WomanSavers.com Forum / WOMEN'S ONLY FORUM / I have returned for advice

Has he gone to rehab?

You are not an asshole magnet.

He needs help,  does he have any family that could help him?   Do you think he can stop using? 

If you stay with him and he doesn‘t stop using,  you will come home one night and he will be dead. 

If he won‘t get help,  get out!!

Hi again..

I think his family have given up on him after all these years. I think they were glad when I came around coz they had someone else to take over.. haha But seriously, I have learnt very quickly that an addict is also a good liar. Maybe I am wrong and he hasnt started up again, what worries me is the suspicion, like unfaithful men, will always be there, I know coz I had one of those too!

It is so nice to be back again and get some honest feedback from everyone on this site.

You cannot save him.  You cannot help him.  You cannot change him.  Only he can want to help himself from his addiction.  Are you sure he even gave up heroin at one point or just hide his use better?

Heroin is his lover.  It will always come first.  You will not be able to compete with it.  If your gut says he is using, he is using.

You are not an asshole magnet.  You are a caring person.

Ditto! That is such a hard road...He has to want it...and it‘s not your place to push him that way...It will hurt you and not neccessarily help him..

These are not your bad choices...These are his.

Thanks so much Guys!! I know all of this in my heart but I needed to hear it from other women, heroin is his lover (so well put) and the pull for it is life long. And to be honest I am not 100% sure that he did ever give it up completely coz when they are very stoned they have droopy eyes and genuinely fall asleep, but if they dont take too much they can still function properly without being caught out.

Thank you again for you kind and very honest words..

Ok Girls... I dumped him!!

I am alone yet again but free from worry!

Thanks for giving m the courage to do what is right!

Good for you!!!

I‘m glad you were strong!!!!

Worry free is good.  It doesn’t cause wrinkles.  You know you will be just fine.  Being alone certainly has its good points!

Good article Kaylar.  I know friends thought I was about to go over the deep end with depression when I first kicked my husband out.

It takes time to heal after an abusive relationship.  I had to quit looking at myself as the victim.  I started feeling compassion for myself when I cried and then just accepting the tears.

Now they are fewer between.  Some anger, but mostly realization of what he truly is.  He is an emotionless monster who uses people up.  He doesn‘t want someone to discover his faults. 

I tried going out to the clubs or bars with my friends a few times.  A few was all I really needed.  I am kind of bored with that.  I hadn‘t realized how bad my wardrobe was.  I was always trying to make sure everyone else had what they wanted or needed.  I bought some new clothes.

I changed my bedroom...added embroideried pillows and comforter all in red satin.  I painted 3 rooms in my house and painted my outside door red.

I then wanted to be safe.  I wanted to feel secure.  I installed a security system in my house...and bought a gun.  My oldest son thinks I am nuts.  He calls my place Fort Knox now..LOL security cameras..alarms.  But I go to sleep at night NOT worrying.  My ex would have never allowed a gun in the house.  Nor would he have put in a security system.  He couldn‘t even be bothered to fix an outdoor door that wouldn‘t close properly.

It has been a really long time since I have been single.  over 8 years.  And that was just a short time in between.  I am really liking making my own decisions and doing just what I want to do!

I take myself to the gym, to the tanning, and I have my hair done when I want.  I have been asked out by 4...yes count em 4 different men this week...and it‘s only Monday. LOL  I have said yes, to one.  I think maybe the real me is coming back and it is showing. :) 

I have been taking care of myself, getting the rest I need and diet and excercize.  Taking vitamins, bought a sonic toothbrush etc.  I have lost 27lbs.  This is a huge accompishment for me. 

If my divorce was over, I‘d be ecstatic....but it‘s just life.  You live and you learn. 

I am learning to like myself very much again.  What a great learning experience this has been.

You future holds so many things,  embrass it.  Just think with no druggie in your life what you can accomplish.

Being happy alone will help you more then you realize.