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| wrstein |
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Posted: 6/21/2008 4:47 PM |
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Subject: should red flags be ignored? Or am I a ‘jealous‘ friend?? |
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New WomanSaver
Female Member
Age: 42
Total Posts: 2
altoona
Pennsylvania
United States
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I am searching for information regarding a potential abuser-A very dear friend met a man on "myspace". He is from our town, they communicated for 2 months prior to meeting in person. His profile displayed a very angry, bitter, pompous, overly religious man. He had several female friends on there in which he was extremely complimentary. He appears to be extremely charming and kind, as my friend is now (4 months later) very smitten by him. This man is in the process of a divorce with wife #2, in which there is a PFA against him. He also likes to carry weapons. On a further note, he does not have 1 friend. For some reason, my very beautiful, outgoing, fun-loving friend, has fallen for this man. She has changed so much in this short time, yet she brags about his acts of kindness, etc. I see red flags, but she is blinded to them. Could he actually be a truly good man (I must say, his appearance does not at all fit the "handsome" status that she is familiar with). OR, am I seeing reality in a possible abusive situation? They do not go out and socialize publicly- although, on ocassion, she will join her girlfriends- just the other evening she said, "Bob wanted to have your address incase I needed a ride home". My "awkwardness" over the creepiness I have formulated an opinion on is going to ruin a friendship, I think. I see the lack of our communication, humor, etc. already. What do I do???
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| shally |
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Posted: 6/21/2008 5:19 PM |
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Subject: should red flags be ignored? Or am I a ‘jealous‘ friend?? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 3
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Total Posts: 7413
sittin' pretty on
Isle of Man
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 Sometimes we see more clearly than our friends do. That doesn‘t mean they are going to listen to us. Give your opinion only when asked.
I too would be leary for the man to have my addy. Make it clear to her, you‘d rather he didn‘t.
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| NJ56 |
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Posted: 6/23/2008 6:56 PM |
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Subject: should red flags be ignored? Or am I a ‘jealous‘ friend?? |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 50
Total Posts: 92
Greensboro
North Carolina
United States
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I dont think red flags should be igored.
My counselor told me not to sleep with a man until you have dated for 8 months. The reason being is that everyone puts on their best behavior first, but in time their true self comes out.
My friend introduced me to her uncle. Divorced father of 3 and lives with his mother. For the first 3 months everything was the best. I thought he was wonderful.
He was genuinely concerned about my and my daughters safety since I divorced a wacko. Initially I thought it was heart-warming when he asked me to call him when I got home, when I got to the store, whenever, wherever. He also had no friends and carried a gun in his car. He didnt like my mother, my sister and my friends though. We have a great relationship and discussed everything. One day my ex showed up on my door and stayed for about an hour. it was a friendly visit. My then boyfriend texted me continuously. I called when the ex left and told him we were fine. The boyfriend was so jealous he came to my house with the gun pointed at his head threatening to kill himself on my front porch if I went back to my ex. I calmed him down, sent him home and the very next morning I went to his mothers house and told him and his mother under no uncertain terms was he ever to contact me again. I did not explain the circumstances to his mother. Ony my way out of her house I explained to the then boyfriend that I saw his mother was the only person he truely respected and unless I asked for her assistance I knew he would not abide.
The red flags were; no friends, gun in his car, extremely kind and generous, the constant need to be in touch with me and tried to alienate me from my family and friends.
As an outsider you see what your friend cant. I would ask suttle questions and keep in very close contact.
Avery close female friend of mine asked me this question after the above incident; "what would you instruct your daughter to do?"
That nailed it for me as I would see the warning signs right away if it was someonelse involved but not if it was me.
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| toohappy |
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Posted: 6/25/2008 6:06 PM |
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Subject: should red flags be ignored? Or am I a ‘jealous‘ friend?? |
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WomanSaver Regular
Female Member
Age: 52
Total Posts: 58
Somewhere
Florida
United States
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Are there guys that would actually stick around 8 months? Or even 8 weeks? Hey, does long distance internet contact count in that time period? LOL....
But yeah; maybe you could have a long heart to heart talk with this gal about seeing the ‘big picture‘. If you know his name maybe you could even search him for her, see if you can dig up any dirt on the guy....not everyone is savvy about the information available.....
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| shelbelle |
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Posted: 6/26/2008 4:24 PM |
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Subject: should red flags be ignored? Or am I a ‘jealous‘ friend?? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 21
Total Posts: 662
lalaland
North Carolina
United States
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| wrstein wrote: | | I am searching for information regarding a potential abuser-A very dear friend met a man on "myspace". He is from our town, they communicated for 2 months prior to meeting in person. His profile displayed a very angry, bitter, pompous, overly religious man. He had several female friends on there in which he was extremely complimentary. He appears to be extremely charming and kind, as my friend is now (4 months later) very smitten by him. This man is in the process of a divorce with wife #2, in which there is a PFA against him. He also likes to carry weapons. On a further note, he does not have 1 friend. For some reason, my very beautiful, outgoing, fun-loving friend, has fallen for this man. She has changed so much in this short time, yet she brags about his acts of kindness, etc. I see red flags, but she is blinded to them. Could he actually be a truly good man (I must say, his appearance does not at all fit the "handsome" status that she is familiar with). OR, am I seeing reality in a possible abusive situation? They do not go out and socialize publicly- although, on ocassion, she will join her girlfriends- just the other evening she said, "Bob wanted to have your address incase I needed a ride home". My "awkwardness" over the creepiness I have formulated an opinion on is going to ruin a friendship, I think. I see the lack of our communication, humor, etc. already. What do I do??? |
asking for your address was pretty creepy. the way you talked about him it seems like red flags to me but if you wave them at your friend...she might not believe you and it could mess up your friendship. its just what i think
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