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| Nikitamarya23 |
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Posted: 9/4/2008 5:22 PM |
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Subject: What should I do about my relationship |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 29
Total Posts: 3
Birmingham
Alabama
United States
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I have been in a relationship for about five months now. When it first began the man stated that he was looking for a wife and asked me if I wanted to marry. I said that I didn‘t know. Anyway...we continued to date and I ended up loving him. I told him, he said he was flattered. Some time later he stated that he loved me and I was shocked, he said he was shocked as well. Later on in the dating process, we talked more about marriage. He asked me if he asked me to marry him, when would I want to be marry because he does love me. We also talked about where to live and our finances etc... After some time went we kept dating and so forth, but I had this high sense of intuition that something was wrong with our relationship. After each time we made love he would change his pillowcase. He said he didn‘t have the luxury to wash like I do, so I didn‘t think much of it. Later on in the relationship he got where he didn‘t call me as much nor text me as much. Although, this non calling and texting became more prominent when I was caught going through his phone. I located two text messages that seem to fit my intuition. One lady sent a text pertaining to me answering his phone and was mad about it and stated that he was her man. Another text was from another woman stating that she couldn‘t wait until he was in her arms or vise versa. There were also texts going back from him to these women and vise versa about saying I luv u and so forth and I want to see you. I had written this info down and he got a hold of it and all he could say was it had to come to this. He broke up with me at that time, but we got back together. The thing is, we never discussed the incident, instead when it is brought up he just mentions how he hated the fact that I did that. I later realized that I was in love with him and told him that. Sometime later he got where he wouldn‘t call me, text me nor return any of my calls or text messages. If he did answer he would just tell me that he would call back. Well...just recently I called him back to back trying to get directions to see him coach his first football game. He finally text back that he was at work, but earlier in the day he could have given me directions to the game but told me that he would call me. He had time to call a number that I called him from the night before, which was my mother‘s cell number. So I had called him back and told him that he had called my mother‘s number. He said he didn‘t know, he was just returning the call since he didn‘t recognize the number but that he was getting his car service and he would call me back. That made me mad because he could have easily given me the directions or just have talked to me while in the waiting room. I‘m sure he wasn‘t servicing his own car. Anyway, he had the nerve the next day to tell me that I was pissing him away from me by calling so often, but I called oten because he wasn‘t returning my calls and I needed the directions to the game. He told me that I didn‘t give him time to call back, but I asked for directions on Tuesday and didn‘t call him back until Thursday night. The game was Friday. Anyway, even after he got after me about calling often, out of the clear blue sky at 7am Labor Day he texts me telling me he needs a hug. I text him back that he is something else that now he calls me. I then tell him what I am doing since the day he told me I was calling so much he told me all the school work he was doing and how busy he has been which is why he hadn‘t been able to talk to me. Anyway he calls me asking why do I say he is something else. I tell him that all this time I have been trying to get him to call me and text me and now he does. He said well..now i can finally catch my breathe. He then starts talking about he doesn‘t feel this way all the time but he was horny. He told me to tell my mother that I was going to the store. I told him no that made no sense. He told me to call him. Anway, my stupid self decided that I would go by his house later on in the day but I decided that I would call him once I got there. I get there, he doesn‘t answer, so I go knock on the door. His eyes are as big as saucers. My son and I walk inside. He then stands at the door stating that he is really really busy to give him an hour that he will stop by my place. I told him that he told me to stop by. I just walked on out and told my son to come on. He tried to hug me but I shrugged him off and went to my car. I sat in my car for a minute angry as hell. I then see him close his blinds and that really ticked me off so I went back to his door asking for some stuff of mine. Anyway, he said he was leaving. He may have left but I think that he came right back right after I left. He then called me back stating that he had a made a decision and that he didn‘t need added stress in his life and that we would just be friends. I told him that I thought that this was something that he probably had been thinking about since he never calls nor returns my calls. I also mentioned the incident again and he stated that he didn‘t like what I did instead of talking about the matter, he also had the nerve to tell me that he didn‘t take a liking of me stopping by his place unexpectedly. I thought he would have been happy to see me. I thought that he was going to be home until 1 somthing because he was going to have to leave to go to work. Anyway, we met up again that day and then he said something else that we hadn‘t broken up but that he needed to work on some personal issues and that he didn‘t want to hurt me. So I asked if he got someone pregnant he said no, but not to worry about his personal problems. He wasn‘t going anywhere, but that he had some matters he needed to work on. On the phone he stated that we would be friends nothing more nothing less but when stopping back by his place he was saying something differently. My thing is, why can‘t I let this go? Obviously the guy is cheating, he is not good for me, and I deserve so much more. How can a preacher be so inconsiderate? I have made loved to him and have cried and he has told me that everything is okay not to worry, but he knows that he isn‘t doing me right. I confronted him several times about rather or not he was seeing or sleeping with other women and he denied it, but according to those text, if not sleeping with other women he surely is dating them and they consider him his man. I think that he is backing out of everything because he knows that he has been caught red handly, but my thing is why did he mention marriage to me? What was all that about? I thought that I had finally found my husband. I already informed him of my past relationship and how bad it was, why would he take me on a similar journey? What‘s wrong with men? And they wonder why especially African American women are so bitter it‘s because they treat us like crap. Now I definitely do not want to be bothered with another man. I felt that way before him and now I think that I am finally through with men. If you can‘t trust an African-American Preacher, who can you trust, you can‘t even trust the ones who are not preachers.
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| learning |
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Posted: 9/4/2008 6:52 PM |
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Subject: What should I do about my relationship |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 4
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Total Posts: 165
Around the Corner
Nebraska
United States
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 and sorry to hear what you‘re going through.
Okay, so this guy has no morals whatsoever. Nor does he have any depth of emotion. He‘s a user, plain and simple. Don‘t let yourself be used any longer.
You may be too trusting. I‘m thinking all you heard was "preacher" and you thought he was all good and right. Don‘t judge a book by it‘s cover. And I‘m also thinking that by telling him what you endured in your last relationship, you were inadvertantly informing him of how far he could push the limits with you. It‘s okay to keep some details to ourselves sometimes...at least until we get to know a person better.
If I can take it a step further, it sounds to me as if you have a mental picture of "the one" in your mind. My advice, trash it. Focus on you and your son. Foremostly, take some time to figure out just how you let yourself end up with men who are players. Then figure out how to recognise when someone has your best interests at heart. In short, figure you out first.
Most of all, don‘t give up on all men...just the not-so-good-ones. I‘m just learning myself how to spot them.
Good luck to you! 
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| yasmina |
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Posted: 9/6/2008 4:55 PM |
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Subject: What should I do about my relationship |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 33
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Total Posts: 1160
Copenhagen
Denmark
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Hi Nikita!
Maybe you have a hard time letting go of this, because you are grieving a lost dream more than the actual relationship?. The five months you described is not a long time to get to know a person and what you got to know of him was not good.
But as many jerks like him, he has been able to sniff out from miles away that you were lonely and dreaming of the knight in shining armor. Proposing to you-well, then he probably got you right where he wanted you. You wrote yourself that you werent in love with him when he proposed, so it sounds more like you fell in love with the idea of getting married.
IŽthink youŽll be fine. 
You have been through a bad relationship with a sorry excuse of a man. But if you take that out on all men youŽll effectively sabotage your chances of ever getting a happy relationship.
Hugs,
Yasmina
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| Momof4 |
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Posted: 9/7/2008 5:20 AM |
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Subject: What should I do about my relationship |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 0
Total Posts: 3526
shiiteing in the sand in
Iraq
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I know it hurts, but here‘s a little something you can do to bug the crap out of him....
If you know or can find out where he preaches, find out what time his service is, and get to church, young lady! Sit in the very first, center pew, and stare at him, constantly.
I assure you-he‘s probably got another woman there, he‘ll worry about his job, and his position in the community...and he‘ll be sweating before the first part of his sermon. I‘d even throw in a little wink and a wave.
Don‘t give up on men-you just gotta wade through the crap to find the gem.
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