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| ywl |
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Posted: 12/4/2008 7:13 AM |
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Subject: How to regain my trust and confidence in our relationship? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 28
Total Posts: 4
Singapore
Singapore
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I need advice and I am really lost at the moment.
I have been with my bf for almost 5yr and my 6th sense always warn me something is wrong till I found out that he may be cheating on me.
2 months ago, i receive smses harassment from an unknown number to me and this person claim to be also with my bf and seems to know a lot about our relationship as written in the smses this person had sent. This person even claimed that my bf is a cheater that i have been cheated by him all these years together. This person calls him a cheater and even insluted me. I called whenever i receive the sms but this person already off the mobile phone. I was emotionally stress up.
I confronted my bf and his reaction was as what stated in this website, he is very defensive and throwing his temper. He was mad at me for not trusting him. He says he is also a victim as he really have no idea who this person is and he is innocent. He just defend in every way and did not admit to it. He asked me to change my mobile number so that this person will not harress me anymore so i did as what he said so in order not to strain our relationship. I chose to trust him.
Unfortunately recently there was an sms send to him from another number and the content is definately from a woman claiming to sms him when she return home. She even called him in wee hours like 1-2am. I felt uneasy and called this number and indeed is a woman. I thought for a while and decided again to confront him although i knew very well he will deny.
After considering that I could take no longer and would end this relationship as i could not accept his nonenses I confronted him and true enough he denied. I told him seriously that I could no longer trust him for the lies he had said and that we could not longer be together. That moment he admit to the sms but did not admit to the relationship. He explain that he do not know this woman is interested in him and the reason he contact this woman is because his friend told him there is a job opportunity in her company and when he knew she was interested in him he back off.
Honestly i feel that was pack of lies. He ask for another chance that he would tell me honestly in future on everything. I felt again soft hearted as i love him very much and looking forward to our marriage to come along. However till now my trust for him had reduced.
Right now if i continue i do not know what i should do to trust him again. or should i end it now to avoid further hurt? Can I trust him again? Can anyone advice me?
Confused and hurt.
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| yasmina |
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Posted: 12/4/2008 8:53 AM |
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Subject: How to regain my trust and confidence in our relationship? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 35
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Total Posts: 1381
If there´s a gay army, I´m their warrior princess
Denmark
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Well, no one can tell you whether to trust him or not as I think this is a conscious decision you have to make on your own.
But, in my honest opinion, any man getting defensive as his first reaction is lying to his teeth. His first reaction should be concern for your feelings of hurt. He is thinking of himself.
Secondly. The price for being in a relationship with this guy: your selfesteem and feelings of worth. Is it worth it?? True love should not be such hard work.
Yasmina
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| kaylar |
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Posted: 12/4/2008 6:57 PM |
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Subject: How to regain my trust and confidence in our relationship? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 57
Total Posts: 393
kingston
Jamaica
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I think everyone who has read your story is about 99% sure that he has another woman who believes she has the ‘rights‘ to him.
A man will lie. They lie and lie and lie and never admit. It‘s like
the Shaggy Song..."But she caught us in the bathroom,"
"IT WASN‘T ME",
Don‘t telegraph your moves, just leave. No argument, no permission, no drama. Just leave. You‘ll get back your self respect and feel better.
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| Tiredmomma |
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Posted: 12/4/2008 8:10 PM |
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Subject: How to regain my trust and confidence in our relationship? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 38
Total Posts: 1970
Right over here
Texas
United States
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Sorry it happend to you. If you have decided to stay in the relationship I suggest that the two of you talk about it. The sooner YOU feel the air is cleared then better.
You can worry about sms‘s about other woman or you can talk it out.
Trust is something that you can loose easily but re-gain very very slowly. It is TOTALLY up to him to work on regaining your trust in him. However don‘t expect it to take a few weeks or months.
Sit down with yourself and "talk" it over. WHAT do you want from him and from your relationship. Is he currently giving THAT to you? Do you think is he capable of giving you what you want?
It‘s a scary thought to be single, but if there i one thing I have learned is this, I rather be poor and single then being disrespected and depressed.
Good luck,
TM
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| ywl |
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Posted: 12/9/2008 8:16 AM |
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Subject: How to regain my trust and confidence in our relationship? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 28
Total Posts: 4
Singapore
Singapore
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Thanks to all who had replied to me.
Actually my bf treated very well and I cannot believe if he is really cheating on me. I do not know what i should do as it seems my world is crashing down to know partial of the issues.
I do not know who had sms me that he is a cheater and who that person had sms him though he says is recommanded by his friend on a job offer.
I am struggling whether to trust him or not. He had long talks with me and keep asking me to trust him and that all these years he only loves me and no one else. If i think back indeed he is very caring and sweet towards me and that I cannot believe if he is really cheating though i do not have concerte proof.
I hope to try again but to rebuild the confidence level and trust isn‘t going to be easy. He promise to tell me everything from now so i wiill not worried like now and that I was thinking if i should continue or to give another few months to see how things goes?
Actually if i do not check i will not know and everything will be as normal. It is so difficult and hard sometimes.
I cannot imagine that he is so sweet and caring towards me all these while and yet he can lie to me but no proof if he is really cheating.
Very confused and down...
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| freespirit22 |
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Posted: 12/9/2008 11:02 AM |
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Subject: How to regain my trust and confidence in our relationship? |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 52
Total Posts: 57
somewhere
Washington
United States
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| ywl wrote: | | I am struggling whether to trust him or not. He had long talks with me and keep asking me to trust him and that all these years he only loves me and no one else. |
So, my question is----If, after five years, he loves you and no one else, why hasn‘t he asked you to marry him?
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| ywl |
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Posted: 12/10/2008 12:36 AM |
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Subject: How to regain my trust and confidence in our relationship? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 28
Total Posts: 4
Singapore
Singapore
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| freespirit22 wrote: |
| ywl wrote: |
| I am struggling whether to trust him or not. He had long talks with me and keep asking me to trust him and that all these years he only loves me and no one else. |
So, my question is----If, after five years, he loves you and no one else, why hasn‘t he asked you to marry him? |
I did wonder about this question too and did ask him as well. The reason he gave me was because he had just switch his job in a new industry and he wasn‘t earning much and had to wait till his job is more or less stable. Then on the 3rd yr he encouraged me to further my studies which i did and he says we had to postpone again because i am busy with both my work and studies and that he does not want to stress me out. He says he meant everything well for me and he always think on my side. And we will get married after my studies. Fortunately i have already completed and he says we will get married next yr Oct. I do not know but I just hope the things he had said are not lies.
Initially i thought things were going well for us. But with the recent sms received from this unknown person I have doubts. I do not know if guys would be sweet and caring towards their gf or wife but yet doing things behind?
Totally confused. Maybe i need to think all over again? I do not know how long i will take to think it thru but somehow my heart is not feeling well.
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| Rubicon |
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Posted: 12/10/2008 2:28 PM |
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Subject: How to regain my trust and confidence in our relationship? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 47
Total Posts: 3
I wish I was in...
Fiji
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I would say you need to go with your gut. My husband was pretty damn wonderful to me for years too, while he was having a full-on affair. Classic Cake Man. Most other women are all too willing to accept scraps of time but it sounds like someone wants you to know what‘s up, perhaps the other woman herself. Some men don‘t fess up unless you have hard evidence.
Seems you have 3 choices:
Live with this man and believe everything he tells you and ignore sms. (What is sms anyway? Text?)
Live with the man and follow up on the next contact, ie hard evidence (then you need to decide whether to work on the relationship or go).
Or kick his butt to the curb now because you know he‘s gaslighting you and it will only get worse.
Good luck to you. I know this all hurts. Please don‘t get married if any part of you feels uneasy about trusting this man.
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| ywl |
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Posted: 12/12/2008 8:02 AM |
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Subject: How to regain my trust and confidence in our relationship? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 28
Total Posts: 4
Singapore
Singapore
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| Rubicon wrote: |
Seems you have 3 choices:
Live with this man and believe everything he tells you and ignore sms. (What is sms anyway? Text?)
Live with the man and follow up on the next contact, ie hard evidence (then you need to decide whether to work on the relationship or go).
Or kick his butt to the curb now because you know heˇ®s gaslighting you and it will only get worse.
Good luck to you. I know this all hurts. Please donˇ®t get married if any part of you feels uneasy about trusting this man.
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Thanks for your advice and reply. I suppose we women would definately not want our husband to cheat outside while he can still pretend to be sweet and caring.
It was a nightmare to me when such things happen though i have no concert evidence except for the sms (short message service, yes is handphone text) i receive from this unknown person and also the text that was send to his handphone but a different number from mine.
It was hard and difficult to go thru as my trust for him is almost to only 10% which is terrible. I thought for long, thought on many things but I do not know how and what my thoughts would give me a definate answer as whether to stay or leave.
I may take your suggestion 2 as to continue with this realationship and monitor what is next.
This is really the toughest and the least i would want to do but i really had no choice. It is painful for me if one day i were to find out the truth.
My friend ask me to find a private investigator to find out everything. Maybe the truth will really makes my heart die. 2 possible outcome that is if it‘s real I will leave and kick him out of my life but if it is not life will continue but he must never find out otherwise things will be worst to knw i am checking on him.
I hope those with similar case would share here how life goes on on your choice you had made? What happen to you when you know the truth and how does things goes on when you stay? Did he improve or change for the better? How did you manage it?
Right now I have phobia of getting married and thinking twice abt it because in a relationship TRUST is very important.
If this is so why did my bf keep mentioning to me but yet he may be also betraying his trust in me?
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