WomanSavers.com Forum / ABUSE HELP / Military and Restraining Orders

Back in February, I wrote in this forum about my husband and his emotional abuse ways, that had escalated with an emotional affair I had with one of his good friends.  I had a restraining order put on him, but took it off quickly due to the fact that he is in the military and claims that it will ruin his career.  Now four months later I am in the same boat.  I have aquired my OWN residence, where I have been living on and off until I had custody arrangements due to a divorce.  We have no completed mediation and came to an agreement.  Following that my hsuband started getting worse as far as harrassing me.  CAlling me on a nonstop basis, till 4am in the morning at times, waking hte kids up at midnight to drive them to my house because he didn‘t want another man to be here.  Trying every which way to keep my friends from me, and keeping me virtually hostage in my house.  Unfortunatly it got to the point, where I was in a constant state of anxiety, and every single one of my family members and friends had begged me to obtain another order, which I did last week.

Since getting the order, it has been PEACE and QUIET, little to no conflicts, no phone ringing off the hook, and no worries of him banging on my door at all hours of the night.  Now he is begging me yet again to drop this restraining order due to his military career. I am todl by everyone that he has done this to himself and he is not worried about his career so why are you.  He makes it seem like to me taht I am over exaggerating and just did the order to "make a point" that I‘m in control. (couldn‘t be the fact I want to sleep, and dont want my personal property ruined everyday of my life)  I have my court date this coming thursday and I‘m worried about what to do.  I know in my mind I NEED to continue this restraining order, ut I am worried to death he will get kicked out of the military.  I doubt he is, and he tells me things to manipulate me, obviously, but it is playing a  HUGE factor in my decision. 

Has anyone had problems or situations similar dealing with men and there military careers?  I appreciate your answers in advance!

 lostandconfused

Hiya there,

Just read your post and bless you.

Take the military out of the equation and you are left with a "man" who has no ownership over his behaviour.

An alleged adult who has no self-responsibility for his actions.

Its not your fault that he is in this predicament. Its completely his own doing.

If he was that worried about his career he would have taken a good look at himself the last time you took out anorder against him and thought SHIT she means business, best I get my sorry act together here.

He didnt so "oh woe him"

Stick to your guns, for your children and yourself. Why should you have to tolerate having your stuff broken and your nights disrupted because some tantruming, poor excuse for a man wants to stomp and strut his stuff.....all because he‘s not getting his own way??

Gosh, I‘m smiling as I‘ve just read what I‘vce written and it sounds like a right rant, lol

I know its hard for you to do what you are doing but DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU AND THE LITTLE PEOPLE. He deserves what he gets, its not your fault and I know its easier for me to say than for you to believe but try not to feel guilty or bad.

It doesn‘t sound like he is!!!

Keep coming here, I‘m sure lots of the others will have good advice for you. Take care

T

thanks so much..i know and really the more i‘ve been away from him the more that I‘ve been thinking that way.  I have a GREAT support system, and I‘m so lucky to have them.  I agree with what everyone is saying, and when I told him in the past, that EVERYONe was wanting me to get this injunction on him, that I refused, and than couldn‘t handle the harrassment ANY LONGER!  Now of course I am "just trying to prove a point" and "just trying to gain control over him" or so he says.  It‘s SO nice and relaxing not being around his bull****, and his bull**** BRAINWASHING I call it.

My lawyer is one of the top lawyers in this area for the last 20 years..and he says tht he had NEVER seena man act the way mine did in mediation.  He cried and blubbered the entire way through, and his lawyer even said "he would like reconcile under THESE conditions"  lol.. of course under HIS conditions.  As im signing my name on the dotted line to divorce him he stops me and crying saying "are you sure you awnt this"  I mean just ridiculous, I love the man, but its just WAY too much at times.  My kids are scared to death that he is sad all the time, my 6 yr old says that daddy hates me and wants to know why.. and she wantst o know why daddy rips all my stuff up, and cuts my underwear (yes he does that).. Okay sorry for rant, but its ridiculous what I have been putting up with the last 6 mnths!

thanks!

Please dont apologise for the rant,

I‘m going with the fact that you are entitled to rant.

Its awful when little people are involved and they see what we so wish they wouldn‘t or what we hoped we could protect them from.

I sympathise with you, its not easy. Not by far, you say you are enjoying the peace and quiet. Enjoy lady!

Its one thing to cry and sob at a hearing but its another to be a proper human being and learn from our mistakes. Thats the bit that I have come to believe that makes us the people that we are.

I had a friend once who sat me down and told me a story about falling down a 12 foot hole in the street. A hole that I kept falling in to, I didnt get the whole jist of what she was saying until she asked me "when I was going to realise I had to cross over the road". WTF?? lol

You can love them with a passion, love them till you think you are going to bust, but its that same old, you can take a horse to water but you cant make them drink!!

He does need to own his behaviour or he‘s always going to be the same and thats sad for you and the children. If it were possible to save, rescue or change people I would have done it with my exh. Are you sure you want property destroyed, nights disrupted, underwear slashed. HUM, I think you‘d much prefer the peaceful route.

I rather think you deserve the peaceful route, let him own his SHIT, its the only way he‘ll ever get there. Tough but fact!

 to you. Take it day by day and do what is right for you.

Stay strong, hang on in there

T