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I will begin at the beginning.
In Sept 2001, the corner market close to where I live was robbed and I thought I knew who had done it. I came into contact with the det. in charge of the robbery, he would come over to show me pictures of some suspects and I told him I could'nt ID anyone. The story could have ended there, but it then it would'nt be much of a story. The det. had asked me some questions, like who lived with me, I never thought he had an agenda, but he did. We started sleeping together. He would come over when he was on duty, we exchanged emails and I called him, and vice versa. he would make some comments to me that made me realize just what kind of person I was dealing with, after all he was a cop, not only was he a cop but he was a detective, he used mind games, manipulation, and interrogation tatics with me, he had ran me through the system, I found this out when I mentioned I was going shopping, he said "you mean your'e going shoplifting." I had never mentioned to him or anyone that I had been arrested when I was 19 for shoplifting.
Once when my brother was visiting the detective saw his car parked at my house, and asked me who's car was parked at my house, I told him that it belonged to my brother, he told me he was going to run a check on my brother's car to verify my story.
When he never made it clear where we were going with us, I did start to date, the det. didn't like this, he told me that he knew the guy I was seeing was married and tried to stir up problems for me.
The det would always accuse me of sleeping around with others, always saying he heard something about me, and this was a constant argument with us.
I had told the det. that I didn't want to see him anymore, and he pleaded with me, he thought that my ending it was because I had been drinking. Well I still continued with him.
The day that he came over, I had left my camera on, you see I had a mini camera set up in my room, so it captured us on camera being intimate. I never thought I would need this tape, but thankfully I saved it.
I had always had my doubts about him and I asked a friend of mine about him and he told me the truth, he said that he was indeed married, I had told him from the start that I didn't want to get involved with a married man. I felt so hurt and betrayed, not only did he screw me over, but he was planning on leaving to another station he had got promoted and didn't plan on telling me. I just felt like he had been playing me and to me it was just another form of abuse and I have seen police brutality.
No he never hit me, but he may as well have. I made a decision to file a complaint against him with the sheriff's dept, the Internal Affairs did their job,they wanted to see the tape of us, you see not only was the det. married but he used to come over my house for sex when he was on DUTY, my tape was proof. I had lots of saved emails, he would engage me in phone sex while at work, at his request I would email him xx pictures of myself for his pleasure, and they all went to his work email.
I had to endure alot of the backlash for coming out with my story, you see my story made the papers and the show A Current Affair did a segment on it too.
I had to and still have to endure backlash for going public with my story. My car was keyed. I really don't know what if any punishment the detective received, and I guess I never will. I found Womansavers when I was really at my lowest moment I was going through everything, the investigation was still underway, I had just lost my sister.
Womansavers was a lifesaver for me, I would read what other woman had gone through and realized that I wasn't the only person that had been hurt by some guy, nor would I be the last. I think having a site like Womansavers gives women a sense of coming together and just helping each other through the tough times in life, and we all have had them.
And if history teaches us anything woman and men from all over the world are dealing with cheating spouses, or drug abuse, or physical abuse, and if you're not then you at least know of someone who is.
Womansavers is a great way for women and men to come together and share their pain, and start the healing process. There is a database where you can add the cheater's name and hopefully spare someone the pain of going through the same situation. Thank you.
Valerie Marinez
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