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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 9/23/2009 4:35 PM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 31
Total Posts: 58
detroit
Michigan
United States
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Hi ladies,
I am very recently out of a really bad relationship. He was (and still is) a verbally abusive, guilt tripping, passive aggressive, bipolar, egoistic asshole.
Everything is still fresh on my mind (nearly 3 weeks out now), I don‘t want to go into too much detail just yet. We were together for 3 years (one month short of 3 years) and even though we had small break ups here and there, I know this one is it. It was my way out and I took it.
As I told one of my friends last night, I feel as if I had a disease or sickness of some sort, and the past few weeks I‘ve been feeling HEALTHY... I feel great. Yes, there are a lot of things to straighten out, and I haven‘t started reading my "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" book, and I don‘t really like to talk about the specifics of the relationship just yet.. but I feel awesome! As if something was weighing me down and it no longer is.
For those who got out, was it like that for you, too? Did you have a hard time thinking back on all the abuse?? I feel that if I do, I might have a break down...
Well, this is my intro for now. I‘ll try to add bits of info where it seems it‘s needed.
-Happy.
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| Busty Spumonte |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 6:09 AM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 81
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Camp Getty Stuckie
Ethiopia
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| summer62 |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 1:04 PM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 38
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Total Posts: 106
MANHATTAN
New York
United States
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Welcome here,
Give yourself a HI 5 and celebrate, wonderful days head of you, trust me, you will heal and love again and next time you know who deserve your beautiful heart and soul.
big hugs
peace
summer
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| shelbelle |
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Posted: 9/25/2009 4:31 AM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 22
Total Posts: 906
lalaland
North Carolina
United States
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 9/26/2009 3:55 PM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 4659
Total Posts: 313
Americas Finest Citee
California
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Whatever you‘re feeling is normal for YOU. It‘s great you broke away, alot of women never do. When you feel ready to face the hurt dead on it will be hard...but that‘s when your healing starts.
Keep us updated.
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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 9/28/2009 10:21 AM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 31
Total Posts: 58
detroit
Michigan
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Hi,
Silly me, I thought I was going to be able to just ignore and forget all the stuff that happened... That‘s what I did with a previous bad relationship...
I was thinking of perhaps going to see a therapist, but I recently had a bad time with one. Last year I insisted that my ex and I needed to see a therapist before continuing the relationship, but this ‘therapist‘ (as far as I know, he was licensed and everything) fell for every manipulative trick the ex had laid out in front of him, and we never really go to work on the big issues (verbal abuse, etc). I had even told this therapist on the rare occasion I went alone about what was going on, but he never fixed it. Instead he allowed the ex to say very hurtful things to me in the sessions.. I had anxiety just going to our weekly meetings..
Ok, that was a bit more winded than I had planned!
Maybe one day, I will be able to face what happened. I really really don‘t want to face it any time soon.
Happy.
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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 9/28/2009 10:23 AM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 31
Total Posts: 58
detroit
Michigan
United States
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Oh, and thank you for all the welcomes!!
Happy
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 9/28/2009 2:50 PM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 4659
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| nowthatiseethetruth wrote: | | Hi,
Silly me, I thought I was going to be able to just ignore and forget all the stuff that happened... That‘s what I did with a previous bad relationship...
I was thinking of perhaps going to see a therapist, but I recently had a bad time with one. Last year I insisted that my ex and I needed to see a therapist before continuing the relationship, but this ‘therapist‘ (as far as I know, he was licensed and everything) fell for every manipulative trick the ex had laid out in front of him, and we never really go to work on the big issues (verbal abuse, etc). I had even told this therapist on the rare occasion I went alone about what was going on, but he never fixed it. Instead he allowed the ex to say very hurtful things to me in the sessions.. I had anxiety just going to our weekly meetings..
Ok, that was a bit more winded than I had planned!
Maybe one day, I will be able to face what happened. I really really don‘t want to face it any time soon.
Happy. |
Do you think it‘s possible because you let yourself forget about the previous bad relationship...you let yourself get into another one??
Eventually you will face it...and those are the mistakes we learn from...we learn to no longer tolerate men that treat us this way....
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| sunny fl |
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Posted: 9/29/2009 11:26 AM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 4806
sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
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| Kitty Kitty wrote: |
| nowthatiseethetruth wrote: |
| Hi,
Silly me, I thought I was going to be able to just ignore and forget all the stuff that happened... That‘s what I did with a previous bad relationship...
I was thinking of perhaps going to see a therapist, but I recently had a bad time with one. Last year I insisted that my ex and I needed to see a therapist before continuing the relationship, but this ‘therapist‘ (as far as I know, he was licensed and everything) fell for every manipulative trick the ex had laid out in front of him, and we never really go to work on the big issues (verbal abuse, etc). I had even told this therapist on the rare occasion I went alone about what was going on, but he never fixed it. Instead he allowed the ex to say very hurtful things to me in the sessions.. I had anxiety just going to our weekly meetings..
Ok, that was a bit more winded than I had planned!
Maybe one day, I will be able to face what happened. I really really don‘t want to face it any time soon.
Happy. |
Do you think it‘s possible because you let yourself forget about the previous bad relationship...you let yourself get into another one??
Eventually you will face it...and those are the mistakes we learn from...we learn to no longer tolerate men that treat us this way.... |
Excellent post!
nowthatiseethetruth.
May I suggest that you do get long winded here.
Pour out your feelings and tell us your whole story. Nobody knows you and they will give you honest opinions.
Sometimes talking to people that have been thru what you have helps!
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| tula1969 |
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Posted: 9/29/2009 1:30 PM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 39
Total Posts: 1449
Under an UMBRELLA, England
Great Britain
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| nowthatiseethetruth wrote: |
For those who got out, was it like that for you, too? Did you have a hard time thinking back on all the abuse?? I feel that if I do, I might have a break down...
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The last day that I saw my exh, I changed the door locks and both my telephone numbers following him holding a knife at my throat earlier that morning.
For a whole 4/5 weeks everyone was asking me if I was ok, was I alright, feeling alright? I absolutely believe looking back now that I was in some kind of shock right back then at the beginning. Like it was my bodies way of protecting me because if I were to have faced it all at that time, accepted it all at that time... I think I would too have had a break down.
I spent those weeks smiling, getting on with life really feeling ok. Slowly but surely it did sink in and dawn on me but only when I was able to deal with it I think. I joined here and took every kind word and titbit of advice I could get. It hurt like hell after the shock had worn off but today I can tell you from the bottom of my heart and the top of my soul.... I wouldnt go back and change one single thing.
For all those times I never thought I‘d make it or survive someone here or in my RL reassured me I would.... and they were all so right.
I feel better today than I ever have and thats being totally honest. Find a better therapist and dont let one bad one put you off. I call mine my guru and she is just that... best thing I ever did for myself.
Good luck and stick around,
Tula
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 9/29/2009 4:51 PM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 4659
Total Posts: 313
Americas Finest Citee
California
United States
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| sunny fl wrote: |
| Kitty Kitty wrote: |
| nowthatiseethetruth wrote: |
| Hi,
Silly me, I thought I was going to be able to just ignore and forget all the stuff that happened... That‘s what I did with a previous bad relationship...
I was thinking of perhaps going to see a therapist, but I recently had a bad time with one. Last year I insisted that my ex and I needed to see a therapist before continuing the relationship, but this ‘therapist‘ (as far as I know, he was licensed and everything) fell for every manipulative trick the ex had laid out in front of him, and we never really go to work on the big issues (verbal abuse, etc). I had even told this therapist on the rare occasion I went alone about what was going on, but he never fixed it. Instead he allowed the ex to say very hurtful things to me in the sessions.. I had anxiety just going to our weekly meetings..
Ok, that was a bit more winded than I had planned!
Maybe one day, I will be able to face what happened. I really really don‘t want to face it any time soon.
Happy. |
Do you think it‘s possible because you let yourself forget about the previous bad relationship...you let yourself get into another one??
Eventually you will face it...and those are the mistakes we learn from...we learn to no longer tolerate men that treat us this way.... |
Excellent post!
nowthatiseethetruth.
May I suggest that you do get long winded here.
Pour out your feelings and tell us your whole story. Nobody knows you and they will give you honest opinions.
Sometimes talking to people that have been thru what you have helps!
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I second that...even by writing it to us...It may give you an outlet and get some of the negative out of your system...It will be hard...but worth it.
Most of us here have been in your shoes...We‘ll understand.
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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 9/30/2009 6:36 PM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 31
Total Posts: 58
detroit
Michigan
United States
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| Kitty Kitty wrote: |
Do you think it‘s possible because you let yourself forget about the previous bad relationship...you let yourself get into another one?? Eventually you will face it...and those are the mistakes we learn from...we learn to no longer tolerate men that treat us this way....
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You know, it could be. I was a lot younger then. I was in my early 20s, with a 3 year old to support on my own, and no where to live. I partied a lot that first year, mostly so I wouldn‘t feel the pain...
Slowly, I got a place to live and started college.. Things kinda started falling into place.. I went out on dates and had short relationships here and there, until this current ex. After a while, it almost seemed like the same relationship over again... Except it was more elevated, I‘ve never had this kind of verbal abuse before.
I wish I had followed my own advice 3 years ago.. when the red flags started popping up, and I just went with it.. I allowed him to walk all over me and take away my self esteem so much, that it almost seemed normal.. We knew it was a problem, but we didn‘t discuss it anymore.. it was just there..he knew he could ruin my day with just a few words or actions.. and towards the end there, he got upset with me and said that I better watch it, because he will ruin my day if he chooses to. That is sticking out in my mind a lot.. he actually threatened to ruin my day, so it was there out in the open that he did this stuff to me just to upset me. That‘s sad. I cannot believe how much bulls**t I put up from him. I wish I could go back 3 years ago, and told him to F*** off back then, at the sight of the first red flag.
Wow. OK, I got some out! Happy
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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 9/30/2009 6:39 PM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 31
Total Posts: 58
detroit
Michigan
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| sunny fl wrote: |
Pour out your feelings and tell us your whole story. Nobody knows you and they will give you honest opinions. Sometimes talking to people that have been thru what you have helps!
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You know, I will. I know now, that once I start, the stuff will just pour out. I don‘t know what kind of reading it will be for others, but it will be out. After arguments, it always helped me to write the stuff out that I was feeling, even if I didn‘t do anything with it. I wasn‘t holding it in anymore.
I know, though, that when the stuff is coming out, I will be crying my eyeballs out! I guess I have to wait until I am alone and my child is either at his dad‘s or asleep.. Oh, and I have to wait until I am ready.. it‘ll come soon.
Happy
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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 9/30/2009 6:41 PM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver Regular
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Age: 31
Total Posts: 58
detroit
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| tula1969 wrote: |
I spent those weeks smiling, getting on with life really feeling ok. Slowly but surely it did sink in and dawn on me but only when I was able to deal with it I think. I joined here and took every kind word and titbit of advice I could get. It hurt like hell after the shock had worn off but today I can tell you from the bottom of my heart and the top of my soul.... I wouldnt go back and change one single thing.
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Tula,I think you hit it right there, I think it‘s the pain and hurt I don‘t want to face. I am not ready for that, for I know it will be very painful. It is good to know that I am not alone in this. Watch out ladies, soon, I will be pouring it all out!!
Happy
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| shelbelle |
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Posted: 10/1/2009 6:19 AM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 22
Total Posts: 906
lalaland
North Carolina
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| nowthatiseethetruth wrote: |
| tula1969 wrote: |
I spent those weeks smiling, getting on with life really feeling ok. Slowly but surely it did sink in and dawn on me but only when I was able to deal with it I think. I joined here and took every kind word and titbit of advice I could get. It hurt like hell after the shock had worn off but today I can tell you from the bottom of my heart and the top of my soul.... I wouldnt go back and change one single thing.
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Tula,
I think you hit it right there, I think it‘s the pain and hurt I don‘t want to face. I am not ready for that, for I know it will be very painful. It is good to know that I am not alone in this. Watch out ladies, soon, I will be pouring it all out!!
Happy |
it is painful to face the hurt. i spent years trying to think about things that happened differently..keeping myself busy so i wouldnt pay attention to what i was feeling and avoiding talking to anyone about it....that is until i came here.
the girls her know the hurt...know how we do to try an not have it a part of our life...know what it is like to go beyond the hurt and the support needed when we finally face things
this is the first place that i finally felt safe enough to face things and i knew that the girls here cared.
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 10/1/2009 8:16 PM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 4659
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| nowthatiseethetruth wrote: |
| Kitty Kitty wrote: |
Do you think it‘s possible because you let yourself forget about the previous bad relationship...you let yourself get into another one??
Eventually you will face it...and those are the mistakes we learn from...we learn to no longer tolerate men that treat us this way.... |
You know, it could be.
I was a lot younger then. I was in my early 20s, with a 3 year old to support on my own, and no where to live. I partied a lot that first year, mostly so I wouldn‘t feel the pain...
Slowly, I got a place to live and started college.. Things kinda started falling into place.. I went out on dates and had short relationships here and there, until this current ex. After a while, it almost seemed like the same relationship over again... Except it was more elevated, I‘ve never had this kind of verbal abuse before.
I wish I had followed my own advice 3 years ago.. when the red flags started popping up, and I just went with it.. I allowed him to walk all over me and take away my self esteem so much, that it almost seemed normal.. We knew it was a problem, but we didn‘t discuss it anymore.. it was just there..he knew he could ruin my day with just a few words or actions.. and towards the end there, he got upset with me and said that I better watch it, because he will ruin my day if he chooses to. That is sticking out in my mind a lot.. he actually threatened to ruin my day, so it was there out in the open that he did this stuff to me just to upset me. That‘s sad. I cannot believe how much bulls**t I put up from him. I wish I could go back 3 years ago, and told him to F*** off back then, at the sight of the first red flag.
Wow. OK, I got some out!
Happy |
We all do it...The question is...what are we going to do to fix the problem??
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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 10/2/2009 8:40 AM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 31
Total Posts: 58
detroit
Michigan
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It is making more sense now.. Since I never dealt with the pain and hurt and all my feelings before, it happened again. So from what you guys are telling me, from what I understand, when I start dealing with all that suppressed pain and hurt and feelings, once I allow it to come out, I will be able to make better relationship choices in the future?
It almost seemed doomed for me to end up in a relationship like this, just like my mom.
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| learning |
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Posted: 10/2/2009 6:23 PM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver Addict
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Age: 4
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Around the Corner
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| nowthatiseethetruth wrote: |
| It is making more sense now..
Since I never dealt with the pain and hurt and all my feelings before, it happened again. So from what you guys are telling me, from what I understand, when I start dealing with all that suppressed pain and hurt and feelings, once I allow it to come out, I will be able to make better relationship choices in the future?
It almost seemed doomed for me to end up in a relationship like this, just like my mom. |
Well, yes, something like that. That pain and hurt that you‘ve never dealt with before may not even be from a bf/gf thing. Maybe something happened in your life pre bad relationships that caused you to get involved in them in the first place?? I only suggest it because that is my scenario.
Having said that, kudos to you! You‘re coming along quickly in your thought process.
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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 10/3/2009 11:12 AM |
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Subject: My intro |
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WomanSaver Regular
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Age: 31
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| learning wrote: |
Well, yes, something like that. That pain and hurt that you‘ve never dealt with before may not even be from a bf/gf thing. Maybe something happened in your life pre bad relationships that caused you to get involved in them in the first place?? I only suggest it because that is my scenario. Having said that, kudos to you! You‘re coming along quickly in your thought process.
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Learning,Thank you.
I have to wrap my thoughts around that, now. Some stuff for me to think about.
Hmm.. I‘ve always read that being brought up without a father can mess with you, so I wonder if that‘s part of it?
We immigrated to the US when I was little, and I haven‘t had contact with my father since. My mom has always had screwed up relationships, too, as far as I can recall. She reminds me a lot of me, we both have addictive personalities, too. She used to have a drinking problem (when we were little) and now abuses prescription medications.
eh.. it‘s gonna be a loooooooong healing process, isn‘t it?? I almost want to laugh!
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