WomanSavers.com Forum / ABUSE HELP / i feel pressured to stay in marriage now

Did I read your post correctly??? He will be all right if YOU improve???????

Pack your **** and leave him. Let HIM have a FEW weeks to think things over.

WTF IS WRONG WITH MEN???

Remember that he can‘t make you do anything you don‘t want to do.  It is your decision.

If he wants you to stay, he needs to make efforts to change.  Maybe he needs to give up the twinkie and the videogames!

 I know ladues thanks for the backup, what a tard he is some days.  You did read that right if I improved was all he said. 

I am going to give him a few wks to think it over, no doubt. 

Meantime I‘m getting my crap packed, i.e. trust but verify.  He just doesn‘t want me to meet somebody else, so he is trying to smooth it over big time but without saying he‘ll change or anything or admitting blame.  He yelled at me until 2 am yest, too, and then at 8:30 am.  He is probably too much of a handful for me.

Alpha

I‘ll apologise beforehand here sweetie, because I‘m guessing I‘ll come across as either harsh or uncaring.

And I am neither, believe me.

I havent read all your posts but most of them that I have read suggest that you are always SECOND GUESSING yourself in this relationship. If you could call it that, that is.

You question every aspect of his abusive behaviour in relation to what you could have done or might have done............. to explain his behaviour away...... or to justify it!!

He is, in my humble book, a POS. Totally in denial about his own issues, behaviours. Completely at ease and comfortable to put all the blame on you.

What saddens me is your willingness to accept this.

You, like me and everyone else here are NOT God, you, nor I or anyone has the power to shape, make or define how another human being behaves in this life.

As long as you are willing to accept or question your actions in relation to how HE CHOOSES to behave, then I fear he will continue to put the onus on you.

I dont know ought about you girlie, where you came from, what up-bringing you had or even how you know yourself or even feel about yourself.

What I know for sure is this....... you do not deserve, nor have done anything to warrant this kind of treatment.

He has to own his own SHIT before he can even begin to deal with it.

You need to see that you do NOT need to buy into his SHIT and question yourself.

What should drive you and concern you is your willingness to keep excusing his crap.

Please, please, stick around here, read loads and even if it takes a little bit of enlightnment, each and everyday, DONT give up.

Tula

Tula thinks she is harsh.

I‘m about to get the wax out of your ears.

You come on here complaining, then you tell us what "he said".

What HE SAYS DOESN‘T MATTER.

I used to do the same thing.  I would go in and tell my counselor his every thought and every thing he said like he was some sort of God and everything had to go past how he felt or thought.

So, now the wake up call!!  *trumpets are blaring*

I was a dumb ass for listening to my husband‘s crap for so long and so are you.

Just take a breath, walk out that door and stay gone.

 He isn‘t going to change, and even if he did isn‘t it just a little to late?  You think that he loves you because he doesn‘t want to see you with anyone else...and he seems to be getting nervous.

Bull****.

He‘s nervous cause his meal ticket is about to walk out the door.  He would actually have to go out and pretend to be somebody again, so that he could find another woman.  What a pain in the ass that would be!

Now, look here.  RUN!

I am raising 4 kids on my own because my deadbeatdaddy won‘t pay child support.  He now owes me 7 months worth. You remember how he was on the PC all the time and refused to help out.  Well now he is living in a $230,000  ( for here that is a nice house, in other parts it would run about $400,00) house with a woman who has money and screws with the system every chance he gets and absolutely refuses to send child support.

Do YOU want to be in my position?  GO.

.

Thanks I agree.  I didn‘t want to hurt him, but I had wanted a kid, now I‘ve wasted 3 yrs with the gamer and have nothing to show for it.  Except I don‘t have to waste my whole life, too.  He keeps trying to talk me into staying and I think it is just talk.

Yeah, I agree I think he knows he wouldn‘t be able to play these games with a new girl.  I am exactly the same way I have always worried about what he was thinking until I read the codepend book, how stupid was that.  Hard to admit, huh.  I can see through it now.  Yeah I don‘t want to end up like what you described, and that was where things were headed.  I‘m sorry it came out that way for you.

I just want to make some new friends and focus on career stuff right now.  I have given most of my extra stuff away by now on the plus side.

Alpha - Why would you want to have a baby with this guy?  You‘d be raising two kids instead of one.  You‘d be doing your child no favors, and it would likely make your current situation worse than it is now.  Babies do not repair bad relationships.

Chances are - you would end up divorced anyway, and then you‘d be a divorced single parent.  How would you provide for the child?

Many of us had children, ended up divorced, and are raising our children after divorce.  Although we have managed, coped and survived, it doesn‘t mean that it‘s what we wanted or planned.

Put yourself in a position where you can leave.  Get a job.  It will get your mind on something else, and some jingle in your pocket besides.