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| bundle |
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Posted: 9/20/2009 7:06 PM |
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Subject: Please tell me how to handle this? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 54
Total Posts: 1
manchester
Michigan
United States
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I really dont know where to start and I dont want to leave a novel on here but I need to talk to someone and get some advice, my Husband of 17 years had an affair and it has left me devastated. For the first time in my life I find my self adrift and confused and I am so sad and lonely. He has told me that he loves mes and he does not want a divorce,he is an OTR driver and he did see this women again after he said it was over. Now I find myself suspious,worried, anxious and find it hard to believe him even though I so desperately want too. A big part of my problem is I still love him so much and I have to admit I am afraid. Please give me advice.
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 9/21/2009 3:01 PM |
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Subject: Please tell me how to handle this? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 4659
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Total Posts: 356
Americas Finest Citee
California
United States
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So you caught him...And he said it was over and did it again?
It‘s going to be hard to build back trust to someone who is continuing to lie to you. If he wants to keep you in his life he needs to explain himself to you...Answering all your questions and telling you why he lied to you a second time...
My worry is for you, if he‘s lied to you on more than one occasion, then lied again when he knew he might loose you over it...what‘s going to make him have a truthful relationship? He was willing to risk you for the affair.
I know it hurts. And it‘s hard. You have every right to be worried and suspicious...because with his track record...sounds like you need to be..
To be honest with you, I couldn‘t take him back after that. BUT we all have to row our own boats and if you want to repair your marriage he‘s the one with work to do. You need to decide what he needs to do to make you willing to stay in the marriage.
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| Funnysl |
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Posted: 9/21/2009 3:16 PM |
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Subject: Please tell me how to handle this? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 5026
sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
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| bundle wrote: | | I really dont know where to start and I dont want to leave a novel on here but I need to talk to someone and get some advice, my Husband of 17 years had an affair and it has left me devastated. For the first time in my life I find my self adrift and confused and I am so sad and lonely. He has told me that he loves mes and he does not want a divorce,he is an OTR driver and he did see this women again after he said it was over. Now I find myself suspious,worried, anxious and find it hard to believe him even though I so desperately want too. A big part of my problem is I still love him so much and I have to admit I am afraid. Please give me advice. |
Wow this sounds like what happened to me.
Mine was 18 years and was a otr driver also.
Okay first, if you ever trust him again, it will take a long long time. First things first, he would have to get another job or a different route if he was mine. There is no way to gain back trust when he is gone so much.
You are in shock and hurt, you need to decided what you want, do you want to work things out? Do you want to move on?
I tried and I couldn‘t forgive. I loved mine too, still do in someways, I am sure I always will, even though he is an asshole, (he was my asshole)
Love wasn‘t enough for me, I only have one life to live and it is to short to worry about some cheating a$$hole.
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| summer62 |
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Posted: 9/21/2009 7:01 PM |
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Subject: Please tell me how to handle this? |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 38
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Total Posts: 150
MANHATTAN
New York
United States
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 if you are taking a plane for a dream vacation and crew came to you and told you that there is 50 percent chance that plane is going to crash in a deep ocean. whould you take your chances even you really want to go to your destination?
if you have old gold pot in your hand and wanted to deposit into a bank for more future benefits and bank manager told you that you have 50 percent chance that you would lose all your gold. Would you deposit and give away your gold pot?
So, it depends on us as every person where we draw the line and separate what is lie and what is true and fact.
wish you the best and dont let your emotions get your way to see what is real and what you can do for your own future in a honest way.
peace
summer
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| Measle |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 10:25 AM |
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Subject: Please tell me how to handle this? |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 300
Total Posts: 270
Yonder
Wyoming
United States
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First things first.
Get to a doctor and have an STD panel done. Make sure you‘ve got a clean bill of health before you worry about anything else.
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| fairwarningtoya |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 11:43 AM |
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Subject: Please tell me how to handle this? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 47
Total Posts: 7
cedar rapids
Iowa
United States
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| Measle wrote: | First things first.
Get to a doctor and have an STD panel done. Make sure you‘ve got a clean bill of health before you worry about anything else.
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THIS!!!!!
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| kaylar |
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Posted: 9/25/2009 9:50 AM |
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Subject: Please tell me how to handle this? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 57
Total Posts: 437
kingston
Jamaica
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You CAUGHT your husband for the first time in 17 years.
This does not mean he has not had numerous affairs in the
past 17 years.
Many men have lots and lots of affairs and their wives
never catch them. The ‘kick‘ of cheating is not slamming
some willing gal, the kick is fooling wifey.
After fooling wifey so many times, hubby starts to feel;
‘Hey, maybe she doesn‘t care?‘ and so makes sure
he leaves enough clues for even the duncest wife to
find.
You hubby probably figures that having invested 17 years
in him you‘ll continue to invest, (it isn‘t like the woman who
catches hubby at the 7 year itch).
You don‘t want to turn into the pathetic harpy who devotes
her life to running behind this guy. You don‘t want to turn
your life into a cauldron of suspicion.
My advice is to leave him. Once you‘re gone you will probably get the juicy details of all his other affairs.
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| overandout |
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Posted: 12/10/2009 7:37 PM |
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Subject: Please tell me how to handle this? |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 61
Total Posts: 109
spokane
Washington
United States
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I think you already know better than to trust him. mine swore there was nothing, time after time. little stuff but still not being honest. 6 months later I learned they had been all over the country together, when I thought he was on business. he and I spoke nightly, I always packed love notes in his luggage for him to find. and all the while, he was screwing around and lying about it.
if your radar is up, you are probably knowing more than you are quite ready to absorb. I encourage you to get into counseling to gear yourself up. this scares you and well it should. start getting some support.
I remember so well the stomach churning. I still have it, 18 months later. but, I know more now. I know I will survive (which is the first song I downloaded onto my IPOD). you need support regardless of the future. please don‘t sit around alone crying and worrying. take some action. find out what it would mean if you got a divorce. if he admits he has seen her again, I don‘t trust him at all. but then, that‘s just me, the woman whose husband cheated on her and lied about it. I‘m so sorry. really.
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