WomanSavers.com Forum / WOMEN'S ONLY FORUM / Husband had an affair and now everyone says she‘s pregnant

I started dating my husband almost four years ago. He was one of the most amazing men that I had ever meat, he and I clicked on so many different levels. Cheating was one of them. We both had been cheated on in the past and we voweled to not have that happen to our relationship. Our words were "If you think about it then end it before it happens". Life was wonderful for us, April of 2006 he asked me to marry him (after asking my parents permission) we got our first apartment june of 2006 as well as finding out that we were pregnant. Life was still wonderful and was even better when our son was born. We bought our first home in dec 2006 where we would create our family and have the room to do so. We wanted to try and have at least two more children. Well we‘ve been living in our home for three ;years our son will be three in Feb of 2010. Last year my husband lost his job, and at the time his mouch of a brother was living with us and not helping with anything and it caused us to have arguments all the time until we decited to kick him out. Well the arguments stopped and that was wonderful for us. We were happy again. Well long story short. Aug of 2009 my husband started acting strang got a new job and said he had to work late... Some nights he didn‘t get in until after midnight. I didn‘t think anything of it because he was one of those men that never seemed to want more then what he had at home. But the middle of September of 2009 I had 7 different people telling me that he was sleeping with the 18 year old who lives 4 houses up from us. I confronted him and he said that he was not cheating on me and he wouldn‘t ever do that to me. (The hicky on his neck at the time said other wise). Well I ended up confronting her and she told me that they were together and sleeping together. So on Oct 1st I kicked him out of our home. Then on Nov 1st i found out that the day i confronted her about them she found out she was pregnant. So now it‘s going on the 1st of jan and he still say‘s there‘s nothing going on with them two yet he‘s livin with her.... he tells me he‘s still in love with me and does NOT want a divorce etc. Well now I‘ve got 5 different people telling me that she‘s pregnant with his child. He keeps telling me she‘s not.

I don‘t know what to do anymore. He is killing me with all these lies. I love him with every breath, yet I hate him at the same time. I watch our son scream every day for his daddy and it kills me because I wanted more then this for our family. I know I deserve better then this and I know my son does too. Apart of me wants to get a divorce, pack up and move the hell away from this town. But I don‘t want to be the cold hearted bitch that ripps his son away from him. To top it all off. My husband has left me all alone to raise a three year old autistic child.

SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE...I‘M ABOUT TO LOSE MY MIND HERE. I DON‘T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE. I feel like i‘m dead inside and i hate feeling like that.

I‘m so scared to let him go. I‘m afraid that if I tell him to completely leave my life that he will leave and not have anything to do with his son. I know he really does love his son. I feel that he does love me, just not IN love with me anymore.

I don‘t know how to do this. I‘m lost. I have held in for months all my feelings and thoughts that there eating me alive. I want to so badly explode on him and let him know that what he‘s done and doing is wrong. that he‘s not the man that i fell in love with and said I DO to. I want to hate him but it‘s so hard because I love him with each breath I take.

I feel lost, alone, scared, betrayd, angry, sad, hopless, helpless, empty, etc.

I just don‘t understand what it was that i did to make him do this.

Why can‘t he be honest and ture to me? When is it my turn to be loved and treated like I should be. I am not a bad person, I give more then I take and I have done everything for him for the past four years.

I kinda get the vibe from him that he was just cought up in the LUST of it all with her until she found out she was pregnant, and now he‘s lost.

What‘s the truth and what‘s the lies anymore. I feel like i‘m gone to go crazy.

Is this my fault did i cause this to happen and if so what the hell was it. I have all these questions that only he can answer but he wont. He tells me it‘ was nothing i did or didn‘t do that it‘s all him. But if you really love or IN love with soneone you wouldn‘t do this ****. OMG i‘m gone to lose it.

First off I am sorry your are going through this crap.  And it is crap.  You need to ask yourself HONESTLY if can ever move forward with him knowing what you know now.  How damn convienent for him to move in with her.  That tells it all right there.  If he is any kind of man he will take care of his son and stay in his life whether you are together or not.  Don‘t kid yourself, life is not what you thought it was and will not be in the future.  Do yourself a favor and start fresh without him.  You can never trust him again.  You deserve better and so does your son.

find all the money. take it. hide it. keep it.

file for divorce as soon as possible. be all sweet and tell him anything that gets you off the legal and financial repondsibility for that dirt bag.

your son deserves a life away from his lousy stinking low life role model of a father. that takes money.

take everything you can get, everything you can carry and make tracks woman.

Thank you all for the advice, I do want to make one thing clear here. HE‘S A WONDERFUL FATHER TO OUR SON!

I don‘t know what happen to me and him this past year but it‘s not the same as it was when we got married. I do love him, even now. And that‘s the other hard part for me. I don‘t know how to let go of that. I‘m not saying what he‘s done is right so please don‘t think that. I just don‘t know what to do at this time.

When i was 9months pregnant he and i got into a wreck and i‘ve got nerve damnage on the right side of my body and my back is so messed up that i‘m still after three years not allowed to pick up anything over 10lbs. They have not put me on disability yet they the doctor‘s wont let me go back to work. So at this point i‘m SCARED that I‘m not gone to be able to take care of my son. What kind of job can i get that pays good that I can do without making my medical issues worse. I‘ve started my own company yet the economy is bad and my company isn‘t making much. Not enough to live off of after all the expences are figured in.

My husband right now is paying our bills, not on time but there still getting paid. He pays for what ever me and my son need or want. I know that it sounds bad but I let him, cuz i can‘t do it  myself right now.

I‘m just so tired of being alone and taking care of my son alone. It‘s not right...I didn‘t create him myself so why should i be the only one to deal with him. Having a young autistic child is hard. And for those who know how it is taking care of a special needs child by your self or with someone know what I mean. I get so tired and there‘s days that i just want to give up and run away. But I know that I can‘t for the sake of my wonderful little boy who has really no one but me.

My husband say‘s that he‘s not gone to stop being involved with our son‘s medical apts and programs. It‘s hard on us all. But I feel that no matter what I‘m still alone. I‘m the one up 20+ hrs a day. I‘m the one who listen‘s to the screams, and fits etc. Were in so many programs (just started going) but I‘m not sure if I can handle it all. I need ME time and I never get it. My family wont watch my son because they can‘t handle him and they don‘t really know how to handle him. So it‘s me and only me.

me, me, me, slut slut slut.

1. It is not your fault.

2. The other girl is not a slut.  She is the reason why cheaters often hang out at high schools looking for very young girls.  Girls who are innocent and naiive enough to still believe in a fairy tale.  Girls like you were, when you met him.

He keeps telling you he wants you back but he is living with another girl.  Oh, he‘ll go back to you if you let him.  And he‘ll keep up with her if she lets him.  And he‘ll sleep with any other girl if she lets him

3. Can I just "out" another of my favorite lines here?  Cheaters love to talk about cheating.  They love to talk about how they have been cheated on before, and it hurt them so much, and they would never do that to anyone.

Yes, you got played.  And yes, it hurts.  If you ask me you  and the eighteen year old four doors down (who I‘m sure has a name, and probably had an entire life plan before your dickwad should-be ex husband screwed it up) should get together, go out, and meet some guys worth meeting.  if her parents don‘t send her to a nunnery for hanging around some filthy old perv in the first place.

4. Please don‘t use your children as an excuse.  Do you think your son should be raised with the morals this scumbag will teach him?  No.  If his father cared about him, he wouldn‘t be screaming for dad because dad would be visiting him.  You can‘t keep him from seeing his child because, simply put, there are laws about that. 

Yes, the girl is a SLUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She was well aware that he is married and has a child with me. Due to she‘s been inside my home more then once when she was dating my brother in law. So she in NOT an inacent bystander. She knew what she was getting into and she had the CHOICE as well as he did of saying YOUR MARRIED. IF YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME YOU NEED TO END THINGS WITH YOUR WIFE AND GET THAT TAKEN CARE OF FIRST BEFORE WE CAN HAVE ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP.

Hello, really. Shes not one of thoes lil girls who didn‘t know what she was doing. She knew from the start. Hell she knew before things got going with them and she should of told him look your married. Or he should of said, yeah i have feelings for you etc but i need to end things with my wife. Hello, neither one of them have BALLS. She‘s scared to death of me and you know what she should be. I don‘t feel sorry for him or her hell ore even me. I feel sorry for the children he‘s created because no matter what someone is getting left out. My child or Her‘s.

As for him, yes I do HATE him for what he‘s doing to us. No it‘s not right, no I‘m not making excuses for his ass. But i can‘t and will not hide the fact that i love him still. I should not feel as if i am in the wrong or that i did something wrong here. I‘ll be damned if i‘m gone to allow him or anyone else make me feel as if i‘m the bad guy here. I didn‘t stick my dick into her and get her pregnant. And I‘ll be damned if i‘m gone to let my son treat wemon like that when he gets older.

I‘m better then that and I‘ll make sure my son is too.

Lostwife:  I am sorry for your heartache and your dilemma.  It‘s not easy to contemplate divorce when you have a child on your hands, and a special needs child at that.

His being a "wonderful father" does not make him a good husband.  Nor does a cheating, lying husband make a good role model for children, especially sons.  He can still be a good father - even if you are not married to him.

If you stay, it communicates loud and clear to your husband that you have no self respect and no self esteem, and that you will put up with anything just to not be alone.  That will make him respect you even less.

If you are willing to put up with his lies, excuses and rationalizations, then you are saying to the world that you don‘t deserve better.

It is okay to be scared.  It is okay to hurt, feel sad, and to mourn the loss of your dream ( a happy marriage).  It is good to be realistic about the hardships of single parenthood, and to admit that you are afraid.  That is what will eventually give you the courage to face it.

But never, ever compromise your dignity and self respect for a man.  Don‘t let him use you, and don‘t let him play it both ways. Maintain your dignity and self respect at all costs.

Life is what happened when you were busy making other plans.  You would not be the first to be devastated or disappointed to see your dream die.  You didn‘t let him down - he let you down.  Refuse to let this guy continue to drag you through the mud.  Life is precious and far too short.

You can - and will - be happy again.  You deserve better than this.

And don‘t waste time labeling the 18 year old a "slut" and blaming her for the infidelity.  Your husband is the "skank."  He is also the "adult" in the situation and the one who truly betrayed you.  He is the one who promised to love, honor and cherish you for life, in sickness and in health.  He is the father who chose to abandon his wife and his child for a "piece."  Trust me - there will always be another "slut" - and cheaters are very good at wooing, charming, and seducing.  Who knows what crap he has said to her. 

You know this much.  You could never trust him again. 

Let him go.  You deserve more out of life.

I am so sorry for your pain!

You have been thru this twice now, it really sucks.

Yes she is a Slut,  I agree.  She is a stupid young girl that thinks prince charming will take care of her forever.  Little does she know he will not.

Who says that you have to divorce him right away?  Let him pay the bills while you get your life together.  Let him see his son,  You need to worry about you!  You need to find a way to be independ of him!  He should have to pay child support,  but he will get tired of supporting you and the slut both!

I understand your pain,  I understand your heart ache.  But if he isn‘t willing to tell you the truth,  there is no forgiving him!

He has to tell you the truth!  If he wants to be forgiving  if he wants you  then he will fess up and tell you the truth.

I am so sorry for your pain!

It‘s ****ty....and i know that i deserve better then this and i know that maybe someday i will have better. Im not stayin with him. He comes to see his son and he is helping with all bills for now. He‘s doing this out of obligation and GUILT that I‘m aware of.

I‘m trying to move on with my life, but apart of me still feels that i can‘t MOVE on with my life cuz were still married and i‘m not the type to pull adultry. I don‘t beleive in it and I know how if feels. Even though he‘s clearly moved on with this girl and having a baby with her from what everyones saying even his best friend told me she was.

His best friend told me that he started having feelings for the girl and didn‘t know what to think about it all. then one night they were out together and it just happened. That he was gone to tell me about it and be honest with me, UNTIL he found out she was pregnant...and at that point i found out that he was cheating on me. So he feels that he can‘t come back home and work things out. And he don‘t want to be with her but he‘s not the type of guy to say f you when she‘s having his child.

But reality is and he needs to see this he can‘t be married to me and be having a baby with her. I‘m not allowing it. I want a divorce, just can‘t afford one right now. So it is what it is until we can get the money to get one. I‘m making him cuz I‘m not gone to be with someone who can‘t love me and be honest and faithful to me.

As for my emotional issues and my son. I‘m all he has right now and I‘m not leaving him anywhere. I‘ve taken care of my son since birth and by showing him that mommy is strong and mommy and him will be okay again...will make him that much better of a lil young man one day.

Life is full of bs and you have to pick and chose your battles. Well the battle I choose is the battle to move on and show my son that you don‘t have to have someone to be happy or to make it in life. That you can be indapendent and still live, love, and enjoy life‘s many treasures.

Good for you!

Take back controll!

I agree that there is no working this out,  he will not be honest and you can‘t forgive somebody that is still telling lies.

I don‘t belame you one bit.  It must really suck living so close to them.  I bet it eats that immature slut up everytime he comes and see‘s his son.

My ex wh*re would always bitch if he came over to see the boys.  She though he was screwing me. hahaha  little did she know that I wouldn‘t touch him after he lowered himself enought to screw her!

I read through your posts and I understand your pain.  Kaylar‘s replies were all right on the money (except leaving your son in an institution, here in the states that is not a good thing, in Jamaica that is a smaller community with some really great people I might add) .

You need to file for child support immediately!  Here is why.  If she has that baby before you do and files for child support SHE will get the first support taken out of his checks.  If you file afterwards, your case is only considered the second and you get the left overs.  You will get less than her EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE THE WIFE.  Whomever files first is what matters.  Dumb, I know but I think it is important for you to know why you should move on with a divorce quickly.  Otherwise because the two of you are married, you may also be responsible for her child.

You cannot afford financially at this point to not see an attorney.  Drain his bank account, and hire one.  Let him worry about the bills.  He brought this one on himself.

He has been playing you.  My husband told me the story on how his ex-wife cheated on him too.  Seven years later I meet her sister...it was him that cheated on her. In fact that was why he lost his job.  He cheated with a married woman and he was the corporate trainer.  Now...it all adds up.  My husband lied to me and told me it wasn‘t true.  Then because I believed all the crap he was feeding me he didn‘t respect me and became abusive.

GET OUT and be mean about it.  Find another place to live away from what is going on so that you can be calm for your son and have some sanity.  You should also let your husband be the good daddy.  He can take his son a couple of nights a week.  Let the slut listen to him scream.  That should be romantic. :)  See, right now he has the best of both worlds.  He doesn‘t have to do any of the work, or take on any of the responsibilities.  It‘s time you gave HIM something to worry about.

Good Luck!  MissL

I never thought about it in that aspect of letting him and her deal with the screams etc. I guess I‘m just selfish and I don‘t want her around my son. Plus she has no clue how to handle a special needs child and I‘m afraid that she would maybe not knowing but make a bad situation on handling our son. See i know that my husband will NOT allow anyone to yell at our son etc because we DON‘T because he‘s special needs and he doesn‘t understand the anger or upset part of why he‘s being yelled at he just gets scared and screams and screams. So i‘ve just been afraid to let him leave here with his daddy cuz i fear that she won‘t be able to handle it and my son be the one to be all upset and confussed. Since he‘s living there basicly all his **** is here. I‘m telling him that he needs to either get his own place or go to his parent‘s house fri through sun and spend the weekends with his son. Everyone says maybe you should let your husband stay at your house and you leave for the weekend....I would if i could trust that SHE wouldn‘t be in my home. Yet I can‘t trust that one.

Every time he and I are talking and it leads up to US he walks out the door and now it‘s to the point where we don‘t talk about anything but our son and he will NOT call me back or text me back when i call or text him. I‘m over it all and to the point where i could care less what he does. I have to find a way to move on without him and live life for me and my son.

Lost,first let me say that I really feel your pain. Dealing with the pain of infidelity is horrifying within itself. I too have raised an autistic child pretty much by myself. I am going to post some tips for you.

1. File for child support immediately!!!!!!

2.File for SSI for your son based on his autisim. He will more than likely get it right away. (My son did)

3.Get a custody order in place! Hammer out who is taking the child to what DR appt. or what therapy session. When dad goes to Dr or therapy you need to use that time for YOURSELF!

4.Look into programs thru yourlocal Mental Health association. Most of the time these state funded organizations have what is known as "respit", This is where your child can stay overnight at a secure facility and you can get a good nights sleep.

5.I would not leave the c hild with the 20 something slut. She is not old enough nor mature enough to understand how to swallow a birth control pill so why would she look after your c hild?

Lastly, let me assure you thayt there is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel! With thye proper medical treatment and therapies your son can be a productive member of society!

Oh and one last thing, ignore Kaylar, she has NO F@#$%^& idea about raising a special needs child. Do not instutatioalize your son! No good will come from that!