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| wrstein |
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Posted: 7/5/2008 3:58 AM |
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Subject: do i say anything? How should I ‘act‘? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 42
Total Posts: 2
altoona
Pennsylvania
United States
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I wrote a post about "concerned about red flags or just a jealous friend". I looked into the PFA of my friend‘s boyfriend for two reasons: to "give the guy a break", if necessary, OR to justify my gut feeling. The gut didn‘t lie. What I found was worse than what I had expected. Guns, physical abuse of stepson, 81 year old mother-in-law, and verbal abuse of everyone in the house. It‘s a classic "Jekyl-Hyde" personality. I did not tell my friend what I did. Now, I have to keep this information to myself. My friend shows other friends the "cute text messages", brags how wonderful he is with her, leaves her gifts, etc. She rarely mentions him to me (even if I am present, she turns to the other friends with these things). Although, she ocassionally still reveals "weird behavior" of this man‘s children, etc. It‘s like she only tells me the red flags (no one else knows any of the negatives of this man) and she tells everyone else how wonderful he is. It‘s weird? Please offer opinions, suggestions, advice? I don‘t know how I am to act, what I am to say, etc.
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| supermom21664 |
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Posted: 7/5/2008 4:30 AM |
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Subject: do i say anything? How should I ‘act‘? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 44
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Total Posts: 885
Lumberton
Texas
United States
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You need to be there for your friend when SHE decides that she is going to take a stand against him. To often we women will not take off our blinders and see a situation through crystal clear vision.
You have started to educate yourself on some of the types of abuse. That is great. Stand by your frined no matter what she says. She may very well turn on you for a whilke but stay true to her. She will need you.
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| CaliforniaGirl |
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Posted: 7/5/2008 11:41 AM |
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Subject: do i say anything? How should I ‘act‘? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 3
Total Posts: 1238
San Jose
California
United States
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Can you print the information you found about this guy? If so, I would show her. If not, I would tell her what you found.
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| Ursa |
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Posted: 7/6/2008 6:19 AM |
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Subject: do i say anything? How should I ‘act‘? |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 35
Total Posts: 25
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
United States
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Since she has elected you to be the one person to get the truth, perhaps she hopes you will be the one person to help her see it as well. When she‘s calm, and maybe when she‘s confiding to you once again about his dark side, you should hand her a copy of the report and/or tell her what you found out. Tell her you are there for her when she‘s ready to do anything. From experience I can tell you, if you try to push her to act before she‘s ready, she‘ll pull away. When a man is controlling a woman, she‘ll be ultra sensitive to anything that remotely resembles control attempts from other people.
Make sure you know exactly where to go for a PFA and their hours of operation so that the moment she is ready, you can gently yet immediately guide her through the process. Have some numbers handy as well but don‘t push them on her until she‘s ready for them. When she is ready, let her make the plan and be willing to go along with it and follow her instructions. It will be important for her to reclaim control.
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| lorrie |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 3:23 AM |
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Subject: do i say anything? How should I ‘act‘? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 7
Total Posts: 7619
georgetown
Cayman Islands
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hey call me a bitch, but it begs the question: why are you friends anyway?
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