WomanSavers.com Forum / GENERAL / Sleeping with women right away

This question is for the guys on our site:

How do you feel about sleeping with a woman on the first date?  Do you ever feel that maybe you made the wrong decision afterwards, if you did?  Or, do you think it was good to get it out of the way to see if you are compatible?

actually, believe it or not, I have never slept with anyone on the first date.  the opportunity has definitely presented itself on many occasions.

But I believe:

1) it sends the wrong signal, that it is all that I‘m after.  I consider all dates to be potential mates.  If someone isn‘t a potential mate, that means they somehow rubbed me the wrong way, and I wouldn‘t want to have sex with them anyway.

and

2) Since I date to size someone up for being a life companion, I don‘t believe I‘d be starting it off on the right foot by sleeping with them on the first date.

That is not to say that anyone that does sleep on the first date is starting things off on the wrong foot....to each his own.  This is just my view on it.

Now does this mean I don‘t want to have sex with them?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!!  Takes alot of willpower to hold back from someone to whom I‘m attracted, click with, and consider future dates with.

And that is not to say I will NEVER have sex on the first date.....but I will always try to wait.

as far as getting it out of the way and seeing if we are compatible....it doesn‘t have to be the first date to find that out.

having said that, I don‘t believe in waiting months and months....THEN all of a sudden finding out you aren‘t sexually compatible.  there is patience....and there is wasting time.

Thank you ban me for that piece of sanity. To the first guy who wrote: Dude, I doubt sucking up here is going to get any of these ladies to sleep with you. LOL "Life companion?" What the hell? This isn‘t a 1950s Disney film! There is no way you can know if you‘re compatible in any sense if you don‘t have sex first. Sex on the first date is what let‘s you know if a second date is worth it.

Ladies, you say that men dump you if you sleep with them? I‘m the opposite. I‘ll dump you if you don‘t! Life is too short to be playing these pathetic lovey dovey Disney games! We‘re either into each other or we‘re not. We‘ll find out by the end of the first date. If we are, there‘s no reason we can‘t have sex and we‘ll see what happens afterwards.

Sex is how the idea of staying with you will even cross my mind. Honestly, I don‘t have time for these waiting games. In fact, I say we have sex after some coffee before we even go on an official date. That way, we‘ll know that we‘re compatible and the first date won‘t be so nerve wrecking for either of us. Since we already had sex, we‘re now comfortable with each other‘s bodies and can now relax on our date.

Also, to the first guy: You‘re worried that sleeping with them will give them the impression that that‘s all you want? Okay, that‘s their insecurity, not yours. It is your job to convince them otherwise without compromising your principles for some hypersensitive worryer.

Time is money ladies. Put out or shut up. It‘s not the one way street you women make it out to be. You get even more pleasure out of it than us men do. Denying yourselves this great gift is a sign of low self esteem and massive insecurity. Get over it and for crying out loud, start living! Any other point of view is born out of insecurity brought on by a victimhood mentality. You need to empower yourselves ladies! Demand the sex. If he‘s just using you, use him. Don‘t think of it as a one way street. That‘s precisely what leads to you women feeling like disempowered victims. Empower yourselves please!

I‘m harsh because I care!

LOL, Busty!!!  You crack me up.

I admire Mr. True Blue‘s approach to relationships.  It shows he‘s a little more interested in getting to know the whole person than just getting in their pants. 

OMG,  I just love an ignorent troll.

Have a great life,  enjoy all the STD  you get, because with an additude like this and only dating sluts,  I am sure you will die from on of them.

thanks.  make no mistake, I do like to have sex, and I can hold out for a few dates before finding out if I‘m compatible with someone else.  just doesn‘t have to be right away.

I wouldn‘t want to wait TOO long and let too much time to go by.

as far as the 2 choads who are probably posted somewhere up on Rate-A-Guy, I‘ll let you ladies have at em.  Not worth my time.

OMG, I can reason with both sides.  I spent toooo much time on a man who was hung like a 6 year old, with no action nor satisfaction.  And then had a really hard time getting rid of him.   He did the "girl" thing and tried to make me feel guilty for breaking up with him.  LOL  It is true, on both sides...you have to be content intimately.

Then on the other hand  I was really attracted to this other guy and I AM SO GLAD I WAITED.  Once he started opening his mouth and talking he was really into some shall we say different stuff and I‘m glad I didn‘t get that sprung on me with no where to go.

Which brings to mind unpopulartruth,  have you thought about what could happen if you have sex right away and find out later she was psycho woman from hell that you now can‘t get rid of?  I have a friend that happened to.  He would literally have to stalk out his own house to make sure she wasn‘t waiting around the corner before he dared to go home. 

Well, just hold on a minute. If she‘s a psycho anyway, she‘s gonna stalk me regardless of whether or not I sleep with her. Why would sex bring out her crazy gene? If she‘s crazy, she‘s crazy. If she‘s not, she‘s not. Sex won‘t change that.

I honestly can‘t figure out why you women are so hung up on the concept of behavior change after sex. I have never changed my behavior. I always have and always will treat women the same before and after sex (well, okay, maybe I‘ll be substantially more generous and kind to them after, they‘ve earned it). 

But anyway, if she‘s crazy, sex won‘t make her crazier. I can get rid of a woman I don‘t like anytime. Why would sex make it more difficult to get rid of someone? It‘s only you women that complicate matters by thinking that sex caused a magical barrier to be crossed between the two parties so now it becomes emotionally harder to get rid of someone who turns out to be a lunatic!

Take it from a man. It‘s not that serious. Keep it simple. If the woman is crazy and is obsessed with me, than I‘ll probably insist we sleep together even more, because if she can‘t do anything else for me because she‘s psychotic, then she might as well be good for something!

If she gets too out of hand, I‘ll take steps to seperate from her the same way I would if we never had sex. Again, I failed to see the before and after difference. Always treat your partner the same before and after. It‘s basic decency.

If I sense she‘s psychotic, just to be extra careful in avoiding pregnancy, I‘ll simply double bag it.   

Okay, I have two things to say to you, you little hater:

1. First of all, please attack me, and only me! Don‘t you dare ever again attack women whose only crime is doing what you‘re afraid to do - enjoying living - by using disgusting words like "slut" or "whore" to describe them. Does it make you feel superior degrading your own gender like that? It is precisely this type of self hating sexism that really gets to me. Most of these sexually liberated women are the most incredible human beings you can ever hope to meet. Count your lucky stars if you ever meet one of them. They know what it means to treat every moment in life as precious and never waste a second!You ladies can get to know a guy and decide if he‘s your type or not while sleeping with him on a regular basis.

If you end up deciding he‘s not your type, at least you‘ve had some orgasms and getting to know him was not a total waste. On the other hand, if you decide he‘s not your type and didn‘t sleep with him, you‘ve just wasted your precious time! At least get something out of it while you‘re deciding! For crying out loud, you women are trying to decide whether or not you should get to know him first to see if you like him, as if it‘s either/or. It‘s not either/or. Get to know him while you‘re sleeping with him. If you don‘t like him, then dump him. At least you had fun. That‘s what I do with women. I don‘t waste time! 

Us men are allowed to enjoy ourselves but if women try it, they‘re called horrible names, because of course, according to you, a woman can never be fully sexually empowered. If she‘s having a threeway with two men, that poor nasty slut is being passed around by two men according to you. But if a man is having a threeway with two women, those nasty sluts are being used by an evil man who‘s taking turns with both, according to you.  

In other words, us men, according to you, are always in the power position and women are always disempowered victims or, if they actually dare to enjoy it, they‘re screwed up sluts. 

Truthfully, women like you are the female gender‘s biggest problem. Until women find a way to deal with women like you, the female gender will never be fully empowered and fully liberated as it deserves to be!

2. STDs: Wow, someone sure as hell got the crap scared out of her during high school sex ed class! LOL. Sometimes a young man like me forgets the generation he‘s dealing with. Of course, STDs are real, but that is why you use protection and try to be as safe as possible. That‘s all you can do. But a potential STD can never be an excuse not to have sex at all anymore than a car accident can be an excuse not to drive a car! That‘s why you put on a seatbelt. You can get hit by a car tomorrow. That‘s why you look both ways before crossing. Is there still a chance? Of course! The only way to eliminate that is to never cross the street or never drive a car.

But here‘s a question: Are you really going to sacrifice your life to your fears and disempowered insecurities? What‘s the point of a long and healthy life if you‘re miserable and not allowed to live? Everybody dies. Not everybody truly lives!

To all you other women: This is what I mean when I say empower yourselves. You cannot allow your fears and insecurities of what might happen motivate you to stay in your houses and never cross the street or get in a car. If that‘s how you live your lives, you might as well get an STD or get hit by a semi. If you live a life enslaved to your fears, which, for all you know, may not even happen, then what‘s the difference? Be safe, protect yourselves as best you can, and leave the rest to fate! That‘s the only way to live.   

sunny fl wrote:

ban me wrote: ban me wrote: sunny fl wrote: unpopulartruth wrote: Thank you ban me for that piece of sanity. To the first guy who wrote: Dude, I doubt sucking up here is going to get any of these ladies to sleep with you. LOL "Life companion?" What the hell? This isn‘t a 1950s Disney film! There is no way you can know if you‘re compatible in any sense if you don‘t have sex first. Sex on the first date is what let‘s you know if a second date is worth it. Ladies, you say that men dump you if you sleep with them? I‘m the opposite. I‘ll dump you if you don‘t! Life is too short to be playing these pathetic lovey dovey Disney games! We‘re either into each other or we‘re not. We‘ll find out by the end of the first date. If we are, there‘s no reason we can‘t have sex and we‘ll see what happens afterwards. Sex is how the idea of staying with you will even cross my mind. Honestly, I don‘t have time for these waiting games. In fact, I say we have sex after some coffee before we even go on an official date. That way, we‘ll know that we‘re compatible and the first date won‘t be so nerve wrecking for either of us. Since we already had sex, we‘re now comfortable with each other‘s bodies and can now relax on our date. Also, to the first guy: You‘re worried that sleeping with them will give them the impression that that‘s all you want? Okay, that‘s their insecurity, not yours. It is your job to convince them otherwise without compromising your principles for some hypersensitive worryer. Time is money ladies. Put out or shut up. It‘s not the one way street you women make it out to be. You get even more pleasure out of it than us men do. Denying yourselves this great gift is a sign of low self esteem and massive insecurity. Get over it and for crying out loud, start living! Any other point of view is born out of insecurity brought on by a victimhood mentality. You need to empower yourselves ladies! Demand the sex. If he‘s just using you, use him. Don‘t think of it as a one way street. That‘s precisely what leads to you women feeling like disempowered victims. Empower yourselves please! I‘m harsh because I care!           OMG,  I just love an ignorent troll. Have a great life,  enjoy all the STD  you get, because with an additude like this and only dating sluts,  I am sure you will die from on of them. Slut? I think not! You‘re just mad because those lovely women are giving up what you charge dearly. That‘s right gold-digger I‘m on to you! You expect expensive dinners, vacations, and gifts. Good for you, but don‘t mask your true intentions. I know you gold-diggers like to talk about "respect" and "getting to know each other" when you in reality, you‘re just maximizing your financial gain. No thanks! I‘ll stick with my sluts. Yep you busted me,  I am a gold digger.  All I want is money.

Would ya be willing to share it with an English gal????

nikkie wrote:

unpopulartruth wrote: nikkie wrote: ban me wrote: ban me wrote: sunny fl wrote: unpopulartruth wrote: Thank you ban me for that piece of sanity. To the first guy who wrote: Dude, I doubt sucking up here is going to get any of these ladies to sleep with you. LOL "Life companion?" What the hell? This isn‘t a 1950s Disney film! There is no way you can know if you‘re compatible in any sense if you don‘t have sex first. Sex on the first date is what let‘s you know if a second date is worth it. Ladies, you say that men dump you if you sleep with them? I‘m the opposite. I‘ll dump you if you don‘t! Life is too short to be playing these pathetic lovey dovey Disney games! We‘re either into each other or we‘re not. We‘ll find out by the end of the first date. If we are, there‘s no reason we can‘t have sex and we‘ll see what happens afterwards. Sex is how the idea of staying with you will even cross my mind. Honestly, I don‘t have time for these waiting games. In fact, I say we have sex after some coffee before we even go on an official date. That way, we‘ll know that we‘re compatible and the first date won‘t be so nerve wrecking for either of us. Since we already had sex, we‘re now comfortable with each other‘s bodies and can now relax on our date. Also, to the first guy: You‘re worried that sleeping with them will give them the impression that that‘s all you want? Okay, that‘s their insecurity, not yours. It is your job to convince them otherwise without compromising your principles for some hypersensitive worryer. Time is money ladies. Put out or shut up. It‘s not the one way street you women make it out to be. You get even more pleasure out of it than us men do. Denying yourselves this great gift is a sign of low self esteem and massive insecurity. Get over it and for crying out loud, start living! Any other point of view is born out of insecurity brought on by a victimhood mentality. You need to empower yourselves ladies! Demand the sex. If he‘s just using you, use him. Don‘t think of it as a one way street. That‘s precisely what leads to you women feeling like disempowered victims. Empower yourselves please! I‘m harsh because I care!           OMG,  I just love an ignorent troll. Have a great life,  enjoy all the STD  you get, because with an additude like this and only dating sluts,  I am sure you will die from on of them. Slut? I think not! You‘re just mad because those lovely women are giving up what you charge dearly. That‘s right gold-digger I‘m on to you! You expect expensive dinners, vacations, and gifts. Good for you, but don‘t mask your true intentions. I know you gold-diggers like to talk about "respect" and "getting to know each other" when you in reality, you‘re just maximizing your financial gain. No thanks! I‘ll stick with my sluts. You‘re poor aren‘t you Ban Me?  That‘s why you insist on sex on the first date.....you‘re afraid the date will find out you have no money....poor you, poor, poor, poor old you Whoa!!!! Why the hell should any man be afriad of a woman finding out that he has extremely little money, if that‘s in fact the case?  If a man is poor, why would he hide that? Why would he think that that‘s relevant to a woman? In fact, why is that relevant to a woman? Damn, you golddiggers are so easy to spot! I was needling Ban Me, to see just how secure he is in his own worth.  Little did I imagine I‘d hit a sensitive nerve with you....interesting that you responded the way you did.....are you sure you‘re the secure, self confident man that you‘d have ladies here believe? By the way, for the record, you don‘t need a lot of money to court a lady.  It‘s the thought behind the courtship that counts.  Preference for waiting to have sex isn‘t just about knowing whether the man she‘s seeing is the right one, it‘s also to do with respect......though somehow, I‘m not convinced you‘re particularly familiar with the concept of treating people with any degree of real respect. Looking forward to your "harsh because I care" response

Wow, you sure love playing mindgames, don‘t you? Are you a Fraudian? Constantly believing that people have ulterior motives for their responses based on internal psychological insecurities? Constantly thinking people protest too much and therefore must actually be secret members of the groups they‘re denouncing? I like mindgames too, but not these Fraudian types. Sorry sweetie, I don‘t wanna play.

As for respect - that has to be earned! Money has to be earned. Dinners have to be earned. Vacations have to be earned. Love has to be earned. And respect certainly has to be earned.

I had a friend once who was extremely cocky and dominant with women until they slept with him. Once they started sleeping with him on a regular basis, he became, according to them, the sweetest guy in the world. But he wasn‘t a wimp. That sweetness was based on merit. He once told me that after sex he‘ll take the woman out on expensive dinners and all that, but before, he had a policy of spending no more on her than one dollar and twenty five cents (which usually buys only a bottled water). No matter what she did, that was his rule. She could make out with him, give him oral sex, etc... but if she didn‘t have actual sex with him he would always say to her at the end of the date "Here‘s your bottled water sweetheart." Then when she tried to kiss him goodnight, he would turn his face and give her the cheek!

I‘m not as inflexible as he is. I‘ve been known to even buy the woman some coffee at starbucks before sex, but it is true, us men, whether rich or poor, do not want to waste our money and get nothing in return. I‘ve seen chumps spend thousands of dollars on women and get nothing but a cheek kiss (the kiss of death), or the LJBF (Let‘s just be friends) speech, or even worse, the INYIM (It‘s not you it‘s me) speech. I haven‘t been LJBF‘d since age 19, but I still get INYIM‘d occasionally. But at least it doesn‘t bother me anymore because I know that I haven‘t wasted an entire paycheck on this woman for nothing. If I do, it better be for something. 

A lot of females say that they don‘t want to feel as if they‘re being bought. A man who takes a woman to an expensive dinner on the first date is going to have the woman thinking "Oh crap, he‘s probably gonna want something for this. Well I‘m not a prostitute." Indeed, spending money before sex is a bribe, which is disrespecful. Spending money after sex is a well deserved reward.

I have found that women can tell within the first three seconds of seeing a guy if they will sleep with him. As such, those that really wanted to sleep with me will do so regardless of how much I spend and the ones who won‘t, also won‘t regardless of how much I spend. So why spend more than the bare minimum, at least until after sex? I have to have something invested in the woman before I spend anything.

Again, I‘m not as inflexible as my friend but if a woman tells me some BS like "I have a rule, I don‘t have sex for the first six months of a new relationship", I‘m all of a sudden going to turn into him and say to myself, "I hope that bottled water lasts her for six months." The more solid my future investment, the more lucrative the interaction.

You‘re worried about finding the right guy and being disrespected? If a guy is right, he‘ll be right even if you sleep with him. If he‘s wrong, he‘ll also be wrong even if you sleep with. Which means, if he‘s right, you should sleep with him right away, because why waste time? Also, if he‘s wrong, than you should also sleep with him right away because then at least you got something out of it while getting to know him without completely wasting your time!

Same thing with guys who respect or disrespect you. If it turns out a guy is a disrespecful jerk, you may as well sleep with him before you find that out because when you do find out, you can say that you at least got something good out of it, meaning it wasn‘t a total waste. Life is short. You really have nothing to lose.

Which do you prefer - A guy who‘s cocky and harsh until you sleep with him, thus causing him to turn into a sweet caring man, or a guy who pretends to be a sweet caring man until you sleep with him, thus causing him to turn into a jerk and dump you? I am the former. I must be motivated to invest anything (especially money). When it comes to me respecting women, I‘ve been told by some women that I am the sweetest guy they‘ve ever met. I‘ve been told by others that I am the biggest jerk they ever met. Guess which ones did what for me! You want respect and for a guy to emotionally open up? EARN IT!

And yes, I‘m harsh because I care. Lies may bring smiles and truth may bring tears, but in the longrun, truth will earn you respect whereas lies will earn you just disappointment.