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| ashleyb |
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Posted: 1/13/2010 9:13 AM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 43
Total Posts: 15
derbyshire
United Kingdom
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im new here not sure if its in right category but here goes
im on my 2nd marriage, been with him 27m married for 17m, i have 3 girls from first marriage
my prob is husband very controlling and emotionally abusive, he is getting much worse
he shouts at me all the time, puts me down and makes commets about my weight/figure. when i cook for him he says its either raw/orovercooked too cold/hot wrong type of pea/carrot etc the ususally says im go hungry as usual. he never helps around the house saying he is too tired or its a womans job
i dnt work, i have not worked in a while i do not have many quliafications, he has frequent outbursts of rage, sulks and tantrums likea child if he does not get his way, he has made threats to divorve me /leave/live with mummy etc
i used my divorce settlement to pay for the weddind/honeymoo/spending money out of my divorce settlment. ipaid 3 times to clear his debts/overdraft but he keeps on spending money we do not have. i get blamed for everything.
he told be he had no savings, the i find out he had £4k says he forgot he later used it to clear a debt
he has bled me dry.
im alone all day, i have no friends and the only family apart from my kids is my elderly dad who lives in a different town, he is not well, and all husbad talks about is what he will get/buy when he dies!
the main prob in this relationhsip is there is no sex he withholds sex as way of controlling me! he has even admitted it! he knows i like sex ad always ask but he always has an excuse i have a headache/tired/not in mood etc
he is motivated by money and thats all he cares about he has me in tears all the time and he says im using emotional blackmail to force him to have sex with me! not true!
what sort of man says the idea of touching a womans intimate parts makes me want to vomit! he said he ca live without sex. icant
he comments on my clothes, wot give my kids anything sayig there not his so why should he? and doesnt like me going out alone
if i go to shops he follows me! if he wants to go out, i have to go with him!
he says he isin charge of this relatioship! he gives me no help with housework saying its womas work and he is tired
we have little money it goes on his debts/bills
he also has tried the feelig sorry for me routine like when he was "asleep" please dnt leave me!
im so uhappy dt kow what to do
i ahve no where to go or turn too
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| Sunny fl |
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Posted: 1/13/2010 12:01 PM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
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Total Posts: 5643
sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
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| ashleyb wrote: | im new here not sure if its in right category but here goes
im on my 2nd marriage, been with him 27m married for 17m, i have 3 girls from first marriage
my prob is husband very controlling and emotionally abusive, he is getting much worse
he shouts at me all the time, puts me down and makes commets about my weight/figure. when i cook for him he says its either raw/orovercooked too cold/hot wrong type of pea/carrot etc the ususally says im go hungry as usual. he never helps around the house saying he is too tired or its a womans job
i dnt work, i have not worked in a while i do not have many quliafications, he has frequent outbursts of rage, sulks and tantrums likea child if he does not get his way, he has made threats to divorve me /leave/live with mummy etc
i used my divorce settlement to pay for the weddind/honeymoo/spending money out of my divorce settlment. ipaid 3 times to clear his debts/overdraft but he keeps on spending money we do not have. i get blamed for everything.
he told be he had no savings, the i find out he had £4k says he forgot he later used it to clear a debt
he has bled me dry.
im alone all day, i have no friends and the only family apart from my kids is my elderly dad who lives in a different town, he is not well, and all husbad talks about is what he will get/buy when he dies!
the main prob in this relationhsip is there is no sex he withholds sex as way of controlling me! he has even admitted it! he knows i like sex ad always ask but he always has an excuse i have a headache/tired/not in mood etc
he is motivated by money and thats all he cares about he has me in tears all the time and he says im using emotional blackmail to force him to have sex with me! not true!
what sort of man says the idea of touching a womans intimate parts makes me want to vomit! he said he ca live without sex. icant
he comments on my clothes, wot give my kids anything sayig there not his so why should he? and doesnt like me going out alone
if i go to shops he follows me! if he wants to go out, i have to go with him!
he says he isin charge of this relatioship! he gives me no help with housework saying its womas work and he is tired
we have little money it goes on his debts/bills
he also has tried the feelig sorry for me routine like when he was "asleep" please dnt leave me!
im so uhappy dt kow what to do
i ahve no where to go or turn too
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Why do you stay with this man?
What a loser, he is an ass!!
Time to get you sHIT together and become independant.
LEAVE and take your children with you!!
I don‘t know about the UK but in the states he has no right to any money that maybe left to you from your father.
If I was you, I would move in with my father and help him.
No Freaken way would I want to have sex with a man that disrespected my Father that way.
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| learning |
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Posted: 1/13/2010 12:57 PM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 4
Total Posts: 443
Around the Corner
Nebraska
United States
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Wholllllyyyy cow!
Don‘t live like that. Don‘t allow your children to live like that. I lived with a freak (a/k/a narcissist) once. One of the most valuable lessons I learned from it was that life really is too short to waste on people who don‘t and/or can‘t love us.
You have an elderly, not-well father. Are you all he has? If so, go to him, please. Right now, that‘s the man who loves you.
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| ashleyb |
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Posted: 1/14/2010 2:26 AM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 43
Total Posts: 15
derbyshire
United Kingdom
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beacuse i have no where else to go
if i divorce then he has no claim also i doubt he can claim if i leave as we have not been married long
my dads house is not big enough, it is too far away from my kids school and he could not cope with 3 teen girls
he does not know what has been going on,i cannot burden him he is not in the best of health he is 82 im an only child. i will get my own home when my dad dies which i know sounds awful, but i do not have any money. so i feel trapped.
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| shelbelle |
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Posted: 1/14/2010 7:23 AM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 23
Total Posts: 1391
lalaland
North Carolina
United States
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ashley...you said in your post that your main problem is that you dont have sex.
i think your main problem is that you are married to a jerk and it will probably just get worse. if you arent in a position to leave now do things that get you in a position to leave. you do not deserve any of those and for sure your children dont. what are your three girls learning from how he treats and then they see you stay.
the odd thing to me is just my impression that if the sex was good you would probably still stay! you should never accept being treated like this.
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| Sunny fl |
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Posted: 1/14/2010 8:37 AM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 5643
sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
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| shelbelle wrote: | ashley...you said in your post that your main problem is that you dont have sex.
i think your main problem is that you are married to a jerk and it will probably just get worse. if you arent in a position to leave now do things that get you in a position to leave. you do not deserve any of those and for sure your children dont. what are your three girls learning from how he treats and then they see you stay.
the odd thing to me is just my impression that if the sex was good you would probably still stay! you should never accept being treated like this. |
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| ashleyb |
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Posted: 1/14/2010 9:29 AM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 43
Total Posts: 15
derbyshire
United Kingdom
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im afraid of him. im trying to save some money in an account he doesnot know about, i cannot afford to leave, i dnt have enough money to rent anywhere or pay for a removal van.
i enter competiitons and do lotto in hope i may win some money to escape
i walk on eggsshells never know what mood he may be in.
i guess i just miss intimacy and affection, i hope he would change but he has many issues, his hygiene for one, he has very greasy/dandruffy hair he only washes it once every 3weeks, rarely washesor showers, says he is allergic to hot water, and shaves once every 10 days. he has such a fear of the dentist he neve rgoes
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| Sunny fl |
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Posted: 1/14/2010 10:05 AM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 5643
sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
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| ashleyb wrote: | im afraid of him. im trying to save some money in an account he doesnot know about, i cannot afford to leave, i dnt have enough money to rent anywhere or pay for a removal van.
i enter competiitons and do lotto in hope i may win some money to escape
i walk on eggsshells never know what mood he may be in.
i guess i just miss intimacy and affection, i hope he would change but he has many issues, his hygiene for one, he has very greasy/dandruffy hair he only washes it once every 3weeks, rarely washesor showers, says he is allergic to hot water, and shaves once every 10 days. he has such a fear of the dentist he neve rgoes
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I am sorry, but this is sounding like a troll!
Who would want to have sex with a man that doesn‘t bath??
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| sunshine04 |
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Posted: 1/14/2010 12:50 PM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 45
Total Posts: 10
Edmonton
Canada
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I was in a very similar position as you for a while, married to an emotional and verbally abusive man, with two children in our home. Unfortunately, I waited until things got out of hand and he started pysically abusing my child from my first marriage. I fled to a woman‘s shelter and they helped me set up a place of my own and now I‘m independant and don‘t need to rely on him for anything. I found that if you wait to see if things will improve, they just get a whole lot worse! Men like your husband, (and my ex husband) have no feelings or compasion for anyone else and they are extreamly selfish and blame everyone else for the terrible things that they inflict on others. He is wearing down you and your children‘s self esteem with his verbal and emotional abuse, and if you don‘t make an safe escape plan soon for you and your kids, and carry through with it, things will get a lot worse! Also, soon, you will feel that you deserve this horrible treatment because your self esteem is damaged so much from this terrible situation you and your kids are in right now. If you don‘t do this for yourself, do it for your beautiful children who did not ask for this and are living in a situation that is not healthly for them right now. Good luck and God bless you!! My prayers are with you and your children.
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| shally |
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Posted: 1/14/2010 3:26 PM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 3
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sitting pretty on
Isle of Man
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| ashleyb wrote: |
the main prob in this relationhsip is there is no sex he withholds sex as way of controlling me! he has even admitted it! he knows i like sex ad always ask but he always has an excuse i have a headache/tired/not in mood etc
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Wait, what?
Why yes of course that is your main problem because his abusive ways are just such a turn on.
Please please seek help, mental help.
You have teenage girls in your home, you damn sure don‘t want them thinking this is ok behavior. I mean they see him abuse you then they see you being all lovey dovey wanting sex.
Please please seek help, mental help.
Oh and don‘t wait around for dear daddy to die so you can get some money. Show your girls that getting a job and doing it on your own is the way to go. Surely you don‘t want them in the same situation as you and wishing the same thing about dear momma.
Come on - PLEASE
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| ashleyb |
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Posted: 1/15/2010 3:36 AM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 43
Total Posts: 15
derbyshire
United Kingdom
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i do want to leave, i cannot get a job. i hvaen worked in a while. no one wants to know. i dnt know where to turn to to ask for help. he has noit hit me, but threatened to hurt my cats. he has a very nasty temper, i have told him thats, and he says thats not my temper, you dnt want to see me when im really mad. he told me once he broke a mans fingers.
my kids take no notice of him, my eldest is nealry 19 she knows he is weird. i wont bea able to rent a house without income/job
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| Sunny fl |
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Posted: 1/15/2010 8:44 AM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 5643
sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
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| ashleyb wrote: | i do want to leave, i cannot get a job. i hvaen worked in a while. no one wants to know. i dnt know where to turn to to ask for help. he has noit hit me, but threatened to hurt my cats. he has a very nasty temper, i have told him thats, and he says thats not my temper, you dnt want to see me when im really mad. he told me once he broke a mans fingers.
my kids take no notice of him, my eldest is nealry 19 she knows he is weird. i wont bea able to rent a house without income/job
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Why can‘t you work?
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| ashleyb |
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Posted: 1/15/2010 8:50 AM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 43
Total Posts: 15
derbyshire
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beacuse no one has given me a job
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| Sunny fl |
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Posted: 1/15/2010 11:24 AM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
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sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
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| ashleyb wrote: | | beacuse no one has given me a job |
Ashley
People don‘t just give you a job, you have to go out and look and talk to people, don‘t you have a place there that you can go to and they will help you find a job?
Don‘t say you aren‘t qualified for a job, if you can cook or clean you can find employment. It may not be the job you want and you may have to work hard, but i would much rather work my ass off then to live with a controlling pig!
What are you showing your daughters???
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| Alpha89 |
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Posted: 1/18/2010 7:37 PM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 37
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Total Posts: 105
Neverland Ranch
Hawaii
United States
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 I have this same exact kind of husband. He always makes fun of my cooking, although that is subjective. I am not a phenomenal cook but its ok.
My old man is exactly the same. I bought him a watch for our anniversary, wasn‘t good enough so he won‘t wear it. I made him a bunch of chicken enchiladas from scratch on Sat, and I didn‘t do the onions chopped the way he wants them, he wouldn‘t eat it or help me with the dishes the next day. Where I grew up where we didn‘t have a lot, you didn‘t bitch to yours or somebody else‘s mom about the food that got made for you.Then he keeps telling me I need to go on the show "the worst cooks in America." It was funny once or twic,e but he know talks about it a few times a week and it isn‘t funny but abusive at this point, cause I have told him now its not funny anymore. Nobody else is lining up to cook for him. He also makes fun of what color my skin is, even though I have talked to him about it, and can‘t do anything about it.
I would say leave and leave as soon as possible, it isn‘t going to get bettter. It is their problem not yours. You don‘t need to beg others to hang out with you and he is lucky to have you around.
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| ashleyb |
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Posted: 1/19/2010 4:58 AM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver Lurker
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Age: 43
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derbyshire
United Kingdom
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im trying my very best to find work. we have very high unemplyment here, i have applied for lots, i get ignored.
im trying to save where i can, not always easy when my 3 girls need things
im sick of him shouting/yelling ordering/critising me etc
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| Busty Superior |
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Posted: 1/19/2010 6:50 AM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 81
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The Almighty Attitude
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| ashleyb wrote: | im trying my very best to find work. we have very high unemplyment here, i have applied for lots, i get ignored.
im trying to save where i can, not always easy when my 3 girls need things
im sick of him shouting/yelling ordering/critising me etc
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Try a Temp Agency. Revamp your resume. Keep plugging it out there.
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| Sunny fl |
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Posted: 1/19/2010 11:01 AM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 5643
sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
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| ashleyb wrote: | im trying my very best to find work. we have very high unemplyment here, i have applied for lots, i get ignored.
im trying to save where i can, not always easy when my 3 girls need things
im sick of him shouting/yelling ordering/critising me etc
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Keep looking, keep saving, there is a way out of this.
Your daughter is 19 she should be working to help you too.
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| ashleyb |
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Posted: 1/20/2010 2:54 AM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 43
Total Posts: 15
derbyshire
United Kingdom
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i am tying my best
my eldest is doing last axams before going to uni.
something went off at husbands wok yesteday and he is threatening to quit, i asked him what happend but he told be to drop the subject
if he loses his job whee will that leave us? i know he has a nasty temper and has a habit of sweaing at people and telling them what he thinks of them
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| bubblecropper |
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Posted: 1/20/2010 5:13 AM |
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Subject: help me please controling husband |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 32
Total Posts: 1667
dublin
Ireland
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Ashley, I feel all we can give you here is support, kindness and honesty. Now, support and kindness is all very fine, but its not going to solve your problem....and honesty, well sometimes the truth can hurt hon...and people here have tried to be honest, but I don‘t think you are listening.
I think, like many ladies who come here, you are looking for that magic formula which will turn your man into a dream come true and not the nightmare he turned out to be...you are looking for tips and tricks on how to be the type of woman that your man won‘t abuse. Am I right?
If so, then I‘m sorry to be blunt, but you won‘t find that here or anywhere. Your man is controlling because of his own issues, he‘s never going to change, |I‘m sorry to have to tell you that.
So...now that that option is off the table what are you left with? Well, you can stay, and just accept the abuse and accept that your never going to be happy and that your children are not going to be happy. OR...you make a plan to get out, it may take some time, but the quicker you start planning the quicker you can be gone. If you can think of any other options..well, perhaps you could share them with us?
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