WomanSavers.com Forum / ABUSE HELP / My situation deteriorated further

Well, I guess my situation deteriorated from being just verbal to worse at my house.  I have a treatable cancer now I found out just yest,  and today I got abused, over I asked the old man to put the sponge in the diswasher sometimes, and he screamed all night and me and ended up hurting me, accidentally, he said, cause he grabbed my comforter and flipped me off the bed and I ended up hitting the side of the bed and getting hurt.  He had started some new antidepressants so he is up and down right now.  He didn‘t even tell me, I found them on my own.  I think this guy is kinda dishonest, and has some problems he didn‘t tell me about.  Then I went to a friends house for a while, he said I was a liar. 

 I burnt his potatoes cause I had to take a business phone call and I didn‘t hear the timer going off from the other side of the house, so he was already super mad.  Then he blamed me for the whole fight today and he also called me a whole bunch of names, and wouldn‘t sleep with me in bed.  When does it stop for me here.  I don‘t know who to go to tell.  I think the constant stress at my house is causing me to be physically ill, because it is so stressful.  I guess I did the wrong thing staying, he has become like a dad and he takes no blame for any of the fights, that is playing brain games.

I am hoping that Bubblecropper is wrong and you do stand up for yourself.

You need to leave him.  He will not change.  YOU have to be the one to change.  God only gave you one life.  This is it.  God doens‘t want you to waste your life being unhappy.  You could be healing if you were gone.

Two years ago in January I went into the doctor.  He told me he was looking for cancer.  I had blood clots and I was doing shot of Loveknox twice a day.  I underwent a bunch of tests for 3 weeks...all of them trying to find the cancer the doctor suspected was there.

While this was going on I found my husband‘s picture and ad on match.com.  He would yell, scream, belittle and throw temper tantrums just like your husband. I broke down in emotional turmoil at my doctors office.  I told him what was going on.  My DOCTOR ordered me to divorce my husband for the sake of my health.

It turns out thankfully that I don‘t have cancer.  I have Crohns disease.  There is no cure.  But I definitely have less stress going on!  This has helped me immensley.  I know that physically and emotionally I can‘t DO my husband anymore.

It took me kicking him out, and lot‘s of counseling from a great counselor at the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center.  Complete NO CONTACT was the key to my survival.   Getting the order of protection kept me safe from most of his craziness.

I found it weird that for a good long time, I could tell when it was time for him to act up.  Sort of like knowing when the winds are going to change or the tide is going to come in.  I was so wrapped up in everything HE DID, HE SAID, HE WANTED.  That I was completely in tune with when one of his temper tantrums was going to come.

Now, my days go on endlessly and there are no ups and downs or drama.  Life is relaxing.  I have a divorce date coming in a week and I‘m a tad bit nervous.  But I know I will be relieved to know that he is a chapter in my life that is over.

I‘m telling you this, to give you some hope.  So that you know that LIFE can go on without your abusive husband.

You are sick now.  You need to watch out for you.  GET OUT, leave him. 

The next post on here I want to here that you have a plan and you are leaving.

God bless you.

MissL

Hear, hear Miss Luvly!

Stress really does take its toll on the body.

Here were a couple of things I noticed when I left my ex-husband:

1)  I haven‘t had a yeast or urinary tract infection since I have been single.  Not one - in 10 years! I used to stock my shelves with "women‘s products" for infections I just could never seem to get rid of - no matter what I did!  These conditions magically disappeared once he was gone;

2)  I used to be chronically constipated with severe colitis.  I would go home from work doubling over in pain.  I had Metamucil in the fridge.  I ate oatmeal.  I ate bran muffins.  I went for the "high fiber."  If there was one slight change in eating patterns, the condition worsened.  Once he moved out of the house, this "chronic condition" (with many years of suffering) completely disappeared - almost overnight.  I no longer have these ailments, and am so "regular" that it is completely ridiculous, and there is no "special diet."  The reason?  I got rid of all that stress!

Alpha, we can sympathize, but we can‘t really help you unless you help yourself.  You need to leave him. 

Alpha,

For the 1000th time   LEAVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

This will not get better...you need to take care of yourself right now...and always.

We can tell you til we‘re blue in the face but you don‘t want to listen to us. Take it from some women who know.

Thanks for all the kind posts.  I am working on leaving.  He just calls me crazy and bullys me.  I have gotten a book about that, and it has helped a lot - as dumb as that sounds.  I saw alot of info that applied to my situation. I feel sick when I hang out with him too much, just like some of you said.   I always in the past took care of others and not myself, so I am trying to change that.  Thanks for the help ladies! 

I have been working on moving out but have been ill lately, so it is going slower than I‘d like to.  But I am.  I hope all of this happened for a reason, but who knows. 

Thanks again for the help.  I am posting this stuff also, so other folks might get some help out of it.

I am applying to comm college soon to try and help others and move on, and focus less on guys right now.  It honestly just feels like they all just want something from me right now.  I am going to have to take out a loan for one year of school, but probably it would be worth it.

One of the other things that happened was the dude got ED from the anti-depressants.  He didn‘t bother to tell me all this stuff ahead of time, so I had just thought that entire time that I wasn‘t attractive, etc.  If he had just told me sooner, would have saved me some pain.  If I brought it up, I was "bothering him."