WomanSavers.com Forum / MEN'S AREA / confused virgin cheated on by first girlfriend

Hello, ladies. No secrets: I am a virgin and was betrayed by my first girlfriend. She believed that I was cheating on her with a pregnant woman. Someone that she knew of and I informed her about. "Don‘t worry, I‘m not the jealous type." I was told. I was "sweet" for wanting to help this woman through the situation she was going through.

My girlfriend jumped to conclusions and cheated on me. Before she acted, I remember her telling me that she‘s done things like that before. That if a man cheats on her, she does the same in retaliation. I bet she‘s been wrong before.

That was a couple years ago and I am still have trouble understanding it getting over it. That she got over me immediately was painful. She tells me that she‘s schizoaffective and never told me of how much she liked her marijuana. That I didn‘t do that was something she told me was "good" and "healthy". Later, I learned how much she used. "I‘ll never give it up for anybody. It‘s how I was raised." That made me sad. Raised?!? I had asked "What if we need the money for something else?" and was told "I‘ll just get another job."

"It‘s hard being with someone who‘s not into the same things as you. Smoking, drinking and drugs." she said. She tried to use this as a way of breaking up with me instead of admitting she cheated and apologizing.

Now, she even thought in error that I never wanted a child with her. We had talked about this on the very first date, even. That I would have to wait until I was married; she told a friend that she liked it. After I caught her and said she was mistaken, all she said was "I have to go." in a sad tone and hung up on me. I guess she realized then that she screwed up; she just think things and acts on them. She shouldn‘t even tell me that children interested her and than "I don‘t necessarily want children."

Still, it did feel to me like I lost a wife and family at the same time. To me, she‘s guilty of infidelity; and thinking of how it would have been horrible if we were married is terrible. Thinking more, I don‘t believe she‘d be a good mother; she already doesn‘t have her other children.

I was given nothing on my birthday or Christmas - not even a response to any text message - and have nothing to remember her by.

It‘s good I never had sex with her; I could have caught the STD she told me about. At least she said that, but I‘m thinking it‘s not true. That it might be worse than chlamydia (which I read can be taken care of). Asking her, she says "I just haven‘t gotten around to it."

She was no lady; she never loved me. After I texted that, she calls me back in surprise, wondering "Are we okay?" I guess she still wanted me as a friend or something. She messes with my emotions and has fun doing it, it seems. I had a low self-esteem and my own abandonment issues, yet I was so surprised that someone would treat me this way.

I am all new to dating and I thank you for reading my entry and for anybody‘s response. I never hurt her. I was naive and just excited that someone seemed to want to love me. I was blinded a bit and only wanted to help. "When you love someone, you take the good and the bad." she said to make me feel guilty. To me, I wanted to help her not use substances -- at LEAST not as much -- and all of it, plus psychiatric meds, has to be harmful. Only once did I suggest she was hurting herself and she said I made her uncomfortable. I was second to the lifestyle.

Now, I was still wanting to make things right a little bit. She led me on, saying that she needed a break for "just a little while" and even "I need to work on myself before I can work on us." Yet that was a lie. Soon, "I‘m already sorta seeing someone." I said "I thought you said this was a break?" and am told "You‘ll get over me, sweetie. Sometimes these things don‘t work out." She also tried to get with a son of a friend of mine, telling him that she "gets horny" when she smokes weed and wanted to be with him since I was to have cheated on her. He called her crazy, got mad when she accused him of lying by standing up for me, and then called her an "f‘in whore" after she told him of her STD.

Please tell me that I am okay and that it‘s the right way for things to be. Remember, it‘s my first breakup as well. I was so shy; innocent. It never was supposed to end that way; if it ever ended, I always wanted to be able to know her since that was important to me. I cared, but that wasn‘t enough.

How would any of you act in this situation? Should I never trust another woman? It‘s so scary now and I never had to deal with anything like this. I felt so unloved so suddenly. I had ‘given her my heart‘ and she accepted; right before that, she lied to me by telling me that she was going to give up the weed because she loved me.

She flip-flops and was confusing the heck out of my emotions. I was so sad. )-:

Is a virgin man who doesn‘t & never has smoked, drank, or used drugs something that most women would want in mate? I felt like something was wrong with me.

I am so confused that you are 35, but okay....

I‘m sorry this happened to you but realistically you are exactly what most women would want in a guy....although the part about being a virgin might make them a little uncomfortable at this age and stage, and it might even be good to leave it out.

I wouldn‘t suggest this for many men, but have you thought of seeing a sex therapist?  They might help you deal with some of your issues around sex so that you can develop more healthy relationships with women.

You need to start a relationship with that nice woman who checks your books out at the library or the woman who always smiles at you at work.  Stay away from drug users because they are always confused and never know what they want.  That‘s what happens to people who use drugs.

Best of luck!

I suppose it was a combination of medical (too many seizures) and just the fear from hearing so many stories from people getting divored; folks cheating on each other; etc. It scared me away.

Spending time with various women and enjoying lots of company is what I‘m appreciating right now.

Thanks to those who left comments here. 

As my best friend would say...

"Run Forrest Run!"  This girl is a user.  Be very glad that you didn‘t have sex with her.  You would then be stuck wondering where YOUR baby is.  There is a very good reason why she doesn‘t have her kids.  She‘s not a good mother.  Hence, don‘t even think about it!

As wire says she is a low life.  As Malarkie Marie say..aim higher.

Good luck!

I‘ve never been betrayed like this before, but I‘m better. "She has very low standards," a friend told me recently. It would have been disasterous if things continued. The breakup is for the best, but it did hurt how she behaved. I didn‘t deserve it. Ending a friendship was something I never did before, but that‘s for the best as well.

Anyway, I‘m alright and I‘m surprised how many women I‘m spending time with. The ‘right one‘ might still be out there.