WomanSavers.com Forum / ABUSE HELP / How do I get ME BACK?

Thank you so much for the reply! I have felt very alone here. I need to have more female friends to talk to. Nothing like sisterhood. Seems that everything here has hit me at one time. On top of this I am dealing with my Mom being in the hospital for the last five months she has Pancreatic Cancer. She had an operation called a Whipple. I have had no one to lean on. He siad well you and your Mom fight everyday so if she dies you won‘t have to deal with that anymore less stress in your life. Nothing I can do for you. I have no idea what happened to this man. All this started a year and a half ago and progressively got worse. I guess that was when the girlfriend came into the picture. But why couldn‘t he just do it differently? I know there is no easy way to break up but WHY LIKE THIS! Well yea I think I have that answer.

I cleaned that house because he said it was going to be rented out as a seasonal rental furnished. Even when I saw that his truck was in the driveway at 10pm he still told me that I was nuts the next day when he came by me. He then left because he didn‘t want to hear my STUPID SHIT!

We didn‘t live together because I will never give up my home..(It‘s MINE) to move in with a man and maybe loose everything. Been there did that. Even if we would have I would have kept my place just to feel safe. It‘s paid for.

But I am happy to be here on this site now. I have an Imaginary Closet at the end of my hallway and I feel like for over the years I have been putting parts of me in that closet. It‘s time to start taking parts of me back so I can grow back into me.    

I work at home and have a pretty extensive web store. I sell fake foods and it has been my only sanity.

Again thanks for your replys!

peabody wrote:

I was with Tony Giordano for 8 years. He became Emotionally Abusive to me. His abuse ranges from emotional and verbal. He started with control games and jealousy.He made me think I wasn‘t good enough and that everything that was wrong in our relationship was MY FAULT.It has been very difficult to recover it still hurts.I have very low self-esteem and have been very depressed.My life is now nothing but the empty promises he made.He cheated and justifies his actions so he can be “right” by blaming me.He has made me feel weakl.I actually think it made him feel etter about himself by hurting me. When I caught him cheating he told me I was crazy and being stupid.I guess I have become a bit crazy emotionally I‘m a mess. He say‘s it was my fault because all I did was argue, make up stories in my head. He said if I lost a few pounds and stopped smoking he‘d start taking me out again in the mean time I was to stay home and be nice.He started telling people I am unstable. He broke all his promises,he‘d say he loves you and then he did it all again. He‘d punish me by leaving me alone all the time.When I tried to talk to him I got the silent treatment as punishment.He was criticizing me constantly. He doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him, it is all me.He does not acknowledge his faults. I found out that he moved a woman into a rental house that he had me clean and set up with my Mom‘s old furniture. He is 64 she is 34 and has a 5 year old child. I have sent her tapes of him talking to me on the phone. These conversations where he tells me she is nothing but a pc of ass to him and he doesn‘t plan on being with her long term.That he goes to see her to just get laid.It is cheaper then getting a room. But even after listening to the tapes she also just thinks I‘m nuts.He disrespects women in general but is out there looking for a replacement before he leaves who he is with. That puzzels me. He thinks women have no rights.That it‘s a mans right to cheat.

Oh man I should tell you about a debate I had on the one men‘s rights board I come from with this Christian from Sweden about how he thinks that men have a right to cheat but women don‘t. He was so convinced that he out argued me and he quit posting but he could never get out of his circular reasoning as you will see below.

He tried to claim that he could prove it logically, could prove it with deductive certainty, because protection and bread winning and giving a wife kids are basically the only obligations a man has in a marriage and since the wife doesn‘t work and is coming along for the ride, which is his house and money, it‘s not her business who he ****s. But she doesn‘t get to cheat because the woman is submissive and part of her submissive nature is to submit to only one man. Oh really? Well he didn‘t like how I pointed out that there is nothing inherently contradictory about a wife submitting to her husband and bearing his kids and then cheating on the side. He said it would be bad because if more men realize they can get sex with other men‘s wives, they won‘t marry and reproduce and the populatoin will decline. I then said, but that‘s a consequential argument and you‘re supposed to be arguing that a man has an objective moral right to cheat and in philosophy objective morals are supposed to not be dependent on what happens in society. Therefore he had to prove that just by looking at the concepts of a man and a woman, and looking at definitions, that we could determine, a priori, without recourse to the world, whether or not a man had an objective moral right to cheat.

It all came down to this. he said the greater your responsiblities are (he says as shown above men have more), the more you are entitled to. I then said, "Okay since entitlement comes from fulfilling certain tasks and since when you put out more, you are only entitled to claim more from the said party you are engaged in contract with. Not outside parties (i.e. other women)." Natrually, he didn‘t like that. He basically quit posting and proclaimed victory.

Remember of course he‘s Chrsitian, gotta be fruitful and multiply. Of course the commandment thou shalt not commit adultery doesn‘t mean anything to him. He gets to pick and choose when God is apparently, correct. LOL.

So you see ladies, that‘s why I come to this place every so often. To get away from all the hypocritical bull****. I especially can‘t stand how those guys ingore my posts proving that many conspiracy theories about 9-11, secret families running the world through networks of secret societies, intelligence agencies, are really true.

I have been divorced for 3 years to a mentally cheating abuser too.  I was married for 30 years and it wasnt bad until the last 5 years. 

Finally, after 3 years things have turned ok for me.  I cant say I‘m happy, but I am content. 

I also thought if I didnt gain weight, etc, etc, etc.  Truth is; there is nothing you can do to prevent abusive or cheaters but to WALK AWAY.

How I dealt with it?  I read, visited family often, went to church, joined a singles group. 

I cant say that any 1 thing helped.  I just kept on and on because my family and friends made me understand I was worth more.