WomanSavers.com Forum / ABUSE HELP / When enough is enough

Webnavigator:  You don‘t need me to tell you that you are in an extremely abusive and destructive relationship, and that you are being thoroughly manipulated by this man.  You need to leave this asshole for good and be done with this.  Life is too short to live like this, and it isn‘t going to get any better.

You can do it.  Contact your local women‘s shelter network.  They have a lot of resources.  You have options.  There are others on this board who have also had this life experience.  I won‘t say that it is easy, but it can be done.  There is a lot of support available.  We are here for you.

Making you feel guilty, making you feel worthless, blaming you for his problems is an abuser‘s modus operandi.  They all do this.  It doesn‘t make it true. 

You don‘t need to change.  You just need to get help, and get out. 

webnavigator wrote:

I left my husband about two years ago and moved from our home due to physical abuse.  He has hit me in the face multiple times due to comments like telling him to "Calm Down" or one time I told him he was "being childish" We went to court and my attorney said he lied saying I was abusive to his daughter and himself, told them I took things from the house that weren‘t mine from his 17 year old "little girl", one of which was my cat I had before the relationship started.  He told me later that he never said those things it was just our attorneys playing us off each other. After I moved he ended up convincing me that he was sorry and the behavior would never happen again. We ended up not divorcing. He was not working, did not have medical insurance and could not afford housing or food for his children so I took them all in.  We purchased a house together a year later.  It is now 2.5 years later and it is all starting again.  He calls me names, he gets angry and throws stuff on the floor for me to pick up.  I can‘t get him to do anything to help out inside the house including putting away his own cloths, yet he always tells me how lazy I am because I go to sleep at 9 pm.  I can not talk to him with because he never lets me finish my sentences or thoughts.  After Christmas he started arranging things in particular way and demanding things like the coffee pot be at a certain angle at all times. I just feel like it is a matter of time before he goes off the deep end and starts hitting me again.  Life with him is a roller coaster.   He does complain that I nag him too much but if he would listen to my feelings I wouldn‘t feel like I need to complain.  Seems everything is my fault.  He has diabetes and he said it is my fault from the stress I put him under.  It is my fault his daughter is leaving (she is 20 and going to college.)  He has already started to have violent fits and destroy our property.  He started accusing me of taking power cords, ipod cords, letters...all these things are on his desk in plain site most times. When is enough?  Why do I feel like I should try harder?  I listen to my feeling and they don‘t make sense.  Is something inside my heart trying to tell me something?  Am I just afraid to be alone?  Have I been broken mentally? Is all this my fault? So many unanswered questions.  How will I know when enough is enough and it is time to leave?

 and I completely agree with Rhiannon.  Get out of there ASAP.

When is enough enough?  When you decide it is.  Why do you feel like you should try harder?  Because that‘s how he‘s moulded you to think, unbeknownst to you.   Are you afraid to be alone?  I don‘t think so.  You left him before.  Are you broken mentally?  No, not broken.  You‘re a bit beat down, though, as anyone living under those circumstances would be.  You reached out for help.  That‘s a really good sign.  All your fault?  No way!  Your heart is trying to tell you that you don‘t deserve this.  You were not created and do not live to put up with this BS from anyone. 

Like you, I too feel it‘s just a matter of time before he strikes you again.  Please get out before that happens.   I‘ll suggest that you Google the term "Narcissistic Personality Disorder."  He sounds like a textbook case.