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| love4life |
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Posted: 5/7/2010 9:51 AM |
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Subject: It‘s a long fall from grace |
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New WomanSaver
Male Member
Age: 32
Total Posts: 3
Montreal
Canada
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Boy, where to start... Married for almost 5 years now & I‘m in a fight to win my wife back...
To make a long story short, I was an only child, never did any house chores, ignorant for years, career‘s been stressful, I went from 180lbs to 234lbs. we started with no money, had to find cheep ways to entertain ourselves & traveled by public transport. Best moments are hugging each other waiting for the bus in the snow & rollerblading to do our grocery shopping. Now we have NICE everything (car, house, etc) But I feel like I‘ve lost soooo much along the way... The more you own, the more those things own you...
When I put on the weight (because of stress & a desk job) we started having a lot less sex (because I was uncomfortable with my own body), we also have found nice ways to put a gap between us :-( During the day I do like to touch & hold her, but at night she get‘s CRAZY hot (physically) so I feel uncomfortable touching her for long periods of time. We sleep separately because of 2 reasons, she goes to bed really early because she has to get up at 4:45am to go to work (which also influences us going out at night...) & because we both move a lot at night & constantly wake each other up (thinking of putting the mattress on the ground). We also have a good gap maker called Korean TV. My wife is Korean & really likes watching Korean shows (which I don‘t understand). Oh, & my wife had a woman surgery over a year ago, things didn‘t go so well & now she feels pain when we are intimate (more than 3 months now, but if our relationship were better, there would be ways of satisfying each other anyways)... I got to say, I‘m dying here, I‘m at work now & I‘m holding back the tears right now.
So that‘s the hurdles, we do love each other & I‘ve committed myself to doing what I can to make things right, I would give all that I have to get back what I‘ve lost. As the only thing I have control over is me, that‘s where I‘m focusing. I‘ve dropped down to 190lbs & falling, I‘m making the food for me & my wife now, I do most of the cleaning & try to find ways to be more connected with her. We both started training at a boxing gym (but I‘ve quit, not because I couldn‘t do it) I stopped because of money, between me & my wife we were spending over 550$ per month. It was great to get us active, but now she‘s going to continue alone (another gap maker...)
I used to see me & my wife as though we were in a bubble, separate to the rest of the world, but over time I‘ve lost sight of it... I want it back (she‘s still the only one who can make me cry)
She‘s not opening the door to me & I‘m afraid. I still like taking escalators in shopping malls, I stand on the step below her & hug her, we still do everything together like grocery shopping & we always hold hands, so there is something. But she tells me when I massage her she feels irritated because it used to mean we‘re gonna have sex :-(, sh says even though I do a whole lot of cooking & cleaning she thinks to her self "not again..." if the dishes pile up for a couple of days. And she says even though I‘ve dropped the weight she still thinks of me as fat.
For a while (after cutting back on the sex) we got snappy with one another & came close then, to going down the wrong path, but I actually took something to heart I heard from Dr. Phil. There needs to be a hero, and what I did was I just stopped defending myself when she would snap at me (trust me, it was hard, but it worked, could have went the wrong way if she had continued, but we passed that hurdle) I mean, if I beat my wife (not physically, in an argument) what‘s the point, I‘d still not be a winner...
So I‘m in the fight for my life, to loose her would be the greatest mistake of my life. Wow, that last line brought the tears.
BTW, the video (if it works) is what I made for her last year, did she ever cry over that. There‘s still a loot of great years ahead of us if I can fix what I broke, I just hope I‘m not to late...
video didn‘t work well, but you can see it at:
http://live2love4life.com/forever/
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| malarkey marie |
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Posted: 5/7/2010 3:38 PM |
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Subject: It‘s a long fall from grace |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 500
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Total Posts: 782
Vatican city
Finland
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| Sunny fl |
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Posted: 5/11/2010 11:14 AM |
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Subject: It‘s a long fall from grace |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 5310
sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
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If your wife is having pain still after surgery, she needs to see her doctor, if its only been 3 months maybe it will take a little longer for her to feel normal again.
I think you are on the right track, but if she isn‘t with you you could be doing all this in vain. Talk to her!
open the lines of communcation!
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| love4life |
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Posted: 5/11/2010 12:21 PM |
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Subject: It‘s a long fall from grace |
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New WomanSaver
Male Member
Age: 32
Total Posts: 3
Montreal
Canada
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| Sunny fl wrote: | |
If your wife is having pain still after surgery, she needs to see her doctor, if its only been 3 months maybe it will take a little longer for her to feel normal again. I think you are on the right track, but if she isn‘t with you you could be doing all this in vain. Talk to her! open the lines of communcation!
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Thanks for the reply
The pain she is having was diagnosed as chronic pain, it was especially painful for her during her period, so the doctors gave her some pills to suppress her period for a few months, the problem is that these doctors don‘t have enough time to follow threw with things... They stopped her period for 3 or 4 months, but didn‘t see her for 7 or 8 months... She‘s even turned to alternative medicine, but nothing seams to work... I think we need to find a private specialist to pay, or go to the US to get proper care. I just don‘t know what to do...
We have been talking & I know I‘m on the right track, she‘s slowly letting me back into her heart, I just need to be patient. It‘s just like weight loss, it took me years to balloon up, I shouldn‘t expect my table muscle to disappear over night. So, I was not right in the sharing of duties & letting myself slip, it will just take time to prove to her that this is the life I want. That she is what I want...
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| Sunny fl |
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Posted: 5/11/2010 12:46 PM |
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Subject: It‘s a long fall from grace |
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WomanSaver MoFo
Female Member
Age: 40
Total Posts: 5310
sunshine and daisies
Wyoming
United States
online
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| love4life wrote: |
| Sunny fl wrote: |
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If your wife is having pain still after surgery, she needs to see her doctor, if its only been 3 months maybe it will take a little longer for her to feel normal again.
I think you are on the right track, but if she isn‘t with you you could be doing all this in vain. Talk to her!
open the lines of communcation!
|
Thanks for the reply
The pain she is having was diagnosed as chronic pain, it was especially painful for her during her period, so the doctors gave her some pills to suppress her period for a few months, the problem is that these doctors don‘t have enough time to follow threw with things... They stopped her period for 3 or 4 months, but didn‘t see her for 7 or 8 months... She‘s even turned to alternative medicine, but nothing seams to work... I think we need to find a private specialist to pay, or go to the US to get proper care. I just don‘t know what to do...
We have been talking & I know I‘m on the right track, she‘s slowly letting me back into her heart, I just need to be patient. It‘s just like weight loss, it took me years to balloon up, I shouldn‘t expect my table muscle to disappear over night. So, I was not right in the sharing of duties & letting myself slip, it will just take time to prove to her that this is the life I want. That she is what I want...
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I hope it all works out for you. Sharing in the household responsiblities is a great thing.
Cooking and cleaning takes up a lot of time when you do it alone.
It sounds like you really want this to work and you are not only working on your relationship but working on yourself as well. This should send her a positive message.
good luck to you!
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