WomanSavers.com Forum / ABUSE HELP / I‘m so lost and alone

I don‘t know how much more my body can take.  I know he is dying but must I stay until he dies???  I‘m tired of him beating me on my head with a baseball bat and kicking on my knees.  I was forced to drink 64 oz of water and then he wouldn‘t let me go to the bathroon, when I couldn‘t take it anymore, I had a accident and couldn‘t stop.  My body is as young as it was. 

My dr. thinks I may also have cancer.  He does also.  Now I have to wait and see was my tests determine.  He was angy because I didn‘t tell him I had a brain scan.  Hell yes, I had one.  I need to know if my brain is damaged.  I don‘t feel normal and my head feels like it‘s in a vise all the time. 

He doesn‘t need me and I don‘t need the heatache which is where he punches me.  How much long do I have to suffer before I can finally let go of everything??

My counselor noticed something in me, as long as I complained and searched for reasons "why" it kept me from searching to ways to improve myself. 

Think about it.  From what I‘ve read, you‘ve been in this situation for 1 year. 

My suggestion is to stop asking why‘s and when‘s.  Make a plan for yourself to become self-sufficient and independant.

I started by making myself a list and bye God I stuck to it.

What positive thing am I going to do for myself this month? 

Next month?

1. start my own savings account.  $50 a week.

2. 2 nights a week I would walk 2 miles.

3. Find a church I like and get involved.

4. volunteer 4 hours a week in a nursing home.

5. every other Saturday another friend and I would go to the movies.

This increased my self esteem and in 1 year I left and got divorced.  Amazingly, family and friends immediately came to my rescue. 

You can do it by making short term and long term goals!  

I‘ve beenr eading your posts for a while now.

My God, get the hell out & leave the fvcking bastard! Go to your family or a women‘s shelter. Just get out!

Are you going to stay there until this man kills you? He does not love you, he won‘t ever love you, and it seems like you hate yourself, because you stay and accept his abuse.

YOU DESERVE BETTER - YOU ARE A WORTHWHILE PERSON!

PLEASE GET OUT NOW!!!!! PLEASE!

I am praying for you,

UB

Hi everyone,

Yes, I‘ve left 13 times in the last year.  I feel like a fool for returning to the same crap.  I don‘t except you to know what it‘s like to same in front of him and constantly be punch and to be talked about like your worse than a flea.  Also, to realize that this person helped you when you couldn‘t walk, took you to the dr, gave you injections on a daily basis and literally saved your life when you were in a care accident.  If it wasn‘t for the years of him doing for me and giving me things, I would have never returned.  

I want to live  and I know Jesus loves me.  I‘ve been torn down so much that it‘s so hard to pick myself up and believe in me.  This morning I was going to leave and he knew it.  He knows me very well.  He told me, if I took his cell phone and house keys, he would come after me and kill me.  He would do it because he has nothing to live for.  He‘s in pain 24/7 and he throws up constantly.    Why  do I go back? I don‘t want him coming after me.  He‘s not afraid of the police or anyone.  He is a danger to me and my family.   He could die at any time and if he kills me then putting him in prison wouldn‘t hurt him at all.    He only wants to pay me back for lying to him for 35 yrs and ignoring him.  He has always done everything 110% and when I don‘t give him 110% he get mad. 

I‘ve been told I give him too much power.  I do, but I‘m afraid and God forbid for you to be where I am, you would be too.

My plan is to get some of my clothes out and take what money I can and leave.  I will have to find another job, probably leave the state.  But I can do it.  He wants to kill my family and he knows about the shelters in this state.  His family members were judges.  I can do it.  There will never be a good time to go.  So I will just go, once I leave the keys and cell phone.  He wants me to leave naked and bleeding.