WomanSavers.com Forum / ABUSE HELP / How to Decide if Your Marriage is Worth Saving

Things You‘ll Need:

• Honesty
• Realistic Expectations
• Courage

How to Decide if Your Marriage is Worth Saving

1. class="stepBg">Step 1

   Recognize physical or emotional abuse. Physical abuse is easy to recognize. The one question to ask yourself is, "Am I afraid of my spouse?" If the answer is yes, it is time to end the marriage. Many choose to ignore or do not recognize emotional abuse. Some common signs of emotional abuse are constant criticism, berating, insulting, treating as inferior or a servant, demanding gratitude and isolation from family and friends. Anything that makes you feel bad about yourself on a regular basis can be considered emotional abuse.
   
   If you have an abusive spouse that is unwilling to seek help, you can only expect the abuse to get worse. It is time to end the marriage. Don‘t wait until it‘s too late. The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-7233 (ndvh.org)offers referrals and advice.

2. class="stepBg">Step 2

   Acknowledge infidelity. Many couples are able to work through the feelings of betrayal that an affair brings. If you or your spouse feel that over time this transgression can be forgiven then your marriage is worth saving. If not, it is probably better to end the marriage.

3. class="stepBg">Step 3

   Question your true feelings and answer them honestly to yourself. Are you still in love with your spouse or are you in love with the idea of marriage? Do you enjoy being with your spouse or does time together leave you irritated, depressed or wishing you were alone or somewhere else? Do you respect your spouse and feel supportive in values and beliefs?

4. class="stepBg">Step 4

   Connect problems that recur. A pattern of fighting over trivial matters, disagreeing about everything, cruel teasing, refusal to work on major issues, an unwillingness to compromise and always bringing up past hurts indicates that there are some serious problems in the marriage that may be beyond repair.

5. class="stepBg">Step 5

   Measure the intimacy in your marriage. Intimacy is defined as a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person. Does this describe how you feel toward your spouse or do you try to avoid affection and personal contact?

6. class="stepBg">Step 6

   Inspect other relationships to see if the problems in your marriage are affecting how you relate to others and how you do your job. If others get a sense of sadness, moodiness, frustration, anger, fear, inattentiveness or impatience from you it might be time to end the marriage.

7. class="stepBg">Step 7

   Appraise your own health. How is your stress level? Are you sleeping well? Eating properly? Exercising regularly? Attending to personal hygiene as you once did? If the problems in your marriage are having an effect on your personal health it might be time to end it.

8. class="stepBg">Step 8

   Seek counsel if you and your spouse have come to a point where you can no longer communicate. Sometimes an outsider can offer perspectives on problems that seem hopeless.

9. class="stepBg">Step 9

   Determine to give your all to your marriage for a designated period of time. Make your best effort and really try to improve your marriage. If at the end of this time you still feel hopeless, you will have a feeling of closure knowing you did your best to save the marriage.