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    WomanSavers.com Forum / CATCH A CHEATER / Am I paranoid? ADVICE PLEASE <3!!

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maybejaded
  Posted: 11/29/2011 5:54 PM Subject: Am I paranoid? ADVICE PLEASE <3!!
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So I am engaged. And my fiance and I never spend time apart from each other so I am 90% sure he isn‘t physically cheating just yet. He compliments me everyday and we have sex very often. He has brought up issues with our sex life like saying I don‘t come on to him enough or give enough oral, little things like that. These comments about our sex life has crushed me though, because I always felt I kept him very pleased. Like I said, we have sex at least twice a day everyday! My paranoia stems from different issues. I can‘t tell if I‘m just being nutty or not, I‘m on a new anti-depressant and wonder if it makes me paranoid? He defiantly seems to have his own major insecurities about pleasing me sexually due to my friends mentioning my sex life with my previous partner. He seems to feel inadequate almost. Do these reasons seems valid to you guys?:

1.We have sex often but still doesn‘t seem satisfied.

2. He takes his phone into the bathroom with him all the time and often goes into our bedroom and is a lone just messing with his phone.

3. Sometimes when I walk into the room where our computers are it seems like he is instantly click out of windows once I walk in.

He‘s very romantic still and very kind to me. He tends to get mad about issues when I question my trust for him which concerns me, but maybe it offends him? He met me as a single mother and truly cares for my son and wants to adopt him. He‘s really hard working and very kind. I‘ve only been in 2 relationships before and they were extremely abusive. So I wonder, is it my self esteem causing these fears and mistrust? Or am I trying to make excuses for obvious cheating behavior? Please Help!!!! <3


shally
  Posted: 11/30/2011 11:59 AM Subject: Am I paranoid? ADVICE PLEASE <3!!
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Listen to that voice within. If it is telling you something isn‘t right, it isn‘t.

Dig deeper, in other words, snoop on his computer, check history.

Don‘t sit back and wonder - be the captain of your life. Take charge. Do it.




LittleMissWomansaver
  Posted: 11/30/2011 12:12 PM Subject: Am I paranoid? ADVICE PLEASE <3!!
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maybejaded wrote:
So I am engaged. And my fiance and I never spend time apart from each other so I am 90% sure he isnt physically cheating just yet. He compliments me everyday and we have sex very often. He has brought up issues with our sex life like saying I dont come on to him enough or give enough oral, little things like that. These comments about our sex life has crushed me though, because I always felt I kept him very pleased. Like I said, we have sex at least twice a day everyday! My paranoia stems from different issues. I cant tell if Im just being nutty or not, Im on a new anti-depressant and wonder if it makes me paranoid? He defiantly seems to have his own major insecurities about pleasing me sexually due to my friends mentioning my sex life with my previous partner. He seems to feel inadequate almost. Do these reasons seems valid to you guys?:

1.We have sex often but still doesnt seem satisfied.

2. He takes his phone into the bathroom with him all the time and often goes into our bedroom and is a lone just messing with his phone.

3. Sometimes when I walk into the room where our computers are it seems like he is instantly click out of windows once I walk in.

Hes very romantic still and very kind to me. He tends to get mad about issues when I question my trust for him which concerns me, but maybe it offends him? He met me as a single mother and truly cares for my son and wants to adopt him. Hes really hard working and very kind. Ive only been in 2 relationships before and they were extremely abusive. So I wonder, is it my self esteem causing these fears and mistrust? Or am I trying to make excuses for obvious cheating behavior? Please Help!!!! <3


May Be Jaded.

If you suspect something, put on your detective hat and get to work.  What you posted is definitely very fishy and it sounds like he may be hiding something.  Check his phone and his computer cache (history) when he‘s not around. You may consider installing a key stroke logger onto his computer but make sure you check your local laws and don‘t tell anyone if you do, especially him.  A woman‘s gut instinct is rarely wrong.  Make sure you have concrete proof before you accuse him or he will just deny it and get sneakier next time.


If you are having sex 2+ times per day, you are totally spoiling your man and he should consider himself damn lucky to have a woman like you because the national average is 3-4 times per week!

Stop feeling guilty and let us know if you need more support or tips.  :)

Little Miss WomanSaver, Site Founder


maybejaded
  Posted: 11/30/2011 2:02 PM Subject: Am I paranoid? ADVICE PLEASE <3!!
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Well I don‘t feel right doing the key logger but I have checked his phone and his web history (which he doesn‘t seem to delete) there were silly things in the history about worrying about his penis size and things he was reading up on how to talk sensitively to a woman who has been through trauma (which I assume is me since I have gone through a lot of trauma. And he is often really curious about my past.). 

But the only thing about sex looked up was him being insecure about his penis size. So maybe he‘s insecurity is coming off to me as suspicious? I‘m not sure. On his phone he seems to only ever call me or his boss (who is his best friend). There are texts to me, his boss, his male friends about getting together with the kids. All really innocent stuff. It‘s so strange...but after looking at all of this I DO feel a lot better. I feel terrible for checking on him like this and may confess this to him. He‘s checked my facebook before and confessed to me that he did. I want to do the same. I hope this really is nothing, but how do you ever really know?


shally
  Posted: 12/1/2011 3:22 PM Subject: Am I paranoid? ADVICE PLEASE <3!!
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Sit down and have a heart to heart with your man and let us know the outcome. I‘m praying for you girl. Much love. xoxxoxooxxo 

supermom21664
  Posted: 12/20/2011 9:38 AM Subject: Am I paranoid? ADVICE PLEASE <3!!
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maybejaded wrote:
SO! I confessed that I looked. We talked it over and he made me feel so much better. He didnt deny anything and was very honest even if he knew I may not approve of it. He told me he hates knowing that I felt upset and wished I had told him earlier so he could help me feel better. He said our sex life is the best hes ever had since we have talked about the what we wanted sexually more and that he has never been with anyone he wants to have sex with this often. He told me to talk to him anytime and if I needed to I could have passwords or am free to look at history or his phone or anything. He said he doesnt mind and if I find something that upsets me he wants to help me feel better.

I feel I am so lucky to have him and feel so terrible for accusing him :(. But he isnt very angry and said he worries sometimes too. He said "When you have something so good it makes sense when you are afraid to lose it right?". Hes so sweet. I think I need to see him buying me a rose as something kind rather than a bad feeling and thoughts of "what did he do?!". I feel much better guys! My advice would be if he doesnt want to talk about it or only makes you feel terrible for snooping than he is a cheater. Hope all is good for everyone!


Hmmmm, if I were you I would continue to watch him. He could be cake eating. I will say the same thing Shally said....Trust your instincts. They are rarely ever wrong.


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