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“The pain associated with
relationships has more to do with fear, than love.”
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Who hasn‘t experienced the pain of love? Or is it the pain of rejection?
The pain of self doubt? The pain of fear? It‘s important to distinguish
between love and totally separate feelings.
When it comes to pain surrounding love, we‘re more likely referring
to the “add-ons” of love. The love baggage, we might call it.
For some reason, many people assume negative emotions are a part or element
of love. But experientially we know this isn‘t true.
Love is not painful, it feels incredible. The pain and hurt we
feel doesn’t
come from love, it comes from our doubts, fears, anxiety, perceived
rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, envy, etc. So why do
we as a culture
lump all those other feelings in with love?
Perhaps its because we feel these uncomfortable emotions most often
in association with our love relationships. Our primary relationships
are important to us, so we assume these doubts and fears are all part
of the loving experience. But is this really true?
When we are fearful, angry, anxious, unhappy, or jealous, are we truly
experiencing a state of love? They sure feel different, don‘t they?
Love feels warm, open, joyous and filled with a deep sense of appreciation.
Pain steps into a love relationship when you switch it from a "wanted
relationship," into a "needed relationship." You don‘t
NEED any one relationship. Want? Yes. Need? No.
If you go into a relationship not feeling terribly good about yourself,
you‘re more likely to become dependent on your partner to help you feel
good about yourself. If we felt empty before they appeared in our
lives, we fear the emptiness returning if they leave, so their staying
with us becomes paramount. That dependency can create all kinds of fear
and unhappiness when there‘s a perceived threat to you staying together.
If we aren’t giving ourselves the
acceptance we
crave, we look to those around us to provide it for us. Again,
none of this has a thing to do with the love you feel, but everything
to do with the
fear you feel.
If you really want to remove the love baggage of fear and unhappiness,
the first step is to improve your self
awareness and self acceptance.
Taken from ~ Live In This Moment Now