You know, friends and family can often be the most judgmental when it comes to our choices and mistakes. While it‘s good to listen to their opinions, you can‘t let anyone else make your decisions for you.
It is easy for a third party - who has no emotional involvement in your situation - to sit there, look at your life, tell you what you‘re doing wrong, and what you should do differently. It is another thing entirely to be the one walking in your shoes. They aren‘t living your life - you are.
Ask their opinions if you will, but let the final decisions be yours - based on your own intuition, good judgment and common sense. If they are true friends, they will support you even if they can‘t stand your husband.
When you sign on for any long term, committed relationship, you are going to put up with a certain amount of "bad" times. Few relationships in real life resemble romance novels. No matter who you end up with, you are going to end up "putting up with" something. The same is true of jobs, and moving to new places. You take the bad with the good, and for the most part, you exchange one set of problems for another.
To look at your situation objectively, I would say that you are disappointed to find out that this man isn‘t quite what you thought he was. That would be you, and most of the population when it comes to marriage. When you dated him, he probably had his company manners on, and was exhibiting his best behavior. That is a lot different than living with somebody.
I‘ve heard you talk a lot about what you don‘t like about your husband, Alpha, but is there anything about you that needs to change?
There is a tendency among us co-dependent folks (of which I am one) to analyze our loved ones to death, with a long list of behaviors we‘d like them to change, while we neglect ourselves, and our own needs, and hesitate to make needed changes in our own lives. We become hooked on trying to "fix" someone else, instead of taking care of ourselves.
The only person you can change or control is yourself. How much of your own unhappiness has to do with things you are doing, or not doing?
I can tell you that even if you get a divorce, or move on, that all your problems don‘t just disappear with ending a relationship. You still have to live with yourself, and your problems will follow you everywhere.
I can tell you that if you end up alone - raising kids by yourself - you won‘t have to live with your husband‘s problems or his quirks - but you will probably have to work full-time and do everything by yourself.
I don‘t have any problem with that. Being a single parent has been far better than even one day of being married to my ex-husband, but I can tell you that being alone isn‘t perfect either. You want to make sure that if you go there, you can handle it.
Some things come with getting older. One thing I learned a long time ago is that nobody makes you happy but yourself.
Something I learned in my own life is that it doesn‘t always pay to listen to friends. Some friends do not have your best interests at heart. There can be hidden rivalries or jealousy, or even "misery loves company" situations; i.e., "single friends" who aren‘t successful in love themselves, and can‘t stand to see their friends happy, so they capitalize on bringing others down. Watch for those kinds of people, because they are out there.
I had a sister do that with an ex-husband of mine (the first man I married). She couldn‘t say one good thing about him. I didn‘t discover until 22 years after we divorced, that she was jealous. She wasn‘t the reason for the divorce, but she certainly influenced me more than she should have.
I would look at getting a job and/or going back to school if I were in your shoes. Become financially independent. It will give you less time to focus on him, and will build your self esteem. Quit waiting for him to make you happy.