|
| Topic: Is he CHEATING? Please help me. Need advice and supprt.
|
| Subject: Is he CHEATING? Please help me. Need advice and supprt. - Posted: 7/26/2006 2:59:04 AM
|
I think you need to take a deep breath, relax, and reread all your
posts. You‘re totally obsessed. Stop trying to plot and calculate every
move of your life and your relationship. Let things flow for a change.
You don‘t have to be so calculating and try to be a little more
trusting. He seems like a decent guy, so give him the benefit of the
doubt for a while. Just ease off and let things flow. You‘re going to
drive yourself nuts otherwise and also drive a huge, likely
irrepairable, gulf between the two of you if you don‘t just ease off a
bit.
|
|
| Topic: Free Web Service Tricked my Cheating Spouse
|
| Subject: Free Web Service Tricked my Cheating Spouse - Posted: 7/30/2006 12:40:46 PM
|
| PainButHealing wrote: | | Ohhhh, I‘m so mad at him. This site worked for me and I hope it does for you, good luck!
|
Why does this sound like an attempt at covert advertising? A woman who
discovered her husband was cheating on her with potentially three other
women would say more than just "I‘m so mad at him." Please, don‘t try
to take advantage of the women here.
Seeing as how we‘re tossing around ads at whim, I‘ll throw in my
opinion as well. If your relationship with your spouse has gotten to
the point where you have to lie
to him to test his fidelity, then you have far greater trust issues to
deal with. If you‘ve lost trust in him, you need to confront him about
it and discuss it, not sneak around underhandedly and gather evidence.
Imagine if he did something like that to you, how would you feel? It‘s
on par with betrayal and shows lack of respect. But that‘s just my
opinion. Heck, what do I know? I‘m just a kid.
|
|
| Topic: Husband says their just friends
|
| Subject: Husband says their just friends - Posted: 7/30/2006 12:55:17 PM
|
| ladybefine but heart broken wrote: | |
If he Loved me as much as he said he did the S--- would stop. |
Amen. You‘ve woken up to the lies. You are completely right. If he
truly loved you, this bs would never be happenning. Don‘t ever fall for
any of his lies anymore. Take control of your life and do what you feel
is necessary for your happiness.
I applaud your son for being so mature about things. I disagree with what you said, your son is nothing like your husband. Your son seems like a very honorable man and you should be very proud of him.
Congratulations again on seeing things as they truly are. If all women
were as quick to realize the truth as you, there would be far less
infidelity around. Keep us posted with your progress. We will be here
to help.
|
|
| Topic: Between a Rock and a Hard Place
|
| Subject: Between a Rock and a Hard Place - Posted: 7/30/2006 1:14:19 PM
|
I hate to say this, but you‘re trying to cling to something that is no
longer there. It‘s over. He‘s said it‘s over, he doesn‘t love you. I
would give up on counseling, you can‘t make someone love you. I
understand that you still love him, but ask yourself, do you want to
stay in a relationship where there is unreciprocated love? It sounds
like torture. As much as it may hurt to let him go, you must. It will
only hurt more if you try (and fail) to keep this relationship together.
|
|
| Topic: Would this work
|
| Subject: Would this work - Posted: 7/30/2006 1:21:22 PM
|
I have another suggestion for you. Why are you convinced that you need
proof? Your intuition should be enough proof for you. Have you talked
to him about the way you feel? If he doesn‘t trip over himself in
trying to prove that your fears are unfounded and does everything in
his power to assure you that he, indeed, is not cheating, then that will be all the proof you need.
If he doesn‘t respect your fears enough to quiet them and reassure you
of his dedication to you, then he doesn‘t love you and could care less
what you think. If that is the case, then does it even matter if he is
cheating on you? Loyal or not, I would never want to stay in a
relationship like that.
|
|
| Topic: PFA Home Eviction
|
| Subject: PFA Home Eviction - Posted: 7/30/2006 1:31:25 PM
|
| Don‘t be in any rush to get out. The court granted you a year, and you
have that time. Do be looking for a place to move into, but don‘t feel
like it is the end of the world if you don‘t get out in the next few
months. Stay on top of things, and keep looking, but you have till the
end of April. Take your time and make the best decision. Your choices
affect not only your life, but your children‘s lives as well. You have
an obligation to them first, and to him later. Don‘t let him scare you into making the wrong decision.
|
|
| Topic: Herpes and Oral Sex Survey Question
|
| Subject: Herpes and Oral Sex Survey Question - Posted: 7/31/2006 12:09:40 AM
|
I guess it‘s time for a quick lesson.
There are two types of herpes viruses. Herpes simplex virus type 1 and type 2 (HSV1 and HSV2). Despite social biases, both are nearly identical viruses. Their main difference is in their respective location preference for infection. Now, primarily, HSV1 is found on the mouth. This is the virus that is referred to as "cold sores," "fever blisters," etc. It has its most frequent outbreaks on the mouth. HSV2 is the one found primarily in the genital region. It is kind that most people refer to as genital herpes, or, most of the time, just plain herpes.
Now, to complicate things, both strains can find themselves infecting the other‘s primary infection site. That is, HSV1 can infect the genitals, and HSV2 can infect the mouth. This cross-location infection is not as common, but it can and does happen. Not surprisingly, the cross-location infection occurs primarily through oral sex. The traditional means of HSV1 transmission is through kissing. Likewise, the traditional means of HSV2 transmission is through sex. Since HSV1 is transmitted through kssing, it has become so widespread that approximately 40% of the US population has it. Most people who have HSV1 get it as children, when they are kissed on the cheek by a relative.
Ok, now that that has been addressed, the original poster‘s issue can be discussed. This is somewhat of a surprising situation, because you said you were diagnosed with "cold sores." That is HSV1. If you got this from giving him a blowjob, then he has HSV1 on his genitals. It‘s not very likely, but it is possible. The more likely scenario is that he has HSV1 on his mouth, and you got it from kissing him. Either way, it doesn‘t make much difference. It is, however, always good to be informed.
|
|
| Topic: Herpes and Oral Sex Survey Question
|
| Subject: Herpes and Oral Sex Survey Question - Posted: 7/31/2006 12:26:27 AM
|
| sonora wrote: | | After I was diagnosed, I contacted him and he then admitted but said he hadn‘t had an outbreak in years. (so I could not have gotten it from him...)
|
Sorry, I hadn‘t seen your follow up post. I should dispel this myth as well. You can catch herpes (HSV1 or HSV2) even if your partner shows no symptoms of an outbreak. Viral shedding (making your partner contagious) can occur even with no blisters or sores present. This is a common misconception and can lead to a false sense of security. If your partner has herpes, always use protection, even if there are no visible sores or outbreaks.
|
|
| Topic: He is still lying
|
| Subject: He is still lying - Posted: 7/31/2006 2:09:59 PM
|
| khelweg wrote: | | Unfortunatly, I am in love with him and that is making this very painful for me.
|
Indeed, it has been and will be excruciatingly painful. It will be even worse if you continue to grasp onto a failed relationship, hoping that something is still there. He doesn‘t love you and he doesn‘t respect you. He has the audacity to lie straight to your face about his actions, yet you still think he‘s worth having around? There is no excuse for his behavior. He shows no remorse, no guilt, nothing. He is cold and heartless and could care less about how you feel. Dump him like the trash he is and move on, no one deserves this.
You will fall out of love with him. It only takes so long for unreciprocated love to wane, get a head start on it by leaving him and filing for divorce. You deserve better than this. You will never be able to force him to love or respect you, so give up trying. It‘s not within your control. The only thing you do have control over is your actions, and you need to get away from someone who treats you so poorly.
|
|
| Topic: Okay...what the hell is this stickam pop up?
|
| Subject: Okay...what the hell is this stickam pop up? - Posted: 8/3/2006 8:57:09 PM
|
| Ilikepie wrote: | | Being a programmer for 22 years; I know how to protect my computer. |
Oh
really? So that means you don‘t run IE, and you don‘t run your local
user as an administrator, right? Because those would be the two
conditions upon which spyware can install itself onto your machine. But
if you had the problem experienced in the thread, I‘d guess you weren‘t
doing either of these.
However, that is simply not possible. After all, a programmer with 22 years
of experience has of course worked in a UNIX environment before, and
knows the utility of a multi-user (non-root vs. administrator) model.
Given that knowledge, you would have naturally
setup your windows machine in the same manner, knowing how treacherous
the internet is. What‘s more surprising is that such an experienced
programmer doesn‘t run some *nix herself. How curious.
Am I allowed to call bs yet? ;)
|
|
| Topic: bodies on display
|
| Subject: bodies on display - Posted: 8/3/2006 10:52:54 PM
|
This display was actualy at the LA Science Center a couple years back.
It really made a lot of commotion over here, and, of course, there were
right wing whackos objecting to it because it was too graphic and too
gruesome, blah blah.
Personally, I thought it was an amazing exhibit. I didn‘t get a chance
to see it myself (I think it was around finals‘ week or something), but
it did get a lot of media attention. The models themselves are amazing.
They use body donors and go through this crazy process to create the
models. From what I remember, the process was a lot like natural fossil
petrification, only with plastic. They suck out the liquid stuff
(water, fat, etc) from the body with a vaccum and replace it with
plastic. It‘s quite an amazing mechanism and yields undoubtedly the
most anatomically correct models ever. If you are near the Boston area
and have a chance (and the stomach) I would definitely recommend you go.
|
|
| Topic: I need help!
|
| Subject: I need help! - Posted: 8/3/2006 11:06:40 PM
|
| Omars mommy1 wrote: | I have been married for 10 years and through out the marriage he has cheated.
...
But he still have affairs and he recently left us for someone else just walked out. Now me and my son are devestated. |
Well,
to be perfectly honest, what did you expect? You were married for ten
years and he cheated on you the entire way through? If he was not loyal
to you, why on earth did you think he‘d stay around?
My guess
is that he just ran off to a more comfortable environment. Up until the
point that you were his best option, he hung around. Why did you let
him treat you this way? At least he‘s gone now. File for divorce and
claim everything. You‘ll get the house and sole custody because of
abandonment. After ten years, it looks like he finally did you a favor.
|
|
| Topic: I need a guy‘s opinion
|
| Subject: I need a guy‘s opinion - Posted: 8/3/2006 11:08:45 PM
|
Your previous post was not boring at all. You just didn‘t give anyone a
chance to reply. This second post of yours comes just half and hour
after the first one. We may be good, but we‘re not that good. Hehe. Take a breather and relax. We‘ll reply. Give us a few hours, not a few minutes. ; )
|
|
| Topic: Ok I have a Few Questions on What Men Think About Women
|
| Subject: Ok I have a Few Questions on What Men Think About Women - Posted: 8/3/2006 11:28:19 PM
|
| On_A_Mission wrote: | | So is this just how men talk about women when they are not around to hear it and he is trying to be honest with me about it? Am I to sensitve to this kind of thing? |
bs, bs, BS.
I can‘t believe he has the nerve to say this. You should have slapped
him across the face and got out of his car and left him for good. This
is in no way how men should
talk to women. Granted, there are some oppresive, misogynistic,
chauvinistic dicks out there that do talk to women this way, but just
because it‘s coming out of the radio doesn‘t mean that it is right and
in no way justifies their behavior.
This so pisses me off you have no idea. I hate rap and all the other bs
"music" that comes out of clearchannel these days with such a firey
passion you would be shocked. I‘m one of the most vocal advocates for
free speech, but when the "speech" is masqueraded as "music," and used
to brainwash the masses for corporate profit while having an objectively
immoral and dangerous message, I call for censorship. Those bloody
idoits claim they‘re a mirror of society, however, I can prove that
they are not a mirror, but instead, a guide, directing society right
into the gutter. That stuff is sexist, objectifying, degrading, and
simply unethical. Yet, somehow, it is held up as a model to replicate?
I knew I expected too much from my gender to see that "music" for what
it really is, and here is more proof of my point.
He has a problem, a serious problem. He seems to believe that it is
right to treat you in the manner described by these songs. According to
your description of him, he has abused you like this in the past. You
really shouldn‘t give him a second chance, especially if he‘s showing
signs like this. It is not normal. That IS NOT the way men talk to and treat women. If he believes that, then he is delusional
and needs psychiatric help. Get out before he returns to his previous
state. If he‘s buying into those bs songs, it‘s only a matter of time.
|
|
| Topic: Growing Old
|
| Subject: Growing Old - Posted: 8/3/2006 11:38:42 PM
|
I‘m too young to have ever thought about that, so I can‘t comment.
However, based on my very limited experience, being alone isn‘t all that
bad, really. Would I rather have someone, ya...of course. But I‘ve
managed alone. I‘m doing it now, and I‘m sure I can do it later.
So...no big deal. :)
Happy Birthday Cal. ;)
|
|
| Topic: He is still lying
|
| Subject: He is still lying - Posted: 8/3/2006 11:43:35 PM
|
| khelweg wrote: | | Sorry if I sound too depressed, but that is one thing I definitly am. |
That‘s ok. No one is ever expected to walk through something like this
happily. It‘s a difficult time and will be hard on you. Just remember
that we are here for you should you ever need to talk, ask, or just
vent. Good Luck on the difficult task you have in front of you.
|
|
| Topic: Help wanted-thanks in advance
|
| Subject: Help wanted-thanks in advance - Posted: 8/4/2006 12:31:18 AM
|
goggenile, I first must apologize for jumping in so late. I read
your posts and I must say I‘m terribly sorry, this sucks beyond all
possible means. You‘ve received some incredible advice about how to
handle the emotional sides of all this. You have even been handed a lot
of personal insight into her possible mindset. All of this is very
valuable and correct, I have little to add in this area.
Where I think my input might be useful is in the steps you should take
now. Since you know this ahead of time, you are in such a position of
power here it is remarkable. I agree with you and the others that have
posted, this marriage and relationship is over. I would not try to talk
to her or hope that she will ever change. You‘ve tried and given her
every opportunity and luxury conceivable. She‘s just a horrible person.
Quit now, while you still have a means of getting out remarkably well.
This little "excursion" of hers is the last little trip she‘ll ever
take on your expense. I hope she enjoys it.
Here‘s what I think you should do. Granted, I know this is incredibly
short notice, but if you can pull most of this off, you will have your
kids, and be well on your way of getting rid of her, permenantly.
First things first, get your kids. Fly over to them, get them, and
arrange to take them back with you to wherever you‘re staying at your
work residence.
Next, cancel any and all credit cards that she has or that have both
your names on it. Then, if you have a joint bank account, withdraw all
the money and put it into one that only has your name on it. Do this
for all liquid assets immediately. If there are any other assets that
she knows of and has access to (stocks, bonds, mutuals, etc), see if
you can transfer those over to a solely held account.
Arrange to have the locks changed on the house. That will be a
wonderful little welcome for her when she comes back. Also, turn off
all the utilities and either transfer the account name over to only
you, or have them lock the account so she can‘t reactivate the
utilities.
Get your lawyer in order and have him, in cooperation with the PI,
begin the paperwork for divorce. You may not win sole custody, but you
will win custody. If you keep your children with you at work, then,
given how little she cares about them, she‘ll never bother to come see
them anyhow.
It‘s heartbreaking, but I‘m furious. You may not feel like it now, but
you are very fortunate to have caught this ahead of time. If possible,
do the things I said above, with the highest priority being your
children. After that, lock out the cash and cancel the credit cards.
You will win this, you definitely seem to have the knowledge and
strength to do it. Go at it full force. It‘d be perfect if she‘d come
back from her "vacation" to an empty house which she can‘t get into
with no financial means whatsoever. Serves her bloody right. Keep us
posted and Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: Okay...what the hell is this stickam pop up?
|
| Subject: Okay...what the hell is this stickam pop up? - Posted: 8/4/2006 1:32:43 AM
|
| Ilikepie wrote: | I am not a 21 year old kid. ;-p I know better than to call bullshit if I am not 100 percent sure. |
Explanation accepted, let‘s dance.
First thing‘s first, just because you service fortune 500 company computers doesn‘t necessarily
imply that you are some god (or goddess, in this case, hehe) of
security and you follow every possible security means. It definitely
seems like your company has its act together, and I‘m glad to see that.
I too have worked as an IT, servicing even "Fortune 500" companies, and
I‘ll be the first to tell you how disgustingly lax both the serviced
company‘s and my employing company‘s security policies and measures
were. Holes and issues were open everywhere on the company side and on
our side. You make it sound like everything is locked up tighter than
air, so I‘ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Your company seems to
be much more organized than the little thing that I worked for, but
that‘s far from the typical case.
You‘re a fellow linux user,
amen to that. I take back what I said about your security incompetence,
you‘ve shown that you do know what you‘re doing. There is no
adware/spyware on your windows installation, which is great. The
third-party computer test bringing up the same stickam problem does
point this website as the trigger for it.
However, I know that
LMW would never intentionally put up a redirect like that. So then
consider this. Have you bothered to poke around on the homepage of this
website? There is advertising along the right side of the website that
helps bring in some revenue to keep the site afloat. The last set of
ads is controlled by adbrite, a rotating-ad distributor. I‘m sure you
know how these work, and that the web administrators have little
control over them (note the javascript enabled portion). There have
been countless cases of these ad sites hijacking or spamming the sites
they distribute to. Given the evidence you‘ve shown, that‘s most likely
what happened. Notice that nothing has changed on the website since
this issue came up, but adbrite probably got burned with complaints
about it from other participating websites, and quickly corrected the
"oversight."
By the way, thanks for the knockdown, I really appreciate
being belittled like that. If you‘ve been in the computer industry for
so long, it‘s surprising that you‘d think I‘m just a foolish little
kid. A fair number of us "kids" are pretty good with computers, I
wonder why you haven‘t seen that yet. Furthermore, I wasn‘t calling bs,
I was asking if I could, because you hadn‘t really made a case yet.
Simply asserting that you‘re "a programmer for 22 years" doesn‘t buy
you much credibility. Give us the facts and the process you went
through to get to your conclusion like you did in your follow-up post,
and then I‘ll have the information necessary to make a judgement.
I also don‘t like how you jumped
to the conclusion that the site was intentionally doing this and the
stopped once it was posted about it. That‘s barely circumstantial
evidence and my adbrite theory makes a lot more sense than your wild
accusation. You may call me a kid, but you are the one acting like a
child by not-so-discreetly and wrongly accussing LMW of intentionally
spamming the site.
|
|
| Topic: Okay...what the hell is this stickam pop up?
|
| Subject: Okay...what the hell is this stickam pop up? - Posted: 8/4/2006 1:48:33 AM
|
As a follow-up to my last post, out of curiosity, to test my hypothesis
about adbrite, I did a quick google search for adbrite and stikam to
see if I would get any results. Sure enough, it‘s there. Hits with
adbrite referrals to stickam. There is now no question in my mind as to
where the redirect came from, it was a javascript hijack from the
adbrite ads on the website. It was not the fault of this website‘s
administration in the least bit.
LMW, you might consider looking into reworking your deal with adbrite
so they can only feed you images or some other non-javascript form of
text. It‘s not fair to you or the users to allow adbrite to have such
control.
All this, from a "kid." Hmm...who‘d have thought?
|
|
| Topic: Okay...what the hell is this stickam pop up?
|
| Subject: Okay...what the hell is this stickam pop up? - Posted: 8/4/2006 11:50:06 PM
|
| Ilikepie wrote: | | Wow you really, really have a problem with women. Here’s a news flash for you .... Women are perfectly capable of performing technical jobs. |
I‘m
sorry, but you are way out of line here. This just went from witty
banter to personal insult. And yes, I do take offense to the
accusations of being a sexist. That‘s the type of man I abhor and would
never talk/act that way.
In no way did I ever insinuate that you don‘t know what you are talking about because you are a woman. I defy you to find even one word that was directed at questioning your intelligence or capability at a technical job or technical details because you are a woman. I‘m
not going to begin to speculate why it is you decided to accuse me of
this, perhaps it is a life-long issue you‘ve been fighting or
something. Regardless, you are not right in accusing me of this. It is
not I who have the problem, it is you.
My questioning of your
knowledge was derived soley because you failed to provide any evidence
or support for you claims and accusations. I will repeat it again,
simply stating that you have been "a programmer for 22 years" doesn‘t
buy you much authority on the internet. Anyone can say that. If you
are, then prove it by acting like one and providing details. You did
that in your second post, and I retracted my questioning of your
competance. I really didn‘t see a problem here. Man, woman, or
mushroom, I would have responded in exactly the same manner as I did to
you. The problem arose when you went from banter to insult. I only
wanted to dance, but apparently you‘re looking to draw blood. Fine.
Don‘t expect a reply if you‘re just going to attack me again.
And really, if the cleanliness and security of your windows machine is so critical that your job
depends on it, then why on earth don‘t you just dedicate a box to it?
Get another machine that you use for personal browsing and access it
remotely (ms rdp, vnc, nomachine NX, etc). I mean, seriously, if
security is that crucial to you, why would you even risk it and not isolate that world entirely?
|
|
| Topic: Reading another‘s email
|
| Subject: Reading another‘s email - Posted: 8/5/2006 12:34:20 AM
|
| Noele wrote: | How about when he leaves his e-mail up (the account is open so you can
see all the emails but not read them) and then you open one up, does
that make your moral questionable?
|
I can‘t say what that makes you morally, because that‘s for you to decide. What is moral and ethical is relative depending on who you ask and what view you ascribe to.
What I can comment on is the legality of it. It is perfectly legal to
browse around his email if he left the account open for you. Using the
regular mail analogy, it is the equivalent to him having opened all the
mail, but leaving the papers in the envelope. You just have to take the
paper out of the envelope and read. It‘s perfectly legal, it‘s his
responsibility the lock wasn‘t on.
Is it moral? That‘s for you to decide. Would you read regular mail of
his that he had opened already but left lying in the envelope on the
desk? Same situation here.
|
|
| Topic: Ok I have a Few Questions on What Men Think About Women
|
| Subject: Ok I have a Few Questions on What Men Think About Women - Posted: 8/5/2006 2:56:07 AM
|
| On_A_Mission wrote: | | I really can not be sure of my reaction to bf when he called me a
stupid f***ing "c" he had me pinned to the wall with his fist in my
face. It took a bit for me to even realize he called me that. Then
after a few mins he physicly threw me out of the house and I
came back a couple days later to get my things I had a friend with me
to help me move out he called me dumb c, stupid c, over and over
and that time I just did what I had to do and got my stuff togeather
and left.
|
I‘m sorry, but no amount of counseling is going to change a man like
this. If he is capable of this type of abuse against someone he cares
about, then you should run away as fast as you can. He‘s a grown man,
clearly very entrenched in his delusional beliefs.
He has no respect for your ideas, opinions, needs, or desires. No
amount of counseling (even the "good" type of counseling) will change
his mind because he is simply unwilling to consider things otherwise.
Give up while you can still get out.
|
|
| Topic: Ok I have a Few Questions on What Men Think About Women
|
| Subject: Ok I have a Few Questions on What Men Think About Women - Posted: 8/5/2006 3:20:45 AM
|
| DaGuru wrote: | Before
I get into details, I just have to ask one simple question.... In what
business or industry have you ever witnessed a product that was
produced that did NOT have a market, and somehow "brainwashed"
consumers into wanting that product? Rap IS a reflection of society and
sells well because that is what people want. |
Many,
if not all, markets brainwash people to buy their products. When the
market is for laundry detergent, or electronics equipment, it‘s a
non-issue. However, when the product has a social impact, the
obligations and responsibilites of the seller are incredibly heavy. The
most obvious examples of regulation and censorship are the firearm
industry, tobacco industry, and the visual mass-media industries (TV
and movies).
Now, I purport to say that the music industry has
no such equal censorship as the aforementioned markets. Yes, there are
bleeped expletives and parental advisory tags (which are actually
self-regulated, not imposed), but these don‘t do a dang thing. There‘s
no way to block out certain radio stations as parents can with TV
channels. A child can turn on a radio and dial to any station. Not
good, in my opinion. What is the parent to do, throw away all the
radios in the home? The average household has a dozen or so
radios....you can‘t really get away from them. How is a parent to
address this?
Is rap a reflection of society, or a guide? You
say reflection, but I argue guide. A ten year old boy barely has an
idea of what society is, yet what will he learn when he listens to this
music? Children are incredibly impressionable, what is being mirrored
here? There‘s no mirroring going on. The child is being fed this bs
about how to treat women. Is it really
appropriate for parents to have to discuss with their son of age 7 or 8
the proper way to treat women in a relationship simply to counter what
they‘re hearing on the radio? That‘s absurd. There should be censorship
or some means of control. Where‘s the radio v-chip?
Simple
observation on my behalf to prove my point regarding music‘s influence.
When the Cadillac Escalade first came out, it was mocked by almost all
consumers. However, the sales of the vehicle soared once it was
embraced by the music industry. Coincidence? I think not. This was not
a reflection of society because society hated the escalade. This was
rap guiding society into an idea, just as they are doing (have done)
the same with their attitude towards women. Don‘t believe me? Here‘s
proof of music‘s power regarding the Cadillac:
http://www.myrtlebeachonline.com/mld/myrtlebeachonline/entertainment/14958808.htm
So if music can weild such immeasurable power over the kind of car men
drive (we all know how close to their hearts men keep their cars), can
you still sit up there and tell me that it‘s not shaping their views
regarding women? I think not.
|
|
| Topic: Is it possible for men to be faithful?
|
| Subject: Is it possible for men to be faithful? - Posted: 8/8/2006 6:21:21 PM
|
To be honest, I think the evolutionary argument holds merit. It
probably is true. Those males that had the largest drive to procreate
and have the most number of children (clearly with multiple women)
would pass those traits and tendencies onto the next generation, and the process would repeat itself, viciously.
Similarly, the same can be said about humans‘ eating habits and taste
for foods. In the early nomadic environment that man lived in, food was
scarce. Thus, those humans that loved to eat as much as they could, and
eat the foods with the highest caloric content (fats) would have the
best chances for survival through the winter, and thus have the
capacity to pass on their genes. Is it any wonder why we all love fats,
candy, and chocolate so much, and why the majority of the US is
overweight? Nope, doesn‘t surprise me one bit.
However,
despite these programmed behaviors, man has one other vital capacity,
the capacity to learn and reason. Just because man is genetically
programmed to have as many children as possible, or that humans are
programmed to crave fats and eat as much as possible, doesn‘t give us the right to do so. We live in a different society than our primitive ancestors, and we must
act accordingly, otherwise we are no more sophisticated than the
primitive, cultureless humans we came from. Humans exercise restraint
and learn not to crave or give into their desires for incredibly
fattening foods and overeating. Similarly, men can (and the good ones
do) reason and learn to fight the urge to bang every woman they see.
|
|
| Topic: Venting!
|
| Subject: Venting! - Posted: 8/9/2006 12:09:54 PM
|
| CBoogie wrote: | | I want to keep in touch with her, to know she‘s happy and doing well,
but I don‘t want to feel crushed every time I talk to her either.
|
You may have to give up on one of these. Either don‘t keep in touch
with her, or accept that you‘re going to feel crushed when you do.
Despite this, something doesn‘t sit well with me. There‘s either
something you‘re leaving out. It might be something you did that
justifies her behavior, otherwise she‘s certifiably nuts. If you‘re a
great as guy as you‘ve described, then there would be no reason for her
to act that way, unless things aren‘t right in her head. Then again,
she might just be a confused teen who has no idea what she wants and is
just out to have some fun.
In any situation, if you‘re the kind of guy you claim to be, then you
shouldn‘t be troubled by any of this. This is not the kind of girl you
want anyhow. She did a favor by breaking up with you. Stop talking to
her or accepting her calls and move on.
|
|
| Topic: Okay...what the hell is this stickam pop up?
|
| Subject: Okay...what the hell is this stickam pop up? - Posted: 8/9/2006 12:27:18 PM
|
| LittleMissWomansaver wrote: | | this "stickam" is supposedly an interstitial ad they put out.
|
Ya, what bs. It‘s an underhanded marketting ploy used to hijack a site
and promote sales. Though I bet they may have covered themselves in the
terms of service, tactics like this probably aren‘t defendable in a
court of law.
Well done LMW, did you get them to agree that the vmix hijack ads won‘t be displayed either?
|
|
| Topic: Okay...what the hell is this stickam pop up?
|
| Subject: Okay...what the hell is this stickam pop up? - Posted: 8/9/2006 12:48:22 PM
|
| LittleMissWomansaver wrote: | | I don‘t know what vmix hijack ads are.
|
They‘re exactly the same as the stickam ones, just differnet content. Instead of being an ad for stickam, they are ads for vmix.
I was just asking if you got them to agree to stop all the takeover
ads, or just the stickam one, because there was more than just stickam.
|
|
| Topic: Sexually degrading music may encourage teen sex
|
| Subject: Sexually degrading music may encourage teen sex - Posted: 8/10/2006 12:21:22 AM
|
| Dr.WomanSaverM.D. wrote: | | Of the 1,461 adolescents aged 12 to 17
they followed, those who regularly listened to music with degrading
lyrics at the start of the study were more likely to start having sex
over the next two years. In contrast, there was no evidence that sexual
yet non-degrading music swayed teenagers‘ behavior. |
Is this better proof? There‘s no mirror here. This is guiding and shaping, unarguably. It clearly has a lot of power and sway. Are you going to deny this evidence as well?
|
|
| Topic: HOW TO SAY YOU‘RE SORRY AND MAKE IT MEAN SOMETHING
|
| Subject: HOW TO SAY YOU‘RE SORRY AND MAKE IT MEAN SOMETHING - Posted: 8/10/2006 1:01:16 AM
|
| BlogMistress Womansaver wrote: | | The only way to have your apology accepted as being sincere is to accept total responsibility.
|
I agreed with a lot of what he said, but this I have a problem with.
You don‘t have to accept full responsiblity for the issue to seen as sincere. In fact, doing that may be seen as insincere,
as it can show that you don‘t have a clue as to what you‘re talking
about and just apologizing for the whole thing just to get it over
with. If you understand what it is that you did wrong, and accept responsiblity for that part, then, in my opinion, it will appear far more sincere than just saying "I‘m sorry, it was all my fault."
|
|
| Topic: Why do they just drop off of the face of earth?
|
| Subject: Why do they just drop off of the face of earth? - Posted: 8/10/2006 1:51:59 AM
|
| luckygirl wrote: | | If sex is what you are after, say so. |
Hehe, really? Then, for a moment, let me play devil‘s advocate here.
Do you really think, that a man who said that, would actually get what
he‘s after? If it were that easy, men wouldn‘t have to lie about it.
Don‘t get me wrong, I‘m not condoning or justifying their behavior in
any way. This man was totally out of line by lying to you and tricking
you into believing he was in a committed relationship with you. There
is no question about that.
However,
would any girl really get invovled with a guy who was upfront and said
that he was only after sex? Um, haha...no....not really. Guys lie to
women about what they‘re after so they can get sex. It‘s really just
that plain and simple. All the jerks put on the costume of being an
honest guy looking for a long-term commitment because they know that‘s
what the women are after. They know they‘ll get sex under this guise,
and there you have it. Recipie for heartbreak.
The line I quoted from your reply has a very interesting connotation in
it that you may not even be aware of. Fully elaborated, your line
reads: "If sex is what you are after, say so", so I can dump you and find someone who is after a more meaningful relationship. Once you understand that, you‘ll understand why these men men lie.
|
|
| Topic: Free Web Service Tricked my Cheating Spouse
|
| Subject: Free Web Service Tricked my Cheating Spouse - Posted: 8/10/2006 1:31:04 PM
|
| PainButHealing wrote: | | It
sounds like it‘s okay for a husband to lie and cheat on his wife but
it‘s not okay for a woman to search for the truth even if it means
doing my due diligence and confronting him with the evidence then
that‘s what I‘m going to do. |
I
apologize for accusing you as an advertiser. I see now that this was
not the case. My judgement was not a personal one, but if you look
around the site, especially on this "catch a cheater" forum, you‘ll see
other "users" posting ads. Yours resemebled that closely and that was
why I took the position I did.
Now, regarding the line I quoted, in no way am I justifying cheating. It is never
ok for any partner to cheat on another. However, what I was questioning
is whether it is right to snoop around. I think going behind his back
and gathering evidence is deceitful. Just because he is lying to you
doesn‘t give you the right to do so as well. It lowers you to the level
he‘s playing at. Granted, I can‘t put cheating and covertly gathering
evidence on the same level of severity, but both are still wrong in my
opinion. If there are trust issues in a relationship stemming from him,
then he should do everything in his power to resolve them for you. If
he doesn‘t, then he simply doesn‘t care about you or love you. If that
is the situation, then you‘re stuck in a relationship with
unreciprocated love. I don‘t think anyone deserves to stay in a
situation like that, ever. Cheating, lying, deceit...all of that is
secondary. Without mutual love, there is no chance at a successful
relationship. In my opinion, this supercedes the need to snoop, because
if you have go there, you‘re not resolving anything, you‘re just
ignoring the real problems (trust issues, loveless relationship) and
trying to solve things by putting a little bandage over a broken leg.
|
|
| Topic: Sexually degrading music may encourage teen sex
|
| Subject: Sexually degrading music may encourage teen sex - Posted: 8/11/2006 1:45:27 AM
|
| TiredOfWomen wrote: | | Do they have any doctored-up photo‘s to go along with it??? |
Actually,
no, there is no doctoring happening here. This is a legitimate report
of an article published in a peer-reviewed journal. For those who are
interested in reading the full text (as I was), it is availible online.
This is the online version: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/118/2/e430
|
|
| Topic: Sexually degrading music may encourage teen sex
|
| Subject: Sexually degrading music may encourage teen sex - Posted: 8/11/2006 2:16:07 AM
|
| DaGuru wrote: | I still say give me data on the adolescents surveyed on what the makeup of their household is.
|
As you wish. All the information is in the article.
This is the pdf version: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/reprint/118/2/e430
They have the data on the adolescents surveyed. They took into account
the make-up of their households (at a rather detailed level). They
adjusted for these factors before drawing their results. There were
thirteen factors that they asked that specifically address the issues
of their environment. These factors ranged from level of parental
monitoring and perceived level of parental disapproval of sex to school
grades, deviant behavior, and religiosity. They took the results of
these questions and used them to adjust the results of the adolescents‘
sexual activity. There‘s no hand-waving going on here.
I think
their attention to covariates and their thoroughness with those
questions did well to neutralize many of the variables that would
otherwise cast doubt on the accuracy of the results. I was impressed by
the level of detail they went to in trying to establish a valid and
neutral baseline.
I mean, come on...even if the survey wasn‘t
perfect, and the covariate neutralization didn‘t eliminate all possible
environment variables (which is a reasonable objection), the numbers still
speak for themselves. The beta (correlation) between those adolescents
that listened to sexually degrading music and then had intercourse by
T3 is 0.36, while those kids that didn‘t listen to sexually degrading lyrics showed a negative correlation of -0.14. That is huge,
on the level of a statistical certainty. Similarly, there is a wide gap
(but not as wide) between the trends of listening to the respective
types of music and then engaging in sexual behavior (non-intercourse).
I really don‘t know how you can argue with those numbers, especially
after they went to extensive lengths to calculate for the effects of
the varying environments.
In my opinion, the results are
conclusive and compelling. Sexually degrading lyrics in music (of
which, rap had the largest number of sexually degrading words in the
songs surveyed by a long shot) does have an effect on adolescents‘ sexual activity.
|
|
| Topic: what is wrong with him
|
| Subject: what is wrong with him - Posted: 8/11/2006 2:31:10 AM
|
| Lady_R wrote: | | he has changed so much. our sex life is none excistant |
These
are not good signs. If he‘s anywhere near your age (as in not 35+), he
should still be wanting sex all the time. If he doesn‘t want it from
you anymore, then something is not right. He is likely getting that
need fulfilled elsewhere.
It seems you have tried very hard to
get him to change, but he‘s just not going to budge. Why are you still
trying? He treats you like dirt, and, clearly,
cannot love you if he treats you that way. Is this the kind of
relationship you want to stay in, one with unreciprocated love? Look
closely at what it is you want, and then talk to him about it. If he
thinks you‘re suffocating him when you try to discuss this, then give
him space....permanently. If he doesn‘t respect you enough to talk to you and work any issues you may have in your relationship, then what hope is there?
I would say just dump him and move out, but it really seems like you
want to give him one last chance, so do that. Try to talk to him and
communicate with him. Consider carefully what he says to you, and
realize that if he gets mad at you for bringing it up and just storms
out, then there really is no hope. Pack your bags, I‘m afraid you‘ll be
moving shortly.
|
|
| Topic: I need some help guys
|
| Subject: I need some help guys - Posted: 8/11/2006 3:00:01 AM
|
| virtousone wrote: | | I believe in being faithful and commitment and he just threw every thing away does he even realize what he is doing? |
You
want the honest answer? Probably not. He likely doesn‘t have a clue how
this hurt you, and what‘s worse is, it doesn‘t seem like he cares. Do
you believe him anymore when he tells you he loves you? His actions say
otherwise. I‘m terribly sorry, this must be absolutely crushing, but
you will get through this.
You really have two options. There
isn‘t any chance at a loving healthy relationship anymore. If he is
capable of this level of conscious deceipt and betrayal, there is no
chance of working this out. Your first option is to stay in this
loveless relationship. He will continue to do this throughout the time
you are with him and he will not change. In my opinion, this is not the
right thing to do. Your other option would be to file for divorce and
begin your life over without him. This is the best path, as you will
have a chance for happiness again and a shot at a healthy relationship.
It may simply seem painful now, and you can‘t think of moving an inch,
but give yourself some time. Let your thoughts sink in and you‘ll see
things clearly. Though I said you have two options, you really don‘t
have much of a choice. Please keep us posted. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: Is it possible for men to be faithful?
|
| Subject: Is it possible for men to be faithful? - Posted: 8/11/2006 3:24:10 AM
|
| Patrick Bateman wrote: | Is
the suppression of natural wants something that should be
advocated? [...] Perhaps we are unnaturally inhibiting our innate
selves in our current society.
[...]
Is it possible
that our current society‘s values have overstepped the boundaries of
natural law, and that the values
of many past societies were more appropraite for
humans? |
Hey now, give the man a cigar! You‘ve hit the nail right on the head. You are absolutely correct. Our societal structure is
unnatural, if you define natural as being the way ancestral humans
behaved hundreds of thousands of years ago. I‘m not arguing that point
at all.
You question whether the societal inhibition of a
male‘s natural desires is a good thing. Well, as Locke argued, that is
up to the individual and society to decide. Locke, and more recently
John Rawls, asserted (and I agree with them here), that any individual
who is a member of a society agrees
to the terms of that society and is bound by them. This is called the
social contract. If any individual does not agree to be bound by this
contract, then he is free to leave the society and find one whose
contract he agrees with (or form a society of his own, etc).
As a member of Western civilization, we have all (consciously or
unconsciously) agreed to the terms of this social contract. This social
contract expects men to have
only one mate, and be faithful to that mate. If you don‘t like those
rules, then pack up and move. I don‘t want to get into why this rule exists just yet, but simply that it does.
Given that this contract exists, it is each individual‘s job then to
uphold it. Whether it is natural or not is irrelevant at this point. If
you feel it is unnatural and wrong, then you are more than welcome to leave. I feel it is unnatural, but right. I feel it is
more sophisticated, more efficient, and creates a better society. A
two-parent nuclear family makes sense when there are enough resources
for everyone. Having a consistent set of parents does wonders for a
child‘s mortality, and even further, it does unspeakable volumes for
their psychological state in our society.
This may not have been the case back in ancestral times. Having a
father around may not have added much benefit to a child‘s mortality,
so it would have been a waste of the man‘s time to stick around. He
would have had a better chance of passing functional offspring to the
next generation if he had multiple mates. There wasn‘t even a question
of psychological state back then. Their only concern was that the
offspring was fertile. In our society however, a child‘s chances are
far better off if he/she has two consistent parents. For that reason
(among others), being monogamous makes sense to me. It is no longer a
question of what is natural, but instead a question of what is best
given the society we live in.
|
|
| Topic: Is it possible for men to be faithful?
|
| Subject: Is it possible for men to be faithful? - Posted: 8/11/2006 9:18:29 AM
|
| TiredOfWomen wrote: | | The problem isn‘t in the societal standards, it‘s in the CHANGING of the societal standards and what‘s open to interpretation. Our societal laws have become very murky. |
You‘re right of course here ToW. I wasn‘t basing my previous post on the current state of society, because I‘m having a hard time understanding it myself. I only took the view of a classical Western society, as defined by the US circa 1920ish. Hume, Kant, Locke, etc, aren‘t around anymore to comment on this, and, to my knowledge, Rawls hasn‘t addressed it....so I‘m not terribly sure what to think or how to approach it.
Has it gotten to a point where what is considered socially acceptable (or worse, the societal norm) is no longer most efficient, most sophisticated, or best for society? Yeah, probably. With a 50% divorce rate, I have a hard time believing (as many of the women here can attest to) that a single parent is as effecient or as effective in raising children as a two-parent nuclear family. I still think the ideal situation for a child in a society as complex as ours would be to have a consistent set of parents.
So where does that put us? I think it leaves us at a position that‘s not as ideal from where we were fifty or sixty years ago. What changed? Feminism? Women‘s liberation? Granted, I‘ll accept that the first-wave of feminists were crazy....but I tend to agree with the desires of the third-wave feminists. They‘re looking for equality and freedom from discrimination. I think that‘s long overdue.
What is the conclusion then? That feminism let women run amuck and dragged society to the point that it is today? I don‘t know....I‘m not sure I agree with that entirely. Yes, of course, there have been women that have abused this grossly--unbelievable sexual harrassment suits, etc. That is unavoidable, there has always been, and always will be rotten people. It is not indicative of women as a whole though. For the most part however, I think women have changed, for the better. They have taken a step forward progressively. In general, it is the men that have not changed. We are the ones stuck in the old mentality, pigeonholing women to the home/kitchen and believing that we‘re free to lie and cheat and get away with it. Back then, very few women had the nerve to stand up for themselves against abusive or cheating husbands, as was the norm in the 1920s. Now, women are not putting up with that bs anymore, and I don‘t blame them for a moment. Only when men get their act together and realize they‘re only hurting themselves and society by cheating (as women aren‘t going to tolerate it any longer), will things start to change for the better.
|
|
| Topic: Is it possible for men to be faithful?
|
| Subject: Is it possible for men to be faithful? - Posted: 8/14/2006 1:34:54 AM
|
| Patrick Bateman wrote: | | Did you just finish your Western philosophy 101 class?
|
Hah, cute, but no. I read this stuff because I was interested in it. Yes, I am well aware that Locke did not come up with the idea of the social contract. There are many with different or opposing views such as Rousseau, Hobbes, and Hume. I wasn‘t presenting those two as the definitive answer, but simply the one that I agreed on (and the ones upon whose ideas much of the Western/American social structure is based on). By no means do I consider this view the "right" way, or the only way, but instead, it is our way.
You are of course right about social contractualism. Most people simply cannot just leave a society, but there really is no other offer. What can we do, revolutionize the social system? We all know that any drastic change is impossible, and social change occurs slowly over many generations. There really is nothing we can offer. If the social structure is against their will, and they do not have the resources or willingness to leave the society, then I guess they are stuck, and have no choice but to follow the rules of the society. Perhaps this is why there is so much strife in the world.
|
|
| Topic: Is it possible for men to be faithful?
|
| Subject: Is it possible for men to be faithful? - Posted: 8/14/2006 1:48:40 AM
|
| TiredOfWomen wrote: | That results in a free-for-all in which it‘s not clear what the rules are, how the rules get made, the demand for equal authority without equal responsibility, questions about who ultimately has to take responsibility for certain aspects within the marriage/relationship...and so forth. |
I‘m not saying that every marriage should have a mutual decision making process. Instead, what I think is that feminism has opened up the avenue for men and women to mix their roles. They still must have well defined roles and responsibilities, each being responsible for certain aspects. I guess this is where things go sour in many marriages. They just don‘t split up the responsibilities. The traditional system works because the roles are defined. I think a non-traditional system will work as well, just as long as the roles are defined there as well.
|
|
| Topic: Should I or Should I not
|
| Subject: Should I or Should I not - Posted: 8/16/2006 2:09:10 AM
|
| tiggis2006 wrote: | | You want a chance to become his #1 and not his booty call? Here is the only way best shot. |
Sorry, I disagree. Though this may bring him back for a little while,
it is not going to work over the long term. He does not care about you,
and he does not love you. You cannot force someone to love you. Walk
away now while you still can. If you continue, you will only hurt
yourself more.
|
|
| Topic: need some advice
|
| Subject: need some advice - Posted: 8/16/2006 2:16:50 AM
|
You‘re getting yourself all bent out of shape over an error in
communication? Wow, sounds like high school. Don‘t you think you‘re a
little old for that?
If you‘re serious about being with him, and really care for him (as it
definitely sounds like you do), then take the initiative in resolving
the conflict. He won‘t come and talk to you, so, go and talk to him.
After all, if the mountain won‘t come to Mohammed....you get the idea.
Take charge of the situation and explain things to him. Don‘t rely on
heresay, that‘s only more high school antics. If, now, after your talk he won‘t believe you, then that‘s his choice and his loss. Until that happens, don‘t feel so crushed.
|
|
| Topic: what to do
|
| Subject: what to do - Posted: 8/16/2006 3:09:36 AM
|
| turtlehart wrote: | | Am I over reacting?
|
Not in the least bit. Some might argue you are taking this too lightly.
Call his bs. The porn site payment was a mistake? Ya, right. Show him
the secret email account and the porn site registration and let him
have it. It‘s disgusting that he‘s lying, but he may simply be ashamed
of his need/addiction to porn and not want to confront you or tell you
about it.
The key to all of this will be how he responds to the undeniable truth
that you will level him with when he comes home. If he comes clean,
apologizes, and believes you when you say you are ok with porn but not
the lying, then you have a chance. If he doesn‘t respond this way, but
instead denies it, gets angry, or anything else; then give up, the
relationship is over. If he doesn‘t respect you enough to try to change
what is so clearly wrong with him, then he neither loves nor cares
about you. If that is the case, then you have no business being married
to him.
One more thing to consider. Given that this is clearly
a sensitive issue for him, be gentle on your approach. He is undeniably
full of shame, so if you jump on him with a combative style, then there
is only one way he will react--the wrong way. You have to do this
calmly, carefully, and logically. Place all the facts in front of him,
and just wait for him to respond. Don‘t accuse him of anything just
yet, simply ask for an explanation. If he tries to lie his way out
again, then there is no hope. But, if he truly comes clean, then he may
actually care about you, and simply thought this was something he could
hide from you (knowing that fundamentally, he wasn‘t doing anything to
hurt you, because you are ok with porn). That‘s the crazy thing about
lying. People are ok when they lie up until the point they get caught,
and then it‘s all in the sewers. Yes, he‘s stupid for thinking he could
hide it, but, as much as I might desire it otherwise, stupidity and
caring for another are not mutually exclusive. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: Editing = Double Post!!
|
| Subject: Editing = Double Post!! - Posted: 8/16/2006 3:29:32 AM
|
| If you were to notice though, the "second post" is very weird. When I
did this, it put my post count down to 1 for that post, very bizarre.
If you delete the second post, leaving the original alive, then life is
good. Until this issue is resolved, the only way to "edit" a post is to
post a new one (copy/paste text) and delete the original.
|
|
| Topic: Free Web Service Tricked my Cheating Spouse
|
| Subject: Free Web Service Tricked my Cheating Spouse - Posted: 8/19/2006 2:14:04 AM
|
I feel I must clarify my position here because, in my eyes, there is a distinction that is not being fairly addressed.
In my opinion, there is a difference between the situation described by
painbut versus that of tera‘s. When I said that I am against going
behind a partner‘s back and gathering evidence, I meant to the extent
that you are proactive about it and laying traps, etc. I don‘t think it
is right to try to trick a partner. If you set a trap for your partner,
then you are suspicious to the point that you‘ve lost trust and
respect. In laying this trap, you expect
your partner to fail. This is what I cannot agree with. It is not
finding the truth; it is finding evidence that matches and validates
your fear. If there is nothing but suspicion, then laying this trap is
akin to conjuring up evidence so you can justify your doubts.
Furthermore, even if your partner passes, then your worries are not
satisfied, but instead you have the same paranoia and fear. You repeat
the traps and lies until something finally falls the way you want it. I
am not saying that it cannot lead to truth (as it clearly did, in painbut‘s case), however, I feel it is the wrong approach to truth.
Counter this to tera‘s case/example. In this case, you stumble across
or detect something that just isn‘t right. Your surface level questions
regarding that concern are simply brushed off or not answered to your
satisfaction, and you are now concerned. I find nothing wrong with
exploring and digging to find the truth of the offending concern, as
long as you don‘t violate your partner‘s privacy, etc. If this entails
calling people, looking at past bills, checking calling
history--assuming you have legal right to all these things--then I see
no issue with it whatsoever. You should go about it this way. This
means does not involve deception. It is honest monitoring of
information that you have a legal right to.
I can assure you that if my initial questions regarding concerns I had
of my partner were not resolved, then I would monitor things closely to
find the truth. I would not, however, lay traps to prove my suspicion.
After all, if I discover that the offending issue was not a concern,
the confidence in my partner will strengthen. If I lay a trap and my
partner passes, then I am not as confident in my partner, and
furthermore, I can not disclose that I tested him/her in this manner.
It all has to do with respect. Initially, you are not certain of your
partner‘s level of respect for you, and accordingly, you cannot dispose
of your respect for your partner simply because of your fear that
he/she does not respect you. Should he/she find that out, the
relationship would be over. In this case, I feel that the ends do not
justify the means.
|
|
| Topic: keylogger (on mine??)
|
| Subject: keylogger (on mine??) - Posted: 8/19/2006 9:53:46 PM
|
There two ways to go about this. The easy way will catch most programs,
but not all. The hard way is a little more invasive and troublesome,
but will work against any running process.
Try the simple way first. Run a scan from trendmicro: <a
href="http://housecall.trendmicro.com">http://housecall.trendmicro.com</a>.
This will do a rather thorough sweep of your system. You can also check
the process tree by running task manager (start -> run, type:
taskmgr). Check to see if anything peculiar is running on the system.
The second method is a little more complicated. It entails using a
program suite called pstools. I‘m not going to go over the process now
because it is actually quite involved, but I can if absolutely
necessary.
I‘m a little worried about your situation though. Your response to it
is troublesome. What exactly do you hope to find? You already know he
cheated on you, does it matter if he still is? He likely is. What will
if you do if you find out one way or the other? I think you need to
give up trying to catch him cheating and focus more instead on what you
should do now that you know he is/has.
|
|
| Topic: older women?
|
| Subject: older women? - Posted: 8/22/2006 7:53:04 PM
|
| westcoast wrote: | | Anyone in favour of women our age?
|
Sure. Would you consider moving a little further south? ;)
|
|
| Topic: older women?
|
| Subject: older women? - Posted: 8/23/2006 9:35:42 AM
|
| ladyjayne wrote: | Thought I was your Number 1????
|
When did I say that? Don‘t be assuming things lj. haha
But I mean, just think of the logistics here. She‘s just a little ways
north, while you‘re an ocean away....I just don‘t know if it would work
out. Now, maybe if you were to move to the west coast....
|
|
| Topic: numb ... I can‘t believe he did this
|
| Subject: numb ... I can‘t believe he did this - Posted: 8/27/2006 11:04:14 AM
|
| Daniela76 wrote: | yay or nay
|
nay.
Don‘t call her. It‘s not going to solve the issue burning at your
heart. More importantly, this has nothing to do with her. Your issue is
not with this woman at all, it is with him. He is the problem. It is
him that you had a relationship with.
However, the relationship is over. He broke it. He cheated. He does
not, and arguably never did, love you. You are the one hanging on,
hoping, wishing for a return to the past. It has been, and will be,
incredibly hard, but you can do it. Move on, and let him go. You
deserve far better than him. Don‘t contact her, and don‘t contact him.
|
|
| Topic: Is it possible for men to be faithful?
|
| Subject: Is it possible for men to be faithful? - Posted: 8/31/2006 12:32:35 AM
|
where did this thread go?
|
|
| Topic: Missing thread?
|
| Subject: Missing thread? - Posted: 8/31/2006 12:33:27 AM
|
Where did this thread go?
http://www.womansavers.com/p_posts.asp?t=10435
|
|
| Topic: False postings/Slander
|
| Subject: False postings/Slander - Posted: 9/3/2006 12:29:52 PM
|
| Truthisgood wrote: | I just don‘t understand how someone can legally post things that are not true about people.
|
Some people are just messed up that way. If you want to do something productive about it, then go to court and file for libel (not slander). This is a public forum, and as such, the website (and all the others she posted to) assume no responsibility for user contributed content. The content belongs to poster and they are responsible for it. If you want it removed, you have to chase this through legal channels.
|
|
| Topic: Telephone telepathy
|
| Subject: Telephone telepathy - Posted: 9/6/2006 11:16:12 AM
|
Uh.....duh? Of course the hit rate will be good. I mean...if the prompt was for something like "which family member called you" in a bizarre sort of fashion, then most family members would have a clue as to which of their crazed relatives participate in studies. Baloney.
Next topic of study: researchers find that cars go forward when lights turn green. Correlation unmistakable and cannot be by chance. Source of cauasality leaves scientists baffled. Further investigations and increased governmental fund squandering needed.
|
|
| Topic: Why are men so frustrating!!!!
|
| Subject: Why are men so frustrating!!!! - Posted: 9/6/2006 11:25:08 AM
|
Sounds like he‘s shy. If you want things to happen faster, then you have to make the first move. Mind you though, this could lead to him backing off. Perhaps he just fancies you but is otherwise involved. You don‘t know the scenario.
If you don‘t want to make the go ahead, then you‘ll just have to sit and wait. It‘s really up to you. This early though, it doesn‘t really matter what you do. You‘ll probably wait him out a little longer, and then either decide to screw it or make the move. It‘s not that frustrating, really. He‘s either shy or involved. Pick your poison lj.
|
|
| Topic: WooHoo! Another Dateline Predator Bust series
|
| Subject: WooHoo! Another Dateline Predator Bust series - Posted: 9/7/2006 12:22:07 PM
|
| BlogMistress Womansaver wrote: | I have had the pleasure of blowing in 2 people to
Perverted-Justice.com. I fully support them and everything they
are doing to stop predators who prey on vulnerable children.
|
I am so sorry bmw, the first three times I read that I missed the "in"
in the first sentence there. I was thinking to myself..."gee, I‘m
pretty sure they took more pleasure than bmw did...but then heck, what
do I know?" haha.
I, too, support their work, and help out with them. It is an amazing
site. I‘m not at contributor status yet, but hopefully in time, I‘ll be
at the frontlines as well. Go PeeJ!
|
|
| Topic: I broke up with the GF yesterday.
|
| Subject: I broke up with the GF yesterday. - Posted: 9/7/2006 12:33:34 PM
|
| DaGuru wrote: | The best way for a man to get over a break-up is to spread as much DNA around the countryside as possible.
[...]
Sounds to me like she could be the perfect "glue" to fix that broken heart!
|
Please tell me you‘re joking. This is perhaps the last thing he needs right now.
You‘re not going to make things better by jumping into bed with another
woman. The only thing that will do is turn him into a heartless and
emotionless monster. Grieving is a natural process and he needs to go
through it. There‘s no healthy short-circuit. You‘re advocating casual
sex with no emotional attachment. I don‘t think that‘s appropriate in
general, and particularly not wise here.
|
|
| Topic: why does he stay
|
| Subject: why does he stay - Posted: 9/7/2006 12:36:38 PM
|
| zuny wrote: | |
I am working on my issues with addictive relationships,
but I think, if moving on is what needs to be done, I don‘t know
if I can do it without that closure. |
If you‘re set on waiting until he comes around and works to end the
relationship, then you will never see that day. He‘s not going to do
it, ever. You need to recognize that and realize that he has already abandoned you by his neglect, and move on.
You have no choice but to initiate this. You will never find the mutual
closure that you want, because he has already closed the door. Realize
this and do the same. You do not deserve such torture. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: Missing thread?
|
| Subject: Missing thread? - Posted: 9/7/2006 7:36:21 PM
|
To clarify, it‘s not that the thread was deleted. It‘s just not showing up on the forum list. I had to dig this out of the profiles.
It makes me wonder, are there other threads that have disappeared like this?
|
|
| Topic: Message Board Home Page Format - Messed Up!
|
| Subject: Message Board Home Page Format - Messed Up! - Posted: 9/9/2006 12:17:31 PM
|
What happened to the message baord home page? It used to be nice and accurate and detailed. We could tell when the last post was made and by whom. Now, we don‘t have a clue.
The topics and post counts in the forum home pages are wrong as well. I mean, how on earth can you have more topics than posts? Please fix it! It‘s been annoying me for the last few weeks.
|
|
| Topic: Is it ME or does HE have a problem
|
| Subject: Is it ME or does HE have a problem - Posted: 9/10/2006 12:06:50 AM
|
I can‘t give you much insight into his behavior because I don‘t understand it myself. There are some interesting things that I can point out though, given your discussion.
You seem very confident you know where is is throught the day, so the chances that he is cheating on you with anohter woman appear quite slim. There is little doubt in your mind, and that seems justified. I wouldn‘t be worried about that.
What is puzzling though is that he views porn and masturbates alone. This indicates that his sex drive isn‘t dead, it‘s just not aimed at you. There is certainly a reason for this, and by the looks of things, you have no idea what it is (and neither do I).
There is hope, however. You do assert that he loves and cares about you, but the passion has gone out of the relationship. It may have been instigated by the surgery, but that is not the central reason. There is something else bothering him, something that he seems not likely to admit easily.
My best advice would be to stop trying and start communicating. Don‘t try to coerce him into sex, but instead, try to get him to open up and talk. By no means am I saying that he‘s justified in his rationale. It‘s likely to be a small issue or non-issue. Unfortunately, he doesn‘t see it that way, and this is just how men work. They don‘t talk; they bottle up what‘s pestering them until it manifests itself in an unhealthy manner. Go figure.
Bottom line: communicate. Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you feel neglected and have needs. Tell him that you want things to be the way they used to be. Ask him what‘s wrong. Ask him why he‘s not itching to rip your clothes off anymore. Don‘t settle for meaningless answers either. Poke and prod until you get something of substance out of him. If he truly loves and cares about you, then he will want to tend to your needs. Ideally, you‘ll be able to reassure him about whatever he‘s worried about. That may be just what is needed to get his yacht sailing in your direction again. Good Luck.
|
|
| Topic: Need Opinions and Fast
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| Subject: Need Opinions and Fast - Posted: 9/12/2006 12:16:44 AM
|
|
I completely agree with Randy. Give the guy a break. He was just trying not to cause a scene. I mean, honestly, do you really think the drunk lady would have gone away if he just said "go away"? I highly doubt that. She, more than |