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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 10/7/2009 6:50 PM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 31
Total Posts: 58
detroit
Michigan
United States
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When you finally went your separate way from your abusive other, did he start telling everyone lies about you and what you did, and how horrible you are and are trying to keep him down, and play the total victim part?
If so, how did you handle this?
Did you ever try to straighten things out with mutual acquaintances? Or did you wait until someone asked you about it?
Do people actually believe when they hear one side of the story (I always say, there‘s three sides to the story, his, hers, and the actual truth of what happened...)?
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| Busty Spumonte |
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Posted: 10/7/2009 7:24 PM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 81
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Camp Getty Stuckie
Ethiopia
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I moved on and never looked back. I just didn‘t care to even ask or hear what he was saying. I put major distance between us which was very hard since he stayed friends with my brother.
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| lief |
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Posted: 10/7/2009 7:38 PM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 26
Total Posts: 37
waco
Texas
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WELL I NEVER LET HIM KNOW IT BOTHER ME.IF HE SEE"S IT BOTHERS YOU HE GETS HE"S WAY.I JUST LAUGHED IT OFF TRUTH ALWAYS COMES OUT IN THE WASH.DONT WORRY HE"S TRYING TO GET TO YOU DONT LET HIM 
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| kaylar |
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Posted: 10/7/2009 9:12 PM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 57
Total Posts: 393
kingston
Jamaica
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The word ‘yes‘ was out of my mouth before I‘d finished reading the first post. For this is exactly what happens. The abuser, so aware, (at least subconsciously) instantly begins explaining, although no one need ask why it is Your Fault.
Bipolar, unfaithful, cold, violent, that‘s you. Depends on
what lie occurs to him at the time.
What to do?
Nothing.
Do not run around to find out what he said and tell them
your version. Leave it. Ignore it. When someone confronts you look at them as if they‘re crazy and say; "And you believe that?" as if they are the stupidest thing ever to breathe.
Don‘t try to explain, defend, anything. The more you talk
the less they believe.
One word answers.
"Were you in a mental hospital?"
"No."
No long story, leave it. Let them ask and ask and ask,
and just give the one word answer looking at them as
if they are extra stupid.
This is what works.
What doesn‘t work?
"That a lie! Let me tell you, he went out and he did and he said and was and blah blah blah..."
That is your ‘side‘ of the story.
You don‘t want sides.
His long story of how you did and said and went and were and blah blah blah is his ‘side‘.
You reply; "No."
You make no side.
You don‘t give them any gist, you don‘t give them a story
to ‘compare‘ and ‘decide‘, you say ‘no‘ and you drop it.
Over time he‘ll be caught out. He‘ll beat some other
woman, he‘ll say something about you which someone
will know is a lie.
Don‘t ever ever make ‘sides‘
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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 10/8/2009 8:07 AM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 31
Total Posts: 58
detroit
Michigan
United States
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You made some good points, Kaylar.
My sister has been giving me nearly daily advice, from day to day stuff, and she said to not bother trying to explain myself, also.
A wife of a mutual acquaintance called me two days ago and told me some stuff, and it got me angry again. I was trying to keep out of it, I was ignoring his remarks and all the lies he said to people. Just saying no to a lie to someone, and not elaborating, that will put them in their place. That will let them know that he might just be doing it for the attention.
He is still on my facebook. I know, I know.
We still have a couple of ties between us, and the last of which should end in 2 days at the longest, but it should be tomorrow. At this point I will delete him off my facebook. (his phone is under my account, he‘s getting it out, I don‘t want to p*ss him off so he retaliates and makes a big bill under my name), therefore I am barely on facebook for the past month, and haven‘t been posting much updates. I am trying to lose contact with everyone that has regular contact with him.
He had us move out to ‘his‘ area earlier in the year. I have one friend here (old friend from H.S. I found earlier this year) and she has been very supportive of me. Everyone else I‘ve met here is his friends or family, and they have been hearing it ALL from him for the past month. His sister even told me off (How could I do that to HIM?!?!). So, this part has been tough, but I have been keeping busy.
Feelings of hurt and anger are trying to come out, but I keep blocking them. That‘s an auto, I don‘t think I am ready just yet.
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 10/8/2009 11:13 AM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 4659
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California
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Don‘t put any effort forth whatsoever!! This is his way of justifying his actions...If he tells enough lies he‘ll believe them eventually...Most people (well the people who are worthwhile) will realize what a low life he is...Just by the way he‘s speaking about you...
Don‘t give him the satisfaction of knowing you care!
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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 10/8/2009 5:28 PM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver Regular
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Age: 31
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detroit
Michigan
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That‘s it, I think he actually DOES believe the lies he‘s been telling people..
Sad, really..
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 10/9/2009 11:06 AM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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| nowthatiseethetruth wrote: | That‘s it, I think he actually DOES believe the lies he‘s been telling people..
Sad, really..
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Trust me he‘s convinced himself that you‘re the problem...not him...BUT people like that do remember they are lying eventually...And that‘s when he‘ll hurt.
Keep your chin up...
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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 10/9/2009 2:32 PM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 31
Total Posts: 58
detroit
Michigan
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Thanks, Kitty!
As of today morning, he‘s off my phone account! The last connection, gone!!
I feel so FREE!!
I am about to go delete him from facebook, and even if I get stuck paying the rest of his phone bill, it‘ll be ok, because he is OUT OF MY LIFE!!
LOL..
I was hanging out with a friend of mine today when I found out, and she gave me a hug and said congratulations to this news!! haha!
Yes, he was that bad for me.
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 10/10/2009 7:17 PM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 4659
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California
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| nowthatiseethetruth wrote: | Thanks, Kitty!
As of today morning, he‘s off my phone account! The last connection, gone!!
I feel so FREE!!
I am about to go delete him from facebook, and even if I get stuck paying the rest of his phone bill, it‘ll be ok, because he is OUT OF MY LIFE!!
LOL..
I was hanging out with a friend of mine today when I found out, and she gave me a hug and said congratulations to this news!! haha!
Yes, he was that bad for me.
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No connection is the best connection for losers like this!!!
Good for you!!
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| Kahlan |
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Posted: 10/14/2009 1:42 AM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver Lurker
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Age: 27
Total Posts: 36
Home
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Good morning!
I‘m so glad to see this topic!
I was so lost trying to figure out how the hell to deal with the lies my ex fiance‘s family had been spreading about my parents... I wanted to post but it‘s such a complicated story that spans 7 years, and some of it is written in a post on a separate browser tab that I won‘t submit to the forum yet because it‘s just so overwhelming trying to write everything down and explain all the emotional abuse...
The ex pretends I‘m invisible, even though we separated as "friends" - of course, he was still sweet talking to me until the moment he realised I found someone else. His mother though, oh, what a piece of art she is. I have no doubt he would‘ve been a different person if it wasn‘t for her - not good, by any means, but at least maybe he wouldn‘t have the illusion that the world owes him...
Anyway, I‘m ranting again. To cut a long story short, my parents found out (are you ready for this?) from our secretary, whose niece is going out with the son of the neighbour of my ex‘s grandmother, that his mother has been spreading all sorts of things... First of all, she‘s been telling people, to anyone who will listen, about my abortion. I was pregnant 3 years ago and with the full support of my family and my fiance, took a month off work (I work at the family business) and decided not to keep the baby. She‘s been telling people that my mother dragged me to the clinic and forced me to have an abortion, otherwise she would disown me. Also, according to her, my dad doesn‘t speak to me and doesn‘t even want to see me (I work for him, you idiot!). Also, apparently, I wasted 7 years of her son‘s life (we broke up three times and he was always coming back, begging and pleading with me that he would change, but apparently it‘s all my fault).
Nowthatiseethetruth, please know this hon: If your ex couldn‘t find enough truth to accuse you with and had to resort to lies, it‘s a moral victory for you! That‘s how I coped! I also made sure I got my side of the story out, but I suppose it was easier for me because the emotional draining and double standards of my emotionally abusive ex were clear for all to see.
Except his mother.
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| sunny fl |
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Posted: 10/15/2009 10:32 AM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 4806
sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
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When you tell lies about you and you get pissed that gives them power.
My ex told terrible lies to my old high school friend, I ran in to her and she told me what he said, then she said nobody believes it anyways, he is just making himself look like an ass. I decided then to let him say what he wants to, anybody that knows me knows its a lie!
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| Rhiannon |
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Posted: 10/18/2009 10:59 PM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 0
Total Posts: 3134
Lacey
Washington
United States
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It is frustrating when your ex spreads lies about you, and tries (and sometimes succeeds) to turn everyone else against you. There will always be those people who believe everything they hear, and there will always be people who love to gossip and don‘t care whether or not they are telling the truth.
It‘s difficult to endure when the people who are listening to this drivel are former friends and family and people you respect. It is situations like that that show you who your real friends and family are.
It is an abusive man tactic to try to make you out to be the "bad guy" - the bitch - the whore - the one who "done ‘im wrong." He does this so that people will side with him, and he will gain sympathy and support.
It takes a lot to keep your mouth shut - to stick to your own counsel - and not to respond to it. I figure that anyone who listened to his stories about me being a "slut" didn‘t know me very well to start with. Anyone who sided with him probably wasn‘t a very good friend to begin with.
What usually happens is that people eventually tire from hearing about it. It becomes "old news" and no one really cares anymore. They move on to new topics and new subjects.
The party who shows the most dignity and class is usually the one who earns the most respect in the end.
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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 10/19/2009 6:23 AM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 31
Total Posts: 58
detroit
Michigan
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Wow, You went through a lot, too. That was bad, for even his mom to join in on this.. Did it eventually subside??
I haven‘t been on the forum in a week..
Right before he moved out of my house, he put raw poultry in the heat vents. Within days it was smelling, and soon smelled bad like something had died in the house. I had to get someone to come out and clean out the vents, and they had to actually go under the house and take apart the duct work to get the rest out. It was bad. My child and I both got sick.
He started telling people that I made this up to make him look bad. I got a hold of a private convo online between him and his older sibling, and her telling him specifically not to admit to anyone about the poultry, or that he put it there, so that i can look like the ‘scornful woman‘. I took screen shots of this convo, and posted it for his friends to see, for the people that believed him. I probably shouldn‘t have done that, but that was my last goodbye to the thing. These people were wondering why I stole HIS child‘s Wii system (I bought the system for mine and his child to share, but he moved out... there‘s only one system, it stayed), it was horrible. I am not a bad person.
We co-operated a business together, for a little over two years. It was legally in my name only. He was supposed to take the business with him when he moved, but things got so messy, and he started lying about me so bad, that he never asked for it afterward, just started his own (therefore becoming my competitor). Everything was fine and dandy. I lost the big (and only LOL) contract to him, therefore I had to start looking for work on my own while he had a nice income coming in. But that wasn‘t enough... this last week he got into my web site domain account and proxy protected my business website under himself. We went back and forth with the domain company, but they eventually allowed him to transfer the domain out of my account. I have lost my business website. They now tell me that I can go to court or through domain arbitration. We know how much lawyers and court could cost, and domain arbitration starts at $1,300. Money I don‘t have, since I don‘t have any income coming in right now.
I have to start a new business from the start this week, so that I can have a website that matches the business name again.
Ok, I feel a little better.
Time to get some stuff done, now!
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| Kahlan |
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Posted: 10/19/2009 7:29 AM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver Lurker
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Age: 27
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| nowthatiseethetruth wrote: |
Wow, You went through a lot, too. That was bad, for even his mom to join in on this.. Did it eventually subside??
I haven‘t been on the forum in a week..
Right before he moved out of my house, he put raw poultry in the heat vents. Within days it was smelling, and soon smelled bad like something had died in the house. I had to get someone to come out and clean out the vents, and they had to actually go under the house and take apart the duct work to get the rest out. It was bad. My child and I both got sick.
He started telling people that I made this up to make him look bad. I got a hold of a private convo online between him and his older sibling, and her telling him specifically not to admit to anyone about the poultry, or that he put it there, so that i can look like the ‘scornful woman‘. I took screen shots of this convo, and posted it for his friends to see, for the people that believed him. I probably shouldn‘t have done that, but that was my last goodbye to the thing. These people were wondering why I stole HIS child‘s Wii system (I bought the system for mine and his child to share, but he moved out... there‘s only one system, it stayed), it was horrible. I am not a bad person.
We co-operated a business together, for a little over two years. It was legally in my name only. He was supposed to take the business with him when he moved, but things got so messy, and he started lying about me so bad, that he never asked for it afterward, just started his own (therefore becoming my competitor). Everything was fine and dandy. I lost the big (and only LOL) contract to him, therefore I had to start looking for work on my own while he had a nice income coming in. But that wasn‘t enough... this last week he got into my web site domain account and proxy protected my business website under himself. We went back and forth with the domain company, but they eventually allowed him to transfer the domain out of my account. I have lost my business website. They now tell me that I can go to court or through domain arbitration. We know how much lawyers and court could cost, and domain arbitration starts at $1,300. Money I don‘t have, since I don‘t have any income coming in right now.
I have to start a new business from the start this week, so that I can have a website that matches the business name again.
Ok, I feel a little better.
Time to get some stuff done, now!
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Oh babe... I want to hug you right now :( the things you are saying are so sad, especially when they involve business and children... what a piece of work he is, eh? I really don‘t know what to say regarding the website. All I can think of is I hope he gets what‘s coming to him. He needs a good kick in the arse. Keep your head up. A good friend of mine said "Sometimes, you have to say, What, the Fuck... and walk away laughing" and he looked soooo right. It‘s a WTF situation!
I can‘t tell you if it subsided on my side, because I severed bonds with him and most of the people who know him. What really hurt is that the break up was very friendly, and I thought he still cherished me and respected me - same with his mom. I called her to thank her for her friendship these past 7 years and she talked to me and wished me well. She even spoke to my mom after the break up (I had introduced the two families together during the engagement and they seemed to be getting along well) and they discussed how we were young and we both made mistakes - which in itself was a bit odd because I always thought it was apparent that my ex was screwing up on a daily basis and abusing me emotionally. Which mistakes did I make, exactly..? My mom didn‘t know what to say.
Now, we bump into each other and pretend we are invisible... maybe it‘s better that way... but god knows what he‘s spreading around...
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| malarkey marie |
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Posted: 10/22/2009 6:31 AM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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valhalla
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| nowthatiseethetruth wrote: | That‘s it, I think he actually DOES believe the lies he‘s been telling people..
Sad, really..
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act like a lady. don‘t discuss your private life and the people around you will figure it out on their own.
if they don‘t or can‘t see what‘s what, you don‘t need them.
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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 10/26/2009 12:15 PM |
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Subject: Did your EX ever...? |
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WomanSaver Regular
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Age: 31
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detroit
Michigan
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| malarkey marie wrote: |
act like a lady. don‘t discuss your private life and the people around you will figure it out on their own. if they don‘t or can‘t see what‘s what, you don‘t need them.
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Yes, you are correct.
I am done with all of that stuff now, I finished it last week. I also cut contact with anyone who has contact with him (his friends I had befriended).
I had even marked his email address as spam so it goes straight to the spam folder, so that I don‘t even see them.
thank guys, for all the support!! I am doing a lot better nowadays, that relationship seems like it was so LONG ago!!
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