WomanSavers.com Forum / WOMEN'S ONLY FORUM / marry the mistress?

 love triangles collapse when one of you decides to remove yourself from the situation. all the drama and thrill of lying and cheating will disapate once they no longer have you around as a witness.

while he is occupied elsewhere you should get busy insuring that your physical and financial health are safe-guarded.

get a good doctor and a better lawyer and get busy making sure all he takes over to his love nest is his love, which as we all can see, is worth less then his pension, paycheck, children and savings.

don‘t get mad, get it all.

good luck.

overandout wrote:

how often does the cheater marry the mistress? kinda often, rarely, usually or what? my husband began cheating over a year ago. lied for 10 months, then finally admitted and I threw him out. we were in counseling (why, when he was lying???) and I was more and more suspicious but still wanting to save the marriage. now they have a little love nest downtown. they are talking marriage. weird to learn your husband is talking about getting married, but then it was weird to realize he was openly dating, too. in any case, I keep wondering how likely it is that they will actually marry. thoughts?

I believe the statistics  say 3% marry the hoor they had an affair with.

Trust me  he has no love nest!  He will regret this and sooner then he thinks. 

Getting that cheater out of your life is the best thing you could have done for yourself.  Protect yourself.

Overandout,

Even if he does marry her...You got out of a toxic relationship. Alot of women don‘t respect themselves enough to do that. Time to concentrate on you!

You have a fresh start. Screw him and his mistress. Trust me, the grass is not greener. Once a skank. . . .

Kitty

overandout wrote:

malarkey marie wrote:  love triangles collapse when one of you decides to remove yourself from the situation. all the drama and thrill of lying and cheating will disapate once they no longer have you around as a witness. while he is occupied elsewhere you should get busy insuring that your physical and financial health are safe-guarded. get a good doctor and a better lawyer and get busy making sure all he takes over to his love nest is his love, which as we all can see, is worth less then his pension, paycheck, children and savings. don‘t get mad, get it all. good luck.   thank you. that makes sense to me. I continue trying to do my life and let him realize he is on his own. unfortunately, I am now dependent (61, out of workforce 10 years) on him financially. at the outset, my money set us up in life. I am hoping that they fall apart. I know that‘s nuts. I wish I didn‘t care at all but still do. for some reason, if/when they fall apart, I think I‘ll feel much better.

Stop hoping and stop looking. Make sure the money you are due goes through a bank account, so you don‘t have to see him.

My aunt met her second husband in her 60‘s after her first husband left her for another woman (and because he owed thousands in taxes and had to leave the country). The first she heard about the affair was when she got a phonecall from the OW‘s husband asking her to tell her husband to make up his mind if he wanted to be with his wife or not!

My aunt was devastated and thought she would never get over it, she told me that for about 2 years she had to constantly hug a cushion, it was the only thing that stopped that empty ache in the pit of her stomach. She thought about suicide, the only thing that stopped her was thinking about her children. She had counselling for 2 years. She met her second husband at 60, a widower, also got a part-time administrative job at a local hospital and is a completely different person than she was when she was with her 1st husband. she‘s bubbly and fun yet classy and doesn‘t look her age at all. I‘ve just come back from the local Boots store (a drug store here in Ireland) I bumped into her at the make-up counter, she was looking for a new pink lipstick, "something jazzy for the summer" she said! As a child, I remember my aunt as this mousey little wifey type..dowdy and dull, dressed in clothes that my grandmother would have liked.

They go away on nice holidays a lot, he‘d do anything for her, they are always redecorating their house. He‘s just a real down to earth nice guy. She met him at a seperated persons group I believe.

overandout wrote:

malarkey marie wrote:  love triangles collapse when one of you decides to remove yourself from the situation. all the drama and thrill of lying and cheating will disapate once they no longer have you around as a witness. while he is occupied elsewhere you should get busy insuring that your physical and financial health are safe-guarded. get a good doctor and a better lawyer and get busy making sure all he takes over to his love nest is his love, which as we all can see, is worth less then his pension, paycheck, children and savings. don‘t get mad, get it all. good luck.   thank you. that makes sense to me. I continue trying to do my life and let him realize he is on his own. unfortunately, I am now dependent (61, out of workforce 10 years) on him financially. at the outset, my money set us up in life. I am hoping that they fall apart. I know that‘s nuts. I wish I didn‘t care at all but still do. for some reason, if/when they fall apart, I think I‘ll feel much better.

This is exactly how I feel right now too. I  know what you mean. Even though I know he‘s a liar and a cheater, and so is she, I still can‘t stand the thought that she will end up with him.

And as soon as I REALLY started moving on with my life, as soon as I stopped crying, started smiling, laughing and living, he is hot after me and wanting me to come back. He called her in front of me and told her that I am "the Love of his life". Now she‘s crying and upset with him. I look forward to the day that I REALLY DON‘T CARE!

 But the truth is I get a kick out of it! She‘s hurt, sad and misserable and he can‘t kiss my ass enough!

overandout wrote:

goldie3 wrote: overandout wrote: malarkey marie wrote:  love triangles collapse when one of you decides to remove yourself from the situation. all the drama and thrill of lying and cheating will disapate once they no longer have you around as a witness. while he is occupied elsewhere you should get busy insuring that your physical and financial health are safe-guarded. get a good doctor and a better lawyer and get busy making sure all he takes over to his love nest is his love, which as we all can see, is worth less then his pension, paycheck, children and savings. don‘t get mad, get it all. good luck.   thank you. that makes sense to me. I continue trying to do my life and let him realize he is on his own. unfortunately, I am now dependent (61, out of workforce 10 years) on him financially. at the outset, my money set us up in life. I am hoping that they fall apart. I know that‘s nuts. I wish I didn‘t care at all but still do. for some reason, if/when they fall apart, I think I‘ll feel much better. This is exactly how I feel right now too. I  know what you mean. Even though I know he‘s a liar and a cheater, and so is she, I still can‘t stand the thought that she will end up with him. And as soon as I REALLY started moving on with my life, as soon as I stopped crying, started smiling, laughing and living, he is hot after me and wanting me to come back. He called her in front of me and told her that I am "the Love of his life". Now she‘s crying and upset with him. I look forward to the day that I REALLY DON‘T CARE!  But the truth is I get a kick out of it! She‘s hurt, sad and misserable and he can‘t kiss my ass enough! isn‘t it funny and sad that we want him to want us just so we won‘t care? I guess it all comes down to the rejection we felt and feel. we want him and her to feel the same pain. like you, I cannot wait until none of this matters to me anymore. I hope I am able to get out of this city before they plan their wedding. she wants ‘high society‘ and I just think that would be too painful. my hope is to get to another state, start my life and never deal with him again.

Let her have him,  because really  what is she getting?

A liar

A cheat

and a man that is only staying with her  because he doesn‘t want to be alone.

She will be insecure the rest of her life (with him)

She will always second guess every word he says.  She will always check his phone, his email and bewatching his every move.

Not the kind of life I want!

sunny fl wrote:

overandout wrote: how often does the cheater marry the mistress? kinda often, rarely, usually or what? my husband began cheating over a year ago. lied for 10 months, then finally admitted and I threw him out. we were in counseling (why, when he was lying???) and I was more and more suspicious but still wanting to save the marriage. now they have a little love nest downtown. they are talking marriage. weird to learn your husband is talking about getting married, but then it was weird to realize he was openly dating, too. in any case, I keep wondering how likely it is that they will actually marry. thoughts?   I believe the statistics  say 3% marry the hoor they had an affair with. Trust me  he has no love nest!  He will regret this and sooner then he thinks.  Getting that cheater out of your life is the best thing you could have done for yourself.  Protect yourself.

i‘ve also read, on this site i believe, that of those 3% who get married, 75% end in divorce!!

so less than 1 in 100 odds they‘ll make it -  (mu ah ha ha ha!)