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| fixyou |
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Posted: 9/10/2007 7:58 AM |
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Subject: HE HAS GOT ME ‘TWISTED‘ |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 42
Total Posts: 8
Broken Hearted
Oklahoma
United States
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Ok here is the deal. I have been married for 20yrs and it is the second for both of us. For years our sex life has been nothing, I mean I would beg for sex and lucky if i got it 1x a year. So time moves on and so do I, don‘t get me wrong we still live together but mentally i was detached. So I end up having a lil thing ,no intercourse, but damn it felt good. Bad thing it was a friend of his, and actually my husb would have never found out ...except i left my computer on and he saw all our IM‘s. I had no idea there was an archieve,( ) Let‘s just say i have become VERY computer savy .
Well my husb idea was to get some Cialis so he can have sex he sd it was cause he could not stay hard and for us to make a list of sexual fantasies that we can act out. Well my list was role playing and toys and getaways. His list said to sign up for a swingers web site and start swinging. Because he said that swinging is not cheating because he knows about it and he gets to pick the couple.
I agreed, thinking this was the only way i was gonna save my marriage. We invited over a couple and got to know them, they seemed a bit strange to me but this is what my husb wanted. We did not have any sex that night
So the two major rules we put forth for ourselves was always in the same room and never full on mouth kiss anyone but each other.
The second time this couple was over i had broken my foot and after a few hours of drinking and playing cards the woman sd she needed some coffee so they could drive home so my husb and her went in the kitchen they were gone for a bit of time so i gathered my crutches and went in to see what was going on. I found them in a very passionate kiss and his finger rubbing her clit. They never saw me and i just walked away. After they left i blew up I was so hurt he had broke the rules. I let my husb know i was very hurt.
I can‘t seem to get outta this depression now. I hate it when my husb even touches me while we are in the kitchen. He still controls me by withholding sex as he see‘s fit, i am not allowed to initiate sex, i have to wait for him.
Is this whole thing my fault? I have read many men‘s opinions on here and they say if he is not having sex with you he is getting it somewhere....Is that always true? The other thing is he said if i did not want to swing or share him with another woman we can have a 3some(2men/1woman).
Please help me, i used to be this happy life of the party woman, very confident, now it is all i can do to lift my head high enough to make eye contact when being introduced to someone....
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| LSM |
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Posted: 9/10/2007 2:22 PM |
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Subject: HE HAS GOT ME ‘TWISTED‘ |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 34
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Total Posts: 1094
The swamp
Mississippi
United States
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he is not having sex with you because he is getting it somewhere else? I believe that is about over 90% correct. All the sudden he wants to get pills to have sex with you and he wants to invite the outside world and you were ok with that? doesn‘t that seem odd. He is playing with your head and your falling for it.
You invited them to your house and surprised that he didn‘t keep the rules.
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| Fifi Larue |
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Posted: 9/10/2007 7:46 PM |
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Subject: HE HAS GOT ME ‘TWISTED‘ |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 36
Total Posts: 1890
Xanadu
Ohio
United States
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im sorry you are so hurt, honey, but i must ask...what exactly did you expect from entering this swingers life? if you cannot handle catching him messing around with another woman, then i dont think swinging is for you.
and as far as your hubbys sexual dysfunction, he withholds sex from you??? you cant initiate sex?? WTF?? and what about YOUR list of fantasies?? why was his fantasy the one you lived out? he sounds like a selfish prick, among other things.
if you really want this marriage to work, i think counseling would be in order. not just for the deceit, but for the sexual problems. they will not get better on their own.
if he wont commit to making this work, i would say it might be time to think about splitting up.
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| pj713s |
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Posted: 9/16/2007 6:18 AM |
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Subject: HE HAS GOT ME ‘TWISTED‘ |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 52
Total Posts: 1
Cherry Hill
New Jersey
United States
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It sounds like there are alot of issues going on. I would suggest counseling for yourself because you feel manipulated by your husband. He may have been with holding sex but you see it as manipulation and are allowing it. YOU are allowing these things to happen and even initiating some of them...like the swingers. By your own admission, you thought them weird. Follow your own instincts! You are a great person! Listen to yourself. If it doesn‘t seem right, don‘t do it. You can‘t control or change him but you can make a difference in your own life. Go for it!
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| ric3xrt |
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Posted: 9/27/2007 5:29 PM |
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Subject: HE HAS GOT ME ‘TWISTED‘ |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Male Member
Age: 38
Total Posts: 27
sellersville
Pennsylvania
United States
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| pj713s wrote: | It sounds like there are alot of issues going on. I would suggest counseling for yourself because you feel manipulated by your husband. He may have been with holding sex but you see it as manipulation and are allowing it. YOU are allowing these things to happen and even initiating some of them...like the swingers. By your own admission, you thought them weird. Follow your own instincts! You are a great person! Listen to yourself. If it doesn‘t seem right, don‘t do it. You can‘t control or change him but you can make a difference in your own life. Go for it! |
Thats what I told my friend when she told me that the jerk she married to was doing the same thing.
He‘s tring to turn you in to a slave...don‘t let it happen , you will lose all your self respect..worth & just go deeper in to your depression.
I know its a had thing to hear but I think that after 20 years you 2 have grown apart.
it will Take a deep breath & a big step to move forward in your life...but for your own wellbeing you need to search deep into your heart & do what you fell is right.Remember only YOU CAN LET THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU.
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| breezydream |
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Posted: 12/16/2007 4:28 PM |
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Subject: HE HAS GOT ME ‘TWISTED‘ |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 30
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Total Posts: 268
Toronto
Canada
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Haven‘t you had enough? Witholds sex, then punishes you for cheating by cheating by swinging.
Use your head, your heart and your feet.
Now your head is low and you cannot meet people‘s eye contact.
Think through what would have you walk shoulders back, with direct eye contact and a spring in your walk and your heart. It will take time, but you can take the first steps now.
Steps away from a controlling male who disrepects his duties to you, to love you, respect you and look after your needs.
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