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MESSAGE
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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 11/23/2009 2:02 PM |
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Subject: Update and Encouters with the EX |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 31
Total Posts: 69
detroit
Michigan
United States
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Hi everyone,
I am now 2.5 months out of the relationship with the EX, and doing great. I am getting back into my pre-EX routine, and loving it. Getting out with friends and doing what I want to do. Making some major decisions on my own. Several people have commented that I am back to my old self again, and someone said that I sound different than I did while with the EX.
I am still dating the same guy I wrote here about. We are taking things very slow, so that we do this the right way. Always on the lookout for anything that might be an issue. I think we are still in the "honeymoon state", but I read somewhere that it takes about 3 months for the real person to start coming out, or you start seeing it. So, we‘re on our way there, we‘ve been dating for a little over a month now. So far, things are going well.
Over all, I‘m doing well.
I was talking with a friend I haven‘t seen since before the breakup. She knew the EX a lot longer than I knew him. She mentioned that she would have never guessed the things that he did, and she only knew a few of the things. Anyways, she mentioned something...
She had a friend with a similar experience (abusive EX, bad breakup, etc) and that her EX, years later, still pops up with something to torture this friend. Like, he will give it some time, lay low, and then does something that will throw her off, and she has to constantly look behind her back, etc, waiting for the next thing. I call this torture, because, honestly, that‘s what it seems like to me.
My EX has done something to this effect, where he ended up getting my business‘s website transferred out to his name, which he now owns. This happened a month after the break up. My EX is best described as a Sociopath and Narcissist.
My question..
Is this common when these abusive men get out of a relationship to come back and ‘torture‘ their ex‘s time to time? Should I be doing something to protect myself against him? I am trying to move, but it looks like that wont happen until early to mid of next year sometime.
This post ended up being longer than it was meant to be, sorry about that.. guess I had more to get out than I thought.
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 11/23/2009 2:59 PM |
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Subject: Update and Encouters with the EX |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 4659
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Total Posts: 362
Americas Finest Citee
California
United States
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They do come back. They start to think about the situation and find some reason why you left them. Deep down they know they‘re the reason but admit that to themselves? highly unlikely. So, they get angry with you for leaving them. Some men don‘t...some do.
I think the best thing you can do is to make sure all your ties with him are severed.
Change all your online passwords and account #‘s for anything he had access to.
If it does happen where he comes back to haunt you...Do your best to diffuse it quickly and by all means neccessary do not let him know what he is doing is hurting you. He does not deserve the satisfaction to let his actions affect you. The second is starts bothering you file a police report if you can. Stop him dead in his tracks!! Make sure they know you see him as a threat. They may be enough to keep him away.
I am so glad you‘re doing better...and I‘ve been reading your posts since the beginning...You‘ve really done a full turn around...I am very happy for you....Just keep it up!! You‘re doing great...there are many steps to heal and you‘re on your way!!
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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 11/25/2009 7:42 AM |
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Subject: Update and Encouters with the EX |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 31
Total Posts: 69
detroit
Michigan
United States
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| Kitty Kitty wrote: |
I am so glad you‘re doing better...and I‘ve been reading your posts since the beginning...You‘ve really done a full turn around...I am very happy for you....Just keep it up!! You‘re doing great...there are many steps to heal and you‘re on your way!!
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Now that you mentioned it..
I looked up my first few posts, and read through them. You are right, I was here like I was in my real world.. I refused to talk about it. Now, I feel different than before. I really do feel like I‘ve come along well since then.
I know that now, I am able to talk about the abuse, and how it made me feel. For the first few weeks, I refused to talk about it, with anyone, even my close cousin. Now, I can discuss it. Especially that now I am getting my friendships back with some friends I stopped contact with, and when they ask what happened, I can tell them. We can talk about it, and I am ok with that. The good thing is that no one has berated me for staying with him so long.. I guess perhaps I was afraid of that? Also, last night I mentioned to a friend something about the ‘abuse‘ and my son asked, EX was abusive? He didn‘t realize that that was abuse or perhaps he just didn‘t know what abuse is..., he‘s nearly a teenager. I will talk to him more about it today..
This makes me feel better, knowing that I have healed more.
As far as the EX...
I have changed ALL my passwords, and then cut all ties, as far as I know. I even have his emails going to my spam folder and his IMs are blocked. I have started a new business with the state to replace the one he ruined, so that I can go on with my life. My last step is to move, so working on that (really have to wait until the school year is over).
Feeling great, I am greatful for all the support, here and in my real world.
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| Kitty Kitty |
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Posted: 11/26/2009 10:07 AM |
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Subject: Update and Encouters with the EX |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 4659
Total Posts: 362
Americas Finest Citee
California
United States
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You have a good head on your shoulders. And it‘s hard to talk about these things at first. We want to ignore them, and alot of times are shameful for what we‘ve put up with when we look back.
It‘s great you‘re being open to your friends...and you can tell real friends when they don‘t judge you, they just listen and are there for you.
As far as talking to your almost teenage son about what constitutes abuse and what you went through....Be open and honest...he needs to know what you‘ve been through and why it‘s wrong. You want him growing up having respect for women and when he hears such a situation going on later in life, he‘ll remember what it did to you...and never do it to women. I don‘t think it comes up in too many households. But it‘s time it came up in yours.
I hope things keep going the way they are for you...and I‘m glad you‘re looking out for yourself.
Keep us updated.
KK
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