WomanSavers.com Forum / ABUSE HELP / He started screaming badly again today

Thanks for everybody‘s help.  I keep having problems with my husband.   His parents have only contacted me 1/2 calls over about three years.  Does anyone think that is odd?  The guy blamed it all on me that they aren‘t making an effort to call...said no one wanted to talk to me and it was all my fault that they didn‘t want to be friends.  We don‘t always get along, but I have done the best I can.  They don‘t call me or do anything for my birthday, might have just asked for a voice mail or e-mail about it.  I haven‘t ever got one...I take it personally and it really hurts some to be honest, and I know I shouldn‘t.  I said moving forward, I wanted to get to know them better.

I brought it up and said you need to talk to the parents, can they just call 2/3 times a year, cause I feel kinda hurt about my birthday, he said no, and screamed and said I had an anger problem cause I asked him to do something.  He went into my room and started to try and pack my stuff to scare me.  He said no I don‘t deserve to have them talk to me, and then he then slammed the door and called me some pretty bad names and yelled.  He then threatened to divorce me over that.  Is it just me, or is that a little overreaction?  I did not yell or anything, and I tried to pick my timing with him.  He said no he won‘t talk to them.  It is frankly not ok that I‘m with somebody and was supposed to have a kid with somebody and I don‘t know the folks at all.  Sorry, this all is very embarrassing.

I don‘t think it‘s odd Alpha.  I just don‘t think that his family is very close like that, to even consider calling someone.

Now, the fact that he knows it hurts you.  He will use this to place a wedge in between you and them.  This way he can have his family as a set of jurors to use against you.

He has you upset with them...and them upset with you.  This is just the way he likes it.

Been there..done that.  You just have to move on and quit worrying what he and his family think.  You have to quit worrying about his eating habits, his gaming habits.  He left the world to go play World of War Crack. or Never Rest....that is his problem.

My husband named his dominion on line "My Wife Is Gonna Kill Me".  He had been playing this game for 3 years straight.  Each game lasted 7 weeks and he could log in and take a turn every hour.  He would go to work early...so he could play at work. He posted on a board that he would love to start a porn site...but he couldn‘t because "I was too jealous".   What a ****ing asshole he was.  He took pictures of my makeup and sent them to his friends saying that I used "Power Tools" to put my make up on.

I am sooo glad he is gone.  The new girlfriend can have him.

You can‘t change him.  Remeber the movie Ferris Buehler‘s Day Off?  In the movie Ferris‘s sister is consumed with the fact that her brother never gets caught.  She hates it.  In the end she learns to not worry about him.  She learns to just worry about herself and enjoy life.

You keep wanting advice...

Leave him.  Go and find yourself.  You spend far too much time worrying about him. 

Alpha - Forget trying to make his family like you.  It isn‘t going to happen.  Hmmm...might they be where he learned his lack of social skills from? 

It might be nice if they treated you like a daughter in-law and acknowledged your birthday, but you won‘t die without it. 

I agree with Kahlan about him not wanting to live in reality.

Thanks, I agreed with what you guys said.  I am off the "approval treadmill" with him and his family.  I have accepted the gaming at a normal level, not when it was interfering with  my life, and it has.  It was a process for me too, to understand WOW, but then again gaming is not that uncommon among my friends now, either.  I don‘t have a problem with it as long as it doesn‘t affect our marriage and my time, but it is now.  I think this guy has some underlying problems, probably depression issues.  One of my other friends is a big bear of a guy that is a gamer, except he‘s pretty nice most of the rest of the time.  For quite some time this guy made me do all the housework and accuses me of meeting other guys when I have to leave over his anger.  He tries to stay by controlling now, not by being a nice person I feel like.

Everytime I‘m trying to move forward he interferes seemingly as much as he can, I think so I end up sticking around.   He then says we‘re not having a kid due to me asking him to game less.  He was verbally abusive all night last night cause I brought his folks up and I asked for some help with one of my tires.  Then I thought, hey, I‘m married, why I am not getting much help ever?  I am moving my stuff out right now when he is gone or he gets angry.  I am trying to move forward on working with animals and downscaling my own life.  I am giving my extra crap to charity, and I have been worried about how to try and meet other people right now, and have to tell them I lost the old man to the game.  I‘m sure my girlfriends understand, but my guy friends so far have been telling me just to stay and put up with all of it.

Thanks for all the messages.  I am rising above the in-law situation and have just offered to send them a card on holidays.  But it seems to be getting worse for me at home lately -  he is waking up angry, going to bed angry.  He screams some every night and locks himself in his computer room and is now almost all his meals in his room where he games.  I told him my marriage counselor thinks he may have a depression problem, he says theres‘s no way for anybody to know that if they haven‘t met him, that I‘m crazy and he all the time says he‘s so benevolent to let me stay with him as I‘m a mean wife and nobody else would want me blah blah.

He is verbally abusive most days and said it is ok to call names when he feels like it.  The dog seems kind of afraid of him right now. He likes to play it that he is the victim though, whenever I bring stuff up.  It is becoming about every other day the verbal abuse though, now.  He also said when I cry I am manipulating him so he can‘t show me any love over that.  Yesterday he was abusive that I wanted to read my news from CNN cause I‘m a lefty..he started making fun of me for no reason and was trying to make me read the Drudge report and stuff.  I have asked him in the past to respect my political beliefs.  Doesn‘t.

I do think he is abusive and am working on moving on.