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| Wannabeachday |
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Posted: 11/15/2009 10:20 PM |
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Subject: Emotional Wars |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 28
Total Posts: 6
Katy
Texas
United States
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I found this site a few years ago and thought it definitely was a life saver with all the wonderful advice and support. I had a horrible marriage cheating husband and finally decided to leave him. The divorce has been final for a little over a year now. The only ties we have with each other is our house. When I left my ex had another woman visiting and spending the night in my house 3 DAYS after I left him! I moved out and he lived in the house. He decided to move in with his new girlfriend when only knowing her for 6 months! The good news was he was out of my house and was not using it as a love nest for him and this girl. They got an apartment and he moved about 45 mins away. We leased the house because we couldn‘t‘t sell. We only have dealt with each other when we had to now it coming up soon that lease will be up in April. In Feb we can put it back on the market. I have a few issues I am not sure how to get through without having to pay for counseling. We split the mortgage before and that was fine when I wasn‘t in school. At first I asked him if he wanted to take the house and clear my name off it, he said he would really think about it. That him and his girlfriend need to get there financial situation together. After thinking about it, I can‘t get past this. I work full time and go to school at night and pay for everything myself. I can‘t afford it when the house goes back on the market and it we can‘t sell it we are back making the payments. It would take a huge burden off me if the house is gone but I can‘t get past him being back in town and him and this little girl living in my house all cosy. I have a wonderful NON cheating man now and I love him so much but I still get so angry and sick over the though of my ex moving back into my house with his girlfriend. Its so insulting. What should I do and how do I get to the point where I don‘t care what he does and with who?!?!?! I have been fine up till the thought of him coming around here again and living in our house! I get so emotional again and I dont get it.
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| shally |
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Posted: 11/16/2009 8:01 AM |
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Subject: Emotional Wars |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 3
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Total Posts: 2420
sitting pretty on
Isle of Man
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Click on this link to another thread. See Busty Spumonte? Underneath her avatar it says, Send a note. See it? Click it, ask her to read your thread. She is our Real Estate expert.
Oh Star...........I got you a present.......
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| shally |
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Posted: 11/16/2009 8:05 AM |
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Subject: Emotional Wars |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 3
Total Posts: 2420
sitting pretty on
Isle of Man
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As for the emotional side of your question. You are doing great, I think. You have found a great guy and are moving on with your life.
Letting go of all the other will take time. Matters of the heart always do. It seems when we try to rush the, ‘getting over‘ part it just beats on us more. So this is what I suggest. Allow those feelings to wash over you. Don‘t deny yourself to feel those feelings, they‘ll only hang around until you acknowledge them. Give the thoughts a few moments of your time and then, move on. Soon enough the part will dissipate and the memories will sting less and less until before too long, they‘ll be a distant memory. And it will happen. Trust me on that. :)
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| Sunny fl |
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Posted: 11/16/2009 11:32 AM |
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Subject: Emotional Wars |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 5643
sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
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You will get there!
I still have days when somethings bother me. Today is my ex birthday, I thought about him a few times because of it. I am now to the point that I don‘t feel like I missed out on anything since we are not together.
I remember hearing that he was taking his Wh*re on a vacation, it upset me, but then I realized, she isn‘t going to have any fun anyways, he will get drunk spend loads of money and pass out. hope she brought a good book!!
I am glad you have moved on. Think about it this way. I am sure he use to be your first though every morning and your last though every night. I bet he isn‘t that anymore!
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| Busty Superior |
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Posted: 11/16/2009 6:46 PM |
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Subject: Emotional Wars |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 81
Total Posts: 2357
The Almighty Attitude
Djibouti
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Geez my ears must be burning!
Will the current tenant consider going month to month?
You should really consider renting on a month to month basis. I wouldn‘t let the ex and the bimbo move in. Get something in writting that the tenant agrees to having the home in a clean and orderly fashion and allow realtors to make appointments to show. I‘d also price the home competetively to secure a fast sale! Dump it! Move on!!
Your realtor might even know someone waiting to get into a home that needs temporary housing. Good luck!!
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| Wannabeachday |
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Posted: 12/24/2009 9:58 PM |
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Subject: Emotional Wars |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 28
Total Posts: 6
Katy
Texas
United States
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Thank you all for the wonderful advice. Only choice we have is renting it out again. The house will not come close to what we owe. To make things worse, I found out that he asked the dumbass to marry him. The best part the SAME place he asked me! I know it shouldn‘t bother me but it made me sick to my stomach all day.....
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| Busty Superior |
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Posted: 12/26/2009 8:38 AM |
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Subject: Emotional Wars |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 81
Total Posts: 2357
The Almighty Attitude
Djibouti
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Will the bank consider a short sale?? Doesn‘ hurt to call and ask.
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| Miss Luvly1 |
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Posted: 12/26/2009 1:58 PM |
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Subject: Emotional Wars |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 1027
The Rondanthe
Minnesota
United States
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I am thinking that if he wants to marry her and live in the same house as before then HE needs to take you off the mortgage.
I know it has got to hurt like hell, but remember one thing:
He will not change. She will be living in the same exact hell that you were in. It‘s like a relationship vortex of a sort.
He can‘t even come up with a new place to ask her to marry him, he‘s just filling the void.
He does not feel like you or I or the normal person does. You and the new girlfriend are just pawns in his life. Take the time to heal. Of course this is going to hurt. It also hurts that he seems to have no remorse, doesn‘t it? That is ultimately why you divorced him.
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| overandout |
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Posted: 1/4/2010 11:15 PM |
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Subject: Emotional Wars |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 61
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Total Posts: 111
spokane
Washington
United States
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| Wannabeachday wrote: | |
Thank you all for the wonderful advice. Only choice we have is renting it out again. The house will not come close to what we owe. To make things worse, I found out that he asked the dumbass to marry him. The best part the SAME place he asked me! I know it shouldn‘t bother me but it made me sick to my stomach all day.....
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I am SO sorry for the emotional grief he continues to push at you. I am in much the same situation and I understand completely the ‘stomach-churning‘ that happens. of course you don‘t want that Wh**e in your home. I wouldn‘t either! having that house together is holding you. like me, you need to get outta there. new life, different memories. my husband and I are not yet divorced, he lives with ‘her‘ in her place, not far away. it‘s horrible for me. I cannot clear enough on the sale of my home to start a new life. the house holds us both. getting rid of the house has got to be my top priority in the coming spring. once we are completely severed, I cannot know as much as I do. my husband took his ‘thing‘ to the very same places he took me when we were dating. good grief. they don‘t have the creativity of a gnat! lately I keep reminding myself of so many things I have back, now that he is her problem. try to keep moving forward. if you take a loss in the sale, doesn‘t he have to split that loss with you? I know it‘s dreadful. just trying to think. renting is never all that great because people don‘t treat your home as well as you and then you have to fix it before you can sell it. if you can rent ‘under market‘ as busty suggests, to have the house ready to show constantly maybe you can get a really stellar family in there for several months. good luck. bless your heart. glad you are here.
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| Rhiannon |
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Posted: 1/9/2010 9:56 AM |
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Subject: Emotional Wars |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 0
Total Posts: 3518
Lacey
Washington
United States
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It hurts when the ex remarries. It hurts when another woman takes over "your" former life. It‘s a major blow to the ego and the ol‘ self esteem.
Everyone is right, though, They carry on old behaviors in new relationships.
I remembered feeling a twinge of pain when I heard that my ex-husband was going to remarry (the first time). There was a momentary twinge of jealousy, until I realized, "Oh yeah! He‘s somebody else‘s problem now!"
His second marriage didn‘t even make it a year.
Let go of the house. Let go of the memories. Let go of the old baggage. Better things are in store for you.
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| kaylar |
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Posted: 1/9/2010 3:44 PM |
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Subject: Emotional Wars |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 57
Total Posts: 438
kingston
Jamaica
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| Rhiannon wrote: | |
It hurts when the ex remarries. It hurts when another woman takes over "your" former life. It‘s a major blow to the ego and the ol‘ self esteem. Everyone is right, though, They carry on old behaviors in new relationships. I remembered feeling a twinge of pain when I heard that my ex-husband was going to remarry (the first time). There was a momentary twinge of jealousy, until I realized, "Oh yeah! He‘s somebody else‘s problem now!" His second marriage didn‘t even make it a year. Let go of the house. Let go of the memories. Let go of the old baggage. Better things are in store for you.
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You brought up a key point here.
In almost every case I have seen Husband marries slut.
Husband is either unfaithful to slut or slut is unfaithful to
husband.
the marriage doesn‘t last very long SAVE AND EXCEPT
when the ex-wife hovers around, and they need ‘to prove‘ to
her how ‘happy‘ they are.
As soon as the ex-wife is gone; that‘s it, she was the glue that
held them together.
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| bubblecropper |
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Posted: 1/12/2010 4:34 AM |
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Subject: Emotional Wars |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 32
Total Posts: 1667
dublin
Ireland
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| Wannabeachday wrote: | |
Thank you all for the wonderful advice. Only choice we have is renting it out again. The house will not come close to what we owe. To make things worse, I found out that he asked the dumbass to marry him. The best part the SAME place he asked me! I know it shouldn‘t bother me but it made me sick to my stomach all day.....
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I was keeping an open mind on him until I read that he proposed in the same spot he proposed to you. Up to then I was thinking, well, maybe this time he‘s found "the one"...but no...thats not the case...if it makes you feel better this man‘s an unintegrated robot...meaning, he‘s totally out of touch with his emotions and if he‘s out of touch with his emotions then (a) he can‘t possible feel "love" for anyone and (b) he can‘t possible feel "love" or any other emotion FROM anyone. So god bless him he‘s got a tough ride ahead and so has any woman who gets involved.
As to your feelings on him moving back in you‘ve got two choices...you either steam and fume over it, meaning you‘ll feel awful, depressed and angry and he‘ll feel.....nothing. OR you let it go, put it down to experience and concentrate on the positives in your life.
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| Wannabeachday |
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Posted: 1/14/2010 10:47 PM |
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Subject: Emotional Wars |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 28
Total Posts: 6
Katy
Texas
United States
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| bubblecropper wrote: |
| Wannabeachday wrote: |
| Thank you all for the wonderful advice. Only choice we have is renting it out again. The house will not come close to what we owe. To make things worse, I found out that he asked the dumbass to marry him. The best part the SAME place he asked me! I know it shouldn‘t bother me but it made me sick to my stomach all day..... |
I was keeping an open mind on him until I read that he proposed in the same spot he proposed to you. Up to then I was thinking, well, maybe this time he‘s found "the one"...but no...thats not the case...if it makes you feel better this man‘s an unintegrated robot...meaning, he‘s totally out of touch with his emotions and if he‘s out of touch with his emotions then (a) he can‘t possible feel "love" for anyone and (b) he can‘t possible feel "love" or any other emotion FROM anyone. So god bless him he‘s got a tough ride ahead and so has any woman who gets involved.
As to your feelings on him moving back in you‘ve got two choices...you either steam and fume over it, meaning you‘ll feel awful, depressed and angry and he‘ll feel.....nothing. OR you let it go, put it down to experience and concentrate on the positives in your life. |
Yea I have come to terms with that, he has no heart just a sack of skin and bones. Turns out he can‘t even refinance the house in him and his new girls name. So we are still suck with the house. You are so right, why waste my time on him and make myself sick over it. I am very blessed in my life and have everything going for me. Thank you for reminding me 
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| overandout |
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Posted: 1/25/2010 2:51 AM |
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Subject: Emotional Wars |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 61
Total Posts: 111
spokane
Washington
United States
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| Wannabeachday wrote: | |
You girls are so right. There is a reason I left him and he is HER problem now. I can say it hurt like hell, but I do remember the hell I was in married to him..that does keep me afloat. Well the lease is almost up and he is moving in with her in a few months. Good news, it takes me off from paying anything on the house but the end of year taxes. It kills me he will be 5 mins from me but I will be saving my money. Thank you girls for all the advice and good thoughts...its good to be able to talk about it to people who understand.
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wow. you‘ve certainly done better than I did! impressive! I was so caught up in the drama for so long, and I loved and missed him. it took me a long time to recognize what a weenie he is. and such a liar!
now he IS her problem. and, as I‘ve pulled back he has only her to contend with. he was so accustomed to talking to me, and i was always so supportive. in essence, he still had us both. now, it‘s all business. I am so grateful not to have my money tied up in his inability to save, so happy not to be wondering why he lies about such stupid little stuff, and frankly thrilled the sex that he thought he was so good at, is finally her issue. yep. life can be better than you thought. hang in there.
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