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| bkj5138 |
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Posted: 1/18/2012 9:58 PM |
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Subject: My experience with verbal abuse |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 34
Total Posts: 1
Dayton
Ohio
United States
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This is what my home life is like:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhF8cYK2HhA
Despite what you hear, he is mostly very good with my kids. He
spends a lot of time with them and is very involved. I do not want to
break up the family unless it is absolutely necessary. I‘d love advice
on the best thing to do.
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| RambleOn |
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Posted: 1/25/2012 2:35 PM |
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Subject: My experience with verbal abuse |
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WomanSaver Addict
Female Member
Age: 47
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Total Posts: 249
New Bern
North Carolina
United States
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So,you will tolerate this abuse from him to save your family.But what happens when that abuse is directed at your kids? It‘s really only a matter of time as they age they will talk back to him and he WILL not be able to handle that.And how can you think this isn‘t already effecting them?Will you leave then? I suggest that you take the test below and honestly take stock of your reactions to this and know that you are far from alone but that some women wise up and actually find a way out! http://www.sexhelp.com/am-i-a-sex-addict/betrayal-bond-index Please read this.You will recognize yourself in almost every page. http://www.amazon.com/Betrayal-Bond-Breaking-Exploitive-Relationships/dp/1558745262 It‘s about love addiction too and that‘s why I stayed with my alcoholic,verbally abusive husband for over 24 years hoping that one day,he would STOP! He never did.So my only recourse was to split up my family and get divorced. Had I not,I‘d never have known the self love and self respect that keeps me out of relationships with abusers! Were you raised in an abusive environment? I was and it is part of why it was normal to me. Abuse is NOT normal. My xH was raised by just the sort of man he became. Disrespectful Abusive Unloving Devoid of Empathy Defensive Blameshifting Angry Rude Heartless Oh so apologetic and claiming he would change,but couldn‘t as it was too engrained in him. And in the end,I tolerated it because over the years,his abuse lowered my self worth to the point that I BELIEVED what he said to me. Well..I am here to remind you....... He is PROJECTING all his own sh*t onto you and your not supposed to sit that and take it to save your family. YOU are hurting your kids by staying in that sort of abusive environment and one day,you son or daughter will grow up to be no different than you or your husband....if YOU don‘t change your reaction to him by standing up for yourself...........and ENDING THE ABUSE! Try reading......Codependant NO More by Pia Melody too.And get yourself an individual therapist to help you work thru you low self esteem issues or you may never leave him for your own good and the good of your children! If you don‘t consider your safety and happiness absolutely necessary,then you should stay and put up with every ounce of abuse he has to dish out and never consider yourself worthy of love,care or respect.
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| mechanicaldoll |
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Posted: 1/28/2013 4:51 PM |
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Subject: My experience with verbal abuse |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 25
Total Posts: 4
valparaiso
Indiana
United States
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i grew up watching my mom get abused by my father...and my mom tolerated it bc she wanted our family to stay together, and i swore to myswld i wont do the same...i didnt know any better when i was younger, but if i realized what was going on back than like i do now, i myself would‘ve told my mother to leave bc even if the father isnt abusing the children, its still an emotional abuse to them from seeing their mother being treated like that. leave him! if he‘s good with hus kids, let him see them, but at least they wont wittness their own mother beaing treated like crap. also ur kids might end up growing up thinking its normal...and both u and i and everyone else know its not k. thats why im getting divorced too. my mother was mainly beaten, but my husband has never actually hit me n so it took a very ling time for me to recognize verbal abuse (even after talking to him he still doesnt see it that way)...our kid is 3 and its hard to tare family apart, but it‘ll be much better for my little girl to see me happy instead of being depressed all the time. they can feel when there us something wrong and it reflects on them.
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| wildflower72 |
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Posted: 5/11/2013 9:22 PM |
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Subject: My experience with verbal abuse |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 1
Niagara Falls
Canada
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I ended a 2 yr relationship because of the verbal abuse...nothing I did was good enough and my ex was a terrible blameshifter to the point that he was the hard-done-by victim of everyone...especially from women from the past and myself. When I started to stand up for myself and refused to accept the constant blame he placed on me, he would get very angry, and the nasty name calling would begin. I loved this man very much, and wanted to marry him...but every time he tore into me with the name calling and put-downs...a part of my love for him slowly died. I still carry the hurt with me today...I have flash-backs about all the awful stuff he said to me...and about me to others. Emotionally, I was devastated...and I am sad to say I had an emotional break-down at the end of our relationship when I finally left him. I couldn‘t work, burst out crying when anything reminded me of him or things that happened between us...and had massive depression and suicidal thoughts much of the time. He had other behaviours that were equally bad, he was controlling, suspicious, negative, and didn‘t have much of anything good to say about anyone. He had massive up and down mood swings. All I can say is that when it was good...it was so good that it seemed to compensate for the bad stuff...we did have amazing chemistry together, had lots in common...he was charming and charismatic when he was in a good mood. Idk...I guess I just saw what good there was in him. This relationship almost killed me, though...and fortunately I had good friends to see me through some very dark days...I am not currently dating or looking to still...I just can‘t seem to get over what happened to me enough to move on with another man...so for now, I just focus on myself, my friends, my hobbies and my little part time job I now have...one day at a time.
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| Mamachita |
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Posted: 5/20/2013 8:18 AM |
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Subject: My experience with verbal abuse |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 152
Total Posts: 5
Birmingham
Alabama
United States
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| bkj5138 wrote: | |
Despite what you hear, he is mostly very good with my kids. He spends a lot of time with them and is very involved. I do not want to break up the family unless it is absolutely necessary. I‘d love advice on the best thing to do.
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Hi Dear, I didn‘t get to see or hear the video. It doesn‘t matter. Sooner or later he will be the same with the kids. Or, he will have the kids hating you. Which would you prefer? By staying with this man YOU are in fact also teaching your children that it is okay for any of them to call you names. If you have a son, he will learn to abuse his wife. If you have a daughter, she will learn to take abuse and stay with her abuser, because her mother did. I don‘t care what you got to do, where you got to live etc. You need to get off your but, become independent and keep your face to the wind. You need to start thinking of yourself as your best friend. If you saw your best friend‘s husband treating her the same way, yelling those things at her, WHAT would you tell her? Now, tell that to yourself. There isn‘t any cure for this. Sorry. A gazillion counselors couldn‘t help this situation. You can‘t change him. However, you can change yourself. Go to an abuse counselor. No if ands or buts about it. The counselor needs to specialize in abuse to help you. If the counselor isn‘t good, find another. You need to start planning your divorce. Yes, I said the "D" word. You will need a heads up in order for him not to bully you into thinking how horrible it will be. You have a video of him yelling at you and screaming at you in front of the kids? Take it to a safe deposit box at the bank. Make several copies of the abuse. You will need it. Next time he starts yelling and following you around the house, call the police. They will escort his ass out of the house. If he has threatened to hit you or kill you, you then have the means to get an order of protection. There are advocates at the courthouse that can help you with this. Call the abuse hotlines. Once you get him out of the house, you can file for divorce. He can only have half. That is it. NO matter what he threatens you with.
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