WomanSavers.com Forum / WOMEN'S ONLY FORUM / Anti-Player Logic - How do we not get played?

Anti-Player Logic - How do we not get played?
This is an important topic to discuss and I‘d really like feedback . Thanks!

OK, so how many of you out there would love to be in a committed relationship, but you keep getting burned by players? Yes, it has happened to most of us. But the reason why so many people are able to become players is because their victims let them get too close, too soon.

However, if all of us united, and forced players to show us respect by being friends first... then most of those lying players would be out of business. Right!

So here are the rules:
1) Make a someone wait until marriage to sleep with you.
2) If rule 1 is too strict, then please be platonic friends for least six months before dating. (hang out in social groups, never 1 on 1)
3) If you start seeing someone, whose past you are not sure about, then check them out with a little research. (See if they are listed on player websites or are frequently using dating websites behind your back. This info is easy to find with google searches or on their computer internet history)

(Note 1: For those of you who may say this is an invasion of privacy, I reply that those who lie and cheat do not deserve to get away with it. So, if you check on someone once or twice and find nothing then there will be no need to keep looking. No problem.)

(Note 2: For those of you who say six months is too long to wait.... I say what is wrong with people being friends for a while? If people go out in groups, and enjoy fun activities, then this is a perfect way to see if you are compatible with someone or not. In the old days people showed each other respect by talking, getting to know each other etc. If people are in a rush to hook-up it usually means they don‘t respect you and just want to use you... )

This waiting/check-up technique really can work, most players are not patient enough to wait around for 6 months to have sex, they will simply move on to the next victim (saving you the betrayal and heartache). On the other hand, an honest "stand-up" person will have no problems being friends for six months or more, especially if they respect you and are looking for true love.  Anti-player logic dictates that "If they won‘t wait, they‘re not your mate!"

I don‘t date anymore. 

When I did date, I generally found that it worked best to be friends first, and in my world, friends don‘t sleep together.

Long courtships work well.  Getting to know someone gradually has a lot of benefits.  You can find out if you really like someone before you invest too much.  Relationships that build gradually often last longer.

You‘re right that the major players don‘t have patience for this, but then there are those who like the "challenge" and will hold out for the prize - only to lose interest once they find it. 

Not getting played also involves being honest with yourself, recognizing a snow job when you see one, and being alert to the telltale signs of someone who is not sincere.  It involves not being so needy that you end up lying to yourself just to avoid being alone.

It takes a lot of self control to do this, and there are still no guarantees that you won‘t get hurt.  But it‘s less likely that you will end up feeling used and abused.

I dated quite a few players.  I think we all have.

You‘re right, Witty, that we aren‘t going to change or influence these people.  They are what they are, and you‘re also right that there‘s always "more than one" person they‘re pursuing.

I found the best way to not get played was to not sleep with them.  I insisted on being "just friends."  It takes a lot of self discipline and self control to do that, and it takes a lot of patience for someone to stick around.  I pretty much found it also separates the wheat from the chafe.  Players don‘t usually want to stick around if there isn‘t something in it for them, and it does something to their ego when a woman doesn‘t want them.  And they really don‘t know how to handle it when you can see right through them, to their real intentions, and call them on it. 

The way to not get played is to not play the game.  Hold out.  Say no.  Refuse to be used.

People jump into bed too soon, too often, before they really know who they are dealing with, and I think that is why a lot of them end up getting burned.  You make yourself too vulnerable too soon.

I also think it‘s important to pay attention to your instincts.  Listen to your intuition.  It will rarely steer you wrong. 

You are absolutely right.  They will play the game for as long as it takes. Its hallmark.  Im convinced it must be the first rule in their handbook.  LOL

Its been my experience to spot a player by his inability to become upset with you.  You can turn them down a thousand times and he will remain the same gentleman from the first time you met him.

Even players like challenges.  Actually,they thrive on it.  Its like they think they can wear you down and they have all the time in the world to.......... wait.

Of course while they‘re waiting they‘re also pursuing others off a very looooong list.

Oh for heaven sakes!  OMG!  You are so far off the mark...It nearly hurt to read your post!  LOL  You know nothing about players.  Stop trying to be one.