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| IntenseQuiet |
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Posted: 6/27/2006 6:54 PM |
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Subject: Hello from Downriver |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 45
Total Posts: 47
Trenton
Michigan
United States
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Hello all,
I am posting this by way of introduction to the board.
I am 45 years old, married to my second husband (he is 33--but that is the topic of a different post!) 
I joined WomenSavers after dealing with the fallout from my husband‘s infidelity for two months by myself. I happened across the site, and found here a good support system for women struggling to maintain their day-to-day lives while dealing with a cheating significant other.
It is never an easy burden to bear when someone you cared for yanks the rug out from underneath you and rocks the foundation you thought you had together. My husband cheated on me with a woman (girl, actually--she is only 28! I cringe, because I am old enough to be her mother. But again, those feelings are for another post.) he works with.
After the whole thing blew up in his face (read; after I found his hidden online journal where he was doing data dumps so that he could try to understand his own behavior) we came to the conclusion that we were not going to save the ‘marriage‘. We started all over at square one, becoming roommates to each other (that lasted for less than a week) first and soon after, we became boy- and girlfriend again. We do not speak of love, but are taking time to get to know the people inside that we lost during the years of our marriage where we tried to somehow turn ourselves into Ward and June Cleaver.
For us, it seems to be working. Yes, there are times when I have triggers and insecure moments, but he is being good at explaining what he was thinking during that cheatin‘ time, and I have also had to step up and explain my thoughts as well. For us, we both let our relationship slide a bit and even though that fact neither minimizes that he cheated on me nor shifts the blame for his infidelity, it still happened and there is still fallout to deal with on both of our parts. And we will be dealing with it for quite some time. We have set no time limits, and have decided that we will not toss out the L-word until we both actually feel it. Doing anything out of rote obligation sucks for both of us.
We are both willing to work toward rebuilding. And that is something I am learning to admire in both he and myself.
IQ
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| drowsyparrot |
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Posted: 8/19/2006 7:59 PM |
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Subject: Hello from Downriver |
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New WomanSaver
Male Member
Age: 52
Total Posts: 4
brownstown
Michigan
United States
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Hello From another Downriver rat!!!!!!
The same has happened to me. I wrote a book about it called, A walk in
the park by Joey Tolbert. You can google it to learn more. Sometimes I
still wonder if I am doing the right thing by taking her back. Do you
still look over your sholder?
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| IntenseQuiet |
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Posted: 8/19/2006 10:05 PM |
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Subject: Hello from Downriver |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 45
Total Posts: 47
Trenton
Michigan
United States
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Drowsyparrot,
Yes indeed, I do still find myself looking over my shoulder, wondering if it will happen again. And what I will do if/when it does. I detest the insecure feeling I get sometimes because of it, and that alone is something that will probably never ever go away. The innocence of our marriage was destroyed and will never be regained. I am still in the process of learning what will be replacing that innocence in our current project of rebuilding.
Now, I am seeking to fill up the empty place in my heart. And hoping that I never again have to worry about the other shoe falling.
How about you?
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| american_woman |
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Posted: 10/26/2007 6:41 AM |
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Subject: Hello from Downriver |
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WomanSaver Lurker
Female Member
Age: 53
Total Posts: 21
westland
Michigan
United States
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Everyone is geared to cheat.....thats why each spouse should talk
and discuss boundaries to help protect thier marriage. Also we all have
emotional needs make sure YOU know your spouses emotional needs and try to keep that love bank filled. The key is communication and time spent together
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