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| Fallin Angel |
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Posted: 7/8/2007 4:40 AM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 48
Total Posts: 8
BUFFALO
United States
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I am a 48 yr old women in a sexless marriage for 6 yrs i‘ve been married for 26 yrs.my hubs 48 also.for the past 6 yrs my hub has no interest in having sex (PERIOD) we had many talks about this problem, and he says he dont know whats wrong with him he finds me attractive and still loves me...so thats not the problem,and he isnt having an affair.. i know thats for a fact so thats out of the question.he mentioned this to his dr... he gave him viagra to try one time he took it that was over 2 yrs ago...he never took it again,so i just wait....he also got another pill from his dr to try.. not sure of the name..he never took or made a effort to try that one...so i wait..he was diagnosed with ms 2 yrs ago can this be why???i talked to his ms dr about this problem when he had a dr visit with her,but that didnt help!!I was diagnosed with breast cancer last oct,i had a lumpectomy and i still sit waiting for him to make a effort i‘m running out of waiting time.He does drink beer everyday and has for yrs..he says thats not the problem.. i always say... if only you gave that up like you did sex!!any advise on what i should do..i am tired of waiting for him...i believe it‘s a hopeless marriage now,and it doesnt bother him that we dont have sex...He thinks a marriage doesn‘t have to have sex..Oh Brother!!!
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| dominica |
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Posted: 7/9/2007 10:20 AM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 42
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Total Posts: 505
philadelphia
Pennsylvania
United States
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Honey I dont know what to say.My husbands desire for me decreased when he got turned on to the net.I found out that he was having ciber sex.and had a profile on love aol.Then he started having affairs.He would always tell me that he just didn‘t feel sexual.We would have sex once every 2 months.So if there is no physical reason for no sex ,you had better open your eyes.I was shocked at my husbands‘ behavior .I didn‘t think he could stoop that low.I found out I didn‘t know this man at all.I was very angry for the years of deprivation.I guess what I ‘m saying is life is too short and if you cant get your needs met move on.This seems cold ,but if he cant perform sexually for what ever the reason,there are other ways he could be trying to satisfy you if he cared about your needs at all.Leave him.
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| Rhiannon |
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Posted: 7/12/2007 6:41 AM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 0
Total Posts: 3499
Lacey
Washington
United States
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I think it would be an impossible situation for most of us.
If he doesn‘t have any sexual desire, something is up. If the doctor has given him prescriptions that should help the problem, and he is not taking them, he clearly does not want to do anything about it. If he knows that you want him and that you are feeling frustrated, he should at least be willing to fix it. Does he have erectile dysfunction? The fact that he is not dealling with it tells me that he has no regard for your feelings.
It‘s not normal, and so the desire must be going somewhere. I would find out where.
And if I didn‘t come up with some answers pretty fast, I would end the marriage. I think you have been patient long enough.
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| dominica |
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Posted: 7/12/2007 1:04 PM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 42
Total Posts: 505
philadelphia
Pennsylvania
United States
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| moon1173 wrote: | |
6 years..I think that he has to be doing something..I am sorry this is happening..I know it is all about connection and your deserve to feel loved. dominica..how long were you married when u found him out. How did you and why were you surprised? I think your situation is a lot like mine except he wanted sex but it made me feel dirty you know..if that makes sense.
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We had been married for 6 years when I found him out .I checked the history on the computer and I heard a message from one of his phone sex partners,and I kepted tabs on his cell phone records,and he is stupid ,I mean he stupid for not thinking I would be checking.He ruined our life together.I was surprised because most people who do these things have serious psycho sexual problems and I didn‘t think he was one of those people.After I found out,sex for me with him wasn‘t the same.The emotional closeness I use to feel was gone.I didn‘t like him any more .For me ,I felt like he was contaminated or damaged.I can totally understand the dirty feeling.It is interesting how one persons behavior can totally change what is suppose to be beautiful in a relationship to something that disgust you.
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| dominica |
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Posted: 7/12/2007 1:06 PM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 42
Total Posts: 505
philadelphia
Pennsylvania
United States
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| Rhiannon wrote: | |
I think it would be an impossible situation for most of us. If he doesn‘t have any sexual desire, something is up. If the doctor has given him prescriptions that should help the problem, and he is not taking them, he clearly does not want to do anything about it. If he knows that you want him and that you are feeling frustrated, he should at least be willing to fix it. Does he have erectile dysfunction? The fact that he is not dealling with it tells me that he has no regard for your feelings. It‘s not normal, and so the desire must be going somewhere. I would find out where. And if I didn‘t come up with some answers pretty fast, I would end the marriage. I think you have been patient long enough.
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Iknow thats right .Dont waste any more of your time.MOVE ON.
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| Fallin Angel |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 10:50 AM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 48
Total Posts: 8
BUFFALO
United States
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Thanks to those of you who gave me incouragement and replied i think i‘ll let me hub read some of your suggestions and comments..if not ill make my move to leave this boring life with him now..thanks!! :)
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| Fallin Angel |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 5:31 PM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 48
Total Posts: 8
BUFFALO
United States
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lol..yeah the thought entered my mind...no hes not gay.so that was out of the question...he dont go to porn or cyber..i checked his history and always had tabs on him when he was on..and he dont go there...i know his password i checked his mail nothing there..i‘m the one always online and not on them sites..lol...he dont go anywhere to have time for any affair its work and home...he falls asleep early..he just doesnt have any desire for sex or passion either he even sleeps on the couch the past few yrs...he came in bed few times during the last few months wooo...lol... to sleep of course..i told him i dont need him there after our dog took over that side..the dog bit his toe lol..so guess that says the dog dont want him there..lol..guess the saying is true if you dont use it you loose it and that he did!!but i waited thinking maybe...also and felt sorry cause he has ms he found out almost 2 yrs ago...but i need to feel loved... i dont feel that here..i sent him emails from this site with some of the replys i got ..he didnt even come to read them..i even said we need to decide whats what or ill love someone else ..
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| Fallin Angel |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 9:28 PM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 48
Total Posts: 8
BUFFALO
United States
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he‘s 48 same age as me..dr‘s say he may have had ms for 5 or more yrs..i called to talk to his dr about this situation..he didnt know i called there ;) she talked to him ...and didnt tell i called..i think she suggested he tell his family dr which i think he did.. thats why he got new other pill whatever it was...lol he made no attempt to take it or try it..so i never push the issue...tired of begging,and getting nowhere,he also has high blood pressure medication he takes...but im sure the dr is aware... if this was his problem...i never got a real answer..when i bring this up to him...about how i dont think this is a marriage he says is that what its all about sex in a marriage???my reply was this is like a brother sister living together arrangement..he did read the posts i sent from here today..didnt look to happy during the day..but hasnt confronted me about them..but theres tomorrow..lol..yeah the toe thing was hilarious....i told him go back to the couch.. the dog dont want you there now... it‘s a yr old..lol.. i guess the dog thought since there was room there the past yr.. it was his place and not hubs...maybe he senced i didnt want him there...lol .Every yr that passes..i feel the love is dieing
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| Fallin Angel |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 9:42 PM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 48
Total Posts: 8
BUFFALO
United States
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PS..he might be depressed sometimes as he‘s not to happy taking shots every other day for his MS but 6 yrs ago he wasnt...this has been going on for yrs..maybe its the ms thing???maybe drs.dont know if this is a effect yet??? sometimes i feel depressed over this..especially just waiting for something to change...or happen but realizing it‘s becoming hopeless..and nothing... and now i believe nothing will ever happen ..at least not in this life.. : /
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| Fallin Angel |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 9:54 PM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 48
Total Posts: 8
BUFFALO
United States
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lol..Thanks for the laugh about the dog...no thats not the problem...and yes 6 yrs..no lie..i get a kiss in am when hes leaving for work... thats the only compassion i get from him..all year..i even said why bother...the thing is if anything ever did happen im beggining to think i might not even want it now from him... cause the fire is dying out after all this time..i dont know if my feeling will be there.. and then ill probaly think his aren‘t there either???I know he dont want to end this marriage..he just wants me to except it the way it is..and i dont know if i can...getting tired of sweeping it always under the rug...
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| Fallin Angel |
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Posted: 7/15/2007 10:11 PM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 48
Total Posts: 8
BUFFALO
United States
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he is on lisinoprill 20 mg and felodipine 5 mg 1 a day i didnt look them up though..i guess it is fair to say he thinks of himself and not my needs.. i thought that myself..in arguements he says go find someone to have sex and leave me alone..so i never get anywhere..i think maybe it‘s cause he does drink daily..i even told him that..he even admitted and said maybe it is... but did he lighten up on it...no...when i see him open a can of beer... iv‘e said maybe you should of gave that up instead of sex..no response...lol..i know hed never go for help with his drinking on his own..maybe if i said im getting out of the marriage it might wake him up and hed get help..when i say i want a divorse he says yeah u been saying that for years..cause he knows i have played his game all this time..but now im beggining to think is it time???no i dont talk this out with anyone or my friends..dont feel i wanna let them know my bussiness..probaly think i am a nut...lol..not sure what to do yet i know i couldnt do it on my check alone so im in a tuff situation,cant go yet even if i wanted to..guess this is why some women go astray and find what they didnt have in a marriage...
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| Fallin Angel |
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Posted: 7/16/2007 10:30 AM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 48
Total Posts: 8
BUFFALO
United States
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Thanks for the support..Thats a great idea.. Ikinda do those things now but havent gone out for any drinks..finding another wouldnt be a problem..i know a few guys that would gladly take me out too...but they think i‘m in a happy marriage if only they knew...lol..i think i will start living my life and find others things to enjoy..like the saying goes when one door closes the another one opens...gif) yeah maybe someday his eyes will open..but then it might be to late..lol..if the day ever came i might be like you..and not even want it!! lol.. i just hoped i‘d find a answer to this mystery...behind his mind..but till then what the heck.. got nothing to loose.Take care..Thanks again for the replys! :)
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| matt1941 |
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Posted: 2/8/2010 11:19 PM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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New WomanSaver
Male Member
Age: 66
Total Posts: 1
denver
Colorado
United States
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Im a 66 yr old guy wife is 60 something. We have been married 43 years and about 30 years with out sex, and its not missed at all. We had two kids and gave up sex. It wasn‘t all that great anyway. Nothing happened on our honeymoon so we cut it short to go back to work. Wife has no interest and I have a low libdo and E/D. Wife is best friend and we love each other. I guess we‘ll die and not know what all the huhbub is. THATS LIFE
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| lovehard |
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Posted: 6/29/2010 3:51 PM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 0
Total Posts: 466
walnut grove
Minnesota
United States
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Angel,
Does he have vivible lesions on his brain?(brain scan)The scan should show if he does. If yes what area? A persons behavior, emotions,judgment and all around look on life can be altered many many years before the diagnosis is even given. So many aspects of his/her life can change. If this behavior "could" be due to the ms it is worth finding out. You will need to be even more patient than you feel you have been. This may be only the beginning of changes for you both. Good news is ms can go into remission.
Sex is very important but supporting eachother in hard times is more important. Until you know more about this ms situation being openly upset with him about the sex issue isn‘t going to help. I would let that go for now and try to reconnect emotionally.If sex is gone for good (it may be)you can find other ways to sexually satisfy eachother. If it is due to illness it must be ripping him apart inside, not to be able to satisfy you. Love ,trust and support must exsist, it won‘t be easy for either of you.
26 yrs is a long time to give up on.
What was his sex drive like in the beginning?
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| lovehard |
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Posted: 6/29/2010 4:30 PM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 0
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walnut grove
Minnesota
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Crap, I just realized the date of this post is 2007. That is Annoying. Well‘ I hope she found out if his illness was the cause. If it was I also hope she was able to find it within herself to be supportive, poor guy ; (
Who puts these old post back into circulation anyway??????????????
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| shally |
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Posted: 6/30/2010 2:32 PM |
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Subject: 6 yrs in a sexless marriage |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 3
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sitting pretty on
Isle of Man
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People that post in them....
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