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| seelie |
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Posted: 10/6/2009 1:03 PM |
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Subject: alcoholism |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 32
Total Posts: 2
elgin
Illinois
United States
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hello,
i am wondering if anyone knows if there is anything i can do about the situation i have gotten myself into. i live with an alcoholic man, or rather, he lives with me. his name is not on my lease, but we have been using his check to pay the rent (i pay everything else). i have an eight year old girl from a previous marriage.
my problem is this. this man refuses to leave. and he refuses to stop drinking. he has driven drunk with my son in the car, although he has never been caught doing it by law enforcement. he is not physically abusive to either of us, and never has been. but i feel very strongly that it is very bad for my child to see him drunk and how he acts. i know that living with a drunk can be really bad for children. also, i have custody of my daughter, but my ex-husband would try to fight for custody, if he could prove that there was anything bad going on at my house. i feel that it is only a matter of time before he is able to gather evidence of this alcoholism.
i don‘t know what to do. i have fought with him, but he will not leave. i don‘t think i can get a restraining order, because he is not physically hurting anyone. but i am scared to death that i will end up losing my child because i can‘t find away to get rid of him legally. i did not know what he was when he moved in. since then, i have been trying to do what i think is the right thing for my daughter, but i can‘t seem to get it done. does anyone have any information that might help me?
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| nowthatiseethetruth |
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Posted: 10/6/2009 4:05 PM |
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Subject: alcoholism |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 31
Total Posts: 58
detroit
Michigan
United States
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Hello,
If Illinois laws are anything like ours here, here is what I did:
I called the local police dept and told them what was going on, that I needed to get this person out of here. They told me I needed to call the court. I did, and they had me come up and get an eviction notice form. It is a form YOU fill out as the landlord. Even though you are not an actual landlord, that is what you fill out. Then you give it to him. He has 30 days to move out. If he does not, then you go at 30 days to the court to file the eviction notice. That process gets started, and I believe you may even get a court date. The police will make him leave.
Do what I did.. hide your valuables and anything breakable. If there is a safe place for your child to go to, like grandma‘s, it may be a good idea. It doesn‘t matter that he pays the rent, legally it is your place.
Good luck.
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| seelie |
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Posted: 10/9/2009 1:17 PM |
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Subject: alcoholism |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 32
Total Posts: 2
elgin
Illinois
United States
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to be honest, i was trying to obfuscate. i have only one child, and i was trying not to say what sex the child is, because i fear repercussions if someone figures out who i am. yes, of course i would want the best for any children. but i only have one.
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| Miss Luvly1 |
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Posted: 10/9/2009 4:00 PM |
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Subject: alcoholism |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
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Total Posts: 799
The Rondanthe
Minnesota
United States
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In my opinion, you cannot wait for him to drive drunk with your son in the car again. You will never forgive yourself if something should happen to him.
You say your ex would be filing for custody if he found out about the circumstances....AND well he should! I was faced with the same dilema when my STBX threatened to beat my son. He gave me no choice but to protect my son. I filed for an order of protection and got it. Even though he had not hit my son, I got in the way. But threatening harm will get you there too. My son told me "Mom, my dad made me promise to tell him if **** ever threatened to hurt him." and I knew he was right. I also know that I would demand the same thing if the kids had been living with him.
This is what you must do. You have to go to the police and report this. You should then be able to get an order of protection or in some way have him move out of the home.
If you can‘t afford the rent without him, then you need to find someplace within your budget. But DO NOT keep him in the house.
This is showing your child that the drunk you have living with you is more important than him. I‘m sure that‘s not true, now is it?
Good luck ML
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| Rhiannon |
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Posted: 10/10/2009 12:13 PM |
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Subject: alcoholism |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 0
Total Posts: 3134
Lacey
Washington
United States
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If his name is not on the lease, he doesn‘t have a legal right to live there.
Question: Why are you relying on his income to pay all the bills? Do you have your own income? Do you have enough money to pay the rent and utility bills yourself? Would you be able to manage on your own?
Kick him out. Use the "driving drunk with my child in the car" if nothing else.
If it takes a court order or an ex parte restraining order, I don‘t think you‘d have any trouble getting one. Im sure the judge would grant it. He‘d be served, and he‘d be outa there.
You don‘t have to put up with this.
I did the "alcoholic boyfriend" routine in the past, too, and it‘s no good. It isn‘t good for you, and it isn‘t good for your children. Send him packing, and regain your sanity.
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| Alpha89 |
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Posted: 10/20/2009 8:20 PM |
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Subject: alcoholism |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 37
Total Posts: 58
Boulder
Colorado
United States
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 I have dated one alcoholic guy in the past...it only gets worse. I got my arse out of there pretty fast. You should too. Your life is worth something also.
I would go talk to a counselor and tell them you have an alcoholic in your life, or go to some free Al Anon group meetings. Also contact an attorney and save up money. Sorry.
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