WomanSavers.com Forum / WOMEN'S ONLY FORUM / Is It Ever The Woman‘s Fault

My boyfriend is a wonderful guy.  Seriously.  I know people say that alot here, but I actually mean it :).  He cooks, he helps out around the house, and he‘s there for the kids.  I am pregnant and I‘ve been throwing up for months: he has given up seeing his friends, family functions, and a lot of his spare time to hold my hair back and listen to me cry.  He tells me I‘m beautiful even though I look like a heiffer, smell like a garbage scow, and feel like a large bag of roasted crap.

And every two months since we have been together, one girl or another has jumped out of the woodwork, trying to sleep with him.  The first was soon after we got together, she came up saying they‘d been "friends for years" and he was her "best friend" and she "needed him".  She became really angry at me when he took some half naked pictures of her and her sister down off his facebook (I left the clothed pictures) at which point he became "like family" and she told me she "wanted to see him before she moves but doesn‘t want me to be there because i‘ve been so rude to her".

Another one started sending him text messages, saying she wanted to come over.  I finally sent her a message back "you don‘t have him, you have his wife, may I help you?"

"I‘m an old friend of his and I want to come see him"

"That‘s funny he never mentioned you"

"you don‘t have to be so coy.  why are you acting like such  a b$tch" so on and so forth."

At one point, his sister decided to give out his cell phone number to every girl he ever dated, slept with, breathed on, and SHE told these girls that I was sick, and fat, and old and he needs some loving right now, poor guy.

He literally had to threaten one girl to get her to leave him alone.  He has outright told girls to eff off.  We changed his cell phone number, changed the home phone number, and blocked a bunch of them off his facebook account.

But is he doing something to encourage these women?  I think so.  He may not know it, but my boyfriend is guilty of being way tooooo niiiice.  The last time a girl called him he just said "gee sorry, I‘m busy" and then hung up.  He refused to answer her calls after that.  To me, that seemed like an invitation to keep calling and keep trying, but to him ignoring her was a solution.

I guess if he disappears and I don‘t hear from him for a month, that‘s how I‘m supposed to know I‘ve been dumped lol.

So what do you guys think?  Is he a cheater, or just too cute for his own good?  I know a lot of women will go after a guy when his girlfriend is pregnant because they think (wrongly I might add) that she‘s cranky and moody and fat, and he‘s not getting any...in other words, he is vulnerable.

His ex girlfriend said she thought he was cheating because he was always around girls, but they both said the one time he did almost cheat on her was one day at the mall when a girl came up, started a conversation with him, she kissed him, he knocked her over and went to his girlfriend crying and begging her to forgive him.

I told her, and I think I‘m right, why would he admit to kissing some girl, and feel so guilty about it, if he was hiding the fact that he was ****ing the whole neighbourhood?  Seems a little pointless to me....

She cheated on him, of course, to "get him back"  For what, I‘m not sure.

I think men and women who cheat (and the people they cheat with) are just really insecure.  A guy wants to say look at me, i‘m the big man, all the women want me and only me, the girls can‘t live without me, i‘m just the big ol‘ G lol.  A woman wants to say oh look I‘m so pretty and so perfect he‘s totally willing to leave his wife and ruin his marriage, his entire life so he can be with me.  oh yay.

Give yourself a little love once in a while people!

As for my boyfriend, I guess only time will tell.  I can only think of everything he has done for me and the way he has been there for me and the kids, even though he didn‘t have to be.  I do wish these girls would leave us alone because I wonder how many times a person can say no before they can‘t stand it any more?  I don‘t want him having somewhere else to go if we are in a fight.

I think it goes back to what I always say, if there were no where for cheaters to go there would be no cheaters.

that‘s definately why i wonder if he‘s a perv or just spineless.  as far as he is concerned, he says it didn‘t go far enough that he would have thought to stop it.  no-one touched him or tried to sleep with him.

i maintain that there are circumstances that lead to cheating, and if you control those circumstances you won‘t cheat.  if you don‘t control them you are only setting yourself up to cheat, and maybe so that you will have an excuse later.

i consider it cheating if someone is hanging out with other girls who call themselves "friends" but have a severe attitude problem with me, or if he is talking about sex to other people, even online, because to me that is an invitation.

i caught him online once talking to some girl who was bitching about her problems with her boyfriend. he was telling her she should leave him and i told him, what that says to a girl is "you should leave him and come be with me" .

also his big excuse for even having the conversation was that i was asleep.

he didn‘t see anything wrong with the conversation and apparently thinks sex is a normal conversation between men and women

so is he cheating? no.  i always catch them pretty quickly when they are.

will he cheat?  i don‘t know.  he sure seems like the type.

It sounds to me (by what you have described) like he is one of those outgoing, pretty people that people are atrracted to.  Whether because of their looks or demeanor.  I know alot of women like this.  They don‘t see that being nice to some people gives other people the wrong idea.  Hard to say he is cheating since I am not around him.  I think you would have some sort of clue though.  If his time is accounted for I am not sure you should be worried.  However tell him how these women popping up in your lives makes you feel.  If he truly loves you he will figure out a way put an end to it.  He could get sneakier though. 

Another thought is that we all come with pasts.  If your relationship is fairly new it stands that people will be popping up that you didn‘t know existed. 

As for his sister.........what a piece of work.  Watch out for that one!

Congradulations on your pregnancy!  After the baby arrives the yuckiness or pregnancy will be a mere memory and you will have a wonderful gift to hold in your arms!

Nope, it‘s true, but I think Busty is right.  He wasn‘t online looking for other girls to chat with: if the conversation had been on hotornot or plentyoffish or something I would have dropped him in a new york minute.  He was talking to this girl on an rpg (role playing game) called wheel of time.

And yes, he is incredibly attractive.  He is very nice and outgoing, and he doesn‘t understand how being nice can be taken the wrong way.  Also it has mostly been the girls causing crap.  He doesn‘t talk to them or spend time with them.  He bought a new cell phone so they would stop calling him.  They still keep adding him to facebook and trying to contact him.

I used to think it was his fault but now I‘m not so sure.  Girls constantly treat him like he pees apple cider and cums cheesecake.  I can‘t get on the bus without some girl he doesn‘t even know ogling him and giving me dirty looks.

I even talked to his last girlfriend, and she said she suspected him of cheating because there were always girls around him.  Like I said though, the one time one of those girls decided he was into her and kissed him, he got really upset, ran and told the girlfriend right away.  He cried and told her she should dump him for being such an asshole (she told me this, not him).

After she broke up with him, he couldn‘t eat or sleep and barely left his room for a year.  When I met him he had just finally gotten over it.  So I‘m worried about making the same mistake she did, jumping to stupid conclusions without any proof.

When I used to work as a model, the same thing happened to me all the time.  My boyfriends were always jealous because every time I said "have a nice day" to a guy, they thought I wanted to sleep with him. All of my relationships were doomed before they even started.  It‘s difficult to say if it‘s the same with him.

But, it‘s usually easy to catch guys if they are cheating.  With my last boyfriend I set up a fake account on facebook and pretended to be another woman.  Then he started hitting on me and I kicked him out.  If it comes to that, I‘ll figure out the truth. I just don‘t think it has.  Yet.