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MESSAGE
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| queer1 |
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Posted: 4/28/2008 10:28 AM |
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Subject: gay boyfriend-husband |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 47
Total Posts: 92
Astoria
Virginia
United States
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Here is just another example of an illusion we call realtionship. You are in a relationship for many years and you suspect your boyfriend is gay. he pretends he is not. you stop having sex as he is into porn, drinking and smoking pot. you pretend this is why you don‘t have sex. You stay because he decides to gibve up[ drinking, smoking pot and porn. You see him flirting with gay men everywhere you go together. You are insulted and humiliated because you think he should have more respect for you while you are out together. You finally realize that it will never be a trustworthy relationship after spending years together - you have finally lost the illusion.
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| Sassafras |
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Posted: 4/28/2008 5:15 PM |
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Subject: gay boyfriend-husband |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 45
.gif)
Total Posts: 348
Nomenhere
Colorado
United States
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I‘m a little confused. Does this mean you‘ve realized your husband or boyfriend is gay?
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| staynjoyful |
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Posted: 4/28/2008 7:02 PM |
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Subject: gay boyfriend-husband |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 45
Total Posts: 2
New York
New York
United States
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| queer1 wrote: | | Here is just another example of an illusion we call realtionship. You are in a relationship for many years and you suspect your boyfriend is gay. he pretends he is not. you stop having sex as he is into porn, drinking and smoking pot. you pretend this is why you don‘t have sex. You stay because he decides to gibve up[ drinking, smoking pot and porn. You see him flirting with gay men everywhere you go together. You are insulted and humiliated because you think he should have more respect for you while you are out together. You finally realize that it will never be a trustworthy relationship after spending years together - you have finally lost the illusion. |
.gif) woah....I‘m a newbie here and the first message i read is this and low and behold it sure sounds like my story :( guess i might be (delusional) in the illusion. My husband had same behaviour [pot, porn (or damn game) and minimal sex] what the hay is up with this DL thing? there has got to be some deep rooted stuff (with them) goin on if a guy is choosing to lead a double life.....stay strong and keep the faith :) (i‘m trying to do the same)
pss: thank you..u really did shed some light on my possible situation (see, I‘m still workin on the delusion as u can see) :(
peace,
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| queer1 |
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Posted: 4/29/2008 7:14 AM |
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Subject: gay boyfriend-husband |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 47
Total Posts: 92
Astoria
Virginia
United States
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It is what I have supected for years but chose to remain in denial as he is otherwise good to me ( ?) . However I don‘t quite know how good it is when you haven‘t been out of the town in the same vehicle more than 5 times in ten years and everytime you have he manages to seek out and openly flirt with blatantanly gay men. I‘m thinking - now what do I do? I always suspected, since he would gladly give me money to go on trips by myself that he was seeing someone else. But when confrtonted last year he denied having "cheated, or having other girlfriend," or the like, as he was heavy into the porn sites.--- HELLO??? So maybe he doesn‘t think having sex with other men is cheating. I finally decided to accept the fact that he is gay when we were actually going 500 miles together for the first time in at least a couple of years, and he just couldn‘t keep from seeking out the gay guy at the rest stop and deliberately attract his attention. I have been deluding myself for years about a possible future with this? I have been disrespected and humiliated yet again. I need to figure out a real long term plan for my future at this point. I am disgusted and tired of living "alone" with this "Mr. Nice Guy" whom everybdy thinks is the greatest guy on earth.
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| queer1 |
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Posted: 4/29/2008 8:06 PM |
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Subject: gay boyfriend-husband |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 47
Total Posts: 92
Astoria
Virginia
United States
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I honestly don‘t really care whether or not the guy is gay. I just don‘t like being treated as invisible and then told I‘m imagining things. Ok, so be gay - good enough , but honesty invokes trust and without trust you have nothing.
It is highly unlikely he will ever admit to being gay as he grew up in a family that likes to brush things under the rug and pretend it never happened. just go along a merry little way.
Nope - no kids together -just a huge extended family including my children and grandchildren with whom he is involved .
Oh well, you are right. I suppose I will just go along with it as long as he is aware that I am not blind nor stupid. I‘ve had my day in the sun and will probably have another.
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| staynjoyful |
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Posted: 4/30/2008 9:01 PM |
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Subject: gay boyfriend-husband |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 45
Total Posts: 2
New York
New York
United States
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| queer1 wrote: | | It is what I have supected for years but chose to remain in denial as he is otherwise good to me ( ?) . However I don‘t quite know how good it is when you haven‘t been out of the town in the same vehicle more than 5 times in ten years and everytime you have he manages to seek out and openly flirt with blatantanly gay men. I‘m thinking - now what do I do? I always suspected, since he would gladly give me money to go on trips by myself that he was seeing someone else. But when confrtonted last year he denied having "cheated, or having other girlfriend," or the like, as he was heavy into the porn sites.--- HELLO??? So maybe he doesn‘t think having sex with other men is cheating. I finally decided to accept the fact that he is gay when we were actually going 500 miles together for the first time in at least a couple of years, and he just couldn‘t keep from seeking out the gay guy at the rest stop and deliberately attract his attention. I have been deluding myself for years about a possible future with this? I have been disrespected and humiliated yet again. I need to figure out a real long term plan for my future at this point. I am disgusted and tired of living "alone" with this "Mr. Nice Guy" whom everybdy thinks is the greatest guy on earth. |
Are you ready to leave this guy? Is he your husband or boyfriend? If husband that can be a little tough in actually deciding to just "go", but honey can I tell you, I JUST DID. It was the hardest thing to just find an apt. There is alot of pain in knowing the one u love, loves other men (makes me so angry) still can‘t quite get over that, but in order for me (you) to move on and get the life "we" deserve, we have to take our lives in our hands and take a leap of faith... afterall what the heck are they gonna give us... (lies) I refuse to not be ignored and treated like a fag hag friend by my own husband. Think about it real hard, please don‘t settle for that life, you are worth soooooooooo much more. This guy is not a "nice guy" he is confused and misleading you, just like mine did.
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