WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / question to u men

I truly don’t understand why.  My boyfriend and I seem very happy...sex and we do it like bunnies...he has asked me to move in...And we are planning our wedding this winter ...my thing is I don’t understand some behaviors...lies that come out of nowhere stupid kind of stuff....and the fact that he reactivates and deactivates his match.com account.  why??? I don’t understand any time I say if ur not happy with me we can either fix the problem of I can let u have ur space...he begs and cries for me not to leave...so why the lies ??/ I caught him some talking to a chick on eHarmony...and promised it would never happen again.  He is not chatting with anyone (for what I have been able to find out) but he is still in search.  What does it mean? I don’t know if I should just let him go or move in and see if it improves.  I know he is a very lonely man has no life no friends...and he is the kid that needs constant attention so I wonder if this is why he does this (reminds me of my best friend she would behave this way even though she was actually haply married)  can any on u guys advise me?

I agree with Bubble. 

Jitters are one thing.  We all have those when we are getting ready to make a big commitment. 

Lying & being sneaky are bigger problem.  Big red flag.  If you feel you need to check up on him now, that is a problem that will not improve later.  Trust is paramount in long term relationships and if you are not feeling it now, I would not move in with him.  Trust me - it will eat away at your dignity and self respect, and you will end up being miserable.

This guy sounds like trouble to me.  If you feel the need to check up on him, it is time to end the relationship.

1pissedchick:  My experience with relationships is that you cannot change anyone but yourself. 

When a man is seeking out other women on the Internet, before you move in with him, it speaks loud and clear that he is not ready for the level of commitment that you are seeking.  If that is the case, this relationship is doomed.

If you feel you have to check up on him, then it is obvious that you don‘t trust him, and if that is a problem, you will never feel secure or content.  You will always be questioning his behavior and watching him like a hawk, and that, too, will ruin your relationship. It is a horrible way to live.

I think you should keep your options wide open.  I think the man is a recipe for a broken heart.  Your intuition is screaming, and I think you should listen to it.

Stephanie has a point.  The man does need to communicate with you, and he doe have some growing up to do.  But if he is going to refuse to be honest with you, that‘s a much bigger problem.

Don‘t open yourself up to future heartache and betrayal.  Read all the posts on "Catch a Cheater" and the "Abuse" board from women who feel trapped in unhappy relationships, or have been there.

yes, I can give you a reason.  hes an untrustworthy dog and has probably already cheated.

and even if he hasn‘t yet, looks like he wants to.

and no, this is not coming from a guy that has cheated, I just recognize worthlessness when I see it.

1pissed....I‘m afraid you have a guy that can‘t be trusted.  once a cheater always a cheater.  If he is doing this now, it will only get worse when your relationship later on gets some age on it.

Dump him and find a guy that knows what committment means