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| wv1970 |
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Posted: 3/18/2010 12:54 PM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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New WomanSaver
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Age: 40
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My wife has a circle of friends at work and a couple of them are male. I know both of them and have hung out with them at various business occasions at her office. I have noticed around lunch time I cant reach her on her cell phone. Today, she told me what errands she was running at lunch and I decided to go see for myself. I went to where she was supposed to be and she wasn‘t there. I drove by her work and her truck was there. I called her office and cell phone, no answer. I decided to wait near her workplace. One hour and 15 minutes after she called me, I observed her arrive back to her work riding in a male coworkers car.
I gave her a few minutes to get settled into work and called her desk. She told me where she went, which was a different place than I assumed she was going, but only a minute or two away. She only had to buy one thing from this store so that doesn‘t account for over an hour lunch. I asked if she got any lunch and she told me she did which was in the area where I actually thought she would be. SHE DID NOT MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT BEING WITH THIS GUY. Adding to that, she quickly changed the subject when I mentioned lunch. I also noticed that she charged the item at the store but there is no charge on our card for the lunch. Why would you charge a $5 item but not lunch??
It‘s just me, right?
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| Africanguy |
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Posted: 3/18/2010 1:08 PM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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WomanSaver Addict
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Juanito
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Probably is cheating.
Don‘t confront her, find proof first.
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| wv1970 |
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Posted: 3/18/2010 1:20 PM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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New WomanSaver
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Finding proof is the difficult part. It would only be during lunch or right after work - at work.
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| Africanguy |
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Posted: 3/18/2010 1:25 PM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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Juanito
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Put a detective on her.
If she is cheating, you gather the proof you need.
If she is not, no harm done, and you forget about it.
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| bubblecropper |
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Posted: 3/18/2010 3:06 PM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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Age: 32
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| wv1970 wrote: | My wife has a circle of friends at work and a couple of them are male. I know both of them and have hung out with them at various business occasions at her office. I have noticed around lunch time I cant reach her on her cell phone. Today, she told me what errands she was running at lunch and I decided to go see for myself. I went to where she was supposed to be and she wasn‘t there. I drove by her work and her truck was there. I called her office and cell phone, no answer. I decided to wait near her workplace. One hour and 15 minutes after she called me, I observed her arrive back to her work riding in a male coworkers car.
I gave her a few minutes to get settled into work and called her desk. She told me where she went, which was a different place than I assumed she was going, but only a minute or two away. She only had to buy one thing from this store so that doesn‘t account for over an hour lunch. I asked if she got any lunch and she told me she did which was in the area where I actually thought she would be. SHE DID NOT MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT BEING WITH THIS GUY. Adding to that, she quickly changed the subject when I mentioned lunch. I also noticed that she charged the item at the store but there is no charge on our card for the lunch. Why would you charge a $5 item but not lunch??
It‘s just me, right?
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Can‘t tell from what you say...the guy in the car might just be a work colleague...you seem to have a suspicion though, so unless you‘ve got your own issues with insecurity, then those suspicions are coming from somewhere. I say ask her, out straight. If you know your wife, you‘ll know if she‘s lying.
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| wv1970 |
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Posted: 3/19/2010 8:28 AM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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New WomanSaver
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I decided to calmly confront her about it by simply asking who she went to lunch with and why she was avoiding tell me. She told me who she went with, which was the truth since I saw it with my own eyes. She told me that she rode with him, which was also true. She told me that she didn‘t tell me because she was afraid I would make a smart comment to her and she didn‘t want to get into it at work where others could hear, but she was just going to tell me when she got home.
I know this guy is a coworker and talk to him occasionally. I don‘t know why she had to hide it. We have always had a very open relationship where we can tell each other stuff without going off in a rage. I listened to her, wasn‘t accusatory and simply told her that when she purposely doesn‘t tell me things like that, of course I am going to be suspicious.
I still plan to be observant....but there‘s not much else I can do at this point, is there?
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| bubblecropper |
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Posted: 3/19/2010 1:53 PM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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| wv1970 wrote: |
I decided to calmly confront her about it by simply asking who she went to lunch with and why she was avoiding tell me. She told me who she went with, which was the truth since I saw it with my own eyes. She told me that she rode with him, which was also true. She told me that she didn‘t tell me because she was afraid I would make a smart comment to her and she didn‘t want to get into it at work where others could hear, but she was just going to tell me when she got home.
I know this guy is a coworker and talk to him occasionally. I don‘t know why she had to hide it. We have always had a very open relationship where we can tell each other stuff without going off in a rage. I listened to her, wasn‘t accusatory and simply told her that when she purposely doesn‘t tell me things like that, of course I am going to be suspicious.
I still plan to be observant....but there‘s not much else I can do at this point, is there?
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Well, I agree, hiding stuff from you is only going to arouse suspicion and she should have been honest...she walked into that one.
However, I‘m wondering, have you made comments about these work colleagues before? Could she be already a little bit wary of your attitude?
Its just that, all my colleagues at work are male...not one woman!! We all get along very well, I go to lunch with them sometimes. Its all very innocent...my partner has never even made a comment about it because he wouldn‘t be the type who‘d think like that and I‘ve never given him any reason to not trust me.
Has she done stuff before that makes her untrustworthy to you? Or are you just having general issues with trust here? Because...that can ruin a perfectly good relationship.
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| Africanguy |
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Posted: 3/19/2010 2:15 PM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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Dude, do you honestly think that if she is cheating, she would just give it to you ? Now that you confronted her, if she is cheating, she will be more carefull, or worse, she interrupt or end the affair, and you might never know the truth.
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| wv1970 |
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Posted: 3/19/2010 4:03 PM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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New WomanSaver
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Actually, about 5 years ago, she was having an online class and kind of "fell" for a classmate who she had never met and lived across the country. It bothered her and she told me about it.
As far as comments about the guys, I may have jokingly said something, because I am a jokester, but I‘m not sure.
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| bubblecropper |
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Posted: 3/19/2010 6:43 PM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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| wv1970 wrote: |
Actually, about 5 years ago, she was having an online class and kind of "fell" for a classmate who she had never met and lived across the country. It bothered her and she told me about it.
As far as comments about the guys, I may have jokingly said something, because I am a jokester, but I‘m not sure.
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OK, now we are getting somewhere!!
The online class thing...she was honest with you about it right? But...you still feel insecure about it.
Look, you really need to figure out if this is coming from your own insecurities or if there is a real reason to suspect. And I can‘t tell you whats right here as I don‘t know you.
From what you say, it sounds like, she‘s not cheating, but she know you are insecure about her cheating, you two will have to sit down and talk about that.
The other two here are two very bitter individuals who would have you believe that all women are out to cheat and lie to men. Not the case at all...there are women like that, but I think they are easy to spot!!! You‘d have caught her out in more lies and she wouldn‘t be open with you as you say she is. Don‘t let idiots like those two play on your insecurities...they would love to think that they are helping to mess up a nice relationship.
You sound like a nice guy and she sounds like a nice girl, it sounds like there are trust issues in your relationship that need to be addressed.
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| Moaning Myrtle |
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Posted: 3/20/2010 5:53 PM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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I don‘t think that there is anything to worry about here. Your wife‘s actions could be interpreted as suspicious but the operative word is ‘could‘. With respect to the OP I think you may have read too much into your wife‘s behaviour. I think that in the circumstances I would give her the benefit of the doubt.
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| Moaning Myrtle |
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Posted: 3/22/2010 4:37 PM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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Drew why would the OP go to all the time and expense of hiring a private detective? I don‘t think that his wife‘s behaviour so far warrants this. Hiring an investigator on very circumstantial evidence is like using a sledge hammer to crack a nut.
However, I think that the OP made a mistake in mentioning his suspicions to his wife, if she is having an affair she will not give it up she will just become much more cautious in future.
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| Moogleangelgirl |
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Posted: 3/23/2010 7:34 AM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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| wv1970 wrote: |
My wife has a circle of friends at work and a couple of them are male. I know both of them and have hung out with them at various business occasions at her office. I have noticed around lunch time I cant reach her on her cell phone. Today, she told me what errands she was running at lunch and I decided to go see for myself. I went to where she was supposed to be and she wasn�t there. I drove by her work and her truck was there. I called her office and cell phone, no answer. I decided to wait near her workplace. One hour and 15 minutes after she called me, I observed her arrive back to her work riding in a male coworkers car.
I gave her a few minutes to get settled into work and called her desk. She told me where she went, which was a different place than I assumed she was going, but only a minute or two away. She only had to buy one thing from this store so that doesn�t account for over an hour lunch. I asked if she got any lunch and she told me she did which was in the area where I actually thought she would be. SHE DID NOT MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT BEING WITH THIS GUY. Adding to that, she quickly changed the subject when I mentioned lunch. I also noticed that she charged the item at the store but there is no charge on our card for the lunch. Why would you charge a $5 item but not lunch??
It�s just me, right?
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To me it sounds very suspicious.
If there is a time you should not be able to reach her it should be during work hours, not on her personal time. Her personal time is when she should be the most available to you.
There is absolutely no reason I can think of why I wouldn‘t answer my cell if my husband called unless I didnt want him to disturb me. This is just me of course, but why not just answer it? If she doesnt take it with her during lunch, why not? Is it so damned heavy that she cant haul it around?
Try meeting her for lunch a few times a week. If she seems disturbed by it, distracted, a little angry, or starts making excuses why she cant do it, something is very likely going on. If she is cheating she very likely likes her life as it is, having her cake and eating it too, and you coming to have lunch with her would be keeping her from that slice.
Its not uncommon for a male co-worker to befriend the SO of the woman he is having sexual relations with. It keeps the SO from being suspicious of any wrongdoings. It doesnt matter if you know him. Dont fool yourself into believing that it does. Even a sibling has been known to sleep with another sibling SO. ppl are disgusting and when it comes to temptation, the flesh is weak.
This is all just my opinion. It could be nothing, but if you can afford it I agree that you should hire a PI.. but wait a little bit. Now that she has been confronted by you, if there is anything going on, they are probably "playing it cool" a while. If so your money will be wasted because they are being cautious and you could walk away with nothing but a false sense of security. Watch her behavior a bit longer.
please keep us posted.
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| Moogleangelgirl |
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Posted: 3/23/2010 7:58 AM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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| wv1970 wrote: |
Actually, about 5 years ago, she was having an online class and kind of "fell" for a classmate who she had never met and lived across the country. It bothered her and she told me about it.
As far as comments about the guys, I may have jokingly said something, because I am a jokester, but I‘m not sure.
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Warning sign...
If she is going to "fall" for someone she has never met from across the country, what makes you think she isn‘t going to "fall" for a flesh and blood male right there with her everyday being charming and sweet and listening to her daily woes?
She might have a conscience. I dont know your wife. The fact that she told you that she had fallen for that guy tells me that she has a little bit of one at least, but it also tells me she has no problem putting herself in the situation to fall for someone else.
In my opinion, you have to be in the right mindset to be able to be tempted. I love chocolate cake, but if I‘m stuffed to the gills there is no way in heck that cake is going to be appetizing to me. Same with love. My husband never leaves my mind. If another someone were flirting with me I probably wouldnt even realize it, and when I did i might be flattered, but my heart is too full of my husband to allow another someone in to share the space.
Im not your wife, but I am a woman. To me she sounds very able to be tempted.
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| Africanguy |
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Posted: 3/23/2010 5:33 PM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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The PI is the best option. He knows his wife better than we do, so if he is suspicious, even after all these years of marriage, that might mean something.
Hiring a PI is a neutral solution. If he confronts her, she might end the possible affair, or if the affair doesn‘t exist, it will make him look jealous. Doing anything out of the routine will make the wife aware that he is suspicious.
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| Moogleangelgirl |
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Posted: 3/25/2010 10:51 AM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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| Africanguy wrote: |
The PI is the best option. He knows his wife better than we do, so if he is suspicious, even after all these years of marriage, that might mean something.
Hiring a PI is a neutral solution. If he confronts her, she might end the possible affair, or if the affair doesn‘t exist, it will make him look jealous. Doing anything out of the routine will make the wife aware that he is suspicious.
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 Excellent point. Of course he already confronted her, (kind of) but maybe after a cool down period
it would work out. This way the only thing lost (if nothing is going on) is the bit of money used for the PI. She isnt aware that he still feels mistrust, and he can go on with his life with the relief of knowing she wasnt cheating. He might feel slightly guilty in that, I would, but it‘s better than not knowing and letting it eat at you.
If she is cheating he already has the proof and he can move forward without alerting her until he is ready.
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| supermom21664 |
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Posted: 4/18/2010 9:08 AM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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| wv1970 wrote: | My wife has a circle of friends at work and a couple of them are male. I know both of them and have hung out with them at various business occasions at her office. I have noticed around lunch time I cant reach her on her cell phone. Today, she told me what errands she was running at lunch and I decided to go see for myself. I went to where she was supposed to be and she wasn‘t there. I drove by her work and her truck was there. I called her office and cell phone, no answer. I decided to wait near her workplace. One hour and 15 minutes after she called me, I observed her arrive back to her work riding in a male coworkers car.
I gave her a few minutes to get settled into work and called her desk. She told me where she went, which was a different place than I assumed she was going, but only a minute or two away. She only had to buy one thing from this store so that doesn‘t account for over an hour lunch. I asked if she got any lunch and she told me she did which was in the area where I actually thought she would be. SHE DID NOT MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT BEING WITH THIS GUY. Adding to that, she quickly changed the subject when I mentioned lunch. I also noticed that she charged the item at the store but there is no charge on our card for the lunch. Why would you charge a $5 item but not lunch??
It‘s just me, right?
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You need to go with what your gut is telling you. It rarely is wrong.
You do need more proof though. Do not confront her just yet. Gather more evidenve then confront.
I am sorry for the pian that she is causing you. Good luck!
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| wv1970 |
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Posted: 4/22/2010 12:58 PM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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New WomanSaver
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Well, well, well, everyone. The answer is YES! She was having an affair with this guy. I caught her two weeks ago. He got ballsy enough to send her a text which led to other incriminating, undeniable, documented evidence. I wish she would have told me before I confronted her with the evidence. I feel like she admitted only because I busted her. Thanks for all of the advice on here. I‘m glad I went with my gut. This prick tried to befriend me to make things less suspicious, as a previous poster mentioned.
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| Africanguy |
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Posted: 4/22/2010 1:42 PM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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| wv1970 wrote: | | Well, well, well, everyone. The answer is YES! She was having an affair with this guy. I caught her two weeks ago. He got ballsy enough to send her a text which led to other incriminating, undeniable, documented evidence. I wish she would have told me before I confronted her with the evidence. I feel like she admitted only because I busted her. Thanks for all of the advice on here. I‘m glad I went with my gut. This prick tried to befriend me to make things less suspicious, as a previous poster mentioned. |
I congratulate you for being smart enough in geting real evidence.
Though, by your post doesn‘t seem that you are really affected by teh discovery.
What do you plan to do next ?
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| Sunny fl |
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Posted: 4/23/2010 1:11 PM |
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Subject: Is she cheating? |
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WomanSaver MoFo
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| wv1970 wrote: | | Well, well, well, everyone. The answer is YES! She was having an affair with this guy. I caught her two weeks ago. He got ballsy enough to send her a text which led to other incriminating, undeniable, documented evidence. I wish she would have told me before I confronted her with the evidence. I feel like she admitted only because I busted her. Thanks for all of the advice on here. I‘m glad I went with my gut. This prick tried to befriend me to make things less suspicious, as a previous poster mentioned. |
I am sorry you were right, but the truth shall set you free.
You need to decided what you are going to do, either choice you make will be painful, I know.
Good luck to you.
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