WomanSavers.com Forum / WOMEN'S HEALTH AND SEX ISSUES / Help

Over a month ago, out of the blue, I received a startling and absolute life changing email from a very angry husband revealing that my husband was secretly contacting this man‘s wife. A few days later, my husband admitted that he had been having an affair for the past 4 1/2 years with this woman!                                                                                 The affair was so horrible that it even involved him talking her into aborting their baby. Although, now he claims that she probably lied about being pregnant and even thou he did talk her into an abortion - he thinks that was a lie from her too. Basically, his story, now, is that his mistress faked a pregnancy and an abortion because she was worried about losing him. Then, they continued sleeping together for another year and half.
My husband and I have been talking and talking for over 6 weeks now. He declares that he is "a changed man." He insists that he is in love with me and cannot imagine his life without me. He swears that he will never cheat again and that he has offcially ended it with his mistress and never wants anything to do with her again. He realizes how much he has hurt me and doesn‘t want to be that kind of person anymore. Yet, he will not stop dumping lies on me. Usually, after we‘ve had a conversation and I connect the dots, more and more bombs have been dropped on me. The only way I find out anything, lately, is by me "connecting the dots" and confronting him. He has revealed so many disgusting, evil secrets.                                                                                 One of the latest bombs is that he has been lying about our finances. He even went as far as commiting insurance fraud at the bank to cover up his secret credit cards. He insists the purpose of the secret credit cards was to cover up that he had to pay for my wedding ring and for groceries and bills. Like I would think that my ring was free! Besides, who risks going to jail to hide the fact that they are paying their bills?
A few years ago, for Christmas, my husband gave me the  ring and got on one knee and proposed to me - declaring his love for me. He has just recently admitted that not only did he have a mistress at the time he bought me the ring and gave it me but, that he only gave me the ring to throw me off track of their affair! He has just also adimitted that his mistress was far from the only woman he has cheated on me with over the past 4 1/2 years.I wasn‘t surprised at that bomb, this affair is not the first time he has cheated on me or lied. This has been happening through out our relationship. I keep thinking that he is going to change. He keeps saying that he loves me and I love him. I keep thinking that I have to stick this out. I have to make this work some how. I made my bed. Now, I have to lay in it. I‘ve screwed up so terribly. I have pushed away all my family and friends - all the people I now know truly did love me. I have thrown everything away to be with this horrible man who sincerely does not care about me or my son. He has jeopardized his job, our saftey and security repeatedly. He will not stop. He has sex with anyone willing and he doesn‘t believe in using protection. He doesn‘t have a conscience. He just does whatever he wants when he wants, nomatter what. I have no where to go and noone to turn to. I don‘t know what to do.Whenever I think of him and whenever I am around him, I feel cold. I‘m scared.

I am so so sorry that you are having to go threw all this BS with you ass of a husband .

you say he has done this before, and yet he now says he wants just you .he didnt learn anything from the first time.and the only reason you know now is because someone other than him told you.and if he has stopped seeing her it is only because you know now.

ask your self will you ever be able to trust him.is this good for you and your son.

this is not your fault.and you can make it on your own.yes it will hurt like hell for awhile.but awhile is better than staying with him and hurting every day that you are with him.

get all your thous and things that you need to do together call a lawyer .

If you have anything that can prove what he has done, get it and keep it without him knowing you have it.

you do what is best for you and your son .but by what you are saying you need to kick him out and if he wont leave you need to find a way to leave with your son.

keep posting know matter what you decied to do.we are here for each other.